As our parents or other relatives start to get older, they might find it more difficult to look after themselves without help. When this happens, there are a few different options. Some families decide to move their elderly relatives into a retirement community or into their own homes, while others try to find ways for their parents to stay as independent as possible and keep living alone.
If your relatives are taking any medication, it’s important that they are able to manage this themselves if they live alone. Are they remembering to take the correct amount at the correct time? If you aren’t sure, there are some signs that you can look for. When you visit them, look in their cabinets for medicines that have gone out of date, or are being kept with no clear organization. Have they become ill after missed or too many doses?
Meal Preparation
Are your parents still able to cook safely and managing to make balanced meals? Are they able to use their kitchen appliances without help? Look out for them deciding to skip meals, or for kitchen accidents like forgetting to turn the oven off, or forgetting that food has been put in the microwave.
Safety And Mobility
Look out for signs that your parents are finding it hard getting around their home. Have they had falls? Do they have a way to get help if there is an emergency? You can fit their home with devices like emergency alarms, grab bars, and other things to make navigating and getting help much easier. Read this guide to make your home handicap accessible.
Personal Hygiene
It’s important for your elderly relatives to still able to bathe themselves, get dressed, and properly wash their clothes and linens. If you start to notice that they look more unkempt than they used to, or they wear diary clothing or have noticeable body odor then this suggests that they aren’t able to care for themselves anymore.
Transportation
If your older parents are still driving their car, make sure they are definitely safe enough to get behind the wheel. If they aren’t driving, what kind of access do they have to other forms of transport to get to doctors’ appointments or the grocery store? This could be using public transport, getting taxis, or arranging lifts with friends or family.
Socialization
For older people who live alone, isolation can be a big worry. Does your parent spend a lot of time by themselves? Do they have many friends nearby? Do they still go out to socialize, or do they get visitors to their homes? Watch out for signs of loneliness.Independent senior living can offer older relatives to stay near any friends they may have, as well as make new ones.
Home Management
Are they still able to manage their home? When you visit, take a look around to make sure things are being kept clean. Pay special attention to bathrooms and kitchens. Look out for disarray, stains, or spoiled food in the fridge. Check for post-stacking up or late bill notices coming through to make sure they’re coming on top of house admin.
Speaking on Dr. Elliot Berlin’s Informed Pregnancy, Hilary spoke about her experience of breastfeeding all three of her children, remarking that she sometimes has difficulty producing milk. “All of the babies latch really great; I’m just not a huge milk producer, so it’s emotional for me,” she said, before adding that so far she’s been “exclusively been breastfeeding” Mae.
The mother-of-three also discussed the tricky conundrum of how her anxiety can affect the amount of milk she produces too, which in turn leads to more anxiety. “Right now, I don’t know that I’m not producing as much as I need, but I think, since I haven’t in the past, I have tons of anxiety that I’m not, and that she’s not getting enough,” she explained. “And then I’m in my head, and then I don’t feel like enough, and then the spiral continues from there.”
She also shared that she’s making an effort to “sit back and chill and trust that [her] body is doing the right thing and [Mae is] gaining weight” in an effort to overcome those worries though.
It wasn’t just breastfeeding that Hilary discussed during the interview either; she also shared that she had both Luca and Banks present during the birth of Mae. “It was kind of important for me [for Luca to be there] because I’m really big on being open and honest with him about how strong women are and what childbirth looks like,” she explained, adding that Banks came into the room “right after the fact”.
We love that Hilary is so honest about her parenting journey! Anything that normalises breastfeeding or birth is totally a-okay with us.
Cosmopolitan UK’s current issue is out now and you can SUBSCRIBE HERE.
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There are many ways that sleep problems can set you on a path toward a rocky relationship.
Making sound decisions, being in a good mood most of the time, reining in some of your bad moods or irritability, problem solving, communicating effectively, tolerating frustration, practicing empathy — these are all important skills for cultivating and maintaining a healthy relationship. And these are also all the things that go south when you’re low on sleep.
When these are in short supply, whom do you take it out on? Usually your partner. Chronic sleep loss or otherwise disturbed sleep can trigger a host of emotions that can send you on a spiral of relationship-damaging behaviors.
Sleep plays a powerful role in how we experience and regulate our emotions. When we miss out on sleep, we become more irritable, we have more negative moods, our frustration tolerance is lowered, and we become more emotionally labile, meaning that we are more prone to mood swings, because our capacity to regulate our emotions is impaired.
Studies have shown that when sleep was restricted to five hours per night for a week, participants showed a progressive increase in negative emotions (e.g., anger, sadness, frustration, irritability), with each successive night of sleep restriction. Research has further shown that sleep loss led not only to increases in negative emotion but also decreases in positive emotion.
To the partner of the person deprived of sleep, this activation of negative emotions in concert with the blunting of positive emotions can feel like a double whammy of contempt and criticism. The partner feels lonely, vulnerable, and attacked, which, of course, can then lead to defensiveness or counterattack. Not a great recipe for relationship bliss.
On nights when couples slept worse, they reported more conflict the next day.
Social psychologists Drs. Amie Gordon and Serena Chen have studied couples’ nightly sleep patterns and their daily relationship behaviors. They found that on nights when couples slept worse, they reported more conflict the next day. But it’s not just that sleep loss increases the likelihood of conflict. It’s that once a couple is in conflict, sleep loss triggers the very relationship behaviors and communication styles that we know are most toxic to relationships. As Dr. Gordon explains it, “When one or both partners are not well-rested, minor squabbles can turn into major rifts.”
Researchers at the Ohio State University brought 43 couples into the lab and asked them to engage in a typical relationship conflict. (It turns out that couples are very good at diving right into conflict when instructed to do so, even under the conspicuous conditions of a scientific laboratory, replete with a video camera to record the event.) Couples also reported on their nightly sleep patterns.
After each conflict, the researchers painstakingly coded the conversation using a well-developed relationship coding system that identifies positive versus negative communication styles, including the degree of hostility or constructive responses.
While all couples engaged in conflict, the researchers saw a clear distinction in how they engaged: Couples who reported sleeping less than seven hours per night were more likely to engage in hostile conflict. It’s the difference between saying to your partner “It really makes me mad that you didn’t unload the dishwasher” vs. “Shocker — yet again, you couldn’t do the one thing I asked you to do.”
Couples who reported sleeping less than seven hours per night were more likely to engage in hostile conflict.
A sure-fire way to ratchet up the intensity of a relationship tiff is when one or both partners feel their words and, more importantly, their feelings are not being heard. In many ways, empathy is the glue that binds a relationship together. Being able to gauge your partner’s emotional temperature during a hot-topic discussion is a critically important skill for relationship well-being. Unfortunately, empathic accuracy also takes a hit when relationship partners are sleep-deprived.
Drs. Gordon and Chen found not only that couples were more likely to engage in conflict after sleeping poorly but also that poorly slept people had lower empathic accuracy. Their research showed that the negative effects of one partner’s sleep loss on empathic accuracy spread to the other partner. On nights when one partner slept worse, the other partner also showed reductions in empathic accuracy. This likely reflects a relationship dynamic in which one partner feels dismissed or that their feelings aren’t being heard, leading to increased defensiveness and emotional walls being built up on both sides.
Other research shows that even the words we use to communicate and the sounds of our voices are colored by our sleep or lack thereof. Psychologist Eleanor McGlinchey used computerized text analysis, including analysis of acoustic properties of speech, as well as observer ratings of the emotional expression of speech, before and after sleep deprivation in the laboratory. She wanted to determine the extent to which sleep deprivation affected word choice, including positive and negative emotion words, like “happy” or “excited” or “sad” or “anxious,” as well as the tone, including positive and negative emotion expression.
She found that under sleep-deprived conditions, participants showed a decrease in the use of positive emotion words. Observers rated their speech as being lower in positive emotional expression (less happy or calm) and higher in negative emotional expression (more sad, anxious, or fatigued). Using sophisticated computerized text analysis of the acoustic properties of speech, she also found that sleep-deprived participants’ speech was, as McGlinchey put it, “softer, sharper, and lower energy … and the lower acoustic energy can make it sound like the person is disengaged.”
Sleep-induced loneliness is contagious. Within couples, this can lead to greater emotional distancing and a lack of connection with your partner.
Beyond the sleep-induced relationship blowups and communication shifts, lack of sleep can lead to broader social consequences, including the more existential state of loneliness. Science is showing us that lack of sleep hurts our social brains and can make us feel alone in the world.
In a series of elegant studies published in 2018, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, found that poor sleep predicted greater feelings of loneliness, as well as greater social withdrawal and anxiety, the next day. At the brain level, the researchers demonstrated that sleep-deprived people showed deactivation in the parts of the brain that are responsible for helping understand other people’s actions and behaviors, and amplification in the parts of the brain that signal threat or fear responses in social contexts.
In other words, sleep-deprived subjects’ brains were less active in the parts of the brain that make you more social and more active in the parts of the brain that make you want to stand in the corner away from people. Researchers also looked at how other people reacted to the sleep-deprived subjects. They found that the observers perceived the sleep-deprived people to be lonelier and less attractive than well-slept people. But the real kicker is that after observing the people who were sleep-deprived, the observers themselves reported feeling lonelier and more socially withdrawn, despite being well-rested. Sleep-induced loneliness, therefore, is contagious. Within couples, this can lead to greater emotional distancing and a lack of connection with your partner.
As you read this, you may be entering a state of increasing anxiety, verging on panic for some, as I describe the relationship harms that could be caused by sleep loss. And frankly, the last thing any of us needs is yet another reason to keep us up at night.
But rather than sweating the consequences of sleep loss, it’s time to start prioritizing sleep as a mutual goal within your relationship.
Wendy M. Troxel PhD Wendy Troxel PhD is a senior behavioral and social scientist at the RAND Corporation and an adjunct faculty member in psychiatry and psychology at the University of Pittsburgh. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified behavioral sleep medicine specialist. Dr. Troxel is internationally recognized for her work on sleep in couples, how sleep affects health and the global economy, and how social environments and public policy impact sleep.
Watching an elderly relative suffer due to decreasing independence can be so hard to bear, but luckily you needn’t simply sit on the sidelines for much longer. There are several tips and tricks that you can utilize to help them gain back some of the independence they have lost, and it couldn’t be easier to get started today. So, if you would like to find out more, then read on!
One of the easiest ways to help an elderly relative gain back some of their independence is by adapting their home. Leaving their home means leaving behind most of their treasured possessions along with the memories attached to the property, so avoiding such a scenario can be extremely beneficial for their mental health. Start by tackling the issue of mobility, as getting around safely may be the biggest struggle for your elderly relative. Install grab bars in frequently-traveled areas such as the hallway, as well as around the toilet and shower to ensure they can stand up without the risk of falling. Investing in a fold-up seat to go inside their shower can help to reduce the risk of slips and falls dramatically. Seeking out more ergonomic furniture may also be of benefit for your elderly relative, as getting into and out of bed may be difficult for them. Luckily you can source both beds and chairs that slowly rise up to lift the user onto their feet without any struggle, so this may be an option you wish to explore.
Offer Easy Access To Support
Sometimes the sole reason for an elderly individual moving into sheltered accommodation is a lack of access to support, so making sure your relative can seek help should they need it is absolutely vital. Take some time to identify their weaknesses, and aim to assist them in working around these issues productively rather than simply passing the burden onto someone else. If you find that your elderly relative struggles to make their own meals, don’t let them go hungry or risk their safety using cooking equipment; sign them up for a ‘meals on wheels’ service that provides fresh dishes delivered straight to their door to ensure their nutritional needs are met. If they live alone and need some company, they may benefit from the services of a live-in-care provider. They can move into your elderly relative’s home or work out a visiting schedule that allows them to provide care and attention, performing tasks such as laundry, cleaning, and cooking, as well as assisting with medication and socialization.
It might even be worth looking into places like benchmark at rye for example. These are places that allow your elderly relatives to retain a large amount of their independence while also offering the support that is needed. It’s a meet-in-the-middle kind of solution while ensuring that your relatives are taken care of.
Helping your elderly relatives to stay independent has never been so simple when you can take the time to make the most of the brilliant ideas described above. Providing your family with the help they need to thrive in such a rewarding project, and they’ll no doubt appreciate your hard work and dedication. There’s no time like the present to adapt your elderly relative’s home and improve their access to essential support.
Now more than ever it’s important to read the data and listen to leading scientists about the effectiveness of vaccines.
I’ll work hard not to get on my bandstand! The COVID vaccine is more effective than your early Flu shot and the flu won’t kill you most, with few exceptions with prior health conditions. I know there are naysayers that go way back, that is your right. BUT, in order to eradicate the COVID 19 Virus, we must have 70-80% of the population vaccinated. Can you imagine the struggle that causes poor countries?
It angers me to read day after day that roughly 30% of COVID vaccine appointments are no shows, no reschedule. They are too convenient in our area right now not to reschedule. I received no special treatment, went in with an appointment, and was out within 30 minutes.
Today in Dallas County alone 1800 vaccines are being disposed of due to expiration date.
I understand so people got jumpy when the J&J vaccine was paused, that right there tells you the government is doing the right thing. Only 15 out of 18 million got blood clots, a nano number but out of an abundance of caution, and for the public to see how stringent the process is they paused the vaccine. It started distribution yesterday, will someone else get sick, maybe, you can get sick from what you buy over the counter at the drug store and end up in the hospital.
I know this is falling on deaf ears for the die-hard anti-vaccine believers, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to a reasonable person who might have concerns and not really familiar with the process it takes to get a vaccine to market.
Thousands of people have to volunteer to take the vaccine under strict supervision, all side effects are documented. The stand is high in order to reach Phase 2 trails. Even more strenuous testing is done and again all side effects are noted and researched. Before a vaccine can be approved it has to go thru a Phase 3 and final phase before it can be recommended to the FDA.
You may ask why does it normally takes 7-10 years to get a vaccine to market and these vaccines took less than two years. Very simple, a Presidential Act. Extra resources, money, extra scientist. governments collaborating together, all the things take extra time from the front end, finding the vaccine itself, had thousands of scientists working night and day to find the right mix. The Clinical Trail process wasn’t speeded up the research and finding the right vaccine was. One reason is also they had the DNA code from the virus to work from.
Please, just take the time to educate yourself on the process and weigh the side effects, which for 99% of people are minimal against getting or giving COVID. How are you going to feel if you give your children for mother or grandmother COVID and they die?
Another fork for those who don’t like to take vaccines is I feel strongly all children should be required to have the vaccine to enter public school. If you don’t want to vaccinate your children once they become available that is your right, it’s not your right to have the minority make the majority sick. you need to go to private or home school. YES, I would fight hard for that if given chance.
I feel that passionate about the vaccine. I also feel that if we are throwing away vaccines in America we need to start shipping them to India right away and Americans can go back to long lines and shortages.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
Emails are just as fundamental these days as food and water in our lives, and they form a large part of our daily communications.
Roughly 300 billion are sent around the world every day, according to Statista. On average, each of us who works in an office gets 121 emails per working day on average! Yet we send them and read them without thinking about them for a second.
But emails are essential. In some situations, they can’t be replaced with a short meeting or a phone call. We send them because of traceability or a time difference, or we need to have many people reading the same thing.
A study of around 1 million emails that was done with Microsoft shows the average employee spends 28 percent of his or her day working on emails.
But given how essential emails are, did anyone ever teach you how to write one?
I have dedicated the last 25 years to learning and teaching. I have trained in the Scouts and the Israeli Army, and I teach business at a German university today. Just like anyone else, I send and receive emails and texts. Loads of them. I use them to stay in touch with customers, collaborators and students around the world.
My students and I decided to optimize our emails and test what worked — and what didn’t. We found by tweaking just five little things, you’ll make it more likely that your email gets read, you’ll spend less time working on it, and writing an email might even become fun. Here they are:
1. Make an excellent first impression
A subject line is your chance to make a positive first impression on your recipient. According to existing research, three things make an effective subject line: It should be short, call for action and indicate familiarity with the recipient.
I showed 300 people the following email subject lines and asked them which they’d open first. Can you guess which they chose?
A. Statement 10.31.2020 B. Welcome Message C. Meeting tomorrow, please respond! D. Hey! 🙂 E. Missed you, how’s Friday?
If you picked C, you’re right! That was the overwhelming favorite, with 47 percent choosing it. The runner-up was D, with 20 percent of the vote.
2. Add color and feeling to your email
Our emails are written in black and white, so they automatically look kind of boring. Sending your thoughts in email is a bit like speaking without being able to use your body, voice, or face. So how can we put some color and — more importantly — feeling into them?
By using different kinds of punctuation and, yes, emojis.
For example, here’s the same sentence but written three different ways. Which do you find the most engaging?
Dear Guy, thank you for visiting. Guy, thanks for visiting! Hey Guy, awesome that you dropped by 🙂
I like to call punctuation and emojis “digital body language,” which we desperately need to show who we are, even if we’re just writing an email.
Should you always add an emoji or a GIF to your work emails? Of course not. Think of digital body language as the spices and seasoning in your email recipe — depending on the culture, setting and background, you may want more or less of that curry or hot sauce. Or none at all.
3. Keep them as brief as a tweet
Research from NYU, MIT, and Boston University shows that many emails aren’t read but just skimmed or simply deleted. And it seems that with every additional word you write beyond your first 40, you directly reduce the chances of getting an answer.
So be as brief as you can. Keep it the length of a tweet, or 280 characters.
Now you may be telling yourself: “No way — my meeting notes [or whatever you’re writing about] can’t be that short.”
And you’re right.
But the one part of that email in which you ask for something or get something done can be kept brief. You can include those meeting notes as an attachment.
4. Use names at critical moments
Imagine if you knew a magic word that you could include in your email, a word that could instantaneously grab the attention of every single person in the world.
Well, it turns out you already know it: It’s the name of the person you’re emailing.
Dale Carnegie once wrote, “A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” He wrote this almost 100 years ago, but I believe his words still apply today.
We all have a narcissist in us, and if you use a person’s name at critical moments, you will increase your likelihood of getting an answer. For example, when you’re making a crucial request in your email, start with the recipient’s name. What’s more, research shows that mentioning the name of another person whom the recipient knows will also significantly raise the chances your email will be answered.
Just remember: There is one way in which a person’s name can completely ruin your email — if you misspell their name, all the thought you put into your message will go down the drain.
Now I’m sure that some people reading this will say there is no “perfect” email, and they’re right. Every email is different, yet most emails have two things in common: one, you want something from someone, and two, that someone is a human. Because of these two things, my suggested ingredients can surely help.
What matters is the proportion. Now that you have the list of recommended ingredients for an email make sure you use them in the right quantities. From now on, try and break away from writing any important emails on autopilot. Instead, picture the person you’re writing to and season your email to their taste using your ingredients.
5. Tap into the power of the last impression
Here’s one final point. Remember how Steve Jobs always waited until the end of his presentations to show off the coolest of the products he was introducing? He used to say “one more thing”, and boom, there came a new iPhone out of his pocket.
Why not use that tactic too? If you have one important thing to say or one crucial thing you need from your recipient, or one uncomfortable thing to say, try putting it in the P.S. line. This is the last impression, which isn’t as well known as the first impression. But it can be just as powerful as it’s the one thing that sticks with your reader even after the rest is forgotten.
Guy Katz PhD first served as an officer for the Israeli Defense Forces and then worked for governments, startups, non-profits, consulting firms and giant corporations. Constantly on the lookout for the right bit of science mixed with practical tips, he now spends his days optimizing the magical recipe for being a father of two amazing boys, a business professor at FOM University in Germany, the owner of a consulting and training company that operates worldwide, and teaching people how to fly airplanes.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
When you think about your past work week and all the meetings you had, what was the thing that you found most frustrating?
As a meetings trainer and coach, clients call me because they want to get engagement and focus in their meetings. “It’s always the same people who do all the talking,” they explain, “and they take us off track and make us run over time.” And, they add, “it’s always the same people who stay quiet and we’re worried we’re not getting the engagement we need from them for really good team commitments.”
So, what can you do to solve these problems?
I’d like to share a coping strategy — but like all coping strategies, it won’t remove the problem completely.
Meetings are a fact of life, and with every meeting, I like to say you actually have two meetings: You’ve got the meeting that you’re in and you’ve also got the second meeting that’s going on inside your head. That second meeting is quite often the reason we sometimes don’t step in and save our meetings when they’re going off track.
The meeting inside your head will go something like this: “I wish she’d stop talking and let others get a word in … Perhaps I should do something. But what can I do?… I can’t interrupt — that would be rude!”
First of all, what are the coping strategies you can use? The ones I like to use are contained in the acronym COPE.
The C stands for Captain. Every ship needs a captain to get it safely to its destination on time and the same is true for meetings. Meeting science tells us the meeting leader makes or breaks the meeting. The wonderful thing is that meeting skills are something you can learn — you’ll get better and better at them every time you lead a meeting. There’s no right way to do it, and you can find your own unique leadership style.
O stands for Outcome — if we don’t know where we’re going, we’re likely to get lost at sea so it’s very important to articulate the outcome you want from your meeting. If you’re the meeting organizer, write down the outcome you want in the invitation so your participants can see what to expect and what’s expected of them. They can also make an informed choice as to whether to catch this ship or stay behind and get on with work they think would be more productive.
P stands for Process — like any destination, we need to know how we’re going to get there. That also takes planning. When you’re thinking about your meeting and planning the process, ask yourself some questions.
For example, if the outcome you want is a decision, when you’re planning your process you’ll need to ask yourself questions like “How are we going to reach that decision?”, “Is it going to be a vote?,” “Is it going to be by consensus?”, or “Is it going to be the loudest voice wins?”
It’s extremely important that the captain shares that process at the start of the meeting. Meeting science tells us that when we have a clear outcome and a clear process of how we’re going to get there, our stress levels go down. Then we can release our higher cognitive functions to really collaborate, think creatively and get the best outcomes for our meetings.
But how do you encourage that in your meetings? There are three steps: Listen, Validate, Redirect.
To use these, imagine you’re in a meeting, everything’s going well and all of a sudden, a couple of colleagues start having a side conversation that dominates the entire discussion. That’s when you can bring in these three steps, and it looks something like this:
First you Listen. Wait for an opening; eventually your colleagues will come up for air, or there will be a natural pause.
That’s when you step in and Validate. To do that, start by asking a question to break the momentum of their conversation. The question can be as simple as “Can I ask you a question?”
This stops them in their tracks, and now you can step in with the Validate piece, by saying something like: “That all sounds really interesting.”
And now you can Redirect by asking “Can you help me understand how what you’re saying relates to the topic we’re on in our agenda right now?”You’re bringing them back to the objective of the meeting without alienating them, and everybody else gives a big sigh of relief because now you’ve saved the meeting.
When I give these tools to people, they feel very comfortable using them with their peers after a little bit of practice.
But what about if the people that are having the side conversation are your superiors? And if you were the boss, how would you feel if your team member actually interrupted you and brought you back on track?
These are the kinds of questions that we ask in the meeting inside our head, that cause all of us to freeze and not do or say anything. I like to use this quote from US football coach Mike Ditka who said, “In life, you get what you tolerate.” I’ve changed that quote to say, “In meetings, we get what we tolerate.”
So why are we tolerating these kinds of meetings?
It’s because of that second meeting — the meeting in our head. We don’t feel we can interrupt our colleagues and especially not our superiors because we’re worried that we might look rude. I think we’re also worried that we might be rejected. As humans, one of our biggest fears in life is to be rejected from our tribe or group and so we’ll do anything we can to stay in people’s good books, even if that means sitting through an endless meeting.
So what can we do? Here, I like to take inspiration from Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla and SpaceX. He once wrote an email to his staff showing them how important it is for him to have a great meeting culture in his organizations. He wrote: “Walk out of a meeting or drop off a call as soon as it’s obvious you aren’t adding value. It’s not rude to leave; it’s rude to make someone stay and waste their time.”
The reason I like this quote is it recalibrates what we mean by being rude.
How would work be like if it was OK not to accept a meeting invitation that didn’t have a clear objective? Or if it was OK to cancel a scheduled meeting just because there wasn’t any need for it? And as we recalibrate our future and we think about how we want to do our best work together, wouldn’t it be great if we could have these kinds of conversations inside our organizations about how to have better meetings?
So the next time you’re in a meeting, whether you’re the meeting leader or a participant, think about how you can step in to save your meeting with these coping strategies. And maybe you’ll come up with some of your own.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Madeleine de Hauke is a meetings trainer and leadership coach. After years of frustration at being stuck in meetings that felt like a waste of time, she vowed no one would ever feel that way in one of her meetings! Twenty years and thousands of meetings later, she founded Business4Good to help socially conscious organizations cure their meeting syndrome so they can change the world, one meeting at a time.
May is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month and to shine a light on this important illness, I’m collaborating with others who have Fibromyalgia by writing a short post on my Top Three Tips on living with Fibromyalgia. Next month I’ll write a separate post and include the link to the collaborative post for your to read, it will be valuable reading.
Sleep Routine/Self-Care
I include self-care in my sleep routine. I do other specific self-care tricks as I can but my nighttime routine is solid.
I am very disciplined about laying down at the same time every night. It’s not going to bed, it’s self-care time and time to unwind so when it’s time to go to sleep my mind is empty and ready. During this time, an hour to an hour and a half before bedtime I start to decompress. There is no sound, no phone, no media, no gadget, nothing to distract me at all. Our mind needs quiet time and most of us stay on our computers, phones, reading, doing something stimulating right at the time the body needs to wind down. Sometimes I run the aromatherapy diffuser but can find it distracting some nights.
I slather myself down with my CBD and Aromatherapy lotion making sure to pay attention to all the areas where there’s pain. I let the smell of the lotion fill my nostrils as I lay there and de-junk my brain for the day.
At bedtime, I take my final meds and my mind is ready for sleep.
Nature
A great tip for the nature lover. I have multiple wind chimes around the house to remind me of nature even when I can’t go outside. There’s nothing like the sound of an unexpected chime to force me to take a minute and look out the window and soak in what nature has to offer from the kitchen window or back door. I also have several bird feeders and birdbaths to enjoy.
Time-Saving
Meal Delivery 3 days a week, we just have to prepare the meals. It makes life so much easier, the time saved planning and grocery shopping is worth the extra cost. On Sundays, we cook a meal, and on the other days, I eat yogurt and fruit.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
Overwhelm.
That word doesn’t feel very pleasant hanging there, does it? It brings up feelings of failure and isolation. I’m a professional organizer, and it’s the word that I hear the most from new clients.
I have a friend and client who runs a successful business, is very active in the community, and is the most positive person you will ever meet. Yet at our first consultation, she told me that not only did she feel overwhelmed, she felt paralyzed. When I asked her to elaborate, she brought up words like shame, failure, fear and isolation.
I assured her that she is not alone.
In fact, in our homes, businesses and relationships, “overwhelm” is our society’s dirty little secret. We fill everything. We fill our houses, our cars, our storage units, our offices, our phones, our minds and our hearts with more than we can manage.
We think that more will lead us to happiness, but all it does is perpetuate the overwhelm. Because of this, the word “clutter” is everywhere. But what people don’t realize is clutter is not just our stuff. Yes, it can be the physical things that clog up our homes, but it can also be digital, mental, emotional or even spiritual.
I define clutter as anything that keeps you from living the life that you were meant to lead, anything that keeps you from living the life that you want to lead and anything that stops you from accomplishing your work and enjoying your life.
Physical clutter is the typical stuff we think of — the closets that are overflowing, the garages that can’t hold cars, the storage units that have become a billion-dollar industry in the US alone.
Digital clutter are things like the 10 or 200 or 50,000 emails in inboxes — something I see on a very regular basis. It’s also all the files saved on your computer without naming conventions so you don’t know what they are and you spend a lot of time looking for the ones you want.
Mental clutter could be your fears, your to-do list, what’s going on in the news or anything else that’s filling your head at night.
Emotional clutter can be the negative patterns and beliefs you don’t even realize that you’re carrying around. It can be all those “I can statements that run through your head like “I can’t lose weight” or “I can’t quit my job and own my own business”.
Spiritual clutter can be a lack of forgiveness or a lack of peace.
Those last two — emotional and spiritual clutter — can be very subtle, and they can also be the most paralyzing.
While it may not seem possible, I believe that all the different types of clutter I’ve listed here have one main cause. My wonderful friend, mentor and business coach Barbara Hemphill has trademarked a phrase that sums it up: “Clutter is postponed decisions.”
Think about that for a minute. Take physical clutter, for example. When you look at your closet, perhaps there’s a whole section of clothes that we don’t wear and the postponed decision there is: “Am I really going to put in the effort or time to lose that last 10 pounds and fit into this whole stuff?” Or maybe the postponed decision is: “Am I going to clean out my storage area so I can take these things, put them into bins, and rotate them in and out every season?”
Paper is a huge source of the clutter I deal with. We pick up a piece of paper; we put it back down and one pile becomes 10 piles. Then when you have family coming over for dinner, you push them all in a bag and put them in the closet.
And we do the same thing with email that we do with paper. We open it but we’re not making any decisions about it. Sometimes our decisions are easy — we just delete, reply or put it in a folder, but quite often we postpone making a decision until we get to the point where we don’t even want to open up our computer.
I always had a very good handle on the first two: physical and digital clutter. And I understood how the other ones worked with my clients, but I didn’t truly understand how those could affect me in my own life until I got stuck.
In 2012, I had heart surgery. My whole life I’d had a valve defect, and I’d always been told: “You’ll live into your 80s with no medical intervention; you’re fine.”
Well, that year, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given a very short time to live, and my oldest son was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. My heart figuratively and then literally broke.
By April 2012, I was in heart failure so I had to have surgery.
I flew through it, and I was the model patient. I was only in the hospital for 48 hours. Afterwards, I was up walking and doing things in record time. I completed a half marathon 11 months after heart surgery.
My life looked great and I was getting a lot of compliments, but I felt stuck.Why? I had massive amounts of emotional clutter. It consisted of fears, questions like: “What if the surgery didn’t work?” “What if my heart breaks again?” “Why am I having these dizziness spells?” “Why do I still need a nap every single day a year later?”
And also guilt. I asked myself: “Why am I still here while other people aren’t?”
And — let me tell you — those two combine to make some pretty big spiritual clutter.
You probably won’t be surprised to learn that my house is very, very neat and clean almost all the time. At the time, I had a client who was the opposite. She was depressed by her townhouse and hadn’t had people over in years — except for me, to try to work on it. We became very close very quickly.
One day, I was commenting to her that besides this stuff that was dragging her down, she had a vibrant life, was doing fun things, continuing her education, going on trips. I tried to prompt her a bit by saying: “Imagine what you could do without all this stuff weighing you down!”
She zinged me and said, “Look who’s talking.You keep telling me about ideas that you have for your business and things you want to do, and you’re not doing any of them. You are also stuck.”
So we challenged each other, and we both started facing our issues. I stopped postponing my decision to look at my fear and postponing the need to deal with my guilt.
Now I don’t know what your postponed decisions are. Do you have a fear you’re not facing? Or is there someone you need to give forgiveness to?
To move forward, you need to make a decision. Some are easy — for instance, you could say, “Two weeks from today and I will clean out this garage!” Some are grand — “I’m going to drop out of school, move to California, and write a novel!” And some are minuscule — “Every week I’m going to unsubscribe from two store emails.” Having clutter does not make you a bad person; it is not a moral sentence. And feeling guilty about your clutter is not going to help you, whether it’s guilt from someone else or from yourself.
There’s a saying I like that goes: “Change is a result of action, and action is the result of a decision.” You have the power — even in the midst of feeling horrible overwhelm to the point of being paralyzed — to create change by making a decision. It all starts with an action.
With the physical clutter, you’ve got to box it up, bag it up, take it to the donation center or the curb or wherever it goes. For the other kinds of clutter, you also need to take an action — it might be talking to a good friend, getting out in nature, meditating or journaling. In other words, do something, move forward, make a decision and take an action, even if it’s tiny. The universe will reward you with momentum.
And yes, some clutter is going to come back; that’s just life. But if you keep making decisions and don’t postpone them, you’ll ultimately move from overwhelm towards something that all of us want — peace.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kerry Thomas is a professional organizer and the owner and founder of Conquer the Chaos. She is passionate about helping business owners and leaders with ADHD organize their environments and clear all forms of clutter from their lives, so they can experience productivity and peace of mind. Thomas is also the author of the soon to be released book Less Clutter, More Peace: A Dog’s Teachings. She is based in Leesburg, Virginia.
Multiple Sclerosis can be an invisible and sometimes a crippling disease one, it depends on which type you have, Progressive or Relapsing, and many other factors. The key is MS can strike anyone, from any background and it can take a long time to receive a proper diagnosis. If you think you have Multiple Sclerosis keep pushing your doctors, make sure you see a Neurologist, not your general doctors. They don’t have the skills to detect the nuances of MS.
Do SOMETHING today to conserve energy, reduce waste, reduce pollution, reduce your carbon footprint, please do something or better yet many things to help our planet today. We live in the greatest place but we are choking our own necks. We have ignored the call for change for way too long. Please do your part, today and every day to help save our planet.
Let’s get one simple fact out of the way: All couples argue.
Whether you see them or not, every couple has disagreements. You may think that happily and unhappily married couples argue about different things, but they don’t.
According to a 2019 study, here are the top three conflict triggers that upset, irritate, hurt, or anger partners. They are:
Condescension (i.e., you are treated as stupid or inferior; your partner acts like they think they’re better than you)
Possessiveness, jealousy and/or dependency (i.e., your partner demands too much attention or time or is overly jealous, possessive, or dependent)
Neglect, rejection and/or unreliability (i.e., your partner ignores your feelings, doesn’t call or text, doesn’t say they love you)
Other high-ranking contenders were inconsiderate partners, self-absorbed partners and moody partners.
But what about the topics that we routinely avoid? While we sidestep thorny areas such as past partners and our past and present sex life, there is one topic we avoid altogether: The relationship itself.
Couples who believed “arguing should not be tolerated” were less satisfied and more aggressive, and the female partners were more depressed.
Much like parents who avoid the “sex talk” with their kids, partners avoid discussing their relationship because it provokes anxiety. In a study, it was the number-one taboo topic for one out of every three people and among the top topics to avoid for seven out of ten people.
But never have we paid so little attention to something so important — when couples believed that conflict was a bad sign, they had worse relationships. Those who believed “arguing should not be tolerated” were less satisfied and more aggressive, and the female partners were more depressed.
When researchers from the University of Michigan and Penn State University followed more than 1,500 adults for more than a week, they found that while people felt better on the day they avoided an argument, the next day they had diminished psychological well-being and increased cortisol, which can lead to weight gain, mood swings, and trouble sleeping. Short-term gain, long-term pain.
When we avoid conflict, we miss the opportunity to help our relationship improve. Without arguments there is no progress.
Studies have found that avoiding conversations now means making the relationship worse later. A 2017 study found that when partners avoided important relationship topics, they had worse communication, were less happy, and were less dedicated to their relationship seven weeks later.
Not only that, but when we avoid conflict we miss the opportunity to help our relationship improve. Without arguments there is no progress.
So most couples need to argue more, not less. To be clear, we shouldn’t seek friction and intentionally find reasons to fight, but we should willingly embrace naturally arising conflict. With that in mind, we should embrace frequent low-stakes disagreements and occasional arguments and have few, if any, big confrontations.
When we assume the best of our partner, we’re less likely to see malice in their actions, which makes arguments less stressful and more likely to be resolved.
For the good of the relationship, every argument needs to start the same way: Partners need to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Rather than start off assuming your partner is wrong, is hopelessly flawed, has bad intentions or is trying to hurt you, you give them what psychologist Carl Rogers calls “unconditional positive regard,” or the belief that at their core, everyone is a good person.
Research from 2019 backs this up, finding that when we assume the best of our partner, we’re less likely to see malice in their actions, which makes arguments less stressful and more likely to be resolved.
For successful conflict resolution, next you need to know what type of problem you’re dealing with. For serious problems like infidelity or substance abuse, it’s better to be direct by demanding change, taking a nonnegotiable stance, and showing anger, especially if your partner is able to change.
If the problems are more mundane (for ex., divvying up chores), you’re better off taking a cooperative approach by using love, humor, affection, and optimism. This is also the better tack for unsolvable problems (e.g., a meddlesome mother-in-law) or a partner who is hopelessly stubborn.
We are too confident in our ability to understand our partners, and they overestimate how clear they are when speaking to us.
Regardless of the problem, there’s no substitute for listening to your partner. Sounds simple, but we rarely truly listen.
How do we become better listeners? Give a “CRAPO”. Here’s what I mean:
1. Clarify
When your partner talks, you need to be sure that you’re clear about what they’re saying. We are too confident in our ability to understand our partners, and they overestimate how clear they are when speaking to us.
To remove all doubt, ask questions like, “When you say ______, what exactly does that mean?”; “Am I correct that ______ is the key issue?”; and “Can you give an example of ______?” It’s possible you’ll get it wrong, but then your partner can set the record straight and they’ll appreciate that you cared enough to try.
2. Reflect the other person’s feelings
This one should probably be named “empathy,” but I needed the letter R. Of course, the R could also stand for “Really Important” because of the five keys, this one is the most critical to get right.
Mastering empathy starts with a simple realization: Behind everything our partner says, there’s an emotion they’re dying to have us notice.
When you give a CRAPO, your job is to reflect back the deeper feelings that your partner is expressing: hurt, embarrassment, confusion, disappointment, frustration, annoyance, nervousness, bewilderment, apathy, or feeling overwhelmed, undervalued, lost, and inauthentic.
When acknowledging your partner’s feelings, you can hedge a bit with phrases like “You seem.. .,” “It sounds like… ,” or “Are you feeling . . .?” If you’re wrong, your partner knows you’re trying to understand, and empathy research shows your effort is more important for relationship satisfaction than accuracy.
3. Attend
Trying to find the right thing to say is only half the battle. You also need to watch your nonverbal signals, or the ways you communicate that go beyond the words you’re using.
For example, you need to show you’re listening by maintaining eye contact and sitting squarely facing your partner in a relaxed and open position, with just the slightest lean toward them.
Appearing fully engaged and present, without nearby distractions like your phone or other screens, conveys to your partner that the conversation is important. Prioritizing nonverbal signals also helps you pay attention, which is important because you need every ounce of mental bandwidth to master the other four steps to giving a CRAPO.
We need to realize that problems won’t just disappear and that talking things out is our only hope for improvement.
4. Paraphrase
To demonstrate your understanding, you should be able to recap what your partner is saying, using your own words. The process of rephrasing and summarizing has two big benefits: First, it shows your partner that you’re deeply invested in the conversation; second, knowing you need to paraphrase forces you to pay close attention.
5. Open-ended questions
If we’re being honest, in most conversations we’re waiting to turn the focus back to ourselves. When giving a CRAPO, you keep the spotlight on your partner by giving them the space to talk through how they feel.
To do that, ask open-ended questions that help your partner process their feelings. Lead them toward deeper analysis by asking questions like “What would you suggest to someone else in this same situation?”; “How did you make this decision?”; “What would make things better?”; “Why do you think this happened?”; and “How do you see this turning out?”
Each question focuses the problem, helps our partner gain perspective, and allows greater insight into the issue at hand. Now all you have to do is really listen to your partner’s answers.
Every relationship has flaws. We need to realize that problems won’t just disappear and that talking things out is our only hope for improvement.
We must see those conversations for what they are: difficult but necessary steps that help a strong relationship get stronger.
Gary W. Lewandowski Jr PhD Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. PhD is the author of the book Stronger Than You Think, a TEDx speaker and a psychology professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey. His writing and research focus on using science to help improve relationships.
Suffering is not beautiful, nor is it a state of grace. But you can swim to the wreckage at the bottom and bring something back to the surface that can help others, says writer Lidia Yuknavitch.
The truth is, suffering sucks and it can take you to a place of wanting to kill yourself, and there’s nothing beautiful about that. Suffering is not a state of grace. Suffering, from my point of view, is about a real place in a real body where you face the other side of living. How you choose to understand that story probably determines how you’re going to live the rest of your life.
I feel kindred with fellow sufferers, not because they suffer, and not because of some absurd vortex of victimhood camaraderie, and not because sufferers are in a state of grace, but because they go on, they endure. And because sometimes, the sufferer reinvents themself — and this kind of reinvention is what misfits are so good at. Misfits not only know a great deal about alternate and varied definitions of suffering, but misfits are also capable of alchemizing suffering, changing the energy from one form to another.
Here is the thing I want to say loudest of all: I haven’t transcended anything. No great revelation has come my way. I haven’t “moved on.”
So let me tell you a different suffering story that cannot be corralled by a culture that asks you to process your suffering in ways that make you a good citizen in an ever-churning economy of productive people. My daughter died the day she was born. I am not the only person who has experienced the suffering that comes from such a loss. But I am one of those who is willing to stand up, tell the story out loud, admit that I have carried that profound loss, that birth-death crisis, for more than thirty years now.
Here is the thing I want to say loudest of all: I haven’t transcended anything. No great revelation has come my way. I haven’t ascended into some magical wisdom. I haven’t “moved on.” At least not without her — my daughter I mean. And my suffering is not a state of grace. It’s just a part of me. Like my heart. When her birth-death first happened, here is what I did: I lost my marbles. It did not happen instantly.
At the hospital I could feel myself disintegrating a molecule at a time, but I didn’t say anything. I drank the water they gave me, though I didn’t eat the food. I held my swaddled lifeless daughter several times. I kissed her, I cradled her, I sang to her. I let the nurses give me a hot towel “bath” in the bed the second night, which remains on my list of top five most phenomenal physical experiences of my life. I thought I might be dead, but the heated wet towels reminded my skin that I was in fact alive, even if I was deadened.
It was my sister who brought me back to life, slowly, feeding me bits of saltine crackers to lure me back, and then one day an egg, and eventually, a milkshake. The milkshake made me smile.
By the time they released me and sent me home, I wasn’t speaking at all, to anyone. And I wouldn’t let a single human touch me. I felt . . . mammalian. Back to some animal past of pure instinct and wariness of everything around me. The hair on my legs and arms grew long, like white fur, which sometimes happens when someone stops eating.
It was my sister who brought me back to life, slowly, feeding me bits of saltine crackers to lure me back, and then one day an egg, and eventually, a milkshake. The milkshake made me smile. It was my sister who stepped fully clothed into the shower with me when she would hear me sobbing. She held me tight like a mother would, and her clothes, I began to feel the texture of her clothes against my skin.
It took almost a year. Partway through that first year, I did something unethical. I lied. I lied more than you can imagine. I went back to college, and I had a part-time job at a daycare center, which in retrospect may have been a tragic error. I lied to everyone who asked me about my daughter. I told anyone and everyone that she was alive, she was beautiful, such long eyelashes. I lied about where we were living, I lied about the classes I was barely attending. I’d throw my head back and laugh and say, “Motherhood!”
What I’m telling you is that in the face of people who came toward me with their regular-person questions about my pregnancy and birth story, I broke into fictions because I could not make what happened come out of my mouth. My story didn’t fit the other mothers’ stories. Misfit. My lying started out as me telling people I was staying at a friend’s house, which was a story line that passed quite well. But I wasn’t living with a friend. In the tapestry inside my head and heart a new weaving emerged that made a kind of “sense” given how it felt to be me.
My daughter’s death was so alive in me it felt like we were two people walking around. I mean she felt that present to me — like a second body.
What it felt like to be me was that I was among the walking dead, and I lived at the bottom of a very dark ocean. A ghost person living in some sea wreckage. And so I gravitated toward other ghost people, at night, and I started sleeping under an overpass just at the edge of town, near a bus stop where buses would take me back to the normalcy of a college campus during the day. I read books. I wrote a paper or two. I passed a test here and there.
My daughter’s death was so alive in me it felt like we were two people walking around. I mean she felt that present to me — like a second body. As present as when she swam her days and nights away inside the world of my belly. I “passed” in every sphere of regular life I entered, but I entered those spheres less and less and spent more and more time under the overpass. I was never alone. My daughter was with me.
Some people will understand this kind of ghost life. I had a notebook in which I wrote pages and pages of crazy lady gibberish, or seeming gibberish. I read all kinds of books. Inside the books I again saw stories that I recognized, because, well, literature is filled with characters whose lives are so broken they can barely breathe.
Literature is the land of the misfitted. Inside that notebook filled with what may have looked to an outside observer like strange hieroglyphics, in between the lines, there were glimpses of actual stories. The stories were about strange girls filled with rage or love or art that came shooting out of them, almost violently. And as I stepped back toward the world, I saw that the lies I’d been telling weren’t lies at all. They were precise fictions about living inside a woman’s body and the journey I’d just made to the bottom of an ocean, the journey to death and back. What other people called lies were actually portals to finding my ability to invent stories.
The other side of destruction is always the possibility of self-expression. Creativity. The mistake we make with teens and young adults and broken adults is to forget that.
Ten years later, the quality of my suffering took on a different form. My suffering became hunger. Hunger for ideas, hunger for sex, hunger for danger, hunger for risk. I read every book I could get my hands on, then I’d research the books the author had read and I’d read all of those. I slept with teachers, with students, with drunks and junkies, men and women, with anyone who had a glint of fire or danger in the corner of their eye. There wasn’t a drug I wouldn’t try.
What I no doubt do not need to explain is how dangerous my hunger and subsequent behavior were. That’s a story line we are all trained to understand. What I do want to explain is what my hunger was generative of. What looks from the outside like self-destruction isn’t always so. The other side of destruction is always the possibility of self-expression. Creativity. The mistake we make with teens and young adults and broken adults is to forget that. All creativity has destruction as its other, just like the beyond beautiful dead infant I held in my arms.
What I saw in literary books was a possible path from suffering and self-destruction to self-expression. I went back to the nutso gibberish I wrote down in that notebook under the overpass, and I began to cull the stories. Once I started writing, I never stopped. For this reason I would say that the death of my daughter and entering a real place called psychosis and being homeless were not just tragic. They were generative. Those experiences put writing into my hands.
Twenty years later, the quality of the suffering took shape and form on pages. The girl I lost became the girl I found inside stories where girls nearly die but then don’t, where girls with their hair on fire invent ways to save themselves, where girls who are incarcerated by family or violence or love or social norms break out of culture and into journeys no one has ever imagined before. What I’m saying is, the more I wrote, the more I understood that my so-called traumas — the death of the daughter, the abuse in my childhood, the rage I carried and acted out as a teen and young adult — were places of storytelling. Realms of expression.
In this sense, to be a misfit means to be willing to dive into the waters of one’s life, swim to the wreckage at the bottom, and bring something back to the surface.
Thirty years later the quality of my sadness has changed so radically that I can only understand it as pure creativity. In every book I have ever written there is a girl. And there always will be. My grief and my daughter’s death and my suffering were not something to “get over” or medicate or counsel out of me. They were generative of the most important forms of self-expression I’ll ever create in my lifetime. And that doesn’t just matter for my career as a writer, or even for my mental and emotional health as a woman. It’s also the path I took to learn love, so that when my son came, sun of my life, I was able to give it with abandon and joy.
Death, grief, trauma are alive in our actual bodies. We carry them our whole lives, even if we act like it’s possible to “step out of them.” Writing, making stories, drawing and painting, and making art doesn’t release me from loss or grief or trauma, but it does let me re-story my self and my body. In this sense, to be a misfit means to be willing to dive into the waters of one’s life, swim to the wreckage at the bottom, and bring something back to the surface.
When I tell you that literature and writing have saved my life, perhaps you can believe me when I say they came into my body and lodged in the space that my daughter left open. If you are one of those people who has the ability to make it down to the bottom of the ocean, the ability to swim the dark waters without fear, the astonishing ability to move through life’s worst crucibles and not die, then you also have the ability to bring something back to the surface that helps others in a way that they cannot achieve themselves.
You are not nothing. You are vital to your culture. We misfits are the ones with the ability to enter grief. Death. Trauma. And emerge. But we have to keep telling our stories, giving them to each other, or they will eat us alive. Our suffering is not the Christ story. Our suffering is generative of secular meaning. We put ordinary forms of hope into the world so that others, scruffy or graceful, might go on.
Lidia Yuknavitch is the author of the bestselling novels “The Book of Joan,” “The Small Backs of Children” and “Dora: A Headcase,” as well as the memoir “The Chronology of Water.” She is the recipient of two Oregon Book Awards, a Willamette Writers Award, and she was a finalist for the 2017 Brooklyn Public Library Literary Prize and the 2012 Pen Center Creative Nonfiction Award. She writes, teaches and lives in Portland, Oregon.
Fact: The current American flag was designed by a high school student
It started as a school project for Bob Heft’s junior-year history class, and it only earned a B- in 1958. His design had 50 stars even though Alaska and Hawaii weren’t states yet. Heft figured the two would earn statehood soon and showed the government his design. After President Dwight D. Eisenhower called to say his design was approved, Heft’s teacher changed his grade to an A.
Fact: Cows don’t have upper front teeth
They do have molars in the top back of their mouths though. Where you’d expect upper incisors, cows, sheep, and goats have a thick layer of tissue called a “dental pad.” They use that with their bottom teeth to pull out grass. Check out these 13 fun facts about the human body you’ve always wondered about.
Fact: Thanks to 3D printing, NASA can basically “email” tools to astronauts
Getting new equipment to the Space Station used to take months or years, but the new technology means the tools are ready within hours.
Fact: Only a quarter of the Sahara Desert is sandy
Or technically, we peel them upside-down. These random facts will have you eating fruit differently. Naturally, they grow outward from their stems, but that means their bottoms actually face the sky. As they get bigger, the fruits turn toward the sun, forming that distinctive curve. Check out these 21 food myths that are totally untrue.
Fact: There were active volcanoes on the moon when dinosaurs were alive
Most of the volcanoes probably stopped one billion years ago, but new NASA findings suggest there might still have been active lava flow 100 million years ago, when dinosaurs were still roaming.
Fact: Dogs sniff good smells with their left nostril
Dogs normally start sniffing with their right nostril, then keep it there if the smell could signal danger, but they’ll shift to the left side for something pleasant, like food or a mating partner. Learn the real reason dogs follow you everywhere.
Fact: Avocados were named after reproductive organs
Indigenous people of Mexico and Central America used the Nahuatl word āhuacatl to mean both “testicles” and “avocado.” The fruits were originally marketed as “alligator pears” in the United States until the current name stuck. For more random facts, learn what the original word for avocado means about guacamole’s name.
Remember how weird it was to ask questions about sex as a teenager? High school teacher Al Vernacchio answers his students’ questions about everything from DIY birth control to how to tell when a guy really likes you, in an excerpt from his new book.
On the first day of my Sexuality and Society class, I don’t pass around anatomy drawings. I don’t hand out pamphlets about safer sex, although those are stacked on a table near the door. Instead, the first thing I do is establish ground rules. People should speak for themselves, laughter is OK, we won’t ask “personal history” questions, and we’ll work to create a community of peers who care about and respect one another. Only then can we get to work.
I’m all about context. Talking about sexuality, intimacy, relationships, and pleasure can’t be done in a vacuum.
In the back corner of my classroom is an old shoebox with a hole cut into the top of it. Next to the box are scraps of paper and some pencils. This is the Question Box, a place where kids can drop any question they have about human sexuality. I answer the questions both during class time and on a blog I maintain at school.
Here are some actual questions from students and my answers to them. I haven’t done any fancy editing; these are the questions just as the kids asked them. They run the gamut from innocent to downright technical. My answers are exactly as I gave them, to show how even a simple question allows for both information and value clarification to be offered in response. Here goes:
Why is sex so good?
There are two ways to answer this question. From the biological perspective, sex feels good for an important evolutionary reason. If a species, like ours, is going to reproduce sexually, then there’s an advantage if that action also feels good. As I’ve often said, if sex felt like getting your tooth drilled at the dentist, people wouldn’t have it very often, and that could eventually threaten the survival of our species. Our bodies have evolved so that our genital regions, as well as many, many other parts of the body, are sensitive to sexual stimulation.
A part of the body that brings sexual pleasure when stimulated is called an erogenous zone. This does not mean just our genitals. All of us have many places on our bodies that result in sexual pleasure when stimulated. Knowing your own and your partner’s erogenous zones can lead to much more fulfilling sexual experiences. The mechanisms of sexual pleasure involve a combination of nerve impulses, blood flow, and muscle tension. To find out more about this, you might Google the phrase “human sexual response cycle” and look at the work of Masters and Johnson, two famous sex researchers who studied the body changes that happen when people get sexually excited.
WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT IF WE COULD SAY, “THE THURSDAY FOLLOWING YOUR SIXTH DATE IS THE MOST APPROPRIATE DAY TO START HAVING SEX”? OF COURSE, THAT’S NOT THE WAY IT WORKS.
The second reason sex feels good is that humans have developed the emotional capacity to feel love, intimacy, and passion. These emotional states highlight and deepen sexual pleasure.
While pleasure can exist without these emotions, it is much more significant when they are present.
When is someone emotionally and physically ready for sex?
I wish I had an answer that would be right for all people at all times, but the real answer is “it depends.” We are all unique individuals, and our relationships are all unique. Because of that, there can’t be a standard answer to this question. Wouldn’t it be great if we could say, “The Thursday following your sixth date is the most appropriate day to start having sex”? But, of course, that’s not the way it works.
EMOTIONALLY, A PERSON HAS TO BE READY TO FACE OTHER PEOPLE’S RESPONSE, POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE.
I think it’s appropriate to start being sexually active with a sweetheart (and remember: I define sexually active as being involved with someone else’s body for the purpose of giving and receiving sexual pleasure) when intimacy, commitment, and passion are established and both people have pretty equal amounts of these feelings for each other. I don’t think these things develop quickly, so I don’t think sexual activity is appropriate on a first date or early in a new relationship.
I also think people aren’t ready to become sexually active if they can’t talk about it with their partners in a serious way, and also talk about safer sex practices, contraception (if appropriate), and possible positive and negative consequences and how they’d deal with them. Emotionally, a person has to be ready to face other people’s response, positive or negative, to the sexual activity and be willing to share those emotional reactions with his or her partner.
As you can see, I think it takes a lot for a couple to be ready to engage in sexual activity. If any of the above things aren’t in place, I’d say you’re not ready.
Could you use a balloon as a condom?
Short Answer—ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! UNSAFE! UNHEALTHY! DANGER! DANGER!
Longer Answer: OK, I’m calmer now. Condoms are made to be condoms; balloons are made to be balloons. Both can be made of latex, but that doesn’t mean they’re interchangeable. You wouldn’t use a pencil eraser as a car tire even though they’re both made of rubber, would you?
If a person doesn’t feel confident enough to acquire condoms, then maybe they shouldn’t be having intercourse.
Condoms, when used correctly, are an essential tool in reducing the risk of pregnancy and STIs. They work so well because they’re designed for that purpose. No condom substitute (balloon, plastic baggie, sock—whatever) will provide the same level of protection, and some can do more harm than good. So insist on the original! Sometimes people ask about condom substitutes because they don’t know where to get condoms or are embarrassed to get them. Condoms can be purchased at any local drugstore; there are no age requirements for buying condoms and no prescriptions are necessary. Free condoms are available from many health clinics, sexual health agencies, and even some schools (although ours does not provide free condoms at this time).
Here’s an important thing to consider. If a person doesn’t feel confident enough to acquire condoms, then maybe they shouldn’t be having intercourse. Being ready for sexual intercourse means being able to handle all aspects of the situation, including protecting oneself and one’s sweetheart from unwanted consequences. Remember my rule about sexual activity—“ If you can’t look your partner in the eye and talk about it, then you can’t do it with them.” My rule for condoms is, “If you can’t take responsibility for securing condoms, then you’re not allowed to have the kind of sexual activity that calls for using condoms.”
How can you tell if a guy likes you?
I know you’re really hoping for a clear-cut answer here, but that’s just not the way it works, I’m afraid. People can react in all kinds of ways when they like you. Some people get really quiet around you. Others will make sure you notice them. Some will tease you or act annoying. Some will just silently stare at you (yes, that can feel a little creepy).
The best way to figure out if a guy likes you is to ask him! Might it feel awkward to do that? Sure, but it’s also a way to get a clear answer. You might want to resort to the middle-school tactic of asking your friends to ask his friends if he really likes you or not, but that makes the whole thing so much more public than it needs to be. You could try using Facebook or texts to figure it out, but they’re not great ways to get clear information.
Why not try the kind of “I message” we use in class? In an I message, you describe the situation, say what you feel, and say what you want or need. Below are two different I messages you might try (or make up your own!).
#1: “I’m trying to figure something out and I could use your help. I’m feeling a bit confused about what you think of me. I’m wondering, can you be honest with me and tell me whether you like me or not?”
#2: “It’s hard for me to figure out if someone likes me or not. I’d be a lot less anxious if I knew for sure. So, I was just wondering, do you like me?”
Asking such a question might seem scary, but remember, the worst a person can say is no, and you’re absolutely strong enough to hear that and be OK. Believe it! Then go ask him.
Al Vernacchio In his 12th-grade Sexuality and Society class, Al Vernacchio speaks honestly and positively about human sexuality. He is the author of <em>For Goodness Sex</em>.
Here are three common-sense tips to help you feed your hunger and not your emotions, from dietician Eve Lahijani.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from someone in the TED community. To see all the posts, go here.
Imagine if eating were as simple as, say, refueling a car. You’d fill up only when an indicator nudged towards E, you couldn’t possibly overdo it or else your tank would overflow, and you’d never, ever dream of using it as a treat.
Instead, for many of us, eating is anything but straightforward. What starts out as a biological necessity quickly gets entangled with different emotions, ideas, memories and rituals. Food takes on all kinds of meanings — as solace, punishment, appeasement, celebration, obligation – and depending on the day and our mood, we may end up overeating, undereating or eating unwisely.
It’s time for us to rethink our relationship with food, says Eve Lahijani, a Los Angeles-based dietician and a nutrition health educator at UCLA. She offers three common-sense steps to help get there.
1. Reconnect with your hunger.
So many things drive us to eat — it’s noon and that means lunchtime, it’s midnight and that means snack time, we’re happy, we’re anxious, we’d rather not bring home leftovers, we’re too polite to say no, we’re bored, and oh, wow, has someone brought in donuts?!?
Similarly, we suppress our appetite for a myriad of reasons — we’re too busy, we’re sad, we’re mad, nobody else is eating, it’s too early, it’s too late, we’re too excited.
Now try doing this: Eat only when you’re hungry; stop when you’re full. “It may seem obvious to you,” concedes Lahijani. Still, think over your past week: How many times did you eat when you weren’t hungry?
She suggests that we think about our hunger and our fullness on a 0-10 scale, with 0-1 being famished and 9-10 being painfully stuffed (as in holiday-dinner stuffed). She says, “You want to begin eating when you first get hungry, and that correlates with the three or a four on the scale and [to stop] … when you first get comfortably full, a six or seven on the scale.”
The reason you shouldn’t wait until you’re starving (or, 0-2 on the scale) is because that’s when people tend to make nutritionally unsound choices. If you’ve ever gone to the supermarket when you were ravenous, you probably didn’t fill up your cart with produce; you gravitated towards the high-calorie, super-filling items.
Lahijani says, “It’s also wise to eat when you first get hungry because you’re more likely to enjoy your food [and] you’re more likely to eat mindfully … When you let yourself get too hungry, chances are, you’re eating really fast and not really paying attention. In fact, one of the biggest predictors of overeating is letting yourself get too hungry in the first place.”
2. Feed your body what it is craving.
When Lahijani was a stressed-out college and graduate student, her eating took one of two forms: she was either dieting or bingeing. As she says: “Whenever I was on a diet, the diet told me what to eat,”; while on a binge, she’d eat whatever was convenient or go all out on foods forbidden by her then-diet. Developing a different relationship with food meant stepping out of those patterns. “Instead of listening to others’ opinions of what I should eat, I became silent and I tuned into my own body,” she says. “I fed my body what it was craving.”
It turns out Lahijani didn’t crave junk food. She says, “I was actually tasting things for the first time, because my mind wasn’t filled with judgment and guilt. I actually found that my body actually craved nurturing, nourishing foods like vegetables and fruits. I actually liked my sister’s kale and quinoa salad.”
3. Try not to use food as a reward or a punishment.
It’s not surprising that we do this. After all, as children, we quickly learn that rejoicing and parties come with cake, while transgressions result in … no cake. But one of the great things about being an adult is, we can establish our own associations. By all means, let’s continue to mark our birthdays with cake — or with fresh fruit and a stockpot of homemade veggie chili if that’s what you prefer. Or, celebrate in ways that have nothing to do with eating. You can set your own rules now.
When Lahijani’s fraught feelings about food eased, she was surprised to find these effects go beyond eating. “What’s really interesting is to see how making peace with food affected other areas of my life. As I learned how to listen to myself, I became better at listening to others, I became more empathetic,” she says. “As I made a point to trust myself, I became more trusting in my relationships and more vulnerable, and as I became more loving to myself … I learned what it meant to love someone else.”
Earth Day is right around the corner and I can’t think of a better way to start the conversation on how our every day choices impact the planet. There are some great ideas in here and lots of information I didn’t know and I thought I was an informed shopper. Best of all if we buy less not only do we save lots of money we help the planet.
Most of us know that the fashion industry is built on an unsustainable business model powered by overconsumption. Clothing is cheaper than ever, brands release new styles every day and we can get a new wardrobe delivered to our door with the touch of a button.
In fact, between 2000 to 2014, annual clothing production doubled and the number of garments purchased per capita rose 60 percent. But this convenience comes at a high cost.
The fashion industry contributes to around 10 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions — which is more than the aviation and shipping industries combined. It’s also draining precious environmental resources: The industry produces about 20 percent of global wastewater and, what’s even worse, 85 percent of textiles end up in landfills or are incinerated.
The industry is clearly in need of large-scale change, so trying to make a difference with your individual purchases can feel discouraging. But through their everyday buying decisions, consumers can send powerful messages to big corporations and create demand for more sustainable products. If you’re looking to cut down on waste in an already wasteful industry, here are six ways to start:
Choose lower-impact materials
Cotton and polyester — two materials with a high environmental impact — dominate the fast fashion industry. Cotton production relies on pesticides and fertilizers that generate nitrous oxide (N2O), a greenhouse gas with morewarming potential than methane and carbon dioxide. It also requires large amounts of water. In fact, a single cotton T-shirt can take up to 2,700 liters (713 gallons) of water to produce.
Meanwhile, polyester has a massive carbon footprint. “Polyester production for textiles released about 706 billion kilograms (1.5 trillion pounds) of greenhouse gases in 2015, the equivalent of 185 coal-fired power plants’ annual emissions,” according to the World Resources Institute. On top of that, polyester generates microplastics (tiny pieces of plastic that pollute the environment) every time you wash it. An estimated half a million tonnes of these microfibers end up in our oceans each year.
Instead of cotton and polyester, choose lower-impact natural materials, including wool, linen and lyocell (which is made from wood pulp).
Buy less and mend more
Fashion production is projected to rise 81 percent by 2030, according to the 2019 Pulse of the Fashion Industry report, and the only way to move the needle there is to change the model of overconsumption. For the members of climate activist network Extinction Rebellion, which urged people to boycott the fashion industry last year, that can mean buying no new items. For others, it might be as simple as investing in pieces you’ll wear for years and staying away from any trend-focused purchases. It can also mean mending and repurposing your already-used items to make them last longer. If you’re not handy with a needle and thread, it’s your chance to support a local tailor.
Purchase secondhand and vintage
If you still want to add the occasional item to your wardrobe, buying secondhand and vintage can reduce a garment’s carbon footprint by around 82 percent. Thanks to online resellers like Depop, ThredUp and The RealReal, buying used is an increasingly popular and convenient choice. In 2019, secondhand clothing expanded 21 times faster than conventional apparel.
“I don’t buy anything new. I get all my clothes secondhand from flea markets and thrift stores,” said designer Jessi Arrington in a TED Talk. “Secondhand shopping allows me to reduce the impact my wardrobe has on the environment and on my wallet. I get to meet all kinds of great people; my dollars usually go to a good cause; I look pretty unique; and it makes shopping like my own personal treasure hunt.”
There are also fashion rental options like Rent the Runway and Armoire that give you access to special occasion dresses or monthly subscription boxes of designer pieces. While renting can be a great way to wear trendy clothing with less impact, using their in-person drop-off and pickup locations, like Rent the Runway’s swap shops, can combat the environmental cost of packaging, shipping and returning items.
Look into brands’ labor practices
Fashion manufacturers often employ cheap labor to reduce production costs, relying on some 40 million low-wage garment workers in countries across Southeast Asia and Europe, the majority of whom are women.
Many are forced to work long hours in unsafe environments. For example, in 2013, an eight-story building housing several garment factories collapsed in Bangladesh — the second largest clothing manufacturer in the world. More than 1,000 workers died and over 2,500 were injured. Likewise, leather tannery workers are at higher risk of skin and respiratory diseases as a result of repeated exposure to hazardous chemicals without proper safety equipment. Because of huge power imbalances, these workers virtually have no recourse when it comes to negotiating salaries, hours or safety conditions.
Check brand websites to see if they publicly list their supply chain information, or search for it on sites like Fashion Checker. You might also consider reaching out on social media to ask about their labor practices. Not only could this start a conversation, it can also signal to the brand that consumers want supply-chain transparency.
Support Indigenous businesses
Indigenous people comprise less than 5 percent of the world’s population but protect 80 percent of global biodiversity, according to environmental activist Hindou Oumarou Ibrahim. So it’s no surprise that Indigenous design is rooted in sustainability, and using your purchasing power to support Indigenous-owned businesses can elevate the same communities who safeguard these resources.
“Many Indigenous people still carry the knowledge of living in harmony with nature, which is key for our world tackling climate change right now,” says womenswear designer Angel Chang. “However, this knowledge lies with the elders whose wisdom is quickly disappearing. Consumers can support Indigenous artisans by purchasing items that are made in the traditional way, according to the cycles of nature following techniques passed down from their ancestors.”
Champion new scientific technology
Scientists across the world are working on innovative ways to address fashion’s waste problem. Spain’s Ecoalf is creating shoes from algae and recycled plastic. The Amsterdam-based brand GumDrop collects gum and turns it into a new kind of rubber. Other companies are exploring biofabrication methods like “growing” clothes from microbes and producing leather from tissue cells without harming animals.
Natsai Audrey Chieza, the founder and creative director of Faber Futures, says that she believes customers need to demand more than just the technological intervention, and start asking what kind of values drive tech companies.
“We also know that the environmental crises we face cannot be solved with drop-in replacement technologies alone, because this market logic ignores difference, creates monopolies and reinforces dominant power structures, many of which have directly caused and sustained our environmental and social crises,” Chieza says. “Led by a strong desire to transition from a world built on historic and ongoing exploitative models to a more just future, citizens will signal a preference for products from companies built from the ground up to protect both people and planet.”
Money can be one of the worst things for making you worry; indeed, a lot of people can feel like their mental wellbeing has been effectively ruined over their financial insecurity. It’s a very serious thing – almost half of the people currently in debt also report having mental health issues.
If that also sounds like you, being able to take more control over your finances is key for achieving greater peace and stability in your lifestyle. Of course, learning to live with and/or manage your money worries is only part of the solution, but it’s essential to do. But don’t worry, you don’t have to take this challenge on alone – here are some tips for stopping your money worries from overwhelming you.
Don’t ever let your finances go unchecked; face your fears and confront the problem head-on by keeping up with how your bank account, credit scores, and any other financial platforms you’re a part of our functioning.
Because when you’re aware, you’re in control. You’re able to face the problem, and prevent it from becoming a bigger problem before it ever gets the chance to. And you can make this easy for yourself. For example, if you’ve got car insurance to pay for, be sure to make it easy to check in with by using something like a direct auto insurance account to keep up to date straight from your phone.
Be Realistic
The next step is to be realistic, which can be a hard thing when you’re finding it very hard to face the reality of your finances. However, when you’re realistic, you’ll be able to put together a workable budget, that allows you to take care of yourself and pay for any debt and other financial obligations you have.
Start with your income, and then take away your expenses, both fixed and variable. If this all fluctuates, use a monthly average. Whatever you’ve got leftover is what you can put towards those credit card bills, and use to bump up your credit score bit by bit. Even just a couple of regular debt payments can turn it green again.
Don’t Let Yourself Be Alone
Finally, if you’re someone who has serious money worries, don’t let yourself be alone in facing them. Talk to friends and family about them, or work with a professional such as an advisor, who could help you to see the light in your struggles.
Most of all, make sure you feel supported, and like you’ve got some strength behind you. Even if you need someone to be there with you when you check your bank account for the first time in months, ask someone to come round and sit with you. It could really change how you see your finances.
Money worries can be overwhelming, at their worst. Be sure to reach out for help, and always try to face your fears, as you have the power to take control of a problem like this.
If your only choice is seeing a General Practitioner for chronic illness, you will have to take on the additional responsibility to make sure you’re getting the best healthcare. What you can’t expect is a General Practitioner to be a one-stop-shop, they have 15 minutes per patient and treat the most common illnesses. Once your 15 minutes is up, you have to save questions for the next appointment. And while it may be particularly frustrating to have to leave empty-handed, it can help to get into the right mindset for doing your own research.
If seeing a General Practitioner for all your chronic illnesses, go into each meeting expecting three questions to get answered, if the conversation doesn’t go off track. Go prepared with questions, concerns, or medical issues but don’t expect more than 15 minutes unless your insurance company allows 30-minute appointments. I schedule 30 minutes with my GP on each visit, which lowers my stress level and allows us to talk more in-depth if needed.
If you make multiple visits to your doctor for the same issue make sure to ask for a referral. They are clearly out of their league. I speak from experience, I saw my doctor for 15 years and in that time he may have made two or three referrals. After finally realizing he was not the right doctor for me anymore I changed to a woman.
In the two years I’ve been seeing her she has made over a dozen referrals and each doctor r has found something wrong with me. I value that she doesn’t mess around and see if she can handle something outside of her experience.
Jessica Owen’s at Cherish Editions and division of Trigger Publishing gifted me a copy of Hannah Green’s book My Journey Home for an honest review. Thank you for the opportunity to read Hannah’s remarkable story.
For years Hannah Green ran from the truth, but after being sexually assaulted and then finding herself with nowhere to live, she was forced to confront the sexual abuse she endured as a child. She experienced homelessness for over a year and was moved from place to place after being let down by multiple different services. She turned to drugs and alcohol until she was introduced to Surfing. It was then that everything changed.
Besides being a fun and active sport, surfing is thought to significantly help those suffering from PTSD by altering the way the brain works. It has been suggested that the activity strengthens the hippocampus’ ability to inhibit the fight-or-flight response, which can improve mood (Frontiers for Young Minds). In taking up this sport and finding her passion, Hannah was slowly able to confront the sexual abuse she had endured as a child and overcome her PTSD.
Hannah says that ‘When you’re in the water, you don’t have the time to think about anything else. It gives you focus, a sense of mindfulness, and something to aim towards. Surf therapy changed my life.’
One Review
‘If you’re going to read one book this year, make it this one. A beautiful tale of hope, belief, determination and pure spirit’ – Neville Southall MBE
My Thoughts
“My Journey Home is a heartbreaking story of a rape victim who is determined to become a survivor by working hard to put the past behind her and build a better life. After suffering many setbacks including homelessness, depression, and PTSD, she seeks out a therapist to help get her life back on track. Right at the time she starts therapy, her story takes a turn for the worse when during EMDR Treatments for the rape she uncovers forgotten memories of child abuse that took place at her parent’s house. It takes an insurmountable amount of strength to open up to her parents about the abuse and to continue to work on resolving her inner pain with the help of her parents and friends. Hannah’s book tackles serious issues and uncovers deficiencies surrounding sexual assault laws. Hannah is one special woman and her story will inspire all.”
About Cherish Editions
Cherish Editions is the self-publishing division of Trigger Publishing, the UK’s leading independent mental health and wellbeing publisher.
We are experienced in creating and selling positive, responsible, important and inspirational books, which work to de-stigmatise the issues around mental health, as well as helping people who read them to maintain and improve their mental health and wellbeing. By choosing to publish through Cherish Editions, you will get the expertise of the dedicated Trigger Team at every step of the process.
Go buy Hannah’s book, My Journey Home today at Amazon.
These are some great tips from one of my favorite book-a-zine, Willow and Sage.
Made from stinging nettle plants, organic nettle tea can help relieve seasonal allergy symptoms with its natural antihistamine. You reap all the benefits of antihistamine symptom relief without having to take conventional medicines. You can drink the daily as a preventative or as needed.
Spirulina is a superfood full of amazing plant nutrients, like iron, calcium, vitamin A and C, and protein. While great for overall health, spiraling may be beneficial during allergy season because it is high in antioxidants and has been shown to protect the body from anything that might compromise the immune system. It is high in chlorophyll and is detoxifying. Other superfoods like Kale, turmeric, mace powder, hemp, and flax are great for reducing inflammation and boosting your immune system.
A probiotic can help boost your gut and immune system health, which plays a big part in seasonal allergies. You can digest probiotics by eating fermented items like sauerkraut, and kombucha, or by taking a supplement. Make sure it is a high-quality probiotic from an organic source.
Apple Cider Vinegar is detoxifying and practically a remedy for everything. Taking as little as 1 tablespoon a day can help you feel and be healthier, which will, in turn, reduce your allergy symptoms. Make sure you purchase unfiltered organic Apple Cider Vinegar.
Essential oils, such as melaleuca, peppermint, lavender, frankincense, lemon, and eucalyptus, help with seasonal allergy relief. I like to fill a roller bottle with a carrier oil and 5-10 drops of each chosen essential oil. I apply this to my nose, on my temples, and behind my ears when I begin to feel swollen or puffy, as well as to the bottom of my feet. You can use these as needed as well as preventative.
When we struggle to calm down, it may not necessarily be about the stress in our lives, but the lack of energy. When we break down what energy is, it is, in a spiritual and scientific sense, vibration. In a spiritual sense, vibration is the atmosphere and the energetic quality of a person. You always get a certain energy from somebody when they walk into a room, and on a scientific level, energy is vibration. And so, if you are looking for more spiritual ways to improve your energy or your vibration, how can you do this?
The great thing about meditation and breathwork is that it constantly brings you into the present. But not everybody has the concentration to feel the benefits right away. This is why a practice like Tai Chi can be invaluable. It is one of those martial arts that requires focus but is a very cleansing practice. It has an abundance of health benefits, which you can find out more about on the taichiforhealthinstitute.org website. The importance of finding some kind of meditative practice in life will give you more energy. But people who have no interest in martial arts or breathwork can find meditation in the simplest of things. Some people find themselves absorbed in a video game or a sport. Once we get into this frame of mind, we will have greater feelings of peace. Conduct meditation in your own special way.
Gratitude
We don’t necessarily consider gratitude as an energy booster. But when you start to think about what you are grateful for, it can reduce sensations of anger, which will greatly help you with energy. When you are practicing gratitude, it is impossible to feel anger or fear. Fear and anger are low-energy emotions, so if you start to change your attention to making gratitude a habit, it will change your life. If you need more information on this, you can see the actual scientific benefits of gratitude on happierhuman.com.
Forgiveness
Blame is something that comes easy to us humans. When we start to forgive others, we will start to feel better, and more energetic. When we learn how to forgive, it stops us from clinging to negative and unimportant emotions. By forgiving, you are starting to stray away from possession and self-absorption. On a very simple human-level, when you start to forgive people, it stops you from hanging on to the negativity in your life. It’s so easy to blame others, and this blame is so exhausting. Start to forgive, and you are freeing yourself, as well as the person you are forgiving.
The Reduction of Toxins
Toxins like alcohol will contribute to depression and reduce energy levels. When you start to listen to your body and give it what it needs, you will start to feel the energy in more abundance.
Positivity
To feel better, you can start by feeling happier thoughts. Each negative thought will have an impact on your energy levels. It takes 17 seconds for one positive thought to attract another one similar to it. Bear that in mind the next time you think negative thoughts.
In the hustle and bustle of our hectic daily lives, we often don’t find time for ourselves to just be, to de-stress and take some time off for much-needed self-care. But it’s very important we do that – both, for our mental well-being and our physical health – especially in times of lockdown and added anxieties.
Here are five easy ways you can de-stress, chill and rejuvenate.
People often associate meditation with religious practice or spirituality; but meditation is a great tool to centre oneself, calm one’s mind and regain focus. You don’t have to meditate for long – sometimes even 10-15 minutes can help you de-stress. Don’t worry about technique either – just find a quiet spot in your house, close your eyes and don’t think about your to-do list or chores. It’s ok if a stream of thoughts keep coming; just let them pass and soon you will get the hang of distilling out unwanted thoughts and focussing on just being. Beginners can also take the aid of guided meditation audios that help you to focus, or just put on some soothing meditation music to set the mood.
Paint
Painting is a great therapeutic tool. Again, you don’t need to be a trained artist or know a particular style of painting. Just put your brush to paper or canvas and let your creativity just flow. The calmness and therapeutic effect comes about through the brush strokes and the creation itself. All you need are a few art supplies, a room or corner to paint and you’re good to go!
Help Other People
Often, the act of altruism or helping other people without any ulterior motive or expecting a reward in return, instills in us a feeling of joy and contentment that aids the overall well-being of our mental, psychological and spiritual state. It’s similar to the ‘feel-good factor’ we all crave. Of course helping others in times of need and impromptu situations is also important, but if you’re looking at helping others as a methodological way to de-stress and regain balance in your life, then joining a charity of your liking and choice is a great way to go about this. Spending an evening a week teaching a child to read, or giving your time and company to a lonely, old person can do wonders for your own well-being too!
Doing Nothing
Yes, sometimes actually doing nothing accounts for a lot, especially when your diary is packed with places to go and things to do, and your mind is always on auto-pilot. The act of doing nothing – or at least nothing that requires concentration or effort – can be very soothing. Of course I don’t mean you just sit on a sofa and stare into space for an hour! Read a book. Watch a movie. Go for a stroll. Sit in your garden. Let your mind be free of work-related thoughts.
Have A Positive Mindset
One of the best ways to reduce stress and anxiety is to stop over-thinking and worrying about things not in our control, and to have a positive mindset.
Personally, I believe having a positive mindset is the most important of the five.
There are all manners of disabilities that we learn to live with, some of which we might be born with or develop inherently. However, those that happen or are diagnosed suddenly can seem much more difficult to cope with. If you have been disabled due to an accident or injury, you need to learn how to adapt your life to it. Here are a few tips on how to do so.
Photo by Judita Tamou0161iu016bnaitu0117 on Pexels.com
Allow yourself to feel
Disability is never just physical. There are mental impacts of living with a disability that has to be accounted for, as well. It’s important that you allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, maybe even some mourning. However, it’s also important to process those emotions as healthy as possible, and talking with counselors who have experience in helping people with your needs can help you do just that. It’s a lot of cope with, but you don’t have to do it alone.
Adapting the home to your needs
A big part of making sure that you live safely, comfortably, and with peace of mind is by making sure that your home can meet your needs. You may be able to find ways to make it easier to get around, use the bathroom, access things in the kitchen, and even get in and out of the home. More importantly, you can get help on paying for it as well, with tips on how to pay for a wheelchair ramp, for example. There are plenty of resources on the internet that can help you find the specific alterations that can make an accessible home and help you find the financial help you may need in making them a reality.
Minimizing the impact of disability on daily life
There’s no denying that having a disability can affect how you do the things that you once took for granted, such as getting around, doing the shopping, and more. However, there are technological advancements that are making it increasingly easy to live a life that is not entirely blocked off by these challenges. Most important is your ability to find ways to be independent in socializing and in being able to get out and around as much by yourself as possible.
Don’t go it alone
We’re not just talking about the emotional and mental support that therapy and your loved ones can offer. When it comes to the practicalities of how to live well with your disability, then there are few people who are going to have the insights that you might need than those who have had to overcome the same kinds of issues. FInding online support groups for people with disabilities as well as more informal link-up parties and other gatherings, especially those that specific to the condition affecting you, can help you get all kinds of practical advice on top of the emotional support from those who understand what it’s like to be in your place, to some degree.
Hopefully, the tips above can help you live a little better with a new disability, whether it is your own or you’re helping someone in the family.
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