Tag: Domestic Violence

Abuse · Anxiety · Children · Depression · Domestic Violence · Health and Wellbeing · Mental Health · Suicide · Survivor · Therapy

How Does Domestic Violence Turn To Murder/Suicide?

Looking for the Light30 Comments

 

wings-vector-element_G11agnL__L

Last week a murder-suicide happened in the neighborhood, the house behind us. I was very ill and on pain meds, my husband shielded me from conversations with the Police and the family. I felt the pain of my father’s suicide but quickly focused on the kids in our house.  

The father had been released from jail for domestic violence, but he first stopped to buy a gun, then went home, killing his wife and himself in front of the kids.

My husband came upstairs saying two kids were downstairs, they thought the father killed their mother. I went down to get water and speak to the kids, nothing heavy, a half hug. The kids were 8,10,17 years old. My heart was breaking for them and their future pain. I offered some snacks and went back upstairs. By now there are 4 to 6 Police in the house. One said the  17-year-old ran out of the house when he heard the shot, and police were surrounding the house. The police knocked on the family’s door and he shot himself as they entered the house.

Both parents are dead. How do tell three kids their parents are dead. Your father killed your mother and then himself. Several officers were fighting back tears. I lost my breath thinking of the kid’s future. The girl called family members,  they were on the way to our house.

Once the family arrived, a few facts came out. The parents had been separated for some time. He was in jail for Domestic Violence. His mother bailed him out and he went straight home. She was helping a son she loved, chances are violence never crossed her mind.

The Police took the kids and family to Advocacy Center. The center can start therapy and offer help from trained professionals.

After 11:00 a.m. two guys looking professional were talking to a neighbor. I went over to see if I could help. I didn’t know they were reporters. I shared how little I know. They wanted to do an interview, right or wrong I did. I could only say over and over, that my heart breaks for the three kids, they don’t understand, they’re in shock and they have no parents.

I ask God to carry the three kids in your hand, help them through the shock, and cradle them when they need you most. The traumatized kids will need help coping with the unbearable pain and need help working through trauma which can take years.

Xx  M

Repost from 2016.

(Updated) What can we learn from Alaska’s law on Domestic Violence
Advocacy · Celebrate Life · Dating Violence · Domestic Violence · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Rape · Sexual Abuse · Survivor

(Updated) What can we learn from Alaska’s law on Domestic Violence

Looking for the Light6 Comments

During the past two-plus years of living with the pandemic Domestic Violence has increased dramatically. We have to keep the topic of Dometic Violence in our lawmaker’s front mirror in order to enact change. 

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

I flipped to the National Geographic channel to find Alaska State Troopers one day. Watching was a blessing. The show opened my eyes to ending domestic violence. Ending domestic violence is happening now, not somewhere in the future. We have to raise our voices louder and demand the same protection for all abused in other states. Below are notes were taken while watching several episodes.

Fairbanks, Alaska has the highest number of domestic violence cases in America.

Domestic violence calls are dispatched to Troopers as top priority status. Everyone on the scene was interviewed, once established as a domestic violence case, it’s an automatic assault charge and trip to jail. Other charges will follow based on the situation.

This is a very condensed version of what I watched:

A fight escalates, and the female screaming loudly to get out of the house. Punched multiple times, raped, and once outside pulled by the hair back into the house. When the police arrive she’s in the front yard in bra and panties, visible marks of being hit in the face, crying and trying to convince police nothing happened. Troopers receive education on domestic violence behavior. One officer goes into the house with a gun drawn. The second keeps lightly pushing, why is she in the front yard in her bra and panties with visible marks on her face. The male was taken to the side of the house, interviewed, handcuffed, and lead to a car. Officer provides a jacket to cover herself and support her, and she tells her what happened to leave out being raped. Her disheveled appearance tips one officer to ask what else happened. She bows her head crying not wanting to go to the hospital and tells of being raped. Thru the support and gentle urging, she agrees to hospital. The male was charged with assault and kidnapping for not allowing her to leave.

A neighbor hears a woman screaming, and goes to investigate. He witnesses a man beating a woman which quickly spills to the front yard. The neighbor calls the police, and they arrive to see a man running into the woods. One head into the woods with a gun drawn. The second officer discovers the male running is jealous of her other boyfriend. He looked thru the window to see another boyfriend there and breaks into the back door. He also assaulted the man. The abuser was charged with assault and taken to jail.

In Alaska, there is no first-time pass, first time, and every time abuser goes to jail. The top priority status given to DV calls backed by state laws written to protect all citizens, gives me hope. The laws in other states sound good to those who turn an eye to the problem. When states charge a teen for smoking pot with a  seven-year jail term and a murderer walks out in less than two years on good behavior, the legal system requires an overhaul. As paying taxpayers we have the right to vote, speak out and advocate for change.

Be sure you know where your lawmaker stands on Domestic Violence and vote accordingly. 

I want more people to see what can be done to stop Domestic Violence. 

Melinda

Thru The Eyes Of A Child
Abuse · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Mental Health · Parental Abuse · Survivor

Thru The Eyes Of A Child

Looking for the Light1 Comment

Growing up in a household of Domestic Violence is traumatic, lonely, heartbreaking and forever changes the person you are and who you become.

My step-father would regularly drag my mother down the hall, beating her head from one side to the other, calling her vial names. The hall ended at my bedroom door. I heard all saw the brunt of her pain.

One evening after he was drinking heavily again, he dragged her down the hall, only this time when they stopped at my bedroom door I heard her begging for her life. I peeked out the door carefully and found he had a knife to her throat. I knew he was going to kill her. Then what?

I ran away that night, I was nine years old. That’s more than a child can handle. I went to my boyfriend’s house across town and told his parents what happened. Of course, they had to call my mother after I calmed down. I received a beating for that before we even turned the corner.

I was also emotionally and physically abused by my mother and stepfather which added my train wreck of a life.

It took years of therapy and medication for me to clearly see I was not to blame and even longer to grieve for the little girl whose childhood was ripped away piece by piece.

It was almost 20 years later before my brother had to pull a gun on my step-father to make him leave while beating my mother. 

Here are a few organizations that can help:

Joyful Heart Foundation   joyfulheartfoundation.org

RAINN.org  has provided support to the National Assault Hotline for since 1994 Many other services are provided and available in English & Spanish

National Domestic Hotline Resources/Support  24/7  1-800-799-7233   Live Chat Daily from 7am-2am Central Standard Time  1-800-787-3224

No More NoMore.org

If you’re in a Domestic relationship that is violent, have a plan for the day you need to leave and only tell the most trusted person where you are. Get a new cell phone and don’t use joint credit cards. Get as far away as you can and take your children.

Keep your eyes and ears open, most importantly look at the children, their actions and remember the eyes can tell you everything.

Melinda

Domestic Violence Thru The Eyes Of A Child
Abuse · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Mental Health · Parental Abuse · Survivor

Domestic Violence Thru The Eyes Of A Child

Looking for the Light5 Comments

Growing up in a household of Domestic Violence is traumatic, lonely, and heartbreaking and forever changes the person you are and who you become. I was also emotionally and physically abused by my mother and stepfather which added to my train wreck of a life.

It took years of Therapy and medications to clearly see I was not to blame and even longer to grieve for the little girl whose childhood was ripped away.

Watch the video, and look for the nuances of violence or controlling behavior. At the end of the video, the physical abuse becomes crystal clear. Thank God someone was there to help her getaway.

If you’re in a Domestic relationship that is violent, have a plan for when the day comes when you need to leave.

XX

Tears started my day, who knows what triggered the thought of this post and song.  

Original post 4/26/2015

young sick looking me
I feel the pain but know I have to smile.

I witnessed my mother beat emotionally and physically every day, it created chaos in my young mind. A tornado burned a hole in my heart. I couldn’t understand the feelings of pain when abused and watching abuse. Child abuse leaves a deep scar in my heart. During a conversation, a friend expressed fear over how the high-conflict divorce was impacting the kids. A volcano erupted in me, I survived Domestic Violence and had no idea. I thank the Army of Angels for being a friend. My eyes were opened during our conversation. The video is heartbreaking, beautiful, and hopeful. 

XO  Warrior

Sunday Thoughts
Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Sunday Thoughts

Looking for the Light13 Comments

This year…..

I’ve driven myself four times.

Had 15 doctor’s appointments, only three of which were Telehealth.

One CT Scan.

One Bone Scan.

Two Mammograms.

Seven X-rays.

Nine Lab appointments.

Six referrals to specialists.

Four steroid shots, one shoulder, three in the knee.

One round Botox for TMJ.

Rescheduled Colonsocpy twice due to pandemic, on indefinite hold now.

Haven’t slept a solid night since July due to pain, wake up between 1:30-3:30 a.m. after pain medication wears off.

Six new prescriptions.

Diagnosed with new immune disorder, Hypogammaglobulinemia.

TB Test, two Pneumonia shots, two Shingles shots, and one flu shot.

I’m one of the lucky chronically ill patients, I feel relatively good.

In health,

Melinda

Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Sunday Thoughts

Looking for the Light7 Comments

We all have the ability to chart our own course. Some will have a harder time than others but we can all take the wheel and carve out a life we want to live.

We achieve this by making small decisions every day that make a big impact on the whole. It’s not always the big steps we take, but it’s the small steps that will steer our path in the long haul.

One of the biggest steps I’ve taken to find happiness is to avoid negativity, which includes limiting the amount of news I watch daily, severe negative relationships, and limit social media interaction.

Another big step this year has been to make my mental health a priority. This includes self-care, tackling new challenges, and above all seeing about my physical health daily. That means taking my medication, keeping my critical doctor’s appointments, moving more often than sitting, eating a little better, and setting realistic expectations.

I work hard to give myself credit for what I accomplish each day, no matter how small it may seem. I work within my limits and don’t beat myself up if I can’t go the extra mile.

Last but not LEAST, I’m grateful. I try to look at the smallest things like I dropped a pill on the floor and I found it before my dog’s grateful. 

The key is I’m driving the car, I’m behind the wheel.

What steps do you take each day to change your destiny?

In health,

Melinda

Abuse · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Health and Wellbeing

Domestic Violence Thru The Eyes Of A Child

Looking for the Light5 Comments
adult alone anxious black and white

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I wanted to share some thoughts. This isn’t much of a post but some thoughts I had in 2015 when triggered after seeing Sam Hunt’s video, I just want to take your time. You have to pay close attention to the subtext in the video if you’re not familiar with Domestic Violence. The video starts with a fight and ends in one, a very important life-changing one. 

Original post 4/26/2015

I witnessed my mother get beaten emotionally and physically every day, it created chaos in my young mind. A tornado burned a hole in my heart. I couldn’t understand the feelings of pain when being abused and watching abuse. Child abuse leaves a deep scar in my heart, so does seeing abuse.

A volcano erupted in me, I survived Domestic Violence and had no idea.

The video is heartbreaking, beautiful, and hopeful. 

https://youtu.be/iXi6IHFHeIA

In Health,

Melinda

Abuse · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Parental Abuse · Survivor

Sunday Thoughts, I Was A Child

Looking for the Light32 Comments

I was a child, six months old. You left me in the bathtub while you answered the door. Did you want me to drown?

I was a child, a baby, running a high fever in the middle of winter. You pushed my highchair in front of an open window to cool me down. Did your mother teach you that?

I was a child, a toddler, You dug your nails into my underarms so none would see the bruises. Granny didn’t understand why I cried so hard when you grabbed me by the arm.

I was a child, a teenager. You slapped me for the last time, I fought back. One swing and your husband punches me in the mouth with his fist. Were you glad he came to your rescue?

I was a child, a teenager. You told Child Protective Services I was mentally ill and you were trying to get me admitted to the state hospital. Crazy, who me?

I became an adult, no longer a child, and realized the manipulation and pain you caused and severed all ties. Why do you still send my Birthday and Christmas cards?

I was a child…..

Melinda

Domestic Violence thru the eyes of a Child
Survivor

Domestic Violence thru the eyes of a Child

Looking for the Light7 Comments

Tears started my day, who knows what triggered the thought of this post and song.  M

Original post 4/26/2015

young sick looking me
I feel the pain but know I have to smile.

I witnessed my mother beat emotionally and physically everyday, it created chaos in my young mind. A tornado burned a hole in my heart. I couldn’t understand the feelings of pain when abused and watching abuse. Child abuse leaves a deep scar in my heart. During a conversation, a friend expressed fear over how the high conflict divorce was impacting the kids. A volcano erupted in me, I survived Domestic Violence and had no idea. I thank Army of Angels for being a friend. My eyes were opened during our conversation. The video is heartbreaking, beautiful and hopeful. 

XO  Warrior

Domestic Violence thru the eyes of a Child
Survivor

Domestic Violence thru the eyes of a Child

Looking for the Light32 Comments

Tears started my day, who knows what triggered the thought of this post and song.  M

Original post 4/26/2015

young sick looking me
I feel the pain but know I have to smile.

I witnessed my mother beat emotionally and physically everyday, it created chaos in my young mind. A tornado burned a hole in my heart. I couldn’t understand the feelings of pain when abused and watching abuse. Child abuse leaves a deep scar in my heart. During a conversation, a friend expressed fear over how the high conflict divorce was impacting the kids. A volcano erupted in me, I survived Domestic Violence and had no idea. I thank Army of Angels for being a friend. My eyes were opened during our conversation. The video is heartbreaking, beautiful and hopeful. 

XO  Warrior

Bipolar Disorder · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Mental Illness · Moving Forward · Parental Abuse · Sexual Abuse · Survivor

I keep Moving Forward: *Not allowing My past to Chart the Future*

Looking for the Light3 Comments

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”    Maya Angelo

I am a Survivor

My grandparents unconditional love pulled me from the abyss. After years of Therapy, I have a clear heart, no anger or self loathing. Not forgiving….forgetting, to allow myself to move forward. Over the years, people brought sunshine into my life. You were like Angels dropping in when I needed a push or pat on back.

My mother and stepfather physically and emotionally abused me until 12 years old. My stepfather beat my mother almost daily starting with hitting her head side to side down the hallway, the hallway ended at my room. Everyone in the house lived in hell, I got an extra dose.

As a small girl, I dreamed my father would save me from the traumatic abuse. The dream was over, he started sexually abusing me as a child. It was innocent at first or so it seemed. At 12 years old I moved to my father’s. It’s impossible to wrap your head around sexual abuse at any age.

In 1992 my father committed suicide. Estranged since my teens, we talked several times before his death. He called delusional and paranoid. Saying someone was tapping his phone. He told me about committing suicide, I told no one. The news devastated Granny her only child was dead. With a closed casket service it’s hard to reconcile death when you can’t see inside.

I battle with Treatment Resistant Bipolar Disorder. Diagnosed at 19 years old, I struggled for years without medication or over medicated. Thru the years I ‘ve taken over 40 prescriptions or drugs cocktails. A medication or medications worked for a while, then I had to try another mix.

Bipolar Disorder is a Mental Illness without a cure. I manage my illness everyday and each is different. Through advances in medicine and treatments, future generations may not struggle with Mental Illness. We can pay it forward by participating in questionnaires, clinical trials and talking about our illness. Educating others is the road to Breaking The Stigma.

I am alive with the help of God, Husband, Grandparents, Therapist and Psychiatrist. I’m blessed with a husband who won’t give up no matter how hard it gets.I get mean & nasty when going thru withdraw, Psychotic or Suicidal. 

My background and Mental Illness is NOT a complete picture of who I am. Photography, Art and Music are my passions. I love vintage cars, riding motorcycles and the great outdoors. As a teenager I set a  goal to see the world, the Bucket List is growing.

Student of Ancient History, Roman Architecture, World Religion and Art. I’m an animal lover. I’m sickened by animals being abused and killed testing dog food or facial cream. I’m concerned about extinction, global poverty and the planet. Above all Education, children are our future.

 

This is a snapshot of my past, I believe with the right team of doctors, treatments, extreme patience, Survivor attitude, most with Mental Illness  can reach a level of control. If it just came with a guarantee to not get out of balance. The only failure is not getting up again.

A hurdle in my twenties was telling my doctor I wouldn’t take a medication. I was vain, gaining twenty pounds wouldn’t work for me. I received many attitude adjustments, whats my reality? How did I expect to get less Depressed. My doctor is hard on me 20+ years later. He is a blessing, the commitment to me is the reason I’m alive today.

M

Abuse · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Mental Illness · Moving Forward · Parental Abuse · Rape · Sexual Abuse · Suicide

A Mother’s Guilt

Looking for the Light1 Comment

eye      Daughter

My Birthday wish for You

I hope that every candle brings a new wish.

I hope the Smile that lights your face stays there all year-long.

I hope everything  you’ve dreamed it will come true.

I hope you know how much I love You

and how proud I am of you.

Happy Birthday With So Much Love.

Card from my Mother

You can’t give back what you took from my life.

Xx  M

Advocacy · Celebrate Life · Chronic Lyme Disease · Elderly · Moving Forward

I want all WP friends to join me for a large celebration, party hats, clowns, kazoos, dancing Queen

Looking for the Light5 Comments

I celebrate my 7th year blogging anniversary and turn 53 in four days. Neither occasion are important on their own. What make this year so special is I’m alive. So many of you prayed , sent well wishes yet never treated me different.

I started my first blog to help grieve my granny’s death. Flash forward, I’m blessed learning other cultures around the world. Blogging with millions of people at WP there are opportunities to learn, share and clarify the misunderstood. The most important lesson learned is people are generally good.

I’m free to write my thoughts, some will not agree, others will not. We need different perspectives to broaden our mind.

Thank you for making every year a good one. I appreciate the kind thoughts, asking how I’m doing and treating me normal. I hope to see you in the years to come.

Party On!!!!! Pass the milk please!

Hugs

Melinda

Abuse · Advocacy · Rape · Sexual Abuse · Ted Talks

How to Protect the Civil Rights of Sexual Assault Survivors

Looking for the Light1 Comment

May 19, 2016

TED Talks
Karen Eng

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Karen Eng is a contributing writer to TED.com, dedicated to covering the feats of the wondrous TED Fellows. Her launchpad located in Cambridge, UK.

My memory attacks me every week. I could not remember how to have the story start here. It’s long, informative and looks like a good resource.  Xx  M

http://www.theredtapeofrape/

Advocacy · Child Abuse · Domestic Violence · Rape · Sexual Abuse

Child Marriages, life of beatings and Sexual Assault by husband

Looking for the Light3 Comments

 

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped for a marriage to a much older man, as depicted in the film Difret. On the day I was abducted, I was raped by my would be “husband.” I knew I had to fight back and escape the first chance I got.
I was taken to a hut and locked up. When I received another visit from my abductors I saw my chance. When he was suddenly called away, he left his gun leaning against the wall and the door unlocked. My father had taught me how to fire a gun, so I took it and ran. When he and his friends chased me, I shot him. It was the most terrifying, horrible ordeal of my entire life — and I’m one of the lucky ones.

I was accused of murder and after 2 years in the courts, the judge ruled that it was, in fact, self-defense. My trial led to a re-examination of this tradition and the Ethiopian government is now working to end child marriage and female genital cutting by 2025. In addition, the African Union recently launched a campaign to end child marriage across the continent.
I am now dedicating my life to working on this issue and to give voice to the screams of unheard rural women and girls. I don’t want to see the same story happen to any more girls. And yet, it still is.

You can help. Please join me in Ending Child Marriage around the world by signing this petition, asking President Obama to sign the executive order that would help prevent an estimated 39,000 child marriages every day.

To see her inner strength, strength to move the process forward. A few World Leaders have signed bills to End Child Marriage. The  World Leaders are moving slow. All victories, women are being heard, conversations are taking place.

Please read her story. It’s painful, unimaginable and most courageous yet my soul feels progress for reading her story. 

The movie Difret@Difretfilm highlights real courage. The movie received an award Sundance and others at it traveled to new audiences.

https://www.change.org/p/barack-obama-john-kerry-michelle-obama-sign-the-executive-order-bring-an-end-to-child-marriage?recruiter=84245119&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink?recruiter=84245119&utm_source=petition_show&utm_medium=copylink

This petition is supported by Global Fund for Women, Ms Magazine, Equality Now and Truth Aid. The petition is supported by highly respected Advocates. Please sign and join advocates around the world.

America · Celebrate Life · Domestic Violence · Family · Freedom of Speech · Moving Forward

Throw Back Thursday *Words To Live By*

Looking for the Light7 Comments

I met with the Lyme Doctor on Monday, arriving home yesterday emotionally and physically drained. I knew music would lift my spirit. The videos are special to me for the message. I’m blessed even when it sounds differently. Thank you for bringing sunshine with your comments.               RIP Merle Haggard.    Xx  M

Alcohol · Bullying · Child Abuse · Family · Parental Abuse

Faded Memories II *From Melody to Mody*

Looking for the Light45 Comments

I was born with healthy lungs and strong personality 

me baby

My parents chose Melinda Melody 1963. Melody was my fathers idea. To this day, my mother calls me Melody. I thought it was emotional abuse. In truth, She hated my father and used the name he chose.

Emotionally  broken down to unconditional love of my grandparents. God Blessed me with my grandparents, I can’t repay you with words. What I can do is support others. I became a Minister and started a charity. God give me the strength to mentor children.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Living in a household with child abuse and domestic violence, the days without violence can disappear. The memories, faded memories can trigger deep pain if the door is open. My trigger thru me in the abysses from listening to a song listened to hundreds of times.

I felt like a bomb landed in my lap, the arrival created complete chaos.  The memories were part of the chaos in my life. Shortly after the divorce from my father, my mother married shortly and my father married later. My brother and I called him the Nazi. He was an alcoholic, possessive and we marched to his beat. The verbal abuse started and shortly escalated to domestic abuse. We walked on eggshells constantly.

A couple years into marriage my mother finds out he was married before with two children. We starting going to Houston regularly without knowing why. He was fighting the mother for custody of the kids. Sure!  My brother and I were told our step brother’s were moving in. It was a shock trying to figure out what would change? Would we like them?

Mony Mony by Billy Idol brings back memories of my step-brother Paul. Paul and his brother came to live with us because of neglect. Their mother was a drug addict and would leave them at home for weeks at a time. Paul the youngest, regressed to a baby, learning to talk again was difficult. My mother has called me Melody, my middle name all my life. He called me Mody. Paul died in a tragic accident to young. His older brother Keith was abandoned at age 14 yrs old.

My step brothers lived in fear, years later we find out step father had several wife and more kids.

Xx  M

Advocacy · Domestic Violence · Moving Forward

New Resources for Hispanic Women

Looking for the Light1 Comment

Para obtener información sobre la Sala de Ayuda en espanol, haga clic aquí.  Xx  M

Dear Friend,

Today I’m proud to announce a new and very critical service for Spanish-speaking survivors: a confidential peer-support chatroom. La Sala de Ayuda (Helproom) is now open on Wednesdays and Saturdays from 7 to 9 pm ET. This service provides the kind of help that can make such a difference in a survivor’s healing process-the knowledge that they are not alone and the opportunity for survivors to support one another.

Last year, the National Sexual Assault Hotline expanded to serve Spanish-speaking individuals. Today, Spanish-speaking survivors and loved ones are able to:
*Read RAINN’s top content in Spanish
*Chat one-on-one with a trained support specialist
*Access peer support with fellow survivors

Rosie Juarez, moderator

In the words of Rosie Juarez, who moderates La Sala de Ayuda, “Often in the Spanish-speaking community, there is a fear of sharing your story-a fear that you won’t be believed or find the right support. On La Sala de Ayuda there is only support. There are other survivors who let you know that you’re not alone.” Rosie Juarez and Josue Melendez will moderate the service and ensure confidentiality.
Josue Melendez, moderator
Learn more from La Sala de Ayuda staff about how this new service works, and why it’s so critical for Spanish-speaking survivors and their loved ones.

Con gratitud,
Candice Lopez,
Director of the National Sexual Assault Hotline

PS -Tweet about this service to connect even more with help:
Check out #LaSalaDeAyuda, RAINN01’s new peer support service: http://ow.ly/Y8NL7. #RAINNayuda

Mande un Tweet acerca de este servicio para conectar a muchos más con ayuda:
Mira #LaSalaDeAyuda, @RAINN01’s servicio nuevo de apoyo en español: http://ow.ly/Y8NxD. #RAINNayuda

Alcohol · Child Abuse · Mental Illness · Parental Abuse · Suicide

Could you hit your child?

Looking for the Light3 Comments

Original post 3/2014

Both of my parents and stepfather abused me. We’re not talking spanking, we’re talking banging your head into the wall. I am 100% for discipline, accountability and house rules. You see children who have involved parents and the childs demeanor. I see parents yelling at the child while grocery shopping, belittling them in front of strangers.

What we can’t see is child abuse. Child abuse is a taboo topic for most. My mother physically and emotionally abused me. I never told anyone, not even close family. I walked on eggshells at home. My first attempt at suicide was at 9 years old.  One morning I went to make breakfast and my mother told me I could not wear those jeans to school. This was the early 1970’s I was in 7th grade and probably argued with her. All the years my mother abused me, I never hit back.

This morning was different. She started calling me a slut. She came to grab me and I hit her in the face. We were fighting and my stepfather walks in. Picture a 100 lbs. 12-year-old with braces getting hit in the mouth with a fist by of grown man. The inside of my mouth was bleeding from the braces breaking the skin. I had a bruise from nose to chin and some blackness around the eyes. I was not allowed to go to school for several days.

When I returned most of the bruising was still visible. I was a pro at making up reasons for the cuts and bruises in the past and made one to use for this if asked. I almost made it thru the day when my Music teacher asked me to come in the hall. I swore by my story like the best lair you’ve seen. She probably knew long before that day, today it was the bruises on the face.

She made me go to the school counselor and tell her what happened. Before saying anything, I ask to call my grandmother. I told her what was going down and it was going to get ugly. I didn’t say anything when I got home and went straight to my room as usual. The next day I entered hell. I arrived at school, two CPS workers were waiting to interview me. I begged for over two hours crying hysterically not to file a report or contact my mother. They were doing their job, unfortunately it is not always the best solution for the child involved.

A couple of weeks later CPS stopped by unannounced. Fire filled my mother’s eyes. Her story was I lied all the time, had a very low IQ and she was waiting on an opening at the Terrell Mental Hospital. I was no angel but nothing out her mouth was true. I had my head beat into the counter and walls for that smart move. I kept thinking how could any mother watch a grown man hit her child. By end of school year I had tried to kill myself several times including cutting myself at school.

I would feel an obligation to the child if I saw abusive behavior. Thinking about a child getting hit, starved, chained to the floor, all current headlines, are hard to swallow. I question if the shootings and bullying at schools are the long-term effect of children looking for attention or a child/teen at the end of rope. I would like to hear your thoughts on Child Abuse and how it affects school today. I don’t have the answers. After years of therapy, I don’t feel emotion when talking about my abuse.

M/Warrior

Advocacy · Celebrate Life · Moving Forward

The import from previous Blog is completed *Adding close to 500 additional post*

Looking for the Light4 Comments

Time to celebrate!!!! Bring your kazoo, streamers, silly string and lots of cupcakes. I can finally say Looking for the Light has merged with Looking for the Light Blog.

The conversion took longer than expected. Now Looking for the Light (previous) blog completes the transition to http:lookingforthelightblog.wordpress.com. The conversion added almost 500 new post dating back to 2005.

I have learned a valuable lesson, starting a new site and importing post from previous blog will give you grey hair. The confusion during the holidays was crazy for me and many followers.

I appreciate those who stayed with me. Many people didn’t know where my blog would be the next day. Neither did I, every morning was a guessing game.

A special thanks to friends and followers, we completed the journey from hell.

Xx  M

 

Abuse · Domestic Violence

My Husband Threw Acid In My Face

Looking for the Light5 Comments

NEW CHANGE.ORG PETITION

READING MADE ME WANT TO WORK HARDER ON WOMENS RIGHTS AROUND THE WORLD.

After having lived for seven years with an abusive husband, I decided it was time to leave. I didn’t think I would survive another year if I stayed, so in 2011, I walked out the door and broke the crippling silence and isolation the abuse had made me feel. I felt empowered and free, and finally looked forward to my future. But because I left my marriage, my husband considered me “disobedient” and, therefore, worthy of punishment. So one day, when he called me to pick up my children at his house and suddenly acid was thrown at my face and body.

The next thing I knew, my face felt as if it were on fire. My skin was literally melting away.
He thought he would break my spirit, but he only made me stronger. Since my attack, I have been fighting to put an end to this horrific practice in my country of Uganda, and I need your help to do it. Please support our petition by asking H.E. President Yoweri Museveni Kaguta to sign the Toxic Chemicals Bill into law.

That is my story, but there are many more, each one as harrowing as the last. Acid violence occurs around the globe and isn’t specific to race or religion. My country, Uganda, has some of the highest rates of acid violence. In fact, since 1985, there have been nearly 400 reported cases of acid attacks here, and in just one hospital alone, they have reported 8 attacks and two deaths this year. And those are just the ones that were reported. The real statistics are likely much higher.

My name is Hanifa Nakiryowa,and my fellow acid attack survivor Gloria Kankunda and I have founded the Center for Rehabilitation of Survivors of Acid and burns Violence (CERESAV). We founded CERESAV because of our personal experiences, and because of the stories we were told by fellow victims. CERESAV’s ultimate goal is to address the issue of acid attacks and gender violence on a global level, but today we have a chance to make a difference in Uganda by helping to pass legislation that would classify products like acid as controlled substances. Cutting off easy access to acid has proven to drastically reduce the rate of attacks in other countries.

Research indicates that the most effective ways to reduce acid violence are through regulation of the sale of acid, tougher jail sentences for perpetrators, and raising awareness of the devastating impact that acid attacks have on individuals and their families. Step by step, CERESAV hopes to make all of these things a reality, but we can’t do it alone.
With collective efforts, we can end this devastating act and save the next potential victim. I know we can make a difference. When strong women and fellow victims of female-directed violence, like Jaha who fought to end female genital mutilation, or Malala who is a champion for girls’ education started Change.org petitions, great things happened.

Please join me in asking H.E. President Yoweri Museveni Kaguta to sign the Toxic Chemicals Bill into law.

Sign Hanifa’s petition

https://www.change.org/p/urge-ugandan-president-museveni-to-pass-the-acid-attack-bill-now?utm_source=action_alert&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=481998&alert_id=kKonevTcai_7yqcov%2Bbi4RaihvGVshGQn7%2FjBy1oOyyYoJ1mD6KY%2BA%3D

You have to see her photo to begin to understand her pain.

Xx  M

 

 

 

Domestic Violence

In 24 hours 29,520 people became victims of domestic violence or sexual assault..20 people a minute by someone they know!

Looking for the Light3 Comments

JOYFUL HEART FOUNDATION

Dear Friend,

In the 24 hours since I emailed you, 29,520 people became victims of domestic violence or sexual assault.
The statistics are staggering:

Every minute, 20 people are physically abused by an intimate partner.

Every two minutes, someone is sexually assaulted.

One in three women experience sexual or physical violence in their lives.

One in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused or assaulted before their 18th birthdays.

This violence is preventable. And healing is possible.

Yesterday, I wrote to you about Joyful Heart’s signature retreat programs and the work we are doing to make this healing experience available to even more survivors.

Can you help us? Your gift today will guarantee that more survivors benefit from Joyful Heart’s retreats—and take the next step in their healing journey.

29,520 people in the past 24 hours. 20 people in the minute it took you to read this note. You can help change it today.

Please, give what you can.

With gratitude,
Maile Zambuto
Chief Executive Officer
Joyful Heart Foundation