Celebrate Life · Essential Oils · Health & Beauty · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

Easy DIY Moisturizing Detox Bath Soak

From Brindin.com

Relax in an all-natural moisturizing detox bath that soothes dry skin while you de-stress. This bath soak has the beautiful look and feel of fresh snow PLUS it leaves skin feeling silky soft and promotes better sleep.

Photo by Monstera on Pexels.com

  • Magnesium Sulfate:  Popularly known as Epsom Salt.  Magnesium is used for treating anxiety, chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, leg cramps, migraine headaches, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), restless leg syndrome, skin infections and more.
  • Sodium Bicarbonate:  Popularly known as Baking Soda. Sodium bicarbonate makes bath water alkaline which soothes irritated skin, relieves pain or itching, and leaves the skin feeling silky.
  • Virgin Coconut Oil: Virgin coconut oil is pressed from the “meat” of the coconut. It has a high content of lanauric acid which is anti-viral, anti-fungal, and anti-bacterial. It aids in skin healing and moisturizing.
  • Sweet Almond Oil: Almond oil is pressed from edible almonds. It is rich in Vitamin E, monounsaturated fatty acids, and proteins plus minerals and vitamins. It is good for moisturizing and healing skin.
  • Essential Oils:
    • Lemon Essential Oil is distilled from the peel of the lemon. It is high in d-limonene, a powerful antioxidant. Lemon oil is nourishing to the skin, improves mood, and supports the immune system.
    • Peppermint Essential Oil is derived from the leaves of the peppermint plant. It helps increase blood flow to the skin, is muscle-soothing, and has a mentally relaxing effect
    • Rosemary Essential Oil is distilled from the fresh flowering tops of the fragrant evergreen plant. It is used to stimulate blood circulation, relieve headaches and muscle aches, reduce stress, and boost the immune system.

This all-natural moisturizing detox bath soothes dry skin while raising magnesium levels to aid in de-stressing. This bath soak leaves skin feeling silky soft and supple and promotes better sleep.

Makes: 5 baths

INGREDIENTS

  • 1/4 cup Coconut Oil (melted)
  • 1/4 cup Almond Oil
  • 40-80 drops Essential Oils (lemon, rosemary, peppermint)
  • 3 cups Epsom Salts
  • 2 cups Baking Soda

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Whisk together the melted coconut oil and almond oil.
  2. Stir in essential oils. (10-20 drops lemon, 10-20 drops rosemary, 20-40 drop peppermint)
  3. Add Epsom salts and baking soda, and stir to combine.
  4. The bath salts will have the texture of fresh snow.

Store in an air-tight jar. 

HOW TO TAKE A MOISTURIZING DETOX BATH

Take a magnesium bath at night just before going to bed for best results. The magnesium will help you relax while the moisturizing ingredients soothe and soften the skin.

To prepare a bath: Fill the tub with hot water.  Add the Magnesium Detox Bath salts then soak for 20-30 minutes. Add music, candles, a good book, or an interesting podcast to make bath time more enjoyable.

Make sure to have a cold glass of drinking water within reach to rehydrate during the bath. After soaking pat dry and go to bed.

DETOX BATH WARNINGS

If you have any medical conditions or take prescription medicines you should consult with your doctor before taking a moisturizing detox bath. Hot bath water can cause dehydration and dizziness. You should drink lots of water while taking a detox bath and never take a detox bath when using drugs or alcohol.

Enjoy!

It sounds very easy to make and it’s great that you can make 5 baths worth per batch. Makes a great gift too.

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Blogger Highlight-Nine Cent Girl

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight Nine Cent Girl.     

Nine Cent Girl

Welcome to my blog, Nine Cent Girl, which is my musings on family, food, and fashion, basically all life brings. This is not a philosophical or an epicurean or haute couture site, but instead a place to affirm all your own notions. I hope my nine cents will encourage you to live life fully!
 

Moira writes on many topics which is rewarding and her energy pulls you in. Check out her blog. 

Melinda

Looking for the Light

 

Advocacy · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

5 Nicotine Replacement Therapy Products For Smoking Cessation By Invisibly Me

Caz from Invisibly Me has been a great support to me for years and I love to see what topic she will write about next. 
 
Be sure to look at her extensive archive. I have a feeling you will want to follow Caz. 
 
Melinda
 
Caregiver · Communication · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

National Nurses Week (May 6–12)

I can’t count the number of Nurses I’ve met in my life but it’s a high number. The majority of my experiences have been pleasant and when I had Brain Surgery, I couldn’t move without them. I have great respect for Nurses and their struggles.

What Is Nurses Week About?

National Nurses Week, celebrated annually May 6 through 12, was designated to recognize the contributions nurses make to communities. May 6 is National Nurses Day, and May 12 is the birthday of Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing.

The historical effort to establish national recognition for nurses was a collective one that extended over the course of 40 years.

Each year, National Nurses Week is celebrated to honor nurses present and past. This time is also used to highlight nurses’ personal and professional lives.

Don’t take your frustrations out on the Nurse, we are not always the priority and have to wait, hospital staff are trained to determine which patients are at greater risk. Your leg may hurt like hell but that’s not life-threatening. Be nice!

Melinda

References:

https://nursejournal.org/articles/what-is-nurses-week/#

CBD · Celebrate Life · Essential Oils · Health & Beauty · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

Things I’m Loving-Bedtime Is Self Care Time

Here are a few products I’m loving with right now. I hope you find a product to add to your household or self-care routine. The list may also give you ideas for a surprise for friends, and family. Most products are found on Amazon.

 

 

THIS WORKS

Deep Sleep Pillow Spray: Fast-Acting Natural Rest Aid with Lavender for Relaxation, 35 ml 1.2 Fl Oz

Not only do I use this at night but also at nap time! It’s worth the investment and by only using a few spays at a time, it lasts a long time. Don’t forget to share with your bedmate.  

The Body Shop Shea Body Butter 

Hydrating & Moisturizing Skincare for Very Dry Skin – Vegan – 12.9 oz

This is my favorite body cream, it’s from a company built on ethics, and it’s a great price point. There are many fragrances to choose from and everything else you need to pamper. 

NEOM 

Happiness Reed Diffuser Refill, 3.38 fl oz |Uplifting Scent Neroli, Mimosa & Lemon Essential Oil Blends| 100% Natural Fragrance | Scent to Make You Happy……

This fragrance is out of this world and a bit on the pricey side. Treat yourself to a new fragrance. On the less expensive side, I buy the below. 

Cocorrína

Cashmere Vanilla Scented Reed Diffuser Oil with 8 Cotton Reed Sticks Fragrance for Bedroom, Bathroom, Home Décor, 6.7 oz. (200 ml)

They have many fragrances to choose from but this is my favorite from this company. 

Gaiam Relax Massage Ball Roller 

Handheld Wooden Total Body Massager for Back, Neck, Foot, Calf, Leg, Arm | Deep Tissue Massager Relief for Sore Muscles

Who doesn’t love a smooth massage without leaving home? High-quality brand and with little maintenance it will last a long time.

KIPRITII

Ergonomically Back Scrubber for Shower – Double-Sided Back Brush Long Handle for Shower, Wet & Dry Brush for Cellulite and Lymphatic (Blue)

I love this brush because it has a stiff and soft side. The ergo styling does make a difference in my wrist pain. It fit my needs and it was less than $10.

Organic Lavender Essential Oil Roll-On

Lavandula Angustifolia, 100% Pure USDA Certified Aromatherapy for Calming, Relaxation & Skin – 10 ml Roller by Silk Road Organic – Always Pure, Always Organic

It is great to keep these around the house and office for when you need to reduce stress. They help me fall asleep by rolling a line down both sides of my neck and a dab under my nose. Essential oils also help if you roll on the lower parts of your body, the smell will go right up to you. 

Diffuserlove Ceramic Diffuser

160ML Essential Oil Diffusers Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser for Room Air Diffuser for Home Bedroom Stone Diffuser White (Size:6.8″ H x 3.6″ W)

You don’t have to spend a fortune on a nice Essential Oil Diffuser, of course, there are more elaborate ones on the market. My life is about simplicity and this one has served me well for over 5 years. 

Woolzies Sweet Dreams Essential Oil Blend

Helps Sleep Better Faster Restful | Undiluted Therapeutic Grade (Sweet Dreams, 4 Oz)

I have not found a better essential oil mix to add to my Diffuser. It’s a great fragrance anywhere you have a Diffuser but this blend sets me up for a good night. 

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Blogger Highlight-Kelly’s Quest

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight Kelly’s Quest.    

Kelly’s Quest

This is the story of my quest for spirituality.

I read some of her posts last week and her site is a slice of heaven! Please stop by and say hello.

Melinda

Looking for the Light

 

Essential Oils · Health & Beauty · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living

It’s Easy To Make Your Own Essential Oils

Recipe from Willow and Sage by Stampington

Making your own essential oil is easier than you think. Gather dried herbs and oil of your choice. Dried herbs are better than fresh ones to prevent mold. 

Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

 

Calendula Oil–Use for any skin remedies, like in lotion or facial oil.

Peppermint Oil–Wonderful for relieving aches and pains. It can be used as a massage oil or added to bathwater. If you have a headache, rub a bit on your wrist and breathe in the healing aroma.

Rosemary Oil–If you have hair troubles, such as poor growth, lice, or dandruff, rosemary is a great option. Add the infused oil to shampoo or use it as a hair mask. 

Lemon Balm Oil–Lemon balm is a natural astringent and has antibacterial properties, which are amazing for healing cold sores and other skin irritations. 

Place the dried herbs in a clean 1-quart mason jar. Cover the herbs with the oil of your choice with a 1-to-2 ratio. Add enough that the herbs are completely covered by at least an inch of oil. Seal the jar with an airtight lid, and add either place outside or in a sunny window. Let infuse for at least four weeks. When the oil is ready, strain it through cheesecloth, making sure to strain as much oil as possible. Store the oil in the same mason jar or pick one of your choice. 

If you don’t have a place you buy your dried herbs from, you can go to the Stampington website, and towards the back, you will find many vendors who sell top-quality craft items. 

Get creative with the scents you love.

Melinda

Repost from 2020

Anxiety · Celebrate Life · Communication · Depression · Education · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Suicide · Survivor

Silencing the Noise: A Guide to Conquering Overthinking By Guest Blogger My Mind Strenght

This post is on point! It’s natural to overthink occasionally due to a situation but if overthinking is constant it’s time to take control of its debilitating nature. You have to do the hard work and one that takes time and commitment but you can do it. 
 
Be sure to read the posts, everyone can benefit, and if you’re a parent, take an honest look at your children as they may need help. 
 
Melinda
Celebrate Life · DIY · Essential Oils · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Self-Care

Clean Your Air With A Homemade Oil Diffuser

Willow & Sage by Stampington

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

Clean Your Air With A Homemade Oil Diffuser

 

 What You Need

Wooden diffuser sticks or other suitable decorative stick

Lavender essential oil

Tea Tree essential oil

Fractionated Coconut oil

Glass bottle

Blend essential oils into fractionated coconut oil at a ratio of about 1-4, fill the glass bottle halfway, and insert sticks.

Use a bottle with the smallest opening possible, and use as many sticks as you can fit into the opening. This will discourage oil from evaporating quickly through the bottle opening and encourage it to evaporate more slowly through diffuser sticks.

Display the diffuser far away from sunlight, strong lights, and excessive heat to increase the longevity of the oil blend, or display closer to these things for a stronger and shorter diffuser.

The gifts we make ourselves are the ones that come from the heart.

Melinda

Repost from 2020

Caregiver · Communication · Grieving · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

How to Deal With Grief in a Healthy Way

Grief is one of the most powerful emotions a person can experience. It’s also something that everyone has to deal with at some point in their lives. We love, we live, and we die. Then we’re left to pick up the pieces. 

The fact is, grief hurts. It’s natural for it to hurt, and it’s natural for different people to have different experiences of this pain. But that doesn’t mean that every experience of grief is healthy. It’s easy to get sucked into a hole of grief that doesn’t stop hurting and that stains the rest of your life.

While it might not be as simple as “moving on”, it is possible to manage your grief. Here are some tips to help.

Grieving Before Death

In some cases, you might find the grieving process begins before your loved one has passed away. Usually, this is due to a long illness that can only ever result in death. If you act as a caregiver, it can be hard to balance this grief with the practical parts of caring for your loved one.

Sometimes you have to compartmentalize. This means that, when you’re actively caring for them, you focus on the practical side of things. But you still need to allow yourself to process your grief.

But you should also try to find the joy in being a caregiver. It’s hard work, physically, mentally, and emotionally. But it allows you to spend time with someone you love and it allows you to demonstrate how much you love them, even if they can’t always recognize it. 

Give Yourself Time

Unfortunately, life goes on for all of us, even when we lose someone we love. Everything else doesn’t grind to a halt, even if we feel like it should. We have work, family responsibilities, chores, and bills.

Some people prefer to throw themselves into literally anything else so that they don’t have to think about their grief. Still others find it impossible to concentrate on anything else.

Even if you’re in the former camp, you still need to give yourself time to grieve. It hurts, but it needs to hurt. Don’t feel ashamed because you aren’t able to stop hurting after a few months, but also don’t feel guilty when you manage to have a moment without thinking about the person you lost.

Let yourself hurt and cry and grieve, but let yourself live as well.

Talk to Someone

Part of processing grief healthily includes talking to people you trust. If you’ve lost a family member or friend, you and your loved ones can help each other by talking about your shared grief. You aren’t being a burden, you’re just being human.

In some cases, you may feel as though you need to talk to someone else. That’s what grief counseling consultation is for. You can talk to someone who is experienced and trained to help you, but who also won’t be hurt by your feelings.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Business · Celebrate Life · Education · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Money

Do You Think Money Solves All? NOT!

I was not born into money and any money had to be made by me. Sometimes, I would think “If I had money, this would all go away.” The great thing is this encouraged me to jump out there and set the world on fire.

My first job was a paper route at 10 years old, just several blocks around my house, producing money that made me feel more in control and it felt great.

I worked my way into sales which is a natural fit for me, and I worked hard but always had my eye on the goal, more money. I joined a 2B company as a National Trainer with 15-20 offices. I had arrived at the top! Not really. I traveled 5-6 days a week, ran errands the entire weekend, and spent no time with my ex-husband. This job was the beginning of the breakdown in our marriage.

During those few years, my salary was between $250K-$350K, plus adding bonuses like money and exotic trips, I was riding high. I spent money like crazy, and never thought about my long-term future.

A few years later, I won a lawsuit and became a multi-millionaire. It was short-lived after paying the taxes and the lawyer and the settlement isn’t so large. Shortly after the settlement, I had Brain Surgery and took some time off to recover by remodeling and upgrading our house. While our marriage fell apart and we divorced.

I never asked myself if I was happy, fulfilled, and living a good life. I wasn’t and set out to make major changes. First I started focusing on the future while maintaining a fun life. After the divorce, I no longer had big money. It was a time for discovery.

I matured from the divorce and started writing down what made me happy or what I thought would. I started by giving a bit to charity and other ways to find joy and spent some time thinking about the type of man that I wanted in my life if the chance came again. I was open but already 38 years old.

Learning how to get in touch with myself happened after I married my husband. I have learned what “in sickness and in health means.”  He’s had my back, loved me when I was in very dark places and mean, and has shown that love for over 23 years.

Our focus changed to what we want in our future and retirement, what number would give us a comfortable retirement. To do that you have to make sacrifices which in the beginning was hard for me but now, I would not go back to my high-rolling days.

Money didn’t give me joy, it flamed my ego which affected my marriage.

Money didn’t keep my Bipolar Disorder under control, I did.

Money didn’t keep my Grandparents from dying.

Money will not protect you from harm, death, illness, or stress.

I love our comfortable life watching TV together every night, and catching up on the day while sharing a meal. My husband washes his own clothes which makes it easier on me, takes care of the dogs, and cooks most of the time and in Summer he’s great about watering my plants.

What my journey taught me is money is great but it’s icing not the foundation of a great life.

Melinda

 

Aging · Caregiver · Celebrate Life · Chronic Illness · Communication · Cooking · Disability · Friends · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Self-Care

How to Help Someone with a Chronic Illness

It is a big responsibility to help someone with a chronic illness. Depending on the severity of the situation, there will be many changes to your life and theirs. This is true for a professional caregiver, family member, or good friend. There are also some common mistakes that people make when trying to help. Don’t worry; most of us are in an impossible situation when caring for someone. From being aware of what to say to looking after yourself, here are some care tips.

Be Prepared to Act Fast

Many chronic illnesses can take a turn in an instant. Epileptic seizures, diabetic comas, and falling over because of a back injury are some examples. Knowing what to do as fast as possible can mean the difference between helping someone or serious consequences. A CPR and first aid certification may not sound like much, but it will be helpful in the case that something bad happens. It’s all about a fast response. Speed and skill do save lives!

Be Aware of What You Say

Even with the best intentions, we can say things we really shouldn’t. You may even make ableist remarks without realizing it, which could upset or offend the patient. This would be classed as discrimination in a court. So be careful what you see. Here are some common examples:

  • “You are too young to have a condition like that.”
  • “You can just push through it if you try.”
  • “Maybe you would be better if you exercised or ate well.”
  • “Everyone has aches and pains sometimes.”

It is best to keep your opinions to yourself when caring for someone with a chronic illness. Even with the best intentions, you may say something that can be taken the wrong way. It can also be more challenging to care for someone when there is some kind of tension between you.

Help Someone with a Chronic Illness with Privacy

As a caregiver, you are not bound by the same confidentiality rules as a doctor. However, that doesn’t mean the entire world needs to know about the issues a patient has. It is hard enough for most people with chronic conditions. One survey found that 56% of people with epilepsy feel it is a stigma. And 35% have faced direct discrimination. The private conditions of patients should remain just that. If they want to tell people, then it is up to them and not caregivers.

Be Present So You Can Engage Better

Engagement is a key factor when it comes to caring for most patients. Because of the debilitating symptoms of chronic illnesses, it is even more vital for chronic patients. Many chronic illnesses come with stigmas and some cannot live a normal life. This causes issues like depression. Yet, often, all it takes is for someone to be a good friend and just listen to what a patient has to say. Communication can also help you become a better caregiver to the patient.

Use Touch as Encouragement

We live in a world where we have almost been conditioned not to touch people. There are very good reasons for this. But as a caregiver, the art of touch can be a skilled way to reassure and encourage someone. Appropriate touching includes a gentle tap on the elbow with some kind words. Holding a patient’s hand through pain provides reassurance. And even a gentle hug can make someone’s day. These cause genuine hormonal changes that make someone feel better.

Discuss Specific Needs with the Patient

No two chronic illness cases are the same, even for patients with the same condition. This is because everyone is different. All situations are different; medication requirements will be different, and living arrangements will be different. It always helps to discuss specific needs with the patient, their family, and other caregivers if the patient cannot speak for themselves. This also includes any boundaries that must be respected between the patient and the caregiver.

Help Someone with a Chronic Illness with Self-Management

Taking on the role of a caregiver is not an easy task. It requires dedication to the life of another, as well as your own. Therefore, self-management is vital for getting the job done well.

Learn as much as you can about the illness

It is challenging to help someone with a condition you don’t understand or know nothing about. You don’t need to become a doctor. But learning about a specific chronic illness means you know what to expect, understand what can happen, and how to assist when a situation arises. 

Understand the medications you may have to handle

Most chronic illnesses require a lot of medication. Pain medication, heart stabilizers, and anticonvulsants are common. Misuse of medication is dangerous and will cause severe problems to a patient’s health. It is vital you organize medication and follow the script.

Take care of yourself to take care of others

It’s an old saying, but you can’t take care of someone else without first taking care of yourself. Poor self-care poses a threat to a patient. Focus, attention, and mood will be affected by a poor diet, for example. Ensure you turn up in as good a state as you can to be a good caregiver.

You can also offer support to patients by teaching self-care with a chronic illness. They cannot rely on someone else 100%.So helping them learn about their own illness and the medication they need will help them become a little more independent for the times they are alone.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Becoming a caregiver means giving up some parts of your life. A patient with a debilitating chronic illness may depend on you for many things. In some cases, it can be like having two lives with double the work. Therefore, it helps to address your own personal feelings about the situation. If you are not invested emotionally, it can be hard to do the job correctly. Taking on too much is a common mistake. Get help from another caregiver if you can’t emotionally cope.

Don’t be Afraid to Ask Questions 

We tend to stay quiet most of the time as no one likes being questioned too much. However, questions are vital when caring for someone with a chronic illness. Otherwise, how else do you know what to do in a given situation? The questions don’t need to be complex. A simple “What do you need right now?” is more than enough to meet the needs of a patient. The trick is to limit the intrusion and use your better judgment as to when to ask the patient a pertinent question.

Carefully Listen to Healthcare Professionals

As a caregiver, you can learn a lot about an illness. And this is an excellent thing to do. It will help you become a better carer for a patient. However, you must remember that you are not a medical expert! Some healthcare professionals don’t communicate well, and this can be stressful. However, learning to work with them is the best thing for the patient. If you feel that there is a lack of expert care or a course of action that is harming a patient, you can report this.

Help Someone with a Chronic Illness with Self-Care

Your own self-care is essential as a caregiver. But what about the patient? Yes, helping a patient with self-care is a necessary part of the job. Some chronic illness patients also experience mental health issues, around 37% in fact. This can affect how well they look after themselves on a day-to-day basis. Helping with personal hygiene, getting some outdoor time, and meal preparation will help form an enhanced self-care plan and gain a little more independence.

Try Not to Offer Advice

Offering medical advice should only be limited to medical health professionals. But even general advice won’t help the situation. Offering advice, even if it is well intended, can make a patient feel worse. So, you must be careful about what you say to a patient. Here are some ideas:

  • People with chronic illnesses may need to vent their concerns, so just listen.
  • Unsolicited advice can be taken as criticism and make someone feel guilty.
  • Be a good friend and listen to what a person with an illness has to say.
  • Engage with a patient from their perspective and not your own.

It can be hard not to offer advice, as it is a very human thing to do. However, most patients just want to talk and have someone listen. You will be a better friend and caregiver by doing just that. A patient will appreciate you engaging on their level and listening to what they have to say.

Look for Signs of a Worsening Condition

There are various symptoms that come with chronic illnesses. And they are pretty easy to spot when you understand what they are. However, there are some hidden symptoms that can be more challenging and indicate a patient’s issues are getting worse. Observation, conversation, and asking questions will help. Some of the common signs that a chronic illness is getting worse include stress and anxiety, not getting good sleep, and loss of focus and concentration.

Summary

You need to be prepared to act fast with CPR or first aid when assigned to help someone with a chronic illness. It also helps to learn about the condition, understand medication, and take care of yourself. These help spot the symptoms that a chronic condition might be getting worse.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Caregiver · Celebrate Life · Communication · Depression · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health · Moving Forward · Survivor

The Messy, Complicated Truth About Grief

IDEAS TED TALKS

May 1, 2019 / Nora McInerny

Mourning the loss of a loved one isn’t efficient, compact or logical, and it changes us forever, says writer Nora McInerny. She explains why.

I quit my job shortly after my husband Aaron died in 2014 following three years with brain cancer. It made sense in the moment, but I needed money to keep my son and myself alive so I went to a networking event to hopefully make connections. I was introduced to a successful woman in her early 70s who everyone referred to as a “legend.” She wanted to meet me for coffee and I thought, “What could she possibly see in me?”

What she saw in me was herself. She had been 16 when her boyfriend died. He was her first love and they were teenagers in a different era, when it was perfectly plausible that you would be married after high school. Instead, he went to the hospital one day and never came back. She learned later that he’d died of cancer, which his parents had kept secret from him and from his friends. They didn’t know how to talk about it, and they didn’t want him or his friends to worry.

This boy had died decades ago. She was married, a mother and a grandmother. And she told me about his death as if it had happened weeks ago, as if she were still 16, still shocked and confused that her beloved was gone and she’d not had a chance to say goodbye. Her grief felt fresher than mine did, because I didn’t feel anything yet.

The only guarantee about grief is that however you feel right now, you will not always feel this way.

Time is irrelevant to grief. I cannot tell you that it will feel better or worse as time goes by; I can just tell you that it feels better and worse as time goes by. The only guarantee is that however you feel right now, you will not always feel this way.

There are days when Aaron’s death feels so fresh that I cannot believe it. How can he be gone? How can it be that he will forever be 35 years old? Likewise, there are days when his death feels like such a fact of my life I can hardly believe that he was ever not dead. I thought I would be able to control the faucets of my emotions — that certain days (his birthday, his deathiversary) would be drenched in meaning, and most days would not.

I wish that were the case; I wish we could relegate all our heaviest grieving to specific days of the year. It would certainly be more efficient. Instead, I know that I have some friends who will understand perfectly when I call them to say that the entire world feels heavy, that I’ve been crying for reasons I can’t quite explain other than that I am alive and Aaron is not, and the reality of that happened to hit me in the deodorant aisle, when I spotted Aaron’s favorite antiperspirant. I bought a stick for myself, so that my armpits and his armpits would be forever connected.

In 2017, Lady Gaga released her Joanne album, named for an aunt who died before she was even born. The titular song is 100 percent guaranteed to make you cry, and it’s written about someone Lady Gaga never even met. In her Netflix documentary, Gaga: Five Foot Two, she plays the song for her grandmother and bawls uncontrollably. Her grandmother listens to the song, watches Gaga weep, and thanks her for the song. She does not shed a tear. Their grief — even for the same person — is different. The roots of grief are boundless. They can reach back through generations. They are undeterred by time, space or any other law you try to apply to them.

The woman I met had lived far more of her life without that boyfriend than with him. Time had not healed that wound, and it never will.

A common adage is “time heals all wounds.” It is true physically, which I am grateful for because I am typing this while hoping the tip of my thumb fuses back together after an unfortunate kitchen accident involving me attempting to cook a potato. But it is not true mentally or emotionally. Time is cruel. Time reminds me of how long Aaron has been gone, which isn’t a comfort to me.

The woman I met for coffee had lived far more of her life without that boyfriend than she had with him. Her grandchildren were now the same age she’d been when she lost him. Time had not healed that wound, and it never will. If you’re still sad, that’s because it’s still real. They are still real. Time can change you, and it will. But it can’t change them, and it won’t.

And here’s some advice for the grief adjacent. For you, time marches on, steadily and reliably. A year is just a year. A day is just a day. You are not aware of the number of days it’s been since they took their last breath or said their last word. You’re not mentally calculating when the scales of time tip, and more of your life has been lived without them than was lived with them.

We do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we’ve lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us.

You may be tempted to tell the grieving to move on. After all, it’s been weeks. Years. Decades. Surely this cannot still be the topic of conversation. Surely, at this point, they must have moved on? Nope.

But, you may be thinking, “This person has gotten married again or had another baby! They have so many good things in their life, this one awful thing can’t possibly still be relevant … can it?”

We do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we’ve lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us. Some of it gets easier to bear, some of it will always feel Sisyphean. We live on, but we are not the same as we once were. This is not macabre or depressing or abnormal. We are shaped by the people we love, and we are shaped by their loss.

“Why are they still sad?” you may think. Because this is a sad thing, and always will be.

Excerpted from the new book The Hot Young Widows Club: Lessons on Survival from the Front Lines of Grief by Nora McInerny. Reprinted with permission from TED Books/Simon & Schuster. © 2019 Nora McInerny.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nora McInerny has a lot of jobs. She is the reluctant cofounder of the Hot Young Widows Club (a program of her nonprofit, Still Kickin), the bestselling author of the memoirs “It’s Okay To Laugh”, “Crying Is Cool Too”, and “No Happy Endings” and the host of the award-winning podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.” McInerny is a master storyteller known for her dedication to bringing heart and levity to the difficult and uncomfortable conversations most of us try to avoid, and also for being very tall. 

 Melinda

Celebrate Life · Cooking · DIY · Family · Fun · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health

From Family Cookbook-White Mountain Icing

The family cookbook contains recipes, my Gramps & Granny used often and is the type of food I grew up on. Good ole Southern food like my Gramps dumplings, to Grannies pecan pie.

I’m writing this recipe like Granny did and including a photo of it at the end.

White Mountain Icing

2 cups granulated sugar

2 tbsp White Karo Syrup

1/2 teaspoon Vanilla

2 egg whites

1/2 cup water

Cook sugar, water, and syrup until it spins a 6-8 inch thread. Beat egg whites until stiff, pour hot mixture into the egg whites slowly. Beating all the while by hand. Beat until icing stands in stiff peaks. Stir in Vanilla and spread on cake.

 

Melinda

Advocacy · Celebrate Life · Climate Change · Communication · Education · Family · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Planet

Let’s Do Something Productive This Earth Day

Instead of celebrating why don’t we get productive in helping the earth.

There are a million ways, including the smallest step you can take and pay attention to what you buy.

Our Earth has sustained so much damage over time and it appears to be at a crisis level. Please look for all the ways to can recycle in your area.

 

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Blogger Highlight-Willowdot21

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight the blog Willowdot21.    

willowdot21

An insight to a heart mind and soul.

 

This is my chance to display my poetry and pros . In a way it is mainly for my own expression of the pent up feelings and stress that usually pins me into a corner on a daily basis! My profile tells you all you need to know about me , my poems and stories, I think tell you even more. I hope you can enjoy my work, feel free to drop in at any time you are always welcome.

We have followed each other for a long time and enjoyed her posts and conversations so much that it was time to tell you. about her post. 

She participates in several challenges each week which are fun to read. Get on over there! 

Melinda

Looking for the Light

 

Anxiety · Celebrate Life · Chronic Illness · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Imunne Disorders · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

My Antibody Infusion Treatments Start Tomorrow

I’ve started filling my travel bag and getting all the small items ready like a large bag of grapes for the cooler along with 2 huge Smartwaters and a bag of dry snacks. My travel bag barely fits a blanket, travel pillow, and a couple of small items. Which forces me to take 3 bags, crazy but I’m not dragging down a suitcase. 

The first treatment is between 4-7 hours, and I am preparing for anything including barf bags. Maybe I’ll get lucky and not have to use them.

I’ll be back as soon.

Whatever your religion or beliefs, please say a prayer for me, I need strength.

Thank you!

Melinda

 

Advocacy · Celebrate Life · Chronic Lyme Disease · Chronic Pain · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Imunne Disorders · Lyme · Medical · Men & Womens Health · Tick Borne Illnesses

Lyme Disease Journal Entry Five **Scoreboard Lyme-One, I’m Still Standing**

Original post-2014

This week I want to give a brief overview on Gluten Free Diet and Epstein Barr Virus. Both were the top searches in last week’s post. I hope the information is helpful. The CDC is a great place to get up-to-date information.

Gluten-Free What does it mean?

My doctor follows The Mayo Clinic’s gluten-free diet: What’s allowed, what’s not. All information was taken from The Mayo Clinic outline.

A gluten-free diet is a diet that excludes the protein gluten. Gluten is found in grains such as wheat, barley, rye, and triticale (a cross between wheat and rye). Gluten causes inflammation in the small intestines. Switching to a gluten-free diet is a big change at first, it takes some getting used to. Many specialty grocery stores sell gluten-free foods. We shop at Whole Foods and have found a large selection of gluten-free products, including brownies. Here are some surprises I discovered. My husband eats many gluten-free products but not exclusively. The Mayo Clinic strongly warns to watch for cross-contamination. An example is if one is eating gluten-free bread and the other is not, the toaster could cause cross-contamination. Another contamination point is using the same utensils to cook gluten-free and non-gluten-free. Yes, it is that detailed. Be careful with grains such as oats which can get contaminated with wheat during the growing and processing. I treated myself to ham lunch meat and cheese last week. Wrong, no processed meats. You have to look for vitamins and medicines that use gluten as a binding agent. Remembering all this information is why I have started eating only items marked gluten-free. I don’t want to work that hard. A gluten-free diet helps people with Lyme Disease to reduce inflammation in the body.

Epstein Barr Virus 

The information is from The Centers for Disease Control. Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), also known as human herpesvirus 4, is a member of the herpes virus family. It is one of the most common human viruses. EBV is found all over the world. Most people get infected with EBV at some point in their lives. EBV spreads most commonly through bodily fluids, primarily saliva. EBV can cause infectious mononucleosis, also called mono, and other illnesses. After you get an EBV infection, the virus becomes latent (inactive) in your body. In some cases, the virus may reactivate. This does not always cause symptoms, but people with compromised immune systems are more likely to develop symptoms if EBV reactivates.

EBV is spread by saliva through Using the same eating utensils, and toothbrushes, sharing drinks and food, kissing and having contact with toys children have drooled on

The first time you get infected with EBV (primary EBV infection) you can spread the virus for weeks and even before you have symptoms. Once the virus is in your body, it stays there in a latent (inactive) state. If the virus reactivates, you can potentially spread EBV to others no matter how much time has passed since the initial infection.

General challenges:

The neuropathy in the legs and hands is like getting stabbed with big needles. My hands and legs go to sleep very quickly while sitting down.

The fatigue has taken its toll over the past four days. I have spent more time sleeping than awake. Today is the first time I’ve felt good in a week.

I have revolted against the supplements this week. With my sleep schedule, it wasn’t worth trying to keep up.

The blinding headaches are a daily occurrence, the pain meds help, not crazy about taking pain pills. I will get well and don’t want a drug habit to break.

The edema causes my ankle bone to disappear and my legs to tighten up to the leg. Anything I bump into leaves a huge bruise.

The lab work did show Chronic Lyme Disease which means I’ve had Lyme for a year or more. I have to wait until 9/17/14 to get the complete run down.

I still have several tests to complete for the Cardiologist. Didn’t do well on the pulmonary part of the stress test. One breathing exercise only scored 55%.

What’s to come? I have no idea.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Fun · Gardening · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

What To Do Before Starting A Home Garden

A home garden offers loads of benefits beyond boosting your home’s curb appeal and increasing your property’s value. It plays a significant role in improving your physical and mental health. It also helps reduce your expenses (depending on what you grow in your garden) and establish sustainable measures in your home. But if you’re new to gardening and thinking about creating one for your home for the first time, the last thing you want to do is jump right into planting a garden. Here are some things you need to do before you start a home garden. 

Photo by Yan Krukov on Pexels.co

The first thing you want to do is consider the best place to grow your garden. Of course, this will depend on your home and how much space you have. Be sure that your ideal spot offers at least 6 hours of direct sunlight daily. Therefore, it would be best if you took the time to observe your preferred spaces to figure out which spots receive the most sunlight. If you have too much shade in your yard, all hope is not lost, as there are two options you can try. On the one hand, you can remove the source of shade, depending on what it is. On the other hand, you can consider growing indoor plants that thrive with little sunlight instead.

After deciding on the best spot, clear the ground of weeds, dead trees, stumps, etc. You can hire experts to remove some of these stubborn obstacles if necessary. You can visit websites like duvaltreeandbobcat.com for experienced and safe tree removal services.

The next thing you want to do is decide on what plants you want to grow. Would you like to create a vegetable garden to supplement your grocery needs? Or do you want to spruce up your curb appeal with lush flowers? Knowing the purpose of the garden will help you decide what to grow in it. If you want to grow a garden for food, think about what vegetables, fruits, or herbs you need the most. Also, consider which food items are difficult or expensive to purchase and see if you can grow them. If your garden is for curb appeal, think about what plants or flower pieces you love the most and can thrive in your location.

Gardening can be very relaxing, but it can also be very tasking, especially if you don’t have the right garden tools. You can take advantage of many tools, facilities, and equipment in the modern gardening world to make growing your plants easier. Of course, you don’t need to invest in a comprehensive range of garden equipment when you’re a beginner. You only need the basic and most essential tools, such as a rake, hand trowel, hoe, spade, garden fork, and pruning shears. Also, before considering gardening, be sure you’re willing to devote the time and effort a home garden demands. 

This is a collaborative post.

Repost

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Blogger Highlight-Feel Something Poetry

Thank you for all the great feedback on the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight the blog of Feel Something Poetry.   

Feel Something Poetry

 My name is Maranda Russell. I’m a 41 year old poet. I like to write and share poetry that is emotional, direct, and thought-provoking. I hope you’ll follow me! I do have some poetry books available on Amazon if you are interested in reading an entire book of mine!

I discovered Maranda when she started following me last week and I can say she loves writing.

Melinda

Looking for the Light

 

Caregiver · Elderly · Family · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health

5 Typical Aging In Place Mistakes And How To Avoid Them

Repost from 2020

Today, the idea of aging in place (also known as aging at home) is gaining a lot of significance, especially among the older population. According to the National Council on Aging, nine out of ten senior citizens prefer to continue living in their own homes over the next five to ten years. Many such seniors based their reason on their need to be among people they already know. This makes a case for aging in place relatively easy. However, there are a lot of challenges and necessary changes that should be taken care of. 

If you are concerned about what difficulties you or your loved ones might face, or the mistakes that might be made when aging in place, this article will help you deal with them in advance.

Image Credit

Not having an early discussion with loved ones about your preferences

Many adults wait until it is a little too late to have a conversation with their loved ones about their future needs and preferences- creating a lack of planning. Planning helps keep track of your preferences and needs while ensuring they are met. It is better to discuss your living arrangement preferences ahead of time so that your loved ones can help you live the comfortable life you want in your old age. 

Not considering possible lifestyle changes

The unfortunate truth is that, as you grow older, your body is no longer able to do certain things it used to – making the option to live independently in your old age inadvisable. Some people try to cope by turning down any form of help offered to them, whether in tools or services. For many adults, the mere thought of any kind of senior care makes them feel embarrassed and helpless – which should not be the case. Rather than being fixed on your preference of aging in place, accept your lifestyle challenges, and seek other options that would be beneficial to you.

Not making preparations for various possibilities

Almost nothing is certain in life, and disasters may strike at any time. Unfortunately, many adults fail to plan and make preparations for different possible scenarios. This lack of planning can bring more stress due to knee-jerk reactions to unexpected situations. 

Take time to write down all the possible ‘what ifs.’  Doing this should cover possibilities such as who will take care of you if you lose your ability to decide for yourself or lose mobility. Next, create a plan of action for all those possibilities with the help of your loved ones.

Not having financial plans

Studies show that many American adults do not have any financial plan in place for old age. This makes the issue of money more complicated when they need their finances the most. Many also fail to create a will or have a power of attorney in place. It is best to seek a financial planner’s advice concerning how to handle money to be financially stable during old age. Fortunately, making such plans is now easier than ever, thanks to the digital age. Alternatively, you can also sit down with your loved ones to go through what your options are.

Not being proactive with in-home security

We have already mentioned how disaster can strike at any time without warning. Unfortunately, most adults have not put any proactive measures in place for accidents at home. For example, as we grow older, our bodies can no longer handle falls and other accidents at home very well. It is essential to take proactive steps when it comes to your safety at home. For example, you should take the time to identify any form of potential hazard and provide solutions. Ensure that you have the right tools at home, you’re always well clothed and can move about in your home with ease.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Relying on just one person

It is not uncommon for most adults to put their trust in only one person to take care of them as they age. As trustworthy as a person may be, it is always harmful to rely solely on them to solve all your problems. This either puts a lot of burden on this one person or leaves the adult with no one else to rely on should that one person be unavailable.

This is why it is essential to try to be as self-sufficient as you can be, even when you have someone around to give you a helping hand. While this will take a lot of effort, it will also help you build the knowledge and skills required to live alone in your home. Where possible, also have some family members or friends around to help you.

This is a collaborative post.

Melinda

Celebrate Life · Chronic Illness · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Medical · Men & Womens Health

Insurance Approved My Intravenous Immunoglobulin Therapy (IVIg)

Two years ago I was diagnosed with Hypogammaglububemia, it’s actually caused by other immune disorders. Crazy but scary and the fatigue is bad.

When your body doesn’t produce enough antibodies you are at risk of catching everything! After two years, my testing last month was much different, and this time my antibodies were very low and insurance-approved 14 Antibody Infusion Treatments.

Other than first-time side effects, it sounds like it gets easier after a few treatments.

I start next week and have very few instructions on what to bring, so it’s back to their site to see if they have a list. Each treatment is 4-7 hours long, and that’s a lot of music to listen to.

I’ll keep you posted on how the treatments are going.

Take good care and know there’s a possibility I’ll be out for a few days. 🙂

Melinda

Blogging · Celebrate Life · Health and Wellbeing · Healthy Living · Men & Womens Health · Mental Health

Blogger Highlight-By Ashley Marie

Thank you for all the great feedback and for participating in the Blogger Highlight series, I’ve enjoyed meeting each blogger and sharing their site with you. This week we highlight the blog By Ashley Marie.  

By Ashley Marie

Hey there! I’m a self-taught tech enthusiast currently working on full-stack development. I firmly believe that life is meant to be lived deeply, with purpose and fulfillment. That’s why I strive hard every day to manifest a high-quality life, and I’m committed to sharing my expertise with others.

I started following her a couple of weeks ago. She writes about technology and other interesting posts.

Be sure to check her blog.

Melinda

Looking for the Light