Looking for the Light is a Health and Lifestyle Blog covering topics such as Photography, Cooking, DIY Projects, Fitness, Men's and Women's Health, Lyme Disease, Mental Health, and having fun along the way.
Please stop by, pull up a chair, and read through my archives.
Melinda
Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight a new blogger, That Scared Little Girl.
This site is the heart cry of a girl who longs to be seen and heard. In the spirit of finding healing and wholeness, she aches for her stories to be heard. Oh how she wishes someone had seen her as a girl.
This is the site where her stories will be told. A safe place. A tell-all of sorts. Things you don’t read in your informational or self-help books. The stories that make you uncomfortable.
If your marriage has broken down and you have children together, it can be a complex situation to navigate; still, it is not impossible, and there are some skillful ways to make the process easier and more pleasant for everyone. Read on to find out how to avoid arguing with your ex-partner, how to hire a quality divorce lawyer, and how to manage your emotions on the way.
Learn to avoid talking about the past and triggering past trauma that you both have
Understand when to argue your case and stand your ground and when to walk away
Work closely with your children to help them manage their emotions and move on
Learning how to understand your ex-partner can help to resolve any difficult emotions
It’s helpful to maintain a healthy emotional and physical distance from your partner
Don’t talk about the past
You and your ex-partner have a lot of history; chances are you have spent many years together before the divorce, and you know your personalities, reactions, and thought processes pretty well. But when it comes to divorce, it’s a good idea to let go of the past and treat the new arrangements independently. Learn to respect your ex-partner’s decisions and life choices.
Because you understand a lot about your ex-partner, you can predict their behavior, lifestyle choices, and decision-making, especially when it comes to the children. At the same time, they will understand your patterns and weak points. There is a tendency to bring up the past and use it as leverage, but it is not a healthy dynamic. Avoid these issues with quality divorce lawyers.
Know when to argue
Arguments are unavoidable, even after divorce. When you have children involved in a family breakup, there is a lot to organize on a daily basis, even when you are not on the best of terms. Of course, this can lead to arguments and fallout that only serve to make the situation harder.
Some battles are worth fighting, while others are worth avoiding; over time, you will learn to recognize the difference between them and when to stand your ground. If you find yourself reacting or overreacting, don’t beat yourself up; instead, forgive yourself and learn for next time.
Learn to stand your ground
It’s important to stand your ground on some issues. If you have made an arrangement with your ex-partner about looking after the kids or attending an event and they let you down, you don’t want it to happen again. In this case, you are within your rights to stand your ground and insist that you resolve a pattern of behavior that could become an issue in your future life situation.
If the issue is a one-off and unlikely to happen repeatedly, there’s no point in starting a fight or falling out over it; you can simply let it go. There are good and bad ways to stand your ground; what you don’t want to do is to become reactive and defensive; instead, imagine you have a strong back and a soft front – a bit like a turtle -, and you can stand your ground successfully.
Talk with your children
The innocent party in any divorce is the children, who have their own lives and emotions to manage and navigate; the difficulty is that children don’t have the same experience and resources to manage emotions that adults do. Make sure your children have lots of support.
Talk to your children about the situation and make sure they know that it has nothing to do with them and they are still loved by both parents. Give them plenty of opportunities to ask questions and consider offering them some outside support so that they can talk openly to a third party.
Avoid the legal entanglements
When it comes to a family breakup with children, legal entanglements are highly likely, chances are there will be a custody battle of some kind involved, and you will all have to go to court.
Instead of hiring an expensive lawyer and going to court, which will cost money and time, you could talk to your partner amicably and come to some arrangement that will keep everyone happy. Chances are there will be some debates and fallouts, but remember, the welfare of the children is the most important aspect of any child custody arrangement in or out of a courtroom.
Practice forgiving your ex
You and your partner have decided to divorce, and even if there is a clear-cut reason for this, it’s never totally one party’s fault. Chances are there are failures and grievances on both sides, so there is plenty of room for understanding and forgiveness. Forgiving someone is often possible.
Forgiving someone is the step you need to make to move on with your life and resolve a lot of the bitterness and suffering that has accumulated over the years. Remember, forgiving someone that has hurt you is a way to bring more peace, joy, and love into your new lifestyle.
Try to understand your ex
Forgiving your ex-partner might seem difficult, but it is much easier when you know how to understand them and other people in general. We spend so much of our lives inhabiting our personal world that it can be hard to see things from someone else’s point of view; this is why clashes and disagreements happen on such a regular basis between family and friends.
Attending court can be difficult and stressful for everyone, and it can be expensive for parents; if possible, find a way to avoid these legal entanglements and come to an arrangement outside.
Understanding is the pathway to compassion and a more harmonious way of life; it’s the best way to overcome the hardships of a relationship breakup and move on with your life, allowing your ex-partner to move on with theirs. When it’s an ex-partner, there is an even better opportunity to understand their point of view because you know them and their needs.
Try not to get defensive
If your ex-partner is talking to you or pushes your buttons, your natural reaction might be defensiveness leading to an argument of a fallout. When you feel like you are becoming defensive, it’s time to recognize that and step back. A feeling of defensiveness will lead to a better understanding of yourself and your triggers, which can be useful for self-improvement.
Maintain a healthy distance
If you have some children to think about, it can be tempting to live close to your ex-partner for logistics and convenience, but this is a double-edged sword because it makes it more difficult for you both to move on with your lives. If you have responsibilities and arrangements, find a way to maintain a healthy distance from your ex-partner by living in a nearby town and traveling more.
Learn to manage jealousy
Jealousy is inevitable following a family breakup; there might be some jealousy around who the children gravitate towards, and there could also be jealousy around how your ex-partner is moving on with their life. Either way, jealousy is simply an emotion that can be managed and transformed into something more positive using skillful attention and attitudes of mindfulness.
Focus on Financial Planning
When you are navigating a marriage breakup, you know that your financial situation is about to change. While certainly, a divorce can put a strain on your personal finances, it is important to act with a clear mind and set clear financial goals that will protect the entire family during rainy days.
For example, you may start an emergency or college fund, and use reliable PHP Agency reviews to understand whether a life insurance policy is something you should consider. If you are unsure, working with a financial advisor can help you make the best decisions for your situation.
Final Thoughts
A family breakup is never easy, but there are good and bad ways of working with the processes to ensure the situation is resolved in a helpful and progressive way. Using the advice in the article, you can ensure that your family remains amicable and happy in the short and long term.
I start out the New Year with high expectations tempered with grace. My Chronic Illnesses may slow me down some days but I won’t let them break me. This is where grace comes in, if I’m not able to work towards my goals today, I have tomorrow. It’s important to give others grace too.
Many of you know already that I don’t believe in Resolutions, they are dreams and dreams don’t come true. Instead of Resolutions make goals along with a plan on what you need to get them completed. Resolutions are like believing in the Easter Bunny.
If you want to move your life forward, you need goals and beyond goals is the meat of how are you going to get things done. I work to keep the number of goals to 10-15. This is a workable number to throw yourself into to make your life better.
I’m so glad you stopped by today and look forward to seeing you throughout 2023.
Before we start celebrating, let’s talk about drinking and driving. Plan your drive home if you like to drink a few extra. It’s a terrible thought of hurting yourself or others, let alone kill someone. It’s a mistake that could haunt you for the rest of your life.
Let’s celebrate!!!!!!! 2023 has arrived for some and others are waiting to see what the New Year brings. The start of a new year is a great time to reflect on the past and reset your compass for success in the new year.
I will be enjoying a very low-key evening with some good eats and tucked in to sleep long before midnight.
I’m so glad you dropped by today, thank you. I hope you have a great weekend.
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
I’m so glad Sheryl at A Chronic Voice is doing the December prompts, she has struggled with major health complications. Be sure to pop over to her site for a wealth of information. Glad you are feeling better.
What The 2022 Writing Prompts are About & How to Participate
The linkups are a monthly get together for anyone with a chronic illness, mental disorder or disability. An opportunity to share, to listen, and to learn from one another through shared writing prompts. I also think it’s a great way to provide insight into life with chronic pain, from many different points of view.
All you have to do is write using at least three of the writing prompts listed below, and publish it on your blog, or to a free writing platform like Medium. Then click on the blue ‘Add Link’ button to add your blog post to this page. Voilà, you’re now part of the linkup party!
The above graphic shows all the writing prompts. I am writing Reminding, Embracing, and Closing.
Reminding
I keep reminding myself that Chronic Illnesses are just that, in your face every day. Right now I’m struggling with depression, medication side effects, and Fibromyalgia. Early this month I had a Tsunami Flair that is just letting up. I’ve spent so many hours in bed, working on not feeling guilty. I’ve been sick since we married but in the earlier years, I only had one chronic illness which made managing my life far easier.
Embracing
2023 felt so far away until a month ago, then the Christmas sales commercials overwhelmed me. Since I stopped drinking 15 years ago we haven’t gone out on New Year’s. That’s ok, I spent too many years drunk at boring parties. The Holidays are very low-key for us, both families are far away. I start working on my goals for the year on New Year’s day and keep the list to 10-15 items. With my health, I don’t want to set myself up for failure.
Closing
I’m closing out the year 2022, looking at what I learned, what I got right, and where I go from here. I don’t believe in Wish List, a wish is a dream and a dream isn’t going to make anything happen. I keep a goal list, that way I keep focused on what is important and can change it at any time. One goal is to spend time outside learning the camera on my new phone.
Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight a new blogger, Psychologistmimi.
FOOD, ROAD TRIPS & NOTES FROM THE NON-PROFIT UNDERGROUND
I am a New Yorker, who has lived throughout the United States and abroad, but my New Yorker wit (AKA snark; bite) and sensibilities always stay with me.
I appreciate the blogging world’s community circle and strive to answer every comment and like; as well as visiting the blog of every follower.
All the world is my television and life is a highway and I like to provide commentary on it. Cheers
Growing up I couldn’t wait to arrive at my Grandparent’s house for Christmas. My Granny would go over the top with food and sweets. We opened our presents on Christmas Day. They usually bought lots of clothes. I still have all of their ornaments, they are frail, and I don’t use them but I have them to look at and bring back old memories.
Today we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of God. Please take a minute to think of the reason for the season.
Around 12 years old
Have a blessed Christmas, I hope you have family and friends to celebrate with and enjoy a good meal by starting with thanks to God for sending his only son who died for our sins..
I’m so glad you dropped by today, thank you. I hope you have a great weekend.
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
Are you looking for a new apartment? Searching for a new place to call home? If so, then you’ll probably know that this is hardly an easy task! Finding a new home can be challenging because there are lots of different considerations to keep in mind. The location of the home, the size, the local amenities, and even the community around it can often influence our decisions. Because of these considerations, choosing a new home is generally quite challenging and can take a surprisingly long time.
But it doesn’t have to be so difficult!
We’ve put together a short list of things that you should always consider before picking a new apartment to live in. These are short, to-the-point considerations that will have a fairly drastic effect on how much you enjoy your new place, so make sure not to overlook any of them!
There are usually two extremes; you want to be away from the city, or you want to be in the heart of the city. Being away from the city usually means that the area around your apartment is quieter, you have a bit more space, and you generally pay less. On the contrary, choosing a center city apartment usually means higher costs and less space, but you’re in the middle of the city which is fantastic for work-related purposes, nightlife, and so on. It’s important to pick carefully as the two can lead to drastically different lifestyles.
What kind of local services and stores do you need?
Are you someone that buys a lot of stuff from Amazon? Do you enjoy having lots of grocery shopping choices? Or are you a fan of ordering food and would love to be in the middle of the city with lots of unique food choices? Whatever your lifestyle preferences are, you need to consider what’s around you when changing homes. In general, being away from the city center means you probably have fewer choices for shops, groceries, and food. Getting closer to the city opens up more choices, but you might not be interested in having smaller stores near you. Instead, you might actually prefer driving to large malls and supermarkets on the outskirts of the city as opposed to being surrounded by various smaller stores.
Do you have enough space for what you want to do?
Space is always a huge concern when moving to a new apartment and it should be one of the biggest priorities. This is because an apartment can’t really be expanded like a house. You can’t build onto the house and you don’t have a garden for extra space. As a result, you should consider what you need your apartments for, such as hobbies or family members that might require extra rooms. This will obviously increase the rent but ensures that you get plenty of space for all of your current and future needs, thus avoiding the need to move again in the future.
When I heard the sad news that Stephen Laurel Boss “tWitch” died by suicide it didn’t seem real. The guy with the biggest smile, always helping others, a loving father of two children, and a large network of friends. Stephen had several projects lined up for 2023. He is not the picture of what you think a suicidal person looks like.
If you want to see what suicide looks like, look at the person next to you. There is no way to know what a person is going thru. We all have mental health needs throughout our life, if we don’t have crises large and small we aren’t living.
There is a line between needing temporary mental help support ( Situational Depression) and having a Mental Illness. An example of Situational Depression could be losing you’re job, a bad break-up and let’s not forget those who’ve lost a love one.
A Mental Illness is an imbalance of the brain, and we still have so much to learn about the brain. I have found Mental Illness make sure you have a good support system with friends, family, Psychiatrist, and Therapist. I believe the right Psychiatrist and Therapist can change your life, I’ve been with my Psychiatrist and Therapist for 30 years, and they are lifesavers. Good medication management is essential, being non-compliant with your medication, can throw you unbalanced.
If you run into me, You would see I am happy to see you, I would chat it up at dinner, life is only going up. Finances are good, and thinking about my husband’s retirement. All good.
When our paths cross again, you will see the same happy person. Only this time I’m having a crisis but you can’t see it.
If I were dealing with a severe dark depression, my mind would be ruminating on all the issues repeatedly amplifying the anxiety. The more you think about something you convince yourself that the problems can’t be solved, and there’s no light in the tunnel, the worse your crisis will become. This is when I tell my husband it’s time to call my doctor or meet him at Psychiatric Hospital.
I could see you a third time, be that face you saw at lunch, everything looks fine, not giving you any indication of a problem, and then kill myself an hour later. You never know and you’re not guilty.
Show kindness to others, and remember no matter what the package looks like doesn’t mean that is what’s inside. If someone looks off their game, have a chat about what’s going on and what you’ve noticed. Try to keep it casual, maybe open up with something generic. Then gently say what you’ve noticed changes in their personality and how can you help. Say how can I help, not what can I do to help. If they put you off, keep an eye on them and keep trying to help. If think they are a danger to themselves, harm to others, or suicidal. Be more aggressive and get them to the hospital if nothing else.
I will be brutally honest, if someone is determined to commit suicide, they will. Hopefully, with encouragement, from friends or family members you can get help before they hit “there’s nowhere to go”.
Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight a new blogger, Invisible Pain.
LIVING WITH CHRONIC HEADACHE AND OTHER PAIN FOR WAY TOO LONG
In 1997 I survived an horrific car accident. In “The beginning” you can read more details about that. Ever since that day I’ve been in chronic pain. The most debilitating pain I have is a 24/7 headache. I haven’t experienced a minute awake without pain in my head since 1997. I have several other body parts that ache constantly as well, and the most frustrating part, is the fact that I can’t find relief. The doctors and specialists are at loss. I’m just dealing with it all without medication, or any other forms of pain relief. I’m still trying to find a doctor who’s willing to figure out this mystery that I am. In this blog I write random thoughts, experiences, and complaints. Feel free to comment and share your story with me if you please. You can also e-mail me directly at invisiblepainblog@gmail.com Thank you for reading! Sincerely,
Vanessa
Her site is the best of both worlds, great writing and photography.
I was contacted by Jesse Jan Driessen at Bearable App to see if I would share their information with you. The App is highly recommended and has great tools, I wanted to make sure an introduction was made.
Everything in one App
No more need to juggle multiple apps.
Keep track of your Mood, Symptoms, Daily Activities, and other health factors such as Sleep, Medication, Exercise, and Food Diary. You can even automatically sync your steps, heart rate, blood pressure, weight, and more.
Simple & Customisable
Health tracking made easy.
Record your mood, symptoms, and your health factors in seconds, without even typing a word.
High levels of customizability to make the app truly unique to you.
Backed by scientific review
Reviewed by clinicians at Cedar Sinai as one of the best mobile health applications to track patient outcomes.
3000+ 5-star reviews
Community-driven
We always involve our active community in deciding which features get implemented next.
It’s an impressive list of companies that have recommended the Bearable App. Please check out the site for more detailed information on how much you can manage with one App.
I’m so glad you dropped by today, thank you. I hope you have a great weekend.
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
I was reminded today that I had Lyme and thought I would share with you the first post I wrote in 2014.
It’s been a long time since this first Lyme blog, I found it interesting and naive. I hope you enjoy reading. If you’re at the beginning of your Lyme journey. I’m always here for you. M
Scheduling probiotics, medicine, and supplements is a challenge. With probiotics, you have to wait before eating or taking meds, then juggle what goes on an empty stomach with food. Can’t forget the shot to the stomach three days a week. Adjusting the new meds has not been fun, I’ve been stoned out of my mind the bulk of the day, then a massive headache moves in, and then time to get stoned again before bed with the headache.
My gripe is it’s not being stoned, it’s brain fog with the floor moving under your feet. David has to take me to appointments since I can’t drive. I’m a sight to see, a woman, stoned out of her mind trying to maneuver a cane while walking.
I had my first appointment with a new Cardiologist yesterday, he has Lyme Disease experience with a specialty in blood flow. He is one of three doctors who will manage my Lyme journey. The RN performed an EKG, and then his Assistant reviewed my medical history, asking what seemed like 1000 questions.
The doctor is next, we talk about how Lyme can affect blood flow in the heart and the entire body. The general exam with discussion on the test he has ordered. I left wearing a Holter Monitor which comes off at 2:45 PM today. I push a button on a small device and put it up to my chest anytime I feel dizzy, have cardiac pain, trouble breathing, etc, etc.
I leave with the schedule of tests for next week which takes 3 1/2 hours when to pick up medicine for tests and the great news is to show up fasting. A couple of tests I’ve done it multiple times due to my heart condition. The Tilt Test is what it sounds like, the table moves to a head-down position for 30 minutes. The test is more frightening than giving me a shot. They may see a panic attack instead, that’s a lot of time without control and no way to escape.
Echo Cardiogram
Q Sweat Test-Study of Sudomotor response assisting in the diagnosis of small fiber neuropathy
Tilt Table with Trans Cranial Doppler monitors mean blood flow velocity
Tilt Table with ANSAR-Determines how well the Autonomic Nervous System is functioning
Tilt Table with BIOZ-Determines the heart’s ability to deliver blood to the body
Tilt Table with QST-Assesses sensory neuropathy
Metabolic Stress Test
Lipid Profile
I have blood work from last week to complete, 20 plus vials get me as excited until she says the stool sample requires freezing! I’m now 1 hour 45 minutes before the monitor comes off. The time for a shot and a handful of pills. Are we having fun yet?
My heart and soul go out to those struggling with Lyme, it’s a long complicated journey. I know you’re strong enough to fight the virus in your body, though it may not feel like it today.
Looking for the Light 