Tag: Alcohol

I keep Moving Forward: *Not allowing My past to Chart the Future*

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”    Maya Angelo I am a Survivor My grandparents unconditional love pulled me from the abyss. After years of Therapy, I have a clear heart, no anger or self loathing. Not forgiving….forgetting, to allow myself to move forward. Over the years, people brought sunshine into my life. You were … Read More I keep Moving Forward: *Not allowing My past to Chart the Future*

Reckless, When I didn’t deserve it *God held my hand*

  The honest lyrics describe me, no others words needed. God had his hand on me. Tomorrow I’ll believe. Having a bad ME day. Sending love to you this weekend.  Xx  M

Rest in Peace Grandma * I hope your heart is cleansed of Anger *

Original post 11/2014  You receive from the world what you give to the world.  Oprah   My maternal grandma died this week. I have no emotion. I would like to tell a story of a grandma and her granddaughter bonding and building memories. I can’t write about bonding because booze was her best friend. My grandfather an alcoholic as well, I can’t recall his … Read More Rest in Peace Grandma * I hope your heart is cleansed of Anger *

Good Times Gone Bad

I started Looking for the Light on 2-22-2014, exactly 22 years after my father’s suicide. Every year on the date, my emotions/logic are so conflicted. I stopped drinking years ago but every year I get drunk, my coping mechanism. I thought my dad was cool as a child and we had lots of fun. My father had no clue how to parent, it was scream … Read More Good Times Gone Bad

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY 1940-1992 **A Daughters Elvis Tribute**

Original post 8/2014 Elvis Presley had a lifetime fan in my father. I remember playing his Elvis records at 4 yrs. old. Jumping on my friends pink canopy bed with hair brushes belting out Jailhouse Rock. After the divorce Daddy would visit driving to a mom & pop store, we’d get bottles of RC Cola, sitting in-car belting out to the radio. We had … Read More HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY 1940-1992 **A Daughters Elvis Tribute**

Crazy Throw Back Tuesday on a Pony

Original post 5/2014 My mother was physically abusing me at 2 years old, actually started around 6 months old. She would grab me by the arm and dig her nails in on the underside. Nobody could see that way. I learned early how to smile to cover the pain. How could anyone hit this child


Original post 5/2014 It was a normal Sunday like any other. I’m 6 and my brother was 3 1/2 years old, my mother was taking us to the lake. We never went to the lake, I began to get excited about playing in the water. I also grew concerned, what did she have on her mind. Even at 6 years old I knew she … Read More D I V O R C E

Andy Warhol’s “So Sweet” *Live For Today*

Original post 5/2014 I had to buy this Warhol because it was the complete opposite of my childhood. I saw the happy little girl and thought about me in kindergarten. She’s carrying a bag of candy and a good report card, again not me. What makes it so special is my mother told me I was stupid all the time. I began to believe her. … Read More Andy Warhol’s “So Sweet” *Live For Today*

Do you know me at all?

Original post 3/2014 It’s been an emotional month with thoughts of my father’s suicide and writing about him for the first time. I never grieved my father, the emotions caught me by surprise. It’s been very confusing because my father was one of my abusers. I am having health issues which is stressful. The Black Dog has come to see me. I have seen … Read More Do you know me at all?

Brother witnessed Child Abuse of only sister * Everybody Hurts*

Original post 3/2014 Everyone suffers in an abusive environment. Our house was always in chaos. An alcoholic stepfather who abused my mother and a mother who abused her daughter. There were three other children in the house who saw the abuse, heard the screams and threats. I used to think the victim was the only person with scars. At 9 years old I survived … Read More Brother witnessed Child Abuse of only sister * Everybody Hurts*

Nine years old living in Hell

Original post 4/2014 My brother and I called our stepfather a Nazi because he was mostly German and he would beat our mother unmercifully. Her crimes as we knew were not having dinner ready or not warm enough. The kids were to loud, noise was not allowed in the house, he was an alcoholic with major control issues. I was 9 years old, my … Read More Nine years old living in Hell

I almost Killed my Father

Original post 4/2014 I’m writing the post with the outcome first. It made sense to me when reliving it. The tides turn It’s beyond comprehension why my probation officer saw hope in me. I gave her no reason, I had lost hope in myself, in life for that matter. I didn’t speak one word to her for seven months. I attended weekly meetings for … Read More I almost Killed my Father

Could you hit your child?

Original post 3/2014 Both of my parents and stepfather abused me. We’re not talking spanking, we’re talking banging your head into the wall. I am 100% for discipline, accountability and house rules. You see children who have involved parents and the childs demeanor. I see parents yelling at the child while grocery shopping, belittling them in front of strangers. What we can’t see is child abuse. … Read More Could you hit your child?

We Must Partner With Doctor's In Managing Our Illness & Prescriptions

Face to Face time with doctors is shrinking as payments from insurance companies are further reduced. No longer are the Patient Consumer Information pamphlets included with prescriptions from manufactures, they cost money. The medication information we receive from pharmacies is a cover your ass view of a few possible side effects. Doctors work on reduced rates leaving no choice but see more patients. I believe … Read More We Must Partner With Doctor's In Managing Our Illness & Prescriptions

Chilling look at sex trafficking in America

My heart aches for the families torn apart by sex trafficking. I pray the dedication of law enforcement ends the abuse of young girls.

Thank you for making me the woman I am….Gramps I love you

1917-2010 XO All my love

Throw Back Thursday * Double Shot Bad Company With Paul Rogers*

I love Bad Company, another of my top fav bands. I can listen to Paul Rogers all day! Music was my escape from abuse. I have great memories, most not legal but quite fun. I associate music with times in my life and it holds true today. Time to take the shoes off, lean back in the chair, headphones on and let the music take … Read More Throw Back Thursday * Double Shot Bad Company With Paul Rogers*

Stalking Awareness: Spotlight On Marianne Bezaire * Marianne is a true Survivor*

If you’ve been stalked, you understand why the hair on my neck went up reading Marianne Bezaire’s nightmare. Starting in my late 20’s I was stalked for six years. The trauma on my family gut wrenching, we lived paralyzed by fear. At the time women being stalked received similar attitudes from some law enforcement agencies as rape survivors.  XO Warrior 1 in 6 women … Read More Stalking Awareness: Spotlight On Marianne Bezaire * Marianne is a true Survivor*

Throw Back Thursday * Triple Shot of Eagles Past and Present*

My first concert was the Eagles Hotel California tour in 1976. Those were some crazy times. How does the song go? One toke over the like…..the day of $10 four finger bags of pot. I know the concert was good, remember singing, toking and falling down three flight of stairs without injury. A life time ago but the Eagles music is timeless.   XO … Read More Throw Back Thursday * Triple Shot of Eagles Past and Present*

Hundreds of Thousands RAPE KITS UNTESTED

END THE BACKLOG Give closure to Rape victims  Give jail time to Abuser What are we saying to victims? Victims are not important?. Raped at 11 & 12 years old, I didn’t tell a soul. My mother would have beat me silly. Some of you will know this first hand. It takes close to six hours to go through the photos, poking, scraping and … Read More Hundreds of Thousands RAPE KITS UNTESTED

Stations of the Cross

This post does not preach or try to convert anyone of any religion. It’s the story of my intersection with the Catholic Church at 13 years old. In my recent post “I Almost Killed My Father” I told of spending a year at a Convent for bad girls. It is here I became familiar to the Catholic Religion. Growing up we did not go to church. … Read More Stations of the Cross

Daddy was 52 on 2/22/1992

My father suffered from Mental Illness his entire life. When he was a teen, Doctor’s told my grandmother he was hyperactive and gave her tranquilizers. I doubt he took one pill. Estranged since I was thirteen years old, I could not look my abuser in the eye. Daddy started calling when I was 28 years old. He was delusional, talking in sentences that made no … Read More Daddy was 52 on 2/22/1992

%d bloggers like this: