Celebrate Life · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

The Empowering Force Of Feeling Pretty

Feeling pretty is a subjective topic, but that doesn’t make it immaterial. What good does it do to me to like what I see in the mirror? 

The answer is Everything. It is tremendously important to enjoy your own image. Feeling pretty or attractive, whether you are a man or a woman, is a major stepping stone in your mental health journey. It’s about acknowledging yourself as an individual and recognizing your strengths and qualities. It is an act of self-love, and it often marks the beginning of a self-care journey. Therefore, we can’t afford to ignore those feelings. On the contrary, they are crucial to building your self-esteem up, protecting yourself, and embracing self-worth. It’s all about looking at the person in the mirror and believing that someone else could like them too. So, of course, you want to cultivate the art of being pretty/attractive/handsome, regardless of your gender. 

Unsplash – CC0 License 

Tweak your style

We tend to get so used to our image that we stop seeing it. Feeling pretty could be as simple as trying out something new. If you wear your hair in a certain way, for instance, you could experiment

with new hairstyles. Women with mid-length to long hair have a lot of options to be playful with their style. A scarf updo can be a nice change and highlight your face in a different light. A high ponytail can also add realistic bangs to shape your face. In short, there are many ways to transform your appearance and receive unexpected compliments. 

If you need eyewear, you can also change your face by switching to contact lenses. If you’re not sure where to start, the cheapest place to buy contacts is typically online. It’s an easy way to create a new style and show off your eyes. The bottom line: Going for something a little different can be enough to fall back in love with yourself. 

Indulge in some self-care time

Feeling pretty is something that comes from within. Think of it as the first spark that can light up the fire of your self-esteem. It comes from a place of comfort and confidence, which is precisely why self-care plays a huge role in how you feel about yourself. A spa ritual at home during which you can make your own facial mask, for instance, can help you feel nourished both physically and emotionally. The time you invest in yourself is essential to make peace with the person in the mirror. 

Up your selfie’s game

There is no such thing as not being photogenic. Unfortunately, social media platforms make it hard to feel good in your skin when so many influencers are posting flattering selfies. Taking a good selfie requires skills. You need to understand how to pose, how to make the most of the light, etc. While influencers have honed their selfie skills, the mere mortals we still have a lot to learn! Yet, it’s worth experimenting and trying out the best poses so you know what works for you. More importantly, you can use a good selfie as a morale boost. It’s a picture of yourself that you like and that others also compliment. 

Feeling pretty is a skill that you need to develop and nourish in your day-to-day life. Of course, it doesn’t solve all self-esteem problems. But it gives you the new mental and emotional strength to tackle life’s challenges. As coping mechanisms go, feeling pretty is safe, pleasant, and enjoyable. So what are you waiting for? 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share with *Watermelon Sugar Live

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me this week for another edition of Weekend Music Share.

Have you ever thought about joining in on Weekend Music Share? It’s very easy and it gives you a chance to lighten up the tone of your blog and have a little fun. Just Copy the official graphic below and use #Weekend Music Share in your headline.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

Wishing you the luck of the Irish in finding your pot of gold.

Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com
Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com

What is Saint Patrick’s Day really about?

Saint Patrick’s Day, or the Feast of Saint Patrick, is a cultural and religious celebration held on 17 March, the traditional death date of Saint Patrick, the foremost patron saint of Ireland.

Have a great day.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

#Wordless Wednesday*The Garden Is Alive

Have a great Wednesday!

I hope you’re doing great this week and I look forward to seeing you again next week.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share with *This Is Heaven

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me this week for another edition of Weekend Music Share.

Want to start joining in on Weekend Music Share? It’s very easy and it gives you a chance to lighten the tome of your blog and have a little fun. Just Copy the office graphic below and use #Weekend Music Share in your headline.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share with *Roller Coaster

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me this week for another edition of Weekend Music Share. I love music, all types of music, and can’t imagine life without music as a backdrop.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share with * Lean On me

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me this week for another edition of Weekend Music Share. I love music, all types of music, and can’t imagine life without music as a backdrop. I know many of you feel the same way, I’ve read your comments over the years and know how much music can mean in a person’s life.

There’s a strain on us all, across all borders and at times it can feel bleak. One thing to remember is we alwasy have each other, alwasy have and will get thru another storm with the help of a friend or a stranger.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

We Have Water!!!!!!!

A week ago a major winter storm hit a large part of Texas causing several of our pipes to freeze and it left us without water. The plumbers are wrapping up the repairs and I’m ready to jump for joy! I will not miss having to put water in the toilet every time I need to flush and can’t wait to take a hot shower!

This is me!

Viralhog Grandma Dance GIF - Viralhog GrandmaDance BackPackDance GIFs

My prayers are with the many who are still struggling to get water, repairs, and some even housing. Please donate to give water to local charities if you can.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share *

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me.

With so much of the country ia a freezing lockdown I looked for an appropriate song about weather, snow, rain, something that might hit the feeling I have right now. My husband and I are blessed, we have only minor damage and did not lose water or electricity. My heart bleeds for those how Mother Nature wreaked havoc on their life. I’m sending warm wishes your way.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing

Happy Valentines Day

I remember as a kid my mother would buy us a package of Valentine’s cards to fill out for all of our classmates. And who can forget the sweetheart candy with sayings like Would you be mine? on written them. Somewhere along the line cards became directed at a special someone you wanted to know how you felt about them.

My husband and I still exchange Valentine’s Day cards after 18 years of marriage. it’s an important day to say you care and that you hold them in a special place in your heart. In addition to a card, I received a heart-shaped box of chocolate-covered strawberries and an orchid plant. He knows the way to my heart! Of course, it takes much less than that to win me over.

Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and….

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Happy Valentines Day, Will you be my Valentine?

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

How did the human heart become associated with love? And how did it turn into the shape we know today?

IDEAS.TED.COM

Feb 12, 2019 / Marilyn Yalom

Jehan de Grise and his workshop, “The Heart Offering,” 1338-1344. Illustration from The Romance of Alexander, Bodleian Library, Oxford, England.

We see the familiar symbol everywhere — in text messages, signs, cakes, clothing, and more. But we also know the real heart looks nothing like it. Historian Marilyn Yalom tells us how the anatomical organ became the symbol that we all know today.

In 2011, I went to the British Museum in London to see a collection of 15th-century artifacts, which included gold coins and jewelry that were part of the Fishpool Hoard found in England in 1966. I was particularly attracted to a heart-shaped brooch (below, one of the heart brooches from the hoard).

That day, I noticed the heart’s two upper lobes and its V-shaped bottom point as if I were seeing them for the first time. It quickly dawned on me that the symmetrical shape is a far cry from the ungainly lumpish organ inside us. From that moment on, the figure of the heart pursued me. I wanted to answer two questions: “How did the human heart become transformed into the iconic form we know today?” and “How long has the heart been associated with love?”

Artist unknown. Brooch from the Fishpool Hoard, 1400-1464, British Museum, London, England.

As far back as the ancient Greeks, lyric poetry identified the heart with love in verbal conceits. Among the earliest known Greek examples, the poet Sappho agonized over her own “mad heart” quaking with love. She lived during the 7th century BC on the island of Lesbos surrounded by female disciples for whom she wrote passionate poems, now known only in fragments, like the following: Love shook my heart, Like the wind on the mountain Troubling the oak-trees.

Greek philosophers agreed, more or less, that the heart was linked to our strongest emotions, including love. Plato argued for the dominant role of the chest in love and in negative emotions of fear, anger, rage and pain. Aristotle expanded the role of the heart even further, granting it supremacy in all human processes.

Artist unknown. Drachm depicting a silphium seed pod, ca. 510-490 BC. Sanctuary of Demeter and Persephone, Cyrene.

Among the ancient Romans, the association between the heart and love was commonplace. Venus, the goddess of love, was credited — or blamed — for setting hearts on fire with the aid of her son Cupid, whose darts aimed at the human heart were always overpowering.

In the ancient Roman city of Cyrene — near what is now Shahhat, Libya — the coin (above) was discovered. Dating back to 510-490 BC, it’s the oldest-known image of the heart shape. However, it’s what I call the non-heart heart, because it is stamped with the outline of the seed from the silphium plant, a now-extinct species of giant fennel. Why in the world would anyone have put that on a coin? Silphium was known for its contraceptive properties, and the ancient Libyans got rich from exporting it throughout the known world. They chose to honor it by putting it on a coin.

Illustration from the novel Manon Lescaut by Antoine François Prévost, iStock.

The ancient Romans held a curious belief about the heart — that there was a vein extending from the fourth finger of the left hand directly to the heart. They called it the vena amoris. Even though this idea was based upon incorrect knowledge of the human anatomy, it persisted. In the medieval period in Salisbury, England, during the church ceremony in the liturgy, the groom was told to place a ring on the bride’s fourth finger because of that vein. Wearing a wedding ring on that finger goes back all the way to the Romans.

Artist unknown, “Herr Alram von Gresten: Minne Gespräch,” from the Codex Manesse. Heidelberg University Library, Heidelberg, Germany.

During the 12th and 13th centuries, the heart found a home in the feudal courts of Europe. Minstrels in France celebrated a form of love that came to be known as “fin’ amor.” Fin’ amor is impossible to translate: today we call it courtly love, but its original meaning was closer to “extreme love,” “refined love” or “perfect love.” Courtly love required the troubadour to pledge his whole heart to only one woman, with the promise that he would be true to her forever. Accompanied by his lyre or harp, he’d sing his heart out in the presence of his lady and the members of the court to which she belonged.

This explosion of song and poetry that started in France spread to Spain, Portugal, Italy, Germany, Hungary and Scandinavia, each of which created its own variations. Through them, love staked out its place not only as a literary concept but also as an important social value and an intrinsic part of being human. A yearning for amorous love seeped into the Western consciousness and has remained there since. The illustration (above) is from the German Codex Manesse, a compilation of love poems which historians place sometime between 1300 to 1340. Between the couple, a fanciful tree rises to form the outline of a heart, which carries within it a coat of arms bearing the Latin word AMOR (love.)

Jehan de Grise and his workshop, “The Heart Offering,” 1338-1344. Illustration from The Romance of Alexander, Bodleian Library, Oxford, England.

In 1344, the first known image of the indubitable heart icon with two lobes and a point appeared. It made its debut in a manuscript titled The Romance of Alexander, written in the French dialect of Picardy by Lambert le Tor (and, after him, finished by Alexandre de Bernay). With hundreds of exquisitely ornamented pages, Alexander is one of the great medieval picture books.

The scene containing the heart image appears in the lower border of a page decorated with sprays of foliage, perched birds and other motifs characteristic of French and Flemish illumination. On the left-hand side (above), a woman raises a heart that she has presumably received from the man facing her. She accepts the gift, while he touches his breast to indicate the place from which it has come. From this moment on, there was an explosion of heart imagery, particularly in France.

Master of the Chronique scandaleuse, “Miniature of Two Women Trying to Catch Flying Hearts in a Net” (detail), ca. 1500. From Pierre Sala, Petit Livre d’Amour, British Library, London, England.

During the 15th century, the heart icon proliferated throughout Europe in a variety of unexpected ways. It was visible on the pages of manuscripts and on luxury items like brooches and pendants. The heart also turned up in coats of arms, playing cards, combs, wooden chests, sword handles, burial sites, woodcuts, engravings and printer’s marks. The heart icon was adapted to many practical and whimsical uses, with most — but not all — related to love.

Frenchman Pierre Sala contributed to the history of the amorous heart with a book titled Emblèmes et Devises d’amour, or Love Emblems and Mottos, prepared in Lyon around 1500. His collection of 12 love poems and illustrations was intended for Marguerite Bullioud, the love of his life, although she was married to another man. (She and Sala wed after her husband’s death.) Sala’s tiny book was meant to be held in the palm of one’s hand. In one of the illustrations (above), two women attempt to catch a bevy of flying hearts in a net stretched out between two trees. The winged heart, borrowing from angels, had already appeared in earlier illustrations as the sign of soaring love.

Artist unknown, Pensez à moi, ca. 1900. Paper valentine, image courtesy of Marilyn Yalom.

Though some people assume that Valentine’s Day is the creation of the modern greeting card industry, its history is much older — indeed, so old that its origins are clouded. Saint Valentine of Rome was added to the Catholic calendar by Pope Gelasius in 496, to be commemorated on February 14, the same day it still occupies. While there have been various theories of why St. Valentine became associated with love, it most likely developed during the late Middle Ages in the context of Anglo-French courtly love.

By the mid-17th century, the celebration of Valentine’s Day in England was customary for those who could afford its rituals. Affluent men drew lots with women’s names on them, and the man who picked a lady’s name was obliged to give her a gift. The earliest English, French and American valentines were little more than a few lines of verse handwritten on a sheet of paper, but over time, makers began embellishing them with drawings and paintings. These were folded, sealed with wax, and placed on their intended’s doorstep.

Then, the first commercial valentines appeared in England at the end of the 18th century. They were printed, engraved or made from woodcuts and sometimes colored by hand. They combined traditional symbols of love — flowers, hearts, cupids, birds — with doggerel verse of the “roses are red” variety. Thanks to the Industrial Revolution, mass-produced Valentine’s Day cards obliterated the handmade variety in England and the US. The French, too, began exploiting the commercial valentine, with cards featuring angel-like cupids surrounded by hearts (above, a French card, circa 1900).

Milton Glaser, I Love New York, 1977. Trademarked logo, New York State Department of Economic Development, New York, New York.

In 1977, the heart icon underwent yet another transformation when it became a verb. The “I ❤ NY” logo was created to boost morale for a city in crisis. Trash piled up on the streets, the crime rate spiked, and it was near bankruptcy. Hired to design an image that would increase tourism, graphic designer Milton Glaser created the famous logo (above) that has since become a cliché and a meme. With the logo, Glaser extended the heart’s meaning beyond romantic love to embrace the realm of civic feelings and thereby opened the gateway to new uses. Once it became a verb, ❤ could connect a person with any other person, place or thing.

Twenty-two years later, a new graphic form appeared that brought the heart into a whole new realm. In 1999, Japanese provider NTT DoCoMo released the first emojis made for mobile communication. In the original set of 176 symbols, there were five concerning the heart. One was colored completely red, one included white blank spots to suggest 3-D depth, another had jagged white blanks at its center signifying a broken heart, one looked as if it were in flight, and one had two small hearts sailing off together.

Now there are more 30 different emojis containing a heart, and I suspect the heart image will keep evolving in unknown ways for centuries to come.While the heart may be only a metaphor, it serves us well, for love itself is impossible to define. Throughout the ages, men and women have tried to put into words the various shades of love they’ve experienced — fondness, affection, infatuation, attachment, endearment, romance, desire or “true love.” But when words fail us, we fall back on signs. We add ❤ to our emails, texts and notes. We send valentines adorned with ❤ to those dear to us. We give gifts with❤ patterns. We make ❤ -shaped cookies for children. The continued global popularity of the heart as a symbol for love offers us a small dose of hope, serving as a reminder of the ageless assumption that love can save us.

This story was adapted from Marilyn Yalom’s TEDx talk and from her book The Amorous Heart: An Unconventional History of Love, with the permission of Basic Books, an imprint of Perseus Books LLC, a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group. Copyright © Marilyn Yalom 2018. 

Watch her TEDxPaloAlto talk here: https://www.youtube.com/embed/d9Yb6pQagHs?version=3&rel=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&fs=1&hl=en-US&autohide=2&wmode=transparent

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marilyn Yalom is a senior scholar at the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford University, and the author of “A History of the Wife” and “How the French Invented Love,” among other books. 

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share *I Honestly Love YOu

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me. As we prepare for Valentine’s Day I thought this would be a great reminder. 

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing

Book Review *The Smart Girl’s Handbook by Scarlett V Clark

Welbeck Publishing Group kindly gifted me the book The Smart Girl’s Handbook by Scarlett V Clark for an honest review.

 

The Smart Girls Handbook : How to Silence Self-Doubt, Find Your Purpose and Redefine the Impossible (Paperback)

Blurb

Giving women the tools they need to shine in the modern world, become their fearless and authentic self, and design the life and career that fills them with joy. The Smart Girls Handbook brings together inspiration, game-changing ideas, and empowering words from women around the world who have been through it all. 

Scarlett V Clark is a speaker and the award-winning founder and CEO of Smart Girl Tribe, the UK’s number one female empowerment community. She is available to provide extracts and top tip features such as:

 • How my toxic relationship became the catalyst to my success 

• 6 stress busters to stop feeling anxious

• ‘You grow through what you go through’: embracing failure 

• How to silence your inner ‘mean girl’

My Thoughts

The Smart Girl Handbook is for women who are tired of being told what dress size they should be, tired of the negativity surrounding them today including from other women, and for women who want to be their authentic selves. Life happens and it’s not always pretty but with a backbone, determination, and the guidance of The Smart Girl’s Handbook you can come thru unscathed, just slightly bruised but not battered. 

Learn how to not fall into the traps set out there to trip you up. Life around us is very negative, the news outlets, social media, and even toxic friends. You have to learn to rise above the negativity and Scarlett helps you silence your inner mean girl. The Smart Girl Handbook is all the questions you wish you could have asked when younger but had no-one or place to turn for the answers. 

I encourage every woman to buy Scarlett’s book, The Smart Girl’s Handbook. Maybe even share one with a friend. This is not your average self-help book that has been regurgitated over and over. She’s witty, original, honest about the problem and how to get the answers. She’s not sharing pie in the sky stories, this is her life, dissected and laid out for you to learn from. I think The Smart Girl book is an excellent primer for moms to help their daughters navigate the rough waters ahead. 

Website: www.smartgirltribe.com
Facebook: Smart Girl Tribe
Instagram: @smartgirltribe
Podcast: ‘The Smart Girl Tribe Podcast’ available on Podbean, Spotify, iTunes, and anywhere you can find podcasts.

WelBeck Publishing Group

We are Welbeck Publishing Group – a globally recognised, independent publisher based in London. Our mission is to deliver talent-driven publishing with leading authors and brands worldwide. Our books and products span a variety of categories including, fiction, non-fiction and stationery and gift. We are renowned for our innovative ideas, production values, and developing long-lasting content.

Welbeck’s amazing product comes to life for adults, children, and families in over 30 languages in more than 60 countries around the world. We have collaborated with many of the world’s leading institutions and licensors including – Disney, Universal, Paramount, HBO, Queen Productions, FIFA, International Mensa, Roald Dahl Literary Estate, the Science, Natural History and Imperial War Museums, and Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun

Happy Birthday Garth Brooks

Garth Brooks was Born 59 years ago, I bet he came out with a scream and setting the world on fire. I had the privilege to see Garth live while on tour in Dallas, Texas, WOW no one can put on a show like Garth. I don’t know where the energy comes from, he gives it all and then finds a reserve. If you ever have a chance, I highly recommend going to see Garth perform.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share *Better Days

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life

Rosa Parks Was Born 108 Years Ago Today: Relive the Civil Rights Activist’s Inspiring Moments

Rosa parks did more for civil rights than I ever knew. She was a force to be recorded with. I’m sure tensions were very high that day she refused to give up her seat to a white passenger. No doubt she might have been a bit scared herself. But she had it within her to stand up for what is right and her legacy shines bight today.

Photo by Lu00ea Minh on Pexels.com

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Everyday To Be List

This post was inspired by Maria Shiver’s newsletter Sunday Paper. Every week she has an influential person or celebrity talk about their “To Be List”. I’ve been reading these for about a month now and was inspired to write my own.

Photo by Matilda Wormwood on Pexels.com

I want to Be present in the moment with each conversation I have, not half in and one foot out.

I want to Be a better listener. Listen longer before speaking.

I want to Be more aware of how my action affects the environment. We all have to do or part.

I want to Be more open with my emotions. Let the guard down and truly smile.

I want to Be a positive influence whatever that means. I want to be the positive person in the room, not the one who always drains.

Want do you want to Be?

Melinda

 

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Here’s how you can connect to friends who are depressed

IDEAS.TED.COM

Dec 15, 2017 / Bill Bernat

Some heartfelt advice from writer Bill Bernat, who’s been there

When I lived with severe depression and social anxiety, I found it extremely difficult to talk to strangers. Yet the one conversation that uplifted me more than any other occurred in the dining hall of the mental health wing of a mountain-town hospital. I met a woman who told me that a few days earlier, she’d driven her Jeep Wrangler to the edge of the Grand Canyon. She sat there, revving the engine and thinking about driving over.

Photo by Maria Orlova on Pexels.com

She described what had been going on in her life in the days and months leading up, what her thoughts were at that exact moment, why she wanted to die, and why she didn’t do it. We nodded and half-smiled, and then it was my turn to talk about my journey to our table in that fine dining establishment. I had taken too many sleeping pills. After the doctors treated me, they were like, “Hey, we’d love it if you would be our guest in the psych ward!”

That day, she and I talked shop. She allowed me to be deeply depressed and simultaneously have a genuine connection to another person. For the first time, I identified as someone living with depression and I felt, oddly, good about it — or rather, like I wasn’t a bad person for having it.

Now, imagine one of the people at that table was a member of your family or a close friend who told you they were really depressed. Would you be comfortable talking to them?

Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability.

The World Health Organization says that depression is the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide, affecting more than 300 million people. In the United States, the National Institute of Mental Health reports 7 percent of Americans experience depression in a year. But while depression is super common, in my experience most folks don’t want to talk to depressed people unless we pretend to be happy. So we learn to put on a cheerful façade for casual interactions, like buying a pumpkin spice latte. The average barista doesn’t want to know that a customer is trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul.

Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability. And despite what you might think, talking to friends and family living with depression can be easy and maybe fun. Not like Facebook-selfie-with-Lady-Gaga-at-an-underground-party fun — instead, I’m talking about the kind of fun where people enjoy each other’s company effortlessly, no one feels awkward, and no one accuses the sad person of ruining the holidays.

There’s a chasm that exists. On one side are people with depression, and on the other side is everyone else and they’re asking, “Why you gotta be so depressed?”

I’ve noticed there’s a chasm that exists. On the one side are those people living with depression, who may act in off-putting or confusing ways because they’re fighting a war in their head that nobody else can see. On the other side is everyone else, and they’re looking across the divide, shaking their heads, and asking, ‘Why you gotta be so depressed?’

I began battling depression when I was eight, and decades later, to my surprise, I started winning that battle. I shifted from being miserable much of the time to enjoying life. Today I live pretty well with bipolar disorder, and I’ve overcome some other mental health conditions, like overeating, addiction and social anxiety. As someone who lives on both sides of this chasm, I want to offer you some guidance based on my experiences to help you build a bridge across. I’ve also talked to a lot of people who’ve lived with depression to refine these suggestions.

Please don’t let our lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. Sadness doesn’t need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack.

Before I get to the do’s, here are some some things you might want to avoid when talking to someone who’s depressed.

Don’t say “Just get over it.” That’s a great idea – we love it —  but there’s just one problem: we already thought of that. The inability to “just get over it” is depression. Depression is an illness, so it’s no different from telling someone with a broken ankle or cancer to “just get over it.” Try not to fix us — your pressure to be “normal” can make us depressed people feel like we’re disappointing you.

Don’t insist that the things which make other people feel better will work for us. For example, you cannot cure clinical depression by eating ice cream, which is unfortunate because that would be living the dream.

Don’t take it personally if we respond negatively to your advice. I have a friend who, about a year ago, messaged me saying he was feeling really isolated and depressed. I suggested some things for him to do, and he was like, “No, no, and no.” I got mad, like, “How dare he not embrace my brilliant wisdom!” Then I remembered the times I’ve been depressed and how I thought I was doomed in all possible futures and everybody hated me. It didn’t matter how many people told me otherwise; I didn’t believe them. So I let my friend know I cared, and I didn’t take his response personally.

Don’t think that being sad and being OK are incompatible. Please don’t let our lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. Sadness does not need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack. Yes, we can be sad and OK at the exact same time. TV, movies, popular songs and even people tell us if we’re not happy, there’s something wrong. We’re taught that sadness is unnatural, and we must resist it. In truth, it’s natural and it’s healthy to accept sadness and know it won’t last forever.

Talk to a depressed person as if their life is just as valuable, intense and beautiful as yours.

And here are some do’s.

Do talk to us in your natural voice. You don’t need to put on a sad voice because we’re depressed; do you sneeze when you’re talking to somebody with a cold? It’s not rude for you to be upbeat around us.

Do absolve yourself of responsibility for the depressed person. You might be afraid that if you talk to them, you’re responsible for their well-being, that you need to “fix” them and solve their problems. You’re not expected to be Dr. Phil — just be friendly, more like Ellen. You may worry that you won’t know what to say, but words are not the most important thing — your presence is.

Do be clear about what you can and cannot do for us. I’ve told people, “Hey, call or text me anytime, but I might not be able to get back to you that same day.” It’s totally cool for you to make a narrow offer with really clear boundaries. Give us a sense of control by getting our consent about what you’re planning to do. A while back when I was having a depressive episode, a friend reached out and said, “Hey, I want to check in with you. Can I call you every day? Or, maybe text you every day and call you later in the week? What works for you?” By asking for my permission, she earned my confidence and remains one of my best friends today.

Do interact with us about normal stuff or ask us for help. When people were worried about a friend of mine, they’d call him and ask if he wanted to go shopping or help them clean out their garage. This was a great way to reach out. They were engaging with him without calling attention to his depression. He knew they cared, but he didn’t feel embarrassed or like a burden. (Yes, your depressed friends could be a good source of free labor!) Invite them to contribute to your life in some way, even if it’s as small as asking you to go see a movie that you wanted to see in the theater.

This is, by no means, a definitive list. All of these suggestions are grounded in one guiding principle: speaking to someone like they belong and can contribute. That’s what allowed the woman in the Jeep Wrangler to start me on my path to recovery without even trying: She spoke to me like I was OK and had something to offer exactly as I was at that moment. Talk to a depressed person as if their life is just as valuable, intense and beautiful as yours. If you focus on that, it might just be the most uplifting conversation of their life.

This piece was adapted from a talk given at TEDxSnoIsleLibraries2017. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Bill Bernat is a technology marketer, Comedy Central comedian, and The Moth Radio Hour storyteller living in Seattle. He brings awareness and humor to mental health in his award-winning show, Becoming More Less Crazy. He also leads storytelling workshops and fundraisers for nonprofit organizations.

Melinda

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Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share *Don’t Stop Believin’

It’s the weekend!!!!!!

I’m so glad you’ve joined me. I hope you enjoy my Rock Oldies choice today.

Have a great weekend!

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life

Let’s Celebrate Martin Luther King Day

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

Martin Luther King Jr. gave many speeches in his lifetime, one of my favorite speeches is I have a Dream.

Martin Luther came from a place of peace, love and understanding. He knew the road he and other’s were on was a tough road but he took the high road, calling for people to come togther not create violence.

He fanned a flame deep inside when people were losing hope from what was going on around them. He opened a door for people to believe in themselves and to succeed no matter the odds.

We need more leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. today to build us up not separate us. 

Read some of his speeches and see if he lights a flame within your heart.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

I believe in goals not setting resolutions

Here we are two weeks in to 2021 and I haven’t written a post about New Years resolutions. It’s simple, I don’t make resolutions. Years ago I realized that at some point in the year my resolutions had gone by the wayside and or were not important any more.

Photo by Julia Larson on Pexels.com

Instead of resolutions, I set goals. The reason this works for me is that goals are fluid and so is life. I didn’t approach my resolutions like goals and that is one reason I would find myself disappointed several months into the year with a list of items that were no longer relevant. Setting resolutions always felt like a Wish List not an action plan.

I like to spend time during the last month of the year reflecting on what I’ve learned, what did I accomplish and determine if my goals are still valid. Validity is just as important as having goals and  sometimes they are no longer relevant as you grow as a person.

If you have a goal, you have to take repetitive actions to get to the end result. If your actions on a daily basis don’t support/reinforce your goals you will not reach your destination. If you find yourself not taking action on a goal, chances are it’s time to evaluate why you made it in he first place and is it really important. 

How do you take the lessons learned in 2020 and turn them into an action plan that will carry for you through 2021 with success? 

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Men & Womens Health

My Heart Bleeds For America

I’m devastated by the scenes played out on television yesterday by thugs claiming to be patriots to America. People have the right to demonstrate peacefully for their beliefs, to have their voices heard but PEACEFULLY is an absolute must here. We are not that type of country, we will not be run my terrorist. When you cross over the line to violence you are a thug, and in this case a domestic terrorist. I believe everyone of the thugs who claim to have America’s best interest at heart need to go to jail for crimes against our country. Let’s see how committed they are when held accountable for their actions. Blood is one their hands. 

I’m concerned about what other countries think about America, many of their voices heard over Twitter last night and I fear for our future relationships with our neighbors.

To anyone who is forming an impression of America based on the antics and behavior of this election, I ask you to please not judge America by our soon to be past President and a few misguided thugs.

As a longstanding Republican I write this with a heavy heart.

Melinda

 

 

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share *

It’s the weekend!!!!!! I’m so glad you’ve joined me. Today starts my week of Christmas music. I hope you enjoy it. Have a great weekend!

In health,

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life · Fun

#Weekend Music Share *All You Need Is Love

It’s the weekend!!!!!! I’m so glad you’ve joined me. I almost skipped this weekend, thought maybe you needed a break but then this song popped into my head this morning. Have a great weekend!

In health,

Melinda



Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.

Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.

Celebrate Life

Happy Hanukkah

Dec 11, 2020

Sending warm wishes to you and your family on this religious occasion. May your days be filled with peace, love and good food with friends and family.

Photo by Ksenia Chernaya on Pexels.com

In health,

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun

Ringing In Holiday Cheer

My husband decorated the Christmas Tree on Thanksgiving and I wanted to share a few holiday photos. We go bare minimal style on the ornaments these days. I included a few of my favorites. 

Our minimal Christmas Tree

Ornament my granny gave me in the 1980s

Collector Lladro 1993 ornament

Collector 1988 Lladro ornament

Ornament for the year we got married


Collector 1992 Waterford ornament my boss gave to me

 

Our new 2020 ornament

Have a great holiday season, remember the reason for the season. 

In health,

Melinda