Your Garden needs gentle care and attention throughout the year. Of course, in the spring and summer, we clean away the winter debris, ready for outdoor parties and barbecues. Or simply just to relax in your little private space.
However, when the winter is coming upon us, leaves from a Fall, as well as the severe weather, can cause damage to your garden. It is very important that you take a couple of steps to get your garden looking gorgeous.
Throughout the autumnal months, there will be many leaves falling, and a lot of rain too. It is very easy for your garden to go from clean and tidy to look a little bit messy, and it eventually will become hard to keep tidy.
Head out and pick up all of the debris; then set it aside because you can use this for a protective layer of mulch for your seedlings.
Take a pair of shears or some secateurs and strip away any loose or dead branches.
Furniture
If you have furniture in your garden, it is a great idea now to buy some furniture covers; this can protect your furniture when the weather gets more severe. Bring your furniture over the winter months also makes it much easier to clean when springtime comes around.
Now is also the perfect time to cover your barbecue or put it in the shed, ready for use next year.
Pond
Depending on what type of pond, you will change how you need to prepare it for the winter months. If you have wildlife in your pond, it is essential that you prepare it correctly for the winter months. Getting a pond maintenance services company out to check over your pond it’s a great idea and can avoid any costly repairs or severe damage over the winter months.
Bottom to top
You must start at the bottom and work your way up. Sweep up as much as possible, and also, it is a great time to scrub your patio or your decking. This will mean there is limited damage or weathering over the fall and winter months.
To clean your decking, you simply need to have a firm, stiff brush your brush and apply pressure or use a pressure washer. The pressure washer, of course, being in the fastest way to clean those stains.
If you have plans that are dead or dying, you might have many planters that can be good and used for springtime planting. Remove all of the dead or dying plants and their roots and put them into your compost if you have one.
Welcome to the weekend edition of Today in History. I’m so glad you’re enjoying the post. Have an awesome weekend.
1847
Outlaw Jesse James is born in Missouri
Seen by some as a vicious murderer and by others as a gallant Robin Hood, the famous outlaw Jesse Woodson James is born on September 5, 1847, in Clay County, Missouri. Jesse and his older brother Franklin lost their father in 1849, when the Reverend Robert James abandoned his …read more
1958
“Doctor Zhivago” is published in the U.S.
Boris Pasternak’s romantic novel, Doctor Zhivago is published in the United States. The book was banned in the Soviet Union, but still won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1958. Pasternak was born in Russia in 1890, and by the time of the Russian Revolution was a well-known …read more
1972
Massacre begins at Munich Olympics
During the 1972 Summer Olympics at Munich, in the early morning of September 5, a group of Palestinian terrorists storms the Olympic Village apartment of the Israeli athletes, killing two and taking nine others hostage. The terrorists were part of a group known as Black …read more
1914
French general gives order to attack at the Marne
On the evening of September 5, 1914, General Joseph Joffre, commander in chief of the French army during World War I, readies his troops for a renewed offensive against the advancing Germans at the Marne River in northeastern France, set to begin the following morning. With the …read more
1877
Sioux military leader Crazy Horse is killed
Oglala Sioux leader Crazy Horse is fatally bayoneted by a U.S. soldier after resisting confinement in a guardhouse at Fort Robinson, Nebraska. A year earlier, Crazy Horse was among the Sioux leaders who defeated George Armstrong Custer’s Seventh Cavalry at the Battle of Little …read more
Whether it be changed to your lifestyle, health or career – Now is a time perfect to change, and here are some of the ways you can make a change in your life next year for the better.
By now, most of us are sick of our own homes. Being stuck inside for almost a year has been hard for all of us and many of us have already started to look at houses and apartment rentals in our area. If you want to make a fresh start next year, moving house isn’t a bad idea. Let go of the bad memories of the past and move forward in a positive way by buying or renting a better living space for yourself. Being able to live somewhere new can do wonders for your mental health.
If you want to make a positive change to your physical and mental health in 2021, you need to get up and get moving. There are lots of ways you can stay fit without the need for a gym, and here are just a few of the things you can try:
One great way to make a change to your life without committing to anything crazy is changing your diet in small ways. From substituting white for brown bread and rice; to eating less meat and dairy; there are many brilliant things you can do to change your diet for the better. Consider finding foods that are good for the gut and for your heart such as sweet potatoes and peppers, and add these things to your diet more for a healthier body. You don’t have to overhaul your whole diet right away, just make small changes as you go.
We all need to have hobbies in our lives. When you spend all of your time working, eating, and sleeping – you will soon become bored with your life and your mental health can plummet. Change up your daily routine by spending time doing something new. It could be baking, writing, painting, a new sport, or anything you like. Bring something new into your life that you haven’t tried before and this could open you up to so much more in the future.
Making changes to your life in 2021 is a great idea and will change your life for the better.
We’ve got a podcast! We are excited to share our first episode of the Rethinking Pain Podcast: Where Science & Healing Meet!
This show is brought to you by Lin Health and is hosted by Shannon Dougherty, a former chronic pain patient. Join us while Shannon explores stories of recovery and hope and shares the latest in pain science research as she interviews experts and patients alike. Tune in to hear Shannon and Charlie Merrill (MSPT) talk about pain management and neurology (and subscribe to our channel so you don’t miss an episode!). Listen on Apple PodcastWatch on YouTube Warmly, Abigail Hirsch, Ph.D Co-founder, Lin Health Dr.Abigail@lin.health
I can’t wait to listen to what Shannon and Charlie have to say about pain management.
Stress can be a huge factor in our lives that drags us down and makes everything ten times more difficult. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about stress outside of just running away from it unless you deal with the root cause.
When it comes to working at home, there are countless things that can cause stress which affects our productivity and makes it hard for us to focus on our tasks. This can result in extremely unproductive days that we look back on and feel extremely bad about. So in this post, we’re going to talk about how you can keep your stress levels low when you work from home.
One of the first things to deal with is distractions. Make absolutely sure that you keep distractions at bay by understanding where they come from and why they happen. For instance, if you find that your dog is restless whenever you start working, consider taking them out for a walk and feeding them before you get started so they spend their energy and laze around. Similarly, if you find that you keep getting distracted by the TV, turn it off! If you can’t focus on something in the background, get rid of it (if possible!) and work in silence if you have to.
A lot of people forget that taking breaks is important when it comes to working from home. They don’t realize that taking a break helps to reset your mind and gives you an opportunity to catch up with other tasks. This could include returning phone calls, it could involve feeding your cat, or it could just be to stretch and walk around to give your legs a break. If you’re not already taking breaks, make sure you start doing it regularly!
It’s also a good idea to start working in a comfortable environment. Make sure that your chair is comfortable and that your posture is supported. You should consider looking at companies such as obVus Solutions to find ergonomic devices and accessories that will help you work from home without causing pain and stress on your body. A lot of us find it hard to adapt to a work-at-home environment because it’s different from our offices that are designed around healthy ergonomics, hence why many of us feel stressed when we’re stuck at home.
It’s also a good idea to separate leisure and work if you have to work from home. Sure, a lot of people answer phone calls, chat with friends, and even listen to music when they work from home. However, these things can lead to distractions and they might bleed into your regular work schedule, making you less productive. As such, you should try to separate your work and leisure as much as possible before your work tasks end up merging with your free time at home.
We, humans, are complicated creatures capable of expressing thousands of emotions. This site shows you that anxiety and stress are common across the natural world, and animals have many ways of showing it. Unfortunately for us, humans can also be very good at hiding those emotions too, so it isn’t always possible to tell how a loved one or friend is feeling. Here are a few common signs that may suggest your friend is feeling more anxious or stressed than normal.
If you have noticed that small things seem to be bothering your friend more than usual, this could be a symptom of stress or anxiety. The Calm Clinic suggests that irritability is a common sign of anxiety and can cause people to unexpectedly get upset or even lash out. If your friend has displayed these symptoms, do not be afraid to quietly and sympathetically tell them you have noticed a difference in their behavior and ask if there is anything you can do to help. They may not have noticed the change yet themselves, so give them time and space if they need it to think about their behavior and any reasons that might be causing them to feel more irritable.
Not Sleeping
If your colleague at work is constantly reaching for the coffee, making silly mistakes, and looking exhausted, they may not be getting enough sleep. Anxiety and stress can throw off sleep patterns very quickly. According to Medical News Today, the link between stress and sleep deprivation is very common, with only 35% of Americans getting the correct amount of sleep. A lack of sleep can cause mental health problems to worsen and deepen, so sleep deprivation must be tackled. Again, this is a case of having a quiet word and asking if there is anything that keeps them up at night. If there is a worry often sharing it confidentially can help a friend to put things into perspective. Assure your friend that any discussions can be confidential, and you would only ever break confidentiality if you were worried they may harm themselves or others.
Diet Changes
Our diet can fluctuate wildly due to stress and anxiety. Some people may overeat or reach for junk food over healthier options. Others swing the other way and may cut out food altogether. Of course, dietary changes are not always linked to mental health. Only raise the question with a friend if you feel the pattern has been sustained over a substantial period, and if you suspect stress or anxiety may be the trigger for the dietary shift. You can help someone by offering to cook meals or to share lunches with them. Even a few meals in a freezer that they can reach for when they don’t have the energy to cook can make a huge difference to someone’s overall well-being.
If your friend does let you know that they are feeling more anxious or stressed than usual, then reassure your friend that there are easy steps you can both take together which will help. Look online for expert advice and positive stories from those who have been in similar situations.
September is Suicide Prevention Month and I’ve written several posts about my experiences with suicide including my own attempt at 12 years old.
I had been contemplating suicide since I was nine years old but today was different. It was the summer I moved to live with my father, I was 12 years old and home alone.
I raided my dad’s medicine cabinet and took all the pills I could find then grabbed a bottle of Southern Comfort and started drinking.
As I got drunk and the pills started to work so I decided to go next door and talk with my neighbor. Not to share my plan but I was higher than a kite.
We continued talking and she noticed I appeared more than drunk and noticed a red line going up my arm. She asked if I had taken anything and I said yes, I planned to die.
She called my father who was 30 minutes away, by the time he got there I was in pretty bad shape. I was rushed to the hospital and my stomach was pumped.
A failed attempt.
It is important to understand that anyone can reach a point so low they consider suicide at any age. The best thing you can do is look for signs someone may be depressed and getting too low or suicidal.
Here are a few of my own thoughts:
Withdrawn
Lashing Out
Failing Grades when a good student
Talks about dying
Starts giving away their personal belongings
Cashes out their back accounts
Jumps right on a task that has been overdue with enthusiasm
These are from my personal experience with suicide including my father’s.
If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact one of the resources below, a local resource, or go to your local hospital.
These are stories I’ve never discussed before on WordPress and only share for Overdose Awareness Day because they are important for parents to realize how young kids are exposed to and take drugs. Most kids, luckily won’t have my upbringing but they do get exposed every day at school or social gatherings.
I took drugs for the first time at 9 years old, a Black Molly, or speed as they called it. This started a habit that culminated in becoming an addict at 12 years old.
My parents were divorced and I visited my father every other weekend, he would take me clubbing with him and would ask these two women friends to keep an eye on me. They sure did. The very first time I met them I was offered a Black Molly or a Quaalude, Molly’s sounded better so that was my choice. I later tried Qualudes but they were too much of a downer for me, I liked to feel high. This pattern continued until I was almost 13 years old.
It wasn’t long before I was smoking pot, no big deal, right? After doing hard drugs, how bad was pot?
In sixth grade with rage was huffing paint to get high, it had to be silver or gold paint, I don’t recall why. I remember going across the street from school and huffing before the bell. If my memory serves me right, it didn’t do much for me, mostly a headache. Then it was huffing deodorant, that didn’t do anything except leaving you to explain why you had an extra washcloth at P.E. class.
I went to live with my dad when I was 12 years old, and my life took a serious turn for the worse. Not only were we going to clubs on a weekly basis, but we also went to parties where everything was on the table.
My father would buy me pot to keep me home and off the streets. That only worked for so long.
He introduced me to a crowd of kids/young adults who hung out at the 7-11 store. They became my new crowd. I met a guy much older than me and we started dating, as it turned out he was a drug dealer. So every week I had my choice of extra special drugs on top of the pot he bought. I sometimes chose Acid. Let’s just say Acid is great until you have a bad trip, and I did. Acid can last up to 12 hours and can be a total nightmare if tripping. Most of the time I chose speed, that was my go-to drug of choice.
Every week he would buy a kilo of pot and we would sit on the living room floor of his apartment with newspaper spread out, baggies, a mister, and scale. Back then you could buy a four-finger bag for just $10. Imagine that! We would separate all the seeds, then be sure to add some back in each bag for extra weight. Then it was off to selling, mostly to the crowd, and of course, you keep your stash.
Mind you, I’m 12 years old.
My addiction grew and now I was taking speed every day on top of the other drugs I was doing. This went on for 10 months. In that time I skipped school for 34 days and spent three days in a Juvenile Detention Center. I spent a night in jail for being in a car with a friend who was pulled over and caught with stolen credit cards. My father wouldn’t answer the phone so I spent a night in a jail cell.
I was put on probation for carrying a gun and had to see a Probation Officer once a month. For seven months I never spoke one word to her. She said the state was looking for a camp for girls who can’t be reformed to send me to. Her name was Ruth, she was so committed. She kept telling me I had potential and that I could be reformed.
On the eight-month, I said okay, find me a place that’s not a camp and I’ll go. The state took custody of me and I spent the next year in a boarding school for bad girls at a convent. I was forced to go cold turkey with my addiction, with only the help of God.
This isn’t an overdose story but it could have easily been. I write about my overdose/suicide attempt for Suicide Prevention Month later this week.
I hope someone will benefit from this story, it is one I don’t share lightly.
Pop sensation Michael Jackson is born on August 29, 1958, in Gary, Indiana. Jackson began performing with his four brothers in the pop group the Jackson 5 when he was a child. The group scored its first No. 1 single in 1969, with “I Want You Back.” By age 11, Jackson was …read more
Atahuallpa, the 13th and last emperor of the Incas, dies by strangulation at the hands of Francisco Pizarro’s Spanish conquistadors. The execution of Atahuallpa, the last free reigning emperor, marked the end of 300 years of Inca civilization. High in the Andes Mountains of Peru, …read more
At a remote test site at Semipalatinsk in Kazakhstan, the USSR successfully detonates its first atomic bomb, code name “First Lightning.” In order to measure the effects of the blast, the Sov
On August 29, 1982, the Swedish-born actress and three-time Academy Award winner Ingrid Bergman dies of cancer on her 67th birthday. Bergman, who was best known for her role as Ilsa Lund in Casablanca, created an international scandal in 1950 when she had a son with the Italian …read more
Ishi, who was described as the last surviving member of the Native Amercain Yahi tribe, is discovered in California on August 29, 1911. By the first decade of the 20th century, Euro-Americans had so overwhelmed the North American continent that scarcely any Native Americans …read more
Personal budgeting is a powerful tool, but few know its value. You see, most people get upset when they hear that they have to make a budget for their expenses. It is associated with discomfort, headache. Just as it is linked diet to hunger and limited food, this is because most people only resort to budgeting when things get tough and there are difficulties, just like with someone who, because he has gained a lot of weight, decides to lose weight. But this is not precisely the case. A personal budget is a necessary tool that each of us must learn to use in our lives. Its mission is not to make you limit your expenses, but to help you set aside more money or spend it more efficiently.
Most people who do not have a budget end up spending more than they need each month. But this exaggeration has significant implications as it limits their future economic power. The result is that they have less money left, but also create more fixed costs if the purchases are made with installments and credit cards. But when you plan how much you will spend each month and know in advance where they will go, it is easier to restrain yourself and realize when you are overdoing it. For this reason, make your own personal budget so that you know where you are. If you have types of subscriptions, then look at reassessing them. If you have car costs, then look at honest car service to ensure that you are always keeping the necessities at a lower price.
Helps you achieve your goals
A personal budget is essentially a plan that helps you prioritize where you spend your money. This means that when you create an account, you are essentially shifting your focus to the things that matter most to you. This can be repaying a loan, raising enough money to get a home, or starting your own business. The budget essentially creates the plan that you will follow and allows you to monitor your progress.
Helps you save
People who do not use budgets will not have as much money in savings. Also, planning how you will spend your money each month helps you to avoid infringing on your existing savings. By doing things this way, you can gradually increase the money you have set aside. And the more that you save, the more you will start to feel more comfortable with your finances and of course your future. This will assist you with your home too.
Helps you be flexible
Budget work is to help you be flexible. By recording the income and expenses in detail, you can see how you can transfer money from one expense category to another. It also helps you identify issues that may arise and make the necessary adjustments.
Helps you stay in control
If you feel that you do not have control over your finances and you are always wondering where your money and salary have disappeared, your budget will help you to recover it. By setting your financial priorities and seeing on paper how you spend your money during the month, you better understand habits and patterns that hurt you. This way, it is easier to know where to stop. Having a definite plan for the month, you know what to do and what not to do, and it is easier to think about the future. Make your plans and prepare. The budget is probably the most essential tool you need to change your financial future and gives you the power to make changes right away.
It’s simple
Personal budgeting is not difficult to set up. We are not talking about a budget drawn up by a multinational or a state, where the responsibilities are significant, and the variables are many. We are talking about the account that will help you maintain order in your finances.
So if you start using it regularly, you will see that it is something simple. You can make it even easier and instead of using pen and paper, take advantage of technological advances using a corresponding application. As with anything new, you may be skeptical or feel that you do not have to bother analyzing your finances. But try it for a few months. As you apply it, you will see that you will become more familiar and it will be easier for you to manage your money properly.
This is a very interesting and timely story considering today is International Dog Day. I’ve lost many pets over the years and can tell you it’s taking me a long time to get over my pets. Some I still miss desperately today.
Dallas came into my life at eight weeks old when I was only 19. The small brown bundle of rolls and wrinkles that clumsily paraded around my house with oversized paws never had any chance of developing into what most would consider a classically “good dog.” As he grew into his oversized appendages as a 115-pound lap dog, I was also developing through the tumultuous stage of emerging adulthood. As my social, occupational and personal identities solidified, Dallas remained a constant denominator across each dimension of my self-identity. I was a “dog owner,” and most who knew me were unable to picture me without my enormous and drooly companion at my side.
As life progressed, Dallas effortlessly provided the unconditional positive regard that so many counselors strive to exude to clients. He was present during graduations, new jobs, loss of family members and personally devastating health diagnoses. Whether I was joyous or tormented, Dallas was there to share in my experience and offer the validation I needed through his droopy brown eyes.
Eventually our family was complete when I met my now fiancée, a veterinary student at the time in the university where I was receiving my master’s in counseling. She promptly told me that Dallas was overweight and kindly pointed out other ways I could best serve Dallas. As we reached relationship milestones and eventually added another companion animal, Willett, Dallas seemed to become even more joyful and content.
Dallas (Photo courtesy of Corban Smith)
Dallas gets diagnosed
In the 11 years leading up to August 2019, Dallas had survived dozens of mischievous acts that threatened his well-being. So much so that although I knew his life eventually would come to an end, I couldn’t envision a world where anything could cause his demise. One morning that began as any other, I took Dallas outside to produce his abnormally large morning “business” deposits. I heard him emit a strange noise and looked down to see him convulsing on the grass. As he continued to seize, I held him as I never had before. Covered in morning dew, grass and dirt, I had never felt so helpless. I screamed for my partner, and once Dallas emerged from his postictal phase, we took him to his veterinarian.
The news was grim. Given my financial status, the veterinarian advised against costly diagnostic techniques, reasoning that I likely would be unable to afford the likewise costly treatments for whatever was discovered. He concluded that Dallas likely had a sinister brain tumor lurking in his furry brown head and said we should focus on making his remaining time with us as comfortable as possible. As the first pains of grief and guilt set in, I began experiencing shame that I could not afford to give Dallas the care that might prolong our time together just a little longer.
Armed with anti-seizure medication and the terrifying knowledge that Dallas would, in fact, no longer be with me one day, I began one of the most stressful years of my life. A pattern soon developed in Dallas’ symptom management. He would have an extended period of time with no symptoms, then a breakthrough seizure would emerge in the middle of the night like an evil intruder. My partner, now Dallas’ primary veterinarian, would reassess his medication, and the cycle would continue. Slowly, the periods of well-being shortened, and the breakthrough seizures increased in intensity.
This slow end-of-life process was excruciatingly unpredictable and painful as I began to experience a feeling of learned helplessness. Each evening, I crawled into bed terrified that at some point in the night, I would hear the initial gag that signaled an episode. During the day, I walked around the house dreading the discovery of puddles from postictal incontinence. I lamented this emotional roller coaster immensely. Periods of health were bright spots in my life, while breakthrough seizures were increasingly darker reminders of reality. I knew eventually, I would have to say the words: “This is it.”
The event
The gagging and thrashing noise signaling a seizure came, as it always did, in the middle of the night, just when I imagined that things were OK. This one felt different though. Not only did it last longer and cause more confusion afterward, but the unsettling truth that Dallas was at his maximum dosage for medication signified that this was, in fact, “it.” We waited apprehensively with a semblance of hope to see if another seizure came. Previous recurrent seizures had presented eight hours after the first; this next round came in just four.
Making the decision that this particular day would be Dallas’ final day was shamefully easy. A combination of emotional exhaustion, stress surrounding the impending doom, and the reality of treatment limitations all likely contributed. My partner was forced to go and work at the practice where we would remind Dallas that he was a “good boy” for the last time, while I got the privilege of spending Dallas’ last day with him. I was disassociated from what was coming later that day and treated it as simply any other day for Dallas. In between additional seizures that day, Dallas got to play his favorite game, “What Won’t Dallas Eat?” We lay on the couch and watched The Fifth Element(the movie in which Dallas’ namesake, Korben Dallas, is the protagonist) while his sister, Willett, licked his ears, attempting to rid his head of any hint of ill will. Eventually, the time came to load up, and I experienced the first sense of loss that snapped me back to reality. Leaving Willett behind, I told her, “We’ll be back,” then quickly amended that statement to “I’ll be back,” tears forming in my eyes.
I had experienced euthanasia of a pet only once before, when I was a little boy. I was transported back to my younger self on that day, attempting to organize thoughts of death and meaning of life in an intellectual way instead of experiencing the present pain. What had made this unavoidable outcome cognitively distant was Dallas’ presentation when he was not seizing. Even in the euthanasia room, Dallas presented in his usual demeanor. He happily ate Cheez Whiz sprayed on the floor for him, selflessly sharing the remnants on the clothes and faces of my partner’s co-workers as they came in one by one to say goodbye. Eventually, we were left alone with him.
My partner and I sat there, attempting to say our final goodbyes while Dallas tried to reassure us that everything would be OK. My partner was forced to take on the role of veterinarian in telling me what to expect. She kindly outlined the euthanasia process, as I am sure she had previously with countless other mourning owners, but her voice was shaky, and tears were forming in her eyes. Another veterinarian timidly knocked on the door and asked if we were ready. I shakily answered “yes” but truly was not. She knelt next to Dallas and began administering the chemical as I tried to remember every detail of my beloved companion lying on the floor. In true Dallas fashion — being the dog that could handle anything and survive — it took an extra dose of the lethal concoction for him to pass into the next world. Once my fiancée’s co-worker told us Dallas was gone, I embraced him wholly, one last time, and then truly broke down in a way that only a deep loss can provoke.
The Grief Process
Grief truly is a unique and unavoidable part of the human experience. We are all forced into grief through loss at some point in our lives. I had experienced loss before in the form of relationships, failed endeavors and hobbies deemed too dangerous for someone of my growing age. But these things were nothing compared to the way Dallas had deeply embedded himself within my self-identity. The pain of this loss permeated through my core.
As a counselor, I have been trained on grief, bereavement and the strategies we use to empower our clients. All of that knowledge and experience seemed to dissipate as soon as Dallas was diagnosed. Suddenly, grief and loss were not topics discussed in a classroom; they had become deeply personal.
Soon after Dallas was diagnosed, I had begun preparing for his loss as best I could through that classroom knowledge. I dusted off my crisis intervention textbook and attempted to remember the works of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and William Worden. I quickly landed on Worden’s tasks of mourning model as I tried to intellectualize my now inevitable loss of Dallas. As a counselor, I try to promote resilience and empowerment in my clients. As I embarked on the dangerous endeavor of becoming my own counselor, I told myself to focus on the tasks I could accomplish to help myself emerge from this process more resilient than I had been going in.
Tasks of mourning
Worden’s tasks of mourning are not intended to be completed in any particular order and may be revisited throughout the mourning process. As soon as Dallas was diagnosed — and before I sought out knowledge of grief — I had begun to complete the tasks, and I continue to do so after the loss of Dallas. Sometimes I feel content in my accomplishment of tasks, whereas other times I am caught off guard by signs suggesting a lack of progress. My understanding of the grief process so far is that it ebbs and flows in a nonlinear, somewhat unpredictable manner throughout.
Task: Accept the reality of the loss. I began to accept the loss of Dallas conceptually as soon as he was diagnosed with the potential brain tumor. During the year of symptom management, I was able to work through this task on a surface level so that I thought I would be ready for my new reality when Dallas was gone.
Once Dallas had passed, I struggled with this task on a much deeper core level. I naively believed that the previous work on the task prior to Dallas’ departure would help insulate me from not accepting this new lonely reality. Returning home from the veterinary clinic on the day he was euthanized, I was most struck by the sense of numbness. The rest of that week’s activities and responsibilities seemed to pass me by because this new reality I was living in was foreign from the one I had known.
Technology was both a curse and a blessing as I attempted to gain footing on this task. I found myself clinging to Dallas’ presence through endless scrolling of the camera roll on my iPhone. As I scrolled upward, Dallas became younger and more the companion I idealized. Photos of him jumping as high as houseguests offered a stark comparison with the old man that had required assistance to get on the bed. The Live Photo feature was particularly unsettling. By holding my finger on a photo, Dallas all of a sudden sprang back to life, my phone emitting the daily sounds and visuals that I desperately longed for again in our home.
Social media did, however, provide one of the best mediums for memorializing Dallas as I continued through this task. My favorite photos discovered while scrolling were shared with friends and family in a memorial post. As others expressed sadness and condolences, I was astonished to learn how many other lives Dallas had touched. Friends and contacts long forgotten reemerged to share stories and memories of Dallas. Many of them validated my new reality without Dallas as being both painful and uncomfortable. Their support helped me better accept this different world and motivated me to move closer to it instead of resisting and staying in the one that was comfortable.
Task: Process the pain of grief. I am very fortunate in that any inhibition to process the pain of my grief was self-inflicted rather than being promoted by those around me. I have heard stories of those who lost pets whose grief was disenfranchised by those around them. Expectations to continue working while compartmentalizing grief plague many people after the loss of a companion animal. I was extremely fortunate that no one in my life placed such expectations on me. I was supported and understood as having just lost a family member that was deeply integrated in my self-identity.
My work on this task was predominantly inhibited by self-imposed restrictions. I falsely believed that the processing of loss completed since Dallas’ diagnosis would be sufficient for the actual event to be a mild speed bump on my road of productivity. The counselor in me said, “It is OK for you to experience this pain and have difficulty functioning,” but my cultural background stated simply, “Get over it.”
Toxic masculinity is prevalent in our world, and I am also guilty of propagating it. People who do not know me well would consider me a classic stereotype of masculinity by most metrics. I am genetically broad-shouldered and proudly wear a full beard. My previous hobbies have included skydiving, riding motorcycles and owning German sports cars. I drive an SUV to my Olympic weightlifting club, and my bias toward men who are similar to me says that the loss of a dog should not break such men down to tears or inhibit their ability to participate in life roles. As I viewed myself through this lens, I repressed the pain and the experiencing of it longer than I should have. Eventually, I could no longer be the stable and stoic presence in my home and work; I had to succumb to the pain.
As I began to reconcile my views on masculinity with what I knew as a counselor, I realized the feeling of pain and the expression of my emotions were among the manliest endeavors I could partake in. I shared my feelings and experience more freely with those around me and continued to be validated and supported as I tried to meet life’s demands while experiencing such pain.
Task: Adjust to a world with the deceased missing. Articles I read in advance of Dallas’ loss described the new home environment as having a “deafening silence.” As I attempted to mentally prepare for Dallas’ departure, I became attuned to the noises he emitted on a day-to-day basis. I tried to steel myself for what an absence of those noises might be like, but the void upon returning home after his passing was still debilitating.
My partner and I did our best to make this task as quick as possible. We removed all the reminders we could think of shortly after Dallas’ passing. Toys that were Dallas-sized and unattractive to Willett were donated to my partner’s practice for other dogs to enjoy. The tumbleweeds of short brown fur were sucked up from the various surfaces where they always clung. Dallas’ medications and food were removed. These physical reminders were easy to erase; classic conditioning ingrained over the span of 12 years was much more difficult to ignore.
Given the enormity of Dallas, there was little he could do that did not resonate throughout our small home. The clicking of his nails as he walked, the thud of furniture as he forcibly followed his intended path, even the heavy panting echoing through the house from his mere existence were all instantly gone. There was no longer a giant brown speed bump in the kitchen to navigate while we were cooking or a face of pure joy at the bottom of the steps when we returned home. Even watching TV at night without the occasional burst of flatulence from the corner of the sectional seemed a foreign experience.
Countless other experiences have become isolating and lonely affairs since Dallas passed. Thankfully, as time passes, this task becomes easier as the frequency of unexpected reminders diminishes. Eventually, I know the relationship between daily activities and Dallas’ presence will erode and disappear, shifting this void from absence to a new normal.
Task: Find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life. Worden’s previous iterations of this task involved the phrases “emotional reallocation” and “emotional reinvestment.” This task is characterized by a sense of moving on while accepting and appreciating the impact of the loss on the griever’s life and self-identity. As I move forward in my life, it is impossible not to consider the impression my relationship with Dallas has left and the residual effects it will have in the future.
I think of all the lessons I learned from Dallas and how they will present in the future. I wonder how my capacity for caring for those around me would have changed without first caring for Dallas. I wonder how differently I would experience frustration without first building patience through Dallas’ destructive behaviors. Lastly, without experiencing the loss of Dallas, I wonder how much less prepared I would be for loss in the future. I feel that my experience of being a caregiver to Dallas has greatly elevated my ability to show compassion and kindness in other roles. Thanks to Dallas, I am able to be a bit better in my many life roles as a counselor, partner, son and friend.
Conclusion
As I continue to bounce between and progress within these tasks, I sometimes find myself wondering, “Am I doing this right?” Questions about whether I removed reminders too soon, carried on with life too soon or even made the decision to euthanize too soon have dominated my grieving process.
This experience has provided me better insight into a process that I had conceptualized only in a classroom previously. Being forced to confront this inevitable human experience has taught me to give clients who are grieving a lot of room and compassion and to hold minimal expectations about how they grieve. Grief is an individualized experience. While there are models, none perfectly encapsulates what it means, feels and looks like to grieve.
Our grieving process culminated last year as we traveled home for Christmas. Dallas lived his life, with the exception of his final five months, in my small home in Alabama. Before we moved into a proper home in Virginia with a fenced-in backyard, his outside time was spent on a picturesque patch of land next to a lake. Closing my eyes, I can still picture my happy and healthy Dallas splashing around and chasing geese, frequently looking back at me for encouragement. This location, where Dallas seemed his happiest, is where we spread his ashes on a cold Alabama day with tears in our eyes but a sense of resolve in our hearts. I hope that one day I do find him there again, splashing and galloping, just over the Rainbow Bridge.
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Corban Smith is a doctoral student in the counseling and supervision program at James Madison University (JMU) with a specific interest in substance use and offender counseling. He currently works as both an adjunct faculty at JMU and as a jail/emergency services clinician at Valley Community Services Board. He and his wife reside in Harrisonburg, Virginia, where they enjoy being of service to any being they come across. Contact Corban at smitcor@icloud.com.
Counseling Today reviews unsolicited articles written by American Counseling Association members. To access writing guidelines and tips for having an article accepted for publication, visit ct.counseling.org/feedback.
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Opinions expressed and statements made in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to represent the opinions of the editors or policies of the American Counseling Association.FacebookTwitterRedditPinterestLinkedInEmailTAGS: ANIMAL, GRIEF AND LOSS
Often, it can be hard to understand the cause of these mental health problems. They may be triggered by something that has gone on in your life such as the loss of a loved one, or a big change such as moving to a new city, or a change in career. Whatever the cause, it is essential that you practice self-care.
But what can you do to treat your mental health problems?
Here are some of the steps you should take if you are experiencing any mental health difficulties in your life.
Speak To Your Doctor
If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression in your life, then you should speak with your doctor at the earliest possible opportunity. Your doctor should talk you through what is happening in your life in order to understand whether you should be treated with self-care,
antidepressant medication, or whether you would be a suitable candidate for talking therapy such as cognitive behavior therapy.
Speak To A Counselor
If you are able to speak with a counselor, do so. You may be able to get referred to one by your doctor. If not, there are plenty of specialist counselors that will be able to take you on.
Different counselors and therapists will have their own approaches to dealing with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Make sure that you are happy with the counselor’s approach before you commit to a course of sessions with them.
Use CBD And Other Alternative Treatments
One of the areas that there is growing research into is the use of alternative treatments such as CBD. CBD comes from the same plant as cannabis except it doesn’t have any of the psychoactive ingredients as cannabis does. It just relaxes you and relieves symptoms of stress and anxiety.
Another alternative treatment option may be psychedelics. You can read more about this at psychedelicspotlight.com.
Eat Well
There is a lot that can be said about the way that you eat. By making sure that you are eating a balanced diet, you will be able to help to give yourself the energy that you need to keep going.
To fight off stress and depression with your diet you should look at getting your starch fix with whole grains and beans. You should be sure to eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Instead of eating red meats, you should eat fatty fish like salmon or tuna. Finally, add in healthy fats, such as raw nuts and olive oil.
Exercise
Exercising is a great way of clearing your head. It gives you endorphins which is a feel-good hormone that will balance out the stress hormones that your body will naturally be producing.
Start small. Even going for a short walk will be very helpful.
Your health and wellness are important factors when it comes to how you feel each day and what you’re able to achieve in life. You must have a lot of natural energy and be in a positive frame of mind if you want to be well and excel.
While not every day will be great, it’s in your best interest to find more stability in your life and mental state. Doing so isn’t always easy but it is possible. Your mental health matters and the only way to make sure you can boost and improve it is to work on it and take actions that help you to achieve this goal.
Keep active if you want to boost and improve your mental health. Exercising and living a healthy lifestyle is good not only for your physical body but also for your mind. Happy chemicals are released when you workout and you’ll notice that you’re in a better mood after you break a sweat. Find activities you enjoy doing and that help you work and challenge different muscle groups. You’ll not only be a happier person for making this change but you’ll also be in better shape and feel more confident in your body.
Learn & Challenge Your Mind
Another way to boost and improve your mental health is to learn new information regularly. Challenge your mind by studying and reading articles and blogs from some of the top leaders out there like Dee Agarwal. Learning not only makes you smarter but it makes you feel good and gives you a sense of accomplishment. Open up your mind to taking in new information and remain curious so that you can expand your knowledge and education and stay mentally well.
Talk About Your Feelings
It’s also in your best interest to get in the habit of talking about your feelings if you want to boost and improve your mental health. Be vulnerable and open with those you trust and let them into your troubles and what’s on your mind. They can be there to listen or also offer advice and input if that’s what you want. It’ll feel good to get what’s bothering you off your mind and out into the open. You won’t have to carry around so many burdens and will likely notice that others feel the same way you do and can relate or have had similar experiences as well. You can’t be afraid to ask for help and should do so when you need it so that you feel less alone.
Follow Your Passions
Do more of what you love if you want to boost and improve your mental health. Start living for yourself instead of others and do what puts a smile on your face. Make more time for hobbies and activities that you enjoy and say no to others when they request your time and attention and you can’t give it. Find a job you love and that puts your skills to use and challenges you daily. You’ll feel much more fulfilled and be in a better place when you’re spending your days doing what pleases you.
Eat Well
Your diet and what you eat also play a role in how you feel and your mental health. Some foods can ignite or reduce anxiety, for example. Commit to eating a nutritious diet full of leafy greens, vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats. It may help to get in the habit of cooking for yourself at home so you have more control over the ingredients and portion sizes. Also, pay attention to what you’re drinking and stick to having more water and tea and less caffeine, alcohol, and sugar if you want to maintain good mental health.
Meditate & Reflect
One of the best ways to slow racing thoughts and boost and improve your mental health is to take the time to meditate and reflect often. Find a quiet place in your home or head out into nature and listen to a guided meditation that will help you feel relaxed, centered, and at ease.
I’m celebrating my greatest dog loves of today and in the past. I’ve owned a dog most of my life and we always had a dog when growing up. I can tell stories or sing to my dog friends anytime and they never spill the beans or frown at my bad singing.
Remember a dog is a great friend but they are a full-time commitment. They can also cost money that can come up very unexpectedly if they get sick. If you can make that commitment I encourage you to find the unconditional love of a dog or two today.
In the year 2004, the day was founded by animal welfare advocate and pet lifestyle expert, Collen Paige. He is also a conservationist, dog trainer, and author. The date 26 August was selected for International Dog Day because it was the first time when Paige’s family adopted Sheltie; he was 10-years-old.
Along with International Dog Day, Paige also founded and observed many such days including National Cat Day, National Puppy Day, National Wildlife Day, and National Mutt Day.
Few amazing facts about dogs • The most successful hunter in the world is the African Hunting Dog, which also holds the Guinness World Record for it. In 50 to 70 percent of their hunts, these dogs are successful. • Salukis hold the Guinness World Record for being the world’s oldest dog breed. This breed actually dates back to 329 BC. • Dogs have three eyelids; the third lid is a nictitating membrane, which is known as a haw. This keeps the eye lubricated and protected. • Not to forget, 30 percent of Dalmatians are deaf in one ear.
Change is constant and although many people feel resistant to it, change can actually be very beneficial. As the saying goes a change can be as good as a rest and there are many reasons for this. Change can bring a number of opportunities and give you a new perspective on life. A fresh start can also be a positive thing and learning to adapt to change is a useful skill for many situations. Whether it’s moving to a different place or embarking on a new career, there are several reasons a change can be positive.
If you’re looking for a fresh start, something as challenging as moving house could even lead to many positive things. Moving doesn’t need to be as stressful as it sounds and there are ways to sell my home fast. Many companies offer help to those who need to sell their home quickly and even offer cash in exchange for real estate. New beginnings mean you can start with a clean slate and get out of the rut that you might be in.
More opportunities
A change at work could lead to plenty of exciting business opportunities. If you’re ready for a career change this could bring many new possibilities for you to earn more money and learn new skills in the future. Employers also favor candidates who are able to show an ability to adapt to change and an eagerness to progress in different areas.
Personal development
Doing a bit of soul searchingis also a great way to learn about yourself and focus on personal development. It’s a good idea to make a list of priorities as these can change as you get older. This will help you with professional development as well and to figure out what kind of lifestyle you would like in the future. You will be able to decide what’s important to you workwise and where you would like to live a few years down the line.
A different perspective
There are many reasons why you should look at things from a different perspective from time to time. It helps you to reinforce your values and learn from others. Trying to see something from someone else’s point of view will help you think more objectively and become more open-minded. You’ll even be able to be more self-aware as a person and this could have a positive impact on your personal and professional relationships.
Gain strength
The strength you need in order to face change will benefit you in the future. You’ll be stronger in the face of adversity and be more capable of finding a new solution to different problems. Change allows many people to become stronger over time. The ability to adapt to change is a good skill to develop and it can help you in both your professional career and personal life. There are many ways in which leaving your comfort zone once in a while can be beneficial. A change of scenery is a great way to gain perspective.
Recovering from the trauma of any sort – be that emotional or physical – is a long road. It can be difficult and lonely, but that doesn’t mean you can’t heal and survive. If you feel overwhelmed by the path ahead of you.
Traumas of any kind can cause huge emotional destabilization, and so to mitigate the risk of this impacting your life even more than the event itself, it’s time to start talking. You can share your feelings, experiences, and thoughts with a friend or a loved one, or just someone you trust. Equally, some people find it easier to speak to someone they don’t know – and thanks to online therapy, it’s easier than ever. Ensuring you aren’t isolated and you are receiving some support is an important part of your healing journey.
Get moving
An effective way of handling trauma is to move your body. Studies have shown that it can help reduce stress and promote emotional healing after a trauma. If you’re well and able, gentle movement is great for the body and soul. It doesn’t have to be exhausting – simply going for a daily walk or heading to the local pool for a swim. If you find the idea of getting out too much for you right now, you could relax with some calming yoga on YouTube.
Foster good habits
It can be easy to sink into bad habits when you’re recovering from trauma – that could be not leaving the house, sleeping all day, drinking too much, or not eating well. While these can be understandable reactions to something that has happened, they will not help your recovery. If you feel able, try and build more positive habits in your day. These habits will depend on you and your needs, but they could be to wake up at the same time every morning, shower once a day, and get outside for at least five minutes of fresh air. Whatever these habits are, keep them up and praise yourself when you stick to them.
Self-care
Self-care is an incredibly personal thing, so it’s important to consider what constitutes self-care for you. Do you enjoy a candlelit bath? Or have you discovered that mindfulness and meditation help you to feel good? Whatever things make you feel cared for, write them down on a list, so that when you do need to practice self-care, you don’t have to think about what will make you feel better, you just need to refer to the list!
Call in the professionals
In your recovery, there may be a moment when you realize you need more than just the help of a friend or a meditation, and that is a powerful realization. For some, the help of a professional could mean a psychiatrist or therapist, whereas for others that could mean seeking alcohol treatment in a center or with a group. Whatever your need is, it’s a strong moment when you learn to take care of yourself.
Getting into a fitness routine, pushing yourself, and reaching your goals takes a lot of time and energy, as well as a big commitment to yourself and your health. So when your health suffers, either through an injury or an illness, it can really set you back and put you right back at square one.
Feeling like you’ve got to start over with your fitness is a common feeling, and it can really affect your confidence. Whether you feel like you can’t do it or that things are harder than they used to be, it’s important to get back on that horse. Exercise will help improve your physical health and boost your mental health, and it can be a welcome part of your routine once you’ve found your feet again.
Here is some advice to help you regain the confidence to work out when you’ve suffered a setback.
While it’s understandable that you’ll want to be back where your fitness used to be, it isn’t going to happen overnight. If you try to move too quickly, you could end up injured or losing further confidence from not getting the same results as you once did.
Start by setting yourself some manageable fitness goals, aims you can work towards slowly, helping you to regain technique and basic fitness first. From increasing the times of your workouts to making it to the gym a certain number of times a week, start with goals that are realistic before building up to bigger ones.
Choose workout clothes that help your performance
The workout clothes you wear can help you feel more confident about working out. You should choose items that are comfortable, supportive, and can help keep you cool too. Treating yourself to some new outfits will help you feel in a better mindset for working out. Brands are more attune to the different needs of people now, so you can find great selections for curvier shapes, as well as amputee leggings and other items that can help give you a boost. Always make sure you have the right type of shoes for your workout to make sure you’re better protected against injury.
Ease yourself in, and consider working with someone else
Fitness is something that needs to be built up over time. So if you’re getting back into things after a long period away, ease yourself in gently. Walking and swimming can be gentle, effective exercises to start until you’re feeling fitter and stronger. Take a look at fitness plans from others in your position to see how they’ve eased themselves back into exercise.
It can also help if you work out with someone else, such as a friend or personal trainer who can help make sure you’ve got the right form to prevent injury, as well as help you train as needed.
If, for any reason, you feel pain – stop! Consult your doctor or take a rest to stop yourself from overdoing things.
Exercise is something that can help you begin to feel a semblance of normality, helping you form a routine and get back into activities that you once enjoyed. Take it slow, put your health first, and soon you’ll see your confidence creeping back up as you start to reach your goals once more.
I used to be a person who was terrified of ever dropping the ball.
In the US, the term “drop the ball” has very negative connotations. It means you’ve failed to take action or failed to do something you were supposed to do. And by dropping the ball, you often end up disappointing the other people in your life.
I used to feel it was very important to keep all of my balls constantly in the air, whether those balls were my job, my family or the responsibilities in the rest of my life. Plus, as a Black woman, I felt like my dropping the ball had bigger implications especially at work. I worried, “If I mess this up, they’re never going to hire another Black person again.”
What happened to me was I came to a life-changing moment where I wasn’t able to keep all of my balls in the air and I wasn’t able to do everything beautifully and perfectly. For me, it was the birth of my first child, but for other people, it could be almost anything else — a diagnosis; you finally get the promotion of your dreams and realize it’s harder to be the boss than you thought; or a pandemic that’s hit the entire globe.
No one called to tell me they didn’t love me anymore, I didn’t lose my job, and no one came to arrest me because I had unpaid parking tickets.
After I dropped my balls, I had an epiphany.
Which was this: Even though my balls were rolling all over the floor, the world didn’t end. No one called to tell me they didn’t love me anymore, I didn’t lose my job, and no one came to arrest me because I had unpaid parking tickets.
So I started to question why so many of us feel so much pressure to deliver constantly and at a very high level all of the time. Maybe what we really need to do is drop the unrealistic expectations about how we always need to have it all together.
I decided to reappropriate the term “dropping the ball” and now it means “doing less and achieving more”.
Dropping the ball in this way involves three steps: 1. Getting clear about what matters most to you; 2. Figuring out what you hope to achieve and how your highest and best use can help you get there; 3. Engaging other people in your journey.
Let me break them down for you.
At your funeral, what would you want a friend, a family member or a coworker to say about you?
The first and most effective step requires you to get clear about what matters most to you and your life. One of the most powerful exercises I like to do was made popular by Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. For the exercise, you imagine the end of your life and your eulogy. I know this seems sad or depressing, but given that a lot of people around the globe are losing their lives to this virus, it’s actually a prescient thing to do.
So at your funeral, what would you want a friend, a family member or a coworker to say about you? You probably wouldn’t want them to stand up and say: “She got a lot of things done on her to-do list every day.” Instead, you probably want them to say something about the impact you had on the world.
Ask 10 people to tell you about a time when they’ve experienced you at your best, what are the things you do well with little effort, and what are the things that only you can do.
The second step involves focusing on what you hope to achieve in the important areas of your life — and how your highest and best use can help you get there. While my career is important to me, what really matters in that sphere is that I’m working to advance women and girls in the world. My marriage is important, but what really matters is that I’m nurturing a healthy partnership. My kids are obviously important, but what really matters is that I’m raising conscious global citizens.
After that, you can move on to what you should be doing and how you put your particular abilities and skills — what I call your highest and best use — to work to accomplish those goals. If you’re thinking “I don’t know what my highest and best use is”, one great exercise to identify it is to talk to the people in your life.
Ask 10 people who’ve known you in different parts of your time on this planet to tell you about a time when they’ve experienced you at your best, what are the things you do well with little effort, and what are the things that only you can do. Then listen to what they say. If you can transcribe their responses — amazing! After you have them down on paper, circle words, phrases and themes that keep coming up or that really resonate for you.
You can’t just drop the ball and not let anyone know — I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work.
The third step involves enlisting other people in your journey. You need to get the people in your life on board with you dropping the ball. You can’t just drop the ball and not let anyone know — I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work.
Let’s start with your boss, because that’s usually the person for which people push back and tell me, “There’s no way I can drop the ball with her.” But you can.
When you talk to her, use a strategy that I call “leading with the forest and then getting into the trees”. This means appealing to what really matters to someone else. For bosses, what matters most are usually the outcomes and results that they want their team members to achieve in a given period of time.
When you consciously drop the ball at home, I think you’ll discover that the expectations you hold for yourself are so much higher than those held by the people who love you.
Let’s say you’ve decided your highest use in your career is establishing meaningful collaborations and you want to spend more time doing this. You could frame your request to your boss by saying something like “I feel like if I spent more time with the clients and a little bit less time on the administrative side, I could get our company to its strategic goal. Are you open to a conversation about how I might be able to reprioritize things and potentially give some opportunities to someone else on the team so we can hit the mark?”
Then if a colleague is going to feel the impact of you deciding to drop the ball, you need to be proactive and go to them and say, “Hey, I just want to let you know I’m playing with an idea. I know it sounds scary, but I actually think it’s going to increase my productivity and the productivity of the team. I want to tell you in advance about what I’m going to be doing, so we can have a conversation about how it might impact you and make sure you’re not feeling any negative effects.” Proactive communication like this is critical.
In terms of dropping the ball at home, what’s really important is to come to any family conversations with grace and humility. Admit what they’ve already experienced — they’ve probably had to deal with you being overwhelmed and you being stressed and the repercussions of this pressure.
A conversation with your kids might go like this: “I know this seems like a strange conversation I’m having with you, but I really want to be a good mom. I’ve been feeling extremely overwhelmed and stressed, and I feel like there’s all these things I have on my list I need to do to be a good mom. Because I can’t do them, it’s making me have a short temper. Sometimes I know I yell at you guys when I don’t mean to. I feel like it would be better if I could focus on what you feel is most important for me to be a good mom. Could we talk about what those top three things are? I was also hoping I might be able to engage you guys to do a couple of things around the house — this would really help me be my best self.”
Every time you stop doing the things that don’t align with your highest purpose, you’re modeling this behavior — and humility and vulnerability — for others.
Those of us who are perfectionists will want to continue doing everything to the best of our abilities — even when it makes us crazy or exhausted. But when you consciously drop the ball at home, I think you’ll discover that the expectations you hold for yourself are so much higher than those held by the people who love you and are around you. You can minimize your to-do list simply by asking your loved ones what’s most important to them.
Keep this in mind: When you drop the ball openly and thoughtfully in the different areas of your life, you won’t only be benefiting yourself. You’ll be helping everyone around you too. Every time you show your limitations, focus on using your unique gifts and stop doing the things that don’t align with your highest purpose, you’re modeling this behavior — and humility and vulnerability — for others. And that’s something we need more of in this world.
This post was adapted from a recent LinkedIn Live conversation with Tiffany Dufu, founder and CEO of The Cru, a peer coaching platform aimed at diverse, mid-career women. Apply to join now and receive one month free from an annual membership when you mention LinkedIn as a referral. To learn more, email contact@thecru.com
Thank you so much for your support and well wishes. I also want to thank the other 96 countries for visiting and look forward to your return. I would love to reach all 195 countries in the world, just have few more to go.
Welcome to the weekend edition of Today in History. I’m so glad you’re enjoying the post. Have an awesome weekend.
1950
On August 22, 1950, officials of the United States Lawn Tennis Association (USLTA) accept Althea Gibson into their annual championship at Forest Hills, New York, making her the first African American player to compete in a U.S. national tennis competition.
On August 22, 1851, the U.S.-built schooner America bests a fleet of Britain’s finest ships in a race around England’s Isle of Wight. The ornate silver trophy won by the America was later donated to the New York Yacht Club on condition that it be forever placed in international …read more
The Geneva Convention of 1864 for the Amelioration of the Condition of the Wounded and Sick of Armies in the Field is adopted by 12 nations meeting in Geneva. The agreement, advocated by Swiss humanitarian Jean-Henri Dunant, called for nonpartisan care to the sick and wounded in …read more
At San Francisco’s Candlestick Park on August 22, 1965, Giants pitcher Juan Marichal steps up to the plate to lead off the home half of the third inning against the Los Angeles Dodgers. After the second pitch, a ball low and away, catcher John Roseboro returns the ball to pitcher …read more
Irish revolutionary and Sinn Fein politician Michael Collins is killed in an ambush in west County Cork, Ireland. In the early part of the century, Collins joined Sinn Fein, an Irish political party dedicated to achieving independence for all Ireland. From its inception, the …read more
As we age, everything that was once taken for granted will become more difficult. Often, friends and family will need to step in and care for you.
If a loved one of yours needs to be looked after, then it may seem like the right thing to do to take care of them. But before you do decide to take care of someone in this way, it is important that you consider everything that is involved in caring for elderly relatives. Elder-care is more than a full-time job, and it will be both emotionally and physically challenging.
Here is everything you should think about when taking care of an elderly relative.
One of the most important aspects of caring for an elderly relative is that you’ll need to make sure that they are taking any medication that they are on when they need to. They may be on several different medications for a variety of different conditions. Make sure you know about their medical conditions and understand what the medication is for. In addition, you should get to know more about the medication, including:
When the medication needs to be taken
What dosage do they require
When you can order repeat prescriptions
You may be required to administer their medication or to check each day to ensure it has been taken.
Carrying Out Housework
If the elderly relative that you are caring for has limited mobility, then you may need to help them with their housework. While this may mean carrying out major tasks such as cleaning the whole house, it may also involve smaller tasks such as washing the dishes.
Assisting With Mobility
Since mobility is a problem for many older people, there are risk factors that you should be aware of. You may need to supervise or provide mobility aids to help them get about their day without having any slips, trips, or falls.
Make sure that the home environment is safe for them. This could involve making sure that the house is free from clutter, that the walkways are clear, that there are handrails throughout the home, that there is a stairlift in place, that walkers or wheelchairs are available as needed.
This wheelchair guide will talk you through finding the right wheelchair for the relative that you are caring for.
You should go through the house and identify any potential risks and make the necessary changes.
You’ll Need a Bathing Routine
Personal hygiene and health go hand-in-hand. Wherever possible, you should ensure that the relative that you’re caring for has some sense of independence when it comes to bathing and washing. To achieve this, you could provide handrails in the bathroom, along with baths and showers that are easily accessible.
When someone is unable to clean themselves, you will need to help them. Creating a bathing and washing routine is essential. This will ensure your loved one will stay clean all of the time. This will be even more important if your relative is either bed-bound or incontinent, as sores may form if you don’t keep proper hygiene.
You’ll Need to Cook for Your Relative
Unless your elderly relative is able to cook themselves, you will very likely to do this on their behalf every day. Make sure that you provide a healthy balanced diet that is not only varied, but that is also interesting. Make sure that mealtimes are something to look forward to.
If you want to save yourself some time, you may want to batch cook some meals so that these can be quickly reheated another day.
You May Need To Lift Your Relative
If the person that you are caring for has mobility issues, then it will be essential that you help them to get around. To do this, you may need to lift them up. If this is something that you need to do, ensure you do it safely and consider your own body. Make sure that you are not putting yourself at risk at all.
There may be lifting equipment that you can buy that will help you to lift your loved one safely. There may also be courses that you can take that teach you safe lifting and handling.
You’ll Need To Help Your Relative To Exercise
It is essential that you help keep your elderly relative as active as possible. Even if your elderly relative has mobility problems, there will be some exercises that they can do. This may just mean doing simple movements with their arms and feet. Find some basic routines that they can complete. Join in with the exercises with them to make them feel more at ease while they’re doing them.
You Will Need To Run Errands
There will often be errands that need to be run. If your elderly relative is unable to do them, you will need to do them on their behalf. This may mean going to the shop, paying bills for them, returning their library books, and much more. Try to maintain a routine so that you can easily keep up with the required errands.
There May Be Hospital Procedures
If your relative needs to go into the hospital for a procedure, you’ll need to be there to help them out with their aftercare. Make sure that you’re there to speak with the doctor and find out what you’ll need to do in terms of caring for them after the procedure. You will also need to ensure they are able to attend any follow-up appointments.
Providing End of Life Care
One of the hardest things that you’ll need to deal with is the end of life care. It will be important that you know exactly when you should call a hospice.
With all the best intentions, there will be times when caring for someone that you are close to will get to be too much for you. Make sure that you take a break whenever possible, and build a support network around yourself.
At DetoxRehabs.net, we provide expert information for individuals and families struggling to find recovery by vetting and researching rehab centers. Our site makes it easy to find the top five centers in your home state or out of state. We also provide information for different community needs, such as help for our veterans, LGBTQ+ friendly programs, free or Medicaid accepting treatment, and pet-friendly facilities.
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Can Marijuana Treat Postnatal Depression?
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How to Identify the Early Signs of Mental Health Issues
Child abuse and neglect is a heartbreaking reality that affects many people. Unfortunately, it can be tough to spot the signs of child abuse or neglect.
The list below contains some warning signs that you should watch out for if you suspect someone might be abusing their child. The blog post discusses all the different types of warning signs of child abuse and neglect to look out for.
Children can get abused due to various reasons. For instance, a child living with a foster family is more likely to be in this situation. Besides, inheritance disputes among families on what children should inherit can often lead to abuse. If this happens, ensure you consult with an estate lawyer for the way forward regarding property allocation.
Suppose a parent is very hostile or angry with the child and this behavior occurs relatively often. In that case, it may indicate that something more serious could also be happening, like physical abuse of their children. The frequency of explosive anger episodes can increase over time and become worse if not appropriately addressed by family members or professionals.
School Absenteeism
Another way to see this is when a student misses school frequently or starts skipping class. This could happen for various reasons. Such include bullying at school, homesickness while away from their parents, and being embarrassed to go in front of the whole classroom because they are struggling with an assignment.
The key here is to pay attention and be aware of changes in a student’s attendance which may indicate that something else is going on in their life.
Depression and Anxiety
Children getting abused or neglected often experience depression and anxiety, which can manifest in many ways, including problems with concentration, withdrawal from social situations, nightmares after the incident, and difficulty sleeping.
They might also seem unusually fearful when going to bed at night or seem overly compliant with adults. The child’s anxiety around specific activities or objects may be a sign they recall past abuse.
Eating More Than Usual at a Meal
This is a sign of self-neglect. When people are experiencing emotional or physical abuse, they may feel that their needs don’t matter and stop taking care of themselves. It can also happen when someone in the family has an eating disorder (such as bingeing).
It’s essential to be aware when one child eats more than the others or eats more than usual. This could be a sign of child abuse and neglect!
Fear in Their Eyes
The fear in a child’s eyes is something that every parent or caregiver should watch out for. If you notice the eyes looking at you with terror, it may be time to have someone else look into what is going on behind closed doors.
Parenting is a difficult job, but many resources can help take some of the weight off. For example, the use of an online resource like Childline may be able to provide valuable information about abuse and neglect in your community. You might also want to consider speaking with someone at your local school or preschool. Additionally, it would help if you considered asking the child directly about their well-being.
I’m excited to introduce you to Lin Health. They are a Pain Management platform like no other. This is not your average app, Lin Health offers you one-on-one support with a trained Health Coach who you talk with on a regular basis. She is intimately familiar with your health and medical background thru their support systems and groundbreaking questionaries. They are also HIPPA compliant.
Lin Health has a great introductory offer for just $10.00 for your first month, see below for all the details.
How does Lin Health help you manage and improve your pain levels and in turn improve your life?
Virtual Meetings with a trained Pain Management Physician
A Personal coach
Customized recommendations based on the information garnered thru the process
Streamline Processes, best in class remote solutions
A partnership with SteadyMD for Telehealth
There is hope
70% of Lin members improved their ability to reduce their pain when it arises. And within three months of joining Lin, 66% of users report that pain now interferes less in their lives.*
What’s on the platform?
Personal coaching for pain management
Care coordination
Personal care plan
Dedicated primary care MD
Specialty care consultation
Digital health tools
Proven pain relief devices
Medications
Physical therapy
Sleep, Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD tools
Terri Leitchy Lead Coach
I signed up with Lin Health to better understand the platform and the service commitment made by the company. The process was thorough and they asked detailed questions to truly understand not only your pain and chronic health conditions but you as an individual.
After signing up and completing a few steps I received a text from Terri the Health Coach welcoming me to the platform and she encouraged me to schedule my face-to-face meeting with her. After your face-to-face meeting, you check back in on a regular basis to discuss questions and the next steps.
Lin health is a one-stop platform for all of your Chronic Pain needs, including medical support via Telehealth, prescriptions, personalized coaching, and a wealth of online tools to help you reach your best self.
Here are a few quotes from people who are using Lin Health.
“Lin has saved my life over this past month”
“I’m learning to rename my pain, and it is taking some of the fear out of it. I worry less about it escalating or that it will turn into something bad”
“Not having a migraine is pretty cool, because I’ve had those all my life… I haven’t had one in 2 weeks! For me, that’s a great improvement”
Current Special
Join now for just $10 for your first month and see what all Lin Health has to offer, then it’s only $49.00 a month. The benefits of joining are limitless and you can cancel at any time.
I highly recommend anyone with Chronic Pain conditions to visit the Lin Health website to see what they can offer you. I know you will be impressed and glad you joined the Lin Health family.
No one’s quite sure what the meaning of life is, but the pursuit of happiness seems to be as good a guess as any other. The issue is that while finding happiness on a short-term basis is possible, finding it on a long-term basis can be pretty elusive. It is not, however, impossible. Perhaps a good place to look for it is in contentment. If you’re content with yourself and the universe, then the happiness question will cease to be relevant. In this blog, we’re going to look at some key elements that’ll contribute to a content state of mind. Give them a try!
We all know that we’re a mixture of good and bad seeds. The one that your water will be the one that you become. So make sure you feed the good wolf that lies within you! To do this, you just need to let go of the things that give you that warm fuzzy feeling and say goodbye to the ones that bring you down. This is tough for the first few weeks, but after that, your new way of being will just be who you are. And from there, you never know what it’ll lead to.
Planning Ahead
You’ll find it difficult to be at peace if you have loads of anxieties and worries. While you may never be able to get rid of those worries completely, you can blunt their influence. The best way to do that is to think of what problems could materialize in the future and then take steps to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of them happening. If you’re worried about what your future might look like because of financial matters related to your health, for instance, then you can work with a Medicaid planning law firm. They’ll help to put together a crisis plan that protects you in the coming years.
Making Connections
If you’ve ever seen the movie Into The Wild, then you’ll be familiar with the phrase “happiness is only real when shared.” And there’s every chance that this is the case. People can be annoying from time to time, sure, but life would be a lot more difficult without them in your life. So as you go through life, look at making connections and being there for others. It’ll give you a purpose in life, and studies have shown that having a purpose is something that leads to fulfillment. You can make connections on a simple friend basis, or you can make your commitment to others more formal by working with charitable organizations.
Moments of Joy
Life can be difficult, sure. But it’s important not to lose sight of all the joy in the world. It’s everywhere if you just look for it! All too often, people become cynical when they enter their later years. But there’s little value in taking that route. Instead, keep your fun spirit, have a good time, and don’t become jaded — it’ll be a tough battle, but one worth fighting.
For many parents, conversations surrounding a teen’s mental health aren’t unusual, and there’s luckily now plenty of advice around how to deal with this increasingly common problem. Yet, when you do a blanket search on the internet, it becomes painfully obvious that there’s almost no advice of the same kind about parenting when you yourself are struggling with mental health issues.
This is an especially worrying omission when you consider that approximately 68% of women and 57% of men who experience mental illness also have children, while 15-23% of children have parents who are experiencing some kind of mental illness. Worse, representation of this issue in the media tends to be poorly portrayed and even suggests that mentally unwell parents can do real damage. As well as being drastically misplaced, this blame can worsen an already difficult situation, and it’s something we hope to help you overcome by considering a few healthy coping mechanisms to prevent your mental illness from ever becoming an issue for the wellbeing of your family.
Make a plan
Mental illnesses including depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia can accumulate in a kind of ‘brain fog’ that makes concentration and daily tasks a challenge. This is a significant concern for parents who are worried about forgetting key aspects of parental care. To remove that pressure, many parents working through mental health find it useful to make a plan. Obviously, this plan should make way for large-scale things first, like estate planning with a family attorney not long after the birth, or even putting the wheels in motion for a home purchase, etc. Daily, planning things like meals, school pickup times, and even outfit choices can make it far easier to reassure yourself that you’re meeting your child’s needs, and to keep things on a steady level for your children no matter how bad you’re feeling.
The silence surrounding mental health is an increasingly worrying problem and never is that more the case than when parenting is concerned. Certainly, parents who worry about overwhelming their children avoid talking about their own mental health altogether, thus creating an ongoing cycle of silence. By speaking out about your struggles, not only do you ensure that your children are more likely to speak out if they experience the same, but also that they always understand what’s happening and why.
Embrace outside support
Outside support is also essential when things get difficult. Support groups and therapy sessions can prove invaluable for this purpose, providing a professional setting that your child can trust, but outside support networks including family and friend units can also provide a safe haven that’s going to make a huge difference to how your child is able to cope with different situations.
Mental illness makes life undeniably difficult, and parenting can certainly fall under that umbrella, but there’s nothing to say that a parent experiencing mental illness can’t still ensure a thriving, supportive, and even happy family environment by simply approaching the matter with these pointers in mind.
A special thank you to Maggie Dunne-Kirby and Welbeck Publishing Group for an advanced copy of Heal Yourself with Colour by Chromatologist Walaa AIMuhaiteeb.
I’m a colour therapist and colour specialist – but just consider me your super-wise mentor and bestie who wants to help you get back in balance, find confidence and stop living on auto-pilot.
Does it seem like you can’t pick yourself up no matter what you do? You want to learn how to love and appreciate yourself, be able to deal with demanding situations and find joy and happiness again, but right now, you’re finding that challenging. Your energy has depleted, you can’t seem to overcome the difficult situations that you’re faced with and happiness has dangerously drained you.
I work with women who want to distance themselves from toxic relationships and the baggage they come with, open their heart to new love, feel refuelled, refreshed and calm, and appreciate themselves and everything that life has to offer.
As we work together throughout this book, I’ll encourage you to spiritually and emotionally evolve, give you as much support as you need to move beyond fear, and help you get out of those toxic relationships and live a magical life. By the time our work is done you’ll find a calm inside yourself that you never knew existed; you’ll learn the importance of self-love and have a fuller appreciation for life.
Blurb
Based on the unique Colour Ways system, that combines numerology with colour therapy, author and creator Walaa will show you how to use this powerful technique to bring abundance, clarity, confidence and balance into your life.
Highly practical and interactive, you will learn:
What colour personality you are, what each colour means and which chakra it is associated with.
Why you are attracted to certain colours and how you can use them to create positive change in your life
What colour numerology is and how to use it
How to use the energy of colour to improve how you feel and think
Alongside daily and weekly rituals and techniques for using colour, including visualisation, numerology, meditation, mantras and mudras and body and home treatments, you can bring abundance, clarity and healing into your life.
My Thoughts
One of the first things that hit me was where Walla was born, in Kuwait. I knew this would be an interesting book from a perspective completely different from my own. Heal yourself with Colour is part Transcendental thinking and a Self-Help book. She writes beautifully and is so passionate about life.
The history of colour is represented in her book, it’s fascinating. I found that many cultures dating back to the Egyptians were interested in colour and today several cultures use colours to represent religion.
Walla has all the exercises you need to get in touch with your inner self, walks you thru each colour and its meaning and helps you find your personal colour or colours. My colours are red and gold.
She makes Colour Numerology easy to understand which could be a difficult subject. The book is a fast read but you have to be committed to taking each step which includes journaling and meditation.
If you want to better understand your inner self and find answers to how to improve your life, this is the book for you.
Welbeck Publishing Group Limited
Welbeck Publishing Group is an exciting, fast-growing independent publisher based in London, dedicated to publishing only the very best and most commercial books spanning a number of genres and categories, from leading authors and well-known brands to debut talent. We live for books that entertain, excite and enhance the lives of readers around the world.
From building our boutique fiction and narrative non-fiction lists to shaping our world-renowned illustrated reference, gift and children’s titles, our aim is to be a market-leader in every category in which we publish. Our books and products come to life for adults, children, and families in 30 languages in more than 60 countries around the world, selling through a variety of traditional and non-traditional channels. We are constantly looking for new ways to deliver our exceptional content and new ideas to inspire readers and listeners everywhere.
Welcome to the weekend edition of Today in History. I’m so glad you’re enjoying the post. Have an awesome weekend.
1969
On August 15, 1969, the Woodstock music festival opens on a patch of farmland in White Lake, a hamlet in the upstate New York town of Bethel.
Promoters John Roberts, Joel Rosenman, Artie Kornfield and Michael Lang originally envisioned the festival as a way to raise funds to build a recording studio and rock-and-roll retreat near the town of Woodstock, New York. The longtime artists’ colony was already a home base for Bob Dylan and other musicians. Despite their relative inexperience, the young promoters managed to sign a roster of top acts, including the Jefferson Airplane, the Who, the Grateful Dead, Sly and the Family Stone, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Creedence Clearwater Revival and many more.
1979
Apocalypse Now, the acclaimed Vietnam War film directed by Francis Ford Coppola, opens in theaters around the United States on August 15, 1979. The film, inspired in part by Joseph Conrad’s 1899 novella Heart of Darkness, among other sources, told the story of an Army captain …read more
1914
The American-built waterway across the Isthmus of Panama, connecting the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, is inaugurated with the passage of the U.S. vessel Ancon, a cargo and passenger ship. The rush of settlers to California and Oregon in the mid 19th century was the initial …read more
1961
Two days after sealing off free passage between East and West Berlin with barbed wire, East German authorities begin building a wall—the Berlin Wall—to permanently close off access to the West. For the next 28 years, the heavily fortified Berlin Wall stood as the most tangible …read more
1057
At the Battle of Lumphanan, King Macbeth of Scotland is slain by Malcolm Canmore, whose father, King Duncan I, was murdered by Macbeth 17 years earlier. Macbeth was a grandson of King Kenneth II and also had a claim to the throne through his wife, Gruoch, who was the …read more
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