Nobody wants to be involved in an accident. You have probably seen plenty of news reports and read plenty of stories that detail how bad it can be to be in a car accident. Of course, there are minor accidents as well, but ideally, you should be avoiding an accident altogether. Sometimes, it’s not down to you as you are not the one responsible and things happen. However, you can do everything in your power to avoid getting into an accident and that’s what we’re going to be talking about down below. Keep reading if you would like to find out more.
The first thing that you should make sure you do is not to talk on your phone while you are driving the car. We know that there are handsfree ways to make this possible these days, but it is still a distraction that you don’t need. What if someone gives you bad news while you are driving and you are no longer concentrating on the road? Or, what if someone starts an argument with you? The road requires 100% of your attention if you’re going to avoid getting into an accident, and that is what you should give it.
In fact, to ensure that you’re not tempted to even look at your phone put it on vibrate. If it has a ‘Do Not Disturb’ setting, put that on while you’re driving also. This way, you will only see emergencies.
Control The Car Temperature
When the vehicle gets too hot, it’s easy for a driver to become detached without even realizing that this is what has happened. Seeing as you don’t know that you’re not actually watching the road, an accident could be imminent and there would be nothing for you to do to stop it. In order to control the temperature, you are going to need to do a few things such as parking in the shade, using a reflective material, and putting it in the front of your car, as well as looking into Window Tinting by Bravo Protection Products or a similar company.
Don’t Eat And Drive
Finally, make sure that you are not eating and driving. If you are doing this it means that you don’t have both hands on the wheel which is extremely dangerous. All it takes is one split second while you are eating to lose control of the vehicle, and one hand will not be enough to regain the control that you need. This would be devastating if you ended up in an accident, and you would feel extremely guilty for a long time to come.
We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see some of the things that you can do to avoid having an accident on the road. As a driver, you are responsible for yourself and anyone that is in the car with you. You are not responsible for the actions of other drivers, however, if you can anticipate when they are going to make a wrong move before they actually do, this could make all the difference in the world.
A short train ride outside of Paris you will find The Palace Versailles Chateau Rive Gauche. This is a must see, the experience is like no other. The museum compares to the top museums in Paris. The gardens are magnificent and perfectly manicured, beautiful waterfall statues are strategically placed. This is before you enter The Palace. […]
Most families rely on a family car to function as a household. Whether it a fun family day out, grocery shopping, the school run, or daily work commute, a car is essential for many. If you are thinking about buying a new car for your family, there are some things you should consider.
Image by Brad Dorsey from Pixabay
From making sure everyone is on the same page to ensure you have the space you need, make sure you include these in your decision:
How Much Space?
Before you start shopping around, it’s essential for you to know how much space you will need in your car. Think about what you need to fit in the trunk such as prams and groceries, whether you will have more kids in the future, and how many car seats you need. If you are planning on growing your family, you may want to consider buying a larger carn than you need right now instead of buying another one too soon.
Prioritize Safety Features
Naturally, safety in your new car, especially when it comes to a family car. Have a look at the best car safety features before you start shopping. Which ones are must-haves, and which can you go without? Some cars will have special systems that assess the driver for signs of tiredness, others may have emergency braking settings. You should also think about safety features you can add on, including Isofix fittings. There are many different car
brands to choose from, so it’s a good idea to make sure you research all the options. No one wants to think about having a car accident, however, it is still important for you to be as prepared as you can. The most important thing is the safety of your family, so, whatever car you choose make sure you understand all the safety features included.
An Eco-Friendly Option
Looking after the environment and learning new ways to be greener is a big focus right across the globe. So, it’s no surprise that it is now something you should consider when buying your next family car. Cars contribute to a massive amount of carbon emissions each year, so it’s definitely a consideration to add to the list. You will most likely be looking for a green car solution for your family, this means it might be worth considering an electric or hybrid car. Hybrids use an electric motor and a traditional engine, while electric vehicles rely on electricity alone. Both of them lead to a reduction in CO2 emissions and reduced expenses in terms of fuel. You may even find that your insurance is lower, so you are reducing your family expenses.
Bottom Line
There is no getting away from the fact that choices are abundant when it comes to choosing the right car for your family. Make sure you do as much research as possible, write down all your needs and wants, and stick to your budget when shopping. Are there any other considerations you think should be included? Please share them in the comments below.
A good friend is there to offer a shoulder to cry on when it’s needed. Indeed, simply being there for a friend when they come to you with a problem can, in and of itself, be helpful to them. However, there are correct and incorrect ways to respond to problems. It doesn’t mean that the solution is always the same, but that there are definite ways you can worsen the situation before you improve it. Before you jump to help that friend, consider looking at the way that you respond to problems.
One of the most frustrating things you can do to someone who is expressing their emotions about any given experience is rush past those emotions to try and promote a solution as quickly as possible If someone is struggling with their mental health, the very first thing you should do is listen to them, take in their emotional response, and validate it. You might want to get to the solutions that can help them in no time, flat, but it’s not helping them to neglect their feelings.
“Oh, that’s happened to me, too!”
Empathizing with your friend can be a good thing. It can help you develop some sense of shared perspective that can make it a little easier for them to open up about their problems. However, if you’re going to say something like this, you need to know the difference between empathy and compassion. Empathy is a quick reaction to a situation or emotional state that we see and can understand. Compassion is the deliberate attempt to understand their feelings and how they’re reacting to that situation or state. Don’t go off into stories about your own similar experiences or downplay their emotional response by stating that it affected you in a different and less harmful way. Even if you don’t mean to, you’re making it harder for them to be honest about their own feelings.
Know that advice isn’t always the solution
If you are a great problem solver and you do know a very concrete suggestion that will help them, you can share it. Make sure they’ve had the time to express their feelings and what they want to say, first. However, if you don’t have any great ideas for advice, then don’t feel like that you have to share them. Unsolicited advice can be a risky thing to give and that’s especially so if you don’t know what kind of advice to give.
Making judging comments
Get an idea of “brutal honesty” out of your head. A lot of people go in with that mindset, but often what they get is brutality, not honesty. Even if you believe that your friend’s own mistakes led them to the predicament that they are in, who does it help to say as much? If you judge them when they are at their most vulnerable, that is what they will remember and, as a result, they’re less likely to come to you in the future. Check to make sure you’re not judgemental when trying to be helpful.
Actively check up on them
If your friend hasn’t opened up to you in such a way before then they can feel a little awkward and vulnerable about the way they have expressed themselves. You can reassure them that you are there to support them and that you are open to that kind of relationship by checking up on them and asking them how they are doing with the problem the next day. It shows that you’re genuinely interested in their wellbeing and can alleviate any feelings of guilt they might have about “burdening” you with their problems.
Just ask what you can do for them
If you do think that you can play an active role in helping them with their problems, then that’s great. Rather than rushing to do it yourself, however, you should ask how you can support them. They might just want someone to listen to them, they might want someone to offer advice, or they might be open to more practical and hands-on assistance. The words “what can I do to help?” can be a very important step in making sure you’re not stepping on any toes.
Again, that you’re willing to listen to and help a friend is a great thing, by itself. But if you want to make sure that you are, indeed, being on the helpful side, you need to consider the above mistakes that you might be making.
Teresa Wilson from Headlands asked if would share a post from their blog and add Headlands to my resources on the Organizations Who Can Help page. If you would like more information, there are links below.
Is Your Center Equipped to Deliver patient-centered, culturally sensitive treatment services to the LGBTQ+ Community?
The Importance of Providing the LGBTQ+ Community with Affirming Care
This article shows why providing an LGBTQ-affirming treatment facility creates a more inclusive treatment environment and expands potential recruitment opportunities. Treatment programs that offer treatment to the LGBTQ+ community are vital to the growth of your treatment program.
The Importance of Reaching Out to the LGBTQ+ Community
It’s estimated that over 16 million Americans identify as LGBTQ+. Each generation of Americans sees a higher percentage of members identifying as LGBTQ+:12%Baby Boomers4%Generation X9%Millenials16%Generation Z
The significant increase from Generation X to Generation Z shows a trend that your treatment program needs to account for. Generation Z is approaching peak age for addiction issues, with its oldest members now in their mid-20s. In California, the numbers are more compelling. Approximately 28% of California’s LGBTQ+ population is Generation Z and 25% are Millenials.2
To remain competitive, your treatment program must create an inclusive environment for the LGBTQ+ community.
LGBTQ+ Members Experience Substance Use Disorders at a Higher Rate
Substance use disorder (SUD) can devastate lives if not treated, and LGBTQ+ people are 2.5 times more likely to develop SUD than non-LGBTQ+ members.3 However, healthcare and appropriate treatment for LGBTQ+ individuals are sparse. SUD treatment centers must bring more comprehensive LGBTQ+ affirming care to their models.Without LGBTQ+ affirming care, treatment centers cannot properly aid a significant portion of patients.https://www.youtube.com/embed/NFms3xO98Nk?
How Do You Start Providing an LGBTQ-Affirming Treatment Facility?
Pair with a partner experienced in treating the LGBTQ+ community and who knows the ins and outs of providing an affirming treatment program. Partnering with experts allows you to provide urgent services quicker and with fewer missteps, thereby improving your reputation and profits.
The Bottom Line
Between 9% to 16% of your treatment demographic identifies as LGBTQ+ and experiences substance use disorders at a higher rate than the general population. Can you afford not to provide an LGBTQ-affirming treatment environment?
Defining LGBTQ+ and Substance Use Disorders
Let’s define the key terms that we discuss in this article. Namely, LGBTQ+ and substance use disorders.
What Does LGBTQ+ Mean?
The LGBTQ+ community is a minority group consisting of non-heterosexual and non-cisgender individuals. Cisgender means that one identifies with the gender assigned at birth. Because the LGBTQ+ community is diverse and complex, there are many definitions for each sexual and gender identity.
Gay is a term for those attracted to the same gender as themselves. Lesbians are women attracted to other women. Bisexuals are attracted to multiple genders. The Q in LGBTQ+ sometimes refers to questioning but more commonly means queer. Queer is a reclaimed umbrella term for members of the LGBTQ+ community.4 Other sexual identities embody the “+” in LGBTQ+. Asexual members do not experience sexual attractions. Pansexual individuals are attracted to someone regardless of gender. Some use bisexual and pansexual interchangeably, while others prefer one over the other. 4
The LGBTQ+ community also embodies varying gender identities. Transgender is a term for those whose gender does not align with the gender assigned to them at birth. 4 Being non-binary means something different for everyone. Non-binary individuals are those who experience gender outside of the male/female binary. Some nonbinary members use they/them pronouns over he or she.These terms are constantly discussed, expanded upon, and debated amongst members of the community. Many members of the LGBTQ community will likely experience and define their identities differently than others. 5
Examples of Famous People in the LGBTQ+ Community
Lesbian – Ellen DeGeneres, Kate McKinnon
Gay Men – Pete Buttigieg, Neil Patrick Harris
Bisexual – Michelle Rodriguez, Drew Barrymore
Transgender – Laverne Cox, Caitlyn Jenner
Queer – Ezra Miller, Courtney Act
(+) Non-Binary – Elliot Page, Rose McGowan
(+) Gender Fluid – Ruby Rose, Miley Cyrus
Criteria for SUD
SUD harms one’s life and well-being. Substance use disorders can be mild, moderate, or severe. The symptoms fall into four overarching categories: impaired control, risky use, social impairment, and pharmacological criteria such as withdrawal and tolerance. 6 The DSM lists 11 different criteria for substance use disorder. Having 2-3 symptoms is a mild SUD, 4-5 symptoms signify a moderate SUD, and 6 or more indicates a severe SUD. Symptoms include:
The substance is taken for an extended period or in larger amounts than intended.
Unsuccessful efforts to cut back on the substance.
Excessive time dedicated to the substance, whether obtaining or using it.
Cravings for the substance.
Failure to meet major social and work obligations due to substance use.
Substance use occurs despite occupational problems related to it.
Quitting social, recreational, or occupational activities because of substance use.
Using the substance in dangerous situations.
Continued use of the substance despite the knowledge that it causes psychological or physical problems.
Tolerance of the substance increases.
Withdrawal symptoms when substance use stops.
For individuals with a substance use disorder, the misuse of drugs or alcohol is not voluntary. Brain imaging scans for those with SUD show physical changes in the areas responsible for behavior, decision-making, learning, memory, and judgment. In the LGBTQ+ community, substance use disorders consistently make life more difficult.6https://www.youtube.com/embed/Tf53Cg8QRVA?
Beyond SUD – The LGBTQ+ Community and Mental Health
Members of the LGBTQ+ community are more prone to mental health problems.
According to the APA, LGBTQ+ individuals are more than twice as likely to develop a mental disorder in their lifetime than straight and cisgender individuals. LGBTQ+ individuals also might experience higher levels of psychosis, bipolar disorder, and other mood disorders.
The rate of such disorders is because of the oppression and hardships LGBTQ+ members experience due to their sexual or gender identification. These difficulties lead to a higher risk of mental illnesses, and these mental illnesses can co-occur with substance use disorders. Both disorders must be considered during treatment. 7
Anxiety, Depression, and Suicidal Thoughts
LBGBTQ+ individuals are more likely to experience anxiety and depression than heterosexual and cisgender individuals. LGBTQ+ members are also more likely to experience severe depressive episodes, and suicidal thoughts are prevalent amongst members of this community.
While 2.2% of cisgender and heterosexual individuals have considered suicide, 4.4% of gay men and lesbians have considered suicide alongside 7.4 % of bisexual individuals. Approximately 30.8% of transgender individuals have also considered ending their own lives. When it comes to suicide attempts, lesbian, bisexual, and gay youth are over 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than cisgender, heterosexual youth. 8
PTSD
LGBTQ+ individuals are at an increased risk for PTSD. This is likely because many members face an increased risk of violence and trauma due to their identification. When treating LGBTQ+ patients, it’s important to understand the potential likelihood of trauma. 9
Eating Disorders
People in the LGBTQ+ community are at a higher risk for eating disorders than their heterosexual and cisgender counterparts. Increased discrimination and the stress associated with being LGBTQ+ can lead to binge eating in lesbian and bisexual women. Furthermore, body dissatisfaction is common amongst gay men and can increase the risk of an eating disorder.10
The Minority Stress Model and Challenges for the LGBTQ+ Community
A significant factor behind LGBTQ+ mental illness statistics is the minority stress model. The minority stress model indicates that LGBTQ+ individuals face unique challenges that cause additional stress and mental health problems.10 To complicate matters, many LGBTQ+ people have reported stigma when trying to access health services, leading some individuals to forego healthcare and treatment completely.
LGBTQ+ individuals face homophobia and/or transphobia on an internal, social, and sociopolitical scale. They are more likely to be homeless and unemployed. Transgender people face higher rates of poverty than cisgender individuals, and this factor is worsened by a lack of legal and federal protection.LGBTQ+ people are also more likely to face violence and harassment.
While all members of the LGBTQ community are at an increased risk for violence, transgender individuals are more likely to be victims of hate crimes and assaults.
LGBTQ+ people are also less likely to have social support in comparison to heterosexual individuals. This is particularly true for LGBTQ+ individuals who live in a region with a small LGBTQ+ population. Bisexual members might feel particularly isolated, facing discrimination from society as well as prejudice from within the community. All these factors and more contribute to the significant stress LGBTQ+ people face, which may lead to substance use. 11
How Common is Substance Use in the LGBTQ+ Community?
Like other mental illnesses, SUD is more common in the LGBTQ+ community than in straight and cisgender people. For instance, women who identify as lesbian/bisexual are more than twice as likely to engage in heavy alcohol use as heterosexual women.Trans individuals are more likely to struggle with substance use due to the increased amount of violence and discrimination they face.
Trans people are also more likely to be assaulted and could develop a substance use disorder stemming from the assault. 12
Further studies must be done to determine the true extent of LGBTQ+ substance use and the contributing factors. It’s clear, however, that substance use disorders are more common in the LGBTQ community largely due to minority-related stress. Factors such as discriminatory government policies, violence, self-hate, social isolation, and family disapproval often contribute to the development of SUD. Transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals have unique stressors, as do LGBTQ+ people of color. Many studies have found that substance use in the LGBTQ+ community is due to stress-related coping.
Sociocultural differences and the targeting of LGBTQ+ people by tobacco and alcohol companies also exacerbate the problem. The LGBTQ+ community tends to have more permissive substance use norms. 13
What Substances are Most Abused or Misused in the LGBTQ+ Community?
Alcohol
Alcohol use is very prevalent within the LGBTQ+ community. Historically, LGBTQ+ people had to seek refuge from prejudice in standard bars, meaning gay bars became the norm for LGBTQ+ social settings. Many people within the community agree that the number of gay bars compared to non-alcohol-oriented settings is likely a contributing factor to alcohol abuse. While most LGBTQ+ people appreciate the historical significance of gay bars, many members have expressed social pressure to fit in and drink at them. 14 Alcohol misuse, especially in the form of heavy drinking, leads to a variety of dangers and problems. These problems include blackouts, suicide, and sexual assaults. For trans people, suicidal ideation became more common while drinking. 15
Stimulants
LGBTQ+ people are more likely to use stimulants than those not in the community. Stimulants include, but are not limited to, cocaine and methamphetamine. Stimulant use is typically higher for LGBTQ+ individuals than cis and straight individuals, though lesbians tend to use stimulants almost equally to their heterosexual counterparts. For gay and bisexual men, stimulant use is much higher than that of their heterosexual peers. Approximately 9.2% of gay men use stimulants in comparison to 3.2% of heterosexuals. 16
Opioids
While there’s not much information available on transgender individuals for opioid use, studies show that lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals are at a higher risk for opioid abuse. Bisexual women are particularly at risk. Many members of the LGBTQ+ community have reported more access to opioids than their heterosexual peers. 17
Addiction Treatment Options
Thankfully, there are various treatment options available for those with substance use disorders. LGBTQ+ people who struggle with substance use disorder can be put in detox therapy, inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment, or medication-assisted treatment. 18
Adding LGBTQ-Affirming Treatment to Your Facility
LGBTQ+ individuals need treatment centers that properly serve them. Create a welcoming environment in your treatment center by including LGBTQ+ media and pamphlets in the waiting room, enforcing non-discrimination policies, and acknowledging LGBTQ+ observances and holidays.
LGBTQ+ Staff
Including LGBTQ+ staff and providers can also make patients feel more comfortable. It is also important to provide ongoing training in culturally affirming treatment for the staff. Facilities should show LGBTQ+ affirmation as well. Gender-neutral restrooms, for instance, are essential for many in the LGBTQ+ community. Adopt LGBTQ+ friendly procedures and ensure all staff can carry out LGBTQ+ affirming interactions with patients.
Embracing Cultural Humility
During treatment, providers should embrace “cultural humility”. This is different from “cultural competency”. Cultural humility requires constant ongoing learning about the patient’s identities and experiences within them. Cultural humility recognizes that there will always be more to learn and that everyone within the culture is different.
Staying Up to Date
Stay up to date on current potential stressors for the LGBTQ+ community. Discriminatory laws and current events often play a vital role in an LGBTQ+ person’s mental health. It’s essential to stay up to date to understand the laws and potential discrimination LGBTQ+ patients will face. One’s language also matters. Avoid using outdated terms such as “homosexual” and remember that not all LGBTQ+ people have reclaimed the word “queer.” Avoid assumptions about a patients’ gender identity or sexuality. Ask a patient for their preferred pronoun and, if the wrong pronoun is used, apologize but don’t over-apologize. When it comes to training, there’s always more to learn. Sensitivity training programs for staff are a great place to start.
Trauma-Informed Care for LBGTQ+ Addiction treatment
Because LGBTQ+ people are marginalized and more likely to have PTSD, it is essential to recognize the impact of potential traumas on their substance abuse disorder recovery. A crucial part of trauma-informed care is creating an environment where the patient feels safe and secure. For LGBTQ+ people, that involves an affirming approach.
When you create a safe space for LGBTQ+ people, they’ll feel able to disclose and work through their traumas. Trauma may be the root of addiction and giving patients a safe space to work through it will make treatment more effective.19
Bostock and Title VII of the Civil Rights Act
In 2020, the Supreme Court ruled that gender identity and sexual orientation were protected from discrimination by the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
On January 20, 2021, President Biden signed an Executive Order applying these protections to all federal laws, regulations, and agencies. Because of the Supreme Court decision and the Executive Order, anyone doing business with the federal government is prohibited from discriminating based on gender identity or sexual orientation.
President Biden ordered all federal agencies to consult with the Attorney General as soon as possible to review all existing orders, regulations, guidance documents, policies, programs, or other agency actions.20 Meaningful change is arising quicker than expected.
Can your treatment facility avoid actions that might be construed as discriminatory to the LGBTQ+ community? You need to consider your interactions with patients and staff. The last thing a treatment facility can afford is an LGBTQ+ discrimination lawsuit that drives away potential patients.
Recapping Why Reaching the LGBTQ+ Community is Vital
Including LGBTQ+ affirming programs will prompt more members of the LGBTQ+ community to your treatment center.
The LGBTQ+ community is an often misunderstood minority group that needs better healthcare and services. Incorporating LGBTQ+ affirmation into your treatment center could do a world of good for your patients and your business. When it comes to LGBTQ+ patients, an affirming program can make all the difference.
Each patient’s path to recovery relies on access to effective addiction treatment services and compassionate support. Are you an addiction treatment program looking to improve the lives of your patients? If you want to improve your program’s success by offering more effective services, collaborating with reliable experts, and overcoming obstacles, call us today to learn how we can help you.
We identify the flag with almost everything we hold dear on earth; peace, security, liberty, our family, our friends, our home…but when we look at our flag and behold it with all our rights we must remember that it is equally a symbol of our duties. Every glory that we associate with it is the […]
Below are some facts on traumatized kids: 1. Traumatized kids don’t mean to push your buttons. Neither do they mean to be challenging. They are usually feeling tense, anxious, stressed and afraid. They also feel unsafe and out of control. In addition, they’re afraid to trust, they don’t know who to trust, and they wonder […]
Fact: May 20, 1873, is the “birthday” of blue jeans
According to the Levi Strauss website, this was the day that Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis, the innovators behind the sturdy blue jeans we all love, got a patent on the process of adding metal rivets to men’s denim work pants for the first time in history. The pants were called waist overalls until 1960 when baby boomers began calling them jeans.
Fact: 170-year-old bottles of champagne were found at the bottom of the Baltic Sea
The bottles of bubbly are estimated to have been traveling from Germany to Russia during the 1800s when they sank to the bottom of the sea, says New Scientist. Turns out that the bottom of the sea, where temps are between two and four degrees Celsius, is a great place for wine aging. Oenologists, people who study wine and winemaking, sampled the champagne and described it as, “sometimes cheesy,” with “animal notes,” and that it had elements of “wet hair.”
Fact: The MGM lion roar is trademarked
At the start of any movie made by the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studio, there’s the iconic lion that roars at the audience. While MGM has gone through several iterations of lion mascots, the sound of the roar is always the same. The company trademarked the “sound mark” with the United States Patent and Trademark Office in the ’80s.
Fact: Neil Armstrong’s hair was sold in 2004 for $3,000
The lucky buyer, John Reznikoff, holds the Guinness World Record for the largest collection of hair from historical celebrities, reports NBC. The not-so-lucky barber Marx Sizemore, who cut Armstrong’s hair, received threats of being sued by Armstrong’s lawyers who said he violated an Ohio law that protects the rights of famous people. Sizemore said he wouldn’t pay, and Reznikoff said he wouldn’t give back the hair but that he’d donate $3,000 to charity.
Fact: Irish bars used to be closed on St. Patrick’s Day
You might associate St. Patrick’s Day with wearing green and drinking so much you think you actually see leprechauns. However, until 1961, there were laws in Ireland that banned bars to be open on March 17. Since the holiday falls during the period of Lent in the heavily Catholic country, the idea of binge drinking seemed a bit immoral.
Fact: Nikola Tesla hated pearls
Tesla was a European electrical engineer who paved the way for current system generators and motors. The way electricity gets transmitted and converted to mechanical power is thanks to his inventions. However, despite experimenting with electricity, he despised being in the presence of pearls. One day when his secretary wore pearl jewelry, he made her go home.
Fact: Thomas Edison is the reason you love cat videos
Thanks to Edison’s invention of the Kinetograph in 1892, he was able to record and watch moving images for the first time. He filmed short clips in his studio named Black Maria. Some of his shorts feature famous people like Annie Oakley and Buffalo Bill, but the real stars are The Boxing Cats. Check out the video Edison captured of adorable cats in a boxing ring circa 1894.
Fact: Brad Pitt suffered an ironic injury on a film set
During Pitt’s prime acting career, he filmed Troy, based on Homer’s Illiad. He played the brave, and buff, Greek hero Achilles. Legend has it that Achilles could not be defeated unless hit in his Achilles heel. While filming an epic battle scene, Pitt ironically hurt his Achilles tendon that put him back two months.
Fact: Pregnancy tests date back to 1350 BCE
Based on an ancient papyrus document, Egyptian women urinated on wheat and barley seeds to determine if they were pregnant or not, according to the Office of History in the National Institutes of Health. If wheat grew, it predicted a female baby. If barley grew, it predicted a male baby. The woman was not pregnant if nothing grew. Experimenting with this seed theory in 1963 proved it was accurate 70 percent of the time.
Fact: Martin Luther King Jr. got a C in public speaking
Everyone remembers Dr. King as a leader of the Civil Rights Movement and often quotes his “I Have a Dream” speech that he delivered in 1963. However, over a decade before his legendary speech, while attending Crozer Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania, he earned a C in public speaking during his first and second term.
So glad you are enjoying these post, I love hearing your hilarious comments.
I came home from the hospital after just one night, in 2017 they kept me in for three nights when I had my right knee replaced. One day seems too fast but by yesterday I started to see some of the logic. Aside from insurance saving money, the key to a good rehab is moving your knee a lot!
Yesterday the Physical Therapist came and gave me a great report. The ultimate goal of PT is to get your knee to bend backward 100-110%, I did 90% in my first session. He said all the walking up and down the stairs has made all the difference. I learned so much with the last surgery and knew pushing yourself to start walking and getting up the stairs was critical.
Thank you for all the kind words and prayers sent this past week. I received every one of them and my good report from the Physical Therapist shows how much support I have from up above and all around me.
I wanted to share my painful two-year journey with you in hopes some of you will have the same problem and be a blessing to get treatment like I did.
Everyone’s migraine story is different. I had maybe a half dozen migraines when out of the blue they hit me like a hammer. First, it was one to two days a week and not completely debilitating. After a very short period of time, they escalated to four or five a week and did start to impact my life.
My doctor had me take Beta-Blockers at first to help, boy that was terrible. My blog pressure got so low, that I could hardly lift my arms and legs and was having trouble driving. He changed me to a different type of preventative medication and gave me a full supply of Sumatratophan injections.
I was at the height of my career and daily migraines were dramatically impacting my ability to keep my client appointments, I had to often reschedule meetings. It took a good hour after injection to get back on the road to pick up with my day.
This nightmare went on for two years, I don’t know how I stayed sane and kept my job. Let alone remain a top performer at my company.
During a follow-up appointment, my doctor said he’s just read an article on the plane about how your Sinuses can cause migraines. He referred me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and I found my answer. I had a Deviated Septum which was pressing on the nerves and causing the migraines. A simple day surgery corrected the problem and I’ve had very few since then.
This is just a note about nose surgery. I don’t know how they do it today since my migraines were during the ’90s. My doctor did not believe in packing the nose. Basically, I had to use these long Q-tips and put Vaseline way back in my nose several times a day. This is my preferred method.
Please forgive me if this doesn’t flow very well, I wrote this the day after returning home from the hospital and my mind wasn’t so clear. I hope you all make sense to you.
So glad you are here today and I enjoy all your comments.
I’m home a doing ok, well, in extreme pain but alive and healing up quickly. I have the greatest doctor who can do a knee replacement without cutting the muscles. I don’t know how he does it, I haven’t watched my video yet.
I hope you have a great weekend with friends and family making memories that will last a lifetime.
Mental health and your overall psychological stability are two things that absolutely MUST be looked after every single day of the week. Sure, if you’ve never really dealt with mental blows before, then you could probably handle plenty of things that come your way. The majority of people have had to deal with plenty of worries and troubles in the past, however, so mental health will also be a priority.
One of the great things about the human brain is that it can be helped out with the right kind of work and the right kind of training. Mental illnesses and traumatic experiences can act as huge barricades for people wanting a calmer and more peaceful life upstairs, but they can be overcome. Here are just a few ways every single person on the planet can keep themselves in the right place mentally:
Create A Plan For The Day And Stick To It
A lot of worry and anxiety comes from the fact that we don’t know where we’re heading. We begin to panic because we have lots of different thoughts, ideas, and errands going off in our heads with no plan of when to do them. This becomes incessant and constant if not dealt with. A plan can remedy it very nicely. If you’re not one for bullet journaling, perhaps you could take it up. It’s really quite satisfying to complete.
Talk About Problems When They Flare Up
Life is very difficult at the worst of times. It can be quite challenging at the best of times, too. If you’re finding things to be a little too much, then you should always go to someone and talk to them about it all. People close to you will want to support a friend and see you become the best version of yourself. Keeping things bottled up will not help anyone out at all. You feel a release of pressure whenever you talk about things going on in your life.
Do Things That Feel Cathartic
You need to have experiences in your life that take you away from issues going on in your life. If you can remove yourself from problems, then you’re only going to be helping yourself out. So, whether that means making stuffed chicken in the kitchen, baking different kinds of cakes, painting, writing, or anything remotely cathartic, it’s worth considering. Allow yourself this kind of tension reliever.
Exercise
Whenever you’re having quite a rough day, a good workout can make negativity disappear for a while. It won’t remove all problems, but it’ll put you in a good place to attack the problems you have. There are so many mental health benefits to exercising and putting your body through this kind of challenge. Getting into this routine would help you out immensely.
Practice Positive And Grateful Thinking
It’s so easy to focus on bad things – especially when you’ve not been in a great place for a while. Positive thinking will change your life for the better, though. A lot of people feel it’s delusional, but it doesn’t matter. When you think positive thoughts, you attract positive outcomes and positive people.
The United States was known for developing a concept called “The American Dream,” the idea that anyone can be successful if they put in the effort. While there are different speculations about the notion of the American Dream still being a thing, it is what contemporary America was built on.
But maybe — could it be ever so possible — the American Dream is harder, or even much harder, for some to reach? What about those who grew up in poverty that has lasted for generations? Sure, the cycle can be broken, but that is no trivial task. How about those, in correlation with poverty, suffer from a piece of knowledge or — in this day and age — a digital divide? Another population to consider is that of individuals who suffer from disabilities. More is to be said on that momentarily.
Like many things in life, the way an individual lives the entirety of their life is contingent upon their foundation. In this context, a foundation of poverty, financial illiteracy, and a lack of resources are much more likely to lead to failure in the context of the American Dream as opposed to someone who grew up in a middle-class home. Again, that is where interpretations of the American Dream remain subjective.
Now, think about individuals — adults and children — who suffer from disabilities; think especially about them in terms of the American Dream.
The scientific community and increasing society have come to terms that disabilities take a wide variety of forms. They are not only physical and visible but also mental and invisible. Naturally, this increased understanding has led to a more voluminous DSM and more contests behind its long-held authority. Thankfully, the increased understanding has come to greatly benefit those who suffer from physical and cognitive disabilities. At the same time, we’ve recognized we were wrong on some “disabilities”; for example, homosexuality was listed as a disability for a long time.
All of this is to say that the American Dream is more difficult to obtain for people with disabilities — physical and mental. Thankfully, in the United States and many other parts of the world, there are resources for those who suffer from disabilities but are still able to be or become productive members of society. One of those resources is occupational therapy.
First thing’s first: a definition that can be agreed upon is in order. According to Merriam-Webster, occupational therapy is defined as “therapy based on engagement in meaningful activities of daily life…especially to enable or encourage participation in such activities despite impairments or limitations in physical or mental functioning.”
Some examples Merriam-Webster lists about occupational therapy include self-care skills, education or work, and social interactions.
Understood.org recognizes that starting occupational therapy as soon as possible leads to more success with it; really, the same could be said for most if not all treatments. It also recognizes that occupational therapy is more beneficial for children than adults, though the latter can certainly benefit from it. The other challenge is that while occupational therapy is provided for minors at academic institutions, adults who wish to engage in occupational therapy usually have to see a private, for-profit expert. Additionally, insurance may or may not cover occupational therapy for adults.
Occupational therapy, evidently, is not possible without a dedicated, well-trained workforce. While like any career it comes with its challenges, there are many satisfactory rewards that come from this occupation. Schools offering this graduate-level specialty are known as MOT programs or Masters in Occupational Therapy.
This should not be confused with occupational therapy assistants. While both play a crucial role in uplifting those individuals with disabilities, there are different educational and payment requirements and structures. Occupational therapy assistants need to graduate from an associate degree program at a community college; occupational therapists, on the other hand, need to complete a specialized master’s degree program from a graduate school.
Both occupational therapists and occupational therapy assistants should expect satisfactory pay and strong job growth, though there will be even more job growth for the latter than the former. The U.S. resource known as the Bureau of Labor Statistics notes that from 2019 and for a decade afterward, the projected growth rate for new occupational therapy assistant jobs should increase by 32%. Occupational therapists will still see excellent growth but only by 16%.
The key to setting yourself up for success is to take the initiative early on but later is better than never.
Life sometimes throws us curve balls that we don’t see coming. That’s one of the most constant things in life: we should expect the unexpected! No matter how well we plan for our futures, things can go wrong – whether it is an illness, job changes, housing issues, or relationship shifts.
Lawyers exist for exactly the type of situation you don’t see coming. They are there to protect and represent you when you find yourself in a troubling situation of any nature.
Most people will avoid hiring a lawyer if they can help it in any way. Some reasons people don’t want a lawyer are:
Lawyers are expensive. Due to the high level of training and experience lawyers come with, there’s a hefty price tag on their services. Some lawyers work pro bono, or in many cases, you can be provided with a lawyer by the state – but if you want to pick the lawyer who represents you, prepare to pay.
Lawyers are seen as intimidating or even cruel. There’s a stereotype around lawyers that they are cruel or intimidating people who are there to criticize your choices or way of life. This isn’t true, but often, it is the reason a person will avoid hiring a lawyer.
Lawyers make the situation seem more serious. If something bad happens to you, it’s easy to stay in denial about how serious it really is. A lawyer’s presence will make the whole thing feel very real, meaning that some people avoid hiring one altogether, even if they need a lawyer’s help.
When You Should Hire A Lawyer
There are numerous situations where hiring a lawyer is a great idea. Even if you have concerns like the ones listed above, it’s always beneficial to have a legal professional walking you through difficult times in your life.
It is beneficial to hire a lawyer if:
You are getting a divorce. Divorces are rough times, even if they are being done in a friendly way. A divorce lawyer can help you get through the difficult times, alleviating some stress and taking the weight of the logistics off your hands.
You or someone who works for you is injured at work. Whichever side you are on – whether someone is making a claim against you, or you against them – hiring a personal injury lawyer is essential in this situation. Click here to learn more about how a personal injury lawyer can help you.
You are being accused of a crime. Nobody wants to be accused of committing a crime, but it does happen – and if it happens to you, no matter how trivial the claim seems, get a lawyer as soon as possible.
You are interested in starting a business. Corporate law is a tricky subject, so if you are looking to start a new company, consult with a lawyer first.
Overall…
Lawyers seem intimidating and serious, but they are only there to help you go through tricky proceedings with ease and care.
A car accident can happen to anyone. Even if you don’t drive, you could be involved in an incident due to traffic or wrongful crossing. Dealing with life after a car accident is more than physical recovery. It can affect your mental well-being and involve dealing with compensation and legal claims. If you have been involved in a car accident and wondering what the essential practices are, here’s more.
Use expert legal advice to assist you with your claim
For any accident, you should use legal assistance to help you with your claim. In the case of a car accident, especially if it wasn’t your fault, you must seek legal advice to help recover your car, look over your insurance policy, and attain the compensation you deserve.
When using attorneys, you must ensure to ask any essential questions. No question is a silly question. They are experts in their field and will offer you the best help possible. Whatever concern or worry you have, you can talk to them about it so that they can help you resolve it.
Remain at the scene and gather evidence
If you are involved in a severe accident, the first step will be to get your emergency medical assistance.
If the accident is minor and leaves no physical injury, then you could remain at the scene and gather as much evidence as possible to assist your claim. Photographic evidence will help in court as well as help with the insurance. Additionally, gathering witness statements will help offer a non-biased view of what happened.
Remaining at the scene will allow you to speak to the police and report the accident as clearly as possible.
Exchange information
Whether or not two cars have collided or you have been hit as a pedestrian, you must exchange details with the other person involved in the car accident. This will help with your insurance claim and allow you to stay in contact throughout the recovery period.
You should take note of their name, address, license plate, and insurance policy number. The police should gather this information from everyone involved. But, it is good to note down the details yourself.
Contact your insurance company
If you were involved in a car accident that involved your car, then you must contact your insurance company. They will need to be told about the accident to begin your claim.
Some advanced companies allow you to upload evidence to an app so that the claim can get rolling as soon as possible.
Repair the car
For those involved in an accident that involves a car, you will need to get it repaired. It can be dangerous, or illegal, to drive around in a damaged car. It can pose danger to you and others. Thus, ensure to get it repaired as soon as possible.
Before going back on the road, ensure you are physically and mentally ready.
A lot of everyday tasks benefit from a combination of relaxation and focus. Driving is possibly the most obvious example of this. At a minimum, getting this balance right can help to avoid negative consequences. For example, you won’t have to file a car accident claim. At best, it can really boost your performance. With that in mind, here are three tips to help.
What this means in practice will depend on the situation. Ideally, you’ll resolve any troubling issues before you begin your task. In the real world, sadly, that’s not always going to be possible. What you can do, however, is offload them and commit to dealing with them later.
What this means in practice will depend on you. For example, you might get the most release from just speaking your thoughts into a voice recorder (most cellphones have one). Alternatively, you may prefer offloading your thoughts onto paper. This doesn’t have to mean writing. It can also mean drawing or doodling.
This may be enough to clear the mental/emotional block from your system. If it doesn’t, however, remember to commit to addressing it later.
Make sure you’ve taken care of your body
If you want to achieve and maintain relaxed focus, then your body needs to support that. For example, you want to be comfortably full and properly hydrated. Be aware that even milder chemicals may disrupt either your relaxation or concentration. Alcohol and caffeine are obvious culprits here.
Be aware that medication (or withdrawal from medication) can also cause issues. If it does, try speaking to your doctor. They may be able to switch your medication or give advice on how to minimize the effects of withdrawal from it.
Another important point to note is that temperature can play a huge role in your ability to achieve and maintain relaxed focus. Ideally, you should control the ambient temperature to keep it pleasant. You may, however, find it useful to have a way to add extra heating/cooling where and when you need it.
Get the right stimulation
The right stimulation keeps you relaxed but helps you to maintain alertness. Most tasks require you to use your eyes and hands. That leaves your ears, nose, and mouth potentially free. Audio stimulation can be massively helpful. You do, however, need to be slightly careful with it.
Firstly, spoken-word audio, including songs, can overload your brain. When you need to focus, it’s often better to stick to music without lyrics or even just ambient sounds. Secondly, you need to think about your hearing. If you listen to the audio a lot, invest in a quality pair of headphones. Ideally, use ones that go over the ear.
Stimulating your sense of smell can have a very powerful effect on your mind. One useful point to note, however, is that the effect of a scent becomes less powerful over time. This isn’t just the scent fading, it’s the brain tuning it out. You can, however, use different scents to keep your brain engaged.
Last but not least, remember the power of taste. Some foods can also help to get your brain moving. Citrus fruits and mints are often particularly good for this.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt messages and prayers, I took each one to heart. I’m confident in my surgery so I wanted to send a tune that might set the mood for my Bucket List which I will think about as I’m going under. That is after my husband and my prayers.
Every one of us has mental health in the same way that every one of us has physical health. Yet despite the prevalence of mental health struggles, there is still so much stigma around them. Worldwide the leading cause of disability is depression, according to the World Health Organization, and in the US alone, nearly 1 in 5 of adults lives with a mental illness.
As a mental health therapist-in-training and the founder of Brown Girl Therapy, the largest mental health community for children of immigrants living in the West, I regularly get asked this question: “How can I support a loved one who is struggling with their mental health?” With the multiple crises we’re currently living through, it can feel like more and more people we know are currently hurting.
Maybe you’ve noticed that a friend’s behavior or demeanor has changed and you’re concerned, or a family member is opening up to you for the first time about their anxiety. I know it’s challenging to know what to say or do. Here are eight things that you can do and eight things you shouldnot do when you’re supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health.
First, the dos:
DO listen and validate
Be curious about what your friend is struggling with and how it’s impacting them. Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions to allow them to share their experience with you — questions like “What’s going on?” or “How long have you been experiencing this?” or “How are you coping?”
When they respond, use validating statements that will help them feel heard and accepted just as they are. Many people who struggle with their mental health may often blame or judge themselves about what they’re going through; some may feel that their struggles aren’t valid because they’re all “in their head.”
Even if you can’t completely understand or relate to their feelings or experiences, you want to communicate to your loved one that they’re perfectly OK — — this can be as simple as saying “That sounds really difficult”.
Support looks different for everyone, and what you may need when you’re struggling may not be what someone else needs.
DO ask what they need from you
Instead of making assumptions about what would be helpful to your loved one, ask them directly: “How can I support you?” or “What would be helpful to you right now?” Remember: Support looks different for everyone, and what you may need when you’re struggling may not be what someone else needs when they’re having a hard time.
DO offer to help with everyday tasks
A lot of people who struggle with their mental health may find it incredibly difficult to make basic decisions or perform even seemingly small chores. Instead of using the generic phrase “I’m here if you need me,” try to be specific about what you’re offering so your friend won’t have to bear the burden of reaching out or figuring out what they need in the first place.
If you visit them, take a look around and see what they could use assistance with — like doing the dishes, weeding, vacuuming or folding laundry. If you talk to them, offer to take them to a doctor’s appointment or do a grocery or drugstore run for them; you might also consider sending them a gift card for their meals.
DO celebrate their wins, including the small ones
When a person is struggling with their mental health, every day can be full of challenges. So cheer on their accomplishments and victories. This can help affirm their feelings of agency and efficacy. This could look like thanking them for being so honest and vulnerable with you or congratulating them for going to work or for taking their dog out for regular walks.
Many people who struggle with their mental health already feel a baseline level of guilt for being a drag on other people’s time, energy and mental space.
DO read up on what they’re struggling with
There’s another important burden you can remove from their plate: Having to teach you about mental illness. Instead, take the time to educate yourself on what they’re going through — for example, learning more about depression, panic attacks or anxiety — so you can understand their lived experience and be aware of severe or risky behaviors or symptoms to look out for.
Today, there are so many places online to find informative, helpful content, from peer-reviewed journals and articles by mental health professionals to posts in digital communities and personal essays by people who share in your loved one’s mental-health challenges.
DO check in with them regularly
Many people who struggle with their mental health already feel a baseline level of guilt for being a drag on other people’s time, energy and mental space. Consistently check in (a quick text is fine) with them, keep them company when you can, and remind your friend that you love them and you’re on their side.
DO recognize that not all mental health struggles look the same
Not all mental health challenges or mental illnesses look the same. Some people might struggle as the result of a specific event or circumstance, while other people may be living with a chronic mental illness. If the latter is true for your loved one, don’t expect them to “get over” it as they would with a flu or broken bone.
Meet them where they are, reminding them you understand it’s something they are living with. This can take different forms depending on what they need — this could mean understanding when they cancel plans on you because they’re having a particularly tough day or adapting your plans with them to reflect what they’re able to do.
It’s important we remove the stigma from taking care of our mental health and talk about it just like we’d talk about going to a physician for a physical illness.
DO normalize talking about mental health
Don’t wait for them to bring up their struggles, or shy away from being direct with them. It’s important we remove the stigma from taking care of our mental health and talk about it in the same way we’d talk about going to a physician or taking medication for a physical illness. You might even consider opening up and being vulnerable when talking about your own mental health so instead of feeling judged, your loved one feels safe being honest with you.
Now, the don’ts:
DON’T compare their experience to others
I really want to drive one point home: Everyone experiences their mental health struggles and mental health illnesses differently. In the guise of trying to make a loved one feel better, you may be tempted to tell them “everyone deals with anxiety [or depression etc] sometimes” or bring up an acquaintance who had the same illness but benefited from a specific strategy, treatment or therapy.
Resist this temptation. Even though saying those things can be helpful in terms of normalizing their experience and making them feel less alone, they can also have the unintended effect of pressuring them to get over it or minimize what they’re feeling.
Another thing to avoid — reminding them of what they have or should be grateful for. Toxic positivity and comparison to others can reinforce the narrative that your loved one’s problems aren’t important.
Avoid using stigmatizing words like “crazy” or “cuckoo”, or saying things like “that’s so OCD” or “take a Xanax”
DON’T use stigmatizing language
Be careful how you talk about mental health around your friend (and in general!). Avoid using stigmatizing words like “crazy” or “cuckoo”, or using clinical diagnoses or medications flippantly in conversation — like saying “that’s so OCD” when someone is very organized or telling someone to “take a Xanax” when you want them to calm down. Check your own assumptions surrounding mental health issues, professional mental health care and medication so you aren’t causing your loved one unnecessary pain.
DON’T take their behavior personally
People’s mental health struggles are often not linear or predictable. Maybe your friend is less talkative one day, and maybe your sister keeps rescheduling your phone dates. While you may feel hurt or offended by their actions, don’t automatically assume that they are reflections of how your loved one feels about you.
Instead, use their cues as moments to check in on them, ask what you can do to support them, and remind them that you’re here for them when and if they need.
You want to be with your loved one while they’re navigating their own struggles, not steering them or pushing them.
DON’T be confrontational or try to control the situation
When you’re faced with a loved one in pain or distress, it can be really difficult not to get in the metaphorical driver’s seat and forcefully do what you think will relieve their suffering. But in doing this, you’re diminishing their sense of agency. You want to be with your loved one while they’re navigating their own struggles, not steering them or pushing them. So don’t be aggressive about what they should or shouldn’t do, and don’t give them ultimatums.
DON’T get discouraged
You may feel helpless when you’re helping and supporting a loved one who is struggling, and you don’t see them making progress. Just because you feel helpless doesn’t mean you can’t be helpful. Your loved one does not expect you to find them the magic solution or to be perfect; instead, they just need you to be present.
DON’T burn yourself out trying to support your loved one
The better you take care of yourself, the better you can be of support to your loved one. Make sure to keep taking care of yourself, doing the things you love and recharging your own batteries while being there for your loved one. Be clear and direct about your boundaries, and find ways to honor what you need to do in order to be able to show up for them.
People who are struggling with their mental health are not broken, and they do not need to be fixed.
DON’T try to fix them
People who are struggling with their mental health are not broken, and they do not need to be fixed. By jumping in with solutions and advice when they don’t explicitly ask for it, you’re sending them the message that what they’re going through is wrong or bad when in fact you are projecting your own discomfort with what they’re going through. Realize that your impulse to dive into a fix-it mode can actually be a coping mechanism to ease and absolve your own discomfort or anxiety. Which brings me to my next point …
DON’T avoid the feelings that come up for you
When we see our loved ones grappling with something difficult, chronic or hard to comprehend, it can often bring up our own difficult feelings and our own discomfort or anxiety. When this happens, it’s important not to shove that stuff under the rug. Spend time reflecting on what’s coming up for you.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself: Are you anxious because you’re scared of what’s going to happen to your loved one? Are you avoiding them because you feel helpless? Are you carrying around your own biases or stigmas around mental illness? Are you on edge because you’re resentful, burned out or just plain confused?
It’s important to get clarity on what’s coming up for you and why, so you can take care of yourself and still be there for your friend. Don’t be ashamed if you find that you could use some support or professional care. One great US-based resource is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which hosts free support groups for people who love someone that’s struggling with their mental health.
Watch Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s TED Conversation now:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the founder of Brown Girl Therapy, the first and largest mental health and wellness community of its kind for children of immigrants living in the West, where she works to promote bicultural identity and destigmatize therapy. She is also currently pursuing her master’s in clinical mental health counseling. Kohli’s passion lies at the intersection of narrative storytelling and mental health advocacy. A former journalist, she is currently working on a book to be published by Penguin Life.
The time is finally here, I’m having my left knee replaced tomorrow. FUN,FUN! I’ll only be in the hospital for 2-3 days and then back home with a Home Health Nurse checking on me for two weeks. Luckily I’ve been down this road, having already had my right knee replaced in 2017. I know the long road ahead.
I had to go to the hospital today for a Covid Test, that was so easy. I’m already vaccinated so if it comes back positive I will be among the small percent of people who get it. I’m confident everything is fine and the surgery will go as planned. My Orthopedic doctor is the greatest!
Once back home I’ll check in. I won’t do my normal weekly post this week and we’ll see about next week. I will be reading comments and post once I get home.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
Boundaries are a process. There’s no magic pill that ensures a perfect execution — but the tools and scripts that follow will help you create a foundation to build on.
As you try them out, keep the words that work for you, practice them and open your mind to the vast options for responding mindfully, constructively and truthfully. The more integrated the words become, the less you’ll have to think. Truth will come out of your mouth with ease (and maybe even speed). Eventually you’ll find that sweet spot of healthy assertiveness — not too passive and not too aggressive.
Especially in the beginning, give yourself permission to set boundaries messily, badly or while sweating profusely. What matters most is that you do it.
Script #1: What to say when someone asks you something you’re just not sure about
As you start to flex your boundary muscles, pause to take stock of what you truly desire, especially if you’re prone to auto-accommodating and over-functioning. It can often be helpful to buy yourself more time to assess the situation and figure out specifically what you want.
Here are a few ways to do that:
● “I need a minute to regroup. Can we pick this up in a half hour?” ● “Can we chat about this later today, after I’ve had more time to think about it?” Once you’ve reflected, you can serve up a clear, charge-free “no”, depending on the context. ● To a friend who wants you to go to a dinner that sounds shoot-me-now painful: “I’m going to say no to dinner, but I’d love to catch up another time.” ● To the colleague who wants you to help with a project that’s beyond the scope of your specialty, interest or duty: “I can’t, unfortunately. But once I finish up my current deadline, I’ll circle back to see if there’s a way I can support you.”
You don’t owe anyone your personal information, especially not to satisfy their curiosity.
Script #2: What to say to deflect nosy questions
Often, my clients and students believe that they owe other people explanations and answers about anything and everything. In reality, you’re under no obligation to respond to nosy questions, even if they’re not overtly offensive. You don’t owe anyone your personal information, especially not to satisfy their curiosity.
Here are a few ways to sidestep nosy questions:
● To someone who asks how much money you make: “Trust me, not even close to what I’m worth.” ● To someone who asks about your love life: “I’d rather not discuss it right now. When I have news to share, I’ll let you know.” ● To a colleague who asks what you plan to do with your day off: “That’s why they call it a personal day!” or “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
If the person persists, repeat your stock answer. Depending on the relationship and level of aggression, you can add, “And that’s all I have to say.”
Script #3: What to say when someone is giving you unsolicited advice
If you want to share news or a personal dilemma with a friend, relative or colleague who is often quick to give you their opinion, you can set them up for success by starting with a qualifier, such as:
● “I have a situation I want to share with you. Can you just listen with compassion, please?” ● “I want to share what is going on for me and I ask that you simply listen without offering advice or criticism. I’d really appreciate that.”
If you forget to use one of those qualifiers or worry that they’re too confrontational, you can still halt their auto-advice — ‘cause you know it’s coming — with:
● “At the moment, I’m not looking for feedback. I would love it if you could just lend a compassionate ear.”
And in relationships — especially long-standing ones where the other party has a well-established fixer role — you might want to offer more context about what you’re striving for:
● “I love that you are always game to help me out. What I’d appreciate right now is for you to listen and have faith I’ll come to the answer on my own.”
Do not allow anyone to use their so-called “truth” as a stick to beat you with. Your truth is the one that matters most.
Script #4: What to say when someone is judgmental or critical of you
Veiled criticism can be worded in a way that sounds helpful or caring, but if your body wisdom starts to pipe up, you know that their judgment is crossing a line. When a friend, family member or coworker makes a rude comment and then says, “I’m just being honest,” you may feel inclined to accept their words, even though they make you feel bad.
I say: Don’t.
Someone who gives you genuinely constructive criticism is actually rooting for you — they care about you, and they’re initiating a hard conversation to clue you in to something important. If you respect this person and know them to be genuine, you will likely be open to their feedback.
But comments about how you wore the wrong dress or how bad your hair looks? Not constructive. The next time someone tells you how unflattering your jeans are or reminds you of a less-than-stellar track record in love, you can say:
● “I don’t recall asking you.” ● “What you call ‘honesty’, I call you ‘giving me your unsolicited opinion and criticism’. Please don’t.”
If you are in a relationship with someone who hides behind the “just being honest” shield, don’t put yourself in the line of fire. For example, if your super-negative friend says, “You got your hair cut,” do not open the door for her to give you an insult by asking her, “Do you like it?” You can simply reply, “Yes, I did.”
Do not allow anyone to use their so-called “truth” as a stick to beat you with. When it comes to your life, your truth is the one that matters most.
Script #5: What to say when a line has been crossed
The number-one challenge I see with my clients and students is uncertainty about how to tell someone that they’ve crossed a line. Often, if you can open up a conversation, the rest will flow. Quickly alerting the other person to your feelings, concerns, or objections can stop an easily corrected misstep or misunderstanding from turning into something more.
Here are some basic conversation starters that will help you get the ball rolling:
● “I thought you should know . . .” ● “I wanted to bring something to your attention. The other day, I felt uncomfortable when . . .” ● “I need to share my experience of what went down, because I’d like you to understand how I feel and where I am coming from . . .” ● “I want you to be aware of my feelings about what happened . . .”
One of my go-to formulas that I have been using and teaching for many years, for expressing when a boundary has been violated, is a four-part nonviolent communication process. It was originated by Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD in his seminal book by the same name.
Here’s a quick summary:
“When I see/experience ______________, I feel ______________ because my need for ______________ is not met. Would you be willing to ______________?”
This process is effective because you’re not calling names or making judgments. You are helping the other party understand how you feel and communicating the specific action that will alleviate your upset. As with all of these scripts or suggestions, you can use this framework and make it your own.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, a global empowerment and relationship expert, and the author of the book, Boundary Boss: The Essential Gide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free.
NewFrame is an online program/course with hours of evidence-based education and skills to help you overcome your chronic pain and take control of your life.
Launching on July 1, 2021 they are having a pre-launch special.
Here’s what you’ll get:
Months of evidence-based materials from experts in the pain medicine field
Hours of videos, articles, and interactive material to help you take control of your pain at your own pace
Program launches July 1st 2021
Only 50 spots available for pre-order
Get in early for $50.00 (75% off)
*Price will increase to $200 AFTER launch*
About NewFrame
As a team of physical therapists, we founded NewFrame to help those suffering from chronic pain. We recognized the day-to-day struggle that comes with living with chronic pain in many of our patients.
We’ve seen that if you’re struggling with chronic pain, you’ve likely…
-Been doubted or dismissed by a doctor
-Felt like no one else understands the impact your pain has on your life
-Had to give up doing activities you love
-Spent countless hours searching for helpful things you can do yourself to help your pain
Seeing these frustrations come up time and time again, we set our sights on creating a program to help.
Our mission became to construct a helpful resource to change the lives of those living in chronic pain. Applying our own healthcare knowledge and experience was not enough, though. We’re determined to create a program with input and perspective from those actually living with pain.
And so, together with the chronic pain community, we created NewFrame.
NewFrame is an online program/course with hours of evidence-based education and skills to help you overcome your chronic pain and take control of your life.
Please check out their website to see how they can help you manage your chronic illness.
I was kindly gifted Time To Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection from Maddie Dunne-Kirby at Wellbeck Publishing Group for an honest review. Thank you, Maddie.
Released in April 2021, Time To Talk is available on Amazon
Blurb
We live in a super-connected world, yet men specifically, struggle to connect and share. This is changing… but not quickly enough. Award-winning podcaster Alex Holmes sets out to accelerate this shift, debunking lingering myths around masculinity, love and connection by exploring what causes this sense of loneliness.
Starting with ‘Real Man Myths’ and features designed to encourage us to open up and share, Alex motivates us to move from:
Ignoring to Acknowledging.
Being Closed to Opening Up.
Can’t to Can.
Avoiding to Embracing.
Expecting to Accepting.
Sharing his experiences on his podcast and as a young British black man, Time to Talk is a love letter to all the men who have lost their way and to the women that love them.
About the Author
Alex Holmes is an award-winning podcaster and writer from London. He has been hosting and producing podcasts since 2016 including What Matters with Alex Reads, now named Time to Talk, and Mostly Lit, which was named by the Guardian and the BBC as one of the top podcasts of 2017 and won the Best British Podcast award at the 2018 British Book Awards. He now hosts the Time to Talk podcast, which focuses on mental health.
My Thoughts
We can be talking heads at times, just show up, chat and not get down to the meat of the subject. While this type of conversation is essential to everyday life, to live an authentic life you have to be open with your emotions. By taking the conversation down to the next level, past the surface, you can learn more about others and yourself.
Men are often raised being told to not cry, or show emotion, don’t get depressed, basically, men have been told to suck it up and this had caused a major mental health crisis as they walk into the world with these unrealistic and unhealthy goals.
Alex was traveling down the path of life when two major events rocked his emotional state. One was the suicide of an acquaintance and the second the London Riots of 2011. Emotions flooded and many emotions turned to anger and anger started to flow over. Alex knew it was time for a major change in his life. A change in how he looked at his life and how he fits in it
These events sent Alex down the road of self-discovery, he sought out well-known writers, religious thinkers, psychologists,s and many other diverse types of thinkers to uncover who he really was.
Alex sets out to debunk the myth’s that most men are raised by. Today Alex has an award-winning podcast, Time To Talk where he tackles everyday topics with his guest in a safe environment to be open with themselves on what may be holding them back in life.
Time to Talk by Alex Holmes is a great read, one I would recommend to anyone on a self-journey or just interested in where the road may take you.
Welbeck Publishing Group
Welbeck Publishing Group is an exciting, fast-growing independent publisher based in London, dedicated to publishing only the very best and most commercial books spanning a number of genres and categories, from leading authors and well-known brands to debut talent. We live for books that entertain, excite and enhance the lives of readers around the world.
From building our boutique fiction and narrative non-fiction lists to shaping our world-renowned illustrated reference, gift and children’s titles, our aim is to be a market-leader in every category in which we publish. Our books and products come to life for adults, children, and families in 30 languages in more than 60 countries around the world, selling through a variety of traditional and non-traditional channels. We are constantly looking for new ways to deliver our exceptional content and new ideas to inspire readers and listeners everywhere.
I’m so glad you are enjoying the book reviews. I’ve had the great pleasure to hear from three authors with great feedback on my reviews. I take that my skills are improving. Have a stack of six more books to read so stay posted for all genres of book reviews.
Do yourself a favor and go buy Time To Talk by Alex Holmes and break down your barriers in your life.
I am having knee replacement surgery on Tuesday and will take a break from regular blogging until I’m in less pain. I’ll be back soon. I’m reading your comments so keep them coming! We both learn something every week.
Fact: Baseball umpires used to sit in rocking chairs
People have been playing baseball since the mid 19th century. In the early games, umpires would officiate the games reclining in a rocking chair that was located 20 feet behind home plate. By 1878, the National League also declared that home teams must pay umpires $5 per game.
Fact: The first commercial passenger flight lasted only 23 minutes
These fun facts really get you thinking about how far we’ve come. Taking a 23-minute flight might seem like a waste of money today, but in 1914 Abram Pheil paid $400, which would be $8,500 today, for a 23-minute long plane ride. He flew between St. Petersburg, Florida and Tampa, Florida, where only 21 miles of water separate the cities. Pheil, a former mayor of St. Petersburg, and the pilot, Tony Jannus, were the only passengers. This momentous flight paved the way for air travel as we know it.
Fact: The world’s first novel ends mid-sentence
The Tale of Genji, written by Murasaki Shikibu in the 11th century, is considered the world’s first novel. After reading 54 intricately crafted chapters, the reader is stopped abruptly mid-sentence. One translator believes the work is complete as is, but another says we’re missing a few more pages of the story.
Fact: The French-language Scrabble World Champion doesn’t speak French
New Zealand native Nigel Richards memorized the entire French Scrabble dictionary, which has 386,000 words, in nine weeks to earn his title. He has also won the English world Scrabble Championship three times, the U.S. national championships five times, and the U.K. Open Scrabble tournament six times. This comes 20 years after first playing Scrabble when Richards was 28 years old.
Fact: A woman called the police when her ice cream didn’t have enough sprinkles
The West Midlands police in England released a recording of a woman who called 999 (the U.K. version of 911) because there were “bits on one side and none on the other,” she says in the recording. She was even more upset when the ice cream truck man did not want to give her money back.
Fact: Uncle Ben’s rice was airdropped to World War II troops
German chemist Erich Huzenlaub invented a process of parboiling rice to keep more nutrients in the rice and lessen the cooking time. The “Huzenlaub Process” had another unexpected benefit, too: It stopped bug infestations. The quick-cook, bug-free rice was a big advantage during World War II, and Converted rice (as it was then known) was airdropped to American and British troops. After the war, the company rebranded to Uncle Ben’s Original Converted Brand Rice, named after one of the company’s best rice suppliers, and the product hit the shelves in 1947.
Fact: The British Empire was the largest empire in world history
According to the World Atlas, an empire “is a group of nations or people that are under the rule of a powerful government or an emperor of a territory usually larger than a kingdom.” The British Empire was most powerful in the 1920s when it ruled over 23 percent of the world’s population. That equates to about 13 million square miles.
Fact: South American river turtles talk in their eggs
Turtles don’t have vocal cords and their ears are internal, so scientists believed that turtles were deaf and didn’t communicate through sounds. However, research has found that turtles actually communicate at an extremely low frequency that sounds like “clicks, clucks, and hoots” that can only be heard through a hydrophone (a microphone used underwater). These sounds even come from the egg before the turtle hatches. Researchers hypothesize that this helps all the turtle siblings hatch at once.
Fact: Penicillin was first called “mold juice”
Alexander Fleming was one of those quirky scientists who accidentally made a scientific breakthrough. In 1928, the bacteriologist left a petri dish in his lab while he was on vacation only to return and find that some liquid around the mold had killed the bacteria in the dish. This became the world’s first antibiotic. But before naming it penicillin, he called it “mold juice.”
Fact: The first stroller was pulled by a goat
This is one of the many interesting facts that had us scratching our head. Or a dog or a miniature horse, but not by parents. William Kent, a landscape architect, invented the first stroller for the third Duke of Devonshire in 1733. By the mid 18th century, strollers were still pretty unstable, but they had handles so parents, not animals, could pull the baby behind them.
So glad you are enjoying these post, I love hearing your hilarious comments.
Did you know National Donut Day was started to pay tribute to Salvation Army Workers who served donuts to the military during WWI. That was news to me.
National Doughnut Day, or National Donut Day — celebrated in the United States and in some other countries, is on the first Friday of June of each year, succeeding the Doughnut event created by The Salvation Army in Chicago in 1938 to honor those of their members who served doughnuts to soldiers during World War I. The holiday celebrates the doughnut. Many American doughnut stores offer free doughnuts on National Doughnut Day.
Image by 
lookingforthelight.blog 