2020 has been a year to forget for many. Since the emergence of the global pandemic and the beginning of lockdown in March, none of us have been able to live a normal life. 

Looking at the same four walls every single day as well as working from home has been tough for many of us, and as 2021 hits we are all raring for new experiences.

Whether it be changed to your lifestyle, health or career – 2021 is a time perfect to change, and here are some of the ways you can make a change in your life next year for the better. 

By now, most of us growing tired of our own homes. Being stuck inside for 10 months has been hard for all of us and many of us have already started to look at houses and apartment rentals in our area. If you want to make a fresh start next year, moving house isn’t a bad idea. Let go of the bad memories of the past and move forward in a positive way by buying or renting a better living space for yourself. Being able to live somewhere new can do wonders for your mental health. 

If you want to make a positive change to your physical and mental health in 2021, you need to get up and get moving. There are lots of ways you can stay fit without the need for a gym, and here are just a few of the things you can try: 

• Walking 

• Running 

• Cycling 

• Yoga 

• HIIT Workouts 

• Body Combat 

• Dance Workouts 

Change up your routine by adding a 30-minute workout to the start of your day, and soon see the benefits it brings in terms of energy and wellbeing. 

One great way to make a change to your life without committing to anything crazy is changing your diet in small ways. From substituting white for brown bread and rice; to eating less meat and dairy; there are many brilliant things you can do to change your diet for the better. Consider finding foods that are good for the gut and for your heart such as sweet potatoes and peppers, and add these things to your diet more for a healthier body. You don’t have to overhaul your whole diet right away, just make small changes as you go. 

We all need to have hobbies in our lives. When you spend all of your time working, eating, and sleeping – you will soon become bored with your life and your mental health can plummet. Change up your daily routine by spending time doing something new. It could be baking, writing, painting, a new sport, or anything you like. Bring something new into your life that you haven’t tried before and this could open you up to so much more in the future. 

Making changes to your life in 2021 is a great idea and will change your life for the better. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Many people can fall into a slump during the colder winter months when there is less sunlight and motivation is low, but there are some easy ways to lift your spirits.

A good way to raise yourself from a slump is to create a vision board. A vision board is a collection of images and keywords that you design and assemble on a large piece of paper, for example, which visualises your hopes and dreams for the future. Vision boards are motivational, particularly when you lose sight of what you are working for. They are equally beneficial for when life becomes a little monotonous.

Some ideas to include in a vision board are career aspirations, travel plans, and personal growth targets.

Making a vision board can calm your mind, as it taps into your creativity and helps you focus on your current action. Plus, seeing your finished work day after day is sure to encourage inspiration.

Photo by Mikechie Esparagoza from Pexels

It’s important to reach out to friends, relatives, or companions when you are feeling low. Even if you are feeling cheerful, getting in contact with someone you have not spoken to in a while might raise their spirits without you even realizing it.

As we get older, we tend to get stuck in our daily routines and forget that life is about connections and relationships. Older adults can especially yearn for a chat, or for a helping hand, which is why Seniors Helping Seniors is an invaluable service.

Photo by Sam Lion from Pexels

‘Going for a run’ is easier said than done for a lot of us. Especially in the cold, wet weather, running can be a real drag. However, there are plenty of alternative sports and fitness activities that will make you forget you’re even exercising – you’ll be having that much fun.

For one, dancing is a great way to release energy and work up a sweat with a smile on your face. You don’t need a studio to let your hair down, dancing in your room is encouraged. Whack on your favourite tunes and spend 20 minutes to an hour moving about to the music.

If mobility is an issue for you, swimming is an excellent way to stay fit and prevent any muscle or joint discomfort.

Walking and power-walking is also another way to get your daily exercise without it seeming too strenuous. For those busy days, this activity can tie in with work or socializing, as you could schedule a walking meeting or catch-up. Or, if you need a break from everything, going for a solo walk is a sure way to clear your head. You could even find a scenic route and make a trip out of it, rather than just walking around the block.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

A simple way to distract yourself from the winter blues is to have a giggle. So, get comfy and pick a comedy film or stand-up show you know you will like, and even if you can’t muster a belly laugh, just feeling yourself smile can brighten your mood.

There are also plenty of apps and old-school games that will have you rolling on the floor laughing with friends or family. For smartphone users, try Heads Up!, it’s like a digital version of charades that can be played anywhere. Or if you’re at home, a card game like Snap or Uno is sure to cheer you up.

Going to bed early is never more important than in the winter. Our wellbeing depends on us getting a decent amount of sleep. For some people that means 8 hours of shuteye, for others, it’s more. 

Find out what works for you, and go to bed at a time that allows for a full 8+ hours sleep until daybreak, so the sunrise works as a natural alarm clock. Seeing a full days-worth of sunlight can improve your mood dramatically. This is because catching the sun’s rays each day is associated with an increased level of serotonin in the body, a hormone that stabilizes our feelings of wellbeing. 

Seek further help where needed

It’s never a bad thing or something that you should be ashamed of when it comes to asking for help. Whether it’s an issue with drugs, relationships, mental health, etc. getting the help you need should always be prioritized. You can check out outpatient drug rehab centers near me in order to find the right place that can help you with your needs, should you require it.

Photo by Jonathan Petersson from Pexels

If you have considerable worries, or stress is getting on top of you. It’s a good idea to let out your thoughts and emotions either via pen or verbally with a counselor or therapist. Writing or talking about it can help you release negative feelings and therefore improve your wellbeing.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Today, maintaining a healthy and peaceful union is almost next to impossible. Many factors that limit people from sustaining a healthy relationship include differing life goals, power from friends and family, lack of trust, diseases, pride, and miscommunication.

Many people break up as soon as they embark on the relationship journey. Additionally, there is an increase in people suffering from unfulfilling relationships, which has had more significant repercussions. For instance, there is an increase in separation and divorce levels, infidelity, and low self-esteem.

The truth is when one is loved; they glow and perform to their maximum. Furthermore, a stable and sound mind is the most incredible wealth you can possess. Love will not only help you conquer the world but will also help fight feelings of self-doubt and raise your self-importance.

It takes empathy, commitment, and patience to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. Taking note of the following measures will help you reignite your once fierce love life. 

Appreciate Your Partner

There is power in appreciating your partner. Simple deeds such as listening to them, a thank you note, a gift, seeking their input before making important decisions, or a dinner treat will go a long way in making them feel unique and valued. Additionally, don’t forget to tell, remind and show them how you think of them.

Setting aside time to spend together with your partner is also very important. Yes, you may be busy with work or parenting, but putting aside two hours of your time to bond with your partner will help strengthen your love life in more extraordinary ways. Through these simple ideas, your lover will feel appreciated and always find a reason to stay amidst green grass on the other side.

Improve on Your Sex Life

Sexual intercourse is an essential activity in maintaining healthy unions. It’s not only a way of expressing love and affection, but it also helps in bonding. Moreover, frequent sex will help you raise your self-esteem, have fun, exercise, and keep stress away.

Despite its many benefits, most couples are not able to enjoy it in their union. This mostly results from medical conditions such as infections, having low libido. Getting sexual satisfaction from pornographic materials, deciding to abstain especially after infidelity are also contributing factors.

Whatever your reason for not having sex is, the truth is it cannot overtake the massive benefits associated with lovemaking in your union. Therefore, make every effort to work on the factors hindering you from enjoying sex in your life.

It is time to improvise libido-boosting foods in your diet, treat that infection or medical condition preventing you from enjoying sex and enroll in a pornography addiction recovery program to save your union if sex addiction is the wedge between you. 

Maintain Open Communication

It is only through open communication that you will get to fight the many misunderstandings surrounding relationships today. You need to talk and explain situations to your partner as they happen.

It is not wise to ignore issues in a union. Find the appropriate time to discuss and solve matters when they arise. As two people sharing something beautiful, it is common for misunderstandings to arise.

Therefore, you should try to talk and explain situations to your partner to get rid of their doubts. Concurrently, it’s vital to remember that open communication symbolizes respect for your lover’s feelings in a relationship.

Ask for Forgiveness

It is natural to cross each other’s paths. When this happens, be ready to put pride aside and ask for forgiveness. Nonetheless, don’t make wronging your partner a habit in the hope that they will always forgive you; remember it is their feelings you are messing with, and they might soon tire accommodating you.

Unlike how most people view it, asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of courage. Therefore, don’t hesitate to reach out to your partner and ask for forgiveness after hurting them. Furthermore, it’s godly and beneficial to your mental wellbeing as an individual.

 Work on Yourself

Nothing is fulfilling and satisfying than when your lover decides to change for the better. It gives you the courage and reason to fight on. Moreover, it is an indication of one’s commitment to the relationship.

Therefore, to make your relationship work, start by improving and bidding goodbye to those traits that are damaging your love life.

Take Away

It is natural to have misunderstandings in relationships. Nonetheless, with proper management skills and the desire to make it work, these shortcomings should not deter you from being happy. Do not let your relationship die when you can revamp it by putting the above five measures into action.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

World Economic Forum

25 Jan 2021

Kelly McCain Project Lead, Shaping the Future of Health and Healthcare, World Economic Forum

Aidan Manktelow Insights Lead, Inclusive Business, World Economic Forum

• Mental health is an urgent priority for businesses in the COVID-19 recovery.
• 6 leaders from global companies share their views on how to improve workplace mental health.

Mental health has become an urgent priority for companies as a result of the COVID-19 crisis. The uncertainty and stress created by the pandemic, and increased isolation due to large-scale remote working, have put pressure on workforce mental wellbeing. The global cost of mental-ill health through lost productivity, absences and staff turnover is estimated to be around $2.5 trillion annually. 

Recent research has found that about half of working adults globally say they have experienced increased anxiety around job security (56%), stress due to changes in work routines and organization (55%), feel lonely or isolated working from home (49%) or have difficulty achieving a work-life balance (50%) as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Have you read?

• An open letter to business leaders: Now is the time to address the global mental health crisis together
• This is how COVID-19 has impacted workers’ lives around the world

At the same time, the rising awareness of this challenge has created new impetus to tackle an issue that remains a stigma in many organisations. 

In line with The Davos Agenda, we invited six members of our community to share what their organisations are doing to protect their employees’ mental health and what positive changes they foresee for business to tackle the issue of mental health in 2021:

What positive changes do you foresee for the way businesses will tackle the issue of mental health at work in 2021? And what is your best piece of advice on how to make that change happen?

‘Support a more hybrid workforce’

Elaine Arden, Group Chief Human Resources Officer, HSBC

The past 12 months have shown that people can be just as productive and experience better work-life balance when working outside of traditional workplaces. As choice and flexibility become more commonplace, businesses will need to continually evolve and adapt their well-being services to adequately support a more hybrid workforce.

Businesses can make change happen by talking – and listening! Ask your people how they are doing and what they need. At HSBC, our manager and employee surveys provide us with valuable insights that inform our strategy. By relying on robust data and lived-experiences, businesses will get to the heart of what really matters most, develop suitable solutions and measure their impact on the mental health of their people. As business continues to navigate through periods of uncertainty and volatility, the need to collaborate and share best practices with peers and experts has never been more important and should be an essential part of any healthcare response.” 

‘Lead by example’

Sheri B Bronstein, Chief Human Resources Officer, Bank of America

2020 introduced new uncertainty and stress in the daily lives and routines of our team-mates, further emphasizing the need to embrace the importance of physical and emotional wellness; specifically mental health as a top priority. As employers, we have an obligation to provide our team-mates with opportunities to talk openly about their mental health and to secure the support they or their families may need. We must continue to lift the stigma on this critical topic, which in our case has been having a CEO and management team who are vocal advocates.

Bank of America is committed to the health and wellness of its team-mates and the communities that we serve. Like many companies, we expanded programs to help team-mates access enhanced resources and we need to continue to adapt and respond quickly to address the unique mental health needs of diverse workforces. We need to lead by example, participate in employee sessions, and share perspectives on the steps we are taking to support and protect our mental health.

‘Build mental wellbeing into our leadership culture’

Kerry Dryburgh, Chief People Officer, BP

For too long, mental health in the workplace has been viewed as an organisational risk, with a focus on managing individuals and incidents – a fact only exacerbated by COVID-19. The truth is, like physical health, mental health is a constant human reality for every person, every day. In 2021, we can expect more workplaces to recognise this and step-change their action on mental wellbeing, alongside a continued focus on physical health.

How we proactively support mental health in the workplace has a long way to go, but we are not starting from scratch. We can build on our collective decades of experience and expertise in physical health and safety to develop powerful actions and approaches. One of the most impactful choices we have made at BP is to include mental wellbeing questions in our regular employee engagement surveys to understand real-time how our teams are feeling. We have also taken steps to build mental wellbeing into our leadership culture.

At BP, we believe our workplaces can and should be positive environments that support mental health and wellbeing. Getting it right is an ongoing focus, but one that has never been more urgent.

‘Engage, understand and support staff’ 

Saurabh Govil, Chief Human Resources Officer, Wipro Ltd

People around the world went through severe challenges in 2020. Many are still reeling from layoffs in their families, grieving the death of loved ones, are sick themselves, or struggling with remote work, social isolation and mental health issues. The pandemic has not only changed business dynamics, but also the approach towards employee mental health. Compassion and empathy are no longer seen as extra, nice-to-have qualities. They are now essential. Businesses are increasingly focusing on investing in caring for their employees, and amplifying existing people frameworks, policies and support groups to better support employee wellbeing. 

The most important and meaningful change will come from how leaders engage, understand and support staff at a more developmental level. Leaders should focus on the following areas: understanding the difference between urgency and importance and focusing on the latter; being compassionate while driving employees to action by channelling their feelings of frustration or despair. Finally, trust, transparency and openness will need to be the pillars of leadership, and workplace HR policies of the future.

‘Reach out to all of our people across the organization’

Toby Switzer, Chief Human Capital Officer, Agility

Wellbeing and mental health have always been important considerations for the people of Agility before the pandemic, but maybe not as highly prioritized. Now, with the significant work and life disruptions created by the crisis, these aspects were brought to a whole new life … and light … on how important they are for us. 

We need to understand better the concerns, be proactive with ideas and programs, and reach out to all of our people across the organization, including our families and our communities so that they are aware that we care and that we will help. Having a focus on this makes us all better for both our short and long-term personal and professional life and health.

‘Take a broad view of what you class as mental health support’

Miranda Wolpert, Director, Mental Health, Wellcome 

COVID-19 has impacted many aspects of our lives including changing, for many, where and how we work. This impact is likely to accelerate the pre-COVID-19 trend of businesses prioritising and seeking ways to support the mental health of their employees.

My advice to employers is two-fold. Take a broad view of what you class as mental health support and then be led by the evidence. A broad view incorporates mindfulness and mental health first aid all the way through to flexible working policies and financial wellbeing. Being led by the evidence means actively looking to understand which approaches work for who, in what context and why – and if that evidence doesn’t yet exist, perhaps it’s your business that will generate it so that others can learn from you.

What’s the Forum doing on mental health?

The World Economic Forum’s platform for Shaping the Future of Health and Healthcare is convening efforts by our partners on workplace mental health to support evidence-based action on workplace mental health, in collaboration with the platform for Shaping the Future of the New Economy and Society’s Chief Human Resources Officer community. The CHRO community includes more than 100 CHROs of leading multinational companies. Supporting workforce mental health has been a consistent theme of its discussions since the onset of the COVID-19 crisis. 

What is the World Economic Forum doing about mental health?

Show

More broadly, the Forum’s Mental Health in the Workplace initiative co-ordinates global efforts toward workplaces that are healthier mentally across industries, regions and sectors. The vision is a world where all workplace leaders recognize and commit – with the right tools in place – to taking tangible and evidence-based action on mental health and wellbeing, enabling their workforces to thrive.

HUFFPOST

Catherine Pearson

09/04/2020 11:31am EDT

Spend at least five minutes a day, every single day, hanging out with them and doing whatever they want.

Kids might find it more difficult to cope with the pandemic. Here’s how parents can help them.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit this past spring, billions of children around the globe were abruptly sent home from school — an anchor in so many ways. Kids have been cut off from friends and loved ones, and yanked away from daily activities and passions. Many have watched their loved ones get sick or have come down with the virus themselves. It has been … a lot. 

Now, as another unprecedented academic year swings into high gear, children are facing more of the same “new normal” that no one asked for.

“We don’t know how long we’re going to be living in this very strange period. For some kids, that mean that they’ve adjusted and things are a little bit easier to manage,” said Kimberly Canter, a child psychologist at Nemours Children’s Health System. “For other kids, that just means this gets harder and harder every day.”

HuffPost Parents spoke to several experts about simple, concrete ways we can help support our children during this upcoming school year. Here’s what they had to say: 

1. Regularly check in with them about what they think is happening with COVID-19. 

Talking to your child about what they know (or believe they know) about the pandemic is a crucial first step to understanding where they’re at emotionally, said Canter, who developed an online intervention to help kids struggling with COVID-19 stress. (The intervention is currently available to Nemours patients only, but she shared some of the broader concepts below.)

You’re looking to understand their specific concerns, she said.

“Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are not true?” she asked. “Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are true? And how can we address that?”

If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.

Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.

“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.

Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.

2. Help them identify their emotions. 

Emotional intelligence is a learned skill that is rooted in a person’s ability to identify what they are feeling. Parents can help their children do that, Canter said. It’s really about noticing their feelings and learning how to name them.

This can start even if kids are young. Simple mood meters — red for angry, blue for sad, green for calm and yellow for happy — can help young kiddos track where they are and give voice to those feelings.

If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.

Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.

“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.

Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.

Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.

3. Build trust with their teachers.

Even if you live in an area where your child is in the classroom five days a week, this is an academic year like no other. One simple way to emotionally support your child — and your child’s teacher — is to help them feel “safe and connected to their school communities,” said Jeanne Huybrechts, chief academic officer at Stratford School, a network of private schools in California. That is true whether classes are in person, hybrid or starting the year off remotely.

“Reach out to your child’s teacher and introduce yourself and your family,” Huybrechts said. “Share family stories, values, your family’s living situation this fall, your child’s feelings about the return to school.” 

More than ever this year, open communication with your child’s teachers is essential.

4. For at least five minutes a day, hang out with them however they want. 

Parents sometimes hate to hear this tip because at the end of a long, exhausting day, many parents just (understandably) want to collapse, said Jill Ehrenreich-May, a psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Program at the University of Miami.

But she recommends taking at least five minutes a day, every day, to just hang out together with the kids.

“Do something — not on screens — that your child wants to do with you,” Ehrenreich-May said. Follow their lead, and really try to connect through joy. They need it.

5. Remind them of what they can control. 

Many children are struggling under the weight of so many unknowns. We don’t know when school will be “normal” again. We don’t know when they’ll be able to freely hug grandparents or friends. We don’t know if they’ll get sick, or if we will get sick — and how serious it might be. That’s difficult for anyone to deal with, particularly kids. 

Parents can help by focusing them on what they can control right now.

“You might not be able to control if there’s a vaccine, but you can control things like washing your hands and wearing a mask,” Canter said. Similarly, kids may not be able to control when, say, soccer starts up again, but they can schedule Zoom hangouts with their teammates. And so on.

And here is something parents can control, to a certain extent: They can model the type of resiliency and self-care they hope to see in their children. That means parents need to find ways to take care of themselves.

“If I expect them to be calm and handle this really not normal situation, well, I probably need to express my own emotions appropriately,” Ehrenreich-May said.

Stolberg agreed, suggesting that parents follow a healthy sleep routine, eat nutritious food, avoid caffeine and alcohol, exercise outside if it’s safe to do so and stay connected to people, even if it’s digitally. He also recommended mindfulness exercises, such as breathing, meditation and yoga.

“You cannot be your best parent if you are not healthy and mentally prepared for the job,” he said.

At the end of the day, it’s not about pretending everything is totally OK. It’s about modeling emotional intelligence yourself and trying to show your kiddo how to live with uncertainty, while also trying to make the best of this unprecedented time.

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My Two Cents:

Go for counselling together

Parent-child counselling sessions are gaining popularity due to their many advantages. It is a program designed to help improve the relationship between parents and their children. These programs are beneficial and can help you support your child’s emotional health in the long run. They are especially important for those parents who find it difficult to get their children to open up and talk about their feelings.

As a parent, attending sessions can help you learn new skills to support your child’s mental health. A counsellor or therapist will start by observing how you interact with your child. Then they can suggest ways to improve your interactions. After attending the session, you can arrive home safely after reading more info here and without any worry of your child experiencing  extra stress since you are equipped with how to handle any situation. You will know how to enhance how you communicate, solve problems better and understand your parental boundaries.

Melinda 

You might have noticed something different about someone close to you recently. Perhaps they seem a little more closed off than usual, or maybe you’re just noticing that things they used to enjoy, don’t seem to do it anymore. It could be any number of things, but if you know that life is getting them super stressed lately, this is probably the answer. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some of the things that you can do to help someone close to you deal with stress.

Link Location – CC0 Licence

Offer To Listen

The first thing that we think you should do is offer to listen. Sometimes, people who are suffering with stress just need to talk about what they are feeling. Often, coming up with a solution to help someone who is stressed out won’t be possible, especially seeing as a lot of the causes are things that they don’t always have the power to change. Of course, if they can change them, then you should absolutely suggest that they do. However, it is far more important that you listen to what they have to say and make them feel heard, rather than offering advice. You will often find that they know what they should do, but they still need to speak to someone about the way they are feeling. Be that person for them. Offer them your shoulder.

Find What Helps Them

While it may not always be possible to get rid of the thing that is stressing them out, you can still help them by finding the things that help them cope with stress better. For example, you could get them into sport of some kind and do it together. Or, you could look into some herbal remedies that may help reduce the stress and purchase some weed pipes to make the experience a bit better. It really depends on what the person close to you finds relaxing. You’ve just got to remember that not everything is going to work, so don’t get too frustrated when you’re going through the trial and error phase.

Image Credit – CC0 Licence

Don’t Make Fun Of It

Finally, you should never make fun of the problems that somebody is experiencing. This is harsh, and it will make them go into a shell and never want to speak to anyone about their issues again. Don’t try to make light of the situation. Don’t tell them that they are overreacting. Don’t compare their life to yours and tell them why they shouldn’t be stressed. None of this is going to be helpful. Just be supportive, that is what they need the most.

Hopefully, now you understand some of the things that you can do to help those close to you deal with stress. It’s a hard thing to cope with at the best of times, and if it’s getting too much for them, you need to support them as much as you can. It’s going to be difficult for them to admit, so be patient, and above all, be kind. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Mar 28, 2019 / Emily Nagoski + Amelia Nagoski

Ashley Lukashevsky

Too many of us struggle to achieve a body ideal that’s just not obtainable by humans. It’s time to redefine what’s good, healthy and attractive on our own terms, say writers (and sisters) Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski.

The Bikini Industrial Complex. That’s our name for the $100 billion cluster of businesses that profit by setting an unachievable “aspirational ideal,” convincing us that we can and should — indeed we must — conform with the ideal, and then selling us ineffective but plausible strategies for achieving that ideal. It’s like old cat pee in the carpet, powerful and pervasive and it makes you uncomfortable every day but it’s invisible and no one can remember a time when it didn’t smell.

Let’s shine a black light on it, so you can know where the smell is coming from. You already know that basically everything in the media is there to sell you thinness — the shellacked abs in ads for exercise equipment, the “one weird trick to lose belly fat” clickbait when all you wanted was a weather forecast, and the “flawless” thin women who fill most TV shows. The Bikini Industrial Complex, or BIC, has successfully created a culture of immense pressure to conform to an ideal that is literally unobtainable by almost everyone and yet is framed not just as the most beautiful, but the healthiest and most virtuous.

But it’s not just magazine covers, ads and other fictions that get it wrong. The body mass index (BMI) chart and its labels — underweight, overweight, obese, etc. — were created by a panel of nineH individuals, seven of whom were “employed by weight-loss clinics and thus have an economic interest in encouraging use of their facilities,” as researchers Paul Ernsberger and Richard J Koletsky put it.

You’ve been lied to about the relationship between weight and health so that you’ll perpetually try to change your weight. But listen: It can be healthier to be 70 or more pounds over your medically defined “healthy weight” than just five pounds under it. A 2016 meta-analysis in The Lancet medical journal examined 189 studies, encompassing nearly four million people who never smoked and had no diagnosed medical issues. It found that people labeled “obese” by the CDC have lower health risk than those the CDC categorized as “underweight.” The study also found that being “overweight” according to the CDC is lower risk than being at the low end of the “healthy” range as defined by the US federal government and the World Health Organization.

Another meta-analysis even found that people in the BMI category labeled “overweight” may live longer than people in any other category, and the highest predictable mortality rate might be among those labeled “underweight.” Taking it further, newer research is suggesting that doctors warn their middle-aged and older patients against losing weight, because the increasingly well-established dangers of fluctuations in weight outweigh any risk associated with a high but stable weight.

Our culture has primed us to judge fat people as lazy and selfish. And it goes deep. Amelia conducts a children’s choir, and she has to teach her kids to breathe. At ten, eight, even six years old, they already believe that their bellies are supposed to be flat and hard, so they hold their stomachs in. You can’t breathe deeply, all the way, without relaxing your abdomen, and you can’t sing if you can’t breathe. So Amelia has to teach children to breathe.

Please: Relax your belly. It’s supposed to be round. The BIC has been gaslighting you.

We’re not saying the people or companies that constitute the BIC are out to get you. Frankly, we don’t think they’re smart enough to have created this system on purpose. But they recognize there’s money to be made by establishing and enforcing impossible standards.

We all encounter the BIC every day. So how can we make it through the fray?

One strategy: Play the “new hotness” game. 

When we reconstruct our own standard of beauty with a definition that comes from our own hearts and includes our bodies as they are right now, we can turn toward our bodies with kindness and compassion. Well, easier said than done.

Amelia is vain about pictures of her conducting, in which she inevitably has her mouth wide open and her hair is a sweaty wreck. Emily watches herself on TV and worries that her chin is too pointy because one time, somebody said it was. (We are identical twins.)

Neither of us has ever had the skinny proportions of a model, and we watched our mom — who was model-thin before she gestated two seven-pound babies at the same time — look at her reflection in mirrors and cry at what she saw there. What she saw there is very much like what we see in our own reflections now.

Which is why we play the “New Hotness” game, a way to let go of body self-criticism and shift to self-kindness. One day, Amelia was at a fancy boutique, trying on gowns for a performance. Attire for women conductors is hard to find: solid black with long sleeves, formal yet not frumpy is an unlikely combination. Finding all of this in her size is even more difficult.

She tried on a dress that looked so amazingly good she texted Emily a dress selfie, with a caption paraphrasing Will Smith in Men in Black II: i am the new hotness.

And now “new hotness” is our texting shorthand for looking fabulous without reference to the socially constructed ideal. We recommend it. It’s fun.

Maybe you don’t look like you used to, or like you used to imagine you should, but how you look today is the new hotness. Even better than the old hotness.

Saggy belly skin from that baby you birthed? New hotness.

Gained 20 pounds while finishing school? New hotness.

Skin gets new wrinkles because you lived another year? New hotness.

Hair longer or shorter, or a different color or style? New hotness.

Mastectomy following breast cancer? New hotness.

Amputation following combat injury? New hotness.

The point is, you define and redefine your body’s worth, on your own terms. It’s not necessary to turn toward your body with love and affection — love and affection are frosting on the cake of body acceptance, and if they work for you, go for it. But all your body requires of you is that you turn toward it with kindness and compassion, again and again, without judging all your contradictory emotions, beliefs and longings.

No doubt after you finish reading this, you will go out into the world and notice the diversity of bodies around you. And you will still have reflexive thoughts about the people who don’t conform to the aspirational ideal, envious thoughts about the people who do, or self-critical thoughts about the ways the world tells you that you fall short. And then you might even have emotional reactions to your emotional reactions: “Darn it, I shouldn’t think that!”

Change happens gradually. Your brain has been soaking in the BIC for decades; any time you step outside your door, you’re back in it; any time you turn on a TV, you’re back in it; and any time you put clothes on, you’re back in it. Just notice it, as you’d notice a fleck of dust floating through the air. Smile kindly at the mess. And know what’s true: Everyone is the new hotness. You are the new hotness. So is she. So are they. So are we.

Excerpted from Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Copyright © 2019 by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Used by permission of Ballantine, an imprint of Random House Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Watch Emily Nagoski’s TED talk here: https://embed.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_truth_about_unwanted_arousal

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Emily Nagoski is the author of “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.” She has a PhD in health behavior with a minor in human sexuality from Indiana University, and a MS in counseling, also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute sexual health clinic. A sex educator for 20 years, she is the inaugural director of wellness education at Smith College.

Amelia Nagoski holds a DMA in conducting from the University of Connecticut. An assistant professor and coordinator of music at Western New England University, she regularly presents educational sessions for professional musicians discussing the application of communications science and psychological research, including “Beyond Burnout Prevention: Embodied Wellness for Conductors.”

When you have been involved in an accident, your physical well-being is understandably at the forefront of your mind. However, sometimes when you’ve been seriously hurt, you need a longer period of time to heal mentally as well as physically. Sometimes, even long after your body has healed and you’re back on your feet again, you may still be feeling the effects of your mental health. In these situations, you need to give yourself the time to recover, and here are some tips on how to cope mentally after a serious accident.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/action-animal-bronco-bucking-33251/

Talk about your fears

After a serious accident and injury, you may develop fears and anxieties around that particular situation. For example, if you nearly drowned from falling off a boat into choppy seawater, you may find that you’ve developed a fear of boats or deep water, and that’s completely understandable! Talk to your doctor or counselor about your fears, as they’ll be able to help you overcome these fears through therapy.

Gain some financial help

Being in an accident may cause you to be out of work for some time, and this can negatively affect your finances, causing you to fall into debt. Your mental health may be struggling to cope with these debts, and you may find yourself worrying about them often, causing you to lose concentration elsewhere. You can get financial help for many accidents such as an automobile accident by speaking to car crash lawyers to see if you’ve got a viable case. Alternatively, you could speak to a debt advisor about how you can reduce your debts with the budget you’re on.

This also applies to a motorcycle accident. It would be best to hire a motorcycle attorney who specializes in motorcycle accidents. They can help you navigate the court system, which may prove to be pretty challenging for an average person. They know how to build a strong case by getting all the necessary evidence and will also ensure you get a fair trial.

They will also help you get a proper settlement, which most people don’t get even after spending a lot of time in court. A favorable motorcycle settlement will be possible in the hands of a good attorney who has enough years of experience. Another area they can come in handy is when dealing with insurance companies.

This can prove to be quite challenging as your insurance provider may not be willing to cover all the damages. But with a reliable attorney by your side, they will help you maintain your cool when dealing with an insurance company. And lastly, a lawyer will help interpret all legal terms you may be unfamiliar with. All these will help keep you mentally sane.

Take time to discover the new you

If your accident has changed you physically, such as paralyzation of the legs or spine, you may be struggling to adapt to who you are now. Going through something like that is a major life change, and you need to take as much time as you need to discover the new you. This might mean taking some time away from work to work on yourself, or it might mean changing careers to something that you can enjoy.

Refrain from hiding away

It’s very common after an accident to hide away from the world due to anxiety about another accident lurking around the corner. The problem here is that the longer you leave returning to normal life, the harder it’s going to be to adapt. Be brave, take the step! There’s nothing wrong with taking extra precautions in your day to day life, just don’t avoid it altogether!

Use the support around you

Finally, after an accident, it’s very likely that your family and friends have rallied together to help you recover and then some, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for some extra help if you need it! You’ve just experienced a major event in your life, and you can’t be expected to bounce back straight away. Alternatively, you may be able to find support groups near you where you can talk about your experiences with people that have been through the same thing. Whatever you feel will help, reach out to it!

This is a collaborative post.

In health,

Melinda

We like to believe that we live in a generally safe world where our quality of life isn’t continually on the line. If we didn’t, we’d struggle to leave the house in the morning. 

But the truth is that we don’t live on a perfectly safe planet. In fact, there are dangers everywhere. 

Every minute of the day, for instance, somebody is injured in a crash, and many of the victims have life-changing disabilities that stay with them for the rest of their lives. 

You can’t really understand disability until you’ve experienced it. Suddenly, you find out that you can’t do all the things you used to be able to do, and it creates a whirlwind of emotions. Life just isn’t the same afterward, either mentally or physically. 

Anger

For many people, the first response is anger. If their disability was their fault, they feel a kind of rage against themselves. Why did they put themselves in danger? 

If their disability was somebody else’s fault, they feel a sense of violation against the person who did it to them, even if it was unintentional. There are often long court battles as people attempt to get compensation from another party. 

The anger, however, eventually becomes a cost if it lingers. The longer it goes on, the more it taxes the individuals. Eventually, it can harm their health further, leading to forms of depression and chronic disease. 

Depression

Losing your abilities is a little bit like losing somebody you love. If you can no longer walk, for instance, you go through a process of grieving over that loss. Instinctively, you know that the ability isn’t going to come back. And so you have to psychologically and emotionally deal with that fact before you can move on. 

For many victims, this means a protracted period of depression. You don’t feel like doing anything. Your life feels incredibly limited and you don’t think you have the ability or the skills to enjoy it to the full anymore. 

That kind of mentality is quite destructive, but also commonplace in people who’ve been injured or develop a chronic condition. The trick, of course, is to recognize that life does go on and that there are plenty of things you can do to enjoy your existence. 

Loneliness

In some situations, disability can also breed loneliness. Some people find that they are more isolated from their friends and family because of the fact that they can no longer get around as well as they used to.

Loneliness can also occur at an emotional level too. When you have a disability, you feel somewhat alienated from the people around you. Unlike you, they don’t know what it is like to be housebound or bedbound. And so they can’t really understand what life is like for a person in your situation. 

The solution here is to join a group of people who do understand what you’re going through so that you can voice your feelings and make them known. 

This is a collaborative post.

In health,

Melinda

Stress can be a huge factor in our lives that drags us down and makes everything ten times more difficult. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about stress outside of just running away from it unless you deal with the root cause.

When it comes to working at home, there are countless things that can cause stress which affects our productivity and makes it hard for us to focus on our tasks. This can result in extremely unproductive days that we look back on and feel extremely bad about. So in this post, we’re going to talk about how you can keep your stress levels low when you work from home.

Source: https://unsplash.com/photos/-2vD8lIhdnw (CC0)

Keep distractions at bay

One of the first things to deal with is distractions. Make absolutely sure that you keep distractions at bay by understanding where they come from and why they happen. For instance, if you find that your dog is restless whenever you start working, consider taking them out for a walk and feeding them before you get started so they spend their energy and laze around. Similarly, if you find that you keep getting distracted by the TV, turn it off! If you can’t focus on something in the background, get rid of it (if possible!) and work in silence if you have to.

Make time for breaks

A lot of people forget that taking breaks is important when it comes to working from home. They don’t realize that taking a break helps to reset your mind and gives you an opportunity to catch up with other tasks. This could include returning phone calls, it could involve feeding your cat, or it could just be to stretch and walk around to give your legs a break. If you’re not already taking breaks, make sure you start doing it regularly!

Work in a comfortable environment

It’s also a good idea to start working in a comfortable environment. Make sure that your chair is comfortable and that your posture is supported. You should consider looking at companies such as obVus Solutions to find ergonomic devices and accessories that will help you work from home without causing pain and stress on your body. A lot of us find it hard to adapt to a work-at-home environment because it’s different from our offices that are designed around healthy ergonomics, hence why many of us feel stressed when we’re stuck at home.

Separate your work and your leisure

It’s also a good idea to separate leisure and work if you have to work from home. Sure, a lot of people answer phone calls, chat with friends, and even listen to music when they work from home. However, these things can lead to distractions and they might bleed into your regular work schedule, making you less productive. As such, you should try to separate your work and leisure as much as possible before your work tasks end up merging with your free time at home.

This is a collaborative post.

In health,

Melinda

Stress is a major thorn in the side for many people. While it is natural and beneficial in certain scenarios, chronic stress is very unhealthy. It can have negative effects on your physical and mental health. If you are regularly hampered by stress and anxiety, it’s important to address it. Failing to acknowledge continuous stress can trigger further problems.

Before taking action to combat stress, it’s important to acknowledge what it actually is. Stress is one of the body’s natural defense mechanisms. In times of danger, people generally react through a fight-or-flight response. Your mind and body recognize the danger and get prepared for you to either fight or flight. 

When you’re body goes into fight or flight mode, it is in a state of stress. Your senses are heightened, your alertness and focus are peaked, and your energy leaves are fueled by adrenaline. While this is beneficial in times of true peril, stress does not add value to your life in most scenarios. 

If you suffer from unnecessary stress, you should find some ways to manage it. With this in mind, here are four tips for avoiding unnecessary stress in life.

Get active

Exercise is a natural stress reliever. It provides a mental escape and keeps your body physically fit. During exercise, the human body produces endorphins. These have a tremendous impact on your mood and work wonders in battling stress. A natural release of endorphins can also help you sleep better, further reducing stress levels.

Make an effort to stay active as much as possible. Rhythmic exercises such as walking, biking, or running are particularly beneficial as they produce a meditative effect. 

Work on time management

Time management is key when you live a busy lifestyle. Failing to effectively manage your regular workload can lead to long-term and chronic stress. At times where you’re under serious pressure, organization and time management can guide you.

One of the best ways to get on top of time management is to schedule. Different scheduling styles work for different people. Some work best with extremely detailed plans, while others work best with more vague to-do lists.

Find out what you’re best suited to and start to manage your time more efficiently.

Beware of scams

In the technological era, there are countless manipulative scams out there that prey on the vulnerable. Having confidential information or money stolen from you can leave you in a financial predicament. What’s more, it can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety.

Practice mindful activities

Mindfulness revolves around centering your mind and being present in the moment. This helps detach your mind from unnecessary stress and it relieves your consciousness of clutter, bringing clarity to your mental state. 

Practicing mindful techniques such as meditation and yoga can work wonders for reducing stress. There is a myriad of free online guides to help get you started. Meditation apps are a great way to get into a routine, as they have a number of guided sessions. 

In health,

Melinda

Are you currently feeling lost, not knowing what to do or where to go? While you may be confused and unsure of yourself in certain moments, you have much more clarity than you may be willing to admit. The feeling of confusion arises when you have too many conflicting thoughts running through your mind, and you do not have a way to hold them back and keep them at bay.

But life is full of ups and downs. So, it is not a surprise that anyone can fall victim to confusion. Even though you may feel all alone, you are not. Try focusing on persevering and getting through the problem.

But how do you go about it? What should you do when you are feeling lost and confused with life?

Be Honest with Yourself and Accept the Situation

Running from problems never solves anything. Rather than pretending that everything is okay, admit that you have a problem and take responsibility for it. You will only make the situation worse by ignoring it. The first step towards solving any confusing situation is by admitting that you have a problem. Only then can you get clarity of the confusing situation that you are facing and find a solution.

Relax and Avoid Panicking

Every time you run from a problem, there is a high probability of panicking and developing anxiety—panic and fear sets in when you start becoming afraid. If you allow it to drive you, you may create negative thoughts that may lead you to make the wrong decisions.

Instead, it would help if you strengthened yourself to face the problem through relaxation. Relaxing helps to quiet your mind making you feel calm and peaceful. Relaxation is not only good for overcoming confusion but also for stress relief. Some relaxing methods you can use include practicing mindful meditation, listening to soothing music, soaking in a warm bath, and breathing exercises.

Focus on What you Know

When confusion sets in, your mind may be thrown through a web of repetitive and consistent thoughts without a beginning or end. To get yourself out of such a situation, you should focus more on first solving what you can understand. Only then can you slowly lift off the cloud of confusion that hovers over your life.

Be Patient

Confusion is a sign that you need to take some more time before making a decision. You should accept and be at peace with the fact that you may not have all the answers. Instead of rushing to make a decision when your mind is clouded with confusion, you should take a step back and consider listening to your gut feeling.

You do not have to make your decision quickly. Take your time until you are comfortable and confident enough to trust your gut.

Take Away

Apart from stress, panic disorder, and anxiety, several other reasons may lead to confusion. For this reason, you should seek medical attention if you or anyone you know shows signs of confusion and anxiety. It may not be very comforting at first, but you can quickly deal with it by taking immediate action to boost your mental health. 

Being stuck in confusion is not necessarily bad. It highlights that no matter the path you decide to take, you will overcome the feeling of being lost.

This is a collaborative post.

In health,

Melinda

Fast Company

11-29-20

BY JORY MACKAY

Similar to productivity shame–the feeling that you’ve never done enough–time anxiety is when you feel you never have enough time to meet your goals or that you’re not maximizing the time you do have.

How often do you feel like you just don’t have enough time? Despite trying every time management technique and productivity strategyin the book, do you find it impossible to shake the feeling that time is slipping away? This is called time anxiety.

Similar to productivity shame–the feeling that you’ve never done enough–time anxiety is when you feel you never have enough time to meet your goals or that you’re not maximizing the time you do have.

“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” — William Penn

In our productivity-obsessed world, it’s common to feel overwhelmed with your schedule and workload from time to time.

But time anxiety is more than just a momentary spike in your workday stress. It’s an emotional specter that haunts your days, causes you to procrastinate on important tasks, and can even lead to burnout.

Unlike other aspects of our lives, time can never be controlled. So how can you move past the anxiety of time’s uncontrollable nature and learn to feel good about yourself and your work?

WHY YOU CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW LITTLE TIME YOU HAVE

Time anxiety is the terrible feeling that you never have enough time and aren’t doing enough with the time you do have. But to understand why you feel this way, you first need to understand your relationship with time.

As children, time usually doesn’t mean much to us. Yes, we follow a bit of a schedule. But for the most part, we’re left to fill long, unstructured days with games and learning.

As we become teenagers, however, time starts to gain importance. We have school and sports and hobbies and friends to fill it. Not only that, but we’re often told that “wasting time” now will ruin our future.

Then, suddenly, time becomes our most important and scarce resource. As adults, we have college, work, families, and all other sorts of serious responsibilities that demand our time and attention.

As we get older, time becomes something we not only have to consider but try to control.

But here’s the irony: The more we focus on the limited time we have, the more limiting our time feels.

In other words, the more you worry about time, the more time feels like something you need to worry about.

In this way, time anxiety is a lot like the Pink Rhinoceros problem.

If I ask you not to think about a pink rhino, it’s going to be the first thing that pops into your mind.

Psychologists call this ironic process theory–the process where the deliberate attempt to suppress certain thoughts makes them more likely to surface.

That’s why you can’t tell someone to just stop worrying about time. The more you try to stop time anxiety, the more you’re likely to worry about it.

THREE TYPES OF TIME ANXIETY IMPACT YOUR PRESENT, FUTURE, AND OVERALL HAPPINESS

Instead of ignoring time anxiety, you need to understand how it impacts your thoughts, behaviors, and even habits. That’s because time anxiety impacts our thinking beyond just feeling stressed over your daily schedule.

In fact, time anxiety shows itself in multiple ways. Here are a few examples:

• Daily time anxiety: This is the feeling of never having enough time in your day. You feel rushed. Stressed. Overwhelmed.
• Future time anxiety: These are the “What ifs?” that ravage your brain. You feel paralyzed thinking through everything that may or may not happen in the future depending on your actions today.
• Existential time anxiety: This is the overall anxiety of only have a limited time to live your life. No matter how much you race ahead or push forward, there’s only one finish line.

Now more than ever we demand that we make our time meaningful. This translates into anxiety about how we spend our time today, but also about how those actions impact our future.

The common answer is to focus on what you’re doing right now.

Create a schedule that supports all your goals. Build better habitsand remove distractions that waste your time. Get better at estimating projects. Prioritize important work, so you feel accomplished at the end of the day.

And while all those strategies work to help you use your time better, they don’t address the underlying issue.

HOW TO DEAL WITH TIME ANXIETY (ONCE AND FOR ALL)

Overcoming time anxiety comes down to awareness, understanding, and action.

In this sense, RescueTime was built to help people deal with time anxiety. We saw how our friends and colleagues constantly got to the end of the day and asked “Where did my time go?”

RescueTime observes how you spend time in apps, websites, and projects and gives you in-depth reports on your habits. It helps shine a light on where your time goes, which is a massive help in reducing time anxiety. The RescueTime dashboard shows you how you spend your time in apps, websites, and tools. But can too much observation of where your time goes actually add to your time anxiety?

The short answer is yes. Obsessing over any aspect of your life will lead to anxiety and stress and time is no different.

However, being unaware of where your time is going is just as stressful and can be one of the causes of time anxiety in the first place.

Think of it like the dieter wanting to lose weight. Obsessing over every calorie and carb is stressful and unsustainable. But ignoring what you’re eating won’t bring the results you want. It’s all about finding a balance between awareness and action so you can continue living your life.

If you want to remove time anxiety and feel better about your days, here are a few strategies to try.

1. Acknowledge your relationship with time

It’s probably been a long time since you thought about what time means to you (if ever).

But time anxiety builds when we ignore or try to manipulate the ways that time impacts our day. To start, you need to accept some truths about time:

• Time exists
• You can’t stop time from moving or slow it down
• All you have control over is what you do in the future

This might seem like a silly first step, but acknowledging time’s impact on your life is a powerful way to quell anxiety and start moving forward.

2. Ask what ‘time well spent’ means to you

Time anxiety comes from feeling like you’re not spending your time in the best way possible. But do you really know what the ‘best possible way’ is?

• Start by asking yourself what does a good day look like?
• At work, what sort of tasks get you into a state of flow?
• Outside of work, what hobbies or activities do you enjoy in the moment? Not just because they help you ‘turn off’ your mind?

If it helps to spur ideas, list activities under the categories from Darius Foroux’s ‘Six Spoke’ theory:

• Body: What do you like to do to feel healthy and active?
• Mind: What pushes your mind in a good way?
• Love: Who do you love spending time with?
• Work: What work or tasks make you feel good?
• Money: How do you want to use the money you do have?
• Play: What hobbies or rest activities do you really enjoy?

3. Understand the planning fallacy (and why you have less time than you think)

Listing out lots of activities can lead to more time anxiety if you’re not careful. Instead, the goal here is to be realistic about what you can do with the time you have.

Unfortunately, most of us are pretty bad at planning. We believe that eight hours of work means we have eight hours of time to schedule. However, study after study shows most people have at best 2.5 hours of truly productive time a day.

We’ve written a full guide on the planning fallacy here. However, what it comes down to is that at work, most people spend:

• 15% of their time in meetings
• 25-30% of their computer time on email, chat, and video calls
• 40% of their time multitasking and working a sub-optimal way

And that doesn’t include time spent on breaks (which are a necessity) or on nonwork activities.

The same can probably be said for your time outside of work. You might have five hours between when you get home and when you go to bed, but are you considering things like dishes, shopping, cleaning up, etc.?

This isn’t meant to stress you out further but rather to help you understand that you do have limitations you have to work within. Time can’t be stretched to fill your to-do list.

4. Make space for the things that matter (and just do them)

Time anxiety can feel paralyzing. But the worst thing you can do is sit back and wait for motivation to spend your time in a better way.

Instead, psychologists have found that motivation does not precede action, action precedes motivation.

In other words, to feel motivated and happy, you need to act.

Look at your time well-spent activities and decide how they will fit into your day. This doesn’t necessarily mean scheduling a specific time for them (although many people do this with great success).

Instead, think about how your most meaningful tasks will fit into a real day.

Will you do them in the morning before work? On your commute? After dinner when the kids are in bed? Make space for them and time will sort itself out.

When you come to terms with your limited supply of time, it’s easier to turn off the TV, log off Twitter, and do things that make you feel good.

Thinking through your day like this can also help you cut out the time-wasters and distractions that add to your time anxiety. When you come to terms with your limited supply of time and what truly matters, it’s easier to turn off the TV, log off Twitter, and do things that make you feel good.

5. Practice being a ‘Satisficer’ instead of a ‘Maximiser’

An often overlooked aspect of time anxiety is how we think about the future. Many of us stress out over making the best choice possible. But there is no ‘perfect’ decision.

Psychologists have identified two types of decision-makers:

• Maximizers strive to make a choice that will give them the maximum benefit later on.
• Satisficers make choices according to their set of current criteria and nothing more.
• Trying to maximize your time today, tomorrow, and every day after will only lead to more time anxiety. Instead, look at your time well-spent activities and realistic schedule and decide what fits best now.

(If it helps, studies have found that maximizers actually often make worse choices and suffer stress and anxiety in the process.)

TIME KEEPS ON SLIPPING. WE’RE JUST ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

We all want to spend our time in the best way possible. But stressing out over the seconds and minutes we have does us more harm than good.

As writer Maria Edgeworth wrote back in the 1800s:

“If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.”

Be realistic about your time, know what makes you feel accomplished and the rest will take care of itself.

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This article originally appeared in RescueTime’s blog and is reprinted with permission.

I don’t typically pay much attention to Fox News but this article was a good one. I quit drinking over 15 years ago and the reason may seem strange to some, my mental illness. My doctor knew I drank with all the medication I took and said it was okay from a medical standpoint. He said it made the medication less effective. After years of ups and downs and hospital stays with ECT treatments, I decided that if a little extra effectiveness would help I wanted it. I’m fortunate that I’ve had no cravings since the last drink.

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Experts weigh in on how Hollywood A-listers’ admissions can encourage others to make healthy lifestyle changes

By Melissa Roberto | Fox News

On the surface, celebrities seem to have it all: fortune, fame and success.

But behind closed doors, a number of Hollywood’s leading stars struggle with alcohol, drugs and other substances. In a year of uncertainty and drastic change with a global pandemic, a wave of confessional gratitude has swept through Hollywood with more A-listers opening up about facing their demons and their sobriety journeys.

“There does seem to be a bit of a cultural shift in our attitudes towards alcohol with an awareness that less alcohol is good for your health and that periods of sobriety may be something to aspire to,” addiction expert Dr. James C. Garbutt told Fox News. 

“Of course, if someone has a true alcohol use disorder then sobriety is a very positive thing and something to be celebrated,” he said.

MILEY CYRUS SAYS SHE ‘FELL OFF’ AMID PANDEMIC, REVEALS SHE’S TWO WEEKS SOBER

From decades-long milestone accomplishments (Elton John) to one-year anniversaries (Heather Locklear) and even brave admissions of a relapse (Dax Shepard), celebrities have embraced 2020 to speak candidly about getting clean.

In some cases, stars speak out to help provide support to other addicts and show a pathway to sobriety. While others share their stories for a sense of freedom and to be open with their fans.

“For good or for bad, we are very interested in the lives of celebrities and value their opinions about the world often more than we do those with expert knowledge,” said Garbutt, an adjunct professor of psychiatry at the University of North Carolina’s School of Medicine.

“Therefore, I think when well-known celebrities acknowledge that they have had problems with substance use but have changed their lives and have become sober, it gives folks a sense of hope and confidence that they can also do it. It is a signal that: ‘I’m not some bad person, even successful people have my problems.’”

ELTON JOHN CELEBRATES 30 YEARS OF SOBRIETY, SAYS HE’D ‘BE DEAD’ IF HE DIDN’T SEEK HELP

Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus recently admitted she ‘fell off’ her path to sobriety amid the coronavirus pandemic. (Mike Coppola/FilmMagic)

Miley Cyrus was forced into sobriety after undergoing major vocal cord surgery in November 2019, and the singer confirmed she was six months sober in June this year, saying part of her decision to change her lifestyle was because of her family history of mental illness.

“I did a lot of family history, which has a lot of addiction and mental health challenges,” she told Variety at the time. “So just going through that and asking, ‘Why am I the way that I am?’ By understanding the past, we understand the present and the future much more clearly.”

Her mom, Tish Cyrus, 53, also paid tribute to her daughter and insisted the public’s perception of the “Can’t Be Tamed” hitmaker is misplaced.

“Everybody thinks Miley is like this wild thing,” Tish said on an episode of “Chicks in the Office” in July. “She’s the cleanest person I know. She’s like, she’s just so solid.”

However, her sobriety recently took a stumble amid the pressures of the pandemic.

The former Disney Channel star admitted having a setback amid the pressures of the pandemic.

MILEY CYRUS’ MOM TALKS SINGER’S SOBRIETY, SAYS SHE’S THE ‘CLEANEST PERSON’ SHE KNOWS

Revealing she was two weeks sober, Miley told Zane Lowe in an Apple Music’s New Music Daily interview: “I fell off and I realized that I now am back on sobriety, two weeks sober, and I feel like I really accepted that time.

“One of the things I’ve used is, ‘Don’t get furious, get curious.’ So don’t be mad at yourself, but ask yourself, ‘What happened?’ To me, it was a f–k up because I’m not a moderation person, and I don’t think that everyone has to be f–king sober.”

Garbutt told Fox News how the “new normal” of isolation can be a trigger to some people in their sobriety mission.

“The [COVID-19 pandemic] is putting stress on nearly everyone and leading to increased isolation,” he said.

“We know that both stress and isolation lead to anxiety and depression and are triggers to use alcohol and drugs. It is clear that anxiety and depression are higher, so it is to be expected that alcohol use has gone up as well.”

Elton John 

Elton John celebrated the 30-year anniversary of being sober in July. (Joel C Ryan/Invision/AP)

Elton John’s addiction to drugs and alcohol was heavily portrayed in the 2019 biopic “Rocketman” – and the singer admitted this year he’d be dead if he didn’t get help.

Celebrating a monumental 30 years sober in July, the “I’m Still Standing” singer, 73, posted to Instagram: “Reflecting on the most magical day having celebrated my 30th Sobriety Birthday.”

The star continued: “I’m truly a blessed man. If I hadn’t finally taken the big step of asking for help 30 years ago, I’d be dead. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart to all the people who have inspired and supported me along the way.”

Jessica Simpson 

Jessica Simpson revealed in her first memoir, released earlier this year, that she battled an addiction with alcohol and pills to cope with the sexual abuse she endured as a child.

The singer and fashion designer, who shares three children with her husband, Eric Johnson, bravely opened up about how much her problems affected her day-to-day life, and her family, after hitting rock-bottom on Halloween in 2017.

JESSICA SIMPSON SAYS ALCOHOL WAS ‘SILENCING HER’ BEFORE GETTING SOBER

Jessica Simpson got candid about her sobriety journey in her memoir released earlier this year titled ‘Open Book.'(Raymond Hall/GC Images)

“It was 7:30 in the morning and I’d already had a drink,” she wrote, recalling how later that day she and Johnson were prepping for a Halloween party and he asked her if she could help get the kids ready.

“I was terrified of letting them see me in that shape,” she confessed. “I am ashamed to say that I don’t know who got them into their costumes that night.”

The “Dukes of Hazzard” star told People in January: “When I finally said I needed help, it was like I was that little girl that found her calling again in life.” She added: “Honesty is hard, but it’s the most rewarding thing we have. And getting to the other side of fear is beautiful.”

Her action in recovery is endorsed by Garbutt.

“The first step is to recognize when alcohol use is getting out of control, for example, drinking to excess regularly and having negative consequences from drinking,” he told Fox News. “Overcoming shame and guilt are the next big hurdles.”

As well as her dramatic 100-pound weight loss after giving birth last year, Simpson has been glowing in recent social media posts, with fans noting she looks more radiant than ever.

While Simpson has been sober for three years, staying sober for 30 days can also reward your well-being, according to Hilary Sheinbaum, author of “The Dry Challenge: How To Lose The Booze For Dry January, Sober October, And Any Other Alcohol-Free Month.”

“There are so many benefits to a dry month, including: saving money on drinks, late night munchies, hangover remedies and more, having more energy, losing weight by not taking in empty calories in alcoholic beverages and from said munchies, [as well as] better sleep and better skin,” said Sheinbaum, whose book is not specifically geared toward people in recovery.

Dry months can be typically a tool for cutting out alcohol temporarily, and can certainly lead to eliminating alcohol in the long-term, the trend journalist said.

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt credited actor Bradley Cooper for helping him get sober. (Steve Granitz/WireImage)

Brad Pitt paid tribute to fellow-actor Bradley Cooper earlier this year for helping him get sober.

In a heartwarming moment at the National Board of Review Annual Awards Gala in January, where Cooper presented the “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood” actor with the best supporting actor award, Pitt told the crowd: “Bradley just put his daughter to bed and rushed over here to do this. He’s a sweetheart. I got sober because of this guy and every day has been happier ever since.”

Cooper revealed he quit drugs and alcohol at the age of 29 — five years before starring in his breakout movie “The Hangover” – in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter in 2012.

Pitt, 56, first spoke publicly about his alcohol problems in May 2017.

“I was boozing too much. It’s just become a problem. And I’m really happy it’s been half a year now, which is bittersweet, but I’ve got my feelings in my fingertips again. I think that’s part of the human challenge, you either deny them all of your life or you answer them and evolve,” the Oscar-winner told GQ.

Pitt confessed he had to change his lifestyle because he didn’t “want to live that way anymore.” He reasoned: “Truthfully I could drink a Russian under the table with his own vodka. I was a professional. I was good.”  

Joe Rogan 

Joe Rogan got candid last month about participating in “Sober October,” a short-term one-month abstinence from alcohol. (Michael S. Schwartz/Getty Images)

Comedian and podcaster Joe Rogan announced last month he committed to “Sober October” – a short-term one-month abstinence from alcohol, akin to the other popular trend “Dry January.”

The former “Fear Factor” host posted on social media screenshots of text messages with friends who had partaken in the short-term sobriety with him for the previous two years – but they refused to join him because the pressures of life in the pandemic made it too tempting to drink.

“It’s helpful – and certainly more encouraging – to have a sober month support squad that is participating in a dry month with you, so you have someone to cheer you on and vice versa,” according to lifestyle expert Sheinbaum.

“COVID-19 and 2020 as a whole have presented a unique set of obstacles and a great deal of stress. Many people drink alcohol as a way to blow off steam,” the author – whose book is available to pre-order ahead of its Dec. 29 release – continued.

“On the flip side, because there are fewer opportunities to attend social get-togethers, parties and large gatherings such as in-person networking events, weddings, concerts and the like that often serve alcohol or offer it. For some people, there may be less of an outside influence to consume alcoholic beverages, too.”

Other stars who have enjoyed sober months include Kelly Ripa, Rumer Willis and Lo Bosworth, CEO of LoveWellness, who wrote the foreword to Sheinbaum’s book.

 Tim Allen

The ‘Home Improvement’ star recognized his 22 years of sobriety this March. (Michael Kovac/Getty Images for Moët & Chandon)

Tim Allen had credited stand-up comedy for saving him after a past that included time served in a federal prison for cocaine possession, being arrested for a DUI and a stint in rehab.

After a self-commitment to change, the “Home Improvement” actor proudly discussed his 22 years of sobriety during an appearance on “The Kelly Clarkson Show” in March.

“I’ve been drugs- and alcohol-free for about 22 years,” Allen, 66, said, revealing that someone reached out to him before he got sober.

“Because I had money and I was a star, people help, they enable you to get by,” recalled the comedian.

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“The program I practice, it’s all about as soon as you get it, you gotta give it away. A kid can’t hold on to all these toys, and every time he sees a new toy, and he goes, ‘Mine,’ you gotta drop one of those before you can grab another one.”

He acknowledged his radical transition “doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a day-to-day thing.”

Garbutt praised that outlook.

“Realizing that ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’ is important, and there will be ups and downs, but over time one’s life can improve immensely,” he said. 

Heather Locklear

Heather Locklear celebrated one year of sobriety this March. (Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage)

Heather Locklear revealed she celebrated a year of sobriety in March after a tumultuous two years that saw the actress hospitalized, sued and in an outpatient drug rehab after many personal tribulations.

The former “Melrose Place” star, 59, announced the milestone in a post on Instagram, noting that social distancing during the pandemic meant physical contact would have to wait.

“Hugs will come later! 1 year sober today!!!,” she proudly wrote. 

‘MELROSE PLACE’ ALUM HEATHER LOCKLEAR CELEBRATES 1 YEAR OF SOBRIETY: ‘HUGS WILL COME LATER’

The message was shared alongside an image of a lengthy quote – attributed to Maya Angelou – about “life” and what it means to “live”.

A part of the passage read: “I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.”

Dax Shepard

Dax Shepard is in therapy with his wife, Kristen Bell, after admitting to a relapse earlier this year. (Cindy Ord/Getty Images)

Dax Shepard has never shied away from speaking candidly about his sobriety journey, and he recently confessed he relapsed and was abusing prescription pills.

The 45-year-old actor – who was 16 years sober before the slip – underwent surgery in August after breaking multiple bones in a motorcycle accident. He also shattered his left hand in an off-road accident earlier in the year.

As part of his recovery, the “Bless This Mess” star was prescribed painkillers and admitted to taking too much Vicodin for his pain, before progressing to taking the more powerful painkiller Oxycotin, downing eight 30mg pills a day.

DAX SHEPARD ADMITS HE RELAPSED WITH OPIATES AFTER MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT: ‘I STARTED TO GET REALLY SCARED’

He apologized to his wife, actress Kristen Bell, for “this enormous secret” and “gaslighting” her during an episode of his “Armchair Expert” podcast in September.

“My tolerance is going up so quickly that I’m now in a situation where I’m taking, you know, eight 30s a day, and I know that’s an amount that’s going to result in a pretty bad withdrawal. And I start getting really scared, and I’m starting to feel really lonely. And I just have this enormous secret,” he confessed.

Speaking out about his relapse, Bell confirmed she would stand by her husband of 7 years (they also have two daughters – Lincoln, 7, and Delta, 5).

“We have a plan. If he has to take medication for any reason, I have to administer it. But he was like, ‘So we need a stronger plan. I was faltering, and I have to do some sort of emotional work to figure out why I wanted to use again,'” she said

 

We all have the ability to chart our own course. Some will have a harder time than others but we can all take the wheel and carve out a life we want to live.

We achieve this by making small decisions every day that make a big impact on the whole. It’s not always the big steps we take, but it’s the small steps that will steer our path in the long haul.

One of the biggest steps I’ve taken to find happiness is to avoid negativity, which includes limiting the amount of news I watch daily, severe negative relationships, and limit social media interaction.

Another big step this year has been to make my mental health a priority. This includes self-care, tackling new challenges, and above all seeing about my physical health daily. That means taking my medication, keeping my critical doctor’s appointments, moving more often than sitting, eating a little better, and setting realistic expectations.

I work hard to give myself credit for what I accomplish each day, no matter how small it may seem. I work within my limits and don’t beat myself up if I can’t go the extra mile.

Last but not LEAST, I’m grateful. I try to look at the smallest things like I dropped a pill on the floor and I found it before my dog’s grateful. 

The key is I’m driving the car, I’m behind the wheel.

What steps do you take each day to change your destiny?

In health,

Melinda

“I was acutely aware of my dad’s struggles with depression, it manifested in addiction at times,” Zak Williams said

By Gabrielle Chung November 23, 2020 08:09

Zak and Robin Williams | CREDIT: KEVIN MAZUR/WIREIMAGE

Robin Williams‘ son Zak is speaking out about the importance of mental health six years after the actor’s death.

On Tuesday’s upcoming episode of The Dr. Oz Show shared exclusively with PEOPLE, Zak opens up about Williams — who died by suicide in August 2014at the age of 63 — and the dark times he personally experienced after losing his father.

“I was acutely aware of my dad’s struggles with depression, it manifested in addiction at times, and he took great lengths to support his well-being and mental health, especially when he was challenged,” he says. “It was something that was a daily consideration for him.”

The PYM founder continues, “The main thing for me was noticing how he went through great lengths to support himself while he could show up for others. It was clear that he prioritized his mental health throughout most of his life, at least that I experienced with him.”

Zak says he found himself struggling with depression and addiction as well following the death of his father and realized that he needed help.

“I found myself hitting rock bottom when I wanted to just be numb. I found myself wanting to drink alcohol and just not think,” he recalls. “That was something that was really dysregulating for me.”

“I found myself waking up in the morning and feeling like I was having a dissociative experience, but I just didn’t want to be living the life I was living. I realized something had to give,” he says.

For Zak, he says finding “forms of healing, specifically relating to not only a healthy lifestyle, but also connecting with people,” has helped his mental health immensely.

RELATED VIDEO: Zak Williams Says His Dad Robin Was His Best Friend: I Understood What He Was Going Through

“I can’t stress how important service is to my life,” he says. “The other thing is I found community support groups to be really helpful. I’m in a 12-Step program, that’s very helpful for me personally. For others, it might be connecting through community organization or through sports, there’s any number of things.”

Prior to his death, Williams suffered from Lewy Body Dementia, a type of brain disease that affected his thinking, memory and movement control. It’s the second-most common type of progressive dementia after Alzheimer’s disease.

Earlier this year, Zak shared with PEOPLE about how he’s keeping his father’s spirit alive — which includes working with organizations such as Inseparable, a national policy and advocacy group that aims to ensure Americans are granted access to mental health care amid the coronaviruspandemic.

“I stay away from drugs and alcohol, I commit to support groups,” he said in May. “One thing I found very healing for me through my experience has been service and commitment to service work specifically around mental health and mental health support organizations. Eating well, committing to a healthy lifestyle. Things that I need in my weekly and daily regimen to better support my well-being.”

In October, Zak — who shares 18-month-old son McLaurin “Mickey” Clement with wife Olivia June — opened up to PEOPLE about how far he has come in his mental health journey.

“I’m thrilled to have a family and live the life that I always wanted to live,” he said. “I’ve learned I’m not broken. Despite experiencing traumatic events, I can recover. And I am now on a path of healing and being the person I always wanted to be.”

If you or someone you know need mental health help, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go tosuicidepreventionlifeline.org.

EUREK ALERT

NEWS RELEASE 11-NOV-2020

New longitudinal research shows combined lifestyle interventions promote mental wellness

NICM HEALTH RESEARCH INSTITUTE, WESTERN SYDNEY UNIVERSITY

A cross-sectional and longitudinal analysis of data from the UK Biobank, involving almost 85,000 people, has found that lifestyle factors such as less screen time, adequate sleep, a better-quality diet, and physical activity strongly impact depression.

With evolving data exploring the link between depression and lifestyle factors, the international research team led by Western Sydney University say their findings published today in BMC Medicine may help inform public health policy.

The study found:

• A significant relationship between physical activity, healthy diet, and optimal sleep (7-9 hours) was associated with less frequency of depressed mood.
• Screen time and tobacco smoking were also significantly associated with higher frequency of depressed mood.
• Over time, the lifestyle factors which were protective of depressed mood in both individuals with clinical depression and those without a depressive disorder was optimal sleep (7-9 hours) and lower screen time, while a better-quality diet was indicated to be protective of depressed mood in those without depression 
• A higher frequency of alcohol consumption was surprisingly associated with reduced frequency of depressed mood in people with depression. This may potentially be due to the self-medicating use of alcohol by those with depression to manage their mood.

“The research is the first assessment of such a broad range of lifestyle factors and its effect on depression symptoms using the large UK Biobank lifestyle and mood dataset,” said lead co-author, Professor Jerome Sarris, NICM Health Research Institute, Western Sydney University.

“While people usually know that physical activity is important for mood, we now have additional data showing that adequate sleep and less screen time is also critical to reduce depression.

“The findings also suggest that one’s dietary pattern is partly implicated in the germination or exacerbation of depressed mood.

“The results may inform public health policy by further highlighting the important relationship between people being encouraged and supported to engage in a range of health-promoting activities. In particular, maintaining optimal sleep and lessening screen time (which is often an issue in youth), while having adequate physical activity and good dietary quality, may reduce the symptoms of depression,” said Professor Sarris.

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The authors’ research also supports the use of a personalised, combined lifestyle interventions to help manage mood and promote physical wellness. This is in alignment with their recent World Psychiatry paper, led by senior author Dr Joseph Firth, a UKRI Future Leaders Fellow, from The University of Manchester, and Adjunct at NICM Health Research Institute, Western Sydney University.

Additional contributors to the study included NIHR Maudsley Biomedical Research Centre and King’s College London, United Kingdom, and the University of Padua, Padua, Italy.

The paper, Lifestyle factors associated with depression, is available online (https://doi.org/10.1186/s12916-020-01813-5) in the Journal BMC Medicine.

Disclaimer: AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert system.