I don’t think we talk about stalking enough, their arms are far and wide and stalking can get very dangerious including death.
You have to start the conversation early because social media can put your child at risk. Anyone who makes “friends” on the internet is at risk. It’s not just children at risk, anyone can be a target.
I could go on & on about children’s internet safety, so I’ll save that conversation for another post.
National Stalking Awareness Month
National Stalking Awareness Month in January was launched in 2004 by the National Center for Victims of Crime. The aim was to increase the public’s interpretation of the crime of stalking. Stalking may seem harmless to some, but history has proven that it can lead to murder among other graver crimes.
Many people use ‘stalking’ as a fun term for digging up details on our crushes through social media, but the true meaning of the word creates fear for those who have been victims of the crime. Stalking is more than just going through the statuses or photos of a person. It is following them around to discover every intimate detail about the life of the victim. Stalking includes phone calls, obsessive text messages, notes left on cars, creepy gifts, or messages on social media platforms.
Since many of these initial stages later lead to kidnapping, sexual violence, or physical attacks, ‘stalking’ is considered a crime, an offense under the Crimes (Domestic and Personal Violence) Act 2007. According to law, the following counts as stalking: “the following of a person about or the watching or frequenting of the vicinity of, or an approach to a person’s place of residence, business or work or any place that a person frequents for any social or leisure activity.”
My Story
I’ve been stalked twice as a child and twice as an adult. The stalking as a child didn’t involve any interaction, they followed me around the apartment complex and the other followed me & my girlfriend home from school every day in their car.
As an adult, the stalking took on a new level, a scary one. I’ve known bloggers who were being stalked online and had to close down their blog. The last experience with stalking is written in a post, in the link in the sentence above.
This may be a harsh way to look at it but it’s true. People on the internet are “non’s”. What I mean by that is people can be anything they want online. We hear about these incindents every day. I didn’t always look at it this way but I’m older and can see the damage social media can do.
I knew three of my stalkers, I don’t know if there’s a statistic out there for it but my guess is many know their stalkers.
This is an example of how trauma represents itself long after you’ve worked out the worst in your head and heart.
People who have read my About Me page know I’ve had my share of trauma and that I’ve worked hard to overcome my demons. The truth is they never go away, some piece in your heart or brain still remembers. It’s not something you feel, it becomes a trigger.
Photo by u0422u0430u0442u044cu044fu043du0430 u0427u0435u0440u043du044bu0448u043eu0432u0430ud83cudf52 on Pexels.com
Here’s some backstory
My husband works for an International company and they’ve gone thru a major reorganization recently. It is a bit chaotic right now, he is working many late-night meetings so his counterparts in the other country can participate. Because of this, my husband doesn’t get a chance to unwind from the stress. Fact of life right?
We all have to find a way to deplete stress from our day in order to feel restored and for our long-term health. Last night he didn’t finish his day, minus looking at emails all night, until after 7PM and he was trying to destress for the day.
I saw him from the corner of my eye, he was maxed out. I said to him not in these exact words, that I was concerned that he was not getting a chance to destress every day and that maybe there were other options the doctor could offer him. Like anxiety meds.
During our conversation, he said, “I’ll think about it”. Sounds harmless right? It triggered me. At that moment, “I’ll think about it” meant, either I’m not going to do it or shut up about it. I got upset and we had a breakdown in communication.
He has no way to know that comment would trigger me, I had no idea.
The post isn’t about how our communication went sideways, it’s an example of what’s under our skin that remains after trauma. It’s impossible to see triggers when you’re still working thru trauma, the nerves and heart are like a live wire. When you’re in the middle of the storm it’s pure survival, whatever it takes.
Those who make it thru the storm come out with deep scars, you have no idea how those scars will represent themselves as you move forward in life.
As we learn what is a trigger, we can better learn how to deal with the emotion it brings up.
Give yourself and other’s some grace in those moments.
I’ve lived in the hell of Domestic Violence. Instead of giving you statistics, I want to share some thoughts and experiences. In this post, I also share ideas on how to proactively prepare for the day you leave.
This chart is great to use for teaching tweens/teens and as a reminder for yourself. If children are taught early, you can help them see the warning signs, and help them gently with the words to break off the relationship before it goes any further. Teens can be a handful but early learning will help.
There are resources on the Internet on how to listen to your child if you are worried about them. Talking to a therapist about coping skills and how to teach your children about abusive relationships will help immensely.
Feelings you may encounter
Anger
Confusion
Fear
Explosions
Self-Hatred
Low Self Esteem
Chaos
Running Away
Suffocated
Followed
My world was walking on eggshells, listening to my mother get beat day after day. My stepfather hit her head against the wall as they went down the entire hallway and stopped at my bedroom door. I had to listen to my mother begging for him to stop, it traumatized me.
I was nine years old, my parents were going to bed, and I thought we had made it thru another day. A few minutes later I hear her screaming and them coming down the hall, wincing every time her head hits the wall. They landed in front of my door but across the hall, I could peek out my door and see everything. My stepfather dragged her by the hair, up against a wall, and had a knife to her throat. My mother saw me I could tell she was afraid for her life. I saw a trickle of blood and freaked out. I had fears of him hurting us four children.
Even though my mother and I had a very fractured relationship, you don’t want to see your mother killed. I was panicked, and could not get to the phone to call my grandparents. I gather up the little money I had hidden and took off on my bike. I rode across town to my boyfriend’s house. Long story short, my mother arrived acting nice until we got in the car. She slapped me all the way home. Everything was fine, it was my fault.
If you are in a Domestic Violence relationship and you are planning to leave, there are some steps you can take to make the move less stressful. If you have a family member or friend that would allow you to pack some items and leave them until the night you leave that would not cause alarm at home. If you don’t have anyone to help you directly, hiding essentials in the trunk of your car is possible. The key is to be prepared as possible because once you leave the house, it may take a while before you get your items returned or are able to move back in the house.
You have to get crafty when it comes to money. If you withdraw the money too quickly they will find out. He’s what comes to my mind. You have to plan your escape seriously and it has to be precise or it may escalate. If both of your names are on the credit card or bank try to get your name taken off and get a new account sent to a safe address. Run as fast as you can with what you can! Life will be insane for a while but living in those conditions is inhumane.
Save small amounts of money and hid it from your partner, after you have a small amount of money, take it to your friend’s house for safekeeping. You will need to save money for some time to help you once you leave. I’ve heard of many women being cut off from money, it’s probably one of the leading causes. Many times one partner will be left without money, for who knows how long.
If you have children you will need escape bags for them too. I’m talking like one small suitcase for all. If you have a job it’s easier, in that you can control your future. Once you settle into a shelter, family, or friends, new routines can form. Shop different stores, and do everything to avoid him even if that means driving out of way to pick items up. The last thing you want is a confrontation. This can escalate very quickly and turn into a bad ending.
I’ve talked to many women and men from Domestic Violence homes and leaving is always hard. There are so many fears. Have someone on your side to talk to if you can. The key is planning, where to go, and when to go, you have to plan a couple of days’ clothing if possible because it may be that long before an Officer can go with you and let you in the house. Tell as few people as possible and get a burner phone so he can’t track you.
It may sound far-fetched but many abusers don’t want to lose their partner, they say I love you and how sorry they are, and it will never happen again. LIE! They want to continue to control you and will stop at nothing. I’m not talking about killing you, even though in a worst-case scenario it could happen, what I’m talking about is the hassling, all the time, calling you or your employer, calling your family members, they will work hard to have you back in their life.
I will firmly say the first time you leave is the easiest, if you go back and many do, they will keep an eye on every move you make. Don’t let that stop you from leaving again you have to try a different technique. The saddest is the children involved in the turmoil. Years of therapy helped me deal with my traumatic background.
Please check out my page Organizations That Can Help, the number of resources I have for Domestic Violence is fairly short but there are other resources you may need along the way listed too. There are some great blogs that discuss Domestic Violence, seek them out to learn tips on how to diffuse situations to how to prepare to leave.
I’m proud of you wherever you are in life and pray you are happy and healthy. Please remember I’m talking about what happened in my life. I won’t say I know yours or that I’m an expert, I’m not. Just a 59-year-old recalling traumatic memories. Therapy has saved my life. One thing I know is the less you keep bottled up, the better your mental health will be.
One thing you need is a couple of people to follow and learn from those who have been where you are. You’ll get ideas from following others, not only for learning but also for building your confidence. A blog I read a long time ago went as far as how to protect yourself inside the home if you are trying to get in.
I woke up weeping this morning, the reasons are never known. I sit down to write and start to cry. Unsure of what I need emotionally, my focus turns to the computer. Today I needed to hear I was loved.
Josh Groban fills my soul, maybe he can fill you with love today.
I received a letter on Friday from the Probate Court that my ex-husband died. We’ve been divorced since 1999 but we were friends. It was a shock and why am I included in this official letter? I haven’t seen him in over 20 years.
I’m choosing to remember all the good memories we made and the joy I felt.
Our first:
First New Years’ Eve party
First Dive in Cozumel
Big shark encounter
Traveling the World
There were many more. On my first trip to Cozumel, the electricity went out right after I was heading to the shower. First I had to find someone with towels, I went back to the room ready to get all the salt off of me. We had to put a small flashlight on a beam to take a shower. This is not the Ritz type of country.
This was an annual event for Toys for Tots where thousands of bikers come together to ride across town to the center where the toys are collected by the Marines. We bought a big white teddy bear and tied it to the back of my seat. It was my first time attending and it was a blast. You can see by the smile on my face.
This song is appropriate for the occasion.
Born To Be Wild
We spent 13 years together and shared a lifetime of memories. He was a good man.
I pray you did not suffer, and that someone was always at your side.
You’ve joined your father and grandparents in Heaven, I know it will be a big occasion.
America has an interest in where the Monarchy goes from here and no better person than Prince Charles to lead the way forward. He’s spent his life in dedication to his mother the Queen of England. His life has been spent watching and learning. He couldn’t have had a better teacher.
King Charles III is probably the most experienced King to date. I have confidence he will lead the Church and Monarchy forward with the knowledge of history and a nob to the contemporary.
I know the world is mourning and also knows brighter days are ahead. King Charles III will flourish in his new role and be a great mentor to the Prince and Princess of Wales.
I’m at a total loss for words, I wasn’t expecting the Queen to die today. Of course, we’ll never know what she was really suffering from but thank God she’s out of pain. We mourn for her loss and welcome a new King, King Charles III.
The UK will stay in the morning for 10 days and her household staff for 30 days. It’s improper to have a Coronation so soon after grieving so we won’t see the official ascension probably into next year. This means King Charles III can’t wear the crown till after the official ceremony.
Queen Elizabeth was one of a kind and she broke thru many glass ceilings.
I’m hopeful of King Charles III will carry on but with his own style. He’s not the Queen and will not slide right into her chair. He will have his own personality and ways of performing his duties.
We also now have a Queen Consort and Prince and Princes of Wales to pick move forward Price Charles’s work.
I live in America and have followed the Royal family for as long as I can remember. The Queen will be missed by the world.
“Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain, and you feel the rain, but you are not the rain.” – Matt Haig This is an important truth to grasp. You may struggle with mental illness. You may be displaying the effects of trauma. But none […]
Melinda was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, bipolar disorder and dementia.
A few years later, she launched her blog, Looking for the Light, to share her story, advocate for her causes and hopefully, help a few along the way.
Read her story below!
Hello Melinda, thank you for agreeing to talk to Carenity.
First of all, could you tell us more about yourself?
I’m a lively woman going on 60 years old who has been married to her sweetheart for 20 years. I love my blog, photography, helping others, advocating for my causes like mental health and chronic illnesses. And I can’t forget my two dogs.
You have several illnesses. Could you tell us which ones? When were you diagnosed with each of them? What were the first signs of each?
I have fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, bipolar disorder and dementia.
Lyme disease was very difficult to diagnose, it took me 1.5 years which is quick compared to many. It caused my fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and dementia. This was 2015.
As for my mental illness, I was diagnosed at 19 years old.
What is life like with fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, bipolar disorder and dementia? Do you receive comprehensive care, or do you see several specialists? How do you feel about your current management? What are your treatments?
Life can be a total challenge some days and not so bad others. One thing I believe in is self-care. This extra hour or so a day helps me get in touch with my body, to nourish it, unwind and help my body regenerate. I see several specialists and have a varied treatment plan. The treatment plan that can change the most is for my mental illness.
According to you or to the doctors, is there a link between your conditions?
Lyme disease was caused my fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and dementia. The rest have not been linked.
On a daily basis, which condition requires the most follow-up or is the most disabling? Why?
My mental illness requires the most attention because I must be aware of my moods throughout the day, take medication several times a day and keep my doctor informed if having a problem with medication.
Do you have a family history of any of your conditions?
I have a family history of dementia, but it was caused by a stroke.
Do you feel supported by your family and friends? Do they understand your daily life with the disease?
Yes! The key to that is taking my husband or another person with me to my critical appointments. That way I have two sets of ears, someone to take notes, who can mention a symptom I may have forgotten or help me clarify what the doctor is saying.
What is the impact of your conditions on your private and professional life? What misconceptions do you frequently hear about your so-called “invisible” diseases?
I don’t really hear anything about invisible illness, but my lifestyle doesn’t allow me to interact with many people. Personally, the biggest toll has been on my freedom and the intimacy with my husband.
Shortly after, you decided to launch your blog “Looking for the Light”. Why did you make this choice? What messages do you want to convey to your readers?
The mission of the blog was to share my story, advocate for my causes and hopefully help a few along the way. The key message I have for everyone is to keep moving forward.
What are your plans for the future?
Continue on as I’m already retired, work and family caused me to leave my career early.
Finally, what advice would you give to Carenity members who, like you, are affected themselves or have a loved one affected by one or many invisible chronic illnesses?
The key is understanding, if you care about the person, do your homework, learn about the illness. Don’t judge when they have to bow out or cancel plans. And if it’s a partner I highly recommend including them in your doctors’ appointments. This has helped me so much.
There’s no trying to repeat or ask questions about what the doctor said because they are right there and since they are hearing from the doctor’s mouth, you don’t have to tell them.
Any last words?
Be honest with yourself and your loved ones! There will be those that don’t listen, that’s their problem. Communicate how you’re doing without the complaining tone. If you’re struggling either physically or mentally you need to reach out. Both can cause depression.
Many thanks to Melinda for sharing her story with us on Carenity!
I want to say a special thank you to Laura Sebright, Marketing & Ecommerce Executiveat Trigger Publishing for sending this very interesting book for review.
About the Author
On October 18th 2014, Adelaide was in a bike crash that would change her life. She went through the driver’s side window of a car that pulled in front of her, suffering injuries that almost killed her – and emotional trauma that would continue for years to come. In addition to facing the physical injuries and PTSD, Adelaide worried about how the crash would affect her ability to cope with her bipolar II. After an arduous recovery, she returned to riding, eventually qualifying to become a professional triathlete. She is an advocate for cyclists’ safety and strives to help others who have suffered life-threatening crashes. Adelaide lives with her husband Kennett and their dog Maybellene.
Blurb
When the red Fiat pulled out in front of Adelaide, she squeezed her bike’s brakes so hard that she left 50 feet of skid marks along the highway. The last thing she remembers is being lifted into the ambulance and someone saying, “Her face is peeled off.”
She spent five days in a medically-induced coma, during which surgeons picked glass from her face, reconstructed bones and inserted a stomach tube. She spent another six days unable to talk, at times gasping for air, enduring leech treatments to keep her necrotizing lip alive, and fearing a crippling bipolar episode. Without knowing what neurological damage or permanent disfigurement she’d be left with, her boyfriend Kennett proposed to Adelaide daily in the hospital, until she became conscious. But her recovery would extend far beyond the hospital and the visible physical injuries.
DEGLOVED is about perseverance as well as failure, written to give hope to those living with mental illness, and anyone who has had a traumatic event thrust upon them, which threatened to destroy their lives.
My Thoughts
Where do you go after an accident almost cost took your life? For Adelaide, it’s moving forward slowly with an eye on recovery and sharing her story to help others. Not only was she in a coma, but also had reconstructive surgery, leech treatments, and fears that her Bipolar Disorder will pop its ugly head.
When you suffer from a traumatic injury it can cause PTSD and slow the recovery process. It can be more complicated if you have a mental illness, like Bipolar Disorder. For me, stress is a huge trigger for my Bipolar Disorder and it’s something I have to keep an eye on. It can throw me into depression very quickly.
Degloved is a book of tragedy and triumph with great lessons to learn about life after unsurmountable odds. Adelaide is a strong person and her perseverance against the odds gave her life back. She’s also a walking example of what our body can do when it comes back from hell.
Adelaide pushes herself thru unimaginable odds to go on to not only compete again but is now a professional Triathlete.
This book is for anyone who has been involved in a traumatic event or knows someone that has. The book is great for caregivers.
I recommend the book hands down. It’s a great read and a very inspiring story.
Trigger Publishing
TriggerHub.org is the first mental health organization of its kind. We are bringing mental health recovery and balance to millions of people worldwide through the power of our books.
We have built a first-class resource of curated books produced and published in-house to create a unique collection of mental health recovery titles unrivaled in quality and selection. We work with experts, psychologists, doctors, and coaches to produce our books, but we also work with real people looking to share their stories to reach out to others and provide hope, understanding, and compassion. These brave authors also aim to raise awareness of mental health’s “human” face and its impact on everyday lives.
Many of us have self-esteem problems at some point in our life and I’ve certainly had my share. This is a deeply personal post I wrote to show you how subtle it can be and how to recognize it in your own life. Stop in your tracks and speak up! If that means the end of a relationship, then so be it.
I’m giving examples of life with my ex-husband and partner of 13 years. We were only married for five years so you would think I would have realized/seen or done something different other than getting married.
I met my ex-husband when I was 27 years old, had lots of baggage, and just starting to grow my career. We moved in with each other after six months. RED FLAG.
Not long after he went on a guy’s trip, about a week later a woman called the house asking for him. Come to find out he and his friends had partied with these women, he apparently didn’t tell her he was involved. The next day we were scheduled to go see family, I’m still fuming but I go anyway. Pretending everything was fine to our friends.
About a year into our relationship I was given a trip to Jamaica by my boss. I booked the nicest room which happen to be the honeymoon suite. I didn’t say we were on our honeymoon just wanted the nicer suite. When he found out he went ballistic. Spent the evening flirting with another woman and ignoring me. I lay across the bed crying while he parties in the hot tub.
We were on vacation in the UK and I got my hair cut while in London. My hair was mid-length and I had it cut short. He wouldn’t talk to me for three days. WFT was wrong with me, why didn’t I pack up when we got home?
We went tubing down the river every year with a bunch of friends, one year I got separated from the group. No water, beer, or money. After six hours of floating alone, he never stopped to wait for me. I got heat exhaustion from the day and had to go to the hospital. Never said he was sorry. Then to top it off wants to drive three hours out of the way home to pick up something. I’m in excruciating pain but went along.
These are all things that happened before we were married. I didn’t see how he ran all over me and I let him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but did I think I deserved this behavior. Now he wasn’t always this way. He was magnetic, charming, outgoing, romantic, good looking.
This is the day that broke the camel’s back.
We were scheduled to go out to dinner and he came home four hours late, drunk, and never called. When I asked why he did care enough to call he blew me off. I was fuming. I got in the truck to go to dinner and he lifted his hand towards me. That was it. I got out of the truck, went to bed, cried, and decided to file for divorce.
The thing is I didn’t realize how bad he treated me until I met my husband. It became clear that there are people who know how to treat people with love and respect.
Don’t be a mouse, speak up for yourself and get out of a relationship where you are not valued and equal.
When I started blogging in 2005 the thought of where I was going or what my goals were didn’t enter my mind. I just needed to write and grieve my grandmother’s dementia and death. Flash forward to 2014 when I started Looking for the Light, my goals were more clear. To share my stories in an effort to reduce stigma and educate others along the way.
I think I’ve accomplished this goal on a small level, as much as we can as individuals working from behind a computer.
Thank you doesn’t seem appropriate for all that you’ve taught me but that’s all I have. Thank You!
This post was from the 2020 Mental Health Awareness Month and I believe it’s still relevant for Mental Health Awareness Month 2022. I’ve been stable for a couple of years and am thankful for every day that I’m healthy. This is more an opinion piece than a post.
Second Birthday
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and mental health has been on my mind more than normal. I come from generations of family members with mental illness including my father who had Bipolar Disorder and eventually committed suicide.
I expect this to be an unpopular post, but that’s okay I want to hear all your comments.
All people have to be held accountable for their actions. The thought that came to mind this morning was a murder case that disturbs me to this day. A woman in Texas drowned all five of her children in the bathtub. She pleaded temporary insanity. I would have to agree she was insane, how could someone kill their five children? She only spent five years in a mental health ward in the prison and was then released from jail. Is five years of medical oversite enough punishment? Is she no longer insane? I think not. I’m responsible for all of my actions regardless of my mental state. She should have been moved to the regular jail system to pay for her murder charges.
My father sexually abused me, was it ok because he was mentally ill? It wasn’t his fault? I don’t buy into that theory. My father never sought help for his mental illness and committed suicide at 52 years old. He made the decision to not seek treatment, at the end of his life he was too sick to see how far down he was. He’ll be held accountable by a higher power than me.
I was nine years old the first time I attempted suicide, it was the first of many attempts throughout my life. As an adult, I educated myself on my illness and have a support system in place. I have to be disciplined in taking my medication, going to therapy, seeing my Psychiatrist, and communicating with my husband or paying the price of becoming unstable.
Mental health matters and people with mental illness need medical help if not for a crisis, for knowledge, and for heading off a problem.
What do you think? Are five years in a mental hospital punishment enough for killing your five children?
The first time I was stalked was scary but I was a child and they never confronted me or my girlfriend. They just drove behind us in the car all the way home from school every day. I can still remember the license plate number, NJN637. We never told anybody and one day it stopped.
The second time was very scary and I’ve written about it before. I was a young adult and made some bad decisions in character. He stalked me and my family for six years, even when I thought he was gone, he wrote me after several years to let me know he could still find me. It got so bad that the guy I was dating would go check under the car when we left his house, he was afraid of a bomb. No one should have to live with that fear.
The third and last time was the one that scared me deeply. I was still battling Lyme Disease and was very sick. I also was not very tech-savvy with phones. That will come into play later in the post. I didn’t know anything was wrong until the day Twitter got hacked, it was also the day I got hacked. They were tech-savvy enough to make it look like it was coming from two people I knew. I accused them of this terrible act and hurt them badly. Even WordPress told me one of them was tracking my DNS. I didn’t understand all of that and went about trying to mend the damage.
Then I started getting weird messages on my computer, or I would write something and they would keep changing the first letter. My spell correct doesn’t auto change anything, I know it sounded crazy. One day I was writing Auther and they kept changing it to Luther. So I asked them if they planned to hurt me. I don’t remember all the other questions I asked but I tried to converse with them thinking I could solve the problem.
Then one morning I pick up my IPad and it had all this jibberish written on it, nothing made sense. Sometimes there would just be one letter on a line. I showed my husband who thou he believed me was still a bit unsure of what to think.
You have to understand I was taking around 20 medications for Lyme in addition to my other meds, so there were days I was too sick to take my mental health meds. This added to the problem. Also adding to the problem was my lack of understanding of how my phone worked. I had only texted a few times and still didn’t understand that you could move between phone and texting without losing the person on the phone. This will make more sense in a minute.
In an effort to understand how much danger I was in I kept trying to engage in conversation. I would write text messages but would not send them. Still, the answers would come. They would make sense but they would be giving me names of people at times but I didn’t know who it was.
Every once in a while I would think to send the text. Still, the conversation continued. They didn’t say they wanted to hurt me but didn’t say they didn’t so I was still very unsure.
One day I was texting a friend who said they had been hiking and the stalker jumped into the conversation to say that my friend was lying. I couldn’t understand how they knew I was on the phone or how they could even hack my phone.
One day I was talking with them and felt very threatened and thought they were coming into my house. Not thinking straight and reaching for my home phone I ran outside and ask my neighbor to call the police. I didn’t realize that I could leave the texting and move to the phone to call the police.
Mind you I was in a tee-shirt and underwear only. The next thing I know four police cars and two fire trucks show up.
I start to approach one of the police cars with my phone held high and an officer pulled her gun on me. All the other officers stepped out with no aggressive body language and could see I was stressed out. The fire medics began to check my blood sugar and pressure and ask who they could call. I was calm, I told them my husband’s number was under ICE #1.
The whole time this is going on the woman officer who pulled her gun on me kept saying I was Schizophrenic and she would have me sent to the county hospital. This was very upsetting because the county hospital has a bad reputation and it scared me. I told her I was Bipolar, not Schizophrenic, she kept going on like she knew it all.
My husband arrived about 30 minutes later and assured them everything was ok and that I probably had not taken my mediation because I was so sick.
It wasn’t long after that I asked my stalker how long they had been stalking me and they said seven months. Later they started to give me clues to who it was and I figured it out. It was a woman on WordPress who I had tried to help who was severely mentally ill.
As soon as I figured out who it was and said her name, she stopped.
If you’re ever in this situation, make sure you get the names of the police on the scene and file a complaint. My local police needed some mental health training bad and that officer needed to be reprimanded for parading around saying I was Schizophrenic to all the other officers. She didn’t know what she was talking about and should have diffused the situation and kept her mouth shut.
Several neighbors saw the whole thing and one of them saw her pull her gun.
It was a very scary time and one I will not forget.
Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week I highlight a new blogger, Katie Anna Banana.
I started blogging to add some creativity to my day. I have some things to share, and I hope you’ll let me share them with you!
I am a reflector. Nowadays it’s difficult enough for me to think about the week ahead, let alone the past. What’s for dinner, what bills are due? I think it’s important to reflect, I believe I’ve shared my views on that before, and there is no better time to do that than the New Year.
Wishing only the best for myself, my loved ones, and my dear WordPress followers in 2022.
Please check out her site and the great posts she’s written.
Whether initiated by yourself or not, the breakdown of a relationship can be hard. You might find yourself in a difficult transition period. A period of adjustment while you get used to how your life looks and feels now. To help you in this transitional phase here are some practical steps you can take after the breakdown of a relationship.
If you have been living with your partner one of the first things you might want to think about is how you are going to manage this going forward. It can be a difficult subject that requires a lot of consideration and reason on both parts, especially if your finances/home aren’t legally protected. It is most important to put your mental health and wellbeing first, so ensure the steps you take to protect your health. It might be that the best step is to start looking for properties for rent, moving back in with parents temporarily, or if there are children involved, consider arrangements such as bird nesting to help ensure stability for all. It might be a difficult situation to be in but it will become easier as time goes by, especially if logic and sensibility can prevail.
Avoid a rebound
A rebound can seem like a great idea. At a time when you may be feeling emotionally low and in need of a self-esteem boost, looking for some additional attention can seem like the remedy you need. However, it is important to remember that the high you might experience from your rebound will wear off and the feelings you are left with may do more harm than good. A rebound relationship can also seem like a good idea to help numb some of the pain you might be experiencing from the loss of a relationship. Masking the pain does not however make it go away. It is important to work through the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing after losing a loved one to help you move on healthily.
Be wary of social media
Social media can be a painful place to spend your time in the aftermath of a relationship. This can be especially true if you share mutual friends. It can be painful to see your former partner out and about and all over social media and if you find it upsetting then take steps to protect yourself. Come off social media for a while or block or ‘hide’ your former partner so you cannot see their updates. While it can be tempting to follow their escapades and be apprised of what they are up to it can prove to have a damaging effect on your mental health and wellbeing. So, be kind to yourself and be very wary of how you use social media post-breakup.
Do it in your own time
There is no time scale in which you should move on or get over a relationship and don’t be pressured into thinking otherwise. Allow yourself all the time you need to fully heal from your relationship breakdown.
What can we say about Mother Earth? She’s the best and we have to tread lightly to keep the planet healthy for future generations.
April 22
Earth Day is an annual event celebrated around the world on April 22 to demonstrate support for environmental protection. First celebrated in 1970, it now includes events in more than 193 countries.
Earth Day was the brainchild of Sen. Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin, a staunch environmentalist who hoped to provide unity to the grassroots environmental movement and increase ecological awareness.
Nelson—whose efforts in Congress included legislation protecting the Appalachian Trail and banning DDT—hired Denis Hayes, a Harvard grad student. Together they organized the first Earth Day.
Today, Earth Day is widely recognized as the largest secular observance in the world, marked by more than a billion people every year as a day of action.
Many important environmental events have happened on Earth Day since 1970, including the signing of the Paris Agreement.
Thanks largely to the momentum created by Earth Day, the early 1970s saw the passage of the most important environmental legislation in US history, including both the Clean Air and Clean Water acts.
What can You Do?
Beach Cleanups
Recycle
Reduce Waste
Reuse
Carpool
Reduce plastic usage
Plant trees
Reusable straws
Use your own coffee mug when going to a coffee shop
Use reusable water bottles instead of plastic water bottles
These are just a few off the top of my head. There are so many ways we can reduce our footprint so that we can continue to celebrate Earth Day.
Experiencing grief is difficult for everyone. From losing pets to seeing parents or friends pass away, no one ever feels truly ready for it. Grief can manifest in a variety of ways. Some of these can be positive, but there are also negative reactions that can make things worse for you and those around you. While you shouldn’t forget about your loved one, it is still important to accept what has happened and find ways to move forward and continue your life, because that’s what they would have wanted.
One of the most important steps to acceptance and moving forward is to understand your emotions, which can be difficult if you have never encountered grief before. You will have a myriad of conflicting feelings; you might wonder if there is anything you could have done to change things, or regret not making the most of your time together. This is all part of the grieving process, and the sooner you accept your pain, the sooner you can start to feel better. This is not always an easy fix, and you may need to speak with other people to come to terms with it, but finding acceptance and coping with it positively will make things easier.
Celebrate Their Life
You may feel like you didn’t get a proper chance to say goodbye to your loved one, and this can raise several issues as you feel you’ve sorely missed out on something you’ll never get to do. If you are looking for ways to overcome these feelings, you can find ways to celebrate their life. Consider what they loved to do and do it yourself. You can throw a huge party or sit with your family and reminisce. Whatever you do, you will celebrate and honor their memory.
Support Yourself
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in grief that you completely ignore yourself. Some people can feel guilty that they are still alive when their loved one is not. But, it isn’t beneficial to ignore your well-being. Make sure you maintain a consistent sleep schedule, a good diet, and exercise, as these contribute to a better quality of life. They can also help release positive chemicals in your brain that allow you to cope with your grief.
Consider The Next Steps
As much as you don’t want to finalize your loss, you will need to think about the next steps. This could include the will or even selling their property and possessions. An estate sale can be difficult and even confusing, so working with companies like Clearly Quick Estate Liquidators can take the stress out of the entire process. You will get the chance to keep what matters to you, and the liquidators can do the rest of the work, so you don’t have to.
Acceptance and Progress
The idea of moving forward can feel insensitive. But, these techniques do not mean you will ignore how your loved ones have influenced your life. You will still keep them in your thoughts whatever you do, but you will no longer allow the grief to impact your life. Instead, you can live the life the thief would have wanted you to, and you get the chance to make them proud.
In 2014 an idea was hatched to create a site that would allow everyone to share their story in a safe environment and Survivors Blog Here was born. Now it’s 2022, it’s hard to put into words what the past eight years have meant to me and the contributors of Survivors Blog Here. We have […]
“Everyone says forgiveness is a good idea until they have something to forgive.” – C.S. Lewis Forgiveness is a difficult, and somewhat touchy, topic. It’s something we are told that we ought to offer others. But ask anyone, and you’re likely to hear that forgiveness is a struggle if you’ve been hurt and betrayed. And […]
Gaslighting Quotes That Capture This Emotional Manipulation “Gaslighting is mind control to make victims doubt their reality.” — Tracy Malone. “Gaslighting is a subtle form of emotional manipulation that often results in the recipient doubting their own perception of reality and their sanity. In addition, gaslighting is a method of manipulation by toxic people to […]
For years I’ve seen people put together a pie in the sky list of Resolutions at the beginning of each year and by the second or third month they look at the list and nothing is checked off. Here’s the reason, resolutions are wishes and wishes don’t magically come true. Resolutions set you up to fail.
If you want to accomplish something you have to set a goal, write it down, and have an action plan. That is how you look back and see progress during the year. The key to setting goals is to reaccess as the year progresses, maybe you need to change or set new goals.
I can wish to win the lottery and the only action I can take is to buy a ticket, the rest is up to karma! I have no control over winning beyond buying a ticket. But if I set a goal for something that is important for me to accomplish during the year and take action towards the goals then I have a good chance of accomplishing it if I want it bad enough.
I’m also realistic, I don’t have a list of 20 items, which is crazy. Set a reasonable number because you are going to have to put the work behind each goal to accomplish it.
Happy New Year!
I wish you all the success in the world and know it’s within your control.
I’ve read so many interesting books this year and thought it would be nice to compile a list for you to look for resources and or motivation in the new year.
I was kindly gifted an advanced copy of Finding Joy with an Invisible Chronic Illness, Proven Strategies for Discovering Happiness, Meaning, and Fulfillment by Christopher Martin from NetGallery for a review.
Published 2021
I am a school psychologist, husband, father, and – pertinent to this website – an author who has multiple invisible chronic illnesses.
And an invisible chronic illness is a beast. On top of draining you physically, a chronic illness can impact all aspects of your life ranging from causing financial hardship to harming your relationships to dampening your spirits. Try to be cheerful when you have this unremitting “monkey on your back” known as an invisible chronic illness that constantly demands your attention 24-7. Needless to say, it’s easy to let yourself and others down.
Plus, your family or friends can’t see your illness, as it’s invisible, and they may not understand. Most with an invisible illness are familiar with “advice” ranging from “stay positive” to “you look good” to “Have you tried ___ for your condition?” Yup, you probably have, and it didn’t work.
On top of that, best wishes in accessing (and maintaining) high quality medical care when you are too tired to even take care of yourself.
Welcome to the world of an invisible chronic illness. I should know. I suffer from multiple invisible chronic illnesses, including a primary immune deficiency disorder and bronchiectasis.
But it doesn’t have to be this way – for you or for me. While I am not cured of my illness, I enjoy a fulfilling life and experience ongoing joy, peace, and happiness. Because of outstanding medical care, extensive self-educating and self-care, a supportive family, and a strong faith, I effectively manage my chronic illnesses. But I didn’t want to be the only one to benefit. It was my goal, in turn, to give back to others by doing what I love to do: authoring books on these conditions.
Blurb
“Finding Joy is a vital guide on how to best manage and navigate life with a chronic illness.”—James Nestor, New York Times bestselling author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art
“Finding Joy provides a comprehensive, evidence-based roadmap for not only coping with chronic illness, but personally optimizing self-growth and resiliency from the experience.” —Joanne Joseph, PhD, professor of psychology and interim dean of the College of Health Sciences, SUNY Polytechnic Institute, and author of The Resilient Child: Preparing Today’s Youth for Tomorrow’s World
* How can you experience those good thoughts and feelings, enjoy life to its fullest, and de-stress when faced with relentless physical suffering?
* How can you enhance your relationships, find support, respond to the naysayers, and possibly even help them understand you and your illness?
* When seeking medical care, how can you get the answers you deserve, and access and maintain quality healthcare?
Early Reviews
“”Finding Joy is absolutely phenomenal. Chris Martin’s heartfelt approach offers numerous meaningful strategies to thrive when faced with the many unseen and unrecognized issues of living with an invisible chronic illness.””—Heather Lewis-Hoover, MS, CAS, school counselor
““Finding Joy is a vital guide on how to best manage and navigate life with a chronic illness.””—James Nestor, New York Times bestselling author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art
“Finding Joy provides a comprehensive, evidence-based roadmap for not only coping with chronic illness, but personally optimizing self-growth and resiliency from the experience.” —Joanne Joseph, PhD, professor of psychology and interim dean of the College of Health Sciences, SUNY Polytechnic Institute, and author of The Resilient Child: Preparing Today’s Youth for Tomorrow’s World
My Thoughts
I think Chris says it best, the diagnosis is a step forward, it’s not the last.
Finding Joy with an Invisible Chronic Illness is a great find, one for all to read, patients, loved ones, and, family members. It is a simple and practical approach to taking control by understanding how we think and what we have control over when it comes to our chronic condition and healthcare treatment.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, an annual campaign to raise awareness about the impact of breast cancer. Join us as we RISE together to help uplift women in need.
The past year has posed a challenge to just about everything, and breast cancer prevention is no exception. Although we saw setbacks in screenings and early detection, we’re rising to the challenge together.
For the past 30 years, NBCF has supported women by helping them get access to the education, screening, and support they need. This is our moment to rise up and do even more.
Knowledge is power. Get free, customized eBook recommendations just for you.
October 16th: National Mammography Day
National Mammography Day is a part of Breast Cancer Awareness month and is celebrated on the third Friday of October every year.
Mammograms are a hugely important aspect of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, as millions of women across the globe are encouraged to attend Mammography screenings as part of the defence against developing breast cancer.
According to the CDC, cancer is the second biggest cause of death among Americans. Breast cancer is among the most common diagnosis in women, and screenings and exams are crucial for early detection and treatment.
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I had my own scare years ago when a lump was found on my breast. My doctor did advanced testing and felt certain it was not malignant and watched it for ten years. Last year I went to a new doctor for my exam. I was called back in three times and told on one appointment it had grown. I became very worried and like many thought about the outcome.
Another doctor did an ultrasound and compared my images to the previous one and discovered it had indeed not grown. What a relief. I still have to be closely monitored every year with advanced screening and ultrasound. As it turns out, every October is when I have my annual screening. A perfect reminder.
Get your annual exam and do monthly breast exams at home. If you are unsure how to do them, ask your doctor for the proper way to look for changes in your breast.
You’re out in public and see a couple fighting and yelling or you’re at home watching television when you hear the neighbors going at it, if you see or hear things escalating call the police. It may be a call that saves someone a trip to the emergency room or far worse.
Everyone has a role to play in stopping Domestic Violence.
Here are some startling statistics:
Talking about these issues openly will help end the shame and stigma that domestic violence and sexual assault survivors are burdened with. The next time you’re in a room with 6 people, think about this:
1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience violence from their partners in their lifetimes.
1 in 3 teens experience sexual or physical abuse or threats from a boyfriend or girlfriend in one year.
What is Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Some signs of an abusive relationship include:
Exerting strict control (financial, social and/or appearance).
Needing constant contact including excessive texts and calls.
Emotional abuse including insulting a partner in front of other people.
Extreme jealousy.
Showing fear around a partner.
Isolation from family and friends.
Frequent canceling of plans at the last minute.
Unexplained injuries or explanations that don’t quite add up.
Of course if you see, hear, or suspect that someone is in immediate danger, call 911 immediately.
Melinda
All information is taken from the No More website.
Join me and No More in the ongoing fight against Domestic Violence. Domestic Violence is everyone’s business and you could save a life. Make the call to 911 if you hear or see anything, it could save a life.
I grew up in a Domestic Violence household and the traumatic experience was painful and harrowing at times. I watched my step-father put a knife to my mother’s throat when I was nine years old, the image never left me.
“TOGETHER, WE CAN HELP FREE THOSE HARMED BY DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE.” No More
NO MORE is dedicated to ending domestic violence and sexual assault by increasing awareness, inspiring action and fueling culture change.
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