IDEAS.TED.COM

Apr 29, 2016 / Kate Torgovnick May

Emily Pidgeon

You don’t “find your calling,” you fight for it — and other lessons from people who found their passion (sometimes late in life).

Whether it was during a career aptitude test or in a heart-to-heart chat after getting laid off, chances are someone has talked to you about how to “find your calling.” It’s one of those phrases people toss about. But StoryCorps founder Dave Isay takes issue with it … specifically, the verb.

“Finding your calling — it’s not passive,” he says. “When people have found their calling, they’ve made tough decisions and sacrifices in order to do the work they were meant to do.”

In other words, you don’t just “find” your calling — you have to fight for it. And it’s worth the fight. “People who’ve found their calling have a fire about them,” says Isay, the winner of the 2015 TED Prize. “They’re the people who are dying to get up in the morning and go do their work.”

Over a decade of listening to StoryCorps interviews, Isay noticed that people often share the story of how they discovered their calling — and now, he’s collected dozens of great stories on the subject into a new book, Callings: The Purpose and Passion of Work. Below, he shares 7 takeaways from the hard-won fight to find the work you love.

1. Your calling is at the intersection of a Venn diagram of three things: doing something you’re good at, feeling appreciated, and believing your work is making people’s lives better. “When those three things line up, it’s like lightning,” Isay says. He doesn’t suggest that a person has to be a surgeon saving lives to feel like they have a calling; think of the diner waitress who talks to customers and makes them feel loved. How do you find this overlap? “You have to shut out all the chatter of what your friends are telling you to do, what your parents are telling you to do, what society is telling you to do,” Isay says, “and just go to that quiet place inside you that knows the truth.”

2. Your calling often comes out of difficult experiences. What lurks in that quiet place will be a defining experience — quite possibly a painful one. Isay points to an interview in Callings with 24-year-old teacher Ayodeji Ogunniyi. “He was studying to be a doctor when his father was murdered. He realized that what he was really meant to do was be a teacher,” says Isay. “He says that every time he walks into a classroom, his father is walking in with him.” This theme of people turning their hardest experiences into a new path runs throughout the book. “Having an experience that really shakes you and reminds you of your mortality can be a very clarifying event in people’s lives. Oftentimes, it leads to changes,” he says. “We spend a lot of time working, so it can really change your priorities in terms of work life.”

3. Calling often takes courage and ruffles feathers. Elsewhere in Callings, we hear about Wendell Scott, who became the first African-American NASCAR driver in 1952, and kept on driving despite threats against his life. From scientist Dorothy Warburton who dealt with extreme sexism as she conducted research to break the stigma around miscarriage. From Burnell Cotlon, who opened the first grocery store in the Lower 9th Ward after Hurricane Katrina because he wasn’t about to let his old neighborhood’s spirit fade. Calling, says Isay, very often starts with taking a stand against a status quo that simply isn’t acceptable, and then dedicating your work to changing it: “It’s work ignited by hope, love, or defiance — and stoked by purpose and persistence.”

4. Other people often nudge you toward calling. Sharon Long had worked odd jobs most of her life. As Isay tells it, “Her daughter was going to college, and as the bursar was helping them with financial aid forms, she said quietly to herself, ‘I wish I could’ve gone to college.’ The bursar responded, ‘It’s not too late.’” Sharon enrolled in an art program, and on her advisor’s suggestion, took forensic anthropology as her science. “The advisor suggested it for no other reason than he thought it was the easiest science course for the science requirement,” says Isay. “But the minute she sat in that class, it was boom — this is what she was meant to do.” Isay tells this story to illustrate how calling, while very personal, is also relational. “People bump you this way and that way,” he says, often without realizing it. “When people find their callings, they want to honor those people who helped them get there.”

5. What comes after identifying your calling is what really matters. The old ‘finding your calling’ phraseology makes it sound like a calling is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow — you find it, and the story’s over. But Isay stresses that your calling is an ongoing process. “Understanding what your calling is — that’s very different than the blood, sweat and tears of actually doing it,” he says. Pursuing a calling may require going back to school or apprenticing; it may require starting a business. Often, notes Isay, it leads a person into a line of work that’s in service of others. “This book is basically a love letter to nurses, teachers, social workers — the people who don’t often get celebrated for the work they do,” he says.

6. Age is irrelevant. Isay found his calling when he was 21 and interviewed a man who’d been part of the Stonewall riots. “The minute I hit record, I knew that being a journalist and interviewing people was what I was going to do for the rest of my life,” he says. “I feel very lucky that lightning struck when I was very young.” But collecting stories for the book reminded him that a calling can be discovered at any age. The book includes an interview with someone who knew they wanted to be an NBA referee at age 15, and another who worked as an accountant for 30 years before discovering his passion for slicing lox. “Doing the work you’re meant to do is one of the most satisfying, remarkable experiences that a person can have,” says Isay, “so never give up.”

7. Calling often doesn’t come with a big paycheck. Another trend Isay sees in stories of people who find their calling: they often involve leaving a high-paying job for one that’s lower-paying but more satisfying. “The message we send to young people is that you want to do as little work as you can to make as much money as you can — that’s the dream,” says Isay. “But the wisdom in the StoryCorps archive is that there’s another, much more rewarding dream of taking risks and working very hard to live with integrity.” In the end, that’s the lesson he took away from writing this book. “There are no millionaires, no billionaires, no celebrities, nobody with a big Twitter following,” he says. “Just stories can teach us a lot about lives fully lived.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kate Torgovnick May is a writer at TED.com. She can also solve a Rubik’s Cube in less than two minutes. Read more about her work at KateTorgovnickMay.com.

IDEAS.TED.COM

Aug 30, 2019 / Esther Wojcicki

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If kids don’t feel trusted — or if there isn’t anyone close to them whom they can rely on — they can really suffer. Esther Wojcicki, an educator and mother of three superstar daughters, explains why trust is essential and how to build it in the young people in our lives.

Esther Wojcicki has inspired thousands of kids through her 35-year-and-counting career as a journalism and English teacher at Palo Alto High School in California. She and her husband, Stanley, have also raised three exceptionally accomplished daughters: Susan (YouTube CEO), Janet, a Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher), and Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andMe). So she knows quite a bit about helping young people grow into great grown-ups. Here, she writes about the critical importance of trust and how to cultivate it in children, starting at a very early age. 

All you need is one person, just one person who trusts and believes in you, and then you feel you can do anything. Unfortunately, a lot of children — like Michael, a former student of mine — don’t have even one person. Michael was an editor-in-chief of the Campanile, Palo Alto High School’s newspaper, in 2013, and his struggles represent those of many other young people.

For Michael, the pressures started early. “I had very strict parents,” he says. “They would tell me if I didn’t do well in school, I’d be homeless.” His early teachers weren’t very supportive either, and people misinterpreting his behavior and motivations became a common theme in his life. “I would get admonished,” he says, “by peers and educators telling me if I followed the rules and paid attention, of course I’d do better. It was almost part of my core being, to be this thing that was trodden on; everything I did turned into some kind of moral shortcoming.”

By the time he made it to my class, Michael described himself as “completely burned out like a pile of ash.” The school newspaper was the only thing he derived any meaning from, and still he could barely muster the will to show up. But he did. I got to know him as a bright but disconnected kid. He’d come into class and have no idea what he wanted to do or write about.

I’ve seen so many students like this — they’re afraid but they’re also rebellious. They’re not cooperative. They’re difficult, even aggressive, and it’s because every single one of them feels bad about themselves. They’re constantly trying to prove to themselves — and to others — that they’re better than everyone thinks, but they’re constantly scared they’ll fall short.

During one of our production nights, Michael was struggling with music theory homework. “I was exhausted, trying to figure out this assignment,” he says, “and I was half-assing it.” Other students teased him for struggling, and he thought to himself, as he often did, “That’s right, I can’t do it.” I saw what was happening, walked up to the kids, and said, “He’s taking longer because he’s smart.” I knew deep down that Michael wanted to get it right, not just rush through it.

This was the first time that Michael had heard an adult say his abilities and intelligence were seen and respected. “To hear outside confirmation that someone believed in me,” he says, “even in the presence of other students who didn’t — it was awesome. It helped me not to crumble.”

That day was a turning point for him. He started to trust himself and called on this newfound confidence during his undergraduate years whenever he encountered obstacles or someone told him he’d never make it. He went on to earn a degree in neuroscience at Johns Hopkins, where he’s now a neuropsychiatric researcher. He’d found his one person to believe in him by accident, and it made all the difference.

Parents and teachers can sometimes forget how important we are in the lives of our children. We have so much control we have in shaping their confidence and self-image. And it all starts with trust, with believing a child is capable, even through setbacks, surprises and all the complications that come with growing up.

Trust empowers kids, whether it’s in the classroom or in the world at large, and the process of developing trust starts earlier than you think. Infants who are securely attached to their parents — who feel they can trust and depend on them — avoid many behavioral, social, and psychological problems that can arise later. A child’s fundamental sense of security in the world is based on their caregiver being someone they can rely upon.

Remember, trust is mutual. The degree to which your children can trust you will become reflected in their own ability to trust. Studies show that children rated as less trustworthy by their teachers exhibit higher levels of aggression and lower levels of “prosocial behavior” such as collaborating and sharing. Distrust in children has also been associated with their social withdrawal and loneliness.

If we don’t feel trusted when we’re kids — or if there isn’t anyone close to us we can trust — we have difficulty getting over it. We grow up thinking we’re not trustworthy, and we accept it as a character trait. Like Michael, we become what we think we are, and we can suffer for it.

So how do we go about building trust in our children? We typically think of trust as handing our teenager the car keys and permitting them to drive on their own, or letting our 12-year-old stay home alone for the first time. But trust needs to start soon after kids are born.

Babies observe our every move as they learn how to get what they need from us. They know how to make us smile. They know how to make us cry. They may be dependent on us for everything, but they’re a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. You need to respond to their needs, especially early on so they can feel you and their environment are trustworthy, but it’s also a fantastic time to start teaching your child some important lessons.

Many parents are operating from their own insecurities or doubts: Doesn’t their child need them? And if they don’t, what kind of parents are they? I firmly believe that you want your child to want to be with you, not to need to be with you.

This tension first arises with sleep. Your children can and will sleep on their own if you believe they can do it and if you teach them how. Kids learn to self-soothe, when given the opportunity, by sucking their thumbs, using pacifiers, or playing with toys. My daughters always had stuffed animals, and sometimes I’d wake up and find Susan talking to her teddy bear. Janet used to sing in bed. Because we’d built a relationship of trust, they learned they could entertain themselves and meet a lot of their own needs which meant that my husband and I got to sleep. A win-win.

As kids grow, they can be given more and more opportunities to build their own trustworthiness. The choices you make with your child will dictate the culture of your family. You always want to ask yourself whether you’re actively building trust in them or whether you’re shutting your child down. For young children, little achievements can build their trust and belief in themselves. They tie their own shoes, and it works! They put on their own clothes, and it works! They walk to school, and that works too! Through these small victories, they can see the tangible results of their efforts.

While you can’t always trust a small child to make intelligent choices, you can guide him in considering options and picking the best one. If I gave my nine-year-old grandson a lollipop and told him not to eat it, I know he still would. But if I explained why he shouldn’t eat it, that sugar isn’t healthy and might even give him cavities and that eating it before dinner will spoil his appetite, he could start to learn how to make better choices. OK, he might go ahead and eat the lollipop anyway, but as we work on these kinds of decisions over time, he would build the skills for living a healthy life and take care of himself.

Each age brings its own instances of trust. When my daughters were around 5, I’d ask them whether they were hungry and then I’d believe their answer. I did bring snacks with me in case they misjudged their hunger. If we were on a long car ride and they didn’t want to eat when we stopped for a meal, I’d explain we wouldn’t stop at another restaurant for several hours and I’d let them determine what to do. I trusted them with their eating decisions.

With teenagers, parents can cultivate trust in a series of steps. For instance, here is how I’d build trust with shopping, one of my favorite educational activities.

Step 1: The parent does everything, selecting and buying all items needed by a child.
Step 2: You trust your child to go with you to the store, and you allow them to make most of the purchasing decisions (giving kids a specific budget is a wonderful way to teach financial responsibility).
Step 3: You let your child gather the needed items on their own; the two of you meet at the registers at a set time and make the final purchases together.
Step 4: Once you’ve built a foundation of trust and taught your child how to be responsible with money, you can give them your credit card and let them shop on their own (many major credit cards allow you to add a minor as an authorized user). Of course, you’ll check the charges and teach them to verify the credit card statement with you at the end of the month.

Another way to gauge your teenager’s trustworthiness is by testing whether they make good on their word. They said they’d be home by 8 PM — were they? If they were late, did they call or text to tell you in advance? After they prove themselves trustworthy, increase their freedoms and responsibilities.

And if they still need to learn to come home on time, have a conversation about what went wrong and troubleshoot together for the next time. Some kids just have a hard time being on time, but don’t give up — give them more opportunities to learn. After all, time management is a skill that many adults lack, too.

If children aren’t empowered with trust and if they don’t feel trustworthy, they’ll have a very difficult time becoming independent. They won’t learn to trust and respect themselves. When we are fearful and hover over our children, they become afraid.

Excerpted from the new book How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki. Copyright © 2019 Esther Wojcicki. Used with permission from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Watch her TEDxBerkeley 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist and mother of Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andme), Susan (YouTube CEO), and Janet (Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher). A leader in blended learning and the integration of technology into education, she is the founder of the Media Arts programs at Palo Alto High School. Wojcicki serves as vice chair of Creative Commons and was instrumental in the launch of the Google Teachers Academy. She blogs regularly for Huffington Post and is coauthor of the book Moonshots in Education.

Many people can fall into a slump during the colder winter months when there is less sunlight and motivation is low, but there are some easy ways to lift your spirits.

A good way to raise yourself from a slump is to create a vision board. A vision board is a collection of images and keywords that you design and assemble on a large piece of paper, for example, which visualises your hopes and dreams for the future. Vision boards are motivational, particularly when you lose sight of what you are working for. They are equally beneficial for when life becomes a little monotonous.

Some ideas to include in a vision board are career aspirations, travel plans, and personal growth targets.

Making a vision board can calm your mind, as it taps into your creativity and helps you focus on your current action. Plus, seeing your finished work day after day is sure to encourage inspiration.

It’s important to reach out to friends, relatives, or companions when you are feeling low. Even if you are feeling cheerful, getting in contact with someone you have not spoken to in a while might raise their spirits without you even realizing it.

As we get older, we tend to get stuck in our daily routines and forget that life is about connections and relationships. Older adults can especially yearn for a chat, or for a helping hand, which is why Seniors Helping Seniors is an invaluable service.

‘Going for a run’ is easier said than done for a lot of us. Especially in the cold, wet weather, running can be a real drag. However, there are plenty of alternative sports and fitness activities that will make you forget you’re even exercising – you’ll be having that much fun.

For one, dancing is a great way to release energy and work up a sweat with a smile on your face. You don’t need a studio to let your hair down, dancing in your room is encouraged. Whack on your favorite tunes and spend 20 minutes to an hour moving about to the music.

If mobility is an issue for you, swimming is an excellent way to stay fit and prevent any muscle or joint discomfort.

Walking and power-walking is also another way to get your daily exercise without it seeming too strenuous. For those busy days, this activity can tie in with work or socializing, as you could schedule a walking meeting or catch-up. Or, if you need a break from everything, going for a solo walk is a sure way to clear your head. You could even find a scenic route and make a trip out of it, rather than just walking around the block.

A simple way to distract yourself from the winter blues is to have a giggle. So, get comfy and pick a comedy film or stand-up show you know you will like, and even if you can’t muster a belly laugh, just feeling yourself smile can brighten your mood.

There are also plenty of apps and old-school games that will have you rolling on the floor laughing with friends or family. For smartphone users, try Heads Up!, it’s like a digital version of charades that can be played anywhere. Or if you’re at home, a card game like Snap or Uno is sure to cheer you up.

Going to bed early is never more important than in the winter. Our wellbeing depends on us getting a decent amount of sleep. For some people that means 8 hours of shuteye, for others, it’s more. 

Find out what works for you, and go to bed at a time that allows for a full 8+ hours sleep until daybreak, so the sunrise works as a natural alarm clock. Seeing a full days-worth of sunlight can improve your mood dramatically. This is because catching the sun’s rays each day is associated with an increased level of serotonin in the body, a hormone that stabilizes our feelings of wellbeing. 

If you have considerable worries, or stress is getting on top of you. It’s a good idea to let out your thoughts and emotions either via pen or verbally with a counselor or therapist. Writing or talking about it can help you release negative feelings and therefore improve your wellbeing.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Quite a few people need to take a step back from working full-time. There are multiple reasons why this could be the case. Anxiety and other conditions could make having a formal job relatively difficult. You’ll still want to be productive and work, however.

That could feel like a catch-22 situation. It doesn’t have to be. Working from home can be an effective alternative option. Not only can you still be productive, but you can take things at a pace that suits you. Many of these will be freelance, so you can work as and when you want.

That could make freelancing an attractive option for many people. You’ll need to think about what kind of freelance jobs you can do. Thankfully, some are relatively easy to start. Once you gain more confidence with it, you can do more. You can even cut down on hours if you wanted.

Some come much better recommended than others.

Freelance Jobs That Shouldn’t Be Too Mentally Taxing

Writer/Editor

Writing has been one of the most popular freelancing jobs globally in the past few years. That’s driven by the wealth of different writing jobs you can get. While many people choose to blog, copywriting and online journalism have also been relatively common.

You’ll have to master a few skills for this. Thankfully, however, there are countless online resources available for you to do so. Some of the more notable of these revolve around search engine optimization, converting readers, and more.

With these roles, you’ll typically be hired by clients to work on specific content. These can range from email content to sales and marketing pages. Though compensation mightn’t be great at the start, you should see your income shoot up as you prove your worth.

Becoming a freelance editor is also an option, although you’ll typically need several years of experience before you can achieve this. With the position, you’ll work with writers to refine their content, among other duties.

Virtual Receptionist

You might assume that a receptionist will have to be based in an office. That doesn’t have to be the case. Companies like Virtual Headquarters have become known for providing many receptionist services to businesses. That’s made possible by various tools and software, which you could take advantage of.

A virtual receptionist is exactly what you think it is. They’re usually responsible for answering customer calls, scheduling appointments, and much more. Almost all of the duties you’d expect a typical receptionist to do, although it’s done from home. While there are some tasks that can’t be done this way, the majority of them can.

If you’re a people person, but would rather have little physical contact or avoid somewhat crowded places, then this could be the right role for you. 

eLearning Professional

Online learning has become quite popular in the past decade or so. That’s primarily driven by younger audiences who are more comfortable with technology than previous generations. The courses that people learn from need to be created by somebody. That could be you.

If you’re experienced or knowledgeable about a specific topic, then you could create an online course about it. To properly capitalize on this, however, you’ll need to have built up some kind of reputation surrounding a given topic. While that could complicate matters, it should be one of your only obstacles.

If you don’t want to create an online course, you could try coaching. That could revolve around wellness, finances, spirituality, or something else. Though you’ll still have to build a reputation for yourself, it could be a popular freelance job.

Web Developer

Web development has boomed over the past few decades, and it shows no sign of slowing down. Coders and programmers, alongside designers, have been some of the more popular freelancing jobs in this sector. If you’re good with technology and have an eye for detail, then this could be up your alley.

Small businesses and entrepreneurs will need websites just as much as international brands. These smaller companies can often be easier to work with, as they’ll typically only need short, one-off jobs. That could make them much more stress-free than working with larger firms.

When you’re first starting, that could be a recommended approach.

Dropshipping

If you’ve already considered freelancing jobs, then you might have thought about selling products online. The thought of finding a supplier and manufacturer for your products, alongside figuring out the rest of the supply chain, could be too overwhelming. There’s a way around this, however.

Dropshipping is the act of selling products on behalf of other companies. As an online retailer, you can set up a website filled with products from different manufacturers. When someone places a purchase through your website, the manufacturer or supplier fulfills the order.

You then get a portion of the sale. There is a lot of competition here, however, and profits can be relatively low. If you’ve proven yourself good enough, you could make a sizable income.

Affiliate Marketing

Similar to dropshipping, affiliate marketing is a great way to sell products online without worrying about logistics. You’ll need to have a well-trafficked website or popular social media channels to properly take advantage of this, however.

Affiliate marketing involves inserting ads into your content or otherwise advertising another company’s product. If someone purchases the product through your link, you’ll get a percentage of the sale.

To make a decent income with this, you’ll need to know how to properly advertise your content. If you don’t have a decent following online, then this mightn’t be the option for you.

Wrapping Up

Full-time employment, especially in an office environment, can be difficult for many people. That can make freelancing jobs much more attractive. Since you can set your hours and work from home, there’s a lot less stress involved. If you’re tempted, they will take some effort to get off the ground.

Once you’ve done that, however, you shouldn’t have too much of an issue managing your workload. That balance can make your life much less stressful while letting you work on your mental health.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

The world of entrepreneurship can be stressful. This is because so many responsibilities come with starting and running your own business. This is why it’s essential to take care of yourself, so you don’t burn out or get sick! In this post, we’ll talk about four ways entrepreneurs can reduce stress while working.

Get Enough Sleep Everyday

You can’t be productive if you’re exhausted, so make sure you get enough sleep every night. If you have trouble falling asleep at night or staying asleep through the night, there are many ways to help with that too! For example, try making your room darker by covering any lights and using an eye mask. Also, avoiding caffeine before bed will give your body a chance to calm down for sleep time. Try meditation as well – it’s excellent for reducing stress levels and helping with insomnia. So remember: getting proper rest will lower your stress levels throughout the day because of increased energy during waking hours!

Ensure Your Family is Taken Care Of 

When you’re an entrepreneur, it’s easy to put your family on the back burner. But remember: they are the ones who support and motivate you! So if possible, make sure that there is always someone home with your kids in case of emergency – or even better yet, hire a babysitter so you can be able to work when needed! It will reduce any stress caused by worrying about them constantly while working. Also, try not to bring work home with you because everyone suffers from lower moods due to tension. Also, ensure your family is taken care of if something happens to you; for appropriate life insurance, look at these PHP Agency reviews. This will not only give you peace of mind, but it will also guarantee your family will be taken care of for the foreseeable future. 

Hire An Assistant

It might seem unnecessary to hire an assistant, but if you’re struggling with managing your time or can’t seem to find enough hours in the day, it is something worth considering. An assistant will take care of all those little tasks that are eating up your valuable time! For example- they could help schedule meetings and travel arrangements; answer emails while you’re away from the office; organize files and paperwork; even research new possible collaborations for future projects – there’s a lot that someone like this can do to make your life easier! So remember: hiring an assistant might be precisely what you need to reduce stress around work.

Set Some Time Apart for Yourself 

Sometimes you might feel like your schedule is so complete that there’s no time for yourself. However, to do a good job and be productive throughout the day, it is imperative to set some time aside for yourself! For example: go sign up at the gym after work; take an evening walk with your spouse or partner; try cooking dinner together on Saturday- there are many ways you can get creative when deciding how to spend this time! So remember- even though entrepreneurship can be stressful sometimes – finding fun things to do outside of work will help reduce stress levels overall because of happier moods during waking hours.

In conclusion, entrepreneurship can be highly stressful at times. However, there are many ways you can reduce stress while working – such as getting enough sleep every night, ensuring your family is taken care of, and hiring an assistant to help with tasks around the office.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I have written several posts about my experiences with suicide. 

My father’s roommate committed suicide with my dad’s gun one evening with my dad and police standing at the locked bedroom door. What is left behind after someone commits suicide you don’t personally know is a very strange experience. 

Earlier in the day, he returned all the items he had borrowed from my dad and mowed the yard. He was taking care of business and finishing his final plan. 

We don’t know when he took my dad’s gun, he didn’t realize it was gone until after the shooting. This is a good reason to keep your guns locked. 

My granny was going over to clean up the room so my dad didn’t have to so I went to help her. 

His room had a bloody mattress, carpet, and wall. 

It was surreal to drag a bloody mattress out to the curb for the neighborhood to see. 

There were no photos in the room, nothing on the walls, no decorations. 

After we cleaned the floor and wall, we gathered his belongings to give to his parents. 

All that was in one drawer was 16 cents. I asked myself if this is what it comes down to. 

There were four black bags of clothes, that’s all. 

Nothing else for his family to remember him by, it was a very heartbreaking day. 

What’s left behind after suicide?

Melinda

Exciting News from Lin Health! Rethinking Pain Podcast: Where Science & Healing Meet hosted by Shannon Doughtery.

Listen Here

We’ve got a podcast! We are excited to share our first episode of the Rethinking Pain Podcast: Where Science & Healing Meet!   This show is brought to you by Lin Health and is hosted by Shannon Dougherty, a former chronic pain patient. Join us while Shannon explores stories of recovery and hope and shares the latest in pain science research as she interviews experts and patients alike. Tune in to hear Shannon and Charlie Merrill (MSPT) talk about pain management and neurology (and subscribe to our channel so you don’t miss an episode!). Listen on Apple Podcast Watch on YouTube  Warmly, Abigail Hirsch, Ph.D  Co-founder, Lin Health  Dr.Abigail@lin.health   I can’t wait to listen to what Shannon and Charlie have to say about pain management. Melinda

Stress can be a huge factor in our lives that drags us down and makes everything ten times more difficult. Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about stress outside of just running away from it unless you deal with the root cause.

When it comes to working at home, there are countless things that can cause stress which affects our productivity and makes it hard for us to focus on our tasks. This can result in extremely unproductive days that we look back on and feel extremely bad about. So in this post, we’re going to talk about how you can keep your stress levels low when you work from home.

One of the first things to deal with is distractions. Make absolutely sure that you keep distractions at bay by understanding where they come from and why they happen. For instance, if you find that your dog is restless whenever you start working, consider taking them out for a walk and feeding them before you get started so they spend their energy and laze around. Similarly, if you find that you keep getting distracted by the TV, turn it off! If you can’t focus on something in the background, get rid of it (if possible!) and work in silence if you have to.

A lot of people forget that taking breaks is important when it comes to working from home. They don’t realize that taking a break helps to reset your mind and gives you an opportunity to catch up with other tasks. This could include returning phone calls, it could involve feeding your cat, or it could just be to stretch and walk around to give your legs a break. If you’re not already taking breaks, make sure you start doing it regularly!

It’s also a good idea to start working in a comfortable environment. Make sure that your chair is comfortable and that your posture is supported. You should consider looking at companies such as obVus Solutions to find ergonomic devices and accessories that will help you work from home without causing pain and stress on your body. A lot of us find it hard to adapt to a work-at-home environment because it’s different from our offices that are designed around healthy ergonomics, hence why many of us feel stressed when we’re stuck at home.

It’s also a good idea to separate leisure and work if you have to work from home. Sure, a lot of people answer phone calls, chat with friends, and even listen to music when they work from home. However, these things can lead to distractions and they might bleed into your regular work schedule, making you less productive. As such, you should try to separate your work and leisure as much as possible before your work tasks end up merging with your free time at home.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

We, humans, are complicated creatures capable of expressing thousands of emotions. This site shows you that anxiety and stress are common across the natural world, and animals have many ways of showing it. Unfortunately for us, humans can also be very good at hiding those emotions too, so it isn’t always possible to tell how a loved one or friend is feeling. Here are a few common signs that may suggest your friend is feeling more anxious or stressed than normal. 

Irritable 

If you have noticed that small things seem to be bothering your friend more than usual, this could be a symptom of stress or anxiety. The Calm Clinic suggests that irritability is a common sign of anxiety and can cause people to unexpectedly get upset or even lash out. If your friend has displayed these symptoms, do not be afraid to quietly and sympathetically tell them you have noticed a difference in their behavior and ask if there is anything you can do to help. They may not have noticed the change yet themselves, so give them time and space if they need it to think about their behavior and any reasons that might be causing them to feel more irritable. 

Not Sleeping

If your colleague at work is constantly reaching for the coffee, making silly mistakes, and looking exhausted, they may not be getting enough sleep. Anxiety and stress can throw off sleep patterns very quickly. According to Medical News Today, the link between stress and sleep deprivation is very common, with only 35% of Americans getting the correct amount of sleep. A lack of sleep can cause mental health problems to worsen and deepen, so sleep deprivation must be tackled. Again, this is a case of having a quiet word and asking if there is anything that keeps them up at night. If there is a worry often sharing it confidentially can help a friend to put things into perspective. Assure your friend that any discussions can be confidential, and you would only ever break confidentiality if you were worried they may harm themselves or others.

Diet Changes

Our diet can fluctuate wildly due to stress and anxiety. Some people may overeat or reach for junk food over healthier options. Others swing the other way and may cut out food altogether. Of course, dietary changes are not always linked to mental health. Only raise the question with a friend if you feel the pattern has been sustained over a substantial period, and if you suspect stress or anxiety may be the trigger for the dietary shift. You can help someone by offering to cook meals or to share lunches with them. Even a few meals in a freezer that they can reach for when they don’t have the energy to cook can make a huge difference to someone’s overall well-being. 

If your friend does let you know that they are feeling more anxious or stressed than usual, then reassure your friend that there are easy steps you can both take together which will help. Look online for expert advice and positive stories from those who have been in similar situations. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

 

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I’ve written several posts about my experiences with suicide including my own attempt at 12 years old. 

I had been contemplating suicide since I was nine years old but today was different. It was the summer I moved to live with my father, I was 12 years old and home alone.

I raided my dad’s medicine cabinet and took all the pills I could find then grabbed a bottle of Southern Comfort and started drinking.

As I got drunk and the pills started to work so I decided to go next door and talk with my neighbor. Not to share my plan but I was higher than a kite.

We continued talking and she noticed I appeared more than drunk and noticed a red line going up my arm. She asked if I had taken anything and I said yes, I planned to die.

She called my father who was 30 minutes away, by the time he got there I was in pretty bad shape. I was rushed to the hospital and my stomach was pumped.

A failed attempt.

It is important to understand that anyone can reach a point so low they consider suicide at any age. The best thing you can do is look for signs someone may be depressed and getting too low or suicidal.

Here are a few of my own thoughts:

Withdrawn

Lashing Out

Failing Grades when a good student

Talks about dying

Starts giving away their personal belongings

Cashes out their back accounts

Jumps right on a task that has been overdue with enthusiasm

These are from my personal experience with suicide including my father’s.

If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact one of the resources below, a local resource, or go to your local hospital.

National SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Press 1, Veterans Crisis Line USA
Press 2, Se Habla Español

CrisisTextLine.org
Text 741-741

Facebook.com/CrisisTextLine

IMAlive.org Crisis Chat

TheTrevorProject.org (LGBTQ Youth)
1-866-488-7386 (24/7/365)

TrevorChat (7 days/week from 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)
TrevorText — text START to 678-678 (Mon–Fri, 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)

VeteransCrisisLine.net

Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255

Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 press 1

I’ll be writing more throughout the month about my personal experiences including that of my father’s suicide.

I’m here for any questions or feedback.

Melinda