When you have been involved in an accident, your physical well-being is understandably at the forefront of your mind. However, sometimes when you’ve been seriously hurt, you need a longer period of time to heal mentally as well as physically. Sometimes, even long after your body has healed and you’re back on your feet again, you may still be feeling the effects of your mental health. In these situations, you need to give yourself the time to recover, and here are some tips on how to cope mentally after a serious accident.

Talk about your fears

After a serious accident and injury, you may develop fears and anxieties around that particular situation. For example, if you nearly drowned from falling off a boat into choppy seawater, you may find that you’ve developed a fear of boats or deep water, and that’s completely understandable! Talk to your doctor or counselor about your fears, as they’ll be able to help you overcome these fears through therapy.

Gain some financial help

Being in an accident may cause you to be out of work for some time, and this can negatively affect your finances, causing you to fall into debt. Your mental health may be struggling to cope with these debts, and you may find yourself worrying about them often, causing you to lose concentration elsewhere. You can get financial help for many accidents such as an automobile accident by speaking to car crash lawyers to see if you’ve got a viable case. Alternatively, you could speak to a debt advisor about how you can reduce your debts with the budget you’re on.

Take time to discover the new you

If your accident has changed you physically, such as paralyzation of the legs or spine, you may be struggling to adapt to who you are now. Going through something like that is a major life change, and you need to take as much time as you need to discover the new you. This might mean taking some time away from work to work on yourself, or it might mean changing careers to something that you can enjoy.

Refrain from hiding away

It’s very common after an accident to hide away from the world due to anxiety about another accident lurking around the corner. The problem here is that the longer you leave returning to normal life, the harder it’s going to be to adapt. Be brave, take the step! There’s nothing wrong with taking extra precautions in your day-to-day life, just don’t avoid it altogether!

Use the support around you

Finally, after an accident, it’s very likely that your family and friends have rallied together to help you recover and then some, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for some extra help if you need it! You’ve just experienced a major event in your life, and you can’t be expected to bounce back straight away. Alternatively, you may be able to find support groups near you where you can talk about your experiences with people that have been through the same thing. Whatever you feel will help, reach out to it!

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain down in the dumps, mindfulness may be a good option for you. It is an ancient practice that has been shown to reduce stress and promote well-being.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is defined as purposely focusing one’s awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. 

This should not be confused with meditation; mindfulness is merely a way to become more aware of yourself and your surroundings. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you will eventually find yourself carrying these habits into everyday activities such as cooking, 

Dao Drops Skinny Drops, listening to music, and even cleaning.

How To Practice Mindfulness

Observe your surroundings without judgment 

Without judgment simply means that you aren’t judging whether or not something is good or bad; you are merely observing what is there.

Accepting thoughts without judging them trains the brain not to react emotionally to thoughts that previously would have caused upset or distraction. This allows you to break free from automatic reactions that are no longer useful, freeing up previously used energy for unnecessary thought processes. 

In addition, mindfulness helps you to learn how to get out of “mental traps” by giving you the distance between stimulus and response instead of the immediacy that has been ingrained in people from years of conditioning.

Photo by Diego Madrigal from Pexels

The practice of mindfulness encourages you to observe your thoughts and emotions as they present themselves without judgment and with a desire to improve. This differs from people’s method of ruminating or worrying because those two behaviors can become cyclical and lead to habitual patterns that cause stress, anxiety, and depression. 

When practicing mindfulness, you are taking up your rightful position as an observer that has control over your brain function rather than being your brain function.

When you allow stressful thoughts and feelings to exist without judging them as good or bad, helpful or unhelpful, productive or unproductive, they tend to dissipate more easily on their own, so you can resume thinking about what’s most important right now.

Accept your feelings and bodily sensations 

Remember: These feelings might be uncomfortable, but they are there. Accept that you are feeling what you are feeling without trying to change it or push it away.

Even though mindfulness helps a person regulate their emotions better by creating more distance between stimulus and response, it is helpful not to ignore emotions that arise but rather to allow them to exist without necessarily reacting. 

Being watchful of your surroundings can help you learn how best to respond in a given situation while taking into consideration any impulses that may accompany emotional responses. One way this might manifest itself is through a greater focus on rationality rather than emotionality when making decisions. 

Photo by olia danilevich from Pexels

So as not to fall prey to gut instincts or instinctual urges from past conditioning, which have been proven over time by scientific research not always lead down the most optimal paths for positive outcomes.

It is important not to let thoughts turn into action without first evaluating their consequences carefully. The goal should be to empower oneself by changing behaviors that don’t align with core values while turning down the volume on less helpful impulsivity. 

Practicing mindfulness can help to reduce poor decision-making (such as excessive “night owl” behavior that stops the body from getting enough sleep) and increase emotional regulation when tempted with harmful or unhealthy impulses such as drugs, alcohol, and excessive buying. 

Mindfulness is a great way to maintain control over your life and make sure temporary feelings and emotions do not rule you in response to external stimuli.

Be in the present moment

Training the brain to be present in the present moment instead of thinking about the past or worrying about the future allows for a fuller life experience free from excessive stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. 

Mindfulness not only helps you become more aware, but it also provides an opportunity for gratitude and appreciation when you take time to enjoy everyday experiences. 

In this way, mindfulness may affect higher-order brain functions such as emotional regulation and empathy through changes in daily thought patterns that influence a person’s interactions with others.

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh from Pexels

Mindfulness allows you to make a shift from autopilot mode to manual control of your life. You can let go of unnecessary stress and anxiety while feeling calmer, more centered, and grounded in who you are as an individual rather than being swept away by uncontrolled thoughts and feelings that cloud your judgment or lead to reactionary behavior. 

By practicing mindfulness, you can take back the reins of your mind so that you may direct them toward activities that feel fulfilling and purposeful instead of engaging in unproductive psychological loops that cause regret.

This brings you back into the moment where mindfulness becomes easier because your mind is calmer and quieter than before. Although it is normal for emotions like anger to arise occasionally (and sometimes often), reacting impulsively generally does not lead people toward healthy long-term outcomes.

How Long Should One Practice Mindfulness?

By practicing mindfulness regularly for fifteen minutes each day, people can train themselves through daily self-monitoring to become more conscious of what they’re feeling at any given moment. 

This may be challenging at first because it requires you to turn off autopilot mode and be conscious of every choice you make instead of just letting life happen. However, it will become easier to be aware of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day with time.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

You will notice that once you begin practicing mindfulness on a regular basis, you will feel calmer throughout the day by simply observing what’s going on around you without reacting emotionally. 

You’ll find yourself more grounded at the moment instead of feeling stressed out about things left unresolved in the past or hazy uncertainties floating around in the future. You may even begin to see that some of your previously unproductive thought patterns are associated with certain people, places, or events that you had assumed were beyond your control.

How Do One Get Better At Being Mindful?

Being mindful isn’t something that you are born knowing how to do or not know how to do; it’s about practicing these three steps until they become second nature.

Mindfulness has various benefits for both physical and mental health.

The Benefits Of Mindfulness

Reduce Depression and Anxiety

Studies have shown that it can reduce blood pressure, improve immune function, reduce anxiety and depression symptoms, enhance emotional processing after a stressful event occurs, increase focus on tasks at hand rather than worrying about past experiences or future concerns.

Helps To Remain In The Moment

Mindfulness practices help individuals reduce their emotional reactivity to unpleasant life experiences and allows them to live in the present moment instead of stewing about things that have already happened or are likely to happen in the future.

Increases Focus

A study conducted with college students showed that practicing mindfulness led to better academic performance by increasing focus on coursework rather than worrying about grades or other external pressures that students may feel will determine how smart they are compared to others.

Helps To Remain In Control

Mindfulness is important for healthy individuals because they can use it as a coping mechanism in times of anxiety, stress, and sadness when they feel out of control.

Mindfulness Is For Everyone, But Might Not Be

Although mindfulness has these physical health benefits, it is important for people without any mental health problems to understand what types of situations would make them better candidates for mindfulness practices.

People In Stressful Environments

Those with mental health disorders or even normal individuals in high-stress situations may benefit the most from mindfulness exercises to help them cope with these intense life pressures.

Photo by Marcus Aurelius from Pexels

People In The Opposite Position

Although there are many benefits of mindfulness meditation, it is not necessary to practice this technique if a person does not feel like they need strategies to alleviate stress in their lives. For example, if someone’s job was not stressful but chose to practice mindfulness techniques anyway, that person would likely experience no benefits.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Alcohol can be incredibly addictive and many people find themselves struggling with managing how much they drink. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are generally the two terms that are used to describe someone who suffers from drinking too much.

Long term diseases

Every time you drink, you damage your body a little bit more. One of the better-known symptoms of alcohol abuse is damage to the liver. However, there is a lot of other damage that can be caused too. High blood pressure, stroke, and a range of cancers can come as part of an alcohol-destroyed body. There is hope though. Once you stop drinking, your body can begin to heal itself and your risk of suffering from these illnesses begins to reduce.

Legal issues

As an addict, you may not think twice about getting into your car and going for a drive while you are drunk. This is dangerous and illegal. If you end up with some drivers license suspensions because of your drinking, it might be a good time to have a look at how alcohol is affecting your life. You might need to ask yourself if you have a problem with the amount that you are drinking if you think you are in some sort of legal trouble.

Violence

Alcohol is known for lowering inhibitions so it is not surprising that someone who abuses alcohol may suffer from increased levels of violence towards themselves and others. When it comes to domestic violence, drinking is one of the main causes of violent outbursts, with 55% of incidents involving alcohol. These outbursts can result in you spending some time in prison and the pain of a loved one. Some of these incidents can result in the death of a loved one.

Mental health

We know that drinking can affect your body physically but it can also affect you mentally. When you abuse alcohol, you run the risk of becoming addicted. Drinking alcohol affects the neural pathways and can make it difficult to remember things. It is this effect on your body that can cause other issues such as violence and poor decision-making.

Long term

Every time you drink, you run the risk of developing various issues. However, these issues all add up and can cause a lifetime of pain. There is the physical pain of the diseases, the mental pain of the mental health issues, and the pain that you can cause others. Over time, these issues can destroy your relationships, give you a lot of legal issues, and can result in a shorter lifespan. 

All in all, you can see that drinking too much can have a negative impact on your life. So, before you go reaching for that bottle to help you cool off at the end of a hard day, ask yourself if it is worth it. If you feel that you are having issues, there are many organisations that help you manage your behavior and help get you back on the right track.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Living in constant pain can make you feel like you are alone and there is no one who can help or even understands what you are going through. Chronic pain conditions vary and each person living with chronic pain will have their own pain thresholds and triggers. At times, it may seem like there is nothing you can do, especially when traditional pain medication doesn’t have any effect. It is at times like this when people try other methods of medicating and having CBD preroll packaging on hand for alternative medication can be hugely beneficial.

For some, different types of pains and symptoms can be managed or even eradicated with a few changes to your diet. It may seem futile however if nothing else is working you have nothing to lose by trying. Adapt what you do during your day-to-day life to see if different things affect your pain level. For example, many chronic pain patients credit the sun and warmth for lowering their pain levels. For this reason, it could be worth looking into how you can increase your vitamin D intake and get more sun into your life.

Many people find adding exercise into their lives can help with certain types of pain. Working up slowly to adding beneficial exercise to your daily routine as and when you can help you to look after your body despite your pain levels. Yoga, pilates, and simple stretching exercise will help you to remain fit and supple and in some cases decrease your pain levels.

There is no scientific evidence that links drastic diet changes with the eradication of pain from chronic pain conditions. However, it is thought that certain types of foods can inflame the body in different ways making pain worse. From cutting out dairy to reduce additional IBS symptoms or abdominal pain to avoiding nightshade foods to reduce pain and inflammation for Fibromyalgia, arthritis, and more.

There have also been suggestions that eating clean and switching to a more plant-based diet can help control pain levels. While fatty and processed foods aren’t healthy for anyone when overconsumed, there is nothing to lose by changing up your diet and eating a more natural diet, and reducing your meat, specifically red meat intake.

Many chronic pain sufferers will all tell you that sleeping is a problem. It’s a vicious circle to be told you need to get more sleep yet sleep is elusive due to your pain. But by creating as relaxing a sleep environment as can help you to relax even if you can’t sleep. Your body repairs itself during sleep and getting good quality sleep remains important despite your health condition. 

Find your optimal sleeping temperature and noise level, try using a white noise app if you needed, and also use comfortable bedding. Set your limits for screen time and electronics and try to create a relaxing bedtime routine that indicates you are ready for sleep. This won’t always be possible but it is worth persevering to help you improve your sleep quality.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda 

 

IDEAS.TED.COM

Aug 23, 2016 / Guy Winch

Everyone is in favor of high self-esteem — but cultivating it can be surprisingly tough. Psychologist Guy Winch explains why — and describes smart ways we can help build ourselves up.

Many of us recognize the value of improving our feelings of self-worth. When our self-esteem is higher, we not only feel better about ourselves, we are more resilient as well. Brain scan studies demonstrate that when our self-esteem is higher, we are likely to experience common emotional wounds such as rejection and failure as less painful, and bounce back from them more quickly. When our self-esteem is higher, we are also less vulnerable to anxiety; we release less cortisol into our bloodstream when under stress, and it is less likely to lingerin our system.

But as wonderful as it is to have higher self-esteem, it turns out that improving it is no easy task. Despite the endless array of articles, programs and products promising to enhance our self-esteem, the reality is that many of them do not work and some are even likely to make us feel worse.

Part of the problem is that our self-esteem is rather unstable to begin with, as it can fluctuate daily, if not hourly. Further complicating matters, our self-esteem comprises both our global feelings about ourselves as well as how we feel about ourselves in the specific domains of our lives (e.g., as a father, a nurse, an athlete, etc.).  The more meaningful a specific domain of self-esteem, the greater the impact it has on our global self-esteem. Having someone wince when they taste the not-so-delicious dinner you prepared will hurt a chef’s self-esteem much more than someone for whom cooking is not a significant aspect of their identity.

Lastly, having high self-esteem is indeed a good thing, but only in moderation. Very high self-esteem — like that of narcissists — is often quite brittle. Such people might feel great about themselves much of the time but they also tend to be extremely vulnerable to criticism and negative feedback and respond to it in ways that stunts their psychological self-growth.

That said, it is certainly possible to improve our self-esteem if we go about it the right way. Here are five ways to nourish your self-esteem when it is low:

1. Use positive affirmations correctly

Positive affirmations such as “I am going to be a great success!” are extremely popular, but they have one critical problem — they tend to make people with low self-worth feel worse about themselves. Why? Because when our self-esteem is low, such declarations are simply too contrary to our existing beliefs. Ironically, positive affirmations do work for one subset of people — those whose self-esteem is already high. For affirmations to work when your self-esteem is lagging, tweak them to make them more believable. For example, change “I’m going to be a great success!” to “I’m going to persevere until I succeed!”

2. Identify your competencies and develop them

Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them.  

3. Learn to accept compliments

One of the trickiest aspects of improving self-esteem is that when we feel bad about ourselves we tend to be more resistant to compliments — even though that is when we most need them. So, set yourself the goal to tolerate compliments when you receive them, even if they make you uncomfortable (and they will). The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”). In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger.

4. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion 

Unfortunately, when our self-esteem is low, we are likely to damage it even further by being self-critical. Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism (which is almost always entirely useless, even if it feels compelling) with self-compassion. Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation (we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves) and direct those comments to yourself. Doing so will avoid damaging your self-esteem further with critical thoughts, and help build it up instead.

5. Affirm your real worth

The following exercise has been demonstrated to help revive your self-esteem after it sustained a blow: Make a list of qualities you have that are meaningful in the specific context. For example, if you got rejected by your date, list qualities that make you a good relationship prospect (for example, being loyal or emotionally available); if you failed to get a work promotion, list qualities that make you a valuable employee (you have a strong work ethic or are responsible). Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay (one to two paragraphs) about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost.

The bottom line is improving self-esteem requires a bit of work, as it involves developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits but doing so, and especially doing so correctly, will provide a great emotional and psychological return on your investment.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who is a leading advocate for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. His three TED Talks have been viewed over 20 million times, and his science-based self-help books have been translated into 26 languages. He also writes the Squeaky Wheel blog for PsychologyToday.com and has a private practice in New York City.

IDEAS.TED.COM

Apr 29, 2016 / Kate Torgovnick May

Emily Pidgeon

You don’t “find your calling,” you fight for it — and other lessons from people who found their passion (sometimes late in life).

Whether it was during a career aptitude test or in a heart-to-heart chat after getting laid off, chances are someone has talked to you about how to “find your calling.” It’s one of those phrases people toss about. But StoryCorps founder Dave Isay takes issue with it … specifically, the verb.

“Finding your calling — it’s not passive,” he says. “When people have found their calling, they’ve made tough decisions and sacrifices in order to do the work they were meant to do.”

In other words, you don’t just “find” your calling — you have to fight for it. And it’s worth the fight. “People who’ve found their calling have a fire about them,” says Isay, the winner of the 2015 TED Prize. “They’re the people who are dying to get up in the morning and go do their work.”

Over a decade of listening to StoryCorps interviews, Isay noticed that people often share the story of how they discovered their calling — and now, he’s collected dozens of great stories on the subject into a new book, Callings: The Purpose and Passion of Work. Below, he shares 7 takeaways from the hard-won fight to find the work you love.

1. Your calling is at the intersection of a Venn diagram of three things: doing something you’re good at, feeling appreciated, and believing your work is making people’s lives better. “When those three things line up, it’s like lightning,” Isay says. He doesn’t suggest that a person has to be a surgeon saving lives to feel like they have a calling; think of the diner waitress who talks to customers and makes them feel loved. How do you find this overlap? “You have to shut out all the chatter of what your friends are telling you to do, what your parents are telling you to do, what society is telling you to do,” Isay says, “and just go to that quiet place inside you that knows the truth.”

2. Your calling often comes out of difficult experiences. What lurks in that quiet place will be a defining experience — quite possibly a painful one. Isay points to an interview in Callings with 24-year-old teacher Ayodeji Ogunniyi. “He was studying to be a doctor when his father was murdered. He realized that what he was really meant to do was be a teacher,” says Isay. “He says that every time he walks into a classroom, his father is walking in with him.” This theme of people turning their hardest experiences into a new path runs throughout the book. “Having an experience that really shakes you and reminds you of your mortality can be a very clarifying event in people’s lives. Oftentimes, it leads to changes,” he says. “We spend a lot of time working, so it can really change your priorities in terms of work life.”

3. Calling often takes courage and ruffles feathers. Elsewhere in Callings, we hear about Wendell Scott, who became the first African-American NASCAR driver in 1952, and kept on driving despite threats against his life. From scientist Dorothy Warburton who dealt with extreme sexism as she conducted research to break the stigma around miscarriage. From Burnell Cotlon, who opened the first grocery store in the Lower 9th Ward after Hurricane Katrina because he wasn’t about to let his old neighborhood’s spirit fade. Calling, says Isay, very often starts with taking a stand against a status quo that simply isn’t acceptable, and then dedicating your work to changing it: “It’s work ignited by hope, love, or defiance — and stoked by purpose and persistence.”

4. Other people often nudge you toward calling. Sharon Long had worked odd jobs most of her life. As Isay tells it, “Her daughter was going to college, and as the bursar was helping them with financial aid forms, she said quietly to herself, ‘I wish I could’ve gone to college.’ The bursar responded, ‘It’s not too late.’” Sharon enrolled in an art program, and on her advisor’s suggestion, took forensic anthropology as her science. “The advisor suggested it for no other reason than he thought it was the easiest science course for the science requirement,” says Isay. “But the minute she sat in that class, it was boom — this is what she was meant to do.” Isay tells this story to illustrate how calling, while very personal, is also relational. “People bump you this way and that way,” he says, often without realizing it. “When people find their callings, they want to honor those people who helped them get there.”

5. What comes after identifying your calling is what really matters. The old ‘finding your calling’ phraseology makes it sound like a calling is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow — you find it, and the story’s over. But Isay stresses that your calling is an ongoing process. “Understanding what your calling is — that’s very different than the blood, sweat and tears of actually doing it,” he says. Pursuing a calling may require going back to school or apprenticing; it may require starting a business. Often, notes Isay, it leads a person into a line of work that’s in service of others. “This book is basically a love letter to nurses, teachers, social workers — the people who don’t often get celebrated for the work they do,” he says.

6. Age is irrelevant. Isay found his calling when he was 21 and interviewed a man who’d been part of the Stonewall riots. “The minute I hit record, I knew that being a journalist and interviewing people was what I was going to do for the rest of my life,” he says. “I feel very lucky that lightning struck when I was very young.” But collecting stories for the book reminded him that a calling can be discovered at any age. The book includes an interview with someone who knew they wanted to be an NBA referee at age 15, and another who worked as an accountant for 30 years before discovering his passion for slicing lox. “Doing the work you’re meant to do is one of the most satisfying, remarkable experiences that a person can have,” says Isay, “so never give up.”

7. Calling often doesn’t come with a big paycheck. Another trend Isay sees in stories of people who find their calling: they often involve leaving a high-paying job for one that’s lower-paying but more satisfying. “The message we send to young people is that you want to do as little work as you can to make as much money as you can — that’s the dream,” says Isay. “But the wisdom in the StoryCorps archive is that there’s another, much more rewarding dream of taking risks and working very hard to live with integrity.” In the end, that’s the lesson he took away from writing this book. “There are no millionaires, no billionaires, no celebrities, nobody with a big Twitter following,” he says. “Just stories can teach us a lot about lives fully lived.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kate Torgovnick May is a writer at TED.com. She can also solve a Rubik’s Cube in less than two minutes. Read more about her work at KateTorgovnickMay.com.

IDEAS.TED.COM

Aug 30, 2019 / Esther Wojcicki

iStock

If kids don’t feel trusted — or if there isn’t anyone close to them whom they can rely on — they can really suffer. Esther Wojcicki, an educator and mother of three superstar daughters, explains why trust is essential and how to build it in the young people in our lives.

Esther Wojcicki has inspired thousands of kids through her 35-year-and-counting career as a journalism and English teacher at Palo Alto High School in California. She and her husband, Stanley, have also raised three exceptionally accomplished daughters: Susan (YouTube CEO), Janet, a Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher), and Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andMe). So she knows quite a bit about helping young people grow into great grown-ups. Here, she writes about the critical importance of trust and how to cultivate it in children, starting at a very early age. 

All you need is one person, just one person who trusts and believes in you, and then you feel you can do anything. Unfortunately, a lot of children — like Michael, a former student of mine — don’t have even one person. Michael was an editor-in-chief of the Campanile, Palo Alto High School’s newspaper, in 2013, and his struggles represent those of many other young people.

For Michael, the pressures started early. “I had very strict parents,” he says. “They would tell me if I didn’t do well in school, I’d be homeless.” His early teachers weren’t very supportive either, and people misinterpreting his behavior and motivations became a common theme in his life. “I would get admonished,” he says, “by peers and educators telling me if I followed the rules and paid attention, of course I’d do better. It was almost part of my core being, to be this thing that was trodden on; everything I did turned into some kind of moral shortcoming.”

By the time he made it to my class, Michael described himself as “completely burned out like a pile of ash.” The school newspaper was the only thing he derived any meaning from, and still he could barely muster the will to show up. But he did. I got to know him as a bright but disconnected kid. He’d come into class and have no idea what he wanted to do or write about.

I’ve seen so many students like this — they’re afraid but they’re also rebellious. They’re not cooperative. They’re difficult, even aggressive, and it’s because every single one of them feels bad about themselves. They’re constantly trying to prove to themselves — and to others — that they’re better than everyone thinks, but they’re constantly scared they’ll fall short.

During one of our production nights, Michael was struggling with music theory homework. “I was exhausted, trying to figure out this assignment,” he says, “and I was half-assing it.” Other students teased him for struggling, and he thought to himself, as he often did, “That’s right, I can’t do it.” I saw what was happening, walked up to the kids, and said, “He’s taking longer because he’s smart.” I knew deep down that Michael wanted to get it right, not just rush through it.

This was the first time that Michael had heard an adult say his abilities and intelligence were seen and respected. “To hear outside confirmation that someone believed in me,” he says, “even in the presence of other students who didn’t — it was awesome. It helped me not to crumble.”

That day was a turning point for him. He started to trust himself and called on this newfound confidence during his undergraduate years whenever he encountered obstacles or someone told him he’d never make it. He went on to earn a degree in neuroscience at Johns Hopkins, where he’s now a neuropsychiatric researcher. He’d found his one person to believe in him by accident, and it made all the difference.

Parents and teachers can sometimes forget how important we are in the lives of our children. We have so much control we have in shaping their confidence and self-image. And it all starts with trust, with believing a child is capable, even through setbacks, surprises and all the complications that come with growing up.

Trust empowers kids, whether it’s in the classroom or in the world at large, and the process of developing trust starts earlier than you think. Infants who are securely attached to their parents — who feel they can trust and depend on them — avoid many behavioral, social, and psychological problems that can arise later. A child’s fundamental sense of security in the world is based on their caregiver being someone they can rely upon.

Remember, trust is mutual. The degree to which your children can trust you will become reflected in their own ability to trust. Studies show that children rated as less trustworthy by their teachers exhibit higher levels of aggression and lower levels of “prosocial behavior” such as collaborating and sharing. Distrust in children has also been associated with their social withdrawal and loneliness.

If we don’t feel trusted when we’re kids — or if there isn’t anyone close to us we can trust — we have difficulty getting over it. We grow up thinking we’re not trustworthy, and we accept it as a character trait. Like Michael, we become what we think we are, and we can suffer for it.

So how do we go about building trust in our children? We typically think of trust as handing our teenager the car keys and permitting them to drive on their own, or letting our 12-year-old stay home alone for the first time. But trust needs to start soon after kids are born.

Babies observe our every move as they learn how to get what they need from us. They know how to make us smile. They know how to make us cry. They may be dependent on us for everything, but they’re a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. You need to respond to their needs, especially early on so they can feel you and their environment are trustworthy, but it’s also a fantastic time to start teaching your child some important lessons.

Many parents are operating from their own insecurities or doubts: Doesn’t their child need them? And if they don’t, what kind of parents are they? I firmly believe that you want your child to want to be with you, not to need to be with you.

This tension first arises with sleep. Your children can and will sleep on their own if you believe they can do it and if you teach them how. Kids learn to self-soothe, when given the opportunity, by sucking their thumbs, using pacifiers, or playing with toys. My daughters always had stuffed animals, and sometimes I’d wake up and find Susan talking to her teddy bear. Janet used to sing in bed. Because we’d built a relationship of trust, they learned they could entertain themselves and meet a lot of their own needs which meant that my husband and I got to sleep. A win-win.

As kids grow, they can be given more and more opportunities to build their own trustworthiness. The choices you make with your child will dictate the culture of your family. You always want to ask yourself whether you’re actively building trust in them or whether you’re shutting your child down. For young children, little achievements can build their trust and belief in themselves. They tie their own shoes, and it works! They put on their own clothes, and it works! They walk to school, and that works too! Through these small victories, they can see the tangible results of their efforts.

While you can’t always trust a small child to make intelligent choices, you can guide him in considering options and picking the best one. If I gave my nine-year-old grandson a lollipop and told him not to eat it, I know he still would. But if I explained why he shouldn’t eat it, that sugar isn’t healthy and might even give him cavities and that eating it before dinner will spoil his appetite, he could start to learn how to make better choices. OK, he might go ahead and eat the lollipop anyway, but as we work on these kinds of decisions over time, he would build the skills for living a healthy life and take care of himself.

Each age brings its own instances of trust. When my daughters were around 5, I’d ask them whether they were hungry and then I’d believe their answer. I did bring snacks with me in case they misjudged their hunger. If we were on a long car ride and they didn’t want to eat when we stopped for a meal, I’d explain we wouldn’t stop at another restaurant for several hours and I’d let them determine what to do. I trusted them with their eating decisions.

With teenagers, parents can cultivate trust in a series of steps. For instance, here is how I’d build trust with shopping, one of my favorite educational activities.

Step 1: The parent does everything, selecting and buying all items needed by a child.
Step 2: You trust your child to go with you to the store, and you allow them to make most of the purchasing decisions (giving kids a specific budget is a wonderful way to teach financial responsibility).
Step 3: You let your child gather the needed items on their own; the two of you meet at the registers at a set time and make the final purchases together.
Step 4: Once you’ve built a foundation of trust and taught your child how to be responsible with money, you can give them your credit card and let them shop on their own (many major credit cards allow you to add a minor as an authorized user). Of course, you’ll check the charges and teach them to verify the credit card statement with you at the end of the month.

Another way to gauge your teenager’s trustworthiness is by testing whether they make good on their word. They said they’d be home by 8 PM — were they? If they were late, did they call or text to tell you in advance? After they prove themselves trustworthy, increase their freedoms and responsibilities.

And if they still need to learn to come home on time, have a conversation about what went wrong and troubleshoot together for the next time. Some kids just have a hard time being on time, but don’t give up — give them more opportunities to learn. After all, time management is a skill that many adults lack, too.

If children aren’t empowered with trust and if they don’t feel trustworthy, they’ll have a very difficult time becoming independent. They won’t learn to trust and respect themselves. When we are fearful and hover over our children, they become afraid.

Excerpted from the new book How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki. Copyright © 2019 Esther Wojcicki. Used with permission from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Watch her TEDxBerkeley 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist and mother of Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andme), Susan (YouTube CEO), and Janet (Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher). A leader in blended learning and the integration of technology into education, she is the founder of the Media Arts programs at Palo Alto High School. Wojcicki serves as vice chair of Creative Commons and was instrumental in the launch of the Google Teachers Academy. She blogs regularly for Huffington Post and is coauthor of the book Moonshots in Education.

Many people can fall into a slump during the colder winter months when there is less sunlight and motivation is low, but there are some easy ways to lift your spirits.

A good way to raise yourself from a slump is to create a vision board. A vision board is a collection of images and keywords that you design and assemble on a large piece of paper, for example, which visualises your hopes and dreams for the future. Vision boards are motivational, particularly when you lose sight of what you are working for. They are equally beneficial for when life becomes a little monotonous.

Some ideas to include in a vision board are career aspirations, travel plans, and personal growth targets.

Making a vision board can calm your mind, as it taps into your creativity and helps you focus on your current action. Plus, seeing your finished work day after day is sure to encourage inspiration.

It’s important to reach out to friends, relatives, or companions when you are feeling low. Even if you are feeling cheerful, getting in contact with someone you have not spoken to in a while might raise their spirits without you even realizing it.

As we get older, we tend to get stuck in our daily routines and forget that life is about connections and relationships. Older adults can especially yearn for a chat, or for a helping hand, which is why Seniors Helping Seniors is an invaluable service.

‘Going for a run’ is easier said than done for a lot of us. Especially in the cold, wet weather, running can be a real drag. However, there are plenty of alternative sports and fitness activities that will make you forget you’re even exercising – you’ll be having that much fun.

For one, dancing is a great way to release energy and work up a sweat with a smile on your face. You don’t need a studio to let your hair down, dancing in your room is encouraged. Whack on your favorite tunes and spend 20 minutes to an hour moving about to the music.

If mobility is an issue for you, swimming is an excellent way to stay fit and prevent any muscle or joint discomfort.

Walking and power-walking is also another way to get your daily exercise without it seeming too strenuous. For those busy days, this activity can tie in with work or socializing, as you could schedule a walking meeting or catch-up. Or, if you need a break from everything, going for a solo walk is a sure way to clear your head. You could even find a scenic route and make a trip out of it, rather than just walking around the block.

A simple way to distract yourself from the winter blues is to have a giggle. So, get comfy and pick a comedy film or stand-up show you know you will like, and even if you can’t muster a belly laugh, just feeling yourself smile can brighten your mood.

There are also plenty of apps and old-school games that will have you rolling on the floor laughing with friends or family. For smartphone users, try Heads Up!, it’s like a digital version of charades that can be played anywhere. Or if you’re at home, a card game like Snap or Uno is sure to cheer you up.

Going to bed early is never more important than in the winter. Our wellbeing depends on us getting a decent amount of sleep. For some people that means 8 hours of shuteye, for others, it’s more. 

Find out what works for you, and go to bed at a time that allows for a full 8+ hours sleep until daybreak, so the sunrise works as a natural alarm clock. Seeing a full days-worth of sunlight can improve your mood dramatically. This is because catching the sun’s rays each day is associated with an increased level of serotonin in the body, a hormone that stabilizes our feelings of wellbeing. 

If you have considerable worries, or stress is getting on top of you. It’s a good idea to let out your thoughts and emotions either via pen or verbally with a counselor or therapist. Writing or talking about it can help you release negative feelings and therefore improve your wellbeing.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Quite a few people need to take a step back from working full-time. There are multiple reasons why this could be the case. Anxiety and other conditions could make having a formal job relatively difficult. You’ll still want to be productive and work, however.

That could feel like a catch-22 situation. It doesn’t have to be. Working from home can be an effective alternative option. Not only can you still be productive, but you can take things at a pace that suits you. Many of these will be freelance, so you can work as and when you want.

That could make freelancing an attractive option for many people. You’ll need to think about what kind of freelance jobs you can do. Thankfully, some are relatively easy to start. Once you gain more confidence with it, you can do more. You can even cut down on hours if you wanted.

Some come much better recommended than others.

Freelance Jobs That Shouldn’t Be Too Mentally Taxing

Writer/Editor

Writing has been one of the most popular freelancing jobs globally in the past few years. That’s driven by the wealth of different writing jobs you can get. While many people choose to blog, copywriting and online journalism have also been relatively common.

You’ll have to master a few skills for this. Thankfully, however, there are countless online resources available for you to do so. Some of the more notable of these revolve around search engine optimization, converting readers, and more.

With these roles, you’ll typically be hired by clients to work on specific content. These can range from email content to sales and marketing pages. Though compensation mightn’t be great at the start, you should see your income shoot up as you prove your worth.

Becoming a freelance editor is also an option, although you’ll typically need several years of experience before you can achieve this. With the position, you’ll work with writers to refine their content, among other duties.

Virtual Receptionist

You might assume that a receptionist will have to be based in an office. That doesn’t have to be the case. Companies like Virtual Headquarters have become known for providing many receptionist services to businesses. That’s made possible by various tools and software, which you could take advantage of.

A virtual receptionist is exactly what you think it is. They’re usually responsible for answering customer calls, scheduling appointments, and much more. Almost all of the duties you’d expect a typical receptionist to do, although it’s done from home. While there are some tasks that can’t be done this way, the majority of them can.

If you’re a people person, but would rather have little physical contact or avoid somewhat crowded places, then this could be the right role for you. 

eLearning Professional

Online learning has become quite popular in the past decade or so. That’s primarily driven by younger audiences who are more comfortable with technology than previous generations. The courses that people learn from need to be created by somebody. That could be you.

If you’re experienced or knowledgeable about a specific topic, then you could create an online course about it. To properly capitalize on this, however, you’ll need to have built up some kind of reputation surrounding a given topic. While that could complicate matters, it should be one of your only obstacles.

If you don’t want to create an online course, you could try coaching. That could revolve around wellness, finances, spirituality, or something else. Though you’ll still have to build a reputation for yourself, it could be a popular freelance job.

Web Developer

Web development has boomed over the past few decades, and it shows no sign of slowing down. Coders and programmers, alongside designers, have been some of the more popular freelancing jobs in this sector. If you’re good with technology and have an eye for detail, then this could be up your alley.

Small businesses and entrepreneurs will need websites just as much as international brands. These smaller companies can often be easier to work with, as they’ll typically only need short, one-off jobs. That could make them much more stress-free than working with larger firms.

When you’re first starting, that could be a recommended approach.

Dropshipping

If you’ve already considered freelancing jobs, then you might have thought about selling products online. The thought of finding a supplier and manufacturer for your products, alongside figuring out the rest of the supply chain, could be too overwhelming. There’s a way around this, however.

Dropshipping is the act of selling products on behalf of other companies. As an online retailer, you can set up a website filled with products from different manufacturers. When someone places a purchase through your website, the manufacturer or supplier fulfills the order.

You then get a portion of the sale. There is a lot of competition here, however, and profits can be relatively low. If you’ve proven yourself good enough, you could make a sizable income.

Affiliate Marketing

Similar to dropshipping, affiliate marketing is a great way to sell products online without worrying about logistics. You’ll need to have a well-trafficked website or popular social media channels to properly take advantage of this, however.

Affiliate marketing involves inserting ads into your content or otherwise advertising another company’s product. If someone purchases the product through your link, you’ll get a percentage of the sale.

To make a decent income with this, you’ll need to know how to properly advertise your content. If you don’t have a decent following online, then this mightn’t be the option for you.

Wrapping Up

Full-time employment, especially in an office environment, can be difficult for many people. That can make freelancing jobs much more attractive. Since you can set your hours and work from home, there’s a lot less stress involved. If you’re tempted, they will take some effort to get off the ground.

Once you’ve done that, however, you shouldn’t have too much of an issue managing your workload. That balance can make your life much less stressful while letting you work on your mental health.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

The world of entrepreneurship can be stressful. This is because so many responsibilities come with starting and running your own business. This is why it’s essential to take care of yourself, so you don’t burn out or get sick! In this post, we’ll talk about four ways entrepreneurs can reduce stress while working.

Get Enough Sleep Everyday

You can’t be productive if you’re exhausted, so make sure you get enough sleep every night. If you have trouble falling asleep at night or staying asleep through the night, there are many ways to help with that too! For example, try making your room darker by covering any lights and using an eye mask. Also, avoiding caffeine before bed will give your body a chance to calm down for sleep time. Try meditation as well – it’s excellent for reducing stress levels and helping with insomnia. So remember: getting proper rest will lower your stress levels throughout the day because of increased energy during waking hours!

Ensure Your Family is Taken Care Of 

When you’re an entrepreneur, it’s easy to put your family on the back burner. But remember: they are the ones who support and motivate you! So if possible, make sure that there is always someone home with your kids in case of emergency – or even better yet, hire a babysitter so you can be able to work when needed! It will reduce any stress caused by worrying about them constantly while working. Also, try not to bring work home with you because everyone suffers from lower moods due to tension. Also, ensure your family is taken care of if something happens to you; for appropriate life insurance, look at these PHP Agency reviews. This will not only give you peace of mind, but it will also guarantee your family will be taken care of for the foreseeable future. 

Hire An Assistant

It might seem unnecessary to hire an assistant, but if you’re struggling with managing your time or can’t seem to find enough hours in the day, it is something worth considering. An assistant will take care of all those little tasks that are eating up your valuable time! For example- they could help schedule meetings and travel arrangements; answer emails while you’re away from the office; organize files and paperwork; even research new possible collaborations for future projects – there’s a lot that someone like this can do to make your life easier! So remember: hiring an assistant might be precisely what you need to reduce stress around work.

Set Some Time Apart for Yourself 

Sometimes you might feel like your schedule is so complete that there’s no time for yourself. However, to do a good job and be productive throughout the day, it is imperative to set some time aside for yourself! For example: go sign up at the gym after work; take an evening walk with your spouse or partner; try cooking dinner together on Saturday- there are many ways you can get creative when deciding how to spend this time! So remember- even though entrepreneurship can be stressful sometimes – finding fun things to do outside of work will help reduce stress levels overall because of happier moods during waking hours.

In conclusion, entrepreneurship can be highly stressful at times. However, there are many ways you can reduce stress while working – such as getting enough sleep every night, ensuring your family is taken care of, and hiring an assistant to help with tasks around the office.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I have written several posts about my experiences with suicide. 

My father’s roommate committed suicide with my dad’s gun one evening with my dad and police standing at the locked bedroom door. What is left behind after someone commits suicide you don’t personally know is a very strange experience. 

Earlier in the day, he returned all the items he had borrowed from my dad and mowed the yard. He was taking care of business and finishing his final plan. 

We don’t know when he took my dad’s gun, he didn’t realize it was gone until after the shooting. This is a good reason to keep your guns locked. 

My granny was going over to clean up the room so my dad didn’t have to so I went to help her. 

His room had a bloody mattress, carpet, and wall. 

It was surreal to drag a bloody mattress out to the curb for the neighborhood to see. 

There were no photos in the room, nothing on the walls, no decorations. 

After we cleaned the floor and wall, we gathered his belongings to give to his parents. 

All that was in one drawer was 16 cents. I asked myself if this is what it comes down to. 

There were four black bags of clothes, that’s all. 

Nothing else for his family to remember him by, it was a very heartbreaking day. 

What’s left behind after suicide?

Melinda

Exciting News from Lin Health! Rethinking Pain Podcast: Where Science & Healing Meet hosted by Shannon Doughtery.

Listen Here

We’ve got a podcast! We are excited to share our first episode of the Rethinking Pain Podcast: Where Science & Healing Meet!   This show is brought to you by Lin Health and is hosted by Shannon Dougherty, a former chronic pain patient. Join us while Shannon explores stories of recovery and hope and shares the latest in pain science research as she interviews experts and patients alike. Tune in to hear Shannon and Charlie Merrill (MSPT) talk about pain management and neurology (and subscribe to our channel so you don’t miss an episode!). Listen on Apple Podcast Watch on YouTube  Warmly, Abigail Hirsch, Ph.D  Co-founder, Lin Health  Dr.Abigail@lin.health   I can’t wait to listen to what Shannon and Charlie have to say about pain management. Melinda

Stress can be a huge factor in our lives that drags us down and makes everything ten times more difficult. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about stress outside of just running away from it unless you deal with the root cause.

When it comes to working at home, there are countless things that can cause stress which affects our productivity and makes it hard for us to focus on our tasks. This can result in extremely unproductive days that we look back on and feel extremely bad about. So in this post, we’re going to talk about how you can keep your stress levels low when you work from home.

One of the first things to deal with is distractions. Make absolutely sure that you keep distractions at bay by understanding where they come from and why they happen. For instance, if you find that your dog is restless whenever you start working, consider taking them out for a walk and feeding them before you get started so they spend their energy and laze around. Similarly, if you find that you keep getting distracted by the TV, turn it off! If you can’t focus on something in the background, get rid of it (if possible!) and work in silence if you have to.

A lot of people forget that taking breaks is important when it comes to working from home. They don’t realize that taking a break helps to reset your mind and gives you an opportunity to catch up with other tasks. This could include returning phone calls, it could involve feeding your cat, or it could just be to stretch and walk around to give your legs a break. If you’re not already taking breaks, make sure you start doing it regularly!

It’s also a good idea to start working in a comfortable environment. Make sure that your chair is comfortable and that your posture is supported. You should consider looking at companies such as obVus Solutions to find ergonomic devices and accessories that will help you work from home without causing pain and stress on your body. A lot of us find it hard to adapt to a work-at-home environment because it’s different from our offices that are designed around healthy ergonomics, hence why many of us feel stressed when we’re stuck at home.

It’s also a good idea to separate leisure and work if you have to work from home. Sure, a lot of people answer phone calls, chat with friends, and even listen to music when they work from home. However, these things can lead to distractions and they might bleed into your regular work schedule, making you less productive. As such, you should try to separate your work and leisure as much as possible before your work tasks end up merging with your free time at home.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

We, humans, are complicated creatures capable of expressing thousands of emotions. This site shows you that anxiety and stress are common across the natural world, and animals have many ways of showing it. Unfortunately for us, humans can also be very good at hiding those emotions too, so it isn’t always possible to tell how a loved one or friend is feeling. Here are a few common signs that may suggest your friend is feeling more anxious or stressed than normal. 

Irritable 

If you have noticed that small things seem to be bothering your friend more than usual, this could be a symptom of stress or anxiety. The Calm Clinic suggests that irritability is a common sign of anxiety and can cause people to unexpectedly get upset or even lash out. If your friend has displayed these symptoms, do not be afraid to quietly and sympathetically tell them you have noticed a difference in their behavior and ask if there is anything you can do to help. They may not have noticed the change yet themselves, so give them time and space if they need it to think about their behavior and any reasons that might be causing them to feel more irritable. 

Not Sleeping

If your colleague at work is constantly reaching for the coffee, making silly mistakes, and looking exhausted, they may not be getting enough sleep. Anxiety and stress can throw off sleep patterns very quickly. According to Medical News Today, the link between stress and sleep deprivation is very common, with only 35% of Americans getting the correct amount of sleep. A lack of sleep can cause mental health problems to worsen and deepen, so sleep deprivation must be tackled. Again, this is a case of having a quiet word and asking if there is anything that keeps them up at night. If there is a worry often sharing it confidentially can help a friend to put things into perspective. Assure your friend that any discussions can be confidential, and you would only ever break confidentiality if you were worried they may harm themselves or others.

Diet Changes

Our diet can fluctuate wildly due to stress and anxiety. Some people may overeat or reach for junk food over healthier options. Others swing the other way and may cut out food altogether. Of course, dietary changes are not always linked to mental health. Only raise the question with a friend if you feel the pattern has been sustained over a substantial period, and if you suspect stress or anxiety may be the trigger for the dietary shift. You can help someone by offering to cook meals or to share lunches with them. Even a few meals in a freezer that they can reach for when they don’t have the energy to cook can make a huge difference to someone’s overall well-being. 

If your friend does let you know that they are feeling more anxious or stressed than usual, then reassure your friend that there are easy steps you can both take together which will help. Look online for expert advice and positive stories from those who have been in similar situations. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

 

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I’ve written several posts about my experiences with suicide including my own attempt at 12 years old. 

I had been contemplating suicide since I was nine years old but today was different. It was the summer I moved to live with my father, I was 12 years old and home alone.

I raided my dad’s medicine cabinet and took all the pills I could find then grabbed a bottle of Southern Comfort and started drinking.

As I got drunk and the pills started to work so I decided to go next door and talk with my neighbor. Not to share my plan but I was higher than a kite.

We continued talking and she noticed I appeared more than drunk and noticed a red line going up my arm. She asked if I had taken anything and I said yes, I planned to die.

She called my father who was 30 minutes away, by the time he got there I was in pretty bad shape. I was rushed to the hospital and my stomach was pumped.

A failed attempt.

It is important to understand that anyone can reach a point so low they consider suicide at any age. The best thing you can do is look for signs someone may be depressed and getting too low or suicidal.

Here are a few of my own thoughts:

Withdrawn

Lashing Out

Failing Grades when a good student

Talks about dying

Starts giving away their personal belongings

Cashes out their back accounts

Jumps right on a task that has been overdue with enthusiasm

These are from my personal experience with suicide including my father’s.

If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact one of the resources below, a local resource, or go to your local hospital.

National SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Press 1, Veterans Crisis Line USA
Press 2, Se Habla Español

CrisisTextLine.org
Text 741-741

Facebook.com/CrisisTextLine

IMAlive.org Crisis Chat

TheTrevorProject.org (LGBTQ Youth)
1-866-488-7386 (24/7/365)

TrevorChat (7 days/week from 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)
TrevorText — text START to 678-678 (Mon–Fri, 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)

VeteransCrisisLine.net

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255

Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 press 1

I’ll be writing more throughout the month about my personal experiences including that of my father’s suicide.

I’m here for any questions or feedback.

Melinda

Personal budgeting is a powerful tool, but few know its value. You see, most people get upset when they hear that they have to make a budget for their expenses. It is associated with discomfort, headache. Just as it is linked diet to hunger and limited food, this is because most people only resort to budgeting when things get tough and there are difficulties, just like with someone who, because he has gained a lot of weight, decides to lose weight. But this is not precisely the case. A personal budget is a necessary tool that each of us must learn to use in our lives. Its mission is not to make you limit your expenses, but to help you set aside more money or spend it more efficiently. 

Photo: Unsplash

Limit high costs

Most people who do not have a budget end up spending more than they need each month. But this exaggeration has significant implications as it limits their future economic power. The result is that they have less money left, but also create more fixed costs if the purchases are made with installments and credit cards. But when you plan how much you will spend each month and know in advance where they will go, it is easier to restrain yourself and realize when you are overdoing it. For this reason, make your own personal budget so that you know where you are. If you have types of subscriptions, then look at reassessing them. If you have car costs, then look at honest car service to ensure that you are always keeping the necessities at a lower price.

Helps you achieve your goals

A personal budget is essentially a plan that helps you prioritize where you spend your money. This means that when you create an account, you are essentially shifting your focus to the things that matter most to you. This can be repaying a loan, raising enough money to get a home, or starting your own business. The budget essentially creates the plan that you will follow and allows you to monitor your progress. 

Helps you save

People who do not use budgets will not have as much money in savings. Also, planning how you will spend your money each month helps you to avoid infringing on your existing savings. By doing things this way, you can gradually increase the money you have set aside. And the more that you save, the more you will start to feel more comfortable with your finances and of course your future. This will assist you with your home too.

Helps you be flexible

Budget work is to help you be flexible. By recording the income and expenses in detail, you can see how you can transfer money from one expense category to another. It also helps you identify issues that may arise and make the necessary adjustments.

Helps you stay in control

If you feel that you do not have control over your finances and you are always wondering where your money and salary have disappeared, your budget will help you to recover it. By setting your financial priorities and seeing on paper how you spend your money during the month, you better understand habits and patterns that hurt you. This way, it is easier to know where to stop. Having a definite plan for the month, you know what to do and what not to do, and it is easier to think about the future. Make your plans and prepare. The budget is probably the most essential tool you need to change your financial future and gives you the power to make changes right away.

It’s simple

Personal budgeting is not difficult to set up. We are not talking about a budget drawn up by a multinational or a state, where the responsibilities are significant, and the variables are many. We are talking about the account that will help you maintain order in your finances.

So if you start using it regularly, you will see that it is something simple. You can make it even easier and instead of using pen and paper, take advantage of technological advances using a corresponding application. As with anything new, you may be skeptical or feel that you do not have to bother analyzing your finances. But try it for a few months. As you apply it, you will see that you will become more familiar and it will be easier for you to manage your money properly.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Mental health issues affect one in four people. This could range from stress, anxiety, and depression, to severe mental health issues such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or borderline personality disorder. 

Often, it can be hard to understand the cause of these mental health problems. They may be triggered by something that has gone on in your life such as the loss of a loved one, or a big change such as moving to a new city, or a change in career. Whatever the cause, it is essential that you practice self-care. 

But what can you do to treat your mental health problems? 

Here are some of the steps you should take if you are experiencing any mental health difficulties in your life. 

Speak To Your Doctor 

If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression in your life, then you should speak with your doctor at the earliest possible opportunity. Your doctor should talk you through what is happening in your life in order to understand whether you should be treated with self-care,

antidepressant medication, or whether you would be a suitable candidate for talking therapy such as cognitive behavior therapy. 

Speak To A Counselor 

If you are able to speak with a counselor, do so. You may be able to get referred to one by your doctor. If not, there are plenty of specialist counselors that will be able to take you on. 

Different counselors and therapists will have their own approaches to dealing with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Make sure that you are happy with the counselor’s approach before you commit to a course of sessions with them. 

Use CBD And Other Alternative Treatments

One of the areas that there is growing research into is the use of alternative treatments such as CBD. CBD comes from the same plant as cannabis except it doesn’t have any of the psychoactive ingredients as cannabis does. It just relaxes you and relieves symptoms of stress and anxiety. 

Another alternative treatment option may be psychedelics. You can read more about this at psychedelicspotlight.com. 

Eat Well

There is a lot that can be said about the way that you eat. By making sure that you are eating a balanced diet, you will be able to help to give yourself the energy that you need to keep going. 

To fight off stress and depression with your diet you should look at getting your starch fix with whole grains and beans. You should be sure to eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Instead of eating red meats, you should eat fatty fish like salmon or tuna. Finally, add in healthy fats, such as raw nuts and olive oil.

Exercise 

Exercising is a great way of clearing your head. It gives you endorphins which is a feel-good hormone that will balance out the stress hormones that your body will naturally be producing. 

Start small. Even going for a short walk will be very helpful. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Change is constant and although many people feel resistant to it, change can actually be very beneficial. As the saying goes a change can be as good as a rest and there are many reasons for this. Change can bring a number of opportunities and give you a new perspective on life. A fresh start can also be a positive thing and learning to adapt to change is a useful skill for many situations. Whether it’s moving to a different place or embarking on a new career, there are several reasons a change can be positive.

New beginnings

If you’re looking for a fresh start, something as challenging as moving house could even lead to many positive things. Moving doesn’t need to be as stressful as it sounds and there are ways to sell my home fast. Many companies offer help to those who need to sell their home quickly and even offer cash in exchange for real estate. New beginnings mean you can start with a clean slate and get out of the rut that you might be in.

More opportunities

A change at work could lead to plenty of exciting business opportunities. If you’re ready for a career change this could bring many new possibilities for you to earn more money and learn new skills in the future. Employers also favor candidates who are able to show an ability to adapt to change and an eagerness to progress in different areas. 

Personal development

Doing a bit of soul searching is also a great way to learn about yourself and focus on personal development. It’s a good idea to make a list of priorities as these can change as you get older. This will help you with professional development as well and to figure out what kind of lifestyle you would like in the future. You will be able to decide what’s important to you workwise and where you would like to live a few years down the line.

A different perspective

There are many reasons why you should look at things from a different perspective from time to time. It helps you to reinforce your values and learn from others. Trying to see something from someone else’s point of view will help you think more objectively and become more open-minded. You’ll even be able to be more self-aware as a person and this could have a positive impact on your personal and professional relationships.

Gain strength

The strength you need in order to face change will benefit you in the future. You’ll be stronger in the face of adversity and be more capable of finding a new solution to different problems. Change allows many people to become stronger over time. The ability to adapt to change is a good skill to develop and it can help you in both your professional career and personal life. There are many ways in which leaving your comfort zone once in a while can be beneficial. A change of scenery is a great way to gain perspective.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Recovering from the trauma of any sort – be that emotional or physical – is a long road. It can be difficult and lonely, but that doesn’t mean you can’t heal and survive. If you feel overwhelmed by the path ahead of you. 

Start talking

Traumas of any kind can cause huge emotional destabilization, and so to mitigate the risk of this impacting your life even more than the event itself, it’s time to start talking. You can share your feelings, experiences, and thoughts with a friend or a loved one, or just someone you trust. Equally, some people find it easier to speak to someone they don’t know – and thanks to online therapy, it’s easier than ever. Ensuring you aren’t isolated and you are receiving some support is an important part of your healing journey. 

Get moving 

An effective way of handling trauma is to move your body. Studies have shown that it can help reduce stress and promote emotional healing after a trauma. If you’re well and able, gentle movement is great for the body and soul. It doesn’t have to be exhausting – simply going for a daily walk or heading to the local pool for a swim. If you find the idea of getting out too much for you right now, you could relax with some calming yoga on YouTube.

Foster good habits 

It can be easy to sink into bad habits when you’re recovering from trauma – that could be not leaving the house, sleeping all day, drinking too much, or not eating well. While these can be understandable reactions to something that has happened, they will not help your recovery. If you feel able, try and build more positive habits in your day. These habits will depend on you and your needs, but they could be to wake up at the same time every morning, shower once a day, and get outside for at least five minutes of fresh air. Whatever these habits are, keep them up and praise yourself when you stick to them. 

Self-care 

Self-care is an incredibly personal thing, so it’s important to consider what constitutes self-care for you. Do you enjoy a candlelit bath? Or have you discovered that mindfulness and meditation help you to feel good? Whatever things make you feel cared for, write them down on a list, so that when you do need to practice self-care, you don’t have to think about what will make you feel better, you just need to refer to the list! 

Call in the professionals 

In your recovery, there may be a moment when you realize you need more than just the help of a friend or a meditation, and that is a powerful realization. For some, the help of a professional could mean a psychiatrist or therapist, whereas for others that could mean seeking alcohol treatment in a center or with a group. Whatever your need is, it’s a strong moment when you learn to take care of yourself. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Getting into a fitness routine, pushing yourself, and reaching your goals takes a lot of time and energy, as well as a big commitment to yourself and your health. So when your health suffers, either through an injury or an illness, it can really set you back and put you right back at square one.

Feeling like you’ve got to start over with your fitness is a common feeling, and it can really affect your confidence. Whether you feel like you can’t do it or that things are harder than they used to be, it’s important to get back on that horse. Exercise will help improve your physical health and boost your mental health, and it can be a welcome part of your routine once you’ve found your feet again.

Here is some advice to help you regain the confidence to work out when you’ve suffered a setback.

Set yourself some manageable goals

While it’s understandable that you’ll want to be back where your fitness used to be, it isn’t going to happen overnight. If you try to move too quickly, you could end up injured or losing further confidence from not getting the same results as you once did.

Start by setting yourself some manageable fitness goals, aims you can work towards slowly, helping you to regain technique and basic fitness first. From increasing the times of your workouts to making it to the gym a certain number of times a week, start with goals that are realistic before building up to bigger ones.

Choose workout clothes that help your performance 

The workout clothes you wear can help you feel more confident about working out. You should choose items that are comfortable, supportive, and can help keep you cool too. Treating yourself to some new outfits will help you feel in a better mindset for working out. Brands are more attune to the different needs of people now, so you can find great selections for curvier shapes, as well as amputee leggings and other items that can help give you a boost. Always make sure you have the right type of shoes for your workout to make sure you’re better protected against injury.

Ease yourself in, and consider working with someone else

Fitness is something that needs to be built up over time. So if you’re getting back into things after a long period away, ease yourself in gently. Walking and swimming can be gentle, effective exercises to start until you’re feeling fitter and stronger. Take a look at fitness plans from others in your position to see how they’ve eased themselves back into exercise.

It can also help if you work out with someone else, such as a friend or personal trainer who can help make sure you’ve got the right form to prevent injury, as well as help you train as needed. 

If, for any reason, you feel pain – stop! Consult your doctor or take a rest to stop yourself from overdoing things.

Exercise is something that can help you begin to feel a semblance of normality, helping you form a routine and get back into activities that you once enjoyed. Take it slow, put your health first, and soon you’ll see your confidence creeping back up as you start to reach your goals once more.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

IDEAS.TED.COM

Aug 2, 2021 / Tiffany Dufu

I used to be a person who was terrified of ever dropping the ball. 

In the US, the term “drop the ball” has very negative connotations. It means you’ve failed to take action or failed to do something you were supposed to do. And by dropping the ball, you often end up disappointing the other people in your life.

I used to feel it was very important to keep all of my balls constantly in the air, whether those balls were my job, my family or the responsibilities in the rest of my life. Plus, as a Black woman, I felt like my dropping the ball had bigger implications especially at work. I worried, “If I mess this up, they’re never going to hire another Black person again.”

What happened to me was I came to a life-changing moment where I wasn’t able to keep all of my balls in the air and I wasn’t able to do everything beautifully and perfectly. For me, it was the birth of my first child, but for other people, it could be almost anything else — a diagnosis; you finally get the promotion of your dreams and realize it’s harder to be the boss than you thought; or a pandemic that’s hit the entire globe.

No one called to tell me they didn’t love me anymore, I didn’t lose my job, and no one came to arrest me because I had unpaid parking tickets.

After I dropped my balls, I had an epiphany.

Which was this: Even though my balls were rolling all over the floor, the world didn’t end. No one called to tell me they didn’t love me anymore, I didn’t lose my job, and no one came to arrest me because I had unpaid parking tickets.

So I started to question why so many of us feel so much pressure to deliver constantly and at a very high level all of the time. Maybe what we really need to do is drop the unrealistic expectations about how we always need to have it all together.

I decided to reappropriate the term “dropping the ball” and now it means “doing less and achieving more”.

Dropping the ball in this way involves three steps:
1. Getting clear about what matters most to you;
2. Figuring out what you hope to achieve and how your highest and best use can help you get there;
3. Engaging other people in your journey.

Let me break them down for you.

At your funeral, what would you want a friend, a family member or a coworker to say about you?

The first and most effective step requires you to get clear about what matters most to you and your life. One of the most powerful exercises I like to do was made popular by Stephen Covey in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. For the exercise, you imagine the end of your life and your eulogy. I know this seems sad or depressing, but given that a lot of people around the globe are losing their lives to this virus, it’s actually a prescient thing to do.

So at your funeral, what would you want a friend, a family member or a coworker to say about you? You probably wouldn’t want them to stand up and say: “She got a lot of things done on her to-do list every day.” Instead, you probably want them to say something about the impact you had on the world.

Ask 10 people to tell you about a time when they’ve experienced you at your best, what are the things you do well with little effort, and what are the things that only you can do.

The second step involves focusing on what you hope to achieve in the important areas of your life — and how your highest and best use can help you get there. While my career is important to me, what really matters in that sphere is that I’m working to advance women and girls in the world. My marriage is important, but what really matters is that I’m nurturing a healthy partnership. My kids are obviously important, but what really matters is that I’m raising conscious global citizens.

After that, you can move on to what you should be doing and how you put your particular abilities and skills — what I call your highest and best use — to work to accomplish those goals. If you’re thinking “I don’t know what my highest and best use is”, one great exercise to identify it is to talk to the people in your life.

Ask 10 people who’ve known you in different parts of your time on this planet to tell you about a time when they’ve experienced you at your best, what are the things you do well with little effort, and what are the things that only you can do. Then listen to what they say. If you can transcribe their responses — amazing! After you have them down on paper, circle words, phrases and themes that keep coming up or that really resonate for you.

You can’t just drop the ball and not let anyone know — I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work.

The third step involves enlisting other people in your journey. You need to get the people in your life on board with you dropping the ball. You can’t just drop the ball and not let anyone know — I’ve tried this and it doesn’t work.

Let’s start with your boss, because that’s usually the person for which people push back and tell me, “There’s no way I can drop the ball with her.” But you can.

When you talk to her, use a strategy that I call “leading with the forest and then getting into the trees”. This means appealing to what really matters to someone else. For bosses, what matters most are usually the outcomes and results that they want their team members to achieve in a given period of time.

When you consciously drop the ball at home, I think you’ll discover that the expectations you hold for yourself are so much higher than those held by the people who love you.

Let’s say you’ve decided your highest use in your career is establishing meaningful collaborations and you want to spend more time doing this. You could frame your request to your boss by saying something like “I feel like if I spent more time with the clients and a little bit less time on the administrative side, I could get our company to its strategic goal. Are you open to a conversation about how I might be able to reprioritize things and potentially give some opportunities to someone else on the team so we can hit the mark?”

Then if a colleague is going to feel the impact of you deciding to drop the ball, you need to be proactive and go to them and say, “Hey, I just want to let you know I’m playing with an idea. I know it sounds scary, but I actually think it’s going to increase my productivity and the productivity of the team. I want to tell you in advance about what I’m going to be doing, so we can have a conversation about how it might impact you and make sure you’re not feeling any negative effects.” Proactive communication like this is critical.

In terms of dropping the ball at home, what’s really important is to come to any family conversations with grace and humility. Admit what they’ve already experienced — they’ve probably had to deal with you being overwhelmed and you being stressed and the repercussions of this pressure.

A conversation with your kids might go like this: “I know this seems like a strange conversation I’m having with you, but I really want to be a good mom. I’ve been feeling extremely overwhelmed and stressed, and I feel like there’s all these things I have on my list I need to do to be a good mom. Because I can’t do them, it’s making me have a short temper. Sometimes I know I yell at you guys when I don’t mean to. I feel like it would be better if I could focus on what you feel is most important for me to be a good mom. Could we talk about what those top three things are? I was also hoping I might be able to engage you guys to do a couple of things around the house — this would really help me be my best self.”

Every time you stop doing the things that don’t align with your highest purpose, you’re modeling this behavior — and humility and vulnerability — for others.

Those of us who are perfectionists will want to continue doing everything to the best of our abilities — even when it makes us crazy or exhausted. But when you consciously drop the ball at home, I think you’ll discover that the expectations you hold for yourself are so much higher than those held by the people who love you and are around you. You can minimize your to-do list simply by asking your loved ones what’s most important to them.

Keep this in mind: When you drop the ball openly and thoughtfully in the different areas of your life, you won’t only be benefiting yourself. You’ll be helping everyone around you too. Every time you show your limitations, focus on using your unique gifts and stop doing the things that don’t align with your highest purpose, you’re modeling this behavior — and humility and vulnerability — for others. And that’s something we need more of in this world.

This post was adapted from a recent LinkedIn Live conversation with Tiffany Dufu, founder and CEO of The Cru, a peer coaching platform aimed at diverse, mid-career women. Apply to join now and receive one month free from an annual membership when you mention LinkedIn as a referral. To learn more, email contact@thecru.com