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Sep 15, 2021 / David Burkus PhD

Nata Schepy

This post is part of TED’s “How to Be a Better Human” series, each of which contains a piece of helpful advice from people in the TED community; browse through all the posts here.

For leaders at any level, the single best way to grow is to lead and then get feedback. It is to act and interact with your team and learn what can be improved upon through feedback. Feedback is a better teacher than books, academic journal articles, trainings, speeches and even TED Talks.

And I say this as a writer who translates research from academic journal articles while giving trainings, speeches and TED Talks.

After you reach a more senior role, people tend to minimize any unpleasant or less-than-positive feedback or don’t want to offer you any constructive criticism at all.

But there’s a problem with receiving feedback once you reach a more senior role. The nature of feedback changes — people tend to minimize any unpleasant or less-than-positive feedback or don’t want to offer you any constructive criticism at all. And your response to feedback may also change; you may not internalize feedback because you don’t see the whole picture or you could get defensive.

Here, I’ll outline four steps you can take to get better at receiving feedback in order to grow as a leader and grow as a team.

Step #1: Start with thank you

The very first response to give when someone gives you feedback should be a response of gratitude. Don’t get defensive. Don’t offer to explain what they might not understand. And don’t even jump further into what you should change (we’ll get there). Instead, take time to offer your thanks for the gift you just received — the gift of feedback.

While feedback is a gift, it’s even more so a risk. When a team member speaks up to offer you feedback, they’re taking a risk with how you’ll respond. 

Why should you do this? Because while feedback is a gift, it’s even more so a risk. When a team member speaks up to offer you their feedback, especially critical or constructive feedback, they’re taking a risk with how you’ll respond. They’re risking potential damage to the relationship or retaliation. Or they’re risking wasting their time by giving feedback to someone who won’t receive it. Starting with “thank you” lets the other person know that risk was worth it and you will listen.

Step #2: Restate what you heard

Whether it’s praise, criticism or some other type of feedback, take the time to restate to the person giving it what you heard them say. Just a quick “What I hear you saying is _____” can have a powerful effect on your conversation.

Restating their feedback lets them know that their opinion matters and makes it more likely you’ll get additional feedback in the future from this person. 

Restating the feedback does two things. The first is that is checks your own understanding of the message, so you don’t risk taking in the wrong lessons. But more importantly, restating the feedback you heard allows the other person to feel heard. 

It lets them know you were really listening and — just like the first step — that this conversation isn’t a waste. It lets them know that their opinion matters and makes it more likely you’ll get additional feedback in the future from this person (and anyone else they talk to about this conversation).

Step #3: Mention what you’re changing

Listening to feedback by alone doesn’t bring about growth; it’s only when feedback is used to figure how to act differently (or start or stop acting) that growth actually happens. And if you’re going to be making changes as a result of the feedback, why not share those changes with the person or people who helped you discover what changes to make?

Once you’ve figured out how to apply feedback, be sure to share it with those who gave it. 

However, you don’t need to tell those who give you feedback what you’re changing right away. It’s OK to circle back later on, re-thank them for their feedback, and then mention what you’re changing. But once you’ve figured out how to apply feedback, be sure to share it with those who gave it.

Step #4: Seek out more feedback

Feedback isn’t a one-and-done intervention; it’s a process. You’re growing, changing and improving all the time — and to do that you’ll need more feedback. 

So make sure you’re developing a habit of seeking out more feedback. When you finish stating what you’ll be changing, ask if you can set a date with that person or group to re-evaluate how the change is going.

Not only will you get better at receiving feedback over time, but people will also feel more comfortable giving it to you. 

This does two things. First, it will guarantee more feedback at a later date. But more importantly, it will signal how open you truly are to receiving feedback and make it more likely you get unsolicited feedback at any time. And unsolicited feedback from those you trust is often the most potent.

Feedback is an ongoing process, and it may be difficult the first or second time you’re in a feedback conversation to meaningfully hit all four steps. But it will get easier over time. Not only will you get better at receiving feedback, but people will also feel more comfortable giving it to you. 

This article originally appeared on DavidBurkus.com and has been adapted with the author’s permission.

Watch his TEDxUniversityofNevada Talk here:

https://embed.ted.com/talks/david_burkus_why_you_should_know_how_much_your_coworkers_get_paid

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Burkus PhD is an organizational psychologist and bestselling author of five books, including Leading from Anywhere: Unlock the Power and Performance of Remote Teams.

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There’s a lot you can do, in the day-to-day alone, to try and make yourself feel better. For both your mental and physical health’s sake, knowing you can keep your house clean and tidy is a big thing. As a result, you can feel happier, and you can feel healthier (or even alleviate your pain symptoms), and that can really improve your quality of life. But why does a clean house make you feel so much better? Well, here are the main reasons. 

Cleaning can help to keep you on your feet, and make sure you’re moving on a daily basis – even if you don’t consider it a form of exercise, it’s definitely a good way to keep your legs and arms moving, and your muscles supple, if you’re someone who can’t exercise in a traditional manner. 

Being active in a manner like this is also very productive; you’ll be killing two birds with one stone! You could burn almost 200 calories per hour while cleaning, and also make your space look a lot more organized, which is good for your mental health too. 

The air quality in your home needs to be of good quality, to make sure you’re not coughing on a daily basis, and you’re not feeling stuffy in your nose or your throat. Poor air quality can make any and all chronic conditions you’re already living with worse, especially if you have a respiratory issue. 

When the house is clean and tidy, there are far fewer dust particles in the air. Even getting a proper airflow through your home, by opening windows and turning on the AC, is a great idea. Fresh air is very good for you! 

Indeed, if your central air and heating systems don’t seem to be able to crank it up to high enough levels, it’s a good idea to look into HVAC Repair for your home. There’s a good chance you have a blockage or a breakage somewhere, and that’s going to be hard to fix on your own. 

You’ll Sleep Much Better

For anyone who lives with insomnia, or has a lot of trouble falling asleep thanks to chronic pain, even just making your bed in the morning can mean you get some much better sleep during the night. 

Regularly changing your bedding, and making sure you have a new mattress every 8 years at the least, can help to lower your pain levels and make you feel more comfortable when you climb into bed at night. 

And sleeping better makes taking care of yourself a lot easier too. If you’re rested, and you’re not feeling tired on a permanent basis, you’ll feel a lot more secure and comfortable in yourself. Getting more, better sleep really is a life-changer, and a lot of it is due to a clean house. 

A clean house really can make you feel better, in a variety of ways! 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

CBD continues to gain in popularity and interests an increasingly wide target. Whether it is to promote relaxation, or even to relieve pain (whether neurological or biological), CBD is today in the limelight. To meet these new expectations, and everyone’s desire to test its virtues, CBD comes in all forms! Among them, cbd is widely acclaimed. Oil as a food supplement or massage oil, each of them has undeniable virtues. Orally, it relieves the ailments of the body. Used in massage, it relieves the joints, muscles but also skin problems. But how do you know which one to use? Are there different types of oils? Let’s discover together the different existing compositions and their manufacturing processes.

The benefits of CBD continue to be recognized around the world. Its miraculous properties now make it possible to provide an alternative and natural solution to a wide audience. Used for well-being, comfort, or even aesthetic purposes, CBD oil is the most popular form because it can be used in multiple ways. This format also promotes rapid absorption in the body.

What are the different ways of extracting CBD oil? 

To produce CBD oil, it is necessary to extract this cannabinoid from the hemp plant. There are different extraction methods for this. Among the best known we find in particular:

CO2 extraction – Although expensive, it is the extraction method most used by manufacturers because it allows absolute control. This natural gas which is CO2 indeed allows to precisely control the heating temperature and thus ensures to keep all the benefits of CBD once extracted.

Oil extraction – Oil extraction is another alternative, which is completely natural. During oil extraction, oils of different types (animal, vegetable, or mineral) are used, which are also heated. It is then filtered through the hemp plant in order to extract the CBD it contains in the process. This simple and natural process extraction must however be done without overheating so as not to risk altering the beneficial effects of CBD.

The benefits of CBD oil as a dietary supplement 

In the form of capsules or in the form of drops, CBD oil is a dietary supplement that is growing in popularity. We can therefore consume it as a single intake, or by integrating it into our culinary preparations – you can add it into smoothies or other drinks. When it is digested, its benefits will take a little longer to be felt but will act gradually over the long term. 

A massage oil also has interesting properties 

CBD oil is also a great ally when applied to the skin. CBD is great for strengthening hair and nails too! It also makes it possible to treat skin problems whether they are acne problems, eczema or another dermatitis, or various skin lesions. It deeply nourishes and reduces stains and other scars. Used for therapeutic purposes, it can also be applied in a localized manner to the areas that one wishes to treat to relieve painful joints, for example, or after exercise to soothe overworked muscles and soothe the pain.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

How do you know if your teen is suicidal? Most often they aren’t going to tell you or talk about it. If they do, will you understand and know how to help or know where to go for help?

I’m not a doctor and certainly don’t have all the answers but I was a teen on a one-way train down and made my first attempt at suicide as a pre-teen. Teens today have more pressure on them than I can imagine.

When I was that age there was no internet, People Magazine, Access Hollywood, cable, or presence on social media to make you feel extra pressure. Peer pressure was just that, peer pressure. Now pressure comes at teens from a 360-degree angle 24/7 if you don’t monitor their internet and phone activity.

As a proactive measure, I would talk with the school counselor to get an understanding of what types of issues teens are having. What have they’ve experienced and what do they suggest you do to help your teen proactively or if in trouble. Don’t think you have all the answers, you don’t.

If your teen is experiencing depression or is showing signs of anxiety, have them talk with a Therapist or at minimum your General Practitioner. If your doctor is of the opposite sex see if they have a Nurse Practitioner of the same sex to talk with. Often times teens will open up more if they think the person can relate to them. Teens may also share more if you give them the privacy, allow some time by themselves to talk more openly. 

If your teen is suicidal or attempts suicide get help at once. Call a suicide hotline and have your teen talk with someone who might be able to help them, even if temporarily until you can get further help. Worst case scenario, go to the local hospital for help.

Here are a few resources I found. 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teen-suicide/art-20044308

https://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/why-do-teens-commit-suicide-causes-of-teen-suicide

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-student-well-being/202009/america-is-facing-teen-suicide-pandemic

https://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/my-teen-daughter-died-suicide-here-s-what-i-wish-t113837

https://www.apa.org/topics/suicide/prevention-teens

One conversation is not the answer nor is being hyper-vigilant. Work to find a balance by having an open conversation by sharing your concerns, and let them know when you’ll follow up. Keep to your commitment.

At 12 years old, I came minutes away from dying from a suicide attempt. It was not my first or the last, just the most successful.

Communication and observation are the keys.

Melinda

Being organized can be an effective way to minimize stress and make your life easier. However, it can be tricky to know where to start, particularly if being organized isn’t a natural strong point. To help you to implement long-lasting changes, take a look at these five ways you can be more organized in life:

When you’re surrounded by too many things, it can be hard to relax and unwind but, equally, it can be difficult to focus and concentrate. To give yourself a productive environment and calm surroundings, start by decluttering your home. Donating, selling, or discarding the items you no longer need or want will allow you to free up space and make the most of your home. 

Most people own a car and yet few people are really proactive about the maintenance involved. From knowing when your insurance renewal is due to getting your vehicle serviced, there is a myriad of tasks involved. Start by making sure you have important contact numbers stored on your phone. From a recovery or towing service to your mechanic’s number and the contact details of your insurance company, you should have everything you need on your phone or written down, in case you need it when you’re on the road. Similarly, diarize your vehicle’s service and insurance renewal, so that you can book in advance and get the cheapest cover. 

When you make the best use of your time, you can get more done and increase your productivity levels. Employing a time management strategy can be an easy way to make positive changes in your life. With plenty of software and free apps available, you can take a digital approach to time management and make it work for you. 

People tend to assume that multitasking enables them to operate more efficiently but this is rarely the case. Instead, tasks often get left unfinished because you get distracted by something else, or errors are made because you’re not giving a particular job your full attention. Inevitably, this means that things actually take longer to get done. 

If you want to be more organized and more productive, stop multitasking and try focusing on one thing at a time instead. This allows you to give it your full attention and complete the task more quickly, before moving on to the next one. 

When you’re living a fast-paced life, it can be difficult to keep track of everything. From managing your kid’s social calendar to further your career or running a home, there are endless things to do. However, identifying your priorities can help to streamline your workflows and will ensure that the most important things are always done ahead of time. 

If you want to stay organized, be sure to use habits that are easy to replicate when you’re making your life more structured. Often, it’s the relatively small but sustainable changes that have the biggest impact, so be sure to use these to your advantage as you become more organized. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Many chronic pain patients have been told there is nothing wrong with them. I had that experience at my last Pain Doctor appointment.

About 12 months ago the pain in my hips was so bad I could only sleep for two hours at a time before I had to get out of bed. I was seeing a fairly new Pain Doctor at the time and he scheduled me for a steroid injection in the front of the hip. It made the pain worse. He then ran a CT Scan to see what was going on.

While I waited for the test results, I did some research and it sounded like Bursitis. So imagine my surprise when he tells me there is nothing wrong and I should talk with my Psychiatrist about why I can’t sleep. I about came off the table, what the hell was he saying?

After making it clear that my sleeping problems were due to pain and had nothing to do with my Psychiatrist, he suggested Physical Therapy. We wrapped up our appointment and he wrote another 30-day script for pain meds.

I was fuming! I was addicted to pain medication but there was no way I would see a doctor who insulted me that way. No doctor should ever tell a patient nothing is wrong with them.

After contacting my Orthopedic Doctor about the hip pain, he scheduled me for a steroid injection in the side of my hip. He said that all problems develop before they show up on an x-ray and that was probably my case. The shot worked for about six weeks, then I had to wait for three months to pass before he could give another injection. So now I’m scheduled for my third round of shots next month. They don’t last three months but it’s better than nothing.

Because my Fibromyalgia has not been flaring up, I decided to go off of pain meds and try to manage with Tylenol. Some days are diamonds, some days are rust. I also have painful leg muscle spasms, neuropathy, and TMJ. I will have to find another Pain Doctor and hope the third time is the charm.

I’m not being Polly Anne about my pain, it’s a BITCH! I just don’t think you want to read about it every week in a post.

Melinda

You only have to listen to the headlines or read the newspaper to see that anxiety levels are rising and a growing number of people are experiencing stress. In this guide, we’ll discuss some common causes of stress and anxiety and offer tips to help you cope. 

Unemployment is one of the most talked-about subjects at the moment, with many people losing their jobs or businesses and others struggling to hang on in theirs. Balancing the books is challenging at the best of times when you’re trying to manage a household or raise kids, but the pandemic has exacerbated difficulties and made staying in the black virtually impossible for some. If you’re experiencing financial strain, or you’ve lost your job, there is help out there. Don’t hesitate to seek advice about incentives or support measures that are available to you during the crisis and look for opportunities to increase your income if your workload is reduced or you’ve lost your job. From Forex Trading, to online courses,  blogging to temporary jobs, it’s possible to find solutions, even if they are only a short-term option to tide you over. It’s also beneficial to try and reduce spending on non-essential items and to budget to make your money stretch further and to find out about programs that could prevent you from getting into debt in the weeks ahead. Some companies are offering freezes on loan and credit card payments, for example. 

Relationships can make or break us. While some relationships lift our spirits and make us feel secure and content, others can have a negative impact. Break-ups are tough and it can take a long time to come to terms with the fact that you’re moving in a direction that is different from the one you expected to take. You might have envisioned spending your entire life with a partner, only to find that you’re now on your own. Take your time to process what has happened and to heal. Lean on the people closest to you and try to focus on the present, rather than the past. Often, relationships don’t work, and once you have a sense of perspective and time has passed, you realize that there was a good reason for parting. Let yourself feel and experience emotions and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get on with life, start dating or stop feeling upset about the situation. Move at your own pace. Everyone copes in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to deal with relationship breakdowns. 

Do you feel like you’re swimming against the tide, or do you dread the alarm going off every morning? It’s rare to find a job you enjoy every minute of every day, but work shouldn’t be a source of severe stress or anxiety. If you are feeling under pressure, or you’re struggling to switch off, talk to your boss about your workload, address issues that are getting to you and take some time out. It’s crucial to have a balance and to enjoy downtime. Learn to say no. If you’re already working too many hours without pay, or your to-do list is endless, don’t take on more work or sign yourself up for extra commitments after work. Rest, relax and look after yourself. 

Stress and anxiety are rife at the moment. If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. There are myriad causes, but help is available. Don’t hesitate to reach out and try and take care of yourself as best you can. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

You might have noticed something different about someone close to you recently. Perhaps they seem a little more closed off than usual, or maybe you’re just noticing that things they used to enjoy, don’t seem to do it anymore. It could be any number of things, but if you know that life is getting them super stressed lately, this is probably the answer. In this article, we’re going to be looking at some of the things that you can do to help someone close to you deal with stress.

The first thing that we think you should do is offer to listen. Sometimes, people who are suffering with stress just need to talk about what they are feeling. Often, coming up with a solution to help someone who is stressed out won’t be possible, especially seeing as a lot of the causes are things that they don’t always have the power to change. Of course, if they can change them, then you should absolutely suggest that they do. However, it is far more important that you listen to what they have to say and make them feel heard, rather than offering advice. You will often find that they know what they should do, but they still need to speak to someone about the way they are feeling. Be that person for them. Offer them your shoulder.

While it may not always be possible to get rid of the thing that is stressing them out, you can still help them by finding the things that help them cope with stress better. For example, you could get them into sport of some kind and do it together. Or, you could look into some herbal remedies that may help reduce the stress and purchase some weed pipes to make the experience a bit better. It really depends on what the person close to you finds relaxing. You’ve just got to remember that not everything is going to work, so don’t get too frustrated when you’re going through the trial and error phase.

Image Credit – CC0 Licence

Finally, you should never make fun of the problems that somebody is experiencing. This is harsh, and it will make them go into a shell and never want to speak to anyone about their issues again. Don’t try to make light of the situation. Don’t tell them that they are overreacting. Don’t compare their life to yours and tell them why they shouldn’t be stressed. None of this is going to be helpful. Just be supportive, that is what they need the most.

Hopefully, now you understand some of the things that you can do to help those close to you deal with stress. It’s a hard thing to cope with at the best of times, and if it’s getting too much for them, you need to support them as much as you can. It’s going to be difficult for them to admit, so be patient, and above all, be kind. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

When you have been involved in an accident, your physical well-being is understandably at the forefront of your mind. However, sometimes when you’ve been seriously hurt, you need a longer period of time to heal mentally as well as physically. Sometimes, even long after your body has healed and you’re back on your feet again, you may still be feeling the effects of your mental health. In these situations, you need to give yourself the time to recover, and here are some tips on how to cope mentally after a serious accident.

Talk about your fears

After a serious accident and injury, you may develop fears and anxieties around that particular situation. For example, if you nearly drowned from falling off a boat into choppy seawater, you may find that you’ve developed a fear of boats or deep water, and that’s completely understandable! Talk to your doctor or counselor about your fears, as they’ll be able to help you overcome these fears through therapy.

Gain some financial help

Being in an accident may cause you to be out of work for some time, and this can negatively affect your finances, causing you to fall into debt. Your mental health may be struggling to cope with these debts, and you may find yourself worrying about them often, causing you to lose concentration elsewhere. You can get financial help for many accidents such as an automobile accident by speaking to car crash lawyers to see if you’ve got a viable case. Alternatively, you could speak to a debt advisor about how you can reduce your debts with the budget you’re on.

Take time to discover the new you

If your accident has changed you physically, such as paralyzation of the legs or spine, you may be struggling to adapt to who you are now. Going through something like that is a major life change, and you need to take as much time as you need to discover the new you. This might mean taking some time away from work to work on yourself, or it might mean changing careers to something that you can enjoy.

Refrain from hiding away

It’s very common after an accident to hide away from the world due to anxiety about another accident lurking around the corner. The problem here is that the longer you leave returning to normal life, the harder it’s going to be to adapt. Be brave, take the step! There’s nothing wrong with taking extra precautions in your day-to-day life, just don’t avoid it altogether!

Use the support around you

Finally, after an accident, it’s very likely that your family and friends have rallied together to help you recover and then some, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for some extra help if you need it! You’ve just experienced a major event in your life, and you can’t be expected to bounce back straight away. Alternatively, you may be able to find support groups near you where you can talk about your experiences with people that have been through the same thing. Whatever you feel will help, reach out to it!

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or just plain down in the dumps, mindfulness may be a good option for you. It is an ancient practice that has been shown to reduce stress and promote well-being.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is defined as purposely focusing one’s awareness on the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. 

This should not be confused with meditation; mindfulness is merely a way to become more aware of yourself and your surroundings. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you will eventually find yourself carrying these habits into everyday activities such as cooking, 

Dao Drops Skinny Drops, listening to music, and even cleaning.

How To Practice Mindfulness

Observe your surroundings without judgment 

Without judgment simply means that you aren’t judging whether or not something is good or bad; you are merely observing what is there.

Accepting thoughts without judging them trains the brain not to react emotionally to thoughts that previously would have caused upset or distraction. This allows you to break free from automatic reactions that are no longer useful, freeing up previously used energy for unnecessary thought processes. 

In addition, mindfulness helps you to learn how to get out of “mental traps” by giving you the distance between stimulus and response instead of the immediacy that has been ingrained in people from years of conditioning.

Photo by Diego Madrigal from Pexels

The practice of mindfulness encourages you to observe your thoughts and emotions as they present themselves without judgment and with a desire to improve. This differs from people’s method of ruminating or worrying because those two behaviors can become cyclical and lead to habitual patterns that cause stress, anxiety, and depression. 

When practicing mindfulness, you are taking up your rightful position as an observer that has control over your brain function rather than being your brain function.

When you allow stressful thoughts and feelings to exist without judging them as good or bad, helpful or unhelpful, productive or unproductive, they tend to dissipate more easily on their own, so you can resume thinking about what’s most important right now.

Accept your feelings and bodily sensations 

Remember: These feelings might be uncomfortable, but they are there. Accept that you are feeling what you are feeling without trying to change it or push it away.

Even though mindfulness helps a person regulate their emotions better by creating more distance between stimulus and response, it is helpful not to ignore emotions that arise but rather to allow them to exist without necessarily reacting. 

Being watchful of your surroundings can help you learn how best to respond in a given situation while taking into consideration any impulses that may accompany emotional responses. One way this might manifest itself is through a greater focus on rationality rather than emotionality when making decisions. 

Photo by olia danilevich from Pexels

So as not to fall prey to gut instincts or instinctual urges from past conditioning, which have been proven over time by scientific research not always lead down the most optimal paths for positive outcomes.

It is important not to let thoughts turn into action without first evaluating their consequences carefully. The goal should be to empower oneself by changing behaviors that don’t align with core values while turning down the volume on less helpful impulsivity. 

Practicing mindfulness can help to reduce poor decision-making (such as excessive “night owl” behavior that stops the body from getting enough sleep) and increase emotional regulation when tempted with harmful or unhealthy impulses such as drugs, alcohol, and excessive buying. 

Mindfulness is a great way to maintain control over your life and make sure temporary feelings and emotions do not rule you in response to external stimuli.

Be in the present moment

Training the brain to be present in the present moment instead of thinking about the past or worrying about the future allows for a fuller life experience free from excessive stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. 

Mindfulness not only helps you become more aware, but it also provides an opportunity for gratitude and appreciation when you take time to enjoy everyday experiences. 

In this way, mindfulness may affect higher-order brain functions such as emotional regulation and empathy through changes in daily thought patterns that influence a person’s interactions with others.

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh from Pexels

Mindfulness allows you to make a shift from autopilot mode to manual control of your life. You can let go of unnecessary stress and anxiety while feeling calmer, more centered, and grounded in who you are as an individual rather than being swept away by uncontrolled thoughts and feelings that cloud your judgment or lead to reactionary behavior. 

By practicing mindfulness, you can take back the reins of your mind so that you may direct them toward activities that feel fulfilling and purposeful instead of engaging in unproductive psychological loops that cause regret.

This brings you back into the moment where mindfulness becomes easier because your mind is calmer and quieter than before. Although it is normal for emotions like anger to arise occasionally (and sometimes often), reacting impulsively generally does not lead people toward healthy long-term outcomes.

How Long Should One Practice Mindfulness?

By practicing mindfulness regularly for fifteen minutes each day, people can train themselves through daily self-monitoring to become more conscious of what they’re feeling at any given moment. 

This may be challenging at first because it requires you to turn off autopilot mode and be conscious of every choice you make instead of just letting life happen. However, it will become easier to be aware of your thoughts and feelings throughout the day with time.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

You will notice that once you begin practicing mindfulness on a regular basis, you will feel calmer throughout the day by simply observing what’s going on around you without reacting emotionally. 

You’ll find yourself more grounded at the moment instead of feeling stressed out about things left unresolved in the past or hazy uncertainties floating around in the future. You may even begin to see that some of your previously unproductive thought patterns are associated with certain people, places, or events that you had assumed were beyond your control.

How Do One Get Better At Being Mindful?

Being mindful isn’t something that you are born knowing how to do or not know how to do; it’s about practicing these three steps until they become second nature.

Mindfulness has various benefits for both physical and mental health.

The Benefits Of Mindfulness

Reduce Depression and Anxiety

Studies have shown that it can reduce blood pressure, improve immune function, reduce anxiety and depression symptoms, enhance emotional processing after a stressful event occurs, increase focus on tasks at hand rather than worrying about past experiences or future concerns.

Helps To Remain In The Moment

Mindfulness practices help individuals reduce their emotional reactivity to unpleasant life experiences and allows them to live in the present moment instead of stewing about things that have already happened or are likely to happen in the future.

Increases Focus

A study conducted with college students showed that practicing mindfulness led to better academic performance by increasing focus on coursework rather than worrying about grades or other external pressures that students may feel will determine how smart they are compared to others.

Helps To Remain In Control

Mindfulness is important for healthy individuals because they can use it as a coping mechanism in times of anxiety, stress, and sadness when they feel out of control.

Mindfulness Is For Everyone, But Might Not Be

Although mindfulness has these physical health benefits, it is important for people without any mental health problems to understand what types of situations would make them better candidates for mindfulness practices.

People In Stressful Environments

Those with mental health disorders or even normal individuals in high-stress situations may benefit the most from mindfulness exercises to help them cope with these intense life pressures.

Photo by Marcus Aurelius from Pexels

People In The Opposite Position

Although there are many benefits of mindfulness meditation, it is not necessary to practice this technique if a person does not feel like they need strategies to alleviate stress in their lives. For example, if someone’s job was not stressful but chose to practice mindfulness techniques anyway, that person would likely experience no benefits.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Alcohol can be incredibly addictive and many people find themselves struggling with managing how much they drink. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are generally the two terms that are used to describe someone who suffers from drinking too much.

Long term diseases

Every time you drink, you damage your body a little bit more. One of the better-known symptoms of alcohol abuse is damage to the liver. However, there is a lot of other damage that can be caused too. High blood pressure, stroke, and a range of cancers can come as part of an alcohol-destroyed body. There is hope though. Once you stop drinking, your body can begin to heal itself and your risk of suffering from these illnesses begins to reduce.

Legal issues

As an addict, you may not think twice about getting into your car and going for a drive while you are drunk. This is dangerous and illegal. If you end up with some drivers license suspensions because of your drinking, it might be a good time to have a look at how alcohol is affecting your life. You might need to ask yourself if you have a problem with the amount that you are drinking if you think you are in some sort of legal trouble.

Violence

Alcohol is known for lowering inhibitions so it is not surprising that someone who abuses alcohol may suffer from increased levels of violence towards themselves and others. When it comes to domestic violence, drinking is one of the main causes of violent outbursts, with 55% of incidents involving alcohol. These outbursts can result in you spending some time in prison and the pain of a loved one. Some of these incidents can result in the death of a loved one.

Mental health

We know that drinking can affect your body physically but it can also affect you mentally. When you abuse alcohol, you run the risk of becoming addicted. Drinking alcohol affects the neural pathways and can make it difficult to remember things. It is this effect on your body that can cause other issues such as violence and poor decision-making.

Long term

Every time you drink, you run the risk of developing various issues. However, these issues all add up and can cause a lifetime of pain. There is the physical pain of the diseases, the mental pain of the mental health issues, and the pain that you can cause others. Over time, these issues can destroy your relationships, give you a lot of legal issues, and can result in a shorter lifespan. 

All in all, you can see that drinking too much can have a negative impact on your life. So, before you go reaching for that bottle to help you cool off at the end of a hard day, ask yourself if it is worth it. If you feel that you are having issues, there are many organisations that help you manage your behavior and help get you back on the right track.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Living in constant pain can make you feel like you are alone and there is no one who can help or even understands what you are going through. Chronic pain conditions vary and each person living with chronic pain will have their own pain thresholds and triggers. At times, it may seem like there is nothing you can do, especially when traditional pain medication doesn’t have any effect. It is at times like this when people try other methods of medicating and having CBD preroll packaging on hand for alternative medication can be hugely beneficial.

For some, different types of pains and symptoms can be managed or even eradicated with a few changes to your diet. It may seem futile however if nothing else is working you have nothing to lose by trying. Adapt what you do during your day-to-day life to see if different things affect your pain level. For example, many chronic pain patients credit the sun and warmth for lowering their pain levels. For this reason, it could be worth looking into how you can increase your vitamin D intake and get more sun into your life.

Many people find adding exercise into their lives can help with certain types of pain. Working up slowly to adding beneficial exercise to your daily routine as and when you can help you to look after your body despite your pain levels. Yoga, pilates, and simple stretching exercise will help you to remain fit and supple and in some cases decrease your pain levels.

There is no scientific evidence that links drastic diet changes with the eradication of pain from chronic pain conditions. However, it is thought that certain types of foods can inflame the body in different ways making pain worse. From cutting out dairy to reduce additional IBS symptoms or abdominal pain to avoiding nightshade foods to reduce pain and inflammation for Fibromyalgia, arthritis, and more.

There have also been suggestions that eating clean and switching to a more plant-based diet can help control pain levels. While fatty and processed foods aren’t healthy for anyone when overconsumed, there is nothing to lose by changing up your diet and eating a more natural diet, and reducing your meat, specifically red meat intake.

Many chronic pain sufferers will all tell you that sleeping is a problem. It’s a vicious circle to be told you need to get more sleep yet sleep is elusive due to your pain. But by creating as relaxing a sleep environment as can help you to relax even if you can’t sleep. Your body repairs itself during sleep and getting good quality sleep remains important despite your health condition. 

Find your optimal sleeping temperature and noise level, try using a white noise app if you needed, and also use comfortable bedding. Set your limits for screen time and electronics and try to create a relaxing bedtime routine that indicates you are ready for sleep. This won’t always be possible but it is worth persevering to help you improve your sleep quality.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda 

 

IDEAS.TED.COM

Aug 23, 2016 / Guy Winch

Everyone is in favor of high self-esteem — but cultivating it can be surprisingly tough. Psychologist Guy Winch explains why — and describes smart ways we can help build ourselves up.

Many of us recognize the value of improving our feelings of self-worth. When our self-esteem is higher, we not only feel better about ourselves, we are more resilient as well. Brain scan studies demonstrate that when our self-esteem is higher, we are likely to experience common emotional wounds such as rejection and failure as less painful, and bounce back from them more quickly. When our self-esteem is higher, we are also less vulnerable to anxiety; we release less cortisol into our bloodstream when under stress, and it is less likely to lingerin our system.

But as wonderful as it is to have higher self-esteem, it turns out that improving it is no easy task. Despite the endless array of articles, programs and products promising to enhance our self-esteem, the reality is that many of them do not work and some are even likely to make us feel worse.

Part of the problem is that our self-esteem is rather unstable to begin with, as it can fluctuate daily, if not hourly. Further complicating matters, our self-esteem comprises both our global feelings about ourselves as well as how we feel about ourselves in the specific domains of our lives (e.g., as a father, a nurse, an athlete, etc.).  The more meaningful a specific domain of self-esteem, the greater the impact it has on our global self-esteem. Having someone wince when they taste the not-so-delicious dinner you prepared will hurt a chef’s self-esteem much more than someone for whom cooking is not a significant aspect of their identity.

Lastly, having high self-esteem is indeed a good thing, but only in moderation. Very high self-esteem — like that of narcissists — is often quite brittle. Such people might feel great about themselves much of the time but they also tend to be extremely vulnerable to criticism and negative feedback and respond to it in ways that stunts their psychological self-growth.

That said, it is certainly possible to improve our self-esteem if we go about it the right way. Here are five ways to nourish your self-esteem when it is low:

1. Use positive affirmations correctly

Positive affirmations such as “I am going to be a great success!” are extremely popular, but they have one critical problem — they tend to make people with low self-worth feel worse about themselves. Why? Because when our self-esteem is low, such declarations are simply too contrary to our existing beliefs. Ironically, positive affirmations do work for one subset of people — those whose self-esteem is already high. For affirmations to work when your self-esteem is lagging, tweak them to make them more believable. For example, change “I’m going to be a great success!” to “I’m going to persevere until I succeed!”

2. Identify your competencies and develop them

Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them.  

3. Learn to accept compliments

One of the trickiest aspects of improving self-esteem is that when we feel bad about ourselves we tend to be more resistant to compliments — even though that is when we most need them. So, set yourself the goal to tolerate compliments when you receive them, even if they make you uncomfortable (and they will). The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”). In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger.

4. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion 

Unfortunately, when our self-esteem is low, we are likely to damage it even further by being self-critical. Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism (which is almost always entirely useless, even if it feels compelling) with self-compassion. Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation (we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves) and direct those comments to yourself. Doing so will avoid damaging your self-esteem further with critical thoughts, and help build it up instead.

5. Affirm your real worth

The following exercise has been demonstrated to help revive your self-esteem after it sustained a blow: Make a list of qualities you have that are meaningful in the specific context. For example, if you got rejected by your date, list qualities that make you a good relationship prospect (for example, being loyal or emotionally available); if you failed to get a work promotion, list qualities that make you a valuable employee (you have a strong work ethic or are responsible). Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay (one to two paragraphs) about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost.

The bottom line is improving self-esteem requires a bit of work, as it involves developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits but doing so, and especially doing so correctly, will provide a great emotional and psychological return on your investment.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who is a leading advocate for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. His three TED Talks have been viewed over 20 million times, and his science-based self-help books have been translated into 26 languages. He also writes the Squeaky Wheel blog for PsychologyToday.com and has a private practice in New York City.

IDEAS.TED.COM

Apr 29, 2016 / Kate Torgovnick May

Emily Pidgeon

You don’t “find your calling,” you fight for it — and other lessons from people who found their passion (sometimes late in life).

Whether it was during a career aptitude test or in a heart-to-heart chat after getting laid off, chances are someone has talked to you about how to “find your calling.” It’s one of those phrases people toss about. But StoryCorps founder Dave Isay takes issue with it … specifically, the verb.

“Finding your calling — it’s not passive,” he says. “When people have found their calling, they’ve made tough decisions and sacrifices in order to do the work they were meant to do.”

In other words, you don’t just “find” your calling — you have to fight for it. And it’s worth the fight. “People who’ve found their calling have a fire about them,” says Isay, the winner of the 2015 TED Prize. “They’re the people who are dying to get up in the morning and go do their work.”

Over a decade of listening to StoryCorps interviews, Isay noticed that people often share the story of how they discovered their calling — and now, he’s collected dozens of great stories on the subject into a new book, Callings: The Purpose and Passion of Work. Below, he shares 7 takeaways from the hard-won fight to find the work you love.

1. Your calling is at the intersection of a Venn diagram of three things: doing something you’re good at, feeling appreciated, and believing your work is making people’s lives better. “When those three things line up, it’s like lightning,” Isay says. He doesn’t suggest that a person has to be a surgeon saving lives to feel like they have a calling; think of the diner waitress who talks to customers and makes them feel loved. How do you find this overlap? “You have to shut out all the chatter of what your friends are telling you to do, what your parents are telling you to do, what society is telling you to do,” Isay says, “and just go to that quiet place inside you that knows the truth.”

2. Your calling often comes out of difficult experiences. What lurks in that quiet place will be a defining experience — quite possibly a painful one. Isay points to an interview in Callings with 24-year-old teacher Ayodeji Ogunniyi. “He was studying to be a doctor when his father was murdered. He realized that what he was really meant to do was be a teacher,” says Isay. “He says that every time he walks into a classroom, his father is walking in with him.” This theme of people turning their hardest experiences into a new path runs throughout the book. “Having an experience that really shakes you and reminds you of your mortality can be a very clarifying event in people’s lives. Oftentimes, it leads to changes,” he says. “We spend a lot of time working, so it can really change your priorities in terms of work life.”

3. Calling often takes courage and ruffles feathers. Elsewhere in Callings, we hear about Wendell Scott, who became the first African-American NASCAR driver in 1952, and kept on driving despite threats against his life. From scientist Dorothy Warburton who dealt with extreme sexism as she conducted research to break the stigma around miscarriage. From Burnell Cotlon, who opened the first grocery store in the Lower 9th Ward after Hurricane Katrina because he wasn’t about to let his old neighborhood’s spirit fade. Calling, says Isay, very often starts with taking a stand against a status quo that simply isn’t acceptable, and then dedicating your work to changing it: “It’s work ignited by hope, love, or defiance — and stoked by purpose and persistence.”

4. Other people often nudge you toward calling. Sharon Long had worked odd jobs most of her life. As Isay tells it, “Her daughter was going to college, and as the bursar was helping them with financial aid forms, she said quietly to herself, ‘I wish I could’ve gone to college.’ The bursar responded, ‘It’s not too late.’” Sharon enrolled in an art program, and on her advisor’s suggestion, took forensic anthropology as her science. “The advisor suggested it for no other reason than he thought it was the easiest science course for the science requirement,” says Isay. “But the minute she sat in that class, it was boom — this is what she was meant to do.” Isay tells this story to illustrate how calling, while very personal, is also relational. “People bump you this way and that way,” he says, often without realizing it. “When people find their callings, they want to honor those people who helped them get there.”

5. What comes after identifying your calling is what really matters. The old ‘finding your calling’ phraseology makes it sound like a calling is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow — you find it, and the story’s over. But Isay stresses that your calling is an ongoing process. “Understanding what your calling is — that’s very different than the blood, sweat and tears of actually doing it,” he says. Pursuing a calling may require going back to school or apprenticing; it may require starting a business. Often, notes Isay, it leads a person into a line of work that’s in service of others. “This book is basically a love letter to nurses, teachers, social workers — the people who don’t often get celebrated for the work they do,” he says.

6. Age is irrelevant. Isay found his calling when he was 21 and interviewed a man who’d been part of the Stonewall riots. “The minute I hit record, I knew that being a journalist and interviewing people was what I was going to do for the rest of my life,” he says. “I feel very lucky that lightning struck when I was very young.” But collecting stories for the book reminded him that a calling can be discovered at any age. The book includes an interview with someone who knew they wanted to be an NBA referee at age 15, and another who worked as an accountant for 30 years before discovering his passion for slicing lox. “Doing the work you’re meant to do is one of the most satisfying, remarkable experiences that a person can have,” says Isay, “so never give up.”

7. Calling often doesn’t come with a big paycheck. Another trend Isay sees in stories of people who find their calling: they often involve leaving a high-paying job for one that’s lower-paying but more satisfying. “The message we send to young people is that you want to do as little work as you can to make as much money as you can — that’s the dream,” says Isay. “But the wisdom in the StoryCorps archive is that there’s another, much more rewarding dream of taking risks and working very hard to live with integrity.” In the end, that’s the lesson he took away from writing this book. “There are no millionaires, no billionaires, no celebrities, nobody with a big Twitter following,” he says. “Just stories can teach us a lot about lives fully lived.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kate Torgovnick May is a writer at TED.com. She can also solve a Rubik’s Cube in less than two minutes. Read more about her work at KateTorgovnickMay.com.

IDEAS.TED.COM

Aug 30, 2019 / Esther Wojcicki

iStock

If kids don’t feel trusted — or if there isn’t anyone close to them whom they can rely on — they can really suffer. Esther Wojcicki, an educator and mother of three superstar daughters, explains why trust is essential and how to build it in the young people in our lives.

Esther Wojcicki has inspired thousands of kids through her 35-year-and-counting career as a journalism and English teacher at Palo Alto High School in California. She and her husband, Stanley, have also raised three exceptionally accomplished daughters: Susan (YouTube CEO), Janet, a Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher), and Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andMe). So she knows quite a bit about helping young people grow into great grown-ups. Here, she writes about the critical importance of trust and how to cultivate it in children, starting at a very early age. 

All you need is one person, just one person who trusts and believes in you, and then you feel you can do anything. Unfortunately, a lot of children — like Michael, a former student of mine — don’t have even one person. Michael was an editor-in-chief of the Campanile, Palo Alto High School’s newspaper, in 2013, and his struggles represent those of many other young people.

For Michael, the pressures started early. “I had very strict parents,” he says. “They would tell me if I didn’t do well in school, I’d be homeless.” His early teachers weren’t very supportive either, and people misinterpreting his behavior and motivations became a common theme in his life. “I would get admonished,” he says, “by peers and educators telling me if I followed the rules and paid attention, of course I’d do better. It was almost part of my core being, to be this thing that was trodden on; everything I did turned into some kind of moral shortcoming.”

By the time he made it to my class, Michael described himself as “completely burned out like a pile of ash.” The school newspaper was the only thing he derived any meaning from, and still he could barely muster the will to show up. But he did. I got to know him as a bright but disconnected kid. He’d come into class and have no idea what he wanted to do or write about.

I’ve seen so many students like this — they’re afraid but they’re also rebellious. They’re not cooperative. They’re difficult, even aggressive, and it’s because every single one of them feels bad about themselves. They’re constantly trying to prove to themselves — and to others — that they’re better than everyone thinks, but they’re constantly scared they’ll fall short.

During one of our production nights, Michael was struggling with music theory homework. “I was exhausted, trying to figure out this assignment,” he says, “and I was half-assing it.” Other students teased him for struggling, and he thought to himself, as he often did, “That’s right, I can’t do it.” I saw what was happening, walked up to the kids, and said, “He’s taking longer because he’s smart.” I knew deep down that Michael wanted to get it right, not just rush through it.

This was the first time that Michael had heard an adult say his abilities and intelligence were seen and respected. “To hear outside confirmation that someone believed in me,” he says, “even in the presence of other students who didn’t — it was awesome. It helped me not to crumble.”

That day was a turning point for him. He started to trust himself and called on this newfound confidence during his undergraduate years whenever he encountered obstacles or someone told him he’d never make it. He went on to earn a degree in neuroscience at Johns Hopkins, where he’s now a neuropsychiatric researcher. He’d found his one person to believe in him by accident, and it made all the difference.

Parents and teachers can sometimes forget how important we are in the lives of our children. We have so much control we have in shaping their confidence and self-image. And it all starts with trust, with believing a child is capable, even through setbacks, surprises and all the complications that come with growing up.

Trust empowers kids, whether it’s in the classroom or in the world at large, and the process of developing trust starts earlier than you think. Infants who are securely attached to their parents — who feel they can trust and depend on them — avoid many behavioral, social, and psychological problems that can arise later. A child’s fundamental sense of security in the world is based on their caregiver being someone they can rely upon.

Remember, trust is mutual. The degree to which your children can trust you will become reflected in their own ability to trust. Studies show that children rated as less trustworthy by their teachers exhibit higher levels of aggression and lower levels of “prosocial behavior” such as collaborating and sharing. Distrust in children has also been associated with their social withdrawal and loneliness.

If we don’t feel trusted when we’re kids — or if there isn’t anyone close to us we can trust — we have difficulty getting over it. We grow up thinking we’re not trustworthy, and we accept it as a character trait. Like Michael, we become what we think we are, and we can suffer for it.

So how do we go about building trust in our children? We typically think of trust as handing our teenager the car keys and permitting them to drive on their own, or letting our 12-year-old stay home alone for the first time. But trust needs to start soon after kids are born.

Babies observe our every move as they learn how to get what they need from us. They know how to make us smile. They know how to make us cry. They may be dependent on us for everything, but they’re a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for. You need to respond to their needs, especially early on so they can feel you and their environment are trustworthy, but it’s also a fantastic time to start teaching your child some important lessons.

Many parents are operating from their own insecurities or doubts: Doesn’t their child need them? And if they don’t, what kind of parents are they? I firmly believe that you want your child to want to be with you, not to need to be with you.

This tension first arises with sleep. Your children can and will sleep on their own if you believe they can do it and if you teach them how. Kids learn to self-soothe, when given the opportunity, by sucking their thumbs, using pacifiers, or playing with toys. My daughters always had stuffed animals, and sometimes I’d wake up and find Susan talking to her teddy bear. Janet used to sing in bed. Because we’d built a relationship of trust, they learned they could entertain themselves and meet a lot of their own needs which meant that my husband and I got to sleep. A win-win.

As kids grow, they can be given more and more opportunities to build their own trustworthiness. The choices you make with your child will dictate the culture of your family. You always want to ask yourself whether you’re actively building trust in them or whether you’re shutting your child down. For young children, little achievements can build their trust and belief in themselves. They tie their own shoes, and it works! They put on their own clothes, and it works! They walk to school, and that works too! Through these small victories, they can see the tangible results of their efforts.

While you can’t always trust a small child to make intelligent choices, you can guide him in considering options and picking the best one. If I gave my nine-year-old grandson a lollipop and told him not to eat it, I know he still would. But if I explained why he shouldn’t eat it, that sugar isn’t healthy and might even give him cavities and that eating it before dinner will spoil his appetite, he could start to learn how to make better choices. OK, he might go ahead and eat the lollipop anyway, but as we work on these kinds of decisions over time, he would build the skills for living a healthy life and take care of himself.

Each age brings its own instances of trust. When my daughters were around 5, I’d ask them whether they were hungry and then I’d believe their answer. I did bring snacks with me in case they misjudged their hunger. If we were on a long car ride and they didn’t want to eat when we stopped for a meal, I’d explain we wouldn’t stop at another restaurant for several hours and I’d let them determine what to do. I trusted them with their eating decisions.

With teenagers, parents can cultivate trust in a series of steps. For instance, here is how I’d build trust with shopping, one of my favorite educational activities.

Step 1: The parent does everything, selecting and buying all items needed by a child.
Step 2: You trust your child to go with you to the store, and you allow them to make most of the purchasing decisions (giving kids a specific budget is a wonderful way to teach financial responsibility).
Step 3: You let your child gather the needed items on their own; the two of you meet at the registers at a set time and make the final purchases together.
Step 4: Once you’ve built a foundation of trust and taught your child how to be responsible with money, you can give them your credit card and let them shop on their own (many major credit cards allow you to add a minor as an authorized user). Of course, you’ll check the charges and teach them to verify the credit card statement with you at the end of the month.

Another way to gauge your teenager’s trustworthiness is by testing whether they make good on their word. They said they’d be home by 8 PM — were they? If they were late, did they call or text to tell you in advance? After they prove themselves trustworthy, increase their freedoms and responsibilities.

And if they still need to learn to come home on time, have a conversation about what went wrong and troubleshoot together for the next time. Some kids just have a hard time being on time, but don’t give up — give them more opportunities to learn. After all, time management is a skill that many adults lack, too.

If children aren’t empowered with trust and if they don’t feel trustworthy, they’ll have a very difficult time becoming independent. They won’t learn to trust and respect themselves. When we are fearful and hover over our children, they become afraid.

Excerpted from the new book How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki. Copyright © 2019 Esther Wojcicki. Used with permission from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

Watch her TEDxBerkeley 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Esther Wojcicki is an educator, journalist and mother of Anne (cofounder and CEO of 23andme), Susan (YouTube CEO), and Janet (Fulbright-winning anthropologist, pediatrics professor and researcher). A leader in blended learning and the integration of technology into education, she is the founder of the Media Arts programs at Palo Alto High School. Wojcicki serves as vice chair of Creative Commons and was instrumental in the launch of the Google Teachers Academy. She blogs regularly for Huffington Post and is coauthor of the book Moonshots in Education.

Many people can fall into a slump during the colder winter months when there is less sunlight and motivation is low, but there are some easy ways to lift your spirits.

A good way to raise yourself from a slump is to create a vision board. A vision board is a collection of images and keywords that you design and assemble on a large piece of paper, for example, which visualises your hopes and dreams for the future. Vision boards are motivational, particularly when you lose sight of what you are working for. They are equally beneficial for when life becomes a little monotonous.

Some ideas to include in a vision board are career aspirations, travel plans, and personal growth targets.

Making a vision board can calm your mind, as it taps into your creativity and helps you focus on your current action. Plus, seeing your finished work day after day is sure to encourage inspiration.

It’s important to reach out to friends, relatives, or companions when you are feeling low. Even if you are feeling cheerful, getting in contact with someone you have not spoken to in a while might raise their spirits without you even realizing it.

As we get older, we tend to get stuck in our daily routines and forget that life is about connections and relationships. Older adults can especially yearn for a chat, or for a helping hand, which is why Seniors Helping Seniors is an invaluable service.

‘Going for a run’ is easier said than done for a lot of us. Especially in the cold, wet weather, running can be a real drag. However, there are plenty of alternative sports and fitness activities that will make you forget you’re even exercising – you’ll be having that much fun.

For one, dancing is a great way to release energy and work up a sweat with a smile on your face. You don’t need a studio to let your hair down, dancing in your room is encouraged. Whack on your favorite tunes and spend 20 minutes to an hour moving about to the music.

If mobility is an issue for you, swimming is an excellent way to stay fit and prevent any muscle or joint discomfort.

Walking and power-walking is also another way to get your daily exercise without it seeming too strenuous. For those busy days, this activity can tie in with work or socializing, as you could schedule a walking meeting or catch-up. Or, if you need a break from everything, going for a solo walk is a sure way to clear your head. You could even find a scenic route and make a trip out of it, rather than just walking around the block.

A simple way to distract yourself from the winter blues is to have a giggle. So, get comfy and pick a comedy film or stand-up show you know you will like, and even if you can’t muster a belly laugh, just feeling yourself smile can brighten your mood.

There are also plenty of apps and old-school games that will have you rolling on the floor laughing with friends or family. For smartphone users, try Heads Up!, it’s like a digital version of charades that can be played anywhere. Or if you’re at home, a card game like Snap or Uno is sure to cheer you up.

Going to bed early is never more important than in the winter. Our wellbeing depends on us getting a decent amount of sleep. For some people that means 8 hours of shuteye, for others, it’s more. 

Find out what works for you, and go to bed at a time that allows for a full 8+ hours sleep until daybreak, so the sunrise works as a natural alarm clock. Seeing a full days-worth of sunlight can improve your mood dramatically. This is because catching the sun’s rays each day is associated with an increased level of serotonin in the body, a hormone that stabilizes our feelings of wellbeing. 

If you have considerable worries, or stress is getting on top of you. It’s a good idea to let out your thoughts and emotions either via pen or verbally with a counselor or therapist. Writing or talking about it can help you release negative feelings and therefore improve your wellbeing.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Quite a few people need to take a step back from working full-time. There are multiple reasons why this could be the case. Anxiety and other conditions could make having a formal job relatively difficult. You’ll still want to be productive and work, however.

That could feel like a catch-22 situation. It doesn’t have to be. Working from home can be an effective alternative option. Not only can you still be productive, but you can take things at a pace that suits you. Many of these will be freelance, so you can work as and when you want.

That could make freelancing an attractive option for many people. You’ll need to think about what kind of freelance jobs you can do. Thankfully, some are relatively easy to start. Once you gain more confidence with it, you can do more. You can even cut down on hours if you wanted.

Some come much better recommended than others.

Freelance Jobs That Shouldn’t Be Too Mentally Taxing

Writer/Editor

Writing has been one of the most popular freelancing jobs globally in the past few years. That’s driven by the wealth of different writing jobs you can get. While many people choose to blog, copywriting and online journalism have also been relatively common.

You’ll have to master a few skills for this. Thankfully, however, there are countless online resources available for you to do so. Some of the more notable of these revolve around search engine optimization, converting readers, and more.

With these roles, you’ll typically be hired by clients to work on specific content. These can range from email content to sales and marketing pages. Though compensation mightn’t be great at the start, you should see your income shoot up as you prove your worth.

Becoming a freelance editor is also an option, although you’ll typically need several years of experience before you can achieve this. With the position, you’ll work with writers to refine their content, among other duties.

Virtual Receptionist

You might assume that a receptionist will have to be based in an office. That doesn’t have to be the case. Companies like Virtual Headquarters have become known for providing many receptionist services to businesses. That’s made possible by various tools and software, which you could take advantage of.

A virtual receptionist is exactly what you think it is. They’re usually responsible for answering customer calls, scheduling appointments, and much more. Almost all of the duties you’d expect a typical receptionist to do, although it’s done from home. While there are some tasks that can’t be done this way, the majority of them can.

If you’re a people person, but would rather have little physical contact or avoid somewhat crowded places, then this could be the right role for you. 

eLearning Professional

Online learning has become quite popular in the past decade or so. That’s primarily driven by younger audiences who are more comfortable with technology than previous generations. The courses that people learn from need to be created by somebody. That could be you.

If you’re experienced or knowledgeable about a specific topic, then you could create an online course about it. To properly capitalize on this, however, you’ll need to have built up some kind of reputation surrounding a given topic. While that could complicate matters, it should be one of your only obstacles.

If you don’t want to create an online course, you could try coaching. That could revolve around wellness, finances, spirituality, or something else. Though you’ll still have to build a reputation for yourself, it could be a popular freelance job.

Web Developer

Web development has boomed over the past few decades, and it shows no sign of slowing down. Coders and programmers, alongside designers, have been some of the more popular freelancing jobs in this sector. If you’re good with technology and have an eye for detail, then this could be up your alley.

Small businesses and entrepreneurs will need websites just as much as international brands. These smaller companies can often be easier to work with, as they’ll typically only need short, one-off jobs. That could make them much more stress-free than working with larger firms.

When you’re first starting, that could be a recommended approach.

Dropshipping

If you’ve already considered freelancing jobs, then you might have thought about selling products online. The thought of finding a supplier and manufacturer for your products, alongside figuring out the rest of the supply chain, could be too overwhelming. There’s a way around this, however.

Dropshipping is the act of selling products on behalf of other companies. As an online retailer, you can set up a website filled with products from different manufacturers. When someone places a purchase through your website, the manufacturer or supplier fulfills the order.

You then get a portion of the sale. There is a lot of competition here, however, and profits can be relatively low. If you’ve proven yourself good enough, you could make a sizable income.

Affiliate Marketing

Similar to dropshipping, affiliate marketing is a great way to sell products online without worrying about logistics. You’ll need to have a well-trafficked website or popular social media channels to properly take advantage of this, however.

Affiliate marketing involves inserting ads into your content or otherwise advertising another company’s product. If someone purchases the product through your link, you’ll get a percentage of the sale.

To make a decent income with this, you’ll need to know how to properly advertise your content. If you don’t have a decent following online, then this mightn’t be the option for you.

Wrapping Up

Full-time employment, especially in an office environment, can be difficult for many people. That can make freelancing jobs much more attractive. Since you can set your hours and work from home, there’s a lot less stress involved. If you’re tempted, they will take some effort to get off the ground.

Once you’ve done that, however, you shouldn’t have too much of an issue managing your workload. That balance can make your life much less stressful while letting you work on your mental health.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

The world of entrepreneurship can be stressful. This is because so many responsibilities come with starting and running your own business. This is why it’s essential to take care of yourself, so you don’t burn out or get sick! In this post, we’ll talk about four ways entrepreneurs can reduce stress while working.

Get Enough Sleep Everyday

You can’t be productive if you’re exhausted, so make sure you get enough sleep every night. If you have trouble falling asleep at night or staying asleep through the night, there are many ways to help with that too! For example, try making your room darker by covering any lights and using an eye mask. Also, avoiding caffeine before bed will give your body a chance to calm down for sleep time. Try meditation as well – it’s excellent for reducing stress levels and helping with insomnia. So remember: getting proper rest will lower your stress levels throughout the day because of increased energy during waking hours!

Ensure Your Family is Taken Care Of 

When you’re an entrepreneur, it’s easy to put your family on the back burner. But remember: they are the ones who support and motivate you! So if possible, make sure that there is always someone home with your kids in case of emergency – or even better yet, hire a babysitter so you can be able to work when needed! It will reduce any stress caused by worrying about them constantly while working. Also, try not to bring work home with you because everyone suffers from lower moods due to tension. Also, ensure your family is taken care of if something happens to you; for appropriate life insurance, look at these PHP Agency reviews. This will not only give you peace of mind, but it will also guarantee your family will be taken care of for the foreseeable future. 

Hire An Assistant

It might seem unnecessary to hire an assistant, but if you’re struggling with managing your time or can’t seem to find enough hours in the day, it is something worth considering. An assistant will take care of all those little tasks that are eating up your valuable time! For example- they could help schedule meetings and travel arrangements; answer emails while you’re away from the office; organize files and paperwork; even research new possible collaborations for future projects – there’s a lot that someone like this can do to make your life easier! So remember: hiring an assistant might be precisely what you need to reduce stress around work.

Set Some Time Apart for Yourself 

Sometimes you might feel like your schedule is so complete that there’s no time for yourself. However, to do a good job and be productive throughout the day, it is imperative to set some time aside for yourself! For example: go sign up at the gym after work; take an evening walk with your spouse or partner; try cooking dinner together on Saturday- there are many ways you can get creative when deciding how to spend this time! So remember- even though entrepreneurship can be stressful sometimes – finding fun things to do outside of work will help reduce stress levels overall because of happier moods during waking hours.

In conclusion, entrepreneurship can be highly stressful at times. However, there are many ways you can reduce stress while working – such as getting enough sleep every night, ensuring your family is taken care of, and hiring an assistant to help with tasks around the office.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

September is Suicide Prevention Month and I have written several posts about my experiences with suicide. 

My father’s roommate committed suicide with my dad’s gun one evening with my dad and police standing at the locked bedroom door. What is left behind after someone commits suicide you don’t personally know is a very strange experience. 

Earlier in the day, he returned all the items he had borrowed from my dad and mowed the yard. He was taking care of business and finishing his final plan. 

We don’t know when he took my dad’s gun, he didn’t realize it was gone until after the shooting. This is a good reason to keep your guns locked. 

My granny was going over to clean up the room so my dad didn’t have to so I went to help her. 

His room had a bloody mattress, carpet, and wall. 

It was surreal to drag a bloody mattress out to the curb for the neighborhood to see. 

There were no photos in the room, nothing on the walls, no decorations. 

After we cleaned the floor and wall, we gathered his belongings to give to his parents. 

All that was in one drawer was 16 cents. I asked myself if this is what it comes down to. 

There were four black bags of clothes, that’s all. 

Nothing else for his family to remember him by, it was a very heartbreaking day. 

What’s left behind after suicide?

Melinda