The most common reason for hair loss is genetics. If you have a history of hair loss in your family, it is more likely that you will lose your hair.
This is known as pattern baldness, both male and female. It will often start slowly and in patterns, such as thinning hair and bald spots at the crown or a receding hairline. Most of the time, people who have a family history of baldness will expect hair loss, but this doesn’t make the initial occurrences much easier to confront.
Stress
Just like stress can cause your hair to turn gray, it can also contribute to hair loss. Too much stress leads to your hair thinning out, and you will usually find it most frequently when washing your hair in the bath or shower.
Such stress can come from a traumatic event, and the hair loss symptoms will usually last for at least a few months after. However, the good news is that this is usually temporary.
Treatments, Shampoos, Products
Some hair treatments, such as certain hairstyles or products you use in your hair can also contribute to hair loss. The more strain your hair is put under, the less healthy it becomes, and this can cause the hair follicles to fail, causing your hair to fall out.
Chemicals can also impact the thickness of your hair, but like stress, this can be temporary is you catch it early enough. If you experience hair loss after changing shampoos or testing new products, go back to your previous products to see if there is a difference or consider searching for PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) treatment to help slow and stop hair loss.
Medical Conditions
Hair loss can also happen as a reaction to certain illnesses and medications, such as cancer, arthritis, and depression. Often, this is a side effect of medication you take for the illness, although the stress of the sickness can also be a factor.
There are also medical conditions like alopecia related to your immune system and leads to hair falling out in patches, ringworm, a scalp infection, or even chronic hair pulling, a disorder also known as trichotillomania.
Is Your Hair Tied To Your Identity
For anyone who considers their hair part of their identity, suddenly losing hair can make you feel entirely unlike yourself. It can cause stress, lack of confidence, and affect your mental wellbeing. However, if you can understand why you are losing your hair, you can come to terms with it more comfortably and even consider ways to prevent or halt losing more hair.
A week ago a major winter storm hit a large part of Texas causing several of our pipes to freeze and it left us without water. The plumbers are wrapping up the repairs and I’m ready to jump for joy! I will not miss having to put water in the toilet every time I need to flush and can’t wait to take a hot shower!
This is me!
My prayers are with the many who are still struggling to get water, repairs, and some even housing. Please donate to give water to local charities if you can.
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
Here we are, over a month into 2021 and I’m feeling cautiously optimistic.
I’m hoping that we’ll soon be able to enjoy some of the simple, daily routines we took for granted before the pandemic. But — and I hate to break it to you — there’s one 2020 routine that appears to be sticking around for the long haul: Virtual presentations.
I’m the Director of Speaker Coaching at TED, and before I joined TED, I was an executive communication coach and speechwriter. I’m telling you this because for me, this shift to virtual presentations is a hilarious career irony. I’ve spent so many years hating on webinars and begging the speakers and executives I’ve coached to avoid video communications whenever possible.
But virtual meetings, speeches, presentations and conferences are, in fact, the new normal. So if that’s the way it’s going to be, let’s do our future audiences a favor and polish up our virtual communication skills.
Even though so many of us have been spending so much time on Zoom in recent months, I’ve noticed there are some common mistakes that people — even experienced communicators — are still making. Here they are, along with my favorite tips and tricks to fix them all.
Mistake #1: Not enough eye contact with the audience
The fix: Look at your camera, not your screen
We’ve all heard that eye contact is important. But do you know why? Direct eye contact can influence your audience’s perception of your credibility, trustworthiness, even your ability to lead. But most importantly, your audience will try harder to stay focused if you appear expressive and look them in the eye. In the great battle for attention between you and your audience’s Insta feed, eye contact is one weapon that could tip the scales in your favor.
The only way to make eye contact with your virtual audience is to look directly at the lens of your camera. Trust me: This will feel really strange at first, because we’re used to looking at our screens during video calls so we can see what everyone else is doing (and see how we look). But if you want your audience to remain engaged and attentive, you’ll need to sacrifice your own desire to look at their faces.
My general rule is to keep your eyes on the lens 90 percent of the time and use the remaining 10 percent to look around and make sure your audience is smiling and following what you’re saying. To understand the difference — which is subtle but significant — check out these two photos:
Looking at my lensLooking at my screen
Mistake #2: Vocal monotony
The fix: Make sure there’s variety in your voice
When we talk to our friends and family, there’s a lot of natural variety in the speed, volume, pitch and inflection in our voices. That variety is really important, because it adds context and meaning to our words — and it adds interest and drama.
But when we’re nervous or reading from our notes, we can often lose that variety. This can be a big problem in a virtual setting where the other non-verbal cues that add context, such as hand gestures and facial expressions, are harder to see.
One way to inject vocal variety into your virtual presentation — or any presentation, for that matter — is to use words and phrases that feel comfortable to you. Practicing beforehand also helps ensure your voice maintains its natural spontaneity, and even just one out-loud rehearsal can make you feel less nervous and less dependent on your notes.
Mistake #3: Winging it or reading from your notes
The fix: Rehearse in advance
Speaking of practice … yes, you still have to practice even though you’re presenting over Zoom. As a communicator, your number-one priority should be your audience’s experience — regardless of the setting. And you can’t focus on their experience if you’re too busy thinking about what to say next or fumbling with your script.
Think about it this way: Your audience is taking time out of their busy days to listen to you. So the very least you can do to honor their time is to practice a little in advance. Just because you could turn your laptop or your phone into a teleprompter doesn’t mean you should.
Mistake #4: Going overboard on slides
The fix: Use your slides effectively
As we all know, it’s so easy to get distracted when watching a virtual presentation. So when you’re speaking virtually, you want to do everything in your power to keep your audience’s eyes on you and off of their phones. One way to do this is to make sure you’re using slides effectively.
Remember, you’re the main event: Only use slides if they will actually help your audience better understand what you’re presenting. While this is true when you’re speaking in person, I’d argue it’s even more important over video. If your entire presentation is slides — and the audience can’t see your face — they’ll feel less accountable and off to Instagram they’ll go!
Simplify, simplify, simplify: If your audience is forced to make a choice between reading a dense slide or listening to you speak, they’ll go for reading almost every time. In order to maintain control of your presentation, you should limit the amount of information you put on each of your slides. Yes, you’ll have more slides, but they’ll be easy to digest, so that’s OK.
Practice the technical aspects too: Before your virtual speech or presentation, rehearse toggling in and out of “share screen” mode so your slides won’t be projected throughout your entire presentation. Because eye contact helps your audience stay focused, you want your face front and center as much as possible.
Use black slides: Sometimes you’ll have several slides that you want to share in a short amount of time, which means toggling back to full video isn’t an option. However, keeping an old slide up could be distracting. In these cases, here’s a pro-tip: Add blank, black slides in between your content slides so you can essentially click to black and get the audience to refocus on your voice. I prefer black slides to white slides, because black makes it look like you’ve intentionally turned off the slide-sharing feature.
Mistake #5: Inviting your audience to look at all the titles on your bookshelf
The fix: Choose a non-distracting background
I’ll be the first to admit how much I’ve enjoyed peeking into so many different people’s homes as a result of virtual meetings. But I’ll be honest, I do have concerns about how many people sit in front of their bookshelves so it ends up being their background.
If your goal is to keep our audience engaged and focused, you want to make sure your background isn’t accidentally distracting. At the same time, sitting in front of a plain white wall looks a little bleak. If possible, select a background that’s familiar but not too busy. If sitting in front of a bookshelf is your only option, consider sitting a little further away so you’ll still have a colorful background but your audience won’t be able to read the titles while you’re speaking.
Mistake #6: Lighting that’s too bright or too dark
The fix: Sit in the right spot in your room
A little lighting can go a long way towards making you look polished and prepared when speaking to a virtual audience. While there are many great lighting products and devices you can buy, you don’t have to spend money to light yourself well.
The key is to make sure your primary source of light is directly behind your camera, throwing light on your face. So you might choose to position yourself in front of a window or a lamp or both. Here are a few photos of the lighting setup that I use when I teach TEDTrainings from my living room.
I face the window and the lamp, and then I use the fireplace as my background
Mistake #7: Letting everyone turn off their video
The fix: Encouraging your audience to stay on camera
There are a handful of communication truths that I’ve been preaching my entire career, and one of them is that I believe it’s always the speaker’s responsibility to keep the audience engaged. If the audience’s attention starts to wane, it’s on the speaker to adjust.
But virtual speaking adds a little wrinkle to my belief — as a virtual communicator, it’s often impossible to know if your audience is paying attention when you can’t see them! So, in Zoom land, it’s 100 percent OK for you to ask your audience to turn on their cameras. And if you want to be very polite, send a note asking for on-camera attendance in advance. That way, your audience can plan!
Speaking of being polite, we can also choose to show up on camera when we’re in the audience. You would never show up to an in-person meeting with a paper bag on your head, but it seems that in our new virtual normal, many of us feel pretty comfortable showing up incognito. So why don’t we make a little pact right now? Since virtual communications are here to stay, let’s all agree to be on camera as often as possible when we’re a member of a virtual audience. That way, when it’s our turn to present, we’ll be able to see everyone’s messy homes and pandemic hair without having to ask.
Here’s to hoping that sooner rather than later, we’ll all find ourselves fending off stomach butterflies backstage before we speak in front of real, live, in-person audiences. But until then, I’m wishing you the best of luck in all of your virtual speeches, presentations, meetings and cocktail hours.
Watch this TED-Ed Lesson on effective rhetoric:
Watch this TED Talk from Julian Treasure:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Briar Goldberg is the Director of Speaker Coaching at TED.
Psychologist Guy Winch shares some practical tips for soothing the sting of rejection.
Rejections are the most common emotional wound we sustain in daily life. Our risk of rejection used to be limited by the size of our immediate social circle or dating pools. Today, thanks to electronic communications, social media platforms and dating apps, each of us is connected to thousands of people, any of whom might ignore our posts, chats, texts, or dating profiles and leave us feeling rejected as a result.
In addition to these kinds of minor rejections, we are still vulnerable to serious and more devastating rejections as well. When our spouse leaves us, when we get fired from our jobs, snubbed by our friends, or ostracized by our families and communities for our lifestyle choices, the pain we feel can be absolutely paralyzing.
Whether the rejection we experience is large or small, one thing remains constant — it always hurts, and it usually hurts more than we expect it to.
The question is, why? Why are we so bothered by a good friend failing to “like” the family holiday picture we posted on Facebook? Why does it ruin our mood? Why would something so seemingly insignificant make us feel angry at our friend, moody, and bad about ourselves?
The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further.
The answer is — our brains are wired to respond that way. When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines and asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.
But why is our brain wired this way?
Evolutionary psychologists believe it all started when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. Since we could not survive alone, being ostracized from our tribe was basically a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being “kicked off the island” by our tribemates — and that was rejection. People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the tribe, and pass along their genes.
Of course, emotional pain is only one of the ways rejections impact our well-being. Rejections also damage our mood and our self-esteem, they elicit swells of anger and aggression, and they destabilize our need to “belong.”
Unfortunately, the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Indeed, our natural response to being dumped by a dating partner or getting picked last for a team is not just to lick our wounds but to become intensely self-critical. We call ourselves names, lament our shortcomings, and feel disgusted with ourselves. In other words, just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. Doing so is emotionally unhealthy and psychologically self-destructive yet every single one of us has done it at one time or another.
The good news is there are better and healthier ways to respond to rejection, things we can do to curb the unhealthy responses, soothe our emotional pain and rebuild our self-esteem. Here are just some of them:
Have zero tolerance for self-criticism
Tempting as it might be to list all your faults in the aftermath of a rejection, and natural as it might seem to chastise yourself for what you did “wrong” — don’t! By all means, review what happened and consider what you should do differently in the future but there is absolutely no good reason to be punitive and self-critical while doing so. Thinking “I should probably avoid talking about my ex on my next first date” is fine. Thinking “I’m such a loser!” is not.
Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance. Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.
Revive your self-worth
When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings). The best way to boost feelings of self-worth after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable.
Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic).
Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation. Applying emotional first aid in this way will boost your self-esteem, reduce your emotional pain and build your confidence going forward.
Boost feelings of connection
As social animals, we need to feel wanted and valued by the various social groups with which we are affiliated. Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled and socially untethered.
Therefore, we need to remind ourselves that we’re appreciated and loved so we can feel more connected and grounded. If your work colleagues didn’t invite you to lunch, grab a drink with members of your softball team instead. If your kid gets rejected by a friend, make a plan for them to meet a different friend instead and as soon as possible. And when a first date doesn’t return your texts, call your grandparents and remind yourself that your voice alone brings joy to others.
Rejection is never easy but knowing how to limit the psychological damage it inflicts, and how to rebuild your self-esteem when it happens, will help you recover sooner and move on with confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.
Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who is a leading advocate for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. His three TED Talks have been viewed over 20 million times, and his science-based self-help books have been translated into 26 languages. He also writes the Squeaky Wheel blog for PsychologyToday.com and has a private practice in New York City.
Thinking of moving into a new relationship after a split is a great feeling. But, first, consider the status of the family assets from the broken marriage. You will need to sign a prenup for the children before getting into another relationship.
To attain family peace, have this contract to ease financial pressure, know how to handle the kids in the new formation, and for alimony settlement. Getting into a new marriage without an agreement could paralyze the relationship before it even starts.
Here are few tips to consider when going for a prenuptial agreement:
Be Keen During the Negotiations
Before getting into marriage, you need to be honest in all open discussions relating to finances and liabilities. And, highlighting your financial expectation from the partner is essential. You should ask the partner if they’re willing to sign the agreement.
You never know; some people are easily offended by the idea, not to mention the document itself. Often such people perceive it as a lack of trust. For this reason, this is a delicate topic that requires a lot of caution. If the partner isn’t willing, know what to do and remember that the agreement doesn’t have security in removing separation court battles.
Have Compassion
Even though you desire to get into another relationship, understanding your partner is essential. Prenuptial agreements are strict, and once this discussion comes to the table, don’t get hurt by your lover’s suggestions.
Know the Power Imbalances
Most prenup agreements come into being when one partner has more property or assets than the fiancée. In most cases, it shows an imbalance during the negotiation process. And you can use divorce solicitors to help you in case you’ve kids with the property shares.
You can settle the imbalance with straight talks – openly discuss the leverage and power disparities for amicable understanding. If done the right way, the final agreement document won’t be coercive but rather good.
Understand that prenups vary
Ideally, these types of agreements are necessary when you’re getting into a marriage with assets and properties made before the partner’s existence. So, you have to agree on how to plan everything and so forth.
It’s not necessary if both of you own nothing. You can plan with your partner on sharing expenses.
Consider Mediation
When signing a prenup, a mediator is inevitable. You can consider bringing a divorce mediator on board to help with vital information. These people have vast experiences and knowledge on what contributes to a marriage failure and the successful ones.
In most cases, people sign the agreement to help if a divorce arises, making divorce mediators the best professionals for the task. They will help you determine solutions on how to share the assets or properties when a split strikes.
While these tips place you in a better position of signing a prenuptial agreement, you must also consider a professional mediator’s input in the process. You wouldn’t want to carry the burden of overlooking the expert input aspect.
Besides, you can search through and find the best advice fitting your situation with the partner. From there, please consult a professional to help you in signing this vital life document.
According to a SkinStore.com survey, 85% of American women never leave the house without using at least 16 facial care and beauty products. The survey established that every day, women wearing on average $8 worths of skincare and beauty products. This may not seem like much, but during your lifetime, you are likely to spend up to $300,000 on beauty products.
Why is the beauty industry so expensive? Indeed, while we are willing to look after our skin and hair, most of us would think twice if they considered their beauty budget as a whole. Does it have to be so costly?
The beauty and personal care market is constantly growing and evolving. The trends of today may not be relevant anymore by tomorrow. Besides, diving into the Personal Care Industry market could highlight some interesting findings. Perhaps, other buyers have identified new wonder products that could be more effective than your routine buys. Alternatively, this is also a great way of understanding how to balance beauty services and products, and where you should spend your money for the best results.
Businesses price insecurities rather than solutions
Why are you willing to pay a lot of money for a product you haven’t yet tried? Businesses in this market know how to make their products sound appealing to their audience groups. For instance, a lot of customers are willing to pay more for products that promise to tackle their insecurities. Hair loss products, for example, can cost several hundreds of $, while you could get positive results without breaking the bank. The belief that expensive is better is engraved in our brains. We put a high price on our insecurities, whether it is bad skin or hair loss, based on how they make us feel. Therefore, we want to pay a lot of money for products whose price tag reflects our heightened emotional state.
We lack beauty knowledge
Science can play a huge role in the beauty market. However, science doesn’t mean you need to buy products that have been specifically designed in labs to obtain positive results. Science is about understanding which ingredients work for you. Therefore, basic beauty knowledge could dramatically transform our routines and beauty budget. You’ve got a lot of natural ingredients in your kitchen that can replace some of your most expensive products without sacrificing results. Raspberries and coconut oil combined can help brighten up your lips and nourish the skin. Comparatively, it is a cheap but effective alternative to chemical treatments.
Everyone wants a personal care routine that makes us feel good. But that doesn’t mean you should confuse the luxury feel of me-time without your product price tag. Beauty is about self-care. Expensive products are not always more effective. Giving your mind the time it needs to unwind can help reduce stress levels and alleviate signs of stress, aka dull complexion, pimples, wrinkles, etc.
In conclusion, while some products are expensive to reflect on the difficulty to find or process some ingredients, there’s no need for the beauty industry to create a hole in your budget. More often than not, we are willing to pay more because we lack knowledge of the trends or the best natural ingredients. The more insecure we feel, the more we are ready to spend money to make our fears disappear. This has to stop! Feeling good in your skin shouldn’t break the bank.
We all have a dream home in mind. Even if you don’t exactly know what it looks like, that’s okay. Most of us just know that there’s a certain style of home or caliber of property that we’re aspiring to. Whether it’s something that you want to start thinking about now, or it’s a property that you want to work towards in the future. It’s nice to know exactly what you’ll need to do to be able to make it happen.
If you’ve ever bought a property before, you’ll find that you know what the process is like. It can take time. You may spend months or years trying to find the right place. Or maybe you’re just not sure how to find it. Let’s take a look at what you can do to find the luxury home of your dreams.
Work With An Agent
First of all, you might want to think about working with a specialist to help you here. You may find that working with the best real estate agents is going to be the key. They know the market the best and they may even know about houses for sale that aren’t listed yet. This could be the simplest option to start with.
Find An Area You Love
From here, you might want to think about finding an area that you really love. It might be the case that there are certain luxury apartment communities that you know about and want to explore. Knowing the area is always a good start. So this is important to keep in mind.
Build It Yourself
It could even be that you decide that you want to find the house of your dreams by building it yourself. Sometimes, you just won’t find the house you want already out there. Or maybe you are inspired by a range of properties you’ve seen and you want to combine the things you love? When you build your dream home, you get to bring everything you want together for all the modern conveniences you desire. So this might be the option for you.
Make An Offer
Sometimes, you don’t find your perfect home through the traditional route at all. It could be that you actually know which home you want to live in. Maybe it’s in your area or you’ve seen it before. It could be that it’s not actually for sale. But sometimes, you can actually reach out to the owners and make an offer. It’s obviously not the traditional thing to do, but it happens and there is no reason why you can’t ask. Sometimes it will mean that you get to live in the house you’ve always wanted to.
Final Thoughts
Searching for a luxury home isn’t always a quick process. When you have high standards and you know what you’re looking for, it can take time to find the right place. But with one of these options, you should be able to find your perfect luxury home.
Did you know that for you and your spouse to be considered legally separated, you should have been living apart for six months? Additionally, while pursuing a separation, there should be no possibility of reconciliation. With 50% of marriages in the United States ending in separation and divorce, it helps to arm yourself with some knowledge on what this entails. Read further to find out the things to consider when seeking a legal separation.
Although it’s a legal separation, the law demands that both parents decide on custody agreements and child visitation rights. Regardless of the circumstances behind the marriage’s breakdown, your young children (under 18 years) should come first in this decision-making process, primarily for their mental and emotional well-being. No matter how low the marriage has sunk, your utmost concern should be creating a stable and balanced family for the kids in question. You should always try to make your children feel safe and secure in every situation.
Remember also that whatever you agree to concern child custody can continue to remain so when the divorce is finally granted, the only exception being when there’s irrefutable proof or evidence of one partner being abusive. In other cases, when a party has a criminal record that bars him or her from getting full custody of kids (biological or adopted), the court can grant supervised visitations.
Hire qualified legal representation
Indeed, the procedures, processes, and countless paperwork necessary in legal separations are complex. It can be an arduous emotional and mental journey getting through with each stage. With the associated stress and emotional torture that comes with it, you’ll find it worthwhile to seek a qualified family law attorney. Most importantly, your lawyer can represent you in court, which can save you countless courthouse sessions.
If you’re already on the lookout for such help, you can Google “divorce solicitors Manchester” and reputable firms such as Bannister Preston will be among the results. They are a group of lawyers with decades of experience in family law with trusted solutions for your legal challenges. Getting useful legal advice and representation in a trying period such as this can help smoothen the process. As already indicated in earlier paragraphs, legal separation can be intense, and you need experienced hands to help you set the right plan in motion.
This is one of the essential parts of any legal separation and divorce. Dividing assets is a stage every couple seeking separation and divorce will arrive at, at some point. Make a rough list of properties (moveable and unmoveable) you own, ranging from houses, land, bank accounts to vehicles.
Everything both parties own should be listed and valued appropriately, as this is usually the stage notable for contention during the legal separation and divorce proceedings. It’s better to declare everything you both own as a couple to avoid any further strife.
Separation and divorce are not things people willingly look forward to. Unfortunately, circumstances leading to the total breakdown of the marriage may bring couples to this point.
So, assuming you have no choice but to go down this path, make sure it’s done within the confines of the law.
Each month Sheryl from A Chronic Voice does a link-up party and this month’s writing prompts are Defining, Saving, Allocating, Educating, and Uniting. I choose three of the five writing prompts, Defining, Saving, and Allocating. This is my first link-up party and I look forward to joining in more often during 2021.
The purpose of the Link Up Party is for people with chronic illnesses to use writing prompts to share aspects of their life that may help or motivate others to live their best lives. A Chronic Voice has been doing the monthly writing prompts since 2017 and the post contributed each month are very interesting, educational, and motivating, and sometimes very funny.
Defining
I’m defining who I want o to be, what I want each day to look like, and most importantly, how I want to act. It’s so easy to go with the flow when you chronically ill, we have every reason too. What I want to do is define what my life is going to look like for all the days I can control. I know there will be days I won’t live up to my expectations and that’s okay, it’s not a failure, it’s reality. I need to clear my head and get back to what my goals are and what am I working for in the way of self-improvement. It only takes a small amount of effort to be nice, and I want to work harder at taking that extra step to help people and not be the naysayer.
Saving
This month I’m saving my energy for my health by getting enough rest and sleep. I’m saving a ton of energy by staying away from negativity, and also being more aware of how much time I spend on social media. I already limit my news watching to one hour a day but there are many headlines thrown at you while you’re on the Internet that can be very distracting. I’m working harder to not look at the headlines, for all I know its fake news. Staying clear and focused on my goals will save energy. If I’m doing the actions to support my goals every day then there isn’t time to waste on energy drainers.
Allocating
I’m allocating time to expand the types of posts I write, one way is by reading books that have been gifted for reviews. I’ve worked hard to transition my blog, Looking For The Light to a Health and Lifestyle blog, not one focused solely on my chronic illnesses. Another way I’m allocating is thru time spent on reading, researching, and taking more time to write each post. Not worrying about a schedule as much. On the health front, my hips are causing me tremendous pain and have even disrupted my sleep for months now. The doctor has increased my meds and has me scheduled for a CT Scan of both hips next week. This is on top of the everyday Fibromyalgia pain I have. I have to allocate time for rest, pain is very draining. Taking time out several times a day to rest or do nothing is important, I’m working on making myself number one more often.
How are you Defining, Saving, and Allocating this month?
I remember as a kid my mother would buy us a package of Valentine’s cards to fill out for all of our classmates. And who can forget the sweetheart candy with sayings like Would you be mine? on written them. Somewhere along the line cards became directed at a special someone you wanted to know how you felt about them.
My husband and I still exchange Valentine’s Day cards after 18 years of marriage. it’s an important day to say you care and that you hold them in a special place in your heart. In addition to a card, I received a heart-shaped box of chocolate-covered strawberries and an orchid plant. He knows the way to my heart! Of course, it takes much less than that to win me over.
Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and….
Jehan de Grise and his workshop, “The Heart Offering,” 1338-1344. Illustration from The Romance of Alexander, Bodleian Library, Oxford, England.
We see the familiar symbol everywhere — in text messages, signs, cakes, clothing, and more. But we also know the real heart looks nothing like it. Historian Marilyn Yalom tells us how the anatomical organ became the symbol that we all know today.
In 2011, I went to the British Museum in London to see a collection of 15th-century artifacts, which included gold coins and jewelry that were part of the Fishpool Hoard found in England in 1966. I was particularly attracted to a heart-shaped brooch (below, one of the heart brooches from the hoard).
That day, I noticed the heart’s two upper lobes and its V-shaped bottom point as if I were seeing them for the first time. It quickly dawned on me that the symmetrical shape is a far cry from the ungainly lumpish organ inside us. From that moment on, the figure of the heart pursued me. I wanted to answer two questions: “How did the human heart become transformed into the iconic form we know today?” and “How long has the heart been associated with love?”
Artist unknown. Brooch from the Fishpool Hoard, 1400-1464, British Museum, London, England.
As far back as the ancient Greeks, lyric poetry identified the heart with love in verbal conceits. Among the earliest known Greek examples, the poet Sappho agonized over her own “mad heart” quaking with love. She lived during the 7th century BC on the island of Lesbos surrounded by female disciples for whom she wrote passionate poems, now known only in fragments, like the following: Love shook my heart, Like the wind on the mountain Troubling the oak-trees.
Greek philosophers agreed, more or less, that the heart was linked to our strongest emotions, including love. Plato argued for the dominant role of the chest in love and in negative emotions of fear, anger, rage and pain. Aristotle expanded the role of the heart even further, granting it supremacy in all human processes.
Artist unknown. Drachm depicting a silphium seed pod, ca. 510-490 BC. Sanctuary of Demeter and Persephone, Cyrene.
Among the ancient Romans, the association between the heart and love was commonplace. Venus, the goddess of love, was credited — or blamed — for setting hearts on fire with the aid of her son Cupid, whose darts aimed at the human heart were always overpowering.
In the ancient Roman city of Cyrene — near what is now Shahhat, Libya — the coin (above) was discovered. Dating back to 510-490 BC, it’s the oldest-known image of the heart shape. However, it’s what I call the non-heart heart, because it is stamped with the outline of the seed from the silphium plant, a now-extinct species of giant fennel. Why in the world would anyone have put that on a coin? Silphium was known for its contraceptive properties, and the ancient Libyans got rich from exporting it throughout the known world. They chose to honor it by putting it on a coin.
Illustration from the novel Manon Lescaut by Antoine François Prévost, iStock.
The ancient Romans held a curious belief about the heart — that there was a vein extending from the fourth finger of the left hand directly to the heart. They called it the vena amoris. Even though this idea was based upon incorrect knowledge of the human anatomy, it persisted. In the medieval period in Salisbury, England, during the church ceremony in the liturgy, the groom was told to place a ring on the bride’s fourth finger because of that vein. Wearing a wedding ring on that finger goes back all the way to the Romans.
Artist unknown, “Herr Alram von Gresten: Minne Gespräch,” from the Codex Manesse. Heidelberg University Library, Heidelberg, Germany.
During the 12th and 13th centuries, the heart found a home in the feudal courts of Europe. Minstrels in France celebrated a form of love that came to be known as “fin’ amor.” Fin’ amor is impossible to translate: today we call it courtly love, but its original meaning was closer to “extreme love,” “refined love” or “perfect love.” Courtly love required the troubadour to pledge his whole heart to only one woman, with the promise that he would be true to her forever. Accompanied by his lyre or harp, he’d sing his heart out in the presence of his lady and the members of the court to which she belonged.
This explosion of song and poetry that started in France spread to Spain, Portugal, Italy, Germany, Hungary and Scandinavia, each of which created its own variations. Through them, love staked out its place not only as a literary concept but also as an important social value and an intrinsic part of being human. A yearning for amorous love seeped into the Western consciousness and has remained there since. The illustration (above) is from the German Codex Manesse, a compilation of love poems which historians place sometime between 1300 to 1340. Between the couple, a fanciful tree rises to form the outline of a heart, which carries within it a coat of arms bearing the Latin word AMOR (love.)
Jehan de Grise and his workshop, “The Heart Offering,” 1338-1344. Illustration from The Romance of Alexander, Bodleian Library, Oxford, England.
In 1344, the first known image of the indubitable heart icon with two lobes and a point appeared. It made its debut in a manuscript titled The Romance of Alexander, written in the French dialect of Picardy by Lambert le Tor (and, after him, finished by Alexandre de Bernay). With hundreds of exquisitely ornamented pages, Alexander is one of the great medieval picture books.
The scene containing the heart image appears in the lower border of a page decorated with sprays of foliage, perched birds and other motifs characteristic of French and Flemish illumination. On the left-hand side (above), a woman raises a heart that she has presumably received from the man facing her. She accepts the gift, while he touches his breast to indicate the place from which it has come. From this moment on, there was an explosion of heart imagery, particularly in France.
Master of the Chronique scandaleuse, “Miniature of Two Women Trying to Catch Flying Hearts in a Net” (detail), ca. 1500. From Pierre Sala, Petit Livre d’Amour, British Library, London, England.
During the 15th century, the heart icon proliferated throughout Europe in a variety of unexpected ways. It was visible on the pages of manuscripts and on luxury items like brooches and pendants. The heart also turned up in coats of arms, playing cards, combs, wooden chests, sword handles, burial sites, woodcuts, engravings and printer’s marks. The heart icon was adapted to many practical and whimsical uses, with most — but not all — related to love.
Frenchman Pierre Sala contributed to the history of the amorous heart with a book titled Emblèmes et Devises d’amour, or Love Emblems and Mottos, prepared in Lyon around 1500. His collection of 12 love poems and illustrations was intended for Marguerite Bullioud, the love of his life, although she was married to another man. (She and Sala wed after her husband’s death.) Sala’s tiny book was meant to be held in the palm of one’s hand. In one of the illustrations (above), two women attempt to catch a bevy of flying hearts in a net stretched out between two trees. The winged heart, borrowing from angels, had already appeared in earlier illustrations as the sign of soaring love.
Artist unknown, Pensez à moi, ca. 1900. Paper valentine, image courtesy of Marilyn Yalom.
Though some people assume that Valentine’s Day is the creation of the modern greeting card industry, its history is much older — indeed, so old that its origins are clouded. Saint Valentine of Rome was added to the Catholic calendar by Pope Gelasius in 496, to be commemorated on February 14, the same day it still occupies. While there have been various theories of why St. Valentine became associated with love, it most likely developed during the late Middle Ages in the context of Anglo-French courtly love.
By the mid-17th century, the celebration of Valentine’s Day in England was customary for those who could afford its rituals. Affluent men drew lots with women’s names on them, and the man who picked a lady’s name was obliged to give her a gift. The earliest English, French and American valentines were little more than a few lines of verse handwritten on a sheet of paper, but over time, makers began embellishing them with drawings and paintings. These were folded, sealed with wax, and placed on their intended’s doorstep.
Then, the first commercial valentines appeared in England at the end of the 18th century. They were printed, engraved or made from woodcuts and sometimes colored by hand. They combined traditional symbols of love — flowers, hearts, cupids, birds — with doggerel verse of the “roses are red” variety. Thanks to the Industrial Revolution, mass-produced Valentine’s Day cards obliterated the handmade variety in England and the US. The French, too, began exploiting the commercial valentine, with cards featuring angel-like cupids surrounded by hearts (above, a French card, circa 1900).
Milton Glaser, I Love New York, 1977. Trademarked logo, New York State Department of Economic Development, New York, New York.
In 1977, the heart icon underwent yet another transformation when it became a verb. The “I ❤ NY” logo was created to boost morale for a city in crisis. Trash piled up on the streets, the crime rate spiked, and it was near bankruptcy. Hired to design an image that would increase tourism, graphic designer Milton Glaser created the famous logo (above) that has since become a cliché and a meme. With the logo, Glaser extended the heart’s meaning beyond romantic love to embrace the realm of civic feelings and thereby opened the gateway to new uses. Once it became a verb, ❤ could connect a person with any other person, place or thing.
Twenty-two years later, a new graphic form appeared that brought the heart into a whole new realm. In 1999, Japanese provider NTT DoCoMo released the first emojis made for mobile communication. In the original set of 176 symbols, there were five concerning the heart. One was colored completely red, one included white blank spots to suggest 3-D depth, another had jagged white blanks at its center signifying a broken heart, one looked as if it were in flight, and one had two small hearts sailing off together.
Now there are more 30 different emojis containing a heart, and I suspect the heart image will keep evolving in unknown ways for centuries to come.While the heart may be only a metaphor, it serves us well, for love itself is impossible to define. Throughout the ages, men and women have tried to put into words the various shades of love they’ve experienced — fondness, affection, infatuation, attachment, endearment, romance, desire or “true love.” But when words fail us, we fall back on signs. We add ❤ to our emails, texts and notes. We send valentines adorned with ❤ to those dear to us. We give gifts with❤ patterns. We make ❤ -shaped cookies for children. The continued global popularity of the heart as a symbol for love offers us a small dose of hope, serving as a reminder of the ageless assumption that love can save us.
Marilyn Yalom is a senior scholar at the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford University, and the author of “A History of the Wife” and “How the French Invented Love,” among other books.
Have you ever been asked “What’s your love language?”
Chances are, you have. Because the concept — first created by counselor and pastor Gary Chapman, unpacked in a series of books, and picked up by many others — has spread far and wide. The five love languages refer to the five simple ways that we want love to be shown to us and the ways that we show others love.
I’m a relationship researcher, and while I haven’t empirically studied the love languages concept, other academics have. Some of the published studiesconfirm the validity of love languages, revealing they can increase people’s relationship satisfaction and longevity.
What I find so helpful about love languages is that they express a basic truth. Implicit to the concept is a common-sense idea: We don’t feel or experience love in the same way. Some of us will only be content when we hear the words “I love you,” some prize quality time together, while some will feel most cared for when our partner scrubs the toilet.
In this way, love is a bit like a country’s currency: One coin or bill has great value in a particular country, less value in the countries that border it, and zero value in many other countries. In relationships, it’s essential to learn the emotional currency of the humans we hold dear and identifying their love language is part of it.
No matter your situation — whether you’re living alone, spending 24/7 with a partner or roommates, living with adult kids or steering younger kids through virtual school — the five love languages are a highly effective set of tools to have in your relational toolkit. When we know what another person’s love language is, we can choose the gestures that will most resonate with our partner, friend, parent or child. And when we know which actions speak make us feel loved, we can ask other people for exactly what we need.
While there are plenty of online quizzes to tell you what your love language is, it’s easy to figure out yours and what your loved ones’ are by looking at what lights them up, what presents they give you (since many of us bestow on others what we would most like), and what their perfect day would look and feel like.
Here’s a look at the five languages and how they can be applied and optimized — even during a pandemic.
Love language #1: Words of affirmation
Those of us whose love language is words of affirmation prize verbal connection. They want to hear you say precisely what you appreciate or admire about them. For example: “I really loved it when you made dinner last night”; “Wow, it was so nice of you to organize that neighborhood bonfire”; or just “I love you.”
For the people in your life that you’re not seeing in person because of the pandemic, you could film a short video to send them. My kindergarten-aged goddaughter and I haven’t been together in 7+ months, but we text each other silly videos of us saying — or even singing — what we miss most about each other.
And for the people you are seeing all of the time these days, remember that even making tiny gestures matters. This is my primary love language, and my husband of 29 years knows it. I’ll often wake up and go into the kitchen to find a sweet post-it note next to a glass of ice water on the counter (which is another love language — an act of service).
Love language #2: Acts of service
Some of us feel most loved when others lend a helping hand or do something kind for us. A friend of mine is currently going through chemotherapy and radiation, putting her at high risk for COVID-19 and other infections. Knowing that her love language is acts of service, a group of neighbor friends snuck over under the cover of darkness in December and filled her flower pots in front of her house with holiday flowers and sprigs. Others have committed to shoveling her driveway all winter. (It’s Minnesota, so that’s big love.)
In your home, you could be proactive and do something that eases your person’s daily grind. Why not take on the chore that everyone avoids doing, whether that’s cleaning the oven, changing the litter box, scraping ice off the car, or filling and running the dishwasher? For anyone whose love tank is filled up by people pitching in, seeing someone intentionally scanning the environment to figure out what they can do to make their environment better sends a clear and loving message to them.
Love language #3: Gifts
Those of us whose love language is gifts aren’t necessarily materialistic. Instead, their tanks are filled when someone presents them with a specific thing, tangible or intangible, that helps them feel special. Yes, truly, it’s the thought that counts.
When you’re out grabbing groceries for your family, pick up your roommate’s favorite kombucha or seltzer and drop it by their door. Our daughter — whose love language is gifts — is a junior in college and we know she’ll adore what’s in the box soon to arrive in the mail: a small package covered in valentine stickers and containing her favorite chocolates, gift cards for coffee and a framed picture of our family dogs, Fred and George. It’s an act of love that will fill her mailbox and her emotional bank account.
Love language #4: Quality time
Having another person’s undivided, dedicated attention is precious currency for the people whose love language is quality time. In a time of COVID-19 and quarantining, spending quality time together can seem challenging. But thanks to technology, it’s actually one of the easiest to engage in.
Make an intentional effort to have Zoom coffee dates with the colleagues you’ve been missing, or go on distanced walks with your in-laws. Put a good old fashioned phone call each week on the calendar with your best friend, or schedule an in-house date night with your partner or spouse — no phones or “I’m just going to turn on the TV for a second” distractions allowed. Nothing says “I love you” in quality time language better than them being the only thing on your agenda.
Love language #5: Physical touch
Expressing the language of physical touch can be as platonic as giving a friend an enthusiastic fist-bump when she tells you about landing an interview for a dream job or as intimate as a kiss with your partner to mark the end of the workday.
I know that for some parents with young children, spending too much time in the same small space has created a rub — literally. They’d do anything to have fewer people touching them fewer hours of the day. At the same time, for those living alone or those self-isolating because of their exposure or health risks, they’re experiencing the painful opposite: a lack of touch.
While there are no easy solutions for either case, we can get creative. If you know someone who’s overwhelmed by the small hands reaching for them, you might offer to take the kids to a park so they can run off some of their energy. For loved ones who are touch-deprived, try emailing them an outline of your hand and instruct them to lay their hand on the image while imagining your hand on theirs. Even thinking about a warm embrace — something you can do by texting friends and family members with the hug or hugging face emoji and telling you wish you could be doing this in person — can cause their brain to produce some of the same endorphins as an actual hug would.
Love languages are a worthwhile concept to become fluent in during this pandemic time — and at this time in the world. Long before COVID arrived on the scene, we were already living through an epidemic of loneliness. Loneliness is not just about being alone; it’s about experiencing a lack of satisfying emotional connections. By taking the time to learn each other’s love languages and then using them, we can strengthen our relationships and our bonds to others.
Carol Bruess PhD Carol Bruess (rhymes with “peace”) is professor emeritus at the University of St. Thomas, Minnesota; resident scholar at St. Norbert College, Wisconsin; and forever passionate about studying and improving relationships. She is fluent in emoji, loves parentheticals (it’s what all the cool kids are doing), and is happy-dancing her way through empty-nesting (although don’t tell her kids; they think she’s all weepy). Check out her five books and sewing/design shenanigans over at http://www.carolbruess.com
This post has some great tips for preparing for a doctor’s appointment. I thought you would like to read it. The tips here can apply to any type of doctor or medical professional appointment.
Photo by Sammsara Luxury Modern Home on Pexels.com
January 29, 2021
So, you’ve made a doctor’s appointment to discuss your chronic pain. That’s great and a huge step forward! Establishing a relationship with a good doctor can lead to treatment options, knowledge, and support that may ease your daily discomfort. Preparing for your appointment is a must, as it can lessen your stress and ensure you’ve gathered all pertinent information that your doctor might need to understand your case. Whether you’re seeing a regular MD or a pain specialist, the following 5 tips to get the most out of your pain doctor’s appointment.
Write down the history of your pain and the symptoms you experience
In order for your doctor to best understand your condition and provide an accurate diagnosis, you’ll want to share all pertinent details about your condition. It can be hard to remember all the information you want to relay when you’re actually face to face with your doctor, so take time before your appointment to write down the medical history of your pain, symptoms you experience, and any other information you think might be helpful. You should include:
An estimated date of when your pain began and if it followed a particular incident (i.e. after an accident, infection, or surgery).
How your pain has progressed or changed over time.
The different symptoms you experience and what they feel like—burning, stabbing, shooting, dull, achy, sharp, deep?
Any triggers that you’ve noticed that make your pain worse. These might include lack of movement, activity, rainy weather, certain foods, stress, etc.
Any treatments you’ve tried to reduce your pain. These might include medications, supplements, creams, injections, psychology, alternative therapies, physical therapy, surgery, changes in diet, etc. Which have helped and which have not?
If you’ve had any scans done, such as X-rays or MRIs, bring them or the results with you to the appointment.
Come up with a list of questions you want to ask
Just as with your pain history, it’s easy to forget questions that you wanted to ask your doctor when you’re on the spot during your appointment. To ensure that you get all of your questions answered, write a list of any questions or concerns you have beforehand. Start creating this list a week or more before your appointment to allow time for additional questions to pop into your mind. Designate a small note pad and pen to your questions list and make sure it’s accessible at all times—even carry it with you on outings so you can jot down questions before you forget them.
Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification
Your doctor’s appointment will undoubtedly include the exchange of a lot of information, some of which you probably won’t understand. During your appointment, don’t be afraid to ask your doctor to explain something in simpler terms or in a different way if you don’t initially understand it. Don’t be shy—this is your doctor’s job and clear communication between you two is key in receiving the best care possible.
Bring a notepad to write down helpful information
It can be hard to remember what you had for lunch yesterday, so as you can imagine, it’ll be difficult to remember all of the information your doctor tells you during your appointment. That’s why it’s crucial to bring a notepad and pen with you when you go into your doctor’s office. Take copious notes during your appointment and don’t hesitate to ask your doctor to slow down or repeat something. You never know what information will be of help to you, so jot down as much as you can so you can review it following your appointment.
Consider bringing a trusted friend or family member
Having someone with you at your appointment not only provides comfort, but comes with the added benefit of having another set of ears there to listen to the doctor. You might feel a bit scared, anxious, or flustered during your appointment so having someone there to support you can go a long way. Your companion can help you write notes, ask for clarification, advocate for your health, or simply offer. Be sure to ask your friend or family member to accompany you a week or more in advance so that there’s a better chance they’ll be free to go with you.
You are ready to get the most out of your visit
Apply these 5 tips to get the most out of your pain doctor’s appointment and you will also get a sense of comfort knowing that you’ve done everything you can to advocate for yourself. Preparation is key so really take the time to gather pertinent information, write down questions, and mentally prepare yourself to speak up. Wishing you the best of luck at your appointment!
Follow the Aromalief Blog for more valuable pain relieving information.
Welbeck Publishing Group kindly gifted me the book The Smart Girl’s Handbook by Scarlett V Clark for an honest review.
Blurb
Giving women the tools they need to shine in the modern world, become their fearless and authentic self, and design the life and career that fills them with joy. The Smart Girls Handbook brings together inspiration, game-changing ideas, and empowering words from women around the world who have been through it all.
Scarlett V Clark is a speaker and the award-winning founder and CEO of Smart Girl Tribe, the UK’s number one female empowerment community. She is available to provide extracts and top tip features such as:
• How my toxic relationship became the catalyst to my success
• 6 stress busters to stop feeling anxious
• ‘You grow through what you go through’: embracing failure
• How to silence your inner ‘mean girl’
My Thoughts
The Smart Girl Handbook is for women who are tired of being told what dress size they should be, tired of the negativity surrounding them today including from other women, and for women who want to be their authentic selves. Life happens and it’s not always pretty but with a backbone, determination, and the guidance of The Smart Girl’s Handbook you can come thru unscathed, just slightly bruised but not battered.
Learn how to not fall into the traps set out there to trip you up. Life around us is very negative, the news outlets, social media, and even toxic friends. You have to learn to rise above the negativity and Scarlett helps you silence your inner mean girl. The Smart Girl Handbook is all the questions you wish you could have asked when younger but had no-one or place to turn for the answers.
I encourage every woman to buy Scarlett’s book, The Smart Girl’s Handbook. Maybe even share one with a friend. This is not your average self-help book that has been regurgitated over and over. She’s witty, original, honest about the problem and how to get the answers. She’s not sharing pie in the sky stories, this is her life, dissected and laid out for you to learn from. I think The Smart Girl book is an excellent primer for moms to help their daughters navigate the rough waters ahead.
Website: www.smartgirltribe.com Facebook: Smart Girl Tribe Instagram: @smartgirltribe Podcast: ‘The Smart Girl Tribe Podcast’ available on Podbean, Spotify, iTunes, and anywhere you can find podcasts.
WelBeck Publishing Group
We are Welbeck Publishing Group – a globally recognised, independent publisher based in London. Our mission is to deliver talent-driven publishing with leading authors and brands worldwide. Our books and products span a variety of categories including, fiction, non-fiction and stationery and gift. We are renowned for our innovative ideas, production values, and developing long-lasting content.
Welbeck’s amazing product comes to life for adults, children, and families in over 30 languages in more than 60 countries around the world. We have collaborated with many of the world’s leading institutions and licensors including – Disney, Universal, Paramount, HBO, Queen Productions, FIFA, International Mensa, Roald Dahl Literary Estate, the Science, Natural History and Imperial War Museums, and Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew.
2020 has been a year to forget for many. Since the emergence of the global pandemic and the beginning of lockdown in March, none of us have been able to live a normal life.
Looking at the same four walls every single day as well as working from home has been tough for many of us, and as 2021 hits we are all raring for new experiences.
Whether it be changed to your lifestyle, health or career – 2021 is a time perfect to change, and here are some of the ways you can make a change in your life next year for the better.
By now, most of us growing tired of our own homes. Being stuck inside for 10 months has been hard for all of us and many of us have already started to look at houses and apartment rentals in our area. If you want to make a fresh start next year, moving house isn’t a bad idea. Let go of the bad memories of the past and move forward in a positive way by buying or renting a better living space for yourself. Being able to live somewhere new can do wonders for your mental health.
If you want to make a positive change to your physical and mental health in 2021, you need to get up and get moving. There are lots of ways you can stay fit without the need for a gym, and here are just a few of the things you can try:
One great way to make a change to your life without committing to anything crazy is changing your diet in small ways. From substituting white for brown bread and rice; to eating less meat and dairy; there are many brilliant things you can do to change your diet for the better. Consider finding foods that are good for the gut and for your heart such as sweet potatoes and peppers, and add these things to your diet more for a healthier body. You don’t have to overhaul your whole diet right away, just make small changes as you go.
We all need to have hobbies in our lives. When you spend all of your time working, eating, and sleeping – you will soon become bored with your life and your mental health can plummet. Change up your daily routine by spending time doing something new. It could be baking, writing, painting, a new sport, or anything you like. Bring something new into your life that you haven’t tried before and this could open you up to so much more in the future.
Making changes to your life in 2021 is a great idea and will change your life for the better.
Many people can fall into a slump during the colder winter months when there is less sunlight and motivation is low, but there are some easy ways to lift your spirits.
A good way to raise yourself from a slump is to create a vision board. A vision board is a collection of images and keywords that you design and assemble on a large piece of paper, for example, which visualises your hopes and dreams for the future. Vision boards are motivational, particularly when you lose sight of what you are working for. They are equally beneficial for when life becomes a little monotonous.
Some ideas to include in a vision board are career aspirations, travel plans, and personal growth targets.
Making a vision board can calm your mind, as it taps into your creativity and helps you focus on your current action. Plus, seeing your finished work day after day is sure to encourage inspiration.
It’s important to reach out to friends, relatives, or companions when you are feeling low. Even if you are feeling cheerful, getting in contact with someone you have not spoken to in a while might raise their spirits without you even realizing it.
As we get older, we tend to get stuck in our daily routines and forget that life is about connections and relationships. Older adults can especially yearn for a chat, or for a helping hand, which is why Seniors Helping Seniors is an invaluable service.
‘Going for a run’ is easier said than done for a lot of us. Especially in the cold, wet weather, running can be a real drag. However, there are plenty of alternative sports and fitness activities that will make you forget you’re even exercising – you’ll be having that much fun.
For one, dancing is a great way to release energy and work up a sweat with a smile on your face. You don’t need a studio to let your hair down, dancing in your room is encouraged. Whack on your favourite tunes and spend 20 minutes to an hour moving about to the music.
If mobility is an issue for you, swimming is an excellent way to stay fit and prevent any muscle or joint discomfort.
Walking and power-walking is also another way to get your daily exercise without it seeming too strenuous. For those busy days, this activity can tie in with work or socializing, as you could schedule a walking meeting or catch-up. Or, if you need a break from everything, going for a solo walk is a sure way to clear your head. You could even find a scenic route and make a trip out of it, rather than just walking around the block.
A simple way to distract yourself from the winter blues is to have a giggle. So, get comfy and pick a comedy film or stand-up show you know you will like, and even if you can’t muster a belly laugh, just feeling yourself smile can brighten your mood.
There are also plenty of apps and old-school games that will have you rolling on the floor laughing with friends or family. For smartphone users, try Heads Up!, it’s like a digital version of charades that can be played anywhere. Or if you’re at home, a card game like Snap or Uno is sure to cheer you up.
Going to bed early is never more important than in the winter. Our wellbeing depends on us getting a decent amount of sleep. For some people that means 8 hours of shuteye, for others, it’s more.
Find out what works for you, and go to bed at a time that allows for a full 8+ hours sleep until daybreak, so the sunrise works as a natural alarm clock. Seeing a full days-worth of sunlight can improve your mood dramatically. This is because catching the sun’s rays each day is associated with an increased level of serotonin in the body, a hormone that stabilizes our feelings of wellbeing.
Seek further help where needed
It’s never a bad thing or something that you should be ashamed of when it comes to asking for help. Whether it’s an issue with drugs, relationships, mental health, etc. getting the help you need should always be prioritized. You can check out outpatient drug rehab centers near me in order to find the right place that can help you with your needs, should you require it.
If you have considerable worries, or stress is getting on top of you. It’s a good idea to let out your thoughts and emotions either via pen or verbally with a counselor or therapist. Writing or talking about it can help you release negative feelings and therefore improve your wellbeing.
If you’ve watched daytime television or browsed the internet you’ve heard every get rich quick scheme. Start your own business and make $3,000 this month………People will promise the moon, we know how that ends. I enjoy making money! I keep it simple by making money on purchases I’m already making.
I use two apps, Rakuten.com and Honey.com. Both are installed into my browser and recognizes when I shop at one of their partners. A pop-up asks you to activate by clicking and it shows % of sales received on purchase. Be sure your active at the time of checkout, sometimes if you shop for a long time it may disable. You can do this by clicking on the R icon on your toolbar.
Rakutenis my long-term favorite, it’s easy and they partner with all the places I shop. To date, I’ve earned approximately $1200.00 for doing nothing but activating a code! Rakutenpays out every quarter for your previous purchases. The big money days are when their partners offer double or triple percent back and 10% days make me very happy. Small sales add up over the year. I also try to shop as I think of items I want and put in my cart for later shopping, then I wait until the payout percentage is higher to actually checkout. It o=could make the difference between $1.00 and $10.00! I’ll take easy money every day.
If you join Rakuten thru my link and spend $20, you $20 and I get $20. Check out all the stores they offer discounts thru, you probably already shop with some of them.
Honeyworks based on finding free shipping and coupon codes for your purchase. It runs thru a long list of coupon codes to see if one applies. You’ll see a pop-up that says there are coupon codes. You click and it does its thing. I like the Honey app, it’s so simple to use. I have received free shipping on several purchases, saved countless dollars with coupon codes. You also collect points for shopping with their partners so even if you don’t have a coupon code you earn points for your sale. Once you reach a certain number of points you can redeem from a huge selection of gift cards. I go for the Amazon gift cards. There’s nothing so rewarding as receiving an email saying you’ve just received a free $10 gift card of your choice as a reward for something I was already doing.
ThredUp.com is a site for women’s clothing, shoes, and accessories. You can find new items with tags, almost new and used, all priced accordingly. You can also clean out your closet and send items to ThredUp for them to sell. They also accept some designer items for resale. I had great luck with all the resale items I sent them, you have to be clear on what they are looking for in order to make money and have a higher percentage of your items listed. Request a cleanout bag and send your items in for listing, it’s a great way to make a little extra money on clothes and accessories with life left in them.
If you are a Prime Member at Amazon you have a world of free goodies offered movies, books…..the list goes on and on. I rely on Amazon since I don’t drive and Prime Members get two-day free shipping. I have saved thousands of dollars of shipping and the turnaround time is usually 2 days for the majority of times.
The best discovery I’ve made is the Amazon Prime Member Card. It’s a credit card that can only be used at Amazon, it’s offered with no fees. You receive 5% back on every purchase you make on Amazon. WOW!!!!! Amazon’s customer service is a first quality, every time I’ve had a problem they resolve it in a chat right away.
To give my husband downtime on weekends, we had our groceries delivered for over a year by Amazon. Prime Members get free delivery. The amount of time saved surprised him, the money has brought a smile to my face. The grocery section is AmazonFresh is extensive, they have thousands of products including fresh bread.
I just discovered Shoprunner. They are similar to Honey in that have preferred customers who if you use ShopRunner as your shipping method the shipping charges are free and you get two-day delivery. I have several stores I like to shop at but they don’t offer free returns which frustrates me. This is where ShopRunner comes in. If you have to return the item for any reason you go to their site and ShopRunner will provide you with a return label to print out. I made my first purchase using ShopRunner at Soma and if I have to make a return it won’t cost the normal $7.00 return fee.
Today, maintaining a healthy and peaceful union is almost next to impossible. Many factors that limit people from sustaining a healthy relationship include differing life goals, power from friends and family, lack of trust, diseases, pride, and miscommunication.
Many people break up as soon as they embark on the relationship journey. Additionally, there is an increase in people suffering from unfulfilling relationships, which has had more significant repercussions. For instance, there is an increase in separation and divorce levels, infidelity, and low self-esteem.
The truth is when one is loved; they glow and perform to their maximum. Furthermore, a stable and sound mind is the most incredible wealth you can possess. Love will not only help you conquer the world but will also help fight feelings of self-doubt and raise your self-importance.
It takes empathy, commitment, and patience to develop and maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. Taking note of the following measures will help you reignite your once fierce love life.
Appreciate Your Partner
There is power in appreciating your partner. Simple deeds such as listening to them, a thank you note, a gift, seeking their input before making important decisions, or a dinner treat will go a long way in making them feel unique and valued. Additionally, don’t forget to tell, remind and show them how you think of them.
Setting aside time to spend together with your partner is also very important. Yes, you may be busy with work or parenting, but putting aside two hours of your time to bond with your partner will help strengthen your love life in more extraordinary ways. Through these simple ideas, your lover will feel appreciated and always find a reason to stay amidst green grass on the other side.
Improve on Your Sex Life
Sexual intercourse is an essential activity in maintaining healthy unions. It’s not only a way of expressing love and affection, but it also helps in bonding. Moreover, frequent sex will help you raise your self-esteem, have fun, exercise, and keep stress away.
Despite its many benefits, most couples are not able to enjoy it in their union. This mostly results from medical conditions such as infections, having low libido. Getting sexual satisfaction from pornographic materials, deciding to abstain especially after infidelity are also contributing factors.
Whatever your reason for not having sex is, the truth is it cannot overtake the massive benefits associated with lovemaking in your union. Therefore, make every effort to work on the factors hindering you from enjoying sex in your life.
It is time to improvise libido-boosting foods in your diet, treat that infection or medical condition preventing you from enjoying sex and enroll in a pornography addiction recovery program to save your union if sex addiction is the wedge between you.
Maintain Open Communication
It is only through open communication that you will get to fight the many misunderstandings surrounding relationships today. You need to talk and explain situations to your partner as they happen.
It is not wise to ignore issues in a union. Find the appropriate time to discuss and solve matters when they arise. As two people sharing something beautiful, it is common for misunderstandings to arise.
Therefore, you should try to talk and explain situations to your partner to get rid of their doubts. Concurrently, it’s vital to remember that open communication symbolizes respect for your lover’s feelings in a relationship.
Ask for Forgiveness
It is natural to cross each other’s paths. When this happens, be ready to put pride aside and ask for forgiveness. Nonetheless, don’t make wronging your partner a habit in the hope that they will always forgive you; remember it is their feelings you are messing with, and they might soon tire accommodating you.
Unlike how most people view it, asking for forgiveness is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of courage. Therefore, don’t hesitate to reach out to your partner and ask for forgiveness after hurting them. Furthermore, it’s godly and beneficial to your mental wellbeing as an individual.
Work on Yourself
Nothing is fulfilling and satisfying than when your lover decides to change for the better. It gives you the courage and reason to fight on. Moreover, it is an indication of one’s commitment to the relationship.
Therefore, to make your relationship work, start by improving and bidding goodbye to those traits that are damaging your love life.
Take Away
It is natural to have misunderstandings in relationships. Nonetheless, with proper management skills and the desire to make it work, these shortcomings should not deter you from being happy. Do not let your relationship die when you can revamp it by putting the above five measures into action.
Kelly McCain Project Lead, Shaping the Future of Health and Healthcare, World Economic Forum
Aidan Manktelow Insights Lead, Inclusive Business, World Economic Forum
Mental health is an urgent priority for businesses in the COVID-19 recovery.
6 leaders from global companies share their views on how to improve workplace mental health.
Mental health has become an urgent priority for companies as a result of the COVID-19 crisis. The uncertainty and stress created by the pandemic, and increased isolation due to large-scale remote working, have put pressure on workforce mental wellbeing. The global cost of mental-ill health through lost productivity, absences and staff turnover is estimated to be around $2.5 trillion annually.
Recent research has found that about half of working adults globally say they have experienced increased anxiety around job security (56%), stress due to changes in work routines and organization (55%), feel lonely or isolated working from home (49%) or have difficulty achieving a work-life balance (50%) as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.
At the same time, the rising awareness of this challenge has created new impetus to tackle an issue that remains a stigma in many organisations.
In line with The Davos Agenda, we invited six members of our community to share what their organisations are doing to protect their employees’ mental health and what positive changes they foresee for business to tackle the issue of mental health in 2021:
What positive changes do you foresee for the way businesses will tackle the issue of mental health at work in 2021? And what is your best piece of advice on how to make that change happen?
‘Support a more hybrid workforce’
Elaine Arden, Group Chief Human Resources Officer, HSBC
The past 12 months have shown that people can be just as productive and experience better work-life balance when working outside of traditional workplaces. As choice and flexibility become more commonplace, businesses will need to continually evolve and adapt their well-being services to adequately support a more hybrid workforce.
Businesses can make change happen by talking – and listening! Ask your people how they are doing and what they need. At HSBC, our manager and employee surveys provide us with valuable insights that inform our strategy. By relying on robust data and lived-experiences, businesses will get to the heart of what really matters most, develop suitable solutions and measure their impact on the mental health of their people. As business continues to navigate through periods of uncertainty and volatility, the need to collaborate and share best practices with peers and experts has never been more important and should be an essential part of any healthcare response.”
2020 introduced new uncertainty and stress in the daily lives and routines of our team-mates, further emphasizing the need to embrace the importance of physical and emotional wellness; specifically mental health as a top priority. As employers, we have an obligation to provide our team-mates with opportunities to talk openly about their mental health and to secure the support they or their families may need. We must continue to lift the stigma on this critical topic, which in our case has been having a CEO and management team who are vocal advocates.
Bank of America is committed to the health and wellness of its team-mates and the communities that we serve. Like many companies, we expanded programs to help team-mates access enhanced resources and we need to continue to adapt and respond quickly to address the unique mental health needs of diverse workforces. We need to lead by example, participate in employee sessions, and share perspectives on the steps we are taking to support and protect our mental health.
‘Build mental wellbeing into our leadership culture’
For too long, mental health in the workplace has been viewed as an organisational risk, with a focus on managing individuals and incidents – a fact only exacerbated by COVID-19. The truth is, like physical health, mental health is a constant human reality for every person, every day. In 2021, we can expect more workplaces to recognise this and step-change their action on mental wellbeing, alongside a continued focus on physical health.
How we proactively support mental health in the workplace has a long way to go, but we are not starting from scratch. We can build on our collective decades of experience and expertise in physical health and safety to develop powerful actions and approaches. One of the most impactful choices we have made at BP is to include mental wellbeing questions in our regular employee engagement surveys to understand real-time how our teams are feeling. We have also taken steps to build mental wellbeing into our leadership culture.
At BP, we believe our workplaces can and should be positive environments that support mental health and wellbeing. Getting it right is an ongoing focus, but one that has never been more urgent.
‘Engage, understand and support staff’
Saurabh Govil, Chief Human Resources Officer, Wipro Ltd
People around the world went through severe challenges in 2020. Many are still reeling from layoffs in their families, grieving the death of loved ones, are sick themselves, or struggling with remote work, social isolation and mental health issues. The pandemic has not only changed business dynamics, but also the approach towards employee mental health. Compassion and empathy are no longer seen as extra, nice-to-have qualities. They are now essential. Businesses are increasingly focusing on investing in caring for their employees, and amplifying existing people frameworks, policies and support groups to better support employee wellbeing.
The most important and meaningful change will come from how leaders engage, understand and support staff at a more developmental level. Leaders should focus on the following areas: understanding the difference between urgency and importance and focusing on the latter; being compassionate while driving employees to action by channelling their feelings of frustration or despair. Finally, trust, transparency and openness will need to be the pillars of leadership, and workplace HR policies of the future.
‘Reach out to all of our people across the organization’
Toby Switzer, Chief Human Capital Officer, Agility
Wellbeing and mental health have always been important considerations for the people of Agility before the pandemic, but maybe not as highly prioritized. Now, with the significant work and life disruptions created by the crisis, these aspects were brought to a whole new life … and light … on how important they are for us.
We need to understand better the concerns, be proactive with ideas and programs, and reach out to all of our people across the organization, including our families and our communities so that they are aware that we care and that we will help. Having a focus on this makes us all better for both our short and long-term personal and professional life and health.
‘Take a broad view of what you class as mental health support’
COVID-19 has impacted many aspects of our lives including changing, for many, where and how we work. This impact is likely to accelerate the pre-COVID-19 trend of businesses prioritising and seeking ways to support the mental health of their employees.
My advice to employers is two-fold. Take a broad view of what you class as mental health support and then be led by the evidence. A broad view incorporates mindfulness and mental health first aid all the way through to flexible working policies and financial wellbeing. Being led by the evidence means actively looking to understand which approaches work for who, in what context and why – and if that evidence doesn’t yet exist, perhaps it’s your business that will generate it so that others can learn from you.
What’s the Forum doing on mental health?
The World Economic Forum’s platform for Shaping the Future of Health and Healthcare is convening efforts by our partners on workplace mental health to support evidence-based action on workplace mental health, in collaboration with the platform for Shaping the Future of the New Economy and Society’s Chief Human Resources Officer community. The CHRO community includes more than 100 CHROs of leading multinational companies. Supporting workforce mental health has been a consistent theme of its discussions since the onset of the COVID-19 crisis.
What is the World Economic Forum doing about mental health?
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More broadly, the Forum’s Mental Health in the Workplace initiative co-ordinates global efforts toward workplaces that are healthier mentally across industries, regions and sectors. The vision is a world where all workplace leaders recognize and commit – with the right tools in place – to taking tangible and evidence-based action on mental health and wellbeing, enabling their workforces to thrive.
This post was inspired by Maria Shiver’s newsletter Sunday Paper. Every week she has an influential person or celebrity talk about their “To Be List”. I’ve been reading these for about a month now and was inspired to write my own.
Some heartfelt advice from writer Bill Bernat, who’s been there
When I lived with severe depression and social anxiety, I found it extremely difficult to talk to strangers. Yet the one conversation that uplifted me more than any other occurred in the dining hall of the mental health wing of a mountain-town hospital. I met a woman who told me that a few days earlier, she’d driven her Jeep Wrangler to the edge of the Grand Canyon. She sat there, revving the engine and thinking about driving over.
She described what had been going on in her life in the days and months leading up, what her thoughts were at that exact moment, why she wanted to die, and why she didn’t do it. We nodded and half-smiled, and then it was my turn to talk about my journey to our table in that fine dining establishment. I had taken too many sleeping pills. After the doctors treated me, they were like, “Hey, we’d love it if you would be our guest in the psych ward!”
That day, she and I talked shop. She allowed me to be deeply depressed and simultaneously have a genuine connection to another person. For the first time, I identified as someone living with depression and I felt, oddly, good about it — or rather, like I wasn’t a bad person for having it.
Now, imagine one of the people at that table was a member of your family or a close friend who told you they were really depressed. Would you be comfortable talking to them?
Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability.
The World Health Organization says that depression is the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide, affecting more than 300 million people. In the United States, the National Institute of Mental Health reports 7 percent of Americans experience depression in a year. But while depression is super common, in my experience most folks don’t want to talk to depressed people unless we pretend to be happy. So we learn to put on a cheerful façade for casual interactions, like buying a pumpkin spice latte. The average barista doesn’t want to know that a customer is trapped in the infinite darkness of their soul.
Depression doesn’t diminish a person’s desire to connect with other people, just their ability. And despite what you might think, talking to friends and family living with depression can be easy and maybe fun. Not like Facebook-selfie-with-Lady-Gaga-at-an-underground-party fun — instead, I’m talking about the kind of fun where people enjoy each other’s company effortlessly, no one feels awkward, and no one accuses the sad person of ruining the holidays.
There’s a chasm that exists. On one side are people with depression, and on the other side is everyone else and they’re asking, “Why you gotta be so depressed?”
I’ve noticed there’s a chasm that exists. On the one side are those people living with depression, who may act in off-putting or confusing ways because they’re fighting a war in their head that nobody else can see. On the other side is everyone else, and they’re looking across the divide, shaking their heads, and asking, ‘Why you gotta be so depressed?’
I began battling depression when I was eight, and decades later, to my surprise, I started winning that battle. I shifted from being miserable much of the time to enjoying life. Today I live pretty well with bipolar disorder, and I’ve overcome some other mental health conditions, like overeating, addiction and social anxiety. As someone who lives on both sides of this chasm, I want to offer you some guidance based on my experiences to help you build a bridge across. I’ve also talked to a lot of people who’ve lived with depression to refine these suggestions.
Please don’t let our lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. Sadness doesn’t need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack.
Before I get to the do’s, here are some some things you might want to avoid when talking to someone who’s depressed.
Don’t say “Just get over it.” That’s a great idea – we love it — but there’s just one problem: we already thought of that. The inability to “just get over it” is depression. Depression is an illness, so it’s no different from telling someone with a broken ankle or cancer to “just get over it.” Try not to fix us — your pressure to be “normal” can make us depressed people feel like we’re disappointing you.
Don’t insist that the things which make other people feel better will work for us. For example, you cannot cure clinical depression by eating ice cream, which is unfortunate because that would be living the dream.
Don’t take it personally if we respond negatively to your advice. I have a friend who, about a year ago, messaged me saying he was feeling really isolated and depressed. I suggested some things for him to do, and he was like, “No, no, and no.” I got mad, like, “How dare he not embrace my brilliant wisdom!” Then I remembered the times I’ve been depressed and how I thought I was doomed in all possible futures and everybody hated me. It didn’t matter how many people told me otherwise; I didn’t believe them. So I let my friend know I cared, and I didn’t take his response personally.
Don’t think that being sad and being OK are incompatible. Please don’t let our lack of bubbly happiness freak you out. Sadness does not need to be treated with the urgency of a shark attack. Yes, we can be sad and OK at the exact same time. TV, movies, popular songs and even people tell us if we’re not happy, there’s something wrong. We’re taught that sadness is unnatural, and we must resist it. In truth, it’s natural and it’s healthy to accept sadness and know it won’t last forever.
Talk to a depressed person as if their life is just as valuable, intense and beautiful as yours.
And here are some do’s.
Do talk to us in your natural voice. You don’t need to put on a sad voice because we’re depressed; do you sneeze when you’re talking to somebody with a cold? It’s not rude for you to be upbeat around us.
Do absolve yourself of responsibility for the depressed person. You might be afraid that if you talk to them, you’re responsible for their well-being, that you need to “fix” them and solve their problems. You’re not expected to be Dr. Phil — just be friendly, more like Ellen. You may worry that you won’t know what to say, but words are not the most important thing — your presence is.
Do be clear about what you can and cannot do for us. I’ve told people, “Hey, call or text me anytime, but I might not be able to get back to you that same day.” It’s totally cool for you to make a narrow offer with really clear boundaries. Give us a sense of control by getting our consent about what you’re planning to do. A while back when I was having a depressive episode, a friend reached out and said, “Hey, I want to check in with you. Can I call you every day? Or, maybe text you every day and call you later in the week? What works for you?” By asking for my permission, she earned my confidence and remains one of my best friends today.
Do interact with us about normal stuff or ask us for help. When people were worried about a friend of mine, they’d call him and ask if he wanted to go shopping or help them clean out their garage. This was a great way to reach out. They were engaging with him without calling attention to his depression. He knew they cared, but he didn’t feel embarrassed or like a burden. (Yes, your depressed friends could be a good source of free labor!) Invite them to contribute to your life in some way, even if it’s as small as asking you to go see a movie that you wanted to see in the theater.
This is, by no means, a definitive list. All of these suggestions are grounded in one guiding principle: speaking to someone like they belong and can contribute. That’s what allowed the woman in the Jeep Wrangler to start me on my path to recovery without even trying: She spoke to me like I was OK and had something to offer exactly as I was at that moment. Talk to a depressed person as if their life is just as valuable, intense and beautiful as yours. If you focus on that, it might just be the most uplifting conversation of their life.
Bill Bernat is a technology marketer, Comedy Central comedian, and The Moth Radio Hour storyteller living in Seattle. He brings awareness and humor to mental health in his award-winning show, Becoming More Less Crazy. He also leads storytelling workshops and fundraisers for nonprofit organizations.
I had a simple procedure yesterday but the anesthesia kept me sleeping most the day. I’m behind in my reading and want to say, hang in there I’ll catch up over the next couple of days. And a special thanks to for all the comments I have not been able to reply to from last week.
It has a 3.5 inch needle in my hip, I’ll write about when I catch up.
Kids might find it more difficult to cope with the pandemic. Here’s how parents can help them.
When the COVID-19 pandemic hit this past spring, billions of children around the globe were abruptly sent home from school — an anchor in so many ways. Kids have been cut off from friends and loved ones, and yanked away from daily activities and passions. Many have watched their loved ones get sick or have come down with the virus themselves. It has been … a lot.
Now, as another unprecedented academic year swings into high gear, children are facing more of the same “new normal” that no one asked for.
“We don’t know how long we’re going to be living in this very strange period. For some kids, that mean that they’ve adjusted and things are a little bit easier to manage,” said Kimberly Canter, a child psychologist at Nemours Children’s Health System. “For other kids, that just means this gets harder and harder every day.”
HuffPost Parents spoke to several experts about simple, concrete ways we can help support our children during this upcoming school year. Here’s what they had to say:
1. Regularly check in with them about what they think is happening with COVID-19.
Talking to your child about what they know (or believe they know) about the pandemic is a crucial first step to understanding where they’re at emotionally, said Canter, who developed an online intervention to help kids struggling with COVID-19 stress. (The intervention is currently available to Nemours patients only, but she shared some of the broader concepts below.)
You’re looking to understand their specific concerns, she said.
“Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are not true?” she asked. “Are there things they are hearing that are frightening them that are true? And how can we address that?”
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
2. Help them identify their emotions.
Emotional intelligence is a learned skill that is rooted in a person’s ability to identify what they are feeling. Parents can help their children do that, Canter said. It’s really about noticing their feelings and learning how to name them.
This can start even if kids are young. Simple mood meters — red for angry, blue for sad, green for calm and yellow for happy — can help young kiddos track where they are and give voice to those feelings.
If your child brings up something you don’t have an answer to, or there’s no answer to, be honest. Tell them you’ll seek out accurate information together, and reassure them that they’re not facing this alone.
Parents should also pay attention to any physical, emotional or social changes they notice in their children, said Ron Stolberg, a licensed child psychologist and professor at Alliant International University.
“Typical things to look for are significant weight gain or weight loss not related to normal development, rejecting long-standing friends, major social withdrawal, and with teens, we also add unaccounted-for spending,” Stolberg said.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
Your check-ins can be brief, but they should be consistent. Parents may have done this more at the start of the pandemic, when everything was strange and new. Don’t let up now.
3. Build trust with their teachers.
Even if you live in an area where your child is in the classroom five days a week, this is an academic year like no other. One simple way to emotionally support your child — and your child’s teacher — is to help them feel “safe and connected to their school communities,” said Jeanne Huybrechts, chief academic officer at Stratford School, a network of private schools in California. That is true whether classes are in person, hybrid or starting the year off remotely.
“Reach out to your child’s teacher and introduce yourself and your family,” Huybrechts said. “Share family stories, values, your family’s living situation this fall, your child’s feelings about the return to school.”
More than ever this year, open communication with your child’s teachers is essential.
4. For at least five minutes a day, hang out with them however they want.
Parents sometimes hate to hear this tip because at the end of a long, exhausting day, many parents just (understandably) want to collapse, said Jill Ehrenreich-May, a psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Program at the University of Miami.
But she recommends taking at least five minutes a day, every day, to just hang out together with the kids.
“Do something — not on screens — that your child wants to do with you,” Ehrenreich-May said. Follow their lead, and really try to connect through joy. They need it.
5. Remind them of what they can control.
Many children are struggling under the weight of so many unknowns. We don’t know when school will be “normal” again. We don’t know when they’ll be able to freely hug grandparents or friends. We don’t know if they’ll get sick, or if we will get sick — and how serious it might be. That’s difficult for anyone to deal with, particularly kids.
Parents can help by focusing them on what they can control right now.
“You might not be able to control if there’s a vaccine, but you can control things like washing your hands and wearing a mask,” Canter said. Similarly, kids may not be able to control when, say, soccer starts up again, but they can schedule Zoom hangouts with their teammates. And so on.
And here is something parents can control, to a certain extent: They can model the type of resiliency and self-care they hope to see in their children. That means parents need to find ways to take care of themselves.
“If I expect them to be calm and handle this really not normal situation, well, I probably need to express my own emotions appropriately,” Ehrenreich-May said.
Stolberg agreed, suggesting that parents follow a healthy sleep routine, eat nutritious food, avoid caffeine and alcohol, exercise outside if it’s safe to do so and stay connected to people, even if it’s digitally. He also recommended mindfulness exercises, such as breathing, meditation and yoga.
“You cannot be your best parent if you are not healthy and mentally prepared for the job,” he said.
At the end of the day, it’s not about pretending everything is totally OK. It’s about modeling emotional intelligence yourself and trying to show your kiddo how to live with uncertainty, while also trying to make the best of this unprecedented time.
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My Two Cents:
Go for counselling together
Parent-child counselling sessions are gaining popularity due to their many advantages. It is a program designed to help improve the relationship between parents and their children. These programs are beneficial and can help you support your child’s emotional health in the long run. They are especially important for those parents who find it difficult to get their children to open up and talk about their feelings.
As a parent, attending sessions can help you learn new skills to support your child’s mental health. A counsellor or therapist will start by observing how you interact with your child. Then they can suggest ways to improve your interactions. After attending the session, you can arrive home safely after reading more info here and without any worry of your child experiencing extra stress since you are equipped with how to handle any situation. You will know how to enhance how you communicate, solve problems better and understand your parental boundaries.
Sara Serrano who is a Community Outreach Manager for AdditionResource.net contacted me to see if I would be interested in sharing their company information on the Organizations Who Can Help page on Looking for the Light. After reading more about the company I was happy to include AddictionResouce.net to the list. The more resources available the greater the chances you will find a resource when time may be of the essence.
Sara shared some thoughts on why AddictionResouce.net
It’s difficult to find reliable information on addiction and rehabilitation on the internet, so we created a site that provides up-to-date, accurate, and evidence-based information related to addiction, substance abuse, mental health, and treatment.
The facilities chosen for our Top 10 lists are put through strict criteria during examination, which you can find on our “How We Choose” page. No facility can submit themselves or pay to be on a list.
Topics are selected based on research, which tells us what our audience may be looking for, which types of addiction individuals across the nation may be facing, and which types of treatment may be most helpful and effective.
My mission is to build a comprehensive resource for people to turn too for contact information for all types of resources across the board in one easy to find location.
You might have noticed something different about someone close to you recently. Perhaps they seem a little more closed off than usual, or maybe you’re just noticing that things they used to enjoy, don’t seem to do it anymore. It could be any number of things, but if you know that life is getting them super stressed lately, this is probably the answer. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some of the things that you can do to help someone close to you deal with stress.
The first thing that we think you should do is offer to listen. Sometimes, people who are suffering with stress just need to talk about what they are feeling. Often, coming up with a solution to help someone who is stressed out won’t be possible, especially seeing as a lot of the causes are things that they don’t always have the power to change. Of course, if they can change them, then you should absolutely suggest that they do. However, it is far more important that you listen to what they have to say and make them feel heard, rather than offering advice. You will often find that they know what they should do, but they still need to speak to someone about the way they are feeling. Be that person for them. Offer them your shoulder.
Find What Helps Them
While it may not always be possible to get rid of the thing that is stressing them out, you can still help them by finding the things that help them cope with stress better. For example, you could get them into sport of some kind and do it together. Or, you could look into some herbal remedies that may help reduce the stress and purchase some weed pipes to make the experience a bit better. It really depends on what the person close to you finds relaxing. You’ve just got to remember that not everything is going to work, so don’t get too frustrated when you’re going through the trial and error phase.
Finally, you should never make fun of the problems that somebody is experiencing. This is harsh, and it will make them go into a shell and never want to speak to anyone about their issues again. Don’t try to make light of the situation. Don’t tell them that they are overreacting. Don’t compare their life to yours and tell them why they shouldn’t be stressed. None of this is going to be helpful. Just be supportive, that is what they need the most.
Hopefully, now you understand some of the things that you can do to help those close to you deal with stress. It’s a hard thing to cope with at the best of times, and if it’s getting too much for them, you need to support them as much as you can. It’s going to be difficult for them to admit, so be patient, and above all, be kind.
Here we are two weeks in to 2021 and I haven’t written a post about New Years resolutions. It’s simple, I don’t make resolutions. Years ago I realized that at some point in the year my resolutions had gone by the wayside and or were not important any more.
Instead of resolutions, I set goals. The reason this works for me is that goals are fluid and so is life. I didn’t approach my resolutions like goals and that is one reason I would find myself disappointed several months into the year with a list of items that were no longer relevant. Setting resolutions always felt like a Wish List not an action plan.
I like to spend time during the last month of the year reflecting on what I’ve learned, what did I accomplish and determine if my goals are still valid. Validity is just as important as having goals and sometimes they are no longer relevant as you grow as a person.
If you have a goal, you have to take repetitive actions to get to the end result. If your actions on a daily basis don’t support/reinforce your goals you will not reach your destination. If you find yourself not taking action on a goal, chances are it’s time to evaluate why you made it in he first place and is it really important.
How do you take the lessons learned in 2020 and turn them into an action plan that will carry for you through 2021 with success?
Too many of us struggle to achieve a body ideal that’s just not obtainable by humans. It’s time to redefine what’s good, healthy and attractive on our own terms, say writers (and sisters) Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski.
The Bikini Industrial Complex. That’s our name for the $100 billion cluster of businesses that profit by setting an unachievable “aspirational ideal,” convincing us that we can and should — indeed we must — conform with the ideal, and then selling us ineffective but plausible strategies for achieving that ideal. It’s like old cat pee in the carpet, powerful and pervasive and it makes you uncomfortable every day but it’s invisible and no one can remember a time when it didn’t smell.
Let’s shine a black light on it, so you can know where the smell is coming from. You already know that basically everything in the media is there to sell you thinness — the shellacked abs in ads for exercise equipment, the “one weird trick to lose belly fat” clickbait when all you wanted was a weather forecast, and the “flawless” thin women who fill most TV shows. The Bikini Industrial Complex, or BIC, has successfully created a culture of immense pressure to conform to an ideal that is literally unobtainable by almost everyone and yet is framed not just as the most beautiful, but the healthiest and most virtuous.
But it’s not just magazine covers, ads and other fictions that get it wrong. The body mass index (BMI) chart and its labels — underweight, overweight, obese, etc. — were created by a panel of nineH individuals, seven of whom were “employed by weight-loss clinics and thus have an economic interest in encouraging use of their facilities,” as researchers Paul Ernsberger and Richard J Koletsky put it.
You’ve been lied to about the relationship between weight and health so that you’ll perpetually try to change your weight. But listen: It can be healthier to be 70 or more pounds over your medically defined “healthy weight” than just five pounds under it. A 2016 meta-analysis in The Lancet medical journal examined 189 studies, encompassing nearly four million people who never smoked and had no diagnosed medical issues. It found that people labeled “obese” by the CDC have lower health risk than those the CDC categorized as “underweight.” The study also found that being “overweight” according to the CDC is lower risk than being at the low end of the “healthy” range as defined by the US federal government and the World Health Organization.
Another meta-analysis even found that people in the BMI category labeled “overweight” may live longer than people in any other category, and the highest predictable mortality rate might be among those labeled “underweight.” Taking it further, newer research is suggesting that doctors warn their middle-aged and older patients against losing weight, because the increasingly well-established dangers of fluctuations in weight outweigh any risk associated with a high but stable weight.
Authors (from left) Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Photo: Paul Specht.
Our culture has primed us to judge fat people as lazy and selfish. And it goes deep. Amelia conducts a children’s choir, and she has to teach her kids to breathe. At ten, eight, even six years old, they already believe that their bellies are supposed to be flat and hard, so they hold their stomachs in. You can’t breathe deeply, all the way, without relaxing your abdomen, and you can’t sing if you can’t breathe. So Amelia has to teach children to breathe.
Please: Relax your belly. It’s supposed to be round. The BIC has been gaslighting you.
We’re not saying the people or companies that constitute the BIC are out to get you. Frankly, we don’t think they’re smart enough to have created this system on purpose. But they recognize there’s money to be made by establishing and enforcing impossible standards.
We all encounter the BIC every day. So how can we make it through the fray?
One strategy: Play the “new hotness” game.
When we reconstruct our own standard of beauty with a definition that comes from our own hearts and includes our bodies as they are right now, we can turn toward our bodies with kindness and compassion. Well, easier said than done.
Amelia is vain about pictures of her conducting, in which she inevitably has her mouth wide open and her hair is a sweaty wreck. Emily watches herself on TV and worries that her chin is too pointy because one time, somebody said it was. (We are identical twins.)
Neither of us has ever had the skinny proportions of a model, and we watched our mom — who was model-thin before she gestated two seven-pound babies at the same time — look at her reflection in mirrors and cry at what she saw there. What she saw there is very much like what we see in our own reflections now.
Which is why we play the “New Hotness” game, a way to let go of body self-criticism and shift to self-kindness. One day, Amelia was at a fancy boutique, trying on gowns for a performance. Attire for women conductors is hard to find: solid black with long sleeves, formal yet not frumpy is an unlikely combination. Finding all of this in her size is even more difficult.
She tried on a dress that looked so amazingly good she texted Emily a dress selfie, with a caption paraphrasing Will Smith in Men in Black II: i am the new hotness.
And now “new hotness” is our texting shorthand for looking fabulous without reference to the socially constructed ideal. We recommend it. It’s fun.
Maybe you don’t look like you used to, or like you used to imagine you should, but how you look today is the new hotness. Even better than the old hotness.
Saggy belly skin from that baby you birthed? New hotness.
Gained 20 pounds while finishing school? New hotness.
Skin gets new wrinkles because you lived another year? New hotness.
Hair longer or shorter, or a different color or style? New hotness.
Mastectomy following breast cancer? New hotness.
Amputation following combat injury? New hotness.
The point is, you define and redefine your body’s worth, on your own terms. It’s not necessary to turn toward your body with love and affection — love and affection are frosting on the cake of body acceptance, and if they work for you, go for it. But all your body requires of you is that you turn toward it with kindness and compassion, again and again, without judging all your contradictory emotions, beliefs and longings.
No doubt after you finish reading this, you will go out into the world and notice the diversity of bodies around you. And you will still have reflexive thoughts about the people who don’t conform to the aspirational ideal, envious thoughts about the people who do, or self-critical thoughts about the ways the world tells you that you fall short. And then you might even have emotional reactions to your emotional reactions: “Darn it, I shouldn’t think that!”
Change happens gradually. Your brain has been soaking in the BIC for decades; any time you step outside your door, you’re back in it; any time you turn on a TV, you’re back in it; and any time you put clothes on, you’re back in it. Just notice it, as you’d notice a fleck of dust floating through the air. Smile kindly at the mess. And know what’s true: Everyone is the new hotness. You are the new hotness. So is she. So are they. So are we.
Emily Nagoski is the author of “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life.” She has a PhD in health behavior with a minor in human sexuality from Indiana University, and a MS in counseling, also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute sexual health clinic. A sex educator for 20 years, she is the inaugural director of wellness education at Smith College.
Amelia Nagoski holds a DMA in conducting from the University of Connecticut. An assistant professor and coordinator of music at Western New England University, she regularly presents educational sessions for professional musicians discussing the application of communications science and psychological research, including “Beyond Burnout Prevention: Embodied Wellness for Conductors.”
This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.
Have you ever tried to fix an ongoing lack of energy by getting more sleep — only to do so and still feel exhausted?
If that’s you, here’s the secret: Sleep and rest are not the same thing, although many of us incorrectly confuse the two.
We go through life thinking we’ve rested because we have gotten enough sleep — but in reality we are missing out on the other types of rest we desperately need. The result is a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired and chronically burned-out individuals. We’re suffering from a rest deficit because we don’t understand the true power of rest.
Rest should equal restoration in seven key areas of your life.
The first type of rest we need is physical rest, which can be passive or active. Passive physical rest includes sleeping and napping, while active physical rest means restorative activities such as yoga, stretching and massage therapy that help improve the body’s circulation and flexibility.
The second type of rest is mental rest. Do you know that coworker who starts work every day with a huge cup of coffee? He’s often irritable and forgetful, and he has a difficult time concentrating on his work. When he lies down at night to sleep, he frequently struggles to turn off his brain as conversations from the day fill his thoughts. And despite sleeping seven to eight hours, he wakes up feeling as if he never went to bed. He has a mental rest deficit.
The good news is you don’t have to quit your job or go on vacation to fix this. Schedule short breaks to occur every two hours throughout your workday; these breaks can remind you to slow down. You might also keep a notepad by the bed to jot down any nagging thoughts that would keep you awake.
The third type of rest we need is sensory rest. Bright lights, computer screens, background noise and multiple conversations — whether they’re in an office or on Zoom calls — can cause our senses to feel overwhelmed. This can be countered by doing something as simple as closing your eyes for a minute in the middle of the day, as well as by intentionally unplugging from electronics at the end of every day. Intentional moments of sensory deprivation can begin to undo the damage inflicted by the over-stimulating world.
The fourth type of rest is creative rest. This type of rest is especially important for anyone who must solve problems or brainstorm new ideas. Creative rest reawakens the awe and wonder inside each of us. Do you recall the first time you saw the Grand Canyon, the ocean or a waterfall? Allowing yourself to take in the beauty of the outdoors — even if it’s at a local park or in your backyard — provides you with creative rest.
But creative rest isn’t simply about appreciating nature; it also includes enjoying the arts. Turn your workspace into a place of inspiration by displaying images of places you love and works of art that speak to you. You can’t spend 40 hours a week staring at blank or jumbled surroundings and expect to feel passionate about anything, much less come up with innovative ideas.
Now let’s take a look at another individual — the friend whom everyone thinks is the nicest person they’ve ever met. It’s the person everyone depends on, the one you’d call if you needed a favor because even if they don’t want to do it, you know they’ll give you a reluctant “yes” rather than a truthful “no”. But when this person is alone, they feel unappreciated and like others are taking advantage of them.
This person requires emotional rest, which means having the time and space to freely express your feelings and cut back on people pleasing.Emotional rest also requires the courage to be authentic. An emotionally rested person can answer the question “How are you today?” with a truthful “I’m not okay” — and then go on to share some hard things that otherwise go unsaid.
If you’re in need of emotional rest, you probably have a social rest deficit too. This occurs when we fail to differentiate between those relationships that revive us from those relationships that exhaust us. To experience more social rest, surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Even if your interactions have to occur virtually, you can choose to engage more fully in them by turning on your camera and focusing on who you’re speaking to.
The final type of rest is spiritual rest, which is the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose. To receive this, engage in something greater than yourself and add prayer, meditation or community involvement to your daily routine.
As you can see, sleep alone can’t restore us to the point we feel rested. So it’s time for us to begin focusing on getting the right type of rest we need.
Editor’s note: Fatigue can also be associated with numerous health problems, so please get checked out by your physician if it persists.
Saundra Dalton-Smith MD is a physician, researcher and the author of the book “Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity.” Her work has been featured by Fast Company, FOX, MSNBC and Psychology Today. Learn more at DrDaltonSmith.com or by following her on Instagram (@DrDaltonSmith) or LinkedIn (Linkedin.com/in/drdaltonsmith).
Looking for the Light 