A weighted blanket is a blanket filled with hypoallergenic, non-toxic polypropylene pellets. The pellets are sewn into self-contained small pockets that are evenly distributed throughout the blanket. These pellets give the blanket its weight, which should generally be around 10 percent of the user’s body weight, give or take a few pounds depending on the […]
Weighted Blanks for Mental Health — The Psych Talk
I started as a Recruiter in 1982 placing employees in light industrial jobs. My clients hired, warehouse workers, packing, anything in the warehouse that didn’t require heavy lifting or above a certain OSHA rating. It was a tough job, we had people not get their time card in on time and want to kick my ass, more than once. We had clients who discriminated, I wasn’t allowed to work those accounts, thank goodness. I worked with light industrial workers until my career developed. I moved to clerical then to information technology.
The reason I mention OSHA is the more dangerous the job the higher the number on the OSHA scale and the higher the Workers Compensation tax is. OSHA is a governing body where all job injuries are reported to with the proper forms and detailed information of incident. If you start a warehouse job unloading trucks and get moved to work on machinery there is a higher risk of getting hurt. The first thing to do is call you Recruiter and let them know of the change. First of all, if the client wants to move you there may be a monetary increase involved. Don’t approach the client, rule number one.
Let the temporary company get the details of the job move, find out if your interested and comes to the terms. There were many clients who would move people into more difficult jobs hoping to not get caught and pay a higher billing rate.
The most important point of working temporary whatever your skill set is you are now on the inside. Buckle down, do your job, ask for a project if you’re not staying busy and you have a much higher chance of being offered a permanent job when one is open. Many of my clients use temporary workers to get a look at their work ethic before hiring full-time. Don’t be arrogant and think temporary jobs are beneath you.
Every assignment is a new contact, new people to work with who know what’s going on. Don’t openly talk about getting hired, ask after you’ve been there for a month if the employer hires temporaries from time to time. Let them do the talking.
I fired more people for walking in the door acting like working temporary was beneath them and when could they expect to get hired. With that attitude you will not get hired.
Many company’s are cyclical, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Spring, Summer vacations, temporary work is going on year round and has several large blips during the year. Maybe you want to pick up a temporary job for a month to pay for Christmas, what a great way to make extra money without making a long term commitment.
One very important part of my job was to know the client, tour their facility, look at the jobs temporaries worked and write good job descriptions. If you feel your job description doesn’t fit, call your Recruiter.
In 2019 employment is the lowest in 50 years, what that means is employers have lots of choices, don’t have to get in a hurry and have the cream of the crop. These numbers may be intimidating but temporary employment goes on thru all economy’s.
Melinda
Before blogging I kept many parts/experiences hidden, no one would or could understand. I was almost 30 before seeing a Therapist, boy the baggage I had. I hid parts of my life for several reasons, ashamed, guilty and I felt responsible. When I joined WordPress in 2005 it was a diversion to help me grieve my granny.
I had very few followers and wasn’t involved, that blog was just for me and granny. After several years of the reading post, I noticed how many people had the same or similar secrets. I started to think about the past, analyzing each emotion, with the help of my Therapist I realized there was no shame or quilt. She helped me deal with the suicide of my father, my soul was an open book.
My writing started to let these secrets out and love and support astounded me. I had never talked to someone with the same secrets. I’ve spent over ten years sharing my experiences, the bad and ugly, you could say people know me from head to sole.
Melinda
Join us for the fun and sharing good media stories
Thank you for the information packed post. Reblogged from Fighting With Fibro.
If you’re like me, you’re always trying to stay apprised of new information surrounding your illness(es). Sometimes, it seems like I never see anything new and oftentimes, it seems the data I read is just somehow recycled; one site to another. So I spent some time (okay, a lot of time) gathering facts that, maybe, […]
Happy Friday, I pray you have a great weekend. Leave me some comments on the quotes, do you like what I’m posting? Melinda
https://youtube.com/watch?v=1sq0fjWMUzU%3Ffeature%3Doembed
Imagine a place for the elderly that’s also filled with the sounds of children playing. Marc Freedman goes to Singapore to investigate a new model for intergenerational living.
Have a great day and thank you for stopping by. Melinda
1794
Eli Whitney is granted a US patent for the cotton gin, a machine that vastly simplifies cotton harvesting. It will lead to huge profits for the cotton-rich South, but will also increase the demand for slaves to pick the expanded cotton crops.
1919
Max Brand, perhaps the most prolific writer of western stories, publishes his first novel, The Untamed.
1950
With input from field offices across the US, the Federal Bureau of Investigation releases its rogues’ gallery of the nation’s most dangerous criminals. In the decades to follow, the list will contribute to the capture of hundreds of suspects.
1958
The Recording Industry Association of America awards first Gold Record to Perry Como for “Catch A Falling Star”
1964
A Dallas, Texas, jury convicts nightclub owner Jack Ruby of shooting and killing Lee Harvey Oswald, the suspected assassin of President John F. Kennedy. The verdict is the first to be televised in the US.
1879
Albert Einstein is born, the son of a Jewish electrical engineer in Ulm, Germany. Einstein’s theories of special and general relativity drastically altered man’s view of the universe, and his work in particle and energy theory helped make possible quantum mechanics and, ultimately, the atomic bomb.
1914 Lee Petty, American race car driver (d. 2000)
1920 Hank Ketcham, cartoonist (Dennis the Menace)
1928 Frank Borman, American astronaut (Gemini 7, Apollo 8) and CEO of Eastern Air Lines (1975-86), born in Gary, Indiana
1933 Quincy Jones Jr, American composer and singer(We Are The World), born in Chicago, Illinois
If a job requires a resume, always take an extra copy. Take it out at first of interview and lay in lap. The greatest interview is being able to give examples of tasks or projects. As your interviewer doesn’t want to read what you’ve already written, give day-to-day details. If you pitched in while someone was on maternity leave to cover their duties instead of bringing in a temporary.
Don’t use negative language or say negative things about past employer or employee. use more positive words or keep your mouth shut. Like “I was ready for more responsibility and a position wasn’t available”.
Always, ask the person interviewing if they are aware of other positions in the company or other employers in the area. If they say yes, always get their complete name with the job title. You have a 50% more chance of getting an interview if referred.
Always write a thank you note, not an email, for their time and how you look forward to working with them. You can even have the card ready and drop off at the post office by job site.
If you are very shy, have closed in body language or speech very soft, you need to practice more than an anyone. I would recommend you take job interviews for jobs you don’t want so you can work on your presentation. Spend hours in front of mirrow if needed to project confidence.
Melinda
For many Spring Break is time to job hunt before the next school year starts. I worked in the Recruiting/Consulting/Staffing business for 30 years. I wanted to share some lessons that helped me and got me fired twice.
Drawing the Line
It can be difficult to draw the work/friend line for extroverted people, you may think your new lunch mates are your friends. They are not your friends, they are people you don’t know and can’t trust. Don’t get become a pawn at any level.
If you make a mistake be the first to bring it to light, there are no secrets. If you don’t own up to the error, the story can get blown out of proportion and you can’t crawl out.
Once example early in my career, I was 21, owned a house and lived penny to penny. The VP of the company was coming to town to ensure everyone had read the new Employment Manual. The manual was given to me two hours before she arrived and my boss strongly recommended I say I’ve read the manual. I knew I would get fired if I told the truth and my life would get very difficult.
When the VP asked me if I’d read the manual, I said the manual was given to me this morning and I’m on chapter x. She probably didn’t know I was fired, being the low man on the pole. I’m no do-gooder or high on morals but I cared more about the truth in this case. My boss wasn’t going to push me. Luckily, I was hired by the business next door the same day. Politics suck and when your new is the time people target you.
Professionalism
Always drive to the site before the interview. Have an alternate route if the weather might be an issue. More important than arriving 10 minutes early is doing your homework.
What does the company do, how long have they been in business, look at their website to see the stated corporate mission. Are they moving in the direction you want to go? Know what their key product or services are. You can find this information in the Annual Report if a public company.
Have solid questions, why is the position available, what is growth potential, what is their responsibilities. Ask them to draw you an overview of the departments they manage. Be sure to ask about their career growth and what is most important in the position.
Do not talk dollars, ask How is the package set up? Is there travel involved? When & if use your knowledge of the company to drop a line to let them know you did your homework.
Always dress for the next job you want. Dress conservative, comfortable and not tight or constricting. Women should wear light make-up unless the interview is for a cosmetic company. Wear comfortable heels, no four-inch heels. One great way to see the companies dress code is to go by at close of business.
Dress Code is always relative to the job, if working in the warehouse you don’t wear a dress. Men should wear a jacket at a minimum unless the job doesn’t require one. I always gave a candidate who came to interview in sport coat extra points. It can indicate they are eager to advance their career.
Don’t wear an outfit you have not tried on, that will start your day in a panic.
Gossip is disruptive, looked at as distrust and immature. Remove yourself from the toxic conversation or toxic people.
Do Not Go Over Bosses Head
No matter how bad, unethical your boss is don’t go over their head unless you want to get fired. A mistake I made and was fired for.
Don’t run your personal business from work.
Don’t spend time texting, using company copy paper or taking office supplies home. If you have time to chat on the phone or text your neglecting work. We all have the occasion to make a doctor’s appointment or send a text, if you are habitual expect to be fired.
I am hardcore when it comes to getting a job and keeping a job. I’ve been told many times I expect too much and can’t be pleased. That may be true, I take it as a compliment because I’m driving the process not lagging behind.
Melinda
Thanks friend for the reblog. Hugs.
(inspired by finding an old photograph of a fancy-dress party I attended at University that I hadn’t seen in years)
One of them is me
but which holds the key? Later perhaps we
shall know our fruiting journey through
maze of youth
and slow pull of stocking
for kind of touch best found
in satiny afternoon glow
outside I hear my dim-eyed neighbor
mowing lawns until he aches silver
because his wife has turned away
nobody touches him anymore with
the dreams of yesteryear
so we sprint toward each
invisible finish line
with emptiness in our hearts
filled with busy distraction
nothing lasting, nothing to
endure or sate cold claim
of climbing into bed
unwanted or alone
the feel of darkness, our shroud
from terrible disappointment
and then
then I had it all and didn’t know
standing on the precipice
we laughed at our indomitable
facility to thrive
not yet…
View original post 294 more words
Thanks, Alyssa for the reblog. :)
After a lot of soul-searching and debate with myself due to fear of ridicule and possible judgments, I finally entered the blogging community in July 2017. I must say, this was one of the best decisions I have ever made and have never once regretted this adventure!
There are numerous reasons I started and continue blogging as much as I can. For starters, I have had the opportunity to connect with over 1,500 amazing people world-wide. Some of the people I have bonded with also have Multiple Sclerosis or other chronic illnesses that are not easy to live with, but others just enjoy writing and spreading cheer just as much as I do and this alone is a wonderful thing!
Those that battle life with a chronic illness have shared what they are going through and how they manage these hard times. It is great to be able
to gain…
View original post 487 more words
Ideas.Ted.Com
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community. To see all the posts, go here.
Imagine if eating were as simple as, say, refueling a car. You’d fill up only when an indicator nudged towards E, you couldn’t possibly overdo it or else your tank would overflow, and you’d never, ever dream of using it as a treat.
Instead, for many of us, eating is anything but straightforward. What starts out as a biological necessity quickly gets entangled with different emotions, ideas, memories and rituals. Food takes on all kinds of meanings — as solace, punishment, appeasement, celebration, obligation – and depending on the day and our mood, we may end up overeating, undereating or eating unwisely.
It’s time for us to rethink our relationship with food, says Eve Lahijani, a Los Angeles-based dietician and a nutrition health educator at UCLA. She offers three common-sense steps to help get there.
So many things drive us to eat — it’s noon and that means lunchtime, it’s midnight and that means snack time, we’re happy, we’re anxious, we’d rather not bring home leftovers, we’re too polite to say no, we’re bored, and oh, wow, has someone brought in donuts?!?
Similarly, we suppress our appetite for a myriad of reasons — we’re too busy, we’re sad, we’re mad, nobody else is eating, it’s too early, it’s too late, we’re too excited.
Now try doing this: Eat only when you’re hungry; stop when you’re full. “It may seem obvious to you,” concedes Lahijani. Still, think over your past week: How many times did you eat when you weren’t hungry?
She suggests that we think about our hunger and our fullness on a 0-10 scale, with 0-1 being famished and 9-10 being painfully stuffed (as in holiday-dinner stuffed). She says, “You want to begin eating when you first get hungry, and that correlates with the three or a four on the scale and [to stop] … when you first get comfortably full, a six or seven on the scale.”
The reason you shouldn’t wait until you’re starving (or, 0-2 on the scale) is because that’s when people tend to make nutritionally unsound choices. If you’ve ever gone to the supermarket when you were ravenous, you probably didn’t fill up your cart with produce; you gravitated towards the high-calorie, super-filling items.
Lahijani says, “It’s also wise to eat when you first get hungry because you’re more likely to enjoy your food [and] you’re more likely to eat mindfully … When you let yourself get too hungry, chances are, you’re eating really fast and not really paying attention. In fact, one of the biggest predictors of overeating is letting yourself get too hungry in the first place.”
When Lahijani was a stressed-out college and graduate student, her eating took one of two forms: she was either dieting or bingeing. As she says: “Whenever I was on a diet, the diet told me what to eat,”; while on a binge, she’d eat whatever was convenient or go all out on foods forbidden by her then-diet. Developing a different relationship with food meant stepping out of those patterns. “Instead of listening to others’ opinions of what I should eat, I became silent and I tuned into my own body,” she says. “I fed my body what it was craving.”
It turns out Lahijani didn’t crave junk food. She says, “I was actually tasting things for the first time, because my mind wasn’t filled with judgment and guilt. I actually found that my body actually craved nurturing, nourishing foods like vegetables and fruits. I actually liked my sister’s kale and quinoa salad.”
It’s not surprising that we do this. After all, as children, we quickly learn that rejoicing and parties come with cake, while transgressions result in … no cake. But one of the great things about being an adult is, we can establish our own associations. By all means, let’s continue to mark our birthdays with cake — or with fresh fruit and a stockpot of homemade veggie chili if that’s what you prefer. Or, celebrate in ways that have nothing to do with eating. You can set your own rules now.
When Lahijani’s fraught feelings about food eased, she was surprised to find these effects go beyond eating. “What’s really interesting is to see how making peace with food affected other areas of my life. As I learned how to listen to myself, I became better at listening to others, I became more empathetic,” she says. “As I made a point to trust myself, I became more trusting in my relationships and more vulnerable, and as I became more loving to myself … I learned what it meant to love someone else.”
Watch her TEDxUCLA talk here:
A great reblog by My Wellness Journey. Please check out her site where you will find other fascinating posts.
One of the most interesting things I have learned about in the past few months is that all humans (and living creatures) have an Endocannabinoid system which is naturally present inside of our bodies. Apparently this system was discovered in the 1980’s. The science behind this fascinates me. All throughout our body systems we have […]
via Learning about the Endocannabinoid System — My Wellness Journey
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “abash/a bash/bash.” Use “abash,” or “bash” as a noun or a verb. Bonus points if you manage all three. Have fun!
JoAnna at https://joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com and I are on the exact same page with the bashing. We know each other, have talked a lot but I would not have guessed we would bash the exact same thing. For me bashing the media is on several layers, the parts left out to provide more drama, the local news running for two hours regurgitating the same stories. I can’t even watch the news without my blood pressure rising and wanting to bash something or someone.
I try to watch one local and one national news a day but that is too much some days. When every story includes, Trump, Russians, North Korea, who was fired that day at the White House, I want to bash the television, the talking heads, the news stations and myself for allowing this behavior to happen.
JoAnna watches Cop shows and so do I, it’s crazy that we have favorites that are the same. Blue Bloods is a nicer family cop show with doing the right thing is always the answer. I love the show but real life, my real life is not so holy. I prefer the bad-ass kick butt take names later type of show. I love NCIS LA because you have women who could probably kick anyone’s ass. They are trained and professional while bashing a terrorist head into the concrete hanging over the side of a 20 story parking lot. It sure sounds like some anger is still inside but not that I’m aware of.
I don’t want to bash anyone these days but would love to have the control and body strength to open a can of whoop ass on someone. See I didn’t say bash! Be sure stop by and read JoAnna’s, her’s is more interesting.
Melinda
Join us for the fun and sharing good media stories
Special Thanks to Invisibly Me for the Reblog
Happy Friday, everyone! Breathe a sigh of relief as the weekend is here, you’ve survived another week, and tomorrow is a new day to start afresh. Here are just a couple of finds for this issue of Frugal Friday – Enjoy & have a restful weekend 🙂 Free Letter Samples & Templates Citizens Advice have […]
Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend. Melinda
“I am a member of the team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.” – Mia Hamm
“I am lucky that whatever fear I have inside me, my desire to win is always stronger.” –Serena Williams
Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” – Nora Ephron
“I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading.” – Amy Poehler
If you are overdressed, it is a comment on them. If you are underdressed, it is a comment on you.” – Condoleezza Rice
“I know of no single formula for success, but over the years I have observed that some attributes of leadership are universal and are often about finding ways of encouraging people to combine their efforts, their talents, their insights, their enthusiasm and their inspiration to work together.” – Queen Elizabeth II
Eres excepcional
Eres bella
Eres fuerte
Usted es necesario
Puedes hacer todo lo que quieras.
Melinda
M
1876
Following the development of his prototype ‘harmonic telegraph’ device, Scotland-born Alexander Graham Bell receives a US patent on a revolutionary new form of instantaneous communication, the telephone.
1965
Marching for civil rights for African Americans, hundreds of unarmed and peaceful protesters cross the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama, and are set upon by state troopers wielding billy clubs and tear gas. Public disgust at the incident will help galvanize support for passage of the Voting Rights Act.
2010
Kathryn Bigelow becomes the first female director to win an Oscar
On this day in 2010, Kathryn Bigelow becomes the first woman to win an Academy Award for best director, for her movie “The Hurt Locker,” about an American bomb squad that disables explosives in Iraq in 2004. Prior to Bigelow, only three women had been nominated for a best director Oscar: Lina Wertmueller for 1975’s “Seven Beauties,” Jane Campion for 1993’s “The Piano” and Sofia Coppola for 2003’s “Lost in Translation.”
1988
Writers Guild of America strike begins
After rejecting what the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) said was a final offer, representatives of the Writers Guild of America (WGA) called a strike for all the union’s members to begin at 9 a.m. Pacific Time on this day in 1988.
BIRTHDAYS
1896 Philip Showalter Hench, American physician (Nobel Prize 1950 for cortisone), born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (d. 1965)
1915 Samuel Joel “Zero” Mostel, American comedian and actor (Fiddler on the Roof, The Producers), born in Brooklyn, New York (d. 1977)
1929 Frank O Gehry, architect (Galleria-Oklahoma City)
1940 Mario Andretti, Italian American race-car driver (1969 Indianapolis 500, 1978 Formula One World Champion), born in Montona, Italy
Willow and Sage de Stampington
Si alguna vez has notado que la piel o el cuero cabelludo actúan, puede deberse a la falta de herramientas de belleza limpias. Limpiar adecuadamente sus herramientas diarias no sólo elimina el maquillaje sobrante, el aceite y la suciedad y mantiene las herramientas utilizables más tiempo, sino que también reduce la posibilidad de que las bacterias causen brotes, erupciones e infecciones. Siga esta hoja de trucos para la piel sana, de aspecto feliz.
Pincel de maquillaje
Limpieza: una vez a la semana
Con: champú suave del bebé
Lanzamiento: cuando es frágil, deshilachado o maloliente
Esponja del maquillaje:
Limpieza: una o dos veces por semana
Con: jabón sulfato-libre
Lanzamiento: cada tres meses/cuando se desgarro
Rizador de pestañas:
Limpieza: una vez a la semana
Con: alcohol del frotamiento y redondo del algodón
Tirar: Reemplace la almohadilla de goma cada cuatro a seis meses
Pinzas:
Limpieza: después de cada uso
Con: alcohol del frotamiento y redondo del algodón
Lanzamiento: cuando se produce óxido
Cepillo:
Limpieza: una vez a la semana
Con: champú clarificante
Tirar: cuando está dañado o maloliente
Today I wanted to share an intriguing guest post that will likely be relevant to a lot of you out there who, like myself, struggle with migraines. CBD oil is an interesting topic as so many people now are reporting benefits, so what does the science say about its role in helping migraines? CBD oil […]
via What Does Science Say About CBD Oil & Migraines? — Invisibly Me
Willow and Sage by Stampington
If you’ve ever noticed your skin or scalp acting out, it might be due to lack of clean beauty tools. Properly cleaning your everyday tools not only removes leftover makeup, oil, and dirt and keeps the tools usable longer, but also reduces the chance of bacteria causing breakouts, rashes, and infections. Follow this cheat sheet for healthy, happy-looking skin.
Makeup Brush
Clean: once a week
With: gentle baby shampoo
Toss: when brittle, frayed, or smelly
Makeup Sponge:
Clean: once or twice a week
With: sulfate-free soap
Toss: every three months/when torn
Eyelash Curler:
Clean: once a week
With: rubbing alcohol and cotton round
Toss: replace rubber pad every four to six months
Tweezers:
Clean: after every use
With: rubbing alcohol and cotton round
Toss: when rust occurs
Hairbrush:
Clean: once a week
With: clarifying shampoo
Toss: when damaged or smelly
Bustle
When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, the best and obvious thing for you to do is leave. But sometimes that’s easier said than done. If you’re in a trauma bond, therapists say it will make leaving that situation even harder
“A trauma bond is an intense emotional bond between people that usually forms as a result of a toxic or abusive dynamic,” Samantha Waldman, MHC, an NYC-based therapist who specializes in trauma and relationships, tells Bustle.
A past history of abuse or exposure to it can make a person more likely to form trauma bonds. For instance, people who experienced some form of neglect or abuse from childhood may normalize this behavior as an adult because it’s what they “learned.”
As Dr. Connie Omari, clinician and owner of Tech Talk Therapy, tells Bustle, trauma bonding includes the tendency for a person to connect with others based off the needs of their own traumatic experiences. “Because trauma involves some unmet emotional or psychological need, the relationship serves as a way to meet this need, even when it’s not done so appropriately,” she says. “It looks very dysfunctional and typically includes one or more forms of abuse.”
These bonds aren’t limited to romantic relationships. You can form a trauma bond with friends, family members, and even co-workers. When you’re in a trauma bond, you’ll find yourself continually drawn to someone even though they cause you significant pain.
It’s easy to mistake unconditional love for something more toxic like trauma bond. So here are some signs you may be in a trauma bond with a toxic person, according to experts.
Ashley Batz/Bustle
“When we find ourselves in relationships where we feel starved for love and support, small and rare instances of affection, what some call ‘crumbs of love,’ can feel deceptively satisfying,” Waldman says. For example, if a toxic person typically belittles their partner, a compliment from them would feel meaningful and special. The “affection-starved” partner would then hang on to these singular instances hoping that they will experience it again. These little crumbs of affection basically keep them hooked.
Ashley Batz/Bustle
A relationship built off a trauma bond usually resembles a game of “predator and prey.” According to Dr. Omari, the “predator” or abusive person will intentionally seek out and exploit the vulnerable one’s need for connection. Because of this, some form of abuse may be present in the relationship such as psychological abuse, sexual abuse, or financial manipulation. “The abused person may or may not even be aware of the abuse,” Dr. Omari says. “But they will maintain the relationship because they falsely think it satisfies their need for connection no matter how unhealthy it is.”
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
“More recent research shows that the bonding actually occurs because we can become addicted to the hormonal and emotional roller coaster our abuser has put us on,” Kati Morton, LMFT, licensed therapist and author of Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health, tells Bustle. So even if the abuse is bad, the love and attention you get afterward feels good to the point that it makes you forget. According to Morton, your brain can get so used to this “up and down emotional ride” that it starts craving it. “The rush of the stress hormone cortisol, and a flood of the feel-good chemical dopamine can trigger the reward center in our brain, which can cause you to think you’re in love with your abuser,” she says. This is more likely to happen when younger or less mature.
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
When you’re in a trauma bond, you’ll feel stuck in the relationship and won’t see any way out of it. According to Morton, when you try to leave, you’ll feel an intense longing to see that person again. “The pain of that longing will always bring you back,” she says. While it may be difficult, it could be worth it to speak to a professional or loved ones to help you out of the relationship.
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
If there’s abuse involved, you may find yourself walking on eggshells around them. According to Morton, one major sign of a trauma bond is worrying that you may do or say something to set them off. Even if you know this person is doing hurtful things to you, leaving is difficult because you’re afraid they may not only hurt you but themselves. Once again, talking to a professional or loved ones can help you get out of this situation safely.
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Trauma bonding can feel like love because you’re so attached to this person regardless of what they do to you. But as Dr. Omari says, it’s very different. “The motivation for trauma is intended to serve the unmet need in the victim involved,” she says. You’re so attached to this person that you feel like you can’t get your needs met anywhere else. You’re validated by your partner’s “approval.”
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
“Your friends and family may be disturbed by some things that your partner has said or done to you, but you don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” Morton says. If people around you have mentioned that you need to get out of the relationship, but you ignore them or pretend to not know what they’re talking about, you’re likely in a trauma bond.
“A person can break the cycle of trauma bonding by being honest with themselves and setting boundaries,” Dr. Omari says. “Unfortunately, this is very difficult to do alone. If you find yourself in a relationship that’s based off your own trauma, you should be diligent about trying to end that relationship and to work on yourself.” A trauma-focused therapist can be a great resource. It may not be easy to break out of the cycle, but you can do it.
Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
By Tessa Miller Feburary 18, 2019
Finding out you have a chronic illness — one that will, by definition, never go away — changes things, both for you and those you love.
Seven Thanksgivings ago, I got sick and I never got better.
What I thought was food poisoning turned out to be Crohn’s disease, a form of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) that doesn’t have a cure. It fools my immune system into attacking my digestive system, resulting in what I can only describe as the attempted birth of my intestines through my butthole. It’s a cruel and often debilitating disease.
Since that first hospital stay, I’ve had colonoscopies, biopsies, CT scans, X-rays, blood and stool tests, enemas, suppositories, rectal foams, antiemetics, antidiarrheals, antivirals, antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, opiates, steroids, immunoglobulin, biologics and three fecal transplants (if you want to hear a story about my 9-year-old poop donor and a blender, find me on Twitter).
My disease is managed now thanks to an expensive drug called infliximab, but the future is unpredictable. IBD works in patterns of flares and remissions, and little is known about what causes either.
When I was diagnosed, I didn’t know how much my life would change. There’s no conversation about that foggy space between the common cold and terminal cancer, where illness won’t go away but won’t kill you, so none of us know what “chronic illness” means until we’re thrown into being sick forever.
When an illness that the doctors can’t cure becomes part of our life, all the rules seem to change,” said Paul K. Chafetz, Ph.D., a psychologist in Dallas. “It’s scary in a dozen ways.” I’ve learned countless lessons since the early days of my illness, but here are five I wish I’d known from the start.
Chronic illness patients not only face painful physical symptoms, but also mental ones that linger even when the disease is well controlled. “There is trauma related to certain aspects of illness or treatment, and fear of outcomes like death or disability,” said Matt Lundquist, LCSW, a psychotherapist in New York. “For many people, there are financial uncertainties of paying for medical care.” Plus, there’s anxiety over loss of autonomy and control, he said.
A therapist should be considered a crucial part of your care team, just as important as a gastroenterologist or cardiologist. “A provider who has experience working with chronic illness is key,” Mr. Lundquist said. “It’s a population whose mental health struggles can be misunderstood.” If you’re homebound, some mental health professionals will do home visits, Skype or phone appointments, or you can connect with one through apps like TalkSpace and BetterHelp.
[Please note, if you’re feeling helpless or suicidal, the Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255. You can find a list of additional resources at SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources.]
Saturday, March 2 was the 111th Iditarod held in Anchorage Alaska. Well, the opening ceremony that is; all the racers assemble in downtown Anchorage for the opening ceremony and then one-by-one mush to the airport where the dogs get put away until Sunday where the race officially starts in Willow AK. This year was an […]
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Agoraphobia is a very complex phobia usually manifesting itself as a collection of inter-linked conditions. For example many agoraphobics also fear being left alone (monophobia), dislike being in any situation where they feel trapped (exhibiting claustrophobia type tendencies) and fear travelling away from their ‘safe’ place, usually the home. Signs and Symptoms: Typical agoraphobia symptoms […]
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