Each month Sheryl from A Chronic Voice does a link-up party and this month’s writing prompts are Defining, Saving, Allocating, Educating, and Uniting. I choose three of the five writing prompts, Defining, Saving, and Allocating. This is my first link-up party and I look forward to joining in more often during 2021.
The purpose of the Link Up Party is for people with chronic illnesses to use writing prompts to share aspects of their life that may help or motivate others to live their best lives. A Chronic Voice has been doing the monthly writing prompts since 2017 and the post contributed each month are very interesting, educational, and motivating, and sometimes very funny.
Defining
I’m defining who I want o to be, what I want each day to look like, and most importantly, how I want to act. It’s so easy to go with the flow when you chronically ill, we have every reason too. What I want to do is define what my life is going to look like for all the days I can control. I know there will be days I won’t live up to my expectations and that’s okay, it’s not a failure, it’s reality. I need to clear my head and get back to what my goals are and what am I working for in the way of self-improvement. It only takes a small amount of effort to be nice, and I want to work harder at taking that extra step to help people and not be the naysayer.
Saving
This month I’m saving my energy for my health by getting enough rest and sleep. I’m saving a ton of energy by staying away from negativity, and also being more aware of how much time I spend on social media. I already limit my news watching to one hour a day but there are many headlines thrown at you while you’re on the Internet that can be very distracting. I’m working harder to not look at the headlines, for all I know its fake news. Staying clear and focused on my goals will save energy. If I’m doing the actions to support my goals every day then there isn’t time to waste on energy drainers.
Allocating
I’m allocating time to expand the types of posts I write, one way is by reading books that have been gifted for reviews. I’ve worked hard to transition my blog, Looking For The Light to a Health and Lifestyle blog, not one focused solely on my chronic illnesses. Another way I’m allocating is thru time spent on reading, researching, and taking more time to write each post. Not worrying about a schedule as much. On the health front, my hips are causing me tremendous pain and have even disrupted my sleep for months now. The doctor has increased my meds and has me scheduled for a CT Scan of both hips next week. This is on top of the everyday Fibromyalgia pain I have. I have to allocate time for rest, pain is very draining. Taking time out several times a day to rest or do nothing is important, I’m working on making myself number one more often.
How are you Defining, Saving, and Allocating this month?
I remember as a kid my mother would buy us a package of Valentine’s cards to fill out for all of our classmates. And who can forget the sweetheart candy with sayings like Would you be mine? on written them. Somewhere along the line cards became directed at a special someone you wanted to know how you felt about them.
My husband and I still exchange Valentine’s Day cards after 18 years of marriage. it’s an important day to say you care and that you hold them in a special place in your heart. In addition to a card, I received a heart-shaped box of chocolate-covered strawberries and an orchid plant. He knows the way to my heart! Of course, it takes much less than that to win me over.
Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and….
Jehan de Grise and his workshop, “The Heart Offering,” 1338-1344. Illustration from The Romance of Alexander, Bodleian Library, Oxford, England.
We see the familiar symbol everywhere — in text messages, signs, cakes, clothing, and more. But we also know the real heart looks nothing like it. Historian Marilyn Yalom tells us how the anatomical organ became the symbol that we all know today.
In 2011, I went to the British Museum in London to see a collection of 15th-century artifacts, which included gold coins and jewelry that were part of the Fishpool Hoard found in England in 1966. I was particularly attracted to a heart-shaped brooch (below, one of the heart brooches from the hoard).
That day, I noticed the heart’s two upper lobes and its V-shaped bottom point as if I were seeing them for the first time. It quickly dawned on me that the symmetrical shape is a far cry from the ungainly lumpish organ inside us. From that moment on, the figure of the heart pursued me. I wanted to answer two questions: “How did the human heart become transformed into the iconic form we know today?” and “How long has the heart been associated with love?”
Artist unknown. Brooch from the Fishpool Hoard, 1400-1464, British Museum, London, England.
As far back as the ancient Greeks, lyric poetry identified the heart with love in verbal conceits. Among the earliest known Greek examples, the poet Sappho agonized over her own “mad heart” quaking with love. She lived during the 7th century BC on the island of Lesbos surrounded by female disciples for whom she wrote passionate poems, now known only in fragments, like the following: Love shook my heart, Like the wind on the mountain Troubling the oak-trees.
Greek philosophers agreed, more or less, that the heart was linked to our strongest emotions, including love. Plato argued for the dominant role of the chest in love and in negative emotions of fear, anger, rage and pain. Aristotle expanded the role of the heart even further, granting it supremacy in all human processes.
Artist unknown. Drachm depicting a silphium seed pod, ca. 510-490 BC. Sanctuary of Demeter and Persephone, Cyrene.
Among the ancient Romans, the association between the heart and love was commonplace. Venus, the goddess of love, was credited — or blamed — for setting hearts on fire with the aid of her son Cupid, whose darts aimed at the human heart were always overpowering.
In the ancient Roman city of Cyrene — near what is now Shahhat, Libya — the coin (above) was discovered. Dating back to 510-490 BC, it’s the oldest-known image of the heart shape. However, it’s what I call the non-heart heart, because it is stamped with the outline of the seed from the silphium plant, a now-extinct species of giant fennel. Why in the world would anyone have put that on a coin? Silphium was known for its contraceptive properties, and the ancient Libyans got rich from exporting it throughout the known world. They chose to honor it by putting it on a coin.
Illustration from the novel Manon Lescaut by Antoine François Prévost, iStock.
The ancient Romans held a curious belief about the heart — that there was a vein extending from the fourth finger of the left hand directly to the heart. They called it the vena amoris. Even though this idea was based upon incorrect knowledge of the human anatomy, it persisted. In the medieval period in Salisbury, England, during the church ceremony in the liturgy, the groom was told to place a ring on the bride’s fourth finger because of that vein. Wearing a wedding ring on that finger goes back all the way to the Romans.
Artist unknown, “Herr Alram von Gresten: Minne Gespräch,” from the Codex Manesse. Heidelberg University Library, Heidelberg, Germany.
During the 12th and 13th centuries, the heart found a home in the feudal courts of Europe. Minstrels in France celebrated a form of love that came to be known as “fin’ amor.” Fin’ amor is impossible to translate: today we call it courtly love, but its original meaning was closer to “extreme love,” “refined love” or “perfect love.” Courtly love required the troubadour to pledge his whole heart to only one woman, with the promise that he would be true to her forever. Accompanied by his lyre or harp, he’d sing his heart out in the presence of his lady and the members of the court to which she belonged.
This explosion of song and poetry that started in France spread to Spain, Portugal, Italy, Germany, Hungary and Scandinavia, each of which created its own variations. Through them, love staked out its place not only as a literary concept but also as an important social value and an intrinsic part of being human. A yearning for amorous love seeped into the Western consciousness and has remained there since. The illustration (above) is from the German Codex Manesse, a compilation of love poems which historians place sometime between 1300 to 1340. Between the couple, a fanciful tree rises to form the outline of a heart, which carries within it a coat of arms bearing the Latin word AMOR (love.)
Jehan de Grise and his workshop, “The Heart Offering,” 1338-1344. Illustration from The Romance of Alexander, Bodleian Library, Oxford, England.
In 1344, the first known image of the indubitable heart icon with two lobes and a point appeared. It made its debut in a manuscript titled The Romance of Alexander, written in the French dialect of Picardy by Lambert le Tor (and, after him, finished by Alexandre de Bernay). With hundreds of exquisitely ornamented pages, Alexander is one of the great medieval picture books.
The scene containing the heart image appears in the lower border of a page decorated with sprays of foliage, perched birds and other motifs characteristic of French and Flemish illumination. On the left-hand side (above), a woman raises a heart that she has presumably received from the man facing her. She accepts the gift, while he touches his breast to indicate the place from which it has come. From this moment on, there was an explosion of heart imagery, particularly in France.
Master of the Chronique scandaleuse, “Miniature of Two Women Trying to Catch Flying Hearts in a Net” (detail), ca. 1500. From Pierre Sala, Petit Livre d’Amour, British Library, London, England.
During the 15th century, the heart icon proliferated throughout Europe in a variety of unexpected ways. It was visible on the pages of manuscripts and on luxury items like brooches and pendants. The heart also turned up in coats of arms, playing cards, combs, wooden chests, sword handles, burial sites, woodcuts, engravings and printer’s marks. The heart icon was adapted to many practical and whimsical uses, with most — but not all — related to love.
Frenchman Pierre Sala contributed to the history of the amorous heart with a book titled Emblèmes et Devises d’amour, or Love Emblems and Mottos, prepared in Lyon around 1500. His collection of 12 love poems and illustrations was intended for Marguerite Bullioud, the love of his life, although she was married to another man. (She and Sala wed after her husband’s death.) Sala’s tiny book was meant to be held in the palm of one’s hand. In one of the illustrations (above), two women attempt to catch a bevy of flying hearts in a net stretched out between two trees. The winged heart, borrowing from angels, had already appeared in earlier illustrations as the sign of soaring love.
Artist unknown, Pensez à moi, ca. 1900. Paper valentine, image courtesy of Marilyn Yalom.
Though some people assume that Valentine’s Day is the creation of the modern greeting card industry, its history is much older — indeed, so old that its origins are clouded. Saint Valentine of Rome was added to the Catholic calendar by Pope Gelasius in 496, to be commemorated on February 14, the same day it still occupies. While there have been various theories of why St. Valentine became associated with love, it most likely developed during the late Middle Ages in the context of Anglo-French courtly love.
By the mid-17th century, the celebration of Valentine’s Day in England was customary for those who could afford its rituals. Affluent men drew lots with women’s names on them, and the man who picked a lady’s name was obliged to give her a gift. The earliest English, French and American valentines were little more than a few lines of verse handwritten on a sheet of paper, but over time, makers began embellishing them with drawings and paintings. These were folded, sealed with wax, and placed on their intended’s doorstep.
Then, the first commercial valentines appeared in England at the end of the 18th century. They were printed, engraved or made from woodcuts and sometimes colored by hand. They combined traditional symbols of love — flowers, hearts, cupids, birds — with doggerel verse of the “roses are red” variety. Thanks to the Industrial Revolution, mass-produced Valentine’s Day cards obliterated the handmade variety in England and the US. The French, too, began exploiting the commercial valentine, with cards featuring angel-like cupids surrounded by hearts (above, a French card, circa 1900).
Milton Glaser, I Love New York, 1977. Trademarked logo, New York State Department of Economic Development, New York, New York.
In 1977, the heart icon underwent yet another transformation when it became a verb. The “I ❤ NY” logo was created to boost morale for a city in crisis. Trash piled up on the streets, the crime rate spiked, and it was near bankruptcy. Hired to design an image that would increase tourism, graphic designer Milton Glaser created the famous logo (above) that has since become a cliché and a meme. With the logo, Glaser extended the heart’s meaning beyond romantic love to embrace the realm of civic feelings and thereby opened the gateway to new uses. Once it became a verb, ❤ could connect a person with any other person, place or thing.
Twenty-two years later, a new graphic form appeared that brought the heart into a whole new realm. In 1999, Japanese provider NTT DoCoMo released the first emojis made for mobile communication. In the original set of 176 symbols, there were five concerning the heart. One was colored completely red, one included white blank spots to suggest 3-D depth, another had jagged white blanks at its center signifying a broken heart, one looked as if it were in flight, and one had two small hearts sailing off together.
Now there are more 30 different emojis containing a heart, and I suspect the heart image will keep evolving in unknown ways for centuries to come.While the heart may be only a metaphor, it serves us well, for love itself is impossible to define. Throughout the ages, men and women have tried to put into words the various shades of love they’ve experienced — fondness, affection, infatuation, attachment, endearment, romance, desire or “true love.” But when words fail us, we fall back on signs. We add ❤ to our emails, texts and notes. We send valentines adorned with ❤ to those dear to us. We give gifts with❤ patterns. We make ❤ -shaped cookies for children. The continued global popularity of the heart as a symbol for love offers us a small dose of hope, serving as a reminder of the ageless assumption that love can save us.
Marilyn Yalom is a senior scholar at the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford University, and the author of “A History of the Wife” and “How the French Invented Love,” among other books.
Have you ever been asked “What’s your love language?”
Chances are, you have. Because the concept — first created by counselor and pastor Gary Chapman, unpacked in a series of books, and picked up by many others — has spread far and wide. The five love languages refer to the five simple ways that we want love to be shown to us and the ways that we show others love.
I’m a relationship researcher, and while I haven’t empirically studied the love languages concept, other academics have. Some of the published studiesconfirm the validity of love languages, revealing they can increase people’s relationship satisfaction and longevity.
What I find so helpful about love languages is that they express a basic truth. Implicit to the concept is a common-sense idea: We don’t feel or experience love in the same way. Some of us will only be content when we hear the words “I love you,” some prize quality time together, while some will feel most cared for when our partner scrubs the toilet.
In this way, love is a bit like a country’s currency: One coin or bill has great value in a particular country, less value in the countries that border it, and zero value in many other countries. In relationships, it’s essential to learn the emotional currency of the humans we hold dear and identifying their love language is part of it.
No matter your situation — whether you’re living alone, spending 24/7 with a partner or roommates, living with adult kids or steering younger kids through virtual school — the five love languages are a highly effective set of tools to have in your relational toolkit. When we know what another person’s love language is, we can choose the gestures that will most resonate with our partner, friend, parent or child. And when we know which actions speak make us feel loved, we can ask other people for exactly what we need.
While there are plenty of online quizzes to tell you what your love language is, it’s easy to figure out yours and what your loved ones’ are by looking at what lights them up, what presents they give you (since many of us bestow on others what we would most like), and what their perfect day would look and feel like.
Here’s a look at the five languages and how they can be applied and optimized — even during a pandemic.
Love language #1: Words of affirmation
Those of us whose love language is words of affirmation prize verbal connection. They want to hear you say precisely what you appreciate or admire about them. For example: “I really loved it when you made dinner last night”; “Wow, it was so nice of you to organize that neighborhood bonfire”; or just “I love you.”
For the people in your life that you’re not seeing in person because of the pandemic, you could film a short video to send them. My kindergarten-aged goddaughter and I haven’t been together in 7+ months, but we text each other silly videos of us saying — or even singing — what we miss most about each other.
And for the people you are seeing all of the time these days, remember that even making tiny gestures matters. This is my primary love language, and my husband of 29 years knows it. I’ll often wake up and go into the kitchen to find a sweet post-it note next to a glass of ice water on the counter (which is another love language — an act of service).
Love language #2: Acts of service
Some of us feel most loved when others lend a helping hand or do something kind for us. A friend of mine is currently going through chemotherapy and radiation, putting her at high risk for COVID-19 and other infections. Knowing that her love language is acts of service, a group of neighbor friends snuck over under the cover of darkness in December and filled her flower pots in front of her house with holiday flowers and sprigs. Others have committed to shoveling her driveway all winter. (It’s Minnesota, so that’s big love.)
In your home, you could be proactive and do something that eases your person’s daily grind. Why not take on the chore that everyone avoids doing, whether that’s cleaning the oven, changing the litter box, scraping ice off the car, or filling and running the dishwasher? For anyone whose love tank is filled up by people pitching in, seeing someone intentionally scanning the environment to figure out what they can do to make their environment better sends a clear and loving message to them.
Love language #3: Gifts
Those of us whose love language is gifts aren’t necessarily materialistic. Instead, their tanks are filled when someone presents them with a specific thing, tangible or intangible, that helps them feel special. Yes, truly, it’s the thought that counts.
When you’re out grabbing groceries for your family, pick up your roommate’s favorite kombucha or seltzer and drop it by their door. Our daughter — whose love language is gifts — is a junior in college and we know she’ll adore what’s in the box soon to arrive in the mail: a small package covered in valentine stickers and containing her favorite chocolates, gift cards for coffee and a framed picture of our family dogs, Fred and George. It’s an act of love that will fill her mailbox and her emotional bank account.
Love language #4: Quality time
Having another person’s undivided, dedicated attention is precious currency for the people whose love language is quality time. In a time of COVID-19 and quarantining, spending quality time together can seem challenging. But thanks to technology, it’s actually one of the easiest to engage in.
Make an intentional effort to have Zoom coffee dates with the colleagues you’ve been missing, or go on distanced walks with your in-laws. Put a good old fashioned phone call each week on the calendar with your best friend, or schedule an in-house date night with your partner or spouse — no phones or “I’m just going to turn on the TV for a second” distractions allowed. Nothing says “I love you” in quality time language better than them being the only thing on your agenda.
Love language #5: Physical touch
Expressing the language of physical touch can be as platonic as giving a friend an enthusiastic fist-bump when she tells you about landing an interview for a dream job or as intimate as a kiss with your partner to mark the end of the workday.
I know that for some parents with young children, spending too much time in the same small space has created a rub — literally. They’d do anything to have fewer people touching them fewer hours of the day. At the same time, for those living alone or those self-isolating because of their exposure or health risks, they’re experiencing the painful opposite: a lack of touch.
While there are no easy solutions for either case, we can get creative. If you know someone who’s overwhelmed by the small hands reaching for them, you might offer to take the kids to a park so they can run off some of their energy. For loved ones who are touch-deprived, try emailing them an outline of your hand and instruct them to lay their hand on the image while imagining your hand on theirs. Even thinking about a warm embrace — something you can do by texting friends and family members with the hug or hugging face emoji and telling you wish you could be doing this in person — can cause their brain to produce some of the same endorphins as an actual hug would.
Love languages are a worthwhile concept to become fluent in during this pandemic time — and at this time in the world. Long before COVID arrived on the scene, we were already living through an epidemic of loneliness. Loneliness is not just about being alone; it’s about experiencing a lack of satisfying emotional connections. By taking the time to learn each other’s love languages and then using them, we can strengthen our relationships and our bonds to others.
Carol Bruess PhD Carol Bruess (rhymes with “peace”) is professor emeritus at the University of St. Thomas, Minnesota; resident scholar at St. Norbert College, Wisconsin; and forever passionate about studying and improving relationships. She is fluent in emoji, loves parentheticals (it’s what all the cool kids are doing), and is happy-dancing her way through empty-nesting (although don’t tell her kids; they think she’s all weepy). Check out her five books and sewing/design shenanigans over at http://www.carolbruess.com
I’m so glad you’ve joined me. As we prepare for Valentine’s Day I thought this would be a great reminder.
Have a great weekend!
Melinda
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
This post has some great tips for preparing for a doctor’s appointment. I thought you would like to read it. The tips here can apply to any type of doctor or medical professional appointment.
Photo by Sammsara Luxury Modern Home on Pexels.com
January 29, 2021
So, you’ve made a doctor’s appointment to discuss your chronic pain. That’s great and a huge step forward! Establishing a relationship with a good doctor can lead to treatment options, knowledge, and support that may ease your daily discomfort. Preparing for your appointment is a must, as it can lessen your stress and ensure you’ve gathered all pertinent information that your doctor might need to understand your case. Whether you’re seeing a regular MD or a pain specialist, the following 5 tips to get the most out of your pain doctor’s appointment.
Write down the history of your pain and the symptoms you experience
In order for your doctor to best understand your condition and provide an accurate diagnosis, you’ll want to share all pertinent details about your condition. It can be hard to remember all the information you want to relay when you’re actually face to face with your doctor, so take time before your appointment to write down the medical history of your pain, symptoms you experience, and any other information you think might be helpful. You should include:
An estimated date of when your pain began and if it followed a particular incident (i.e. after an accident, infection, or surgery).
How your pain has progressed or changed over time.
The different symptoms you experience and what they feel like—burning, stabbing, shooting, dull, achy, sharp, deep?
Any triggers that you’ve noticed that make your pain worse. These might include lack of movement, activity, rainy weather, certain foods, stress, etc.
Any treatments you’ve tried to reduce your pain. These might include medications, supplements, creams, injections, psychology, alternative therapies, physical therapy, surgery, changes in diet, etc. Which have helped and which have not?
If you’ve had any scans done, such as X-rays or MRIs, bring them or the results with you to the appointment.
Come up with a list of questions you want to ask
Just as with your pain history, it’s easy to forget questions that you wanted to ask your doctor when you’re on the spot during your appointment. To ensure that you get all of your questions answered, write a list of any questions or concerns you have beforehand. Start creating this list a week or more before your appointment to allow time for additional questions to pop into your mind. Designate a small note pad and pen to your questions list and make sure it’s accessible at all times—even carry it with you on outings so you can jot down questions before you forget them.
Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification
Your doctor’s appointment will undoubtedly include the exchange of a lot of information, some of which you probably won’t understand. During your appointment, don’t be afraid to ask your doctor to explain something in simpler terms or in a different way if you don’t initially understand it. Don’t be shy—this is your doctor’s job and clear communication between you two is key in receiving the best care possible.
Bring a notepad to write down helpful information
It can be hard to remember what you had for lunch yesterday, so as you can imagine, it’ll be difficult to remember all of the information your doctor tells you during your appointment. That’s why it’s crucial to bring a notepad and pen with you when you go into your doctor’s office. Take copious notes during your appointment and don’t hesitate to ask your doctor to slow down or repeat something. You never know what information will be of help to you, so jot down as much as you can so you can review it following your appointment.
Consider bringing a trusted friend or family member
Having someone with you at your appointment not only provides comfort, but comes with the added benefit of having another set of ears there to listen to the doctor. You might feel a bit scared, anxious, or flustered during your appointment so having someone there to support you can go a long way. Your companion can help you write notes, ask for clarification, advocate for your health, or simply offer. Be sure to ask your friend or family member to accompany you a week or more in advance so that there’s a better chance they’ll be free to go with you.
You are ready to get the most out of your visit
Apply these 5 tips to get the most out of your pain doctor’s appointment and you will also get a sense of comfort knowing that you’ve done everything you can to advocate for yourself. Preparation is key so really take the time to gather pertinent information, write down questions, and mentally prepare yourself to speak up. Wishing you the best of luck at your appointment!
Follow the Aromalief Blog for more valuable pain relieving information.
Since writing the posts Let’s Talk About Hair Loss, I have learned several things and wanted to update you. You might remember I was losing large amounts of hair and found no clear reason/reasons behind it. The amount of hair saved on my shower chair was crazy not to mention the hair clogging the drain after just three or four showers. I installed one of those hair traps in my shower drain to stop the clogs. It was eye-opening how much hair was going down the drain that I didn’t even know about.
Four months ago I started using Minoxidil 2% on the hair loss areas twice a day to encourage growth. It works by shedding old hair and making room for new hair to grow. It took about three months to see a difference in the amount of hair loss but now I’m losing much less and it’s thicker now too.
My scalp felt dry and I had developed flakes on one side of my head. I read the extra sebum build-up on the scalp can cause hair loss. After changing brands several times, I’m currently using Nioxin Scalp Recovery. I tried several highly recommended shampoos and conditioners including the Her’s shampoo and conditioner. It irritated my scalp so bad. I’m crossing my fingers the Nioxin System will work. I’ve already tried the Sooting Serum twice and the difference in irritation is night and day. My scalp no longer itches and is not as dried out. The shampoo and conditioner leave my scalp clean and my hair nice and shiny which was a problem with other conditioners.
The hairbrush I was using was touted as a scalp massager that would help circulation, clean the scalp and enhance hair growth. I didn’t put much stake into the claims of hair growth but have heard good things about a scalp massage. Two weeks ago I decided that it wasn’t helping and went back to my old fashion Mason hairbrush. The Mason brush is expensive but if you take care of them properly it may be the only hairbrush you need. I have one that’s half boar hair and half plastic. It’s doesn’t work for styling you. It gets down to the scalp when brushing which helps reduce the amount of sebum build-up. Since mine is black I will also be able to see when the flakes are reduced.
I started taking Biotin around the same time so it’s hard to say how much hair growth can be contributing to Biotin. I read multiple articles while researching the previous posts and the reviews on Amazon are very positive.
One of the most exciting discoveries is Castor Oil will make your brows and lashes grow. I purchased a bottle, two months ago and the results are so shocking. I had to put on mascara the other day just to see how long they had grown. It works. The bottle of Castor Oil came with one mascara wand container and a liner container. I use the mascara wand with the oil on my eyebrows and lowers lines. The liner is used for the upper eyelid and lower lid if you like. I found using the liner puts too much oil on the bottom lids. I go thru a routine two or three times a day where I put heavy amounts on my brows and a small amount on lower lids and use the liner to put on lashes at night. The oil does get on your sheets.
I’m am so shocked! I had looked at products claiming hair growth that ranged in price from $30 to over $200. A bottle of Organic Castor Oil will last a year for $10.00. My lower lids are much longer than I could have expected and my brows have grown in slightly darker and filled in a few acres missing hair. I’m addicted. It’s one of the best beauty finds to date.
Castor oil can be used used for many things including a hair massage, great on dry skin, and cuticles
I would love to hear what hair growth treatments you’ve tried and the results.
Welbeck Publishing Group kindly gifted me the book The Smart Girl’s Handbook by Scarlett V Clark for an honest review.
Blurb
Giving women the tools they need to shine in the modern world, become their fearless and authentic self, and design the life and career that fills them with joy. The Smart Girls Handbook brings together inspiration, game-changing ideas, and empowering words from women around the world who have been through it all.
Scarlett V Clark is a speaker and the award-winning founder and CEO of Smart Girl Tribe, the UK’s number one female empowerment community. She is available to provide extracts and top tip features such as:
• How my toxic relationship became the catalyst to my success
• 6 stress busters to stop feeling anxious
• ‘You grow through what you go through’: embracing failure
• How to silence your inner ‘mean girl’
My Thoughts
The Smart Girl Handbook is for women who are tired of being told what dress size they should be, tired of the negativity surrounding them today including from other women, and for women who want to be their authentic selves. Life happens and it’s not always pretty but with a backbone, determination, and the guidance of The Smart Girl’s Handbook you can come thru unscathed, just slightly bruised but not battered.
Learn how to not fall into the traps set out there to trip you up. Life around us is very negative, the news outlets, social media, and even toxic friends. You have to learn to rise above the negativity and Scarlett helps you silence your inner mean girl. The Smart Girl Handbook is all the questions you wish you could have asked when younger but had no-one or place to turn for the answers.
I encourage every woman to buy Scarlett’s book, The Smart Girl’s Handbook. Maybe even share one with a friend. This is not your average self-help book that has been regurgitated over and over. She’s witty, original, honest about the problem and how to get the answers. She’s not sharing pie in the sky stories, this is her life, dissected and laid out for you to learn from. I think The Smart Girl book is an excellent primer for moms to help their daughters navigate the rough waters ahead.
Website: www.smartgirltribe.com Facebook: Smart Girl Tribe Instagram: @smartgirltribe Podcast: ‘The Smart Girl Tribe Podcast’ available on Podbean, Spotify, iTunes, and anywhere you can find podcasts.
WelBeck Publishing Group
We are Welbeck Publishing Group – a globally recognised, independent publisher based in London. Our mission is to deliver talent-driven publishing with leading authors and brands worldwide. Our books and products span a variety of categories including, fiction, non-fiction and stationery and gift. We are renowned for our innovative ideas, production values, and developing long-lasting content.
Welbeck’s amazing product comes to life for adults, children, and families in over 30 languages in more than 60 countries around the world. We have collaborated with many of the world’s leading institutions and licensors including – Disney, Universal, Paramount, HBO, Queen Productions, FIFA, International Mensa, Roald Dahl Literary Estate, the Science, Natural History and Imperial War Museums, and Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew.
Garth Brooks was Born 59 years ago, I bet he came out with a scream and setting the world on fire. I had the privilege to see Garth live while on tour in Dallas, Texas, WOW no one can put on a show like Garth. I don’t know where the energy comes from, he gives it all and then finds a reserve. If you ever have a chance, I highly recommend going to see Garth perform.
2020 has been a year to forget for many. Since the emergence of the global pandemic and the beginning of lockdown in March, none of us have been able to live a normal life.
Looking at the same four walls every single day as well as working from home has been tough for many of us, and as 2021 hits we are all raring for new experiences.
Whether it be changed to your lifestyle, health or career – 2021 is a time perfect to change, and here are some of the ways you can make a change in your life next year for the better.
By now, most of us growing tired of our own homes. Being stuck inside for 10 months has been hard for all of us and many of us have already started to look at houses and apartment rentals in our area. If you want to make a fresh start next year, moving house isn’t a bad idea. Let go of the bad memories of the past and move forward in a positive way by buying or renting a better living space for yourself. Being able to live somewhere new can do wonders for your mental health.
If you want to make a positive change to your physical and mental health in 2021, you need to get up and get moving. There are lots of ways you can stay fit without the need for a gym, and here are just a few of the things you can try:
One great way to make a change to your life without committing to anything crazy is changing your diet in small ways. From substituting white for brown bread and rice; to eating less meat and dairy; there are many brilliant things you can do to change your diet for the better. Consider finding foods that are good for the gut and for your heart such as sweet potatoes and peppers, and add these things to your diet more for a healthier body. You don’t have to overhaul your whole diet right away, just make small changes as you go.
We all need to have hobbies in our lives. When you spend all of your time working, eating, and sleeping – you will soon become bored with your life and your mental health can plummet. Change up your daily routine by spending time doing something new. It could be baking, writing, painting, a new sport, or anything you like. Bring something new into your life that you haven’t tried before and this could open you up to so much more in the future.
Making changes to your life in 2021 is a great idea and will change your life for the better.
Many people can fall into a slump during the colder winter months when there is less sunlight and motivation is low, but there are some easy ways to lift your spirits.
A good way to raise yourself from a slump is to create a vision board. A vision board is a collection of images and keywords that you design and assemble on a large piece of paper, for example, which visualises your hopes and dreams for the future. Vision boards are motivational, particularly when you lose sight of what you are working for. They are equally beneficial for when life becomes a little monotonous.
Some ideas to include in a vision board are career aspirations, travel plans, and personal growth targets.
Making a vision board can calm your mind, as it taps into your creativity and helps you focus on your current action. Plus, seeing your finished work day after day is sure to encourage inspiration.
It’s important to reach out to friends, relatives, or companions when you are feeling low. Even if you are feeling cheerful, getting in contact with someone you have not spoken to in a while might raise their spirits without you even realizing it.
As we get older, we tend to get stuck in our daily routines and forget that life is about connections and relationships. Older adults can especially yearn for a chat, or for a helping hand, which is why Seniors Helping Seniors is an invaluable service.
‘Going for a run’ is easier said than done for a lot of us. Especially in the cold, wet weather, running can be a real drag. However, there are plenty of alternative sports and fitness activities that will make you forget you’re even exercising – you’ll be having that much fun.
For one, dancing is a great way to release energy and work up a sweat with a smile on your face. You don’t need a studio to let your hair down, dancing in your room is encouraged. Whack on your favourite tunes and spend 20 minutes to an hour moving about to the music.
If mobility is an issue for you, swimming is an excellent way to stay fit and prevent any muscle or joint discomfort.
Walking and power-walking is also another way to get your daily exercise without it seeming too strenuous. For those busy days, this activity can tie in with work or socializing, as you could schedule a walking meeting or catch-up. Or, if you need a break from everything, going for a solo walk is a sure way to clear your head. You could even find a scenic route and make a trip out of it, rather than just walking around the block.
A simple way to distract yourself from the winter blues is to have a giggle. So, get comfy and pick a comedy film or stand-up show you know you will like, and even if you can’t muster a belly laugh, just feeling yourself smile can brighten your mood.
There are also plenty of apps and old-school games that will have you rolling on the floor laughing with friends or family. For smartphone users, try Heads Up!, it’s like a digital version of charades that can be played anywhere. Or if you’re at home, a card game like Snap or Uno is sure to cheer you up.
Going to bed early is never more important than in the winter. Our wellbeing depends on us getting a decent amount of sleep. For some people that means 8 hours of shuteye, for others, it’s more.
Find out what works for you, and go to bed at a time that allows for a full 8+ hours sleep until daybreak, so the sunrise works as a natural alarm clock. Seeing a full days-worth of sunlight can improve your mood dramatically. This is because catching the sun’s rays each day is associated with an increased level of serotonin in the body, a hormone that stabilizes our feelings of wellbeing.
Seek further help where needed
It’s never a bad thing or something that you should be ashamed of when it comes to asking for help. Whether it’s an issue with drugs, relationships, mental health, etc. getting the help you need should always be prioritized. You can check out outpatient drug rehab centers near me in order to find the right place that can help you with your needs, should you require it.
If you have considerable worries, or stress is getting on top of you. It’s a good idea to let out your thoughts and emotions either via pen or verbally with a counselor or therapist. Writing or talking about it can help you release negative feelings and therefore improve your wellbeing.
If you’ve watched daytime television or browsed the internet you’ve heard every get rich quick scheme. Start your own business and make $3,000 this month………People will promise the moon, we know how that ends. I enjoy making money! I keep it simple by making money on purchases I’m already making.
I use two apps, Rakuten.com and Honey.com. Both are installed into my browser and recognizes when I shop at one of their partners. A pop-up asks you to activate by clicking and it shows % of sales received on purchase. Be sure your active at the time of checkout, sometimes if you shop for a long time it may disable. You can do this by clicking on the R icon on your toolbar.
Rakutenis my long-term favorite, it’s easy and they partner with all the places I shop. To date, I’ve earned approximately $1200.00 for doing nothing but activating a code! Rakutenpays out every quarter for your previous purchases. The big money days are when their partners offer double or triple percent back and 10% days make me very happy. Small sales add up over the year. I also try to shop as I think of items I want and put in my cart for later shopping, then I wait until the payout percentage is higher to actually checkout. It o=could make the difference between $1.00 and $10.00! I’ll take easy money every day.
If you join Rakuten thru my link and spend $20, you $20 and I get $20. Check out all the stores they offer discounts thru, you probably already shop with some of them.
Honeyworks based on finding free shipping and coupon codes for your purchase. It runs thru a long list of coupon codes to see if one applies. You’ll see a pop-up that says there are coupon codes. You click and it does its thing. I like the Honey app, it’s so simple to use. I have received free shipping on several purchases, saved countless dollars with coupon codes. You also collect points for shopping with their partners so even if you don’t have a coupon code you earn points for your sale. Once you reach a certain number of points you can redeem from a huge selection of gift cards. I go for the Amazon gift cards. There’s nothing so rewarding as receiving an email saying you’ve just received a free $10 gift card of your choice as a reward for something I was already doing.
ThredUp.com is a site for women’s clothing, shoes, and accessories. You can find new items with tags, almost new and used, all priced accordingly. You can also clean out your closet and send items to ThredUp for them to sell. They also accept some designer items for resale. I had great luck with all the resale items I sent them, you have to be clear on what they are looking for in order to make money and have a higher percentage of your items listed. Request a cleanout bag and send your items in for listing, it’s a great way to make a little extra money on clothes and accessories with life left in them.
If you are a Prime Member at Amazon you have a world of free goodies offered movies, books…..the list goes on and on. I rely on Amazon since I don’t drive and Prime Members get two-day free shipping. I have saved thousands of dollars of shipping and the turnaround time is usually 2 days for the majority of times.
The best discovery I’ve made is the Amazon Prime Member Card. It’s a credit card that can only be used at Amazon, it’s offered with no fees. You receive 5% back on every purchase you make on Amazon. WOW!!!!! Amazon’s customer service is a first quality, every time I’ve had a problem they resolve it in a chat right away.
To give my husband downtime on weekends, we had our groceries delivered for over a year by Amazon. Prime Members get free delivery. The amount of time saved surprised him, the money has brought a smile to my face. The grocery section is AmazonFresh is extensive, they have thousands of products including fresh bread.
I just discovered Shoprunner. They are similar to Honey in that have preferred customers who if you use ShopRunner as your shipping method the shipping charges are free and you get two-day delivery. I have several stores I like to shop at but they don’t offer free returns which frustrates me. This is where ShopRunner comes in. If you have to return the item for any reason you go to their site and ShopRunner will provide you with a return label to print out. I made my first purchase using ShopRunner at Soma and if I have to make a return it won’t cost the normal $7.00 return fee.
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
Rosa parks did more for civil rights than I ever knew. She was a force to be recorded with. I’m sure tensions were very high that day she refused to give up her seat to a white passenger. No doubt she might have been a bit scared herself. But she had it within her to stand up for what is right and her legacy shines bight today.
Today, maintaining a healthy and peaceful union is almost next to impossible. Many factors that limit people from sustaining a healthy relationship include differing life goals, power from friends and family, lack of trust, diseases, pride, and miscommunication.
Many people break up as soon as they embark on the relationship journey. Additionally, there is an increase in people suffering from unfulfilling relationships, which has had more significant repercussions. For instance, there is an increase in separation and divorce levels, infidelity, and low self-esteem.
The truth is when one is loved; they glow and perform to their maximum. Furthermore, a stable and sound mind is the most incredible wealth you can possess. Love will not only help you conquer the world but will also help fight feelings of self-doubt and raise your self-importance.
It takes empathy, commitment, and patience to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. Taking note of the following measures will help you reignite your once fierce love life.
Appreciate Your Partner
There is power in appreciating your partner. Simple deeds such as listening to them, a thank you note, a gift, seeking their input before making important decisions, or a dinner treat will go a long way in making them feel unique and valued. Additionally, don’t forget to tell, remind and show them how you think of them.
Setting aside time to spend together with your partner is also very important. Yes, you may be busy with work or parenting, but putting aside two hours of your time to bond with your partner will help strengthen your love life in more extraordinary ways. Through these simple ideas, your lover will feel appreciated and always find a reason to stay amidst green grass on the other side.
Improve on Your Sex Life
Sexual intercourse is an essential activity in maintaining healthy unions. It’s not only a way of expressing love and affection, but it also helps in bonding. Moreover, frequent sex will help you raise your self-esteem, have fun, exercise, and keep stress away.
Despite its many benefits, most couples are not able to enjoy it in their union. This mostly results from medical conditions such as infections, having low libido. Getting sexual satisfaction from pornographic materials, deciding to abstain especially after infidelity are also contributing factors.
Whatever your reason for not having sex is, the truth is it cannot overtake the massive benefits associated with lovemaking in your union. Therefore, make every effort to work on the factors hindering you from enjoying sex in your life.
It is time to improvise libido-boosting foods in your diet, treat that infection or medical condition preventing you from enjoying sex and enroll in a pornography addiction recovery program to save your union if sex addiction is the wedge between you.
Maintain Open Communication
It is only through open communication that you will get to fight the many misunderstandings surrounding relationships today. You need to talk and explain situations to your partner as they happen.
It is not wise to ignore issues in a union. Find the appropriate time to discuss and solve matters when they arise. As two people sharing something beautiful, it is common for misunderstandings to arise.
Therefore, you should try to talk and explain situations to your partner to get rid of their doubts. Concurrently, it’s vital to remember that open communication symbolizes respect for your lover’s feelings in a relationship.
Ask for Forgiveness
It is natural to cross each other’s paths. When this happens, be ready to put pride aside and ask for forgiveness. Nonetheless, don’t make wronging your partner a habit in the hope that they will always forgive you; remember it is their feelings you are messing with, and they might soon tire accommodating you.
Unlike how most people view it, asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of courage. Therefore, don’t hesitate to reach out to your partner and ask for forgiveness after hurting them. Furthermore, it’s godly and beneficial to your mental wellbeing as an individual.
Work on Yourself
Nothing is fulfilling and satisfying than when your lover decides to change for the better. It gives you the courage and reason to fight on. Moreover, it is an indication of one’s commitment to the relationship.
Therefore, to make your relationship work, start by improving and bidding goodbye to those traits that are damaging your love life.
Take Away
It is natural to have misunderstandings in relationships. Nonetheless, with proper management skills and the desire to make it work, these shortcomings should not deter you from being happy. Do not let your relationship die when you can revamp it by putting the above five measures into action.
Kelly McCain Project Lead, Shaping the Future of Health and Healthcare, World Economic Forum
Aidan Manktelow Insights Lead, Inclusive Business, World Economic Forum
Mental health is an urgent priority for businesses in the COVID-19 recovery.
6 leaders from global companies share their views on how to improve workplace mental health.
Mental health has become an urgent priority for companies as a result of the COVID-19 crisis. The uncertainty and stress created by the pandemic, and increased isolation due to large-scale remote working, have put pressure on workforce mental wellbeing. The global cost of mental-ill health through lost productivity, absences and staff turnover is estimated to be around $2.5 trillion annually.
Recent research has found that about half of working adults globally say they have experienced increased anxiety around job security (56%), stress due to changes in work routines and organization (55%), feel lonely or isolated working from home (49%) or have difficulty achieving a work-life balance (50%) as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.
At the same time, the rising awareness of this challenge has created new impetus to tackle an issue that remains a stigma in many organisations.
In line with The Davos Agenda, we invited six members of our community to share what their organisations are doing to protect their employees’ mental health and what positive changes they foresee for business to tackle the issue of mental health in 2021:
What positive changes do you foresee for the way businesses will tackle the issue of mental health at work in 2021? And what is your best piece of advice on how to make that change happen?
‘Support a more hybrid workforce’
Elaine Arden, Group Chief Human Resources Officer, HSBC
The past 12 months have shown that people can be just as productive and experience better work-life balance when working outside of traditional workplaces. As choice and flexibility become more commonplace, businesses will need to continually evolve and adapt their well-being services to adequately support a more hybrid workforce.
Businesses can make change happen by talking – and listening! Ask your people how they are doing and what they need. At HSBC, our manager and employee surveys provide us with valuable insights that inform our strategy. By relying on robust data and lived-experiences, businesses will get to the heart of what really matters most, develop suitable solutions and measure their impact on the mental health of their people. As business continues to navigate through periods of uncertainty and volatility, the need to collaborate and share best practices with peers and experts has never been more important and should be an essential part of any healthcare response.”
2020 introduced new uncertainty and stress in the daily lives and routines of our team-mates, further emphasizing the need to embrace the importance of physical and emotional wellness; specifically mental health as a top priority. As employers, we have an obligation to provide our team-mates with opportunities to talk openly about their mental health and to secure the support they or their families may need. We must continue to lift the stigma on this critical topic, which in our case has been having a CEO and management team who are vocal advocates.
Bank of America is committed to the health and wellness of its team-mates and the communities that we serve. Like many companies, we expanded programs to help team-mates access enhanced resources and we need to continue to adapt and respond quickly to address the unique mental health needs of diverse workforces. We need to lead by example, participate in employee sessions, and share perspectives on the steps we are taking to support and protect our mental health.
‘Build mental wellbeing into our leadership culture’
For too long, mental health in the workplace has been viewed as an organisational risk, with a focus on managing individuals and incidents – a fact only exacerbated by COVID-19. The truth is, like physical health, mental health is a constant human reality for every person, every day. In 2021, we can expect more workplaces to recognise this and step-change their action on mental wellbeing, alongside a continued focus on physical health.
How we proactively support mental health in the workplace has a long way to go, but we are not starting from scratch. We can build on our collective decades of experience and expertise in physical health and safety to develop powerful actions and approaches. One of the most impactful choices we have made at BP is to include mental wellbeing questions in our regular employee engagement surveys to understand real-time how our teams are feeling. We have also taken steps to build mental wellbeing into our leadership culture.
At BP, we believe our workplaces can and should be positive environments that support mental health and wellbeing. Getting it right is an ongoing focus, but one that has never been more urgent.
‘Engage, understand and support staff’
Saurabh Govil, Chief Human Resources Officer, Wipro Ltd
People around the world went through severe challenges in 2020. Many are still reeling from layoffs in their families, grieving the death of loved ones, are sick themselves, or struggling with remote work, social isolation and mental health issues. The pandemic has not only changed business dynamics, but also the approach towards employee mental health. Compassion and empathy are no longer seen as extra, nice-to-have qualities. They are now essential. Businesses are increasingly focusing on investing in caring for their employees, and amplifying existing people frameworks, policies and support groups to better support employee wellbeing.
The most important and meaningful change will come from how leaders engage, understand and support staff at a more developmental level. Leaders should focus on the following areas: understanding the difference between urgency and importance and focusing on the latter; being compassionate while driving employees to action by channelling their feelings of frustration or despair. Finally, trust, transparency and openness will need to be the pillars of leadership, and workplace HR policies of the future.
‘Reach out to all of our people across the organization’
Toby Switzer, Chief Human Capital Officer, Agility
Wellbeing and mental health have always been important considerations for the people of Agility before the pandemic, but maybe not as highly prioritized. Now, with the significant work and life disruptions created by the crisis, these aspects were brought to a whole new life … and light … on how important they are for us.
We need to understand better the concerns, be proactive with ideas and programs, and reach out to all of our people across the organization, including our families and our communities so that they are aware that we care and that we will help. Having a focus on this makes us all better for both our short and long-term personal and professional life and health.
‘Take a broad view of what you class as mental health support’
COVID-19 has impacted many aspects of our lives including changing, for many, where and how we work. This impact is likely to accelerate the pre-COVID-19 trend of businesses prioritising and seeking ways to support the mental health of their employees.
My advice to employers is two-fold. Take a broad view of what you class as mental health support and then be led by the evidence. A broad view incorporates mindfulness and mental health first aid all the way through to flexible working policies and financial wellbeing. Being led by the evidence means actively looking to understand which approaches work for who, in what context and why – and if that evidence doesn’t yet exist, perhaps it’s your business that will generate it so that others can learn from you.
What’s the Forum doing on mental health?
The World Economic Forum’s platform for Shaping the Future of Health and Healthcare is convening efforts by our partners on workplace mental health to support evidence-based action on workplace mental health, in collaboration with the platform for Shaping the Future of the New Economy and Society’s Chief Human Resources Officer community. The CHRO community includes more than 100 CHROs of leading multinational companies. Supporting workforce mental health has been a consistent theme of its discussions since the onset of the COVID-19 crisis.
What is the World Economic Forum doing about mental health?
Show
More broadly, the Forum’s Mental Health in the Workplace initiative co-ordinates global efforts toward workplaces that are healthier mentally across industries, regions and sectors. The vision is a world where all workplace leaders recognize and commit – with the right tools in place – to taking tangible and evidence-based action on mental health and wellbeing, enabling their workforces to thrive.
This post was inspired by Maria Shiver’s newsletter Sunday Paper. Every week she has an influential person or celebrity talk about their “To Be List”. I’ve been reading these for about a month now and was inspired to write my own.
Some heartfelt advice from writer Bill Bernat, who’s been there
When I lived with severe depression and social anxiety, I found it extremely difficult to talk to strangers. Yet the one conversation that uplifted me more than any other occurred in the dining hall of the mental health wing of a mountain-town hospital. I met a woman who told me that a few days earlier, she’d driven her Jeep Wrangler to the edge of the Grand Canyon. She sat there, revving the engine and thinking about driving over.
She described what had been going on in her life in the days and months leading up, what her thoughts were at that exact moment, why she wanted to die, and why she didn’t do it. We nodded and half-smiled, and then it was my turn to talk about my journey to our table in that fine dining establishment. I had taken too many sleeping pills. After the doctors treated me, they were like, “Hey, we’d love it if you would be our guest in the psych ward!”
That day, she and I talked shop. She allowed me to be deeply depressed and simultaneously have a genuine connection to another person. For the first time, I identified as someone living with depression and I felt, oddly, good about it — or rather, like I wasn’t a bad person for having it.
Now, imagine one of the people at that table was a member of your family or a close friend who told you they were really depressed. Would you be comfortable talking to them?
Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability.
The World Health Organization says that depression is the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide, affecting more than 300 million people. In the United States, the National Institute of Mental Health reports 7 percent of Americans experience depression in a year. But while depression is super common, in my experience most folks don’t want to talk to depressed people unless we pretend to be happy. So we learn to put on a cheerful façade for casual interactions, like buying a pumpkin spice latte. The average barista doesn’t want to know that a customer is trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul.
Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability. And despite what you might think, talking to friends and family living with depression can be easy and maybe fun. Not like Facebook-selfie-with-Lady-Gaga-at-an-underground-party fun — instead, I’m talking about the kind of fun where people enjoy each other’s company effortlessly, no one feels awkward, and no one accuses the sad person of ruining the holidays.
There’s a chasm that exists. On one side are people with depression, and on the other side is everyone else and they’re asking, “Why you gotta be so depressed?”
I’ve noticed there’s a chasm that exists. On the one side are those people living with depression, who may act in off-putting or confusing ways because they’re fighting a war in their head that nobody else can see. On the other side is everyone else, and they’re looking across the divide, shaking their heads, and asking, ‘Why you gotta be so depressed?’
I began battling depression when I was eight, and decades later, to my surprise, I started winning that battle. I shifted from being miserable much of the time to enjoying life. Today I live pretty well with bipolar disorder, and I’ve overcome some other mental health conditions, like overeating, addiction and social anxiety. As someone who lives on both sides of this chasm, I want to offer you some guidance based on my experiences to help you build a bridge across. I’ve also talked to a lot of people who’ve lived with depression to refine these suggestions.
Please don’t let our lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. Sadness doesn’t need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack.
Before I get to the do’s, here are some some things you might want to avoid when talking to someone who’s depressed.
Don’t say “Just get over it.” That’s a great idea – we love it — but there’s just one problem: we already thought of that. The inability to “just get over it” is depression. Depression is an illness, so it’s no different from telling someone with a broken ankle or cancer to “just get over it.” Try not to fix us — your pressure to be “normal” can make us depressed people feel like we’re disappointing you.
Don’t insist that the things which make other people feel better will work for us. For example, you cannot cure clinical depression by eating ice cream, which is unfortunate because that would be living the dream.
Don’t take it personally if we respond negatively to your advice. I have a friend who, about a year ago, messaged me saying he was feeling really isolated and depressed. I suggested some things for him to do, and he was like, “No, no, and no.” I got mad, like, “How dare he not embrace my brilliant wisdom!” Then I remembered the times I’ve been depressed and how I thought I was doomed in all possible futures and everybody hated me. It didn’t matter how many people told me otherwise; I didn’t believe them. So I let my friend know I cared, and I didn’t take his response personally.
Don’t think that being sad and being OK are incompatible. Please don’t let our lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. Sadness does not need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack. Yes, we can be sad and OK at the exact same time. TV, movies, popular songs and even people tell us if we’re not happy, there’s something wrong. We’re taught that sadness is unnatural, and we must resist it. In truth, it’s natural and it’s healthy to accept sadness and know it won’t last forever.
Talk to a depressed person as if their life is just as valuable, intense and beautiful as yours.
And here are some do’s.
Do talk to us in your natural voice. You don’t need to put on a sad voice because we’re depressed; do you sneeze when you’re talking to somebody with a cold? It’s not rude for you to be upbeat around us.
Do absolve yourself of responsibility for the depressed person. You might be afraid that if you talk to them, you’re responsible for their well-being, that you need to “fix” them and solve their problems. You’re not expected to be Dr. Phil — just be friendly, more like Ellen. You may worry that you won’t know what to say, but words are not the most important thing — your presence is.
Do be clear about what you can and cannot do for us. I’ve told people, “Hey, call or text me anytime, but I might not be able to get back to you that same day.” It’s totally cool for you to make a narrow offer with really clear boundaries. Give us a sense of control by getting our consent about what you’re planning to do. A while back when I was having a depressive episode, a friend reached out and said, “Hey, I want to check in with you. Can I call you every day? Or, maybe text you every day and call you later in the week? What works for you?” By asking for my permission, she earned my confidence and remains one of my best friends today.
Do interact with us about normal stuff or ask us for help. When people were worried about a friend of mine, they’d call him and ask if he wanted to go shopping or help them clean out their garage. This was a great way to reach out. They were engaging with him without calling attention to his depression. He knew they cared, but he didn’t feel embarrassed or like a burden. (Yes, your depressed friends could be a good source of free labor!) Invite them to contribute to your life in some way, even if it’s as small as asking you to go see a movie that you wanted to see in the theater.
This is, by no means, a definitive list. All of these suggestions are grounded in one guiding principle: speaking to someone like they belong and can contribute. That’s what allowed the woman in the Jeep Wrangler to start me on my path to recovery without even trying: She spoke to me like I was OK and had something to offer exactly as I was at that moment. Talk to a depressed person as if their life is just as valuable, intense and beautiful as yours. If you focus on that, it might just be the most uplifting conversation of their life.
Bill Bernat is a technology marketer, Comedy Central comedian, and The Moth Radio Hour storyteller living in Seattle. He brings awareness and humor to mental health in his award-winning show, Becoming More Less Crazy. He also leads storytelling workshops and fundraisers for nonprofit organizations.
Mental health is in decline across the world. Many people are quietly struggling with stress and depression, and it is causing mental breakdowns and suicides. It is especially sad considering that these conditions can be managed and treated.
Here are five easy and reliable tips to overcome stress and depression:
Social support is one of the best remedies for stress and depression. People are social beings, and their mental health requires healthy social ties. To this end, loneliness has been identified as a catalyst for stress, depression, and other mental conditions.
You will feel your emotional and mental woes ease when you talk to someone about your troubles. Your friends and family members will offer unconditional love and support to help you overcome your problems.
Additionally, you can get professional help by talking to a therapist if your depression feels too difficult to bear. Bottom line: talk to someone and surround yourself with a positive company.
Distract Your Mind with Entertainment
Don’t get lost in your mind. You will just keep pondering over your problems and making them feel bigger than they are. It will be more exciting and relaxing to distract yourself with something entertaining.
You have lots of entertainment options at your fingertips. You could listen to some soothing music or watch a thrilling movie. Just ensure that it is something you like, and preferably something that will make you laugh.
Exercise
Exercising can work miracles for depression. Working out helps you feel like you are physically unloading your mental and emotional burdens. Exercising also helps reduce the levels of stress hormones in the body and triggers the production of hormones associated with relaxation. Additionally, the physical and health benefits of exercising are a confidence booster.
Exercising is also recommended for seniors struggling with depression because of their physical and mental conditions. For example, exercising can help improve memory retention, easing the depressing effects of Alzheimer’s.
Learn Something New
Learning is another way of distracting your mind and doing something productive in the process. For example, some therapists recommend learning new skills such as cooking as a form of therapy. Other people struggling with depression find solace in photography.
There is no limit to the variety of new hobbies or activities you can undertake to manage your depression. However, make sure that it is something that interests you if you want it to work.
Get a Pet
Pets are unconditionally loyal, loving, and everything nice. They always have time for their masters, and they are the best listeners. More importantly, they will learn new tricks just to please you. To this end, a cute pet such as a dog can ease the emotional and mental strain causing stress and depression. A pet will keep you company and bring you back to your loving self as you both bond.
Final Thoughts
Stress and depression can make life look gloomy, without an end in sight and they can lead to worse mental conditions and even drive patients to suicide. As such, practice these tips for yourself or a loved one to overcome depression and stop suicide in its tracks.
I’m so glad you’ve joined me. I hope you enjoy my Rock Oldies choice today.
Have a great weekend!
Melinda
Welcome back to Weekend Music Share; the place where everyone can share their favorite music.
Feel free to use the ‘Weekend Music Share‘ banner in your post, and don’t forget to use the hashtag #WeekendMusicShare on social media so other participants can find your post.
Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful is hurtful, but it’s more complicated when dealing with sexual addiction. Like other addictions, sexual addiction destroys relationships and affects a person’s mental and physical health and quality of life. Sex addicts have the impulse to have sex or perform sexual acts such as masturbation even when there are negative consequences. Sometimes, they don’t work or are incapable of undertaking other responsibilities to feed the urge. In some cases, love addiction may go hand in hand with sexual addiction. What can you do to make your situation better?
Finding out about the addiction can hurt; don’t make any rash decisions. Don’t immediately file for divorce, move out of the house or take the kids away. Give yourself a few months to consider possible solutions. Moreover, understand that just like any other addiction, if your partner is willing to change, he/she needs your support. If he is ready to go for counseling, start rehabilitation and make the necessary adjustments, be there to support him.
Have Protected Intercourse
Immediately after finding out, get tested for STDs and protect yourself after that. Even if your partner is addicted to sex, don’t risk contracting a sexually transmitted disease by having unprotected sex with them if they are unfaithful. Understandably, it will be hard to engage in any sexual activity with him/her after the discovery.
Doing so only leaves you more confused, hurt, and exposed to STDs. Take time for yourself to decide if you are willing to stay. If you stay with your partner, and he shows a considerable amount of effort to change, be supportive, and have protected sex if you want to.
On the other hand, don’t blame yourself. You might think that you weren’t giving your partner enough attention, prompting him to cheat. Don’t be compelled to have more sex with him to keep him from other women. It won’t work. The decision to cheat has nothing to do with you; it’s upon him to make up his mind to change. You should not have sex with him for some time until you sort the mess and feel you are ready. Don’t be coerced or forced into sex to keep him around. It will affect your self-esteem and mental health.
Get Help
As much as your partner is the one who needs professional help, it would help if you had counseling too. It’s not easy dealing with an addict, and you need a professional to help you cope with the pain and make the right decisions.
Go for Counselling Together
If your partner agrees to get help, go for some of the sessions together. You will understand the addiction better. The professionals will help you restore trust and faithfulness in the relationship and rebuild areas of your life the addiction affected.
As hard as it is to accept and rebuild a relationship after cheating, sometimes it’s the right thing to do; but more importantly, take care of your emotional and physical health.
I had a simple procedure yesterday but the anesthesia kept me sleeping most the day. I’m behind in my reading and want to say, hang in there I’ll catch up over the next couple of days. And a special thanks to for all the comments I have not been able to reply to from last week.
It has a 3.5 inch needle in my hip, I’ll write about when I catch up.
Kids might find it more difficult to cope with the pandemic. Here’s how parents can help them.
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit this past spring, billions of children around the globe were abruptly sent home from school — an anchor in so many ways. Kids have been cut off from friends and loved ones, and yanked away from daily activities and passions. Many have watched their loved ones get sick or have come down with the virus themselves. It has been … a lot.
Now, as another unprecedented academic year swings into high gear, children are facing more of the same “new normal” that no one asked for.
“We don’t know how long we’re going to be living in this very strange period. For some kids, that mean that they’ve adjusted and things are a little bit easier to manage,” said Kimberly Canter, a child psychologist at Nemours Children’s Health System. “For other kids, that just means this gets harder and harder every day.”
HuffPost Parents spoke to several experts about simple, concrete ways we can help support our children during this upcoming school year. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Regularly check in with them about what they think is happening with COVID-19.
Talking to your child about what they know (or believe they know) about the pandemic is a crucial first step to understanding where they’re at emotionally, said Canter, who developed an online intervention to help kids struggling with COVID-19 stress. (The intervention is currently available to Nemours patients only, but she shared some of the broader concepts below.)
You’re looking to understand their specific concerns, she said.
“Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are not true?” she asked. “Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are true? And how can we address that?”
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
2. Help them identify their emotions.
Emotional intelligence is a learned skill that is rooted in a person’s ability to identify what they are feeling. Parents can help their children do that, Canter said. It’s really about noticing their feelings and learning how to name them.
This can start even if kids are young. Simple mood meters — red for angry, blue for sad, green for calm and yellow for happy — can help young kiddos track where they are and give voice to those feelings.
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
3. Build trust with their teachers.
Even if you live in an area where your child is in the classroom five days a week, this is an academic year like no other. One simple way to emotionally support your child — and your child’s teacher — is to help them feel “safe and connected to their school communities,” said Jeanne Huybrechts, chief academic officer at Stratford School, a network of private schools in California. That is true whether classes are in person, hybrid or starting the year off remotely.
“Reach out to your child’s teacher and introduce yourself and your family,” Huybrechts said. “Share family stories, values, your family’s living situation this fall, your child’s feelings about the return to school.”
More than ever this year, open communication with your child’s teachers is essential.
4. For at least five minutes a day, hang out with them however they want.
Parents sometimes hate to hear this tip because at the end of a long, exhausting day, many parents just (understandably) want to collapse, said Jill Ehrenreich-May, a psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Program at the University of Miami.
But she recommends taking at least five minutes a day, every day, to just hang out together with the kids.
“Do something — not on screens — that your child wants to do with you,” Ehrenreich-May said. Follow their lead, and really try to connect through joy. They need it.
5. Remind them of what they can control.
Many children are struggling under the weight of so many unknowns. We don’t know when school will be “normal” again. We don’t know when they’ll be able to freely hug grandparents or friends. We don’t know if they’ll get sick, or if we will get sick — and how serious it might be. That’s difficult for anyone to deal with, particularly kids.
Parents can help by focusing them on what they can control right now.
“You might not be able to control if there’s a vaccine, but you can control things like washing your hands and wearing a mask,” Canter said. Similarly, kids may not be able to control when, say, soccer starts up again, but they can schedule Zoom hangouts with their teammates. And so on.
And here is something parents can control, to a certain extent: They can model the type of resiliency and self-care they hope to see in their children. That means parents need to find ways to take care of themselves.
“If I expect them to be calm and handle this really not normal situation, well, I probably need to express my own emotions appropriately,” Ehrenreich-May said.
Stolberg agreed, suggesting that parents follow a healthy sleep routine, eat nutritious food, avoid caffeine and alcohol, exercise outside if it’s safe to do so and stay connected to people, even if it’s digitally. He also recommended mindfulness exercises, such as breathing, meditation and yoga.
“You cannot be your best parent if you are not healthy and mentally prepared for the job,” he said.
At the end of the day, it’s not about pretending everything is totally OK. It’s about modeling emotional intelligence yourself and trying to show your kiddo how to live with uncertainty, while also trying to make the best of this unprecedented time.
##
My Two Cents:
Go for counselling together
Parent-child counselling sessions are gaining popularity due to their many advantages. It is a program designed to help improve the relationship between parents and their children. These programs are beneficial and can help you support your child’s emotional health in the long run. They are especially important for those parents who find it difficult to get their children to open up and talk about their feelings.
As a parent, attending sessions can help you learn new skills to support your child’s mental health. A counsellor or therapist will start by observing how you interact with your child. Then they can suggest ways to improve your interactions. After attending the session, you can arrive home safely after reading more info here and without any worry of your child experiencing extra stress since you are equipped with how to handle any situation. You will know how to enhance how you communicate, solve problems better and understand your parental boundaries.
Looking for the Light 