“Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain, and you feel the rain, but you are not the rain.” – Matt Haig This is an important truth to grasp. You may struggle with mental illness. You may be displaying the effects of trauma. But none […]

Quote of the Day — Don’t Lose Hope

A special thanks to Berthe Nkok of Carenity for taking the time to interview me. 

FIBROMYALGIA, LYME DISEASE, CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME, BIPOLAR DISORDER AND DEMENTIA: “BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES!”

Published Jul 27, 2022 • By Berthe Nkok

Melinda was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, bipolar disorder and dementia.

A few years later, she launched her blog, Looking for the Light, to share her story, advocate for her causes and hopefully, help a few along the way.

Read her story below!

Hello Melinda, thank you for agreeing to talk to Carenity. 

First of all, could you tell us more about yourself?

I’m a lively woman going on 60 years old who has been married to her sweetheart for 20 years. I love my blog, photography, helping others, advocating for my causes like mental health and chronic illnesses. And I can’t forget my two dogs. 

You have several illnesses. Could you tell us which ones? When were you diagnosed with each of them? What were the first signs of each?

I have fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, bipolar disorder and dementia.  

Lyme disease was very difficult to diagnose, it took me 1.5 years which is quick compared to many. It caused my fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and dementia. This was 2015. 

As for my mental illness, I was diagnosed at 19 years old.

What is life like with fibromyalgia, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue syndrome, bipolar disorder and dementia? Do you receive comprehensive care, or do you see several specialists? How do you feel about your current management? What are your treatments?

Life can be a total challenge some days and not so bad others. One thing I believe in is self-care. This extra hour or so a day helps me get in touch with my body, to nourish it, unwind and help my body regenerate. I see several specialists and have a varied treatment plan. The treatment plan that can change the most is for my mental illness.

According to you or to the doctors, is there a link between your conditions?

Lyme disease was caused my fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and dementia. The rest have not been linked.

On a daily basis, which condition requires the most follow-up or is the most disabling? Why?

My mental illness requires the most attention because I must be aware of my moods throughout the day, take medication several times a day and keep my doctor informed if having a problem with medication.

Do you have a family history of any of your conditions?

I have a family history of dementia, but it was caused by a stroke.

Do you feel supported by your family and friends? Do they understand your daily life with the disease?

Yes! The key to that is taking my husband or another person with me to my critical appointments. That way I have two sets of ears, someone to take notes, who can mention a symptom I may have forgotten or help me clarify what the doctor is saying.

What is the impact of your conditions on your private and professional life? What misconceptions do you frequently hear about your so-called “invisible” diseases?

I don’t really hear anything about invisible illness, but my lifestyle doesn’t allow me to interact with many people. Personally, the biggest toll has been on my freedom and the intimacy with my husband.

Shortly after, you decided to launch your blog “Looking for the Light”. Why did you make this choice? What messages do you want to convey to your readers?

The mission of the blog was to share my story, advocate for my causes and hopefully help a few along the way. The key message I have for everyone is to keep moving forward.

What are your plans for the future?

Continue on as I’m already retired, work and family caused me to leave my career early.

Finally, what advice would you give to Carenity members who, like you, are affected themselves or have a loved one affected by one or many invisible chronic illnesses?

The key is understanding, if you care about the person, do your homework, learn about the illness. Don’t judge when they have to bow out or cancel plans. And if it’s a partner I highly recommend including them in your doctors’ appointments. This has helped me so much.

There’s no trying to repeat or ask questions about what the doctor said because they are right there and since they are hearing from the doctor’s mouth, you don’t have to tell them.

Any last words?

Be honest with yourself and your loved ones! There will be those that don’t listen, that’s their problem. Communicate how you’re doing without the complaining tone. If you’re struggling either physically or mentally you need to reach out. Both can cause depression.

Many thanks to Melinda for sharing her story with us on Carenity! 

 I want to say a special thank you to Laura Sebright, Marketing & Ecommerce Executive at Trigger Publishing for sending this very interesting book for review.

About the Author

On October 18th 2014, Adelaide was in a bike crash that would change her life. She went through the driver’s side window of a car that pulled in front of her, suffering injuries that almost killed her – and emotional trauma that would continue for years to come. In addition to facing the physical injuries and PTSD, Adelaide worried about how the crash would affect her ability to cope with her bipolar II. After an arduous recovery, she returned to riding, eventually qualifying to become a professional triathlete. She is an advocate for cyclists’ safety and strives to help others who have suffered life-threatening crashes. Adelaide lives with her husband Kennett and their dog Maybellene. 

Blurb

When the red Fiat pulled out in front of Adelaide, she squeezed her bike’s brakes so hard that she left 50 feet of skid marks along the highway. The last thing she remembers is being lifted into the ambulance and someone saying, “Her face is peeled off.”

She spent five days in a medically-induced coma, during which surgeons picked glass from her face, reconstructed bones and inserted a stomach tube. She spent another six days unable to talk, at times gasping for air, enduring leech treatments to keep her necrotizing lip alive, and fearing a crippling bipolar episode. Without knowing what neurological damage or permanent disfigurement she’d be left with, her boyfriend Kennett proposed to Adelaide daily in the hospital, until she became conscious. But her recovery would extend far beyond the hospital and the visible physical injuries. 

DEGLOVED is about perseverance as well as failure, written to give hope to those living with mental illness, and anyone who has had a traumatic event thrust upon them, which threatened to destroy their lives.

My Thoughts

Where do you go after an accident almost cost took your life? For Adelaide, it’s moving forward slowly with an eye on recovery and sharing her story to help others. Not only was she in a coma, but also had reconstructive surgery, leech treatments, and fears that her Bipolar Disorder will pop its ugly head.

When you suffer from a traumatic injury it can cause PTSD and slow the recovery process. It can be more complicated if you have a mental illness, like Bipolar Disorder. For me, stress is a huge trigger for my Bipolar Disorder and it’s something I have to keep an eye on. It can throw me into depression very quickly.

Degloved is a book of tragedy and triumph with great lessons to learn about life after unsurmountable odds. Adelaide is a strong person and her perseverance against the odds gave her life back. She’s also a walking example of what our body can do when it comes back from hell.

Adelaide pushes herself thru unimaginable odds to go on to not only compete again but is now a professional Triathlete.

This book is for anyone who has been involved in a traumatic event or knows someone that has. The book is great for caregivers.

I recommend the book hands down. It’s a great read and a very inspiring story.

Trigger Publishing

TriggerHub.org is the first mental health organization of its kind. We are bringing mental health recovery and balance to millions of people worldwide through the power of our books.

We have built a first-class resource of curated books produced and published in-house to create a unique collection of mental health recovery titles unrivaled in quality and selection. We work with experts, psychologists, doctors, and coaches to produce our books, but we also work with real people looking to share their stories to reach out to others and provide hope, understanding, and compassion. These brave authors also aim to raise awareness of mental health’s “human” face and its impact on everyday lives. 

Melinda

Repost

Looking for the Light

@lookinglight

Many of us have self-esteem problems at some point in our life and I’ve certainly had my share. This is a deeply personal post I wrote to show you how subtle it can be and how to recognize it in your own life. Stop in your tracks and speak up! If that means the end of a relationship, then so be it. 

I’m giving examples of life with my ex-husband and partner of 13 years. We were only married for five years so you would think I would have realized/seen or done something different other than getting married. 

I met my ex-husband when I was 27 years old, had lots of baggage, and just starting to grow my career. We moved in with each other after six months. RED FLAG. 

Not long after he went on a guy’s trip, about a week later a woman called the house asking for him. Come to find out he and his friends had partied with these women, he apparently didn’t tell her he was involved. The next day we were scheduled to go see family, I’m still fuming but I go anyway. Pretending everything was fine to our friends. 

About a year into our relationship I was given a trip to Jamaica by my boss. I booked the nicest room which happen to be the honeymoon suite. I didn’t say we were on our honeymoon just wanted the nicer suite. When he found out he went ballistic. Spent the evening flirting with another woman and ignoring me. I lay across the bed crying while he parties in the hot tub. 

We were on vacation in the UK and I got my hair cut while in London. My hair was mid-length and I had it cut short. He wouldn’t talk to me for three days. WFT was wrong with me, why didn’t I pack up when we got home?

We went tubing down the river every year with a bunch of friends, one year I got separated from the group. No water, beer, or money. After six hours of floating alone, he never stopped to wait for me. I got heat exhaustion from the day and had to go to the hospital. Never said he was sorry. Then to top it off wants to drive three hours out of the way home to pick up something. I’m in excruciating pain but went along. 

These are all things that happened before we were married. I didn’t see how he ran all over me and I let him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but did I think I deserved this behavior. Now he wasn’t always this way. He was magnetic, charming, outgoing, romantic, good looking. 

This is the day that broke the camel’s back. 

We were scheduled to go out to dinner and he came home four hours late, drunk, and never called. When I asked why he did care enough to call he blew me off. I was fuming. I got in the truck to go to dinner and he lifted his hand towards me. That was it. I got out of the truck, went to bed, cried, and decided to file for divorce. 

The thing is I didn’t realize how bad he treated me until I met my husband. It became clear that there are people who know how to treat people with love and respect. 

Don’t be a mouse, speak up for yourself and get out of a relationship where you are not valued and equal. 

Melinda

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week I highlight a new blogger, Katie Anna Banana. 

https://katieannabanana.wordpress.com

I started blogging to add some creativity to my day. I have some things to share, and I hope you’ll let me share them with you!

I am a reflector. Nowadays it’s difficult enough for me to think about the week ahead, let alone the past. What’s for dinner, what bills are due? I think it’s important to reflect, I believe I’ve shared my views on that before, and there is no better time to do that than the New Year.

Wishing only the best for myself, my loved ones, and my dear WordPress followers in 2022.

Please check out her site and the great posts she’s written. 

Melinda

Whether initiated by yourself or not, the breakdown of a relationship can be hard. You might find yourself in a difficult transition period. A period of adjustment while you get used to how your life looks and feels now. To help you in this transitional phase here are some practical steps you can take after the breakdown of a relationship. 

Consider your living arrangements 

If you have been living with your partner one of the first things you might want to think about is how you are going to manage this going forward. It can be a difficult subject that requires a lot of consideration and reason on both parts, especially if your finances/home aren’t legally protected. It is most important to put your mental health and wellbeing first, so ensure the steps you take to protect your health. It might be that the best step is to start looking for properties for rent, moving back in with parents temporarily, or if there are children involved, consider arrangements such as bird nesting to help ensure stability for all. It might be a difficult situation to be in but it will become easier as time goes by, especially if logic and sensibility can prevail. 

Avoid a rebound 

A rebound can seem like a great idea. At a time when you may be feeling emotionally low and in need of a self-esteem boost, looking for some additional attention can seem like the remedy you need. However, it is important to remember that the high you might experience from your rebound will wear off and the feelings you are left with may do more harm than good. A rebound relationship can also seem like a good idea to help numb some of the pain you might be experiencing from the loss of a relationship. Masking the pain does not however make it go away. It is important to work through the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing after losing a loved one to help you move on healthily. 

Be wary of social media 

Social media can be a painful place to spend your time in the aftermath of a relationship. This can be especially true if you share mutual friends. It can be painful to see your former partner out and about and all over social media and if you find it upsetting then take steps to protect yourself. Come off social media for a while or block or ‘hide’ your former partner so you cannot see their updates. While it can be tempting to follow their escapades and be apprised of what they are up to it can prove to have a damaging effect on your mental health and wellbeing. So, be kind to yourself and be very wary of how you use social media post-breakup. 

Do it in your own time

There is no time scale in which you should move on or get over a relationship and don’t be pressured into thinking otherwise. Allow yourself all the time you need to fully heal from your relationship breakdown. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Experiencing grief is difficult for everyone. From losing pets to seeing parents or friends pass away, no one ever feels truly ready for it. Grief can manifest in a variety of ways. Some of these can be positive, but there are also negative reactions that can make things worse for you and those around you. While you shouldn’t forget about your loved one, it is still important to accept what has happened and find ways to move forward and continue your life, because that’s what they would have wanted. 

Accept Your Pain 

One of the most important steps to acceptance and moving forward is to understand your emotions, which can be difficult if you have never encountered grief before. You will have a myriad of conflicting feelings; you might wonder if there is anything you could have done to change things, or regret not making the most of your time together. This is all part of the grieving process, and the sooner you accept your pain, the sooner you can start to feel better. This is not always an easy fix, and you may need to speak with other people to come to terms with it, but finding acceptance and coping with it positively will make things easier. 

Celebrate Their Life 

You may feel like you didn’t get a proper chance to say goodbye to your loved one, and this can raise several issues as you feel you’ve sorely missed out on something you’ll never get to do. If you are looking for ways to overcome these feelings, you can find ways to celebrate their life. Consider what they loved to do and do it yourself. You can throw a huge party or sit with your family and reminisce. Whatever you do, you will celebrate and honor their memory. 

Support Yourself 

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in grief that you completely ignore yourself. Some people can feel guilty that they are still alive when their loved one is not. But, it isn’t beneficial to ignore your well-being. Make sure you maintain a consistent sleep schedule, a good diet, and exercise, as these contribute to a better quality of life. They can also help release positive chemicals in your brain that allow you to cope with your grief. 

Consider The Next Steps 

As much as you don’t want to finalize your loss, you will need to think about the next steps. This could include the will or even selling their property and possessions. An estate sale can be difficult and even confusing, so working with companies like Clearly Quick Estate Liquidators can take the stress out of the entire process. You will get the chance to keep what matters to you, and the liquidators can do the rest of the work, so you don’t have to. 

Acceptance and Progress

The idea of moving forward can feel insensitive. But, these techniques do not mean you will ignore how your loved ones have influenced your life. You will still keep them in your thoughts whatever you do, but you will no longer allow the grief to impact your life. Instead, you can live the life the thief would have wanted you to, and you get the chance to make them proud. 

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

In 2014 an idea was hatched to create a site that would allow everyone to share their story in a safe environment and Survivors Blog Here was born. Now it’s 2022, it’s hard to put into words what the past eight years have meant to me and the contributors of Survivors Blog Here. We have […]

Help Us Celebrate Our 8th Anniversary — Survivors Blog Here Mental Health Collaborative

“Everyone says forgiveness is a good idea until they have something to forgive.” – C.S. Lewis Forgiveness is a difficult, and somewhat touchy, topic. It’s something we are told that we ought to offer others. But ask anyone, and you’re likely to hear that forgiveness is a struggle if you’ve been hurt and betrayed.  And […]

Why is it so hard to forgive? — Don’t Lose Hope

For years I’ve seen people put together a pie in the sky list of Resolutions at the beginning of each year and by the second or third month they look at the list and nothing is checked off. Here’s the reason, resolutions are wishes and wishes don’t magically come true. Resolutions set you up to fail.

If you want to accomplish something you have to set a goal, write it down, and have an action plan. That is how you look back and see progress during the year. The key to setting goals is to reaccess as the year progresses, maybe you need to change or set new goals.

I can wish to win the lottery and the only action I can take is to buy a ticket, the rest is up to karma! I have no control over winning beyond buying a ticket. But if I set a goal for something that is important for me to accomplish during the year and take action towards the goals then I have a good chance of accomplishing it if I want it bad enough.

I’m also realistic, I don’t have a list of 20 items, which is crazy. Set a reasonable number because you are going to have to put the work behind each goal to accomplish it.

Happy New Year!

I wish you all the success in the world and know it’s within your control.

Melinda

September is Recovery Awareness Month and it’s a very important month. Millions of Americans and people around the world are in recovery from alcohol, drug, or other addictions. We all need help, I’ve been there myself. I had a drinking problem for over 20 years, it took a long hard look at myself and the help of my medical team for me to quit.

Here’s what the month is all about

President Biden has proclaimed September 2021 as National Recovery Month. Read the proclamation here.

National Recovery Month (Recovery Month) is a national observance held every September to educate Americans that substance use treatment and mental health services can enable those with a mental and/or substance use disorder to live a healthy and rewarding life.

Recovery Month celebrates the gains made by those in recovery, just as we celebrate health improvements made by those who are managing other health conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, asthma, and heart disease. This observance reinforces the positive message that behavioral health is essential to overall health, prevention works, treatment is effective, and people can and do recover.

Addiction Resources

DetoxRehabs.net,

StartYourRecovery.org

Addiction Group.org

Local Non Profit Addiction Treatment Directory

AddictionResouce.net

Addiction Center.com Find Rehab Clinics In Your Area

Recovery.Org Find Addiction Treatment Near You

Rehab Centers Nation Wide (Insurance Specific)

Help Guide.org – Addiction Information

Drug Abuse Resources for Parents

SMART Recovery.Org – Self Management and Recovery Training

Mental Health Resources

Addiction Group.org

D’Amore Mental Health

Addiction Rehab Treatment.com/mental-health/depression/ 

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

International Bipolar Foundation

Mental Health America

MentalHealth.gov

National Institute of Mental Health

National Institute on Aging

National SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Press 1, Veterans Crisis Line USA
Press 2, Se Habla Español
LifeLine Chat

CrisisTextLine.org
Text 741-741
Facebook.com/CrisisTextLine

IMAlive.org Crisis Chat

TheTrevorProject.org (LGBTQ Youth)
1-866-488-7386 (24/7/365)
TrevorChat (7 days/week from 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)
TrevorText — text START to 678-678 (Mon–Fri, 3PM–10PM ET / noon–3PM PT)

VeteransCrisisLine.net

Brain & Behavior Research Foundation (BBRFoundation.org): Awards grants for scientific research. Keep up to date on latest research

International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF.org): Bipolar research. Care and support resources for individuals and caregivers. Erase stigma through education.

MentalHealth.gov: US government mental health resources and information.

MentalHealthAmerica.net (MHA): Address needs of those living with mental illness. Promote mental health.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI.org): Build better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH.nih.gov): Federal agency for research on mental disorders.

NeedyMeds.org: 1-800-503-6897. Educates and empowers those seeking affordable healthcare.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA.gov): Reduce the impact of substance abuse and mental illness on America’s communities.

Don’t hesitate to get help, you’re strong enough, and once on the other side support is there for you along your entire journey.

Melinda