Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How The Pandemic Has Strengthened My Marriage

My husband had been working from home since March 2020 and it was the easiest transition I could have imagined. Luckily he already had a home office so he isn’t having to work somewhere else in the house like the living room or kitchen.

Photo by Ken Tomita on Pexels.com

We’ve known each other for 20 years and have been married for close to 19 years so I had a good understanding of what he did for a living or I thought I did. What I have learned about his people skills is quite amazing. I now understand the level of stress he used to bring home. He is exposed to the highest levels within a multi-billion dollar international company and has to deal with the changing nature of their industry on a daily basis. 

By learning about his work environment, I can better understand his daily frustrations and communicate more effectively with him when he is trying to unwind at the end of the day. I am also more understanding when he has late-night calls with people in Tokyo or is answering texts late into the night.

The greatest changes to come out of him working at home is we get to eat lunch together every day, chat in between meetings, and occasionally get out for a coffee run with the dogs. He can also play with the dogs for a stress relief break. He now has a better understanding of my daily schedule and struggles. 

We communicate more no than ever before on a daily basis. That has strengthened our marriage. 

I’m not a Polly Anne type of person, quite the opposite but I see a silver lining and this is mine. I hope you can find yours.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Rethinking Pain Podcast-How fear and safety impact our experience of pain

Listen Here
 Tune into this week’s episode of Rethinking Pain Podcast, where Shannon interviews Lin Health coach, Deb Malkin, about her journey out of pain.

Deb is a plus-size, body-positive massage therapist, movement enthusiast, life coach, and client zero of her pain recovery coaching work. She has studied with Dr. Howard Schubiner and Charlie Merrill, (MSPT) in pain reprocessing.  Listen as Coach Deb shares personal insights about how a different way of thinking helped shift her experience of pain and lead to the work she does today.

Listen on Apple Podcast 

Watch on YouTube 
Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Moving Forward

Recovery Awareness Month

September is Recovery Awareness Month and it’s a very important month. Millions of Americans and people around the world are in recovery from alcohol, drug, or other addictions. We all need help, I’ve been there myself. I had a drinking problem for over 20 years, it took a long hard look at myself and the help of my medical team for me to quit.

Here’s what the month is all about

President Biden has proclaimed September 2021 as National Recovery Month. Read the proclamation here.

National Recovery Month (Recovery Month) is a national observance held every September to educate Americans that substance use treatment and mental health services can enable those with a mental and/or substance use disorder to live a healthy and rewarding life.

Recovery Month celebrates the gains made by those in recovery, just as we celebrate health improvements made by those who are managing other health conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, asthma, and heart disease. This observance reinforces the positive message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, prevention works, treatment is effective, and people can and do recover.

HerePhoto by Negative Space on Pexels.com

Addiction Resources

DetoxRehabs.net,

StartYourRecovery.org

Addiction Group.org

Local Non Profit Addiction Treatment Directory

AddictionResouce.net

Addiction Center.com Find Rehab Clinics In Your Area

Recovery.Org Find Addiction Treatment Near You

Rehab Centers Nation Wide (Insurance Specific)

Help Guide.org – Addiction Information

Drug Abuse Resources for Parents

SMART Recovery.Org – Self Management and Recovery Training

Mental Health Resources

Addiction Group.org

D’Amore Mental Health

Addiction Rehab Treatment.com/mental-health/depression/ 

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

International Bipolar Foundation

Mental Health America

MentalHealth.gov

National Institute of Mental Health

National Institute on Aging

National SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Press 1, Veterans Crisis Line USA
Press 2, Se Habla Español
LifeLine Chat

CrisisTextLine.org
Text 741-741
Facebook.com/CrisisTextLine

IMAlive.org Crisis Chat

TheTrevorProject.org (LGBTQ Youth)
1-866-488-7386 (24/7/365)
TrevorChat (7 days/week from 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)
TrevorText — text START to 678-678 (Mon–Fri, 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)

VeteransCrisisLine.net

Brain & Behavior Research Foundation (BBRFoundation.org): Awards grants for scientific research. Keep up to date on latest research

International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF.org): Bipolar research. Care and support resources for individuals and caregivers. Erase stigma through education.

MentalHealth.gov: US government mental health resources and information.

MentalHealthAmerica.net (MHA): Address needs of those living with mental illness. Promote mental health.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI.org): Build better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH.nih.gov): Federal agency for research on mental disorders.

NeedyMeds.org1-800-503-6897. Educates and empowers those seeking affordable healthcare.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA.gov): Reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental illness on America’s communities.

Don’t hesitate to get help, you’re strong enough, and once on the other side support is there for you along your entire journey.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Book Review Navigating Loneliness By Cheryl Rickman

I was kindly gifted an advanced copy of Navigating Loneliness by Cheryl Rickman from Maddie Kirby-Dunne at Wellbeck Publishing Group for an honest review. Thank you, Maddie.

About the Author

Cheryl Rickman is a qualified Positive Psychology Practitioner and Sunday Times bestselling author and ghostwriter of twenty self-help, wellbeing and business books.

After her parents’ lives were cut short, Cheryl decided to devote her life to helping others make the most of their own precious lives through the books she writes.

She specializes in writing practical books to help people fret less and flourish more, and is a Wellbeing Ambassador for the Network of Wellbeing.

Having qualified with a Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology in 2016, Cheryl also runs wellbeing retreats and delivers workshops on acceptance, balance and compassion, The ABC of FlourishingTM.

Cheryl lives with her husband, daughter and two dogs in a country cottage in Hampshire, UK. She is an unashamed tree- hugger and nature-lover, has an overflowing bookshelf and her favourite colour is rainbow. She loves pizza and the seaside, but is not a fan of mushrooms or spiders.

You can find out more at http://www.CherylRickman.co.uk

OTHER WELLBEING BOOKS BY THIS AUTHOR

Be More Wonder Woman: Fearless Thinking from a Warrior Princess

(DK, 2020)

The Flourish Colouring Book: Art Therapy Mindfulness

(CreateSpace, 2015)

The Flourish Handbook: How to Achieve Happiness with Staying Power, Boost Your Well-Being, Enjoy Life More and Reach Your Potential (CreateSpace, 2013)

The Happiness Bible: An Ultimate Guide to Sustainable Wellbeing

(Godsfield Press, 2019)

The Little Book of Resilience (Gaia, 2019)

The Little Book of Serenity (Gaia, 2020)

May You Be Well: Everyday Good Vibes for the Spiritual (Pyramid, 2021)

You Are Enough: Embrace Your Flaws and Be Happy Being You

(Summersdale, 2021)

Blurb

Navigating Loneliness is part of a Trigger Publishing series of books about managing mental health issues. Throughout this book you’ll learn what actions you can take to tackle the main causes of loneliness and reduce it.

My Thoughts

The book is a very fast read at only 155 pages long and includes helpful resources at the back of the book. It’s a great read with a long list of resources.

Wellbeck Publishing Group

Wellbeck Publishing Group is an exciting, fast-growing independent publisher based in London, dedicated to publishing only the very best and most commercial books spanning a number of genres and categories, from leading authors and well-known brands to debut talent. We live for books that entertain, excite and enhance the lives of readers around the world.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Are Your Money Worries Overwhelming You?

Money can be one of the worst things for making you worry; indeed, a lot of people can feel like their mental wellbeing has been effectively ruined over their financial insecurity. It’s a very serious thing – almost half of the people currently in debt also report having mental health issues. 

If that also sounds like you, being able to take more control over your finances is key for achieving greater peace and stability in your lifestyle. Of course, learning to live with and/or manage your money worries is only part of the solution, but it’s essential to do. But don’t worry, you don’t have to take this challenge on alone – here are some tips for stopping your money worries from overwhelming you. 

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Don’t ever let your finances go unchecked; face your fears and confront the problem head-on by keeping up with how your bank account, credit scores, and any other financial platforms you’re a part of our functioning. 

Because when you’re aware, you’re in control. You’re able to face the problem, and prevent it from becoming a bigger problem before it ever gets the chance to. And you can make this easy for yourself. For example, if you’ve got car insurance to pay for, be sure to make it easy to check in with by using something like a direct auto insurance account to keep up to date straight from your phone. 

The next step is to be realistic, which can be a hard thing when you’re finding it very hard to face the reality of your finances. However, when you’re realistic, you’ll be able to put together a workable budget, that allows you to take care of yourself and pay for any debt and other financial obligations you have. 

Start with your income, and then take away your expenses, both fixed and variable. If this all fluctuates, use a monthly average. Whatever you’ve got leftover is what you can put towards those credit card bills, and use to bump up your credit score bit by bit. Even just a couple of regular debt payments can turn it green again. 

Finally, if you’re someone who has serious money worries, don’t let yourself be alone in facing them. Talk to friends and family about them, or work with a professional such as an advisor, who could help you to see the light in your struggles. 

Most of all, make sure you feel supported, and like you’ve got some strength behind you. Even if you need someone to be there with you when you check your bank account for the first time in months, ask someone to come round and sit with you. It could really change how you see your finances. 

Money worries can be overwhelming, at their worst. Be sure to reach out for help, and always try to face your fears, as you have the power to take control of a problem like this.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

What To Consider During A Legal Separation

Did you know that for you and your spouse to be considered legally separated, you should have been living apart for six months? Additionally, while pursuing a separation, there should be no possibility of reconciliation. With 50% of marriages in the United States ending in separation and divorce, it helps to arm yourself with some knowledge on what this entails. Read further to find out the things to consider when seeking a legal separation.

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Although it’s a legal separation, the law demands that both parents decide on custody agreements and child visitation rights. Regardless of the circumstances behind the marriage’s breakdown, your young children (under 18 years) should come first in this decision-making process, primarily for their mental and emotional well-being. No matter how low the marriage has sunk, your utmost concern should be creating a stable and balanced family for the kids in question. You should always try to make your children feel safe and secure in every situation.

Remember also that whatever you agree to concern child custody can continue to remain so when the divorce is finally granted, the only exception being when there’s irrefutable proof or evidence of one partner being abusive. In other cases, when a party has a criminal record that bars him or her from getting full custody of kids (biological or adopted), the court can grant supervised visitations.

Indeed, the procedures, processes, and countless paperwork necessary in legal separations are complex. It can be an arduous emotional and mental journey getting through with each stage. With the associated stress and emotional torture that comes with it, you’ll find it worthwhile to seek a qualified family law attorney. Most importantly, your lawyer can represent you in court, which can save you countless courthouse sessions.

If you’re already on the lookout for such help, you can Google “divorce solicitors Manchester” and reputable firms such as Bannister Preston will be among the results. They are a group of lawyers with decades of experience in family law with trusted solutions for your legal challenges. Getting useful legal advice and representation in a trying period such as this can help smoothen the process. As already indicated in earlier paragraphs, legal separation can be intense, and you need experienced hands to help you set the right plan in motion.

Image Credit

This is one of the essential parts of any legal separation and divorce. Dividing assets is a stage every couple seeking separation and divorce will arrive at, at some point. Make a rough list of properties (moveable and unmoveable) you own, ranging from houses, land, bank accounts to vehicles.

Everything both parties own should be listed and valued appropriately, as this is usually the stage notable for contention during the legal separation and divorce proceedings. It’s better to declare everything you both own as a couple to avoid any further strife.

Separation and divorce are not things people willingly look forward to. Unfortunately, circumstances leading to the total breakdown of the marriage may bring couples to this point.

So, assuming you have no choice but to go down this path, make sure it’s done within the confines of the law.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

What To Consider When Signing Prenuptial Agreement

Thinking of moving into a new relationship after a split is a great feeling. But, first, consider the status of the family assets from the broken marriage. You will need to sign a prenup for the children before getting into another relationship.

Photo by rovenimages.com on Pexels.com

To attain family peace, have this contract to ease financial pressure, know how to handle the kids in the new formation, and for alimony settlement. Getting into a new marriage without an agreement could paralyze the relationship before it even starts.

Here are few tips to consider when going for a prenuptial agreement:

Be Keen During the Negotiations

Before getting into marriage, you need to be honest in all open discussions relating to finances and liabilities. And, highlighting your financial expectation from the partner is essential. You should ask the partner if they’re willing to sign the agreement. 

You never know; some people are easily offended by the idea, not to mention the document itself. Often such people perceive it as a lack of trust. For this reason, this is a delicate topic that requires a lot of caution. If the partner isn’t willing, know what to do and remember that the agreement doesn’t have security in removing separation court battles. 

Have Compassion

Even though you desire to get into another relationship, understanding your partner is essential. Prenuptial agreements are strict, and once this discussion comes to the table, don’t get hurt by your lover’s suggestions.  

 Know the Power Imbalances

Most prenup agreements come into being when one partner has more property or assets than the fiancée. In most cases, it shows an imbalance during the negotiation process. And you can use divorce solicitors to help you in case you’ve kids with the property shares. 

You can settle the imbalance with straight talks – openly discuss the leverage and power disparities for amicable understanding. If done the right way, the final agreement document won’t be coercive but rather good. 

Understand that prenups vary

Ideally, these types of agreements are necessary when you’re getting into a marriage with assets and properties made before the partner’s existence. So, you have to agree on how to plan everything and so forth. 

It’s not necessary if both of you own nothing. You can plan with your partner on sharing expenses.

Consider Mediation

When signing a prenup, a mediator is inevitable. You can consider bringing a divorce mediator on board to help with vital information. These people have vast experiences and knowledge on what contributes to a marriage failure and the successful ones. 

In most cases, people sign the agreement to help if a divorce arises, making divorce mediators the best professionals for the task. They will help you determine solutions on how to share the assets or properties when a split strikes. 

While these tips place you in a better position of signing a prenuptial agreement, you must also consider a professional mediator’s input in the process. You wouldn’t want to carry the burden of overlooking the expert input aspect.

Besides, you can search through and find the best advice fitting your situation with the partner. From there, please consult a professional to help you in signing this vital life document.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How to get better at receiving feedback 

IDEAS.TED.COM

Sep 15, 2021 / David Burkus PhD

Nata Schepy

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

For leaders at any level, the single best way to grow is to lead and then get feedback. It is to act and interact with your team and learn what can be improved upon through feedback. Feedback is a better teacher than books, academic journal articles, trainings, speeches and even TED Talks.

And I say this as a writer who translates research from academic journal articles while giving trainings, speeches and TED Talks.

After you reach a more senior role, people tend to minimize any unpleasant or less-than-positive feedback or don’t want to offer you any constructive criticism at all.

But there’s a problem with receiving feedback once you reach a more senior role. The nature of feedback changes — people tend to minimize any unpleasant or less-than-positive feedback or don’t want to offer you any constructive criticism at all. And your response to feedback may also change; you may not internalize feedback because you don’t see the whole picture or you could get defensive.

Here, I’ll outline four steps you can take to get better at receiving feedback in order to grow as a leader and grow as a team.

Step #1: Start with thank you

The very first response to give when someone gives you feedback should be a response of gratitude. Don’t get defensive. Don’t offer to explain what they might not understand. And don’t even jump further into what you should change (we’ll get there). Instead, take time to offer your thanks for the gift you just received — the gift of feedback.

While feedback is a gift, it’s even more so a risk. When a team member speaks up to offer you feedback, they’re taking a risk with how you’ll respond. 

Why should you do this? Because while feedback is a gift, it’s even more so a risk. When a team member speaks up to offer you their feedback, especially critical or constructive feedback, they’re taking a risk with how you’ll respond. They’re risking potential damage to the relationship or retaliation. Or they’re risking wasting their time by giving feedback to someone who won’t receive it. Starting with “thank you” lets the other person know that risk was worth it and you will listen.

Step #2: Restate what you heard

Whether it’s praise, criticism or some other type of feedback, take the time to restate to the person giving it what you heard them say. Just a quick “What I hear you saying is _____” can have a powerful effect on your conversation.

Restating their feedback lets them know that their opinion matters and makes it more likely you’ll get additional feedback in the future from this person. 

Restating the feedback does two things. The first is that is checks your own understanding of the message, so you don’t risk taking in the wrong lessons. But more importantly, restating the feedback you heard allows the other person to feel heard. 

It lets them know you were really listening and — just like the first step — that this conversation isn’t a waste. It lets them know that their opinion matters and makes it more likely you’ll get additional feedback in the future from this person (and anyone else they talk to about this conversation).

Step #3: Mention what you’re changing

Listening to feedback by alone doesn’t bring about growth; it’s only when feedback is used to figure how to act differently (or start or stop acting) that growth actually happens. And if you’re going to be making changes as a result of the feedback, why not share those changes with the person or people who helped you discover what changes to make?

Once you’ve figured out how to apply feedback, be sure to share it with those who gave it. 

However, you don’t need to tell those who give you feedback what you’re changing right away. It’s OK to circle back later on, re-thank them for their feedback, and then mention what you’re changing. But once you’ve figured out how to apply feedback, be sure to share it with those who gave it.

Step #4: Seek out more feedback

Feedback isn’t a one-and-done intervention; it’s a process. You’re growing, changing and improving all the time — and to do that you’ll need more feedback. 

So make sure you’re developing a habit of seeking out more feedback. When you finish stating what you’ll be changing, ask if you can set a date with that person or group to re-evaluate how the change is going.

Not only will you get better at receiving feedback over time, but people will also feel more comfortable giving it to you. 

This does two things. First, it will guarantee more feedback at a later date. But more importantly, it will signal how open you truly are to receiving feedback and make it more likely you get unsolicited feedback at any time. And unsolicited feedback from those you trust is often the most potent.

Feedback is an ongoing process, and it may be difficult the first or second time you’re in a feedback conversation to meaningfully hit all four steps. But it will get easier over time. Not only will you get better at receiving feedback, but people will also feel more comfortable giving it to you. 

This article originally appeared on DavidBurkus.com and has been adapted with the author’s permission.

Watch his TEDxUniversityofNevada Talk here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Burkus PhD is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author of five books, including Leading from Anywhere: Unlock the Power and Performance of Remote Teams.

Celebrate Life · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How Does Feeling Pretty Make You Feel?

Feeling pretty is a subjective topic, but that doesn’t make it immaterial. What good does it do to me to like what I see in the mirror? 

The answer is Everything. It is tremendously important to enjoy your own image. Feeling pretty or attractive, whether you are a man or a woman, is a major stepping stone in your mental health journey. It’s about acknowledging yourself as an individual and recognizing your strengths and qualities. It is an act of self-love, and it often marks the beginning of a self-care journey. Therefore, we can’t afford to ignore those feelings. On the contrary, they are crucial to building your self-esteem up, protecting yourself, and embracing self-worth. It’s all about looking at the person in the mirror and believing that someone else could like them too. So, of course, you want to cultivate the art of being pretty/attractive/handsome, regardless of your gender. 

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

We tend to get so used to our image that we stop seeing it. Feeling pretty could be as simple as trying out something new. If you wear your hair in a certain way, for instance, you could experiment

with new hairstyles. Women with mid-length to long hair have a lot of options to be playful with their style. A scarf updo can be a nice change and highlight your face in a different light. A high ponytail can also add realistic bangs to shape your face. In short, there are many ways to transform your appearance and receive unexpected compliments. 

If you need eyewear, you can also change your face by switching to contact lenses. If you’re not sure where to start, the cheapest place to buy contacts is typically online. It’s an easy way to create a new style and show off your eyes. The bottom line: Going for something a little different can be enough to fall back in love with yourself. 

Feeling pretty is something that comes from within. Think of it as the first spark that can light up the fire of your self-esteem. It comes from a place of comfort and confidence, which is precisely why self-care plays a huge role in how you feel about yourself. A spa ritual at home during which you can make your own facial mask, for instance, can help you feel nourished both physically and emotionally. The time you invest in yourself is essential to make peace with the person in the mirror. 

There is no such thing as not being photogenic. Unfortunately, social media platforms make it hard to feel good in your skin when so many influencers are posting flattering selfies. Taking a good selfie requires skills. You need to understand how to pose, how to make the most of the light, etc. While influencers have honed their selfie skills, the mere mortals we still have a lot to learn! Yet, it’s worth experimenting and trying out the best poses so you know what works for you. More importantly, you can use a good selfie as a morale boost. It’s a picture of yourself that you like and that others also compliment. 

Feeling pretty is a skill that you need to develop and nourish in your day-to-day life. Of course, it doesn’t solve all self-esteem problems. But it gives you the new mental and emotional strength to tackle life’s challenges. As coping mechanisms go, feeling pretty is safe, pleasant, and enjoyable. So what are you waiting for? 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Men & Womens Health

It’s International Country Music Day

What is International Country Music Day?

Celebrate all things country on September 17 or International Country Music Day. The unofficial holiday was created in 2003 as a way to bring together musicians and fans of the popular music genre, and to increase the number of country music aficionados around the world.

Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

I’ve included one of my favorite old country music songs for your listening pleasure.

Enjoy the day.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Get Creative With Your Outdoor Structures

We regularly think of our home as one big building. We tend not to even think of our gardens as being truly part of the property per se. This is because it’s easy to become more attached to the space that we live in day after day than the space that we hardly visit. This could be solved by sitting in our gardens for more times of the year but that’s not the issue that is being looked at. We are going to focus on what types of outdoor living structures could be best for your home and why? It’s quite simple. We want to look at the cost of building, space and leisure as well as style.

Photo by julie aagaard on Pexels.com

A garden home is separate from the home. It’s not attached (usually) and it can be styled in a totally different way to your main property. It’s usually for guests as it will provide one bedroom, a small kitchen that is probably linked to the living room. It makes sense to have an open plan for this just so there is a feeling of more space. It should be seen as about half or maybe two-thirds of the space that a normal ground floor would provide. But what can you do about it? Well, it’s best used as an extra space that can be converted into a different kind of space when needed. It can be a game or entertainment area. Maybe it could be a play area for your small children, or maybe, a guest room. 

An annexe is linked to the main home. This means it will have a hall or corridor that allows the occupant to enter the home directly, from the annexe. Many people might not understand why this is so, but when you see this granny annexe explanation, you’ll understand why. It helps older people to essentially move into your home, without actually, living inside it. They will have their own bedroom, kitchen, bathroom or shower but they won’t have a lounge area or dining room. Usually, this kind of property may cost anywhere from about £5,000 to £30,000. However, the living conditions are excellent and there is a separation that you can create, physically, so you have privacy and space for yourself.

Photo by Kelly Lacy on Pexels.com

The next best option aside from these two is the log cabin. This is great for properties that are by waterfronts such as lakes, rivers, or streams. But it can also double as a cabin for a home that is in the forest or countryside. It’s cheap to build as the materials are essential, insulation in themselves. Logs don’t need insulation like a normal house with hollow walls does. To build a cabin, it might cost anywhere from £5,000 to £15,000. It provides space for one or two people. It can be a two-story building or just a bungalow.

What is your favorite type of outdoor property? We think that space and leisure are a delicate balance, but the cost always plays the deciding role.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month

A month (September 15–October 15) in which the people of the United States honour the achievements of Hispanics.

National Archives Hispanic Heritage Month Site

We celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month to recognize the achievements and contributions of Hispanic American champions who have inspired others to achieve success. Discover documents, exhibits, films, blog posts and more from the National Archives and Presidential Libraries that highlight Hispanic culture. 

Explore the site »

Photo by Min An on Pexels.com

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Spiritual Ways To Boost Your Energy

When we struggle to calm down, it may not necessarily be about the stress in our lives, but the lack of energy. When we break down what energy is, it is, in a spiritual and scientific sense, vibration. In a spiritual sense, vibration is the atmosphere and the energetic quality of a person. You always get a certain energy from somebody when they walk into a room, and on a scientific level, energy is vibration. And so, if you are looking for more spiritual ways to improve your energy or your vibration, how can you do this? 

Photo by Jess Bailey Designs on Pexels.com

The great thing about meditation and breathwork is that it constantly brings you into the present. But not everybody has the concentration to feel the benefits right away. This is why a practice like Tai Chi can be invaluable. It is one of those martial arts that requires focus but is a very cleansing practice. It has an abundance of health benefits, which you can find out more about on the taichiforhealthinstitute.org website. The importance of finding some kind of meditative practice in life will give you more energy. But people who have no interest in martial arts or breathwork can find meditation in the simplest of things. Some people find themselves absorbed in a video game or a sport. Once we get into this frame of mind, we will have greater feelings of peace. Conduct meditation in your own special way. 

We don’t necessarily consider gratitude as an energy booster. But when you start to think about what you are grateful for, it can reduce sensations of anger, which will greatly help you with energy. When you are practicing gratitude, it is impossible to feel anger or fear. Fear and anger are low-energy emotions, so if you start to change your attention to making gratitude a habit, it will change your life. If you need more information on this, you can see the actual scientific benefits of gratitude on happierhuman.com

Blame is something that comes easy to us humans. When we start to forgive others, we will start to feel better, and more energetic. When we learn how to forgive, it stops us from clinging to negative and unimportant emotions. By forgiving, you are starting to stray away from possession and self-absorption. On a very simple human-level, when you start to forgive people, it stops you from hanging on to the negativity in your life. It’s so easy to blame others, and this blame is so exhausting. Start to forgive, and you are freeing yourself, as well as the person you are forgiving.

Toxins like alcohol will contribute to depression and reduce energy levels. When you start to listen to your body and give it what it needs, you will start to feel the energy in more abundance.

To feel better, you can start by feeling happier thoughts. Each negative thought will have an impact on your energy levels. It takes 17 seconds for one positive thought to attract another one similar to it. Bear that in mind the next time you think negative thoughts.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Work on Your Mental Health Today With These Key Hacks

Mental health and well-being is as important as physical health and well-being, if not more so. It is so important to take steps that are going to allow you to improve this process and make sure you come up with some of the best ways of looking after your mental health. There are a lot of factors that can influence this, and it is vital to make sure you come up with some of the best ways of achieving this. 

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You have to work on making the right decisions that will help to shape your future, and this is certainly something that plays a big role in this process. Try to take steps that will allow you to make the right improvements here, and this is a great place to start. Check out these key health hacks to boost mental wellness in 2021 and beyond.

De-stress

De-stressing and unwinding  in your life is one of the most important things that you should be looking to get right as much as possible. There are so many ideas that will help you to make the most of this, and it is definitely something that you need to focus on. There are so many ideas that you can use that will help you to de-stress and relax your mind, and this is definitely something that you have to make the most of right now. Try to focus on the right ways of boosting your mental well-being here, and this is something that can help you achieve this.

Change Your Career

Your career is so often linked to your mental health and well-being, and this is why it is essential to make sure to come up with ideas that will help you to achieve this. Try to make sure you focus on making the right career decisions, and this means switching your career path if necessary. Stressful and high-pressure careers are typically not conducive to positive mental health, so it could be time to make a change.

Keep Fit

Improving your health and fitness is one of the best ways of being able to look after mental health in the process as well. There are so many ideas that play a part in allowing you to achieve this process, and it is important to make the most of this. Joining a gym or health club like Fitness 19 is one of the best ways of being able to work on keeping fit and healthy and making sure you stay in shape. A fit body and a fit mind are intrinsically linked, and this is certainly something you need to get right.

There are [plenty of things that you need to consider when it comes to improving your mental health, and these are some of the key hacks to keep in mind. Make sure you work on doing as much as possible to help you make the most of this moving forward, and there are a lot of ways of achieving this moving forward. You need to make sure you come up with some of the best ways of being able to focus on this in order to achieve success. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Can A Clean House Make You Feel Better?

There’s a lot you can do, in the day-to-day alone, to try and make yourself feel better. For both your mental and physical health’s sake, knowing you can keep your house clean and tidy is a big thing. As a result, you can feel happier, and you can feel healthier (or even alleviate your pain symptoms), and that can really improve your quality of life. But why does a clean house make you feel so much better? Well, here are the main reasons. 

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Cleaning can help to keep you on your feet, and make sure you’re moving on a daily basis – even if you don’t consider it a form of exercise, it’s definitely a good way to keep your legs and arms moving, and your muscles supple, if you’re someone who can’t exercise in a traditional manner. 

Being active in a manner like this is also very productive; you’ll be killing two birds with one stone! You could burn almost 200 calories per hour while cleaning, and also make your space look a lot more organized, which is good for your mental health too. 

The air quality in your home needs to be of good quality, to make sure you’re not coughing on a daily basis, and you’re not feeling stuffy in your nose or your throat. Poor air quality can make any and all chronic conditions you’re already living with worse, especially if you have a respiratory issue. 

When the house is clean and tidy, there are far fewer dust particles in the air. Even getting a proper airflow through your home, by opening windows and turning on the AC, is a great idea. Fresh air is very good for you! 

Indeed, if your central air and heating systems don’t seem to be able to crank it up to high enough levels, it’s a good idea to look into HVAC Repair for your home. There’s a good chance you have a blockage or a breakage somewhere, and that’s going to be hard to fix on your own. 

You’ll Sleep Much Better

For anyone who lives with insomnia, or has a lot of trouble falling asleep thanks to chronic pain, even just making your bed in the morning can mean you get some much better sleep during the night. 

Regularly changing your bedding, and making sure you have a new mattress every 8 years at the least, can help to lower your pain levels and make you feel more comfortable when you climb into bed at night. 

And sleeping better makes taking care of yourself a lot easier too. If you’re rested, and you’re not feeling tired on a permanent basis, you’ll feel a lot more secure and comfortable in yourself. Getting more, better sleep really is a life-changer, and a lot of it is due to a clean house. 

A clean house really can make you feel better, in a variety of ways! 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

The Science Behind CBD Oil That Makes This A Winner

CBD continues to gain in popularity and interests an increasingly wide target. Whether it is to promote relaxation, or even to relieve pain (whether neurological or biological), CBD is today in the limelight. To meet these new expectations, and everyone’s desire to test its virtues, CBD comes in all forms! Among them, cbd is widely acclaimed. Oil as a food supplement or massage oil, each of them has undeniable virtues. Orally, it relieves the ailments of the body. Used in massage, it relieves the joints, muscles but also skin problems. But how do you know which one to use? Are there different types of oils? Let’s discover together the different existing compositions and their manufacturing processes.

The benefits of CBD continue to be recognized around the world. Its miraculous properties now make it possible to provide an alternative and natural solution to a wide audience. Used for well-being, comfort, or even aesthetic purposes, CBD oil is the most popular form because it can be used in multiple ways. This format also promotes rapid absorption in the body.

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What are the different ways of extracting CBD oil? 

To produce CBD oil, it is necessary to extract this cannabinoid from the hemp plant. There are different extraction methods for this. Among the best known we find in particular:

CO2 extraction – Although expensive, it is the extraction method most used by manufacturers because it allows absolute control. This natural gas which is CO2 indeed allows to precisely control the heating temperature and thus ensures to keep all the benefits of CBD once extracted.

Oil extraction – Oil extraction is another alternative, which is completely natural. During oil extraction, oils of different types (animal, vegetable, or mineral) are used, which are also heated. It is then filtered through the hemp plant in order to extract the CBD it contains in the process. This simple and natural process extraction must however be done without overheating so as not to risk altering the beneficial effects of CBD.

The benefits of CBD oil as a dietary supplement 

In the form of capsules or in the form of drops, CBD oil is a dietary supplement that is growing in popularity. We can therefore consume it as a single intake, or by integrating it into our culinary preparations – you can add it into smoothies or other drinks. When it is digested, its benefits will take a little longer to be felt but will act gradually over the long term. 

A massage oil also has interesting properties 

CBD oil is also a great ally when applied to the skin. CBD is great for strengthening hair and nails too! It also makes it possible to treat skin problems whether they are acne problems, eczema or another dermatitis, or various skin lesions. It deeply nourishes and reduces stains and other scars. Used for therapeutic purposes, it can also be applied in a localized manner to the areas that one wishes to treat to relieve painful joints, for example, or after exercise to soothe overworked muscles and soothe the pain.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Let’s Talk About Teen Suicide

How do you know if your teen is suicidal? Most often they aren’t going to tell you or talk about it. If they do, will you understand and know how to help or know where to go for help?

I’m not a doctor and certainly don’t have all the answers but I was a teen on a one-way train down and made my first attempt at suicide as a pre-teen. Teens today have more pressure on them than I can imagine.

When I was that age there was no internet, People Magazine, Access Hollywood, cable, or presence on social media to make you feel extra pressure. Peer pressure was just that, peer pressure. Now pressure comes at teens from a 360-degree angle 24/7 if you don’t monitor their internet and phone activity.

As a proactive measure, I would talk with the school counselor to get an understanding of what types of issues teens are having. What have they’ve experienced and what do they suggest you do to help your teen proactively or if in trouble. Don’t think you have all the answers, you don’t.

If your teen is experiencing depression or is showing signs of anxiety, have them talk with a Therapist or at minimum your General Practitioner. If your doctor is of the opposite sex see if they have a Nurse Practitioner of the same sex to talk with. Often times teens will open up more if they think the person can relate to them. Teens may also share more if you give them the privacy, allow some time by themselves to talk more openly. 

If your teen is suicidal or attempts suicide get help at once. Call a suicide hotline and have your teen talk with someone who might be able to help them, even if temporarily until you can get further help. Worst case scenario, go to the local hospital for help.

Here are a few resources I found. 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teen-suicide/art-20044308

https://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/why-do-teens-commit-suicide-causes-of-teen-suicide

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-student-well-being/202009/america-is-facing-teen-suicide-pandemic

https://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/my-teen-daughter-died-suicide-here-s-what-i-wish-t113837

https://www.apa.org/topics/suicide/prevention-teens

One conversation is not the answer nor is being hyper-vigilant. Work to find a balance by having an open conversation by sharing your concerns, and let them know when you’ll follow up. Keep to your commitment.

At 12 years old, I came minutes away from dying from a suicide attempt. It was not my first or the last, just the most successful.

Communication and observation are the keys.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Do You Want To Be More Organized In Life?

Being organized can be an effective way to minimize stress and make your life easier. However, it can be tricky to know where to start, particularly if being organized isn’t a natural strong point. To help you to implement long-lasting changes, take a look at these five ways you can be more organized in life:

When you’re surrounded by too many things, it can be hard to relax and unwind but, equally, it can be difficult to focus and concentrate. To give yourself a productive environment and calm surroundings, start by decluttering your home. Donating, selling, or discarding the items you no longer need or want will allow you to free up space and make the most of your home. 

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Most people own a car and yet few people are really proactive about the maintenance involved. From knowing when your insurance renewal is due to getting your vehicle serviced, there is a myriad of tasks involved. Start by making sure you have important contact numbers stored on your phone. From a recovery or towing service to your mechanic’s number and the contact details of your insurance company, you should have everything you need on your phone or written down, in case you need it when you’re on the road. Similarly, diarize your vehicle’s service and insurance renewal, so that you can book in advance and get the cheapest cover. 

When you make the best use of your time, you can get more done and increase your productivity levels. Employing a time management strategy can be an easy way to make positive changes in your life. With plenty of software and free apps available, you can take a digital approach to time management and make it work for you. 

People tend to assume that multitasking enables them to operate more efficiently but this is rarely the case. Instead, tasks often get left unfinished because you get distracted by something else, or errors are made because you’re not giving a particular job your full attention. Inevitably, this means that things actually take longer to get done. 

If you want to be more organized and more productive, stop multitasking and try focusing on one thing at a time instead. This allows you to give it your full attention and complete the task more quickly, before moving on to the next one. 

When you’re living a fast-paced life, it can be difficult to keep track of everything. From managing your kid’s social calendar to further your career or running a home, there are endless things to do. However, identifying your priorities can help to streamline your workflows and will ensure that the most important things are always done ahead of time. 

If you want to stay organized, be sure to use habits that are easy to replicate when you’re making your life more structured. Often, it’s the relatively small but sustainable changes that have the biggest impact, so be sure to use these to your advantage as you become more organized. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

My Recent Pain Doctor Experience

Many chronic pain patients have been told there is nothing wrong with them. I had that experience at my last Pain Doctor appointment.

About 12 months ago the pain in my hips was so bad I could only sleep for two hours at a time before I had to get out of bed. I was seeing a fairly new Pain Doctor at the time and he scheduled me for a steroid injection in the front of the hip. It made the pain worse. He then ran a CT Scan to see what was going on.

While I waited for the test results, I did some research and it sounded like Bursitis. So imagine my surprise when he tells me there is nothing wrong and I should talk with my Psychiatrist about why I can’t sleep. I about came off the table, what the hell was he saying?

After making it clear that my sleeping problems were due to pain and had nothing to do with my Psychiatrist, he suggested Physical Therapy. We wrapped up our appointment and he wrote another 30-day script for pain meds.

I was fuming! I was addicted to pain medication but there was no way I would see a doctor who insulted me that way. No doctor should ever tell a patient nothing is wrong with them.

After contacting my Orthopedic Doctor about the hip pain, he scheduled me for a steroid injection in the side of my hip. He said that all problems develop before they show up on an x-ray and that was probably my case. The shot worked for about six weeks, then I had to wait for three months to pass before he could give another injection. So now I’m scheduled for my third round of shots next month. They don’t last three months but it’s better than nothing.

Because my Fibromyalgia has not been flaring up, I decided to go off of pain meds and try to manage with Tylenol. Some days are diamonds, some days are rust. I also have painful leg muscle spasms, neuropathy, and TMJ. I will have to find another Pain Doctor and hope the third time is the charm.

I’m not being Polly Anne about my pain, it’s a BITCH! I just don’t think you want to read about it every week in a post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

How To Find Your Dream Home

We all have a dream home in mind. Even if you don’t exactly know what it looks like, that’s okay. Most of us just know that there’s a certain style of home or caliber of property that we’re aspiring to. Whether it’s something that you want to start thinking about now, or it’s a property that you want to work towards in the future. It’s nice to know exactly what you’ll need to do to be able to make it happen.

If you’ve ever bought a property before, you’ll find that you know what the process is like. It can take time. You may spend months or years trying to find the right place. Or maybe you’re just not sure how to find it. Let’s take a look at what you can do to find the luxury home of your dreams.

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First of all, you might want to think about working with a specialist to help you here. You may find that working with the best real estate agents is going to be the key. They know the market the best and they may even know about houses for sale that aren’t listed yet. This could be the simplest option to start with.

From here, you might want to think about finding an area that you really love. It might be the case that there are certain luxury apartment communities that you know about and want to explore. Knowing the area is always a good start. So this is important to keep in mind.

It could even be that you decide that you want to find the house of your dreams by building it yourself. Sometimes, you just won’t find the house you want already out there. Or maybe you are inspired by a range of properties you’ve seen and you want to combine the things you love? When you build your dream home, you get to bring everything you want together for all the modern conveniences you desire. So this might be the option for you.

Sometimes, you don’t find your perfect home through the traditional route at all. It could be that you actually know which home you want to live in. Maybe it’s in your area or you’ve seen it before. It could be that it’s not actually for sale. But sometimes, you can actually reach out to the owners and make an offer. It’s obviously not the traditional thing to do, but it happens and there is no reason why you can’t ask. Sometimes it will mean that you get to live in the house you’ve always wanted to.

Searching for a luxury home isn’t always a quick process. When you have high standards and you know what you’re looking for, it can take time to find the right place. But with one of these options, you should be able to find your perfect luxury home.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

International Chocolate Day

How the day got started

The history of chocolate can be traced back to 450 B.C., originating from Mesoamerica, present-day Mexico. The word “chocolate” is derived from the Nahuatl word, “chocolatl,” meaning “hot water” and the Aztec word, “xocoatl,” meaning “bitter water.”

About 4,000 years ago, the Olmecs began refining cocoa beans into chocolate, which they used as medicine and as part of customary rituals. Centuries later, chocolate was assimilated into the Mayan culture as a beverage and for concluding important transactions.

Cocoa beans were once perceived as being so valuable that they were used as a currency by the Aztecs, who believed that the beans were a gift from the gods. Its potency was so revered that natives drank it in preparation for war.

According to legend, chocolate found its way to Spain in the 16th century through Hernan Cortes, a Spanish explorer who discovered cocoa during his journey to the Americas. From then on, chocolate soon spread to other parts of Europe.

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I can get into this day any day! I eat a piece of chocolate everyday, it’s good for my health if I don’t eat too much.

Enjoy!

Melinda

Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How To Deal With Anxiety In Work Situations

Work situations are difficult to navigate sometimes. Anxiety sets in and you may feel as if you are sinking. Thankfully there are ways to ease your stress. From breathing techniques, to yoga, and more, there are ways to help reduce your stress. You may have already looked at CBD and other types of cannabis and in this case you may want to look at Budder Bongs, but you should always be responsible. 

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Sometimes the problems with work are borne out of social activities in the workplace. In order to be comfortable with your co-workers, try to expand your comfort zone. Consciously try to create small talk with people you meet throughout the day: at lunch, in the elevator or in the coffee corner. Try to initiate short conversations or flatter when the place is in place. Such behavior will teach others that you are an accessible person and can be talked to. Remember that it is not so important to say the right thing, it is more important to be present. People are usually more comfortable with who they know.

Conversation with authority figures

Those who suffer from social anxiety may have difficulty talking to their supervisor. Any communication with your manager may be difficult for you. You may have difficulty with the simplest questions, it is common for people with social anxiety to try to get away with asking and finding out with the manager the information they need. Unfortunately, avoiding a conversation with the manager can impair your functioning and the manner in which the task is fulfilled: you will find yourself working long hours in a way that will ultimately not be to the satisfaction of your superiors.

Meetings and work meetings

If you feel uncomfortable in meetings – try to get to the meeting a quarter of an hour earlier so you can meet others when they arrive. Most people who suffer from social anxiety and shyness come to meetings late so that they do not have to socialize with others. But this behavior only makes you feel more isolated and stressed. During meetings, try to remember that others must also feel uncomfortable and have difficulty speaking. Quite a lot of people actually have difficulty expressing their opinions. If you take the initiative and speak first, it will reassure the rest and they will appreciate and respect you for it. Try to replace the negative thought with a more accurate, or more helpful thought: “I’m usually good enough in meetings.” Even if this mental exercise feels strange and strange to you, over time it will reduce your insecurity in work meetings. You will soon start to make a shift and feel more confident.

Social events

Workplaces usually hold social events that you are expected to attend. Company trips, zoom parties, joint video photography, farewell party, conferences. The human resources department works hard to connect the employees and for most of them a fun day is really fun. For people with social anxiety these events can be particularly difficult – they expose their social shame – their difficulty in feeling comfortable.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How To Tackle Common Causes Of Anxiety

You only have to listen to the headlines or read the newspaper to see that anxiety levels are rising and a growing number of people are experiencing stress. In this guide, we’ll discuss some common causes of stress and anxiety and offer tips to help you cope. 

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Unemployment is one of the most talked-about subjects at the moment, with many people losing their jobs or businesses and others struggling to hang on in theirs. Balancing the books is challenging at the best of times when you’re trying to manage a household or raise kids, but the pandemic has exacerbated difficulties and made staying in the black virtually impossible for some. If you’re experiencing financial strain, or you’ve lost your job, there is help out there. Don’t hesitate to seek advice about incentives or support measures that are available to you during the crisis and look for opportunities to increase your income if your workload is reduced or you’ve lost your job. From Forex Trading, to online courses,  blogging to temporary jobs, it’s possible to find solutions, even if they are only a short-term option to tide you over. It’s also beneficial to try and reduce spending on non-essential items and to budget to make your money stretch further and to find out about programs that could prevent you from getting into debt in the weeks ahead. Some companies are offering freezes on loan and credit card payments, for example. 

Relationships can make or break us. While some relationships lift our spirits and make us feel secure and content, others can have a negative impact. Break-ups are tough and it can take a long time to come to terms with the fact that you’re moving in a direction that is different from the one you expected to take. You might have envisioned spending your entire life with a partner, only to find that you’re now on your own. Take your time to process what has happened and to heal. Lean on the people closest to you and try to focus on the present, rather than the past. Often, relationships don’t work, and once you have a sense of perspective and time has passed, you realize that there was a good reason for parting. Let yourself feel and experience emotions and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get on with life, start dating or stop feeling upset about the situation. Move at your own pace. Everyone copes in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to deal with relationship breakdowns. 

Do you feel like you’re swimming against the tide, or do you dread the alarm going off every morning? It’s rare to find a job you enjoy every minute of every day, but work shouldn’t be a source of severe stress or anxiety. If you are feeling under pressure, or you’re struggling to switch off, talk to your boss about your workload, address issues that are getting to you and take some time out. It’s crucial to have a balance and to enjoy downtime. Learn to say no. If you’re already working too many hours without pay, or your to-do list is endless, don’t take on more work or sign yourself up for extra commitments after work. Rest, relax and look after yourself. 

Stress and anxiety are rife at the moment. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. There are myriad causes, but help is available. Don’t hesitate to reach out and try and take care of yourself as best you can. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

September Is Pain Awareness Month

The month of September has been declared Pain Awareness Month. Pain Awareness Month is a time when various organizations work to raise public awareness of issues in the area of pain and pain management. The first Pain Awareness Month was in 2001, when the ACPA led a coalition of groups to establish September as Pain Awareness Month.

Early on in my marriage I asked my husband to join me on many of my medical appointments. At the time it was to get a better understanding of my Bipolar Disorder but it continued and was critical when I became so sick with Lyme Disease. By having him in the appointments he could hear first hand what the diagnosis was and the treatment plan or lack of. 

This information became critical, now I don’t have to explain what is wrong with me, he hear’s it first hand. I can now share what I’m going thru versus falling on ears who don’t fully understand. 

I highly encourage you to include a partner or a loved one with you to critical illness appointments, it can make a world of difference. It has lifted a heavy burden of my back and I don’t wake up feeling guilty anymore. 

Here are a few organizations who advocate and support chronic pain patients. 

U.S. Pain Foundation

Pain Connection

PainPathways Magazine

International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP) 

NIH Pain Consortium 

International Pain Foundation

American Chronic Pain Association

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Survivor

My Father’s Suicide

I was 28 years old when my father committed suicide. I received a call around 10:30 on a Sunday night from my gramps saying my dad had done away with himself. I was in disbelief and called right back, was he dead or on the way to the hospital? He was dead. Shotgun thru the mouth.

My dad had been telling me for almost six months he was going to kill himself, trust me when I say you can’t talk to someone out of suicide who has made up their mind, I tried every time while crying with tears. My dad was delusional on our phone calls, saying someone was recording his phone conversations and was out to get him.

He was so mentally unstable he had not been able to work and was running out of money, I found this out later. But he did say he was having money problems so I paid all his bills but things didn’t change.

He would call yelling, hysterical that he didn’t want to live and was going to take his life. There aren’t any Red Gun laws in our state so I could not call the police to go take any guns away from him. I didn’t know for sure he had any.

This delusional talk went on for months until the night he made good on his word. I wasn’t surprised but you still don’t want to believe.

I rushed to my grandparent’s house, they had already been notified by the police. My dad clearly stated in his note to go to the house personally to tell them. He knew my granny would be broken into pieces and she was inconsolable. Her only child was dead. Because of my overwhelming guilt, I told everyone daddy told me he was going to kill himself, I needed them to know. Nobody said anything.

I was given a copy of his note saying that I had to take care of everything including a couple of people to call. He said he couldn’t live on this earth any longer, he was in too much pain. the truth is my father had Bipolar Disorder and had a mental breakdown. It had the number of the Suicide Hotline number at the top of the page but they couldn’t tell me if he called. 

Going to his house the next day was shocking! It was in total disarray, dishes in the sick, no food in the fridge, papers strung out all over the living room. He had his bible out turned to Job with tear stains and my parent’s divorce papers by his lockbox. In his lockbox was every card I had ever given him since I was a child.

His bedroom was more organized except beside his bed. There were seven boxes of cassette tapes on the floor. I knew these were recordings he had made of what he thought were people tracking his calls. I listened to every one of those tapes, tears rolling down my face, only hearing my dad talking and background noise. He heard nothing, it was in his head.

The bathroom door was shut, no doubt covered in blood from floor to ceiling. I wanted to go in to confirm he was dead but my granny said if I went she would too and I could not let her see that.

My gramps and one of his friends cleaned the bathroom the following day. We didn’t know there were companies you could call who would clean for you. I don’t know how my gramps did it, how he was able to clean the blood of his step-son after his death. He is the strongest man I know.

You can’t imagine how hard it is to have a closed casket service. You can’t process they are truly dead and it haunts you.

My granny was never the same, she was numb for years but even after her grieving, she was lost without her son.

You are never the same after a loved one commits suicide even if had a troubled relationship which we did. We basically stopped talking except for the holidays after I moved out of his house. There is much more to the story of living there that I have not talked about. I will say he was one of my abusers.

I forgave my father. It didn’t make things right, he was mentally ill. I haven’t forgotten but have forgiven him.

I’m not saying don’t try to talk someone out of suicide, please do! Many people don’t really want to and are crying out for help, you can give or get that for them. If they do carry out their plan to end their life, please try not to carry the guilt too long, talk to a therapist. 

I’m here if you need to talk. 

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How You Can Help Others Deal With Stress

You might have noticed something different about someone close to you recently. Perhaps they seem a little more closed off than usual, or maybe you’re just noticing that things they used to enjoy, don’t seem to do it anymore. It could be any number of things, but if you know that life is getting them super stressed lately, this is probably the answer. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some of the things that you can do to help someone close to you deal with stress.

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The first thing that we think you should do is offer to listen. Sometimes, people who are suffering with stress just need to talk about what they are feeling. Often, coming up with a solution to help someone who is stressed out won’t be possible, especially seeing as a lot of the causes are things that they don’t always have the power to change. Of course, if they can change them, then you should absolutely suggest that they do. However, it is far more important that you listen to what they have to say and make them feel heard, rather than offering advice. You will often find that they know what they should do, but they still need to speak to someone about the way they are feeling. Be that person for them. Offer them your shoulder.

While it may not always be possible to get rid of the thing that is stressing them out, you can still help them by finding the things that help them cope with stress better. For example, you could get them into sport of some kind and do it together. Or, you could look into some herbal remedies that may help reduce the stress and purchase some weed pipes to make the experience a bit better. It really depends on what the person close to you finds relaxing. You’ve just got to remember that not everything is going to work, so don’t get too frustrated when you’re going through the trial and error phase.

Image Credit – CC0 Licence

Finally, you should never make fun of the problems that somebody is experiencing. This is harsh, and it will make them go into a shell and never want to speak to anyone about their issues again. Don’t try to make light of the situation. Don’t tell them that they are overreacting. Don’t compare their life to yours and tell them why they shouldn’t be stressed. None of this is going to be helpful. Just be supportive, that is what they need the most.

Hopefully, now you understand some of the things that you can do to help those close to you deal with stress. It’s a hard thing to cope with at the best of times, and if it’s getting too much for them, you need to support them as much as you can. It’s going to be difficult for them to admit, so be patient, and above all, be kind. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Moving Forward

September Chronic Illness Writing Prompts

The September Chronic Illness Writing Prompts is the brain child of A Chronic Voice and anyone can join in and we all try to learn from each other’s life experiences. We all have a story to tell and they are all worth telling. 

This month’s writing prompts are Gazing, Shaming, Defeating, Concentrating, and Empowering. I chose three this month. 

 

 

Concentrating is a great word for this month because I’m doing a lot of it. Several months ago my Pain Doctor insulted me by saying I should talk with my Psychiatrist about my pain since nothing was showing up on the CT Scan. I fired him and did a self withdrawal from pain pills. I’m working hard to manage the pain with just Tylenol. I’m trying to sense it coming on, what the triggers are and when I need to stop and rest. Some nights, it’s getting out of bed and waiting until I can fall asleep again. Some days it’s just pain. 

My focus each day is on what I can do not what I can’t. The world around us can be so negative and full of noise, I work hard to shut it out. As many of you know I’m rarely on Social Media and that is by design. If I spend too much time surfing and chatting I can’t get my writing done without putting in extra hours to do it. The extra time can trigger my pain or cut into my resting time and I have to concentrate on my mental and physical health. 

I think this approach leaves me centered and aware of my body and what it needs. 

 

I bought an Amazon Halo device that can track many things but I use it for sleep and activity tracking. It’s been an eye-opener to see my sleep patterns and habits. I know how much time it takes to fall asleep, how much light, REM, and deep sleep I get each night. It shows me how many times I wake up and how long I’m awake. It even shows my body temperature. 

The activity tracker is the most motivating, it gives you a number to reach for the week and each day shows you where you are. It tracks light, moderate, and intense activity and subtracts points for being sedentary. This is where I get dinged. I make a goal to do a little better than the day before on my activity level. Today I mopped the floor, boy that’s been a while. That’s moderate exercise and I scored points for the work. 

I don’t need a tracker to make me feel good about what I accomplish each day but it’s a nice passive friend to nudge me to do more if I can. It doesn’t talk back and can’t unfollow me. 

I’m looking outward, onward, down the line, after the pandemic and life returns to a normal I can function in. My car is three years old and doesn’t even have 400 miles on it, it has a lot of living to do. I was dealing with my Immune Disorder and a great deal of pain when we purchased it and then COVID hit.  

There are plans to visit the park and take photos with my new camera, hell just learn how to operate my new camera. I can’t wait to taste my favorite Plum smoothie again, eat in a restaurant, even stop for ice cream or gelato. A stop to visit the nature center is also on my list. I’ve lived here for over 30 years and have not visited, it’s about time. 

Melinda