Blogging · Celebrate Life · Communication · Friends · Fun · Health and Wellbeing

Stream of Consciousness Saturday #SOCS Prompt is “Loan/Lone “

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “loan/lone.” Use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use both. Have fun!

 

 

This morning, JoAnna shared her take on the process of buying a house and the mounds of paperwork, and it sparked memories of buying my last house. After my divorce in 1999, I bought my first new house, oh how good it felt picking all my options and upgrades and I loved the house. Yes, there was a lot of paperwork but not as much since I bought from a builder. The house was more like a garden home with a little yard in front and less in the back which was perfect for me, Sasha, and Truffles. The HOA took care of the entire yard, flowers, and trees.

My ex-husband was a Contractor and he gave me solid advice on how to do the final punch list. The builder didn’t like it but I was buying the house, right? On the last punch list, I told the builder that I would do the punch list by myself at a slow pace and then we could compare notes and move to closing. His advice paid off, my punch list was long and we would not close after all. 

I jumped for joy on the day of the final walk-through, signing of the contract, and the loan like it was yesterday. Not only did I have a new house, my payment was less than the house we shared. 

Melinda

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream-of-consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write. 2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop. 3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a particular subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started. 4. Ping back! It’s important so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below. 5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back to their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post. 6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get! 7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views. 8. Have fun!

For more streams, rules, and tips for Stream of Consciousness Saturday, visit our host, Linda at Linda G Hill

Abuse · Caregiver · Children · Communication · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Travel

Child-Parent Alienation Is A Form Of Abuse

In the modern world of divorce, we are seeing that fathers are being left behind. Child separation from their parents, no matter if it’s the father or the mother, is traumatic. They will find themselves without one half of their guiding light and they will have a lesser view of the world because of it. Parents are supposed to be teachers and when children and parents don’t have the opportunity to spend time together, valuable lessons are not learned. Fathers are the hardest hit, as mothers tend to get sole child custody, 80-90% of the time. Let’s look deeper into why this is a problem that we need to talk more about.

Separation as a weapon

Sometimes, parents who have custody of the children will use this as a way to ‘get back’ at their former spouse. This is as horrible and vindictive as it sounds. However, this kind of child alienation can have a bad effect on the parent that is being forced out, and the children. The children will sense they are being used as pawns in your personal vendetta and the parent that is being kept from seeing them will grow distant from them. If you are also making up lies about the former spouse, or think that they are, your children will likely believe them as they are their sole caregiver. This kind of turning against tactics can be devastating in the long term to the point that relationships may never heal again.

A need for guidance

Both parents will give their children a guiding light in life. And when one of them is not there to do this, it can lead to a skewed view of the world. It’s rare for one parent to assume both roles and it can never really work even when they try. A dad’s perspective on life is different from the mother’s and vice versa. Therefore making sure that both parents can fulfill their role as a torch of knowledge in their children’s lives is vital. When one of them can’t do this because of child alienation by the other parent, this can be so harmful that the child will lack a certain type of life experience or knowledge that will end up hurting them more. 

 

Photo by Emma Bauso on Pexels.com

 

What can you do about it?

Can you sense not being able to see your children as you normally would at visiting times? Maybe you can’t even visit them anymore because of what the former spouse is doing to separate you from your children. You shouldn’t give up, even if the court has previously ruled something. You can use a good Family Law Firm to build a case that shows you are being unfairly treated and kept from your children. Fathers especially should look into this, as they will usually face a tougher stance from the family courts.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Repost from 2020

Caregiver · Childhood Learning · Children · Communication · Education · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health

Mother’s Day Is On May 12th

Babies bond with their mothers long before birth while mothers are forming their own bond. During this bonding time, many are probably overwhelmed with ideas about how you will protect their child, you’re hopes and dreams for them as adults.

Mothers are always there even if in the background.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who visit, you have carried many burdens and deserve the best Mother’s Day ever!

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Communication · Education · WordPress

Two Kinks In Theme, I Need Help With

This them is more user-friendly and easy to navigate so It may be the keeper. Two areas are tripping me up.

One is the Date and Comment are hardly noticeable, I haven’t found the section to change the color darker.

The other issue is similar, the Categories section has a color that makes it hard to read the name of the Category.

If any of you have any ideas, PLEASE come forward. If they don’t bother as they are, Please reply too.

I take pride in my site and want to make it not only interesting but that you can find what you are looking for and get a calm feeling when you visit. 

Thanks. 

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Communication · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

I’ve Settled On A New Theme But Still Have A Few Tweeks

I liked the other Theme better but I could not get the widgets to work, so I went back to a Theme I used a long time ago. The only thing I still have to work on is the date is not standing out. Of course, I will play with the fonts more, it takes me some time to pick, and I love looking at all the options.

I hope the headline doesn’t look as big once published.

Have a great day.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Communication · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Trauma

Things you should know as you begin your healing journey by Don’t Lose Hope

This post is for everyone who’s been through a traumatic experience. We have followed each other for years and I’ve learned at least one thing new in every post. 
 
 
Melinda
Caregiver · Communication · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

National Nurses Week (May 6–12)

I can’t count the number of Nurses I’ve met in my life but it’s a high number. The majority of my experiences have been pleasant and when I had Brain Surgery, I couldn’t move without them. I have great respect for Nurses and their struggles.

What Is Nurses Week About?

National Nurses Week, celebrated annually May 6 through 12, was designated to recognize the contributions nurses make to communities. May 6 is National Nurses Day, and May 12 is the birthday of Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing.

The historical effort to establish national recognition for nurses was a collective one that extended over the course of 40 years.

Each year, National Nurses Week is celebrated to honor nurses present and past. This time is also used to highlight nurses’ personal and professional lives.

Don’t take your frustrations out on the Nurse, we are not always the priority and have to wait, hospital staff are trained to determine which patients are at greater risk. Your leg may hurt like hell but that’s not life-threatening. Be nice!

Melinda

References:

https://nursejournal.org/articles/what-is-nurses-week/#

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Communication · Friends · Fun · Health and Wellbeing

Stream of Consciousness Saturday #SOCS Prompt is “note”

Today’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “note.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

Thinking back to my middle school days, I remember boys and girls would send each other notes in class and try not to get caught. The gossipy girls would also send notes among themselves too. 

If you were caught it meant a place at the front of class and reading the note out loud. It made classes fun. 

Melinda

 

Here are the rules:

1. Your post must be stream-of-consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write. 2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop. 3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a particular subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started. 4. Ping back! It’s important so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below. 5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back to their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post. 6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get! 7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views. 8. Have fun!

For more streams, rules, and tips for Stream of Consciousness Saturday, visit our host, Linda at Linda G Hill

Caregiver · Childhood Learning · Children · Communication · Crazy? · Education · Family · Men & Womens Health · Money · Politics

Teacher Appreciation Week (May 6–10)

I didn’t care much about school or think about the impact a teacher may have on my journey but I had a few angles along the way.

Teachers are underpaid, and unappreciated by their schools and the parents. Teachers are now being forced to take a gun to school! What if they don’t want to? I would not carry a gun to school nor would I take on the responsibility of keeping children safe. Let’s not forget the pressure from parents and how quickly they are to judge and blame.

They are also exposed to violence in the classroom or on campus by out-of-control students, how are we protecting Teachers?

Teachers have spent their own money to buy supplies for the classroom because the budget doesn’t cover enough. How can we continue to push more responsibility on Teachers who are already stretched too thin? How can we overlook the importance of Teachers? What about the student’s success in the future, not to mention their mental health.

I hear on the news that schools are understaffed and Teachers are quitting their jobs, what’s wrong with this picture? It tells me Teachers are fed up with being underpaid, school shootings, spending money on their classroom, and being disillusioned due to not receiving raises or higher salaries.

Investing in Teachers is investing in your children and community.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Chronic Illness · Communication · Depression · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How To Stop A Chronic Condition From Ruining Your Life

Living with a chronic condition can be difficult – it can even be overwhelming – and it’s definitely going to be a challenge, no matter how the condition might actually affect you and manifest itself. It could be anything from arthritis to diabetes to asthma to eczema or perhaps chronic pain, but if it’s affecting your life, then you need to do something about it. 

You might think that’s not possible, especially if you understand your condition well, but the fact is that although it might not be possible to actually cure the condition and you might always have it, you can do things to reduce the impact of the symptoms and make life at least a little easier for you. If you can stop a chronic condition from ruining your life, then it’s got to be with trying. With that in mind, keep reading to find out more about what you might be able to do. 

 

 

Understand Your Condition 

The first thing you’ll need to do if you want to stop a chronic condition from ruining your life is to understand it – thoroughly. We don’t mean just a vague idea of what you’re suffering from – we mean that you need to really know it, inside and out. You need to educate yourself about everything you can that links to your illness, including its symptoms, triggers, and treatments. 

Of course, to do this, you’ll need to only look at the most reliable sources when it comes to eczema treatments or anything else you need to know about, but that’s a good thing. True, it’s going to mean it takes longer to get the information you need, but it also means that you’ll be being as thorough as possible so you weed out any sources and information that aren’t reliable. In the end, you’ll have a good idea of what’s true and what isn’t, and that’s going to serve you well when it comes to stopping the condition from ruining your life. 

It’s also a good idea to find support groups so you can talk to others about the condition you all share because even if you don’t get any more information, the support can make a lot of difference, and knowing there are people you can talk to if you’re having a bad day or who you can help if you’re able to is a wonderfully positive and empowering things. Plus, don’t forget doctors and other medical experts. You might think you want to do it all by yourself, but the fact is that doctors are going to have a lot of good information for you, and they’ll be able to point you in the right direction when it comes to learning more. Plus, seeing a doctor means you won’t ever have to (or be tempted to) self-medicate, and staying away from that dangerous path is a good thing.

Accept It

If this sounds like a terrible idea, don’t worry – it’s not as bad as you might think, and it’s well worth thinking about once you know more about what we’re saying. The crucial thing to remember is that acceptance doesn’t mean resigning yourself to the fact that you’re going to be unwell and potentially limited forever. It doesn’t mean giving up on trying to reduce the symptoms or finding a cure. What it means is that rather than fighting against it, you accept that this condition, whatever it is, is part of your life – but it’s not the thing that makes you you, and it’s not the thing that defines you.  

So what we’re saying is that you need to accept that you’re unwell, but you mustn’t become a victim – you need to essentially shift your thinking from negative to as positive as you can (which might not be easy, but when you start, it becomes easier). Begin by not dwelling on the things you can’t do and instead focus on what you can do and what you can control in your life, make sure you do more of the things that bring you joy, and it’s definitely going to help because even if you’re still suffering, you’re not letting the problem ruin your life. 

Prioritize Self-Care

Maybe you don’t put your own self-care first because you don’t want to look weak and admit you need some time to read or recharge. Maybe you don’t do it because you’ve got a lot of other people to look after. Maybe you’re too busy at work. Maybe you really just don’t know what you can do that means you’re enjoying some self-care. Whichever of these issues it is, or even if it’s some other reason entirely, it’s time to change your thinking – self-care has to come first.

The fact is that when you’re managing a chronic condition, self-care is non-negotiable, so you need to add more to your life whenever you can. The great thing about self-care is that there are so many different ways it can be done, so you might start by ensuring you get enough sleep, that you exercise regularly (even a little is good), or that you eat a balanced diet. Perhaps self-care for you means getting a chance to read or listen to music. Maybe it’s about going for a walk or enjoying your favorite hobby or having a spa day. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you include it in your life because when you do, you’ll be happier and less stressed, and that’s going to help you realize that your life is good and that your chronic condition, even at it’s most difficult, isn’t going to ruin it.

Set Realistic Goals

Something else that can help you if you’re suffering from a chronic condition and you don’t want it to ruin your life is to set yourself some realistic goals to work towards. They can be as big or as small as you want (although if they are big, it’s best to split them into smaller goals so you don’t get overwhelmed by everything you have to do).

Once you reach a goal, celebrate, and keep moving forward – always move forward. You’ll need to be flexible and sometimes those goals will have to change and be adjusted, but as long as you’re always working towards something, you’ll have hope, and that means your life is definitely not ruined.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Advocacy · Caregiver · Celebrate Life · Children · Communication · Depression · Family · Grieving · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Moving Forward · Suicide

Nightmare By Guest Blogger For the Love of Sam

 
A must-read for those grieving or who may support her so she can grow in her journey. 
 
Look for a Blogger Highlight on For the Love of Sam soon. 
 
Melinda
Abuse · Bullying · Men & Womens Health · Communication · Money · Education · Hacker

My First Letter From So-Called Hacker

Pay attention to any threat you receive! Does this person think I’m that stupid? Not to mention, I can’t perform the act he mentions. HAHA.

 

Hello pervert, I’ve sent this message from your iCloud mail. 

I want to inform you about a very bad situation for you. However, you can benefit from it, if you will act wisеly.

Have you heard of Pegasus? This is a spyware program that installs on computers and smartphones and allows hackers to monitor the activity of device owners. It provides access to your webcam, messengers, emails, call records, etc. It works well on Android, iOS, and Windows. I guess, you already figured out where I’m getting at.

It’s been a few months since I installed it on all your devices because you were not quite choosy about what links to click on the intеrnеt. During this period, I’ve learned about all aspects of your private life, but one is of special significance to me.

I’ve recorded many videos of you jerking off to highly controversial рorn videos. Given that the “questionable” genre is almost always the same, I can conclude that you have sick реrvеrsiоn.

I doubt you’d want your friends, family, and co-workers to know about it. However, I can do it in a few clicks.

Every number in your contact list will suddenly receive these vidеоs– on WhatsApp, Telegram, Instagram, Facebook, and email – everywhere. It is going to be a tsunami that will sweep away everything in its path, and first of all, your fоrmеr life.

Don’t think of yourself as an innocent victim. No one knows where your реrvеrsiоn might lead in the future, so consider this a kind of deserved рunishmеnt to stop you.

I’m some kind of God who sees everything. However, don’t panic. As we know, God is merciful and forgiving, and so do I. But my mercy is not free.

Transfer 950 USD to my Litecoin (LTC) wallet: ltc1qcfmwa338xdc4wf40psy6fju3zum5scepxkx8kg

Once I receive confirmation of the transaction, I will permanently delete all videos compromising you, uninstаll Pegasus from all of your devices, and disappear from your life. You can be sure – my benefit is only money. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing to you, but destroy your life without a word in a second.

I’ll be notified when you open my email, and from that moment you have exactly 48 hours to send the money. If cryptocurrencies are unchartered waters for you, don’t worry, it’s straightforward. Just google “crypto exchange” or “buy Litecoin” and then it will be no harder than buying some useless stuff on Amazon.

I strongly warn you against the following:
* Do not reply to this email. I’ve sent it from your iCloud mail.
* Do not contact the police. I have access to all your devices, and as soon as I find out you ran to the cops, videos will be published.
* Don’t try to reset or destroy your devices. As mentioned above: I’m monitoring all your activity, so you either agree to my terms or the vidеоs are published.

Also, don’t forget that cryptocurrencies are anonymous, so it’s impossible to identify me using the provided address.

Good luck, my perverted friend. I hope this is the last time we hear from each other.
And some friendly advice: from now on, don’t be so careless about your online security.

This letter is total crap but for those who take everything as real, get a new attitude about Identity Theft and the dumb ass hackers out there.

Melinda

Anxiety · Celebrate Life · Communication · Depression · Education · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Suicide · Survivor

Silencing the Noise: A Guide to Conquering Overthinking By Guest Blogger My Mind Strenght

This post is on point! It’s natural to overthink occasionally due to a situation but if overthinking is constant it’s time to take control of its debilitating nature. You have to do the hard work and one that takes time and commitment but you can do it. 
 
Be sure to read the posts, everyone can benefit, and if you’re a parent, take an honest look at your children as they may need help. 
 
Melinda
Caregiver · Communication · Grieving · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How to Deal With Grief in a Healthy Way

Grief is one of the most powerful emotions a person can experience. It’s also something that everyone has to deal with at some point in their lives. We love, we live, and we die. Then we’re left to pick up the pieces. 

The fact is, grief hurts. It’s natural for it to hurt, and it’s natural for different people to have different experiences of this pain. But that doesn’t mean that every experience of grief is healthy. It’s easy to get sucked into a hole of grief that doesn’t stop hurting and that stains the rest of your life.

While it might not be as simple as “moving on”, it is possible to manage your grief. Here are some tips to help.

Grieving Before Death

In some cases, you might find the grieving process begins before your loved one has passed away. Usually, this is due to a long illness that can only ever result in death. If you act as a caregiver, it can be hard to balance this grief with the practical parts of caring for your loved one.

Sometimes you have to compartmentalize. This means that, when you’re actively caring for them, you focus on the practical side of things. But you still need to allow yourself to process your grief.

But you should also try to find the joy in being a caregiver. It’s hard work, physically, mentally, and emotionally. But it allows you to spend time with someone you love and it allows you to demonstrate how much you love them, even if they can’t always recognize it. 

Give Yourself Time

Unfortunately, life goes on for all of us, even when we lose someone we love. Everything else doesn’t grind to a halt, even if we feel like it should. We have work, family responsibilities, chores, and bills.

Some people prefer to throw themselves into literally anything else so that they don’t have to think about their grief. Still others find it impossible to concentrate on anything else.

Even if you’re in the former camp, you still need to give yourself time to grieve. It hurts, but it needs to hurt. Don’t feel ashamed because you aren’t able to stop hurting after a few months, but also don’t feel guilty when you manage to have a moment without thinking about the person you lost.

Let yourself hurt and cry and grieve, but let yourself live as well.

Talk to Someone

Part of processing grief healthily includes talking to people you trust. If you’ve lost a family member or friend, you and your loved ones can help each other by talking about your shared grief. You aren’t being a burden, you’re just being human.

In some cases, you may feel as though you need to talk to someone else. That’s what grief counseling consultation is for. You can talk to someone who is experienced and trained to help you, but who also won’t be hurt by your feelings.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Aging · Caregiver · Celebrate Life · Chronic Illness · Communication · Cooking · Disability · Friends · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

How to Help Someone with a Chronic Illness

It is a big responsibility to help someone with a chronic illness. Depending on the severity of the situation, there will be many changes to your life and theirs. This is true for a professional caregiver, family member, or good friend. There are also some common mistakes that people make when trying to help. Don’t worry; most of us are in an impossible situation when caring for someone. From being aware of what to say to looking after yourself, here are some care tips.

Be Prepared to Act Fast

Many chronic illnesses can take a turn in an instant. Epileptic seizures, diabetic comas, and falling over because of a back injury are some examples. Knowing what to do as fast as possible can mean the difference between helping someone or serious consequences. A CPR and first aid certification may not sound like much, but it will be helpful in the case that something bad happens. It’s all about a fast response. Speed and skill do save lives!

Be Aware of What You Say

Even with the best intentions, we can say things we really shouldn’t. You may even make ableist remarks without realizing it, which could upset or offend the patient. This would be classed as discrimination in a court. So be careful what you see. Here are some common examples:

  • “You are too young to have a condition like that.”
  • “You can just push through it if you try.”
  • “Maybe you would be better if you exercised or ate well.”
  • “Everyone has aches and pains sometimes.”

It is best to keep your opinions to yourself when caring for someone with a chronic illness. Even with the best intentions, you may say something that can be taken the wrong way. It can also be more challenging to care for someone when there is some kind of tension between you.

Help Someone with a Chronic Illness with Privacy

As a caregiver, you are not bound by the same confidentiality rules as a doctor. However, that doesn’t mean the entire world needs to know about the issues a patient has. It is hard enough for most people with chronic conditions. One survey found that 56% of people with epilepsy feel it is a stigma. And 35% have faced direct discrimination. The private conditions of patients should remain just that. If they want to tell people, then it is up to them and not caregivers.

Be Present So You Can Engage Better

Engagement is a key factor when it comes to caring for most patients. Because of the debilitating symptoms of chronic illnesses, it is even more vital for chronic patients. Many chronic illnesses come with stigmas and some cannot live a normal life. This causes issues like depression. Yet, often, all it takes is for someone to be a good friend and just listen to what a patient has to say. Communication can also help you become a better caregiver to the patient.

Use Touch as Encouragement

We live in a world where we have almost been conditioned not to touch people. There are very good reasons for this. But as a caregiver, the art of touch can be a skilled way to reassure and encourage someone. Appropriate touching includes a gentle tap on the elbow with some kind words. Holding a patient’s hand through pain provides reassurance. And even a gentle hug can make someone’s day. These cause genuine hormonal changes that make someone feel better.

Discuss Specific Needs with the Patient

No two chronic illness cases are the same, even for patients with the same condition. This is because everyone is different. All situations are different; medication requirements will be different, and living arrangements will be different. It always helps to discuss specific needs with the patient, their family, and other caregivers if the patient cannot speak for themselves. This also includes any boundaries that must be respected between the patient and the caregiver.

Help Someone with a Chronic Illness with Self-Management

Taking on the role of a caregiver is not an easy task. It requires dedication to the life of another, as well as your own. Therefore, self-management is vital for getting the job done well.

Learn as much as you can about the illness

It is challenging to help someone with a condition you don’t understand or know nothing about. You don’t need to become a doctor. But learning about a specific chronic illness means you know what to expect, understand what can happen, and how to assist when a situation arises. 

Understand the medications you may have to handle

Most chronic illnesses require a lot of medication. Pain medication, heart stabilizers, and anticonvulsants are common. Misuse of medication is dangerous and will cause severe problems to a patient’s health. It is vital you organize medication and follow the script.

Take care of yourself to take care of others

It’s an old saying, but you can’t take care of someone else without first taking care of yourself. Poor self-care poses a threat to a patient. Focus, attention, and mood will be affected by a poor diet, for example. Ensure you turn up in as good a state as you can to be a good caregiver.

You can also offer support to patients by teaching self-care with a chronic illness. They cannot rely on someone else 100%.So helping them learn about their own illness and the medication they need will help them become a little more independent for the times they are alone.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Becoming a caregiver means giving up some parts of your life. A patient with a debilitating chronic illness may depend on you for many things. In some cases, it can be like having two lives with double the work. Therefore, it helps to address your own personal feelings about the situation. If you are not invested emotionally, it can be hard to do the job correctly. Taking on too much is a common mistake. Get help from another caregiver if you can’t emotionally cope.

Don’t be Afraid to Ask Questions 

We tend to stay quiet most of the time as no one likes being questioned too much. However, questions are vital when caring for someone with a chronic illness. Otherwise, how else do you know what to do in a given situation? The questions don’t need to be complex. A simple “What do you need right now?” is more than enough to meet the needs of a patient. The trick is to limit the intrusion and use your better judgment as to when to ask the patient a pertinent question.

Carefully Listen to Healthcare Professionals

As a caregiver, you can learn a lot about an illness. And this is an excellent thing to do. It will help you become a better carer for a patient. However, you must remember that you are not a medical expert! Some healthcare professionals don’t communicate well, and this can be stressful. However, learning to work with them is the best thing for the patient. If you feel that there is a lack of expert care or a course of action that is harming a patient, you can report this.

Help Someone with a Chronic Illness with Self-Care

Your own self-care is essential as a caregiver. But what about the patient? Yes, helping a patient with self-care is a necessary part of the job. Some chronic illness patients also experience mental health issues, around 37% in fact. This can affect how well they look after themselves on a day-to-day basis. Helping with personal hygiene, getting some outdoor time, and meal preparation will help form an enhanced self-care plan and gain a little more independence.

Try Not to Offer Advice

Offering medical advice should only be limited to medical health professionals. But even general advice won’t help the situation. Offering advice, even if it is well intended, can make a patient feel worse. So, you must be careful about what you say to a patient. Here are some ideas:

  • People with chronic illnesses may need to vent their concerns, so just listen.
  • Unsolicited advice can be taken as criticism and make someone feel guilty.
  • Be a good friend and listen to what a person with an illness has to say.
  • Engage with a patient from their perspective and not your own.

It can be hard not to offer advice, as it is a very human thing to do. However, most patients just want to talk and have someone listen. You will be a better friend and caregiver by doing just that. A patient will appreciate you engaging on their level and listening to what they have to say.

Look for Signs of a Worsening Condition

There are various symptoms that come with chronic illnesses. And they are pretty easy to spot when you understand what they are. However, there are some hidden symptoms that can be more challenging and indicate a patient’s issues are getting worse. Observation, conversation, and asking questions will help. Some of the common signs that a chronic illness is getting worse include stress and anxiety, not getting good sleep, and loss of focus and concentration.

Summary

You need to be prepared to act fast with CPR or first aid when assigned to help someone with a chronic illness. It also helps to learn about the condition, understand medication, and take care of yourself. These help spot the symptoms that a chronic condition might be getting worse.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Caregiver · Celebrate Life · Communication · Depression · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Moving Forward · Survivor

The Messy, Complicated Truth About Grief

IDEAS TED TALKS

May 1, 2019 / Nora McInerny

Mourning the loss of a loved one isn’t efficient, compact or logical, and it changes us forever, says writer Nora McInerny. She explains why.

I quit my job shortly after my husband Aaron died in 2014 following three years with brain cancer. It made sense in the moment, but I needed money to keep my son and myself alive so I went to a networking event to hopefully make connections. I was introduced to a successful woman in her early 70s who everyone referred to as a “legend.” She wanted to meet me for coffee and I thought, “What could she possibly see in me?”

What she saw in me was herself. She had been 16 when her boyfriend died. He was her first love and they were teenagers in a different era, when it was perfectly plausible that you would be married after high school. Instead, he went to the hospital one day and never came back. She learned later that he’d died of cancer, which his parents had kept secret from him and from his friends. They didn’t know how to talk about it, and they didn’t want him or his friends to worry.

This boy had died decades ago. She was married, a mother and a grandmother. And she told me about his death as if it had happened weeks ago, as if she were still 16, still shocked and confused that her beloved was gone and she’d not had a chance to say goodbye. Her grief felt fresher than mine did, because I didn’t feel anything yet.

The only guarantee about grief is that however you feel right now, you will not always feel this way.

Time is irrelevant to grief. I cannot tell you that it will feel better or worse as time goes by; I can just tell you that it feels better and worse as time goes by. The only guarantee is that however you feel right now, you will not always feel this way.

There are days when Aaron’s death feels so fresh that I cannot believe it. How can he be gone? How can it be that he will forever be 35 years old? Likewise, there are days when his death feels like such a fact of my life I can hardly believe that he was ever not dead. I thought I would be able to control the faucets of my emotions — that certain days (his birthday, his deathiversary) would be drenched in meaning, and most days would not.

I wish that were the case; I wish we could relegate all our heaviest grieving to specific days of the year. It would certainly be more efficient. Instead, I know that I have some friends who will understand perfectly when I call them to say that the entire world feels heavy, that I’ve been crying for reasons I can’t quite explain other than that I am alive and Aaron is not, and the reality of that happened to hit me in the deodorant aisle, when I spotted Aaron’s favorite antiperspirant. I bought a stick for myself, so that my armpits and his armpits would be forever connected.

In 2017, Lady Gaga released her Joanne album, named for an aunt who died before she was even born. The titular song is 100 percent guaranteed to make you cry, and it’s written about someone Lady Gaga never even met. In her Netflix documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two, she plays the song for her grandmother and bawls uncontrollably. Her grandmother listens to the song, watches Gaga weep, and thanks her for the song. She does not shed a tear. Their grief — even for the same person — is different. The roots of grief are boundless. They can reach back through generations. They are undeterred by time, space or any other law you try to apply to them.

The woman I met had lived far more of her life without that boyfriend than with him. Time had not healed that wound, and it never will.

A common adage is “time heals all wounds.” It is true physically, which I am grateful for because I am typing this while hoping the tip of my thumb fuses back together after an unfortunate kitchen accident involving me attempting to cook a potato. But it is not true mentally or emotionally. Time is cruel. Time reminds me of how long Aaron has been gone, which isn’t a comfort to me.

The woman I met for coffee had lived far more of her life without that boyfriend than she had with him. Her grandchildren were now the same age she’d been when she lost him. Time had not healed that wound, and it never will. If you’re still sad, that’s because it’s still real. They are still real. Time can change you, and it will. But it can’t change them, and it won’t.

And here’s some advice for the grief adjacent. For you, time marches on, steadily and reliably. A year is just a year. A day is just a day. You are not aware of the number of days it’s been since they took their last breath or said their last word. You’re not mentally calculating when the scales of time tip, and more of your life has been lived without them than was lived with them.

We do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we’ve lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us.

You may be tempted to tell the grieving to move on. After all, it’s been weeks. Years. Decades. Surely this cannot still be the topic of conversation. Surely, at this point, they must have moved on? Nope.

But, you may be thinking, “This person has gotten married again or had another baby! They have so many good things in their life, this one awful thing can’t possibly still be relevant … can it?”

We do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we’ve lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us. Some of it gets easier to bear, some of it will always feel Sisyphean. We live on, but we are not the same as we once were. This is not macabre or depressing or abnormal. We are shaped by the people we love, and we are shaped by their loss.

“Why are they still sad?” you may think. Because this is a sad thing, and always will be.

Excerpted from the new book The Hot Young Widows Club: Lessons on Survival from the Front Lines of Grief by Nora McInerny. Reprinted with permission from TED Books/Simon & Schuster. © 2019 Nora McInerny.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nora McInerny has a lot of jobs. She is the reluctant cofounder of the Hot Young Widows Club (a program of her nonprofit, Still Kickin), the bestselling author of the memoirs “It’s Okay To Laugh”, “Crying Is Cool Too”, and “No Happy Endings” and the host of the award-winning podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.” McInerny is a master storyteller known for her dedication to bringing heart and levity to the difficult and uncomfortable conversations most of us try to avoid, and also for being very tall. 

 Melinda

Advocacy · Celebrate Life · Climate Change · Communication · Education · Family · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Planet

Let’s Do Something Productive This Earth Day

Instead of celebrating why don’t we get productive in helping the earth.

There are a million ways, including the smallest step you can take and pay attention to what you buy.

Our Earth has sustained so much damage over time and it appears to be at a crisis level. Please look for all the ways to can recycle in your area.

 

Melinda

Advocacy · Anxiety · Business · Communication · Crazy? · Men & Womens Health · Shopping

Why It’s Imperative To Read All Data Breach Letters *Beware!

When I wrote about Data Breaches and Identity Theft in the past I  never dreamed it would happen to me. These breaches are happening every day and our identity is at risk if enough personal information is released.

I’ve received many of these letters as I’m sure you have to, they are getting more sophisticated and you must know what exact information was released. In the past companies were pretty vague about what data is missing but I think the laws may have changed.

The letters that followed included what type of information was taken which is essential.

Two weeks ago I received a letter from Orsini Pharmaceuticals that all of my private information was involved in the breach! Wow, I a waiting target for Identify Theft. If I had not read the fine print my life could have been ruined by Identity theft.

I have spent hours every day since receiving the letter alerting the necessary companies, changing every password, some I had to change my user name as well. I will look over my shoulder from now on.

I haven’t heard of this company and after a visit to their website, it was clear I had not taken any of their medications. WTF! Why did they have my info in the first place? Did someone share it with them or did they buy the list?

I started reading the press releases about the breach and found that the breach happened three months ago but I’m just hearing about it. Interestingly many people were offered 1-2 years paid protection but I wasn’t. Lawsuits are flying in every direction, that is a thought for another day.

My plan is to write Tom Cappetta, Vice President, Pharmacy Operations, and ask him several questions, most importantly why they had my information. It’s a question I deserve to know yet will not get an answer on. I’m also asking for 2 years of total protection.

We’ll see where the letter takes me.

Melinda

Anxiety · Children · Communication · Crazy? · Family · Friends · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Moving Forward · Survivor · Therapy

18 Years Old, Married, Divorced and Still Resentful 32 Years Later

Original post 7/2014

In life, there are times when memories seem like yesterday and others a lifetime ago. This is a lifetime ago memory buried in deep resentment and anger. It’s an oxymoron. I’ve had difficult challenges, growing up, and staying alive was a challenge. I’m at peace in life now. I worked through the bitterness of abuse but forgot this memory I buried so deeply that I forgot about it until yesterday.

I was married in August of 1981, I was 18 years old.

We played house until it got rough, and the decision to get a divorce came on the way to his parents for Thanksgiving. We didn’t separate, just kept skating on thin ice. Spring rolls around and race season starts. Where the money came from to pay for the races was a mystery to me and there wasn’t even prize money!

One of my dearest friends died around the same time, an elderly man who was having a heart attack hit him at a high rate of speed. Steve and I dated and remained close friends after breaking up. He was a special person, the type who brings sparkle to your life. For reasons I’ll never understand his mother called and asked me to come over to talk about Steve. I spent weeks consoling her and internalizing my grief.

The stress was more than my body could handle. I had a miscarriage two weeks later. It was a Friday night, I had no idea I was pregnant nor did I know what a miscarriage was. I’m in excruciating pain, still not processing why there was so much blood. We arrive at the hospital and since it’s Friday, several shooting victims are ahead of me. I lay across several chairs, bleeding and crying. Finally in a room but still waiting, I go to the bathroom.

I lost the baby in the toilet at the hospital and a part of me died that night, it’s a place inside I have never been before or since. Staring at the fetus, it was developed since I was 4 months along, it looked like a miniature baby. Even now it brings up feelings I don’t understand. I walked out of the bathroom, dead inside and when a nurse walked by, I said there was a baby in the toilet and kept walking.

The nurse then brings the fetus into the room in a jar and puts it by my head. Can I hand you a knife so you can stab me? I stayed overnight, and my husband went home. He never acknowledged the baby, in fact, he didn’t say anything. He was scheduled to leave for a race the next morning, and I knew he was not canceling his plans. I had to call someone the next morning to come get me.

Looking back it was a blessing. I was not ready for single motherhood and the cycle of abuse could have repeated itself. I know this in my heart. I don’t understand the resentment. I’m 50 yrs. old, and 18 was a long time ago. I’ve moved on from worse pain physically and mentally.

The only logic I can find is the baby came out of my body, I saw it clearly because no blood came out. The resentment is he never acknowledged the baby, my pain and loss, held me, let me cry, told me it was ok, or canceled the race.

I’ve never talked about this experience, it was truly locked away. I have to work through the feelings of resentment. That’s not who I am today.

Warrior

Today, Sunday, April 2024, I cried and went to a painful place reading this.

 

 

 

Celebrate Life · Communication · Friends · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Young Love

I woke to the sound of knocking at the door

I grabbed my robe and was surprised who was at my door

My ex-boyfriend and BFF

He had come over to check on me since I wasn’t at work

I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth

He lightly grabbed my hand and took my robe off

We stand there for a minute

He leads me to the bedroom

We were totally silent

We dressed and he walked out the door

I never asked if he loved me but I know he did

I was 19 and still in love with him

Melinda

Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels.com